Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Prank Sinatra

We cast our spells, we howled at the moon, we sacrificed some unsuspecting virgins, but it just wasn't good enough. None of it was. Jordan was helpless to the Rachel Reilly vapors haunting the HOH room. Putrid and pungent, thick and salty, they enter your bloodstream and render you powerless. Powerless to reason. Powerless to independent thought. Powerless to a zit free America. Let's recap, shall we?

The day started with a lecture. Brendon was up to his old tricks again only this time he wasn't lecturing Rachel, he was lecturing Cassi. You see, in Brendon's penis-snapping mind, he is the greatest Big Brother player that ever lived. He's the one with all the answers, all the wisdom. So Brendon and Cassi are in the kitchen and Cassi tells him that she knows the decision to nominate her came from Rachel and not Jordan. Brendon denies it and says that Cassi doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. Cassi tells him that she's never lied and that once Brendon sees the footage from the house, he'll know she never said the house all hates Porsche. Brendon is upset that Rachel is getting all the blame and then he starts on about how Cassi doesn't know the right way to play Big Brother. He puts his hand on his hip and smugly asks Cassi if she wants him to draw her some pictures on how to play. It's a nauseating conversation and I would've smacked Brendon in the face with his own penis had he ever talked to me like that. Cassi replies, "Aren't we all adults here?" and then tells him she doens't appreciate his condescending tone. Brendon grabs his binky and his giant toes and off he stomps.

Of course he goes directly to his harlot and it's "Cassi this" and "Cassi that". Cassi is the devil and Rachel is an innocent fairy princess of goodness. Cassi is an idiot and Rachel is a Rhodes Scholar. Cassi is a boil on the butt of Big Brother and Rachel is dancing rainbow festival of lights. Yeah. Rrrrright.

Cassi goes outside to recap the convo to Shelly. She's digusted and somewhat infuriated, but at least she can leave the game with integrity whereas Brendon & Rachel will continue to play with exact same whiny self-entitlement they played with last year. Kalia joins the conversation cramming something or other in her mouth and while watching Kalia chew with her mouth open, it begins to dawn on Cassi that Kalia is quite possibly one of the traitors who voted against the Newbies last week. Cassi begins to piece together the events following the eviction. Who talked to whom, who said what, who didn't say what. She rolls it all around in her head and wonders to herself if perhaps Kalia is the one who has been reporting things/falsities to the Oldies. If only she figured it out sooner!

This brings us to the POV ceremony. It was longer than usual and deep down inside I hoped a homicide was involved, but no such luck. Adam & Dominic used the POV, Cassi & Shelly are up for eviction, Rachel and Jordan continue to breathe and this COMPLETELY BLOWS! *stamps feet like a petulant child*

Immediately following the ceremony Cassi begins to cry. Genuine, real, frustrated tears of sadness. She misses her dad, she's upset she's up against Shelly and the whole insane drama of it all weighs heavy on her heart. Cassi says she's ready to leave, but both you and I know she'd much rather stay and play the game. Rachel Reilly has crushed another soul and unless this beast is stopped she'll continue to piss all over my summer of fun.

Shelly, visibly upset, gets up and leaves the conversation. She goes to the Have-Not room to have her own meltdown. Again, the tears are real and I would've felt sorry for Shelly, but I just couldn't. She's been good to Cassi, she's supported Cassi, they've grown close, but that still doesn't change the fact that in every HOH meeting with Jeff & Jordan, Shelly didn't once try to get her and Cassi off the block. She never really pitched Kalia & Lawon or Brendon & Rachel as an alternative. Cassi is one of Shelly's strongest allies. Not only is it natural to try to prevent yourself from being nominated, but it's smart to keep your troops strong and numerous. Shelly just sat there! She watched and let it all happen. So go ahead and cry Shelly. You may be a wild huntress who knows her way around a bow and arrow and viles of deer pee, but you're also a little bit of a coward. You can't preach integrity and "playing clean" unless you actually do it yourself. Eventually, I'll probably forgive you, but right now I'm mad.

I'm sorry I've got to rush this one today (real life intervenes), but I'm going to end this post with the prank that never was. The Houseguests came up with an idea to put a piece of tape over Adam's picture and make him think there's some sort of Saboteur lurking about. Adam was sleeping in the Have-Not room, the HG's put some pink tape over his photo and then they all ran upstairs to wait for the shenanigans to begin. I shit you not when I say the entire thing took hours to play out.

Adam woke up, farted (for real), went to the bathroom, walked out to the Memory wall area, removed the tape from his photo, went outside to have a cigarette and then fell back asleep again.

Meanwhile, the entire house sat in the HOH room, with Brendon as the ringleader, waiting for the hijinks to ensue. I couldn't figure out why they were doing what they were doing. Was it boredom? Was it really all good natured fun? And then... it dawned on me. Brendon was the one who planned that Superhero skit that CBS devoted a significant amount of air time too. And here he is again, orchestrating and devising another big production. Could it be that Brendon has figured out that the secret to get more CBS air time is to put on little skits, do phony talk shows, play with sock puppets, act like a clown? It's a theory I'm working on and once the laboratory results come back in, I'll let you know what I find out.

Sorry this was so short today, but I'm late for my vajazzle appointment. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

If a Newbie gets HOH this week, the live feeds are going to be a nonstop roller coaster ride. Wouldn't you love to see Rachel squirm and Brendon pout?

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  1. Loving the blog Colette Lala, I can't wait to see Brendon pout and start making hundreds of excuses why he didn't win HOH. You just wait once the power moves to someone other than the repeats RBendon and Rachel are going to implode. Feeds will be awesome :)

  2. Yep, You nailed it again! Last night, tried to watch the BB After Dark Live feed show, & just couldn't take the general boredom of most of it all.

    I dunno who's in charge of choosing what cameras & persons to eavesdrop on at any given time, but, whomever it is should be tanked! Too much focus on boring ass Brandon,... & seems anytime someone has a halfway interesting conversation, (which is pretty damn rare), they cut to someone else less interesting!

    "Who edits this stuff?"

    (Oh yeah,... and Kalia's still acting like a slug).

  3. Just a few things, First, thanks for opening my eyes to Shelly. I like her but I didnt realize she sat idly by and let her team be busted up. I really dont get why people are afraid to fight for themselves/their partner. No one excpet Rachel and her irrational paranoid mind are going to hold fighting for yourself against you. You might even gain some respect. Second, it has been painfully, very painfully, obvious that Brendon discovered the way to get noticed is to copy the antics of past HGs. Hence the talking to the cameras, skits and half-ass pranks. Third, is there anyone that still dont believe Rachel is fueled by jealousy and stupidity?
    and lastly, its BRENDON with an "E" not Brandon. Anyone named Brandon is not appreciating having their name connected to him. Its 2 seasons people, come on already! BRENDON. Not Brandon.

  4. While I wish this could have been a longer blog, I mean really what else could you say? You pretty much covered every second of yesterday, as that stupid prank took forever to never happen. Your theory about Brendon is really interesting. I feel like the whole point of him and Rachel being back is to change the general opinion of them. I think they are failing miserably.
    The only thing you missed here...and possibly because you blocked it out like I am trying to....was the lovefest between Cassi and Brendon that ensued later. I hope on Cassi's side it was t try to incite Rachel, but even as I type this now Rachel and Cassi are shooting the shit like old friends :( Where the fuck is the drama???

  5. NEWS FLASH,RACHEL! stop worrying about how the public perceives you. Everyone that knows you STILL hates you and and finds you revolting,and anyone getting exposed to you(like a case or MERSA) for the first time hates you as well. We all can't stand your shit stain of a fiance,papa Brendon. Maybe ducklips needs pictures but Cassie doesn't. Go pout in the corner because " pretty girl doesn't want to see my penis nugget"

    Random observation:::::
    I'm surprised Jordan isn't bald with the way she constantly pulls and twists her baby fine hair. I can't really be mean to her. She's sweet like a mentally disabled child.;-)

    ::::imitates Dani speaking on Dom
    "I Haatteee yoooouuu..."
    " OMG, your soooo annoyiiiinnnggg..."
    "Ewww spot me dom,dooonnnttt tell me what to do my ass crack itches"
    "I'll let you grab my boob next time where in The Hammock...I hate you..."

  6. The thing that Brenchel don't get is that when you're able to watch somebody 24-7, you have enough evidence to form an opinion of them. Just sayin'. Sure the house is stressful. But stress tends to let you see who people really are. And those two are queen and king of DeuceyWench-o-polis. All they are doing is confirming the conclusion that people drew last year: that they suck at life.

    I think this is just the calm before the storm. I expect Cassi and Rachel to have a real blow up before Thursday. I know if I were Cassi and I were locked in the house with catty-ass Rachel, I'd be takin her DOWN.

  7. Am I the only one who has ALWAYS hated Shelly? She is insincere, phony and OF COURSE she isn't saying anything...she is SAFE, two faced coward that she is.
    These Newbies have allowed themselves to be starstruck and struck dumb by the Repeaters...Jeff is basically demanding everyone kiss his ass to stay safe(whatever) and Brenchel is using intimidaiton tactics.
    Jordan is saying it is too soon to "mix it up"...but if not now, then WHEN?
    I have waited all year for Big Brother and it is beyond predictable, which I hate....unless Adam wins HOH...Kalia and LaWon (kapow!) are on the block with LaWon(kapow!) going home.

  8. Please Lala...sprinkle your merry fairy dust to get Shelly convicted!! How glorious it would be for Cassi to get a golden key!! If a newbie gets HOH and puts up Brenchal, then Cassi will get to help vote Rachel out. And she will be gone and Cassi will remain in the house with Brendan. (smirks). I want Rachel out before she becomes a jury member!!! Please Lala, do your magic!

  9. I don't like Shelly either really, but I do respect her game play. It's a strategy to talk about morals and such then backstab everyone in sight. In any case, Brendon once again proves he's a complete douchebag about trying to tell Cassi how to play the game... gee whiz Einstein, why would you know how to play the game better then her? Oh right, because you did it before... Isn't this the same guy that got outplayed by Enzo? Yeah I thought so. In any case, you did get something wrong Colette. Brendon didn't orchestrate the prank thing, Jeff and Daniele started it. Dom and Jordan later joined in, and like a virus with no personality Brendon somehow made it his own because he has no sense of humor or any original thoughts. He just copies others. And wanting face time, took over the whole "trick Adam" thing, and since when Jeff pranked Dom and it was funny, of course anything Brendon does is stale and old, not funny at all and ends in total disaster. Kind of like Rachel.

  10. Persons I can't stand --> ferret face Rachel, two-faced Shelly, Brendon, Jeff, Jordan, Dani... and almost there with Kalia and Dom

  11. Ya know I was thinking if most of the house is 99% sure Cassie is leaving and most like her(and feel bad about it)...it would only take a couple " sympathy votes" to flip it and smelly gets evicted.
    I know if I went to cast my vote I would be thinking" oh she's going home anyways, fuck it I'll give that bitch a sympathy vote anyways"

    I do agree, smelly is playing a good social game with all the moral/relationship talk she had last night.

  12. I like Shelly, I really do but I also like a good season of Big Brother and right now that's the only thing I see that could shake this house up at all. Not sure whether I want to take a dagger to my eyes or just to Brenchel's and then enjoy the rest of the summer!!

  13. Good Blog as always Lala. I really couldn't agree more with the Cassi/Shelly/Rachel/Brendon assessment. I am still kind of butt hurt and angry about this whole season in general and having a hard time getting it up for any of them, but Cassi was one of the few I had hope for. She seems like she would be a relatively strong player, she is not nearly as annoying as Brenchel and JeJo, and I just kind of enjoy having her around. I feel like at this point we will lose Dom to the whining Donato succubus, Brenchel will continue to rule the house just as they have this week, and JeJo will probably survive one more week just based on being vets in general. I hate that the vets have the advantages they do...I hate that JeJo were stupid enough (as usual) to do someone elses dirty work, I hate that Rachel gets her jealous and petty way. I have a hard time even wanting to blog about this season at all. It's like watching reruns.
    It would start a small crack of warmth in my otherwise cold little hardened heart about this season if they somehow brought Cassi back while Rachel was still in the house and she got to backdoor a member of Brenchel. I would also kind of LOVE to see her find out about the Shelly vote, and find out that her partner that she tried so hard for never once stood up in her favor and tried to save shit.
    I will end my rant here. I really intended to just say "great blog" and be done with it, but now I have felt my feelings about these people all over the place. I certainly hope things look up soon for this season.

  14. Cassi needs to borrow a set of balls (Brendon's are hidden in Vegas' extensions, so his are useless) and fight to stay in the house. Even if Shelly was a real life bestie, she still needs to put her game bra on and deposit her partner beneath public transportation. I get so pissed at these people who end up trying to help someone else win. Damn!

  15. I can't wait until the HOH comp this Thurs. Did you see those questions on CBS that they are giving the houseguests? If Rachel was so hurt and destroyed by the way America viewed her last year I think she will be even more upset at how America answered those questions. Seemed to me like they were mostly going to be jabs at Rachel. It's going to be anyone's game, mostly a guessing game. I'm not necessarily rooting for JeJo to win but I do want them to make it farther than Brenchel. Just to prove to Brenchel that the good guy always wins. Keep rolling out the awesome blogs, love them!

  16. Thank you for the "Fairy Name Generator". I just had to post Rachel and Brendon's names. Rachel's seems appropriate (with the description and VEGAS in mind anyway)....

    Rachel Reilly: Ember Goblinwitch --- She brings riches and wealth. She lives where fireflies mate and breed. She is only seen in the enchanted moment between sleep and waking. She wears dresses that glow with fiery colours and has gentle green wings like a butterfly.

    So before you tear those wings off, check out Brendon's... (OH SO VERY APPROPRIATE.... in my opinion)

    Brendon Villegas is Field Reedtwigs. He plays reed pipes and sings spellbinding songs He lives in fields where wild flowers and poppies grow. He is only seen in the light of a full moon. He wears a bright red jacket and has deep green butterfly wings. (Does the Gumball cape and mask tonight count????) Also... the Reed & Twigs seem to point to unimpressive "wood" heading for a bush. (Penisgate????) Just a laugh to share!

    Thanks AGAIN and ALWAYS for your great blogs!!!

  17. "deposit her partner beneath public transportation"
    I love it! ☻

  18. I can't stand Brendan's overproduced skits. I just ff through them -- whether they're on CBS or SHO.

    So far I'm liking Shelly's game. She's playing both sides. Not sure if I like her, but doing nothing seems to be working for her.