Tuesday, July 19, 2011
We cast our spells, we howled at the moon, we sacrificed some unsuspecting virgins, but it just wasn't good enough. None of it was. Jordan was helpless to the Rachel Reilly vapors haunting the HOH room. Putrid and pungent, thick and salty, they enter your bloodstream and render you powerless. Powerless to reason. Powerless to independent thought. Powerless to a zit free America. Let's recap, shall we?
The day started with a lecture. Brendon was up to his old tricks again only this time he wasn't lecturing Rachel, he was lecturing Cassi. You see, in Brendon's penis-snapping mind, he is the greatest Big Brother player that ever lived. He's the one with all the answers, all the wisdom. So Brendon and Cassi are in the kitchen and Cassi tells him that she knows the decision to nominate her came from Rachel and not Jordan. Brendon denies it and says that Cassi doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. Cassi tells him that she's never lied and that once Brendon sees the footage from the house, he'll know she never said the house all hates Porsche. Brendon is upset that Rachel is getting all the blame and then he starts on about how Cassi doesn't know the right way to play Big Brother. He puts his hand on his hip and smugly asks Cassi if she wants him to draw her some pictures on how to play. It's a nauseating conversation and I would've smacked Brendon in the face with his own penis had he ever talked to me like that. Cassi replies, "Aren't we all adults here?" and then tells him she doens't appreciate his condescending tone. Brendon grabs his binky and his giant toes and off he stomps.
Of course he goes directly to his harlot and it's "Cassi this" and "Cassi that". Cassi is the devil and Rachel is an innocent fairy princess of goodness. Cassi is an idiot and Rachel is a Rhodes Scholar. Cassi is a boil on the butt of Big Brother and Rachel is dancing rainbow festival of lights. Yeah. Rrrrright.
Cassi goes outside to recap the convo to Shelly. She's digusted and somewhat infuriated, but at least she can leave the game with integrity whereas Brendon & Rachel will continue to play with exact same whiny self-entitlement they played with last year. Kalia joins the conversation cramming something or other in her mouth and while watching Kalia chew with her mouth open, it begins to dawn on Cassi that Kalia is quite possibly one of the traitors who voted against the Newbies last week. Cassi begins to piece together the events following the eviction. Who talked to whom, who said what, who didn't say what. She rolls it all around in her head and wonders to herself if perhaps Kalia is the one who has been reporting things/falsities to the Oldies. If only she figured it out sooner!
This brings us to the POV ceremony. It was longer than usual and deep down inside I hoped a homicide was involved, but no such luck. Adam & Dominic used the POV, Cassi & Shelly are up for eviction, Rachel and Jordan continue to breathe and this COMPLETELY BLOWS! *stamps feet like a petulant child*
Immediately following the ceremony Cassi begins to cry. Genuine, real, frustrated tears of sadness. She misses her dad, she's upset she's up against Shelly and the whole insane drama of it all weighs heavy on her heart. Cassi says she's ready to leave, but both you and I know she'd much rather stay and play the game. Rachel Reilly has crushed another soul and unless this beast is stopped she'll continue to piss all over my summer of fun.
Shelly, visibly upset, gets up and leaves the conversation. She goes to the Have-Not room to have her own meltdown. Again, the tears are real and I would've felt sorry for Shelly, but I just couldn't. She's been good to Cassi, she's supported Cassi, they've grown close, but that still doesn't change the fact that in every HOH meeting with Jeff & Jordan, Shelly didn't once try to get her and Cassi off the block. She never really pitched Kalia & Lawon or Brendon & Rachel as an alternative. Cassi is one of Shelly's strongest allies. Not only is it natural to try to prevent yourself from being nominated, but it's smart to keep your troops strong and numerous. Shelly just sat there! She watched and let it all happen. So go ahead and cry Shelly. You may be a wild huntress who knows her way around a bow and arrow and viles of deer pee, but you're also a little bit of a coward. You can't preach integrity and "playing clean" unless you actually do it yourself. Eventually, I'll probably forgive you, but right now I'm mad.
I'm sorry I've got to rush this one today (real life intervenes), but I'm going to end this post with the prank that never was. The Houseguests came up with an idea to put a piece of tape over Adam's picture and make him think there's some sort of Saboteur lurking about. Adam was sleeping in the Have-Not room, the HG's put some pink tape over his photo and then they all ran upstairs to wait for the shenanigans to begin. I shit you not when I say the entire thing took hours to play out.
Adam woke up, farted (for real), went to the bathroom, walked out to the Memory wall area, removed the tape from his photo, went outside to have a cigarette and then fell back asleep again.
Meanwhile, the entire house sat in the HOH room, with Brendon as the ringleader, waiting for the hijinks to ensue. I couldn't figure out why they were doing what they were doing. Was it boredom? Was it really all good natured fun? And then... it dawned on me. Brendon was the one who planned that Superhero skit that CBS devoted a significant amount of air time too. And here he is again, orchestrating and devising another big production. Could it be that Brendon has figured out that the secret to get more CBS air time is to put on little skits, do phony talk shows, play with sock puppets, act like a clown? It's a theory I'm working on and once the laboratory results come back in, I'll let you know what I find out.
Sorry this was so short today, but I'm late for my vajazzle appointment. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
If a Newbie gets HOH this week, the live feeds are going to be a nonstop roller coaster ride. Wouldn't you love to see Rachel squirm and Brendon pout?