Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Hate All, Trust Even Less

"All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust." - J.M. Barrie

What a lovely sentiment. Too bad this is the Big Brother house we're talking about here. Tucked away into that backlot den of iniquity, faith is annoying, trust doesn't exist and all the pixie dust is over here on my bosoms. But still, we will wade through it all and try to make some sense out of it. Let's recap, shall we?

The day begins with our central theme: TRUST. Howard has a bug up his ass and her name is Amanda. Howard tells Asshat (Jeremy) that he doesn't like how close McRae is to Amanda. Asshat replies matter-of-factly telling Howard that if they need to, they'll simply dump McRae from the Moving Company and replace him. Howard nods and says they should replace him with a girl like Aryan. Asshat likes this idea because he thinks Aryan is the strongest girl in the house. Asshat hopes it doesn't have to come to that, but if it does, it's no big deal. He thinks that McRae is acting out of sorts because he isn't the type of guy who gets girls in real life. Now that he's got one, he's freaking out over her and not acting like himself. You see, Asshat is a ladies man and he knows all about these things. *eyeroll*

So the morning continues uneventfully until we discover that Elvira (Elissa) has put Nick up in Asshat's place. The nominees for eviction are now Elvira, Helen and Nick. Nick's reply to it all is to take a nap. Seriously, wake him up in 30 and then maybe he'll talk to some people. Otherwise, shhhh. Shut off the lights and plug in the lavender-scented Air Wick.

Elsewhere, the town racist, Aryan has found a shiny new thing to bitch about: Eyebrows (Kaitlin). Aryan tells Amanda that she thinks Eyebrows is becoming too emotionally attached to Asshat and it is hurting her game. Amanda asks Aryan what she thinks of Spencer because Spencer is beginning to freak her out. Aryan shrugs her shoulders and says that she doesn't really talk to Spencer, Asshat does.

Aryan then gets wind of the fact that Elvira is telling various people in the house that Nick wanted her to target them. For example, Elvira would go up to Spencer and say, "Nick told me to put you on the block. Hnnmm Mnmmm." And then she'd go up to J-U-DD and say, "You know, Nick wanted me to put you on the block. Hnnmm Mnmmm." Aryan doesn't like that Elvira has the nerve to lie to people. I mean, can you believe it! Lying in the Big Brother house... the horror! She farts her way up to Asshat and tells him all about Elvira's sneaky plan to turn everyone against Nick. Asshat replies by scratching his balls, "I'm not worried about it." Asshat isn't worried about anything. He's going to win every week and toss everyone out of the house like a bad raisin so why should he worry about anything?

Aryan is worried though. She makes the rounds to everyone she can find telling them not to believe a word Elvira says. Meanwhile, Nick is still snoozing soundly.

Finally, Big Brother calls Nick to the Diary Room forcing him to awake from his slumber and dreams of puppy dog tails. When he returns, Howard is waiting and anxious to talk to him about Amanda. The two men think McRae is loyal to the MC, but Amanda worries them. Nick says he talked with Asshat earlier and they decided that they want to put up Candice and Amanda next week. Nick says that they'll lay low for the next few days and then right before eviction they'll start making deals for next week.

Howard once again steers the conversation to Amanda and says that if McRae doesn't drop her, they'll replace him in the MC with a girl. Howard says that McRae is simply mesmerized by those titties. And, let's be honest, who wouldn't be?! Howard continues and tells Nick that he doesn't think Amanda likes McRae as much as she's letting on. It is now their duty to crush his soul and let him know that Amanda is playing him. For the record, I don't think Amanda is playing him. I think she truly likes him and her game reflects that. She is doing what she can to protect him - which is difficult for her because she has no knowledge of the MC - while McRae is doing what he can to protect her. More on that later...

Up in the HOH, Aryan is doing what she does best - she bitches and moans and complains. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this chick is never happy. Everything is a headache and no one ever does what she wants them to do. Eyebrows is too emotional. Candice is too annoying (and black). Howard has too many muscles and doesn't know how to use them (plus, he's black). Aryan says, "If you ever want to be a Have-Not, just have Candice on your team." And then she laughed loudly at her own joke and put her hood on.

Andy enters *groan* and, I don't know why, but I expected Aryan to change the subject or mask the fact that she's talking shit about everyone. She doesn't though! She keeps talking trash right there in front of Andy. Maybe the venom she spews made Andy nervous because he quickly tells her that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd in the beginning (back when he voted out Bouffant), but he's back on track now. VaGina (Ginamarie) tells him that she likes how he can admit his own mistakes.

Aryan then starts trash talking Elvira again and tells Andy how she was going around the house earlier lying about Nick. She's also really upset that Elvira won't call Amanda a slut. Apparently, Elvira called Aryan a slut for sharing a bed with Bouffant. Aryan says that it's only fair if she starts calling Amanda a slut now because she's sharing a bed with McRae. Aryan comes to the conclusion that Elvira must be jealous of her. She says, quite profoundly, "Jealousy is bad. Jealousy makes you go deeper into the shit." Can I get that stitched on a pillow? Aryan then blames Elvira for Elvira being on the block. Aryan says that Elvira screwed up by not being friends with her. If she only had the smarts to be Aryan's friend, she'd be safe right now.

Eyebrows then enters the HOH and scoots herself to the bathroom where she will cry as she pees. Andy, never running out of things to talk about, begins to tell them all that the Live Feeders have the ability to Flashback and rewind anything on the Feeds. Aryan's jaw hits the floor stunned. She runs into the bathroom and shouts through the door to Eyebrows that the Live Feeders can rewatch anything they want. Eyebrow screams, "NO!!!"

Eyebrows comes out of the toilet and a look of horror is plastered on her face. Aryan tells her that we could zoom in on her butthole if we wanted to. Ummm, that's not exactly true. Secondly, WHY WOULD WE WANT TO?! Oh wait, never mind, I just remembered the names of some really pervy Big Brother fans I know.

Aryan then tells Eyebrows that the viewers probably have sex tapes of her and Asshat by now. Eyebrows scrunches up her face and tells Aryan to stop saying that. Aryan tells her that it's true though. Asshat laughs and doesn't care while Eyebrows yells at Aryan, "Stop saying that!" You see, Eyebrows' biggest fear is being seen as a whore. Remember, this is the girl whose knees haven't touched since she's been in the house.

The chuckleheads then discuss how the live show this week was probably changed to keep Elvira in the house longer. Uh no. It was changed because CBS didn't want their first live show to be on the 4th of July, dumb asses.

Before I leave this charming group, I want to touch on one more thing. Eyebrows tells the HOH crew that she makes $1000 a weekend at her job. Asshat immediately mutters under his breath, "For cocksucking." Ha! True love.

Later, we find Amanda in the HOH tub shaving her bikini line. For some reason, Aryan and McRae are parked on chairs watching her. Somehow Kalia's name comes up and Aryan says that she hated her. McRae agrees and says he did too. So did I! But then, as is the will of Aryan, the conversation turns to a very strange discussion about blacks in the Big Brother house:

Aryan: "How come they don't pick like half-black people that are fun? How come all of the half-black people they choose are all annoying? Think about it... for so many seasons."

McRae: "That sounds vaguely racist."

Aryan: "It does, but like they do it on purpose. They're the racist ones, not me."

Ummm, awk-ward! So CBS is racist because they cast boring half-black people? Excuse me, I'll be tiptoeing away right about now.

Let's get back to that trust thing I was talking about earlier. Spencer and McRae are talking about Amanda and whether or not she can be a part of Spencer's new NINE STRONG supergroup. Nine Strong includes a bunch of people that will take out the other side of the house before turning on each other. McRae finally steps up and starts to defend Amanda - I've been waiting for him to do this, he's been silent for way too long. McRae tells Spencer that they can use her for a valuable vote. He says that in order for the MC to work, they have to trust McRae and trust him when he says he has Amanda under control. Spencer nods and says that he believes McRae. McRae tells Spencer that if he doesn't trust Amanda, then he doesn't trust McRae. Spencer tells McRae that it would be great if they can work with Amanda. He says she's super smart and observes everything that's going on. But that is also what scares him about her because she could sink the MC. McRae assures Spencer that he's trying to keep Amanda segregated and away from everyone else. Spencer advises McRae to talk to the other MC's about Amanda and let them know they can use her for a vote.

McRae then talks to Howard about Amanda. He says that he knows Howard doesn't trust him or Amanda. Howard says he trusts McRae but he doesn't trust Amanda. McRae assures Howard that the MC is the most important thing to him. He is loyal until he dies. When he has to cut Amanda, he will. For now though, he needs to use her.

I think we'll end this post with Aryan and VaGina in the Storage Room. Aryan was just with Asshat in the lounge and he was saying that he went in there to escape the negativity. By "negativity", he meant Aryan. Aryan is now furious that Asshat had the nerve to call her negative. She tells VaGina that it's his crazy girlfriend, Eyebrows, who goes nuts all the time when she gets nervous. VaGina nods and agrees. She says that Eyebrows will ruin everything they've built together. Aryan replies, "Exactly! That's why I'm so pissed!" Aryan then mocks Asshat for saying that he'll win every competition and get MVP every week. VaGina replies, "No one likes him. He's a douchebag. People like people like me who are funny and do the New York thing." Aryan tells VaGina that Asshat told her that the fans like "showmances and powerhouses" just as he was pointing to himself.

Aryan's anger continues to grow as she insists that she helped win the HOH. Asshat didn't do it alone. She tells VaGina that Asshat is fucking up her entire game. VaGina agrees but says they need him because he's strong. VaGina then steers the conversation back to Eyebrows whom she blasts for not being as nice and as personable as VaGina is. VaGina is friendly to everyone while Eyebrows is only up Asshat's ass - VaGina's words, not mine.

Aryan tells VaGina how she's always advising Eyebrows on how to play the game, but that Eyebrows has the nerve to get mad at her for it. Eyebrows doesn't even thank Aryan for her amazing insight. She just runs to Asshat and bitches to him. The nerve! Aryan declares that she is done with Asshat and Eyebrows. That was the last straw. She is DONE now! Riiiight.

So, what do you think about Nick going up on the block? Does Elvira have a chance in hell staying this week? Can McRae protect Amanda from Howard? Comment it out bitches and have a great day! Don't forget to vote in my super scientific poll at the top right of the page.

CBS Interactive Inc.


  1. Does anyone else miss BBAU? I miss BBAU. I still remember the joy I took in the tears of sorrow that Estelle shed when she heard Michael say that everyone hates her. Magic. How about the time Sam did pullups on the roof and our good friend Heather needed an ice bath. Good times.

    All that said, the MC is strong. Good on McRae for going to the members and solidifying his ties. I hope Nick isn't napping, however, because he's got faith in his alliance. At the end of the day, that's only 4 votes in his favor.

    1. How do we watch BBAU? Do they sit around eating meat pies and cooking shrimps on the barbie and stuff? Mmmmm. meat pie.

    2. July 29th? Let me get my alcohol supply together. Shall I write it up like last year?

  2. I'm torn about Elvira's departure. One one hand, my Ferrous the Iron Pig bobblehead could play a better game (or even a game), but on the other, keeping her in the house infuriates Whites R Us, which provides us with more entertainment. What to do, what to do...

  3. I love a scientific poll with no variables! You go girl!
    "Jealousy is bad. Jealousy makes you go deeper into the shit." Too late on the pillow idea. I'm looking at my pillow now that says exactly that. Yup.
    If I didn't have your blog to sort all this shit out, I'd be lost. So for that I thank you. Always a day brightener when I see "New Blog Up". Yeah!

  4. I'm gonna throw a party when Asshat gets evicted and can't wait for Aaryn's eviction interview w/ Julie.....AWKWARD :)

    1. Oh yeah, I'm providing the rice to audience members for that show!!

    2. PS Hope she offers her a bowl of rice :)

  5. Aaryn's eviction interview with Julie is going to be television gold!

  6. I love your blog..it brings a daily smile to my face...i love the nicknames for the houseguest so very fitting...please never stop bb just wont be the same and im glad to have come across you 4yrs ago... Much respect from pittsburgh pa

  7. I think Nick will survive this week ok. He only needs 6 votes, and he should have all 4 Moving Company guys, Kaitlin, Gina, and prob Jessie.

    At this point, it's only Helen, Andy, and Judd really campaigning to keep Elissa. Amanda would, but I think she's starting to get the hint from McCrae that it's not going to happen.

    I want Elissa gone simply to see who CBS production will give MVP to. They'll almost surely give it to an underdog, someone on the 'wrong' end of the house, or at least someone not on the side of the current HOH. Helen could get it, or maybe Amanda.

  8. I sure do hope elvira pulls a rabbit out of her ass & gets 2 stay

  9. This is for non-feeders who want to see the various comments made.
    12 min long


  10. This is the best blog ever. I just laughed my ass off the whole way through!

  11. I can't wait for Asshat, VaGina and Aryan to find out what America REALLY thinks of them ! I still remember when Aryan first found out about MVP she said " I love this twist because I'm going to win MVP every week! " .... loooooooool.

  12. Eyebrows is up Asshat's ass like VaGina is up Aaryn's ass. I hate how VaGina thinks shes so damn endearing,funny and nice. More like skanky,obnoxious and loud.

    and no one likes her "New York thing"

    1. Especially not us New Yorkers!