Friday, June 11, 2010

The Bitch Is Back

Greetings bitches!

It's that time of year again. The time of year when the sun perches itself high up in the sky and 13 or 14 questionably sane people choose to live under the glare of my piercing green eyes. I've spent the past year laboriously preparing for this moment. My bathtub gin is almost ready. I've got glitter on retainer at the craft store and Mr. O'Shaugnessy gets back from Malaysia any day now. I will indeed be blogging BB12 daily. Keep an eye on this site in the first week of July where I'll dissect and unfairly criticize the new cast. Fun!

It's been one hell of a year in the world of Big Brother. Never before has a cast sought to cling on to their fame more than the cast of BB11. Thanks to Twitter and Facebook we've been able to follow the rapid decline and embarrassment of one Miss Michele Noonan (Did I call this train wreck or did I call this train wreck?). Bless her heart. She got new boobs, new teeth, lost all her friends, and paid for a crap hosting video. Just because it's BB12 time doesn't mean you're off the hook Precious (yes, like the movie). You fucked up when you accused me of creating those fake Twitter accounts. You knew I didn't do it yet you slandered my name anyways. Not smart. Until you publicly admit I didn't start those Twitter accounts, you're still under my watchful eye.

We saw Jeff and Jordan stumble and hiccup their way through South America and Europe on The Amazing Race. "Let's dance!" became the phrase du jour and the tortilla industry in Chile will never be the same (not from the earthquake... from Jordan). Thankfully, Jeff will be out of the country this summer to torture a whole slew of foreign innocents while, back in America, I breathe a sigh of relief and menopausal hags everywhere stare wide-eyed at Twitter waiting for an update - any update - of Jeff's whereabouts. Bon voyage Jeffy Pooh! Please don't come back.

Ronnie and the Ragamuffin pretty much kept to themselves staying out of all the post BB drama. Braden attached himself to Jeff's star and is trying to be a manager or something. I don't even know what Laura and Casey are up to and I think Jessie is in the midwest somewhere kissing his biceps. *shrugs shoulders* I stopped following Russell on Twitter because all he talked about was steak and Chima... well, I really don't care what she's doing.

That leaves my two little sparkly bitches, Lydia and Kevin - the duo that should have been on TAR - the two HG's who brought flair, sass, and colorful phrases to an otherwise vanilla house. Lydia's gone through more hairstyles than I can count and The Scarfed One has kept us laughing on Twitter and Facebook. When these two eccentric beauties get together my no-no tingles and I see nothing but magic. So imagine my utter delight when I discovered we'll be able to watch these two all summer long with their new Pop Talk! Web Show. They'll be talking about BB, pop culture, and all sorts of reality show nonsense. I, for one, can't wait.

Paging Michele Noonan... this is how you host a show. No classes. Just charisma.

Please to enjoy:

It's cute, right?

Well, that's it for now. I'll be posting as BB12 news comes in. In the meantime, feel free to join the Bitchy Network where we talk about everything from the Real Housewives to books to sports.

See ya soon bitches!