Saturday, July 11, 2009

Inside Dish - "Call Me Chenbot"

Here's the new episode of Inside Dish with Ross Matthews where he interviews Julie Chen. The Chenbot is a riot and this episode is much better than the last one.

Watch out! Lydia's Driving A Bus That'll Run You All Down!




OK... WEIRDEST day EVER yesterday. The HG's picked who was playing in the POV really early in the day and the rest of the day was spent sitting around waiting for the POV to start.

Chima got HG's choice and picked Natalie. The other players are Jessie, Lydia, Chima, Russell, and Jeff. Is it just me or is it weird that the ENTIRE Athletes clique is playing? Hardly seems fair.

A quick word on Chima: I don't think I've touched on this here before, but this girls laugh is SO BLOODY ANNOYING and bitch laughs at EVERYTHING. It's phony, it's loud, it's shrill... it's driving me bat crazy.

Moving on... Ronnie, sweet innocent Ronnie, brainy dorky Ronnie, uncomplicated excited Ronnie is really the devil incarnate. He gossips more than all of the girls put together. He's the reason most of the HG's distrust one another. It's a good thing he has a photographic memory because it would be humanly impossible to keep all his lies straight. Ronnie, from this day forth I dub thee Shit Stirrer.

Shit Stirrer's new favorite phrase is "snake in the grass". I can't count how many times he called Lydia a "snake in the grass" yesterday. You can hear the Shit Stirrer calling the kettle black and gabbing like a sorority girl in the following clip. He expresses his hate for Braden, Casey, Jordan, and Jeff and then tells Chima that she should let him win the next HOH. Boy has balls.










I can't go on without touching on Natalie. Natalie NEVER SHUTS UP. She is CONSTANTLY playing and running back and forth whispering to Chima, whispering to Jessie, whispering whispering whispering. And why the hell has she pretty much moved into Jessie's HOH room? She eats all his food which I guess is OK because she burns all those calories by running her trap 24/7. Finally, she came clean with Jessie and revealed that she's indeed 24 and that she's a tae kwon do champ. I really hope that lie about her age comes back and bites her in the ass in the very near future. I want this little chatty Natty (why are all Natalie's on BB constant talkers?) to hit the road ASAP.

With the POV looming over the house, they had nothing but speculating to do all day. The original plan was that if Lydia won, Jordan would go up. If anyone else won, nominations would stay the same and Lydia would be sent home. This entire plan pretty much gets shot to hell by the end of the night.

BB gave the HG's a dictionary to read, study, or do whatever with because it had something to do with the POV comp. When asked if they'd studied the dictionary, one of the muscle twins (Laverne or Shirley) said, "Yeah I read a few chapters." LOL I wonder how they found the story of those few chapters to be. Did the aardvark actively alienate the beautifully buxom bystander? Idiots. Allison Grodner then sent out a tweet that the POV comp would "change the complexion of the house". I interpret that as the HG's will be getting something on their faces during the competition. Bukaki? Oh come on... you know you were thinking the same thing.

So the day trudged on and Jessie ate about 30 times, Lydia whimpered into her baby blanky, Chima laughed endlessly, Natalie never stopped talking, Ronnie ran back and forth spreading falsities, Russell gazed in all the mirrors, Laura refused to eat, Michele... Michele? Is she still in the house? What purpose does she serve? Someone needs to start a rumor about her to get her to come out of her shell. It worked with Laura.

Laura was content to be quiet and horsey while occasionally stuffing her ginormous breasts back into whatever teeny tiny top she was wearing. She planned on letting everyone else sink their own ships while she sailed unnoticed into the Final Four. Plannus Interuptus. Ronnie came along and fucked it all up. Shit Stirrer must have run out of people to talk about because he started telling everyone that he wanted Laura out and that Jessie wanted her out too. Laura, desperate for air time, approached Ronnie and confronts him. She tells him she doesn't have any alliances and that she's never said anything about anyone. Ronnie promptly runs and tells Jessie and then immediately runs back down to Laura never leaving her side even when she says she wants to talk to Russell in private. Ronnie was there memorizing everything and thinking of ways to twist his newfound knowledge into moronic gossip.

Boring. Exhausting. Everyone talking in circles. Literally, 6 hours of this passed before they got to the Veto Comp. They timed it so it would end right before After Dark started.

Bad news. Russell won the POV and from what I can tell Jeff threw the whole competition. He didn't want to win and make further enemies if he chose to take Lydia off the block. OK this bugs me. This bugs me big time. What a coward! He claims to be on Lydia's side, but he takes the cowards way out as soon as it's humanly possible? I'm so sick of these players pulling a Dr. Will and losing everything because they think it'll win them the game. Uh Jeffy Pooh, you're not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes. Jessie, Natalie, Chima, and Russell KNEW you threw the POV. They talked about it immediately after the competition was over. I'm pretty sure Lydia knew as well. And Casey was FURIOUS! Man up! Play to win. Pick a side. Put your neck out there for someone in your alliance you pansy.

Here's where the night took a turn down Yucky Lane. After the POV, the HG's that competed wanted to take showers. Lydia said she wanted to shower with Russell (he won the POV after all). Russell, in the HOH, told his alliance he might shower with her just to get a blow job out of her. Major fail Russell. You misogynistic pig. I know Lydia said she'd hook up with whomever to stay in the game, but now it's just a joke. I knew her over the top flirting would get her into trouble. No one takes her seriously now and the guys are beginning to take advantage of her with rude comments like Russell's.

After winning the POV and insulting women everywhere, Russell walked around with his chest puffed up thinking he was god's gift. Jeff was having none of it. He threw a major F-bomb rant in the pool room. My favorite part was when he said, "Go upstairs and fucking jerk off Jessie you homo.". How I would love to see him say that to Russell's face! It starts at about 3:00 in the next clip.










Funny little side note, the DR said something to Chima about her constantly shiny face. She wondered if they'd said something to the others. They hadn't. HAHA!



OK so one thing is really confusing me. Why is half the house so adamant in keeping Chima? She's a sore loser, she bitches about everything (now she's insisting that no one is washing her clothes properly), and she's not really supertight with anyone. I seriously don't get it. There is no advantage whatsoever to keeping Chima in the game.



Laura, for some reason , has become a point of contention for the Muscle Group. I'm thinking it leads back to Ronnie's shenanigans. There may have been some talk about taking Chima off the block and putting Laura on. I'm not sure, but she was in the HOH defending herself to Jessie. She kept saying how powerful she was and how she's one the 4 strongest people in the house and a fierce competitor. Did I miss something here? Laura has done nothing! She lost the HOH competition and she didn't even compete in the POV comp!



She started saying that she wanted to go to the Final Four with Jessie, but any mention of the Final Four Jessie just tunes out. He thinks it's silly to think that far in advance. His new strategy is to take everything day by day because previous experience has taught him that the house changes every hour. At least he's learned something from last time.



Back at the dining table, Lydia kept rubbing Russell's back and I was just horrified. It pisses me off to see her degrading herself like that. When she gets desperate she will resort to ANYTHING to stay in the house. Over the course of the night, she pretty much threw everyone under the bus. She claims that Casey makes fun of her, that she doesn't trust Kevin, and that Braden creeps her out. Ohhhh Lydia WHY? Talking trash about your alliance may keep you in the house another week, but that's just putting off your inevitable eviction. Only now, you'll have your friends coming after you and it'll hurt all the more.



I'm really disappointed in Lydia. I don't like the way she's playing the game. Instead of smart strategizing and building alliances, she's degrading herself and abandoning her friends. She's also crying an awful lot and people are beginning to call her Amber 2.0. If any of those people in her alliance (albeit "soft" alliance) finds out what she's said about them, it'll be a 9-1 vote (only Jordan would vote to keep her) to evict her. It's only Saturday and things change by the minute. I'm hoping Lydia will redeem herself before the POV ceremony.



Last I heard, Jessie was thinking of putting Braden on the block (with the help of Natalie in his ear constantly). I don't like Butter Face Braden, but he didn't really do anything to deserve going up either. I don't understand where Jessie's head is at. He should get rid of Ronnie or Laura and stop listening to Natalie. Natalie has switched loyalties too many times to count and she's going to screw Jessie's game up if he keeps listening to her.



Earlier in the night, Chima revealed something about herself that was shocking and jaw dropping. She was raped and almost killed by a serial killer known as the Bathtub Killer. Crazy, right? Here's a clip from an article online about the attack Chima spoke of:



"Three years later, in February of 1999, 22-year-old Chima Benson sleeps soundly in her sorority house when she wakes up to a masked man in her bedroom. The man brutally beats and rapes Chima, before fleeing into the night. At the hospital semen is collected. The sample is compared to the DNA from the 1996 murders at the Peartree apartment complex, and confirmed to be a match.


The serial killer is back, but now he has changed his methods. He is raping, but not killing. Arlington Detective Tommy Lenoir questions Benson, who tells him her attacker was a black male."



Chima apparently had to have 2 surgeries on her face as a result of the beating. Since then, the Bathtub Killer has been put to death by lethal injection.



Totally out of left field. Heartbreaking. Terrifying. Still, I can't help but wonder why Chima chose to tell this story now. She brought it up after Kevin talked about coming out to his parents. In Big Brother I'm suspicious of everything. Was this an attempt for Chima to stay in the house by getting sympathy votes? I honestly don't know.

Let's get our minds off that sad story and instead head to the gutter. Here's your whacky clips for the day. The HG's are having a talk about different sexual fetishes. Everything is fair game from anal to strap-ons. Send your kids out of the room if you choose to watch. This is very NSFW.















Joel McHale discusses Jessie again on The Soup. I knew he would! Hopefully, someone recorded it and it will be available on youtube later.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Operation Sex Bomb In Full Effect


Did you hear that last night? The low gentle swell of Hallelujah's when the feeds turned on. You know you felt a tingle in your nether regions. You can't fool me.

Jessie is back in the house and personally I'm thrilled. Jessica, Cowboy or Brian would have been too boring. A gentle hairless man beast, on the other hand, always brings the drama.

Jessie Haters, get over yourselves! He's in the house for a limited amount of time. He will NOT win this show. The 12 new HG's have a common bond that even Jessie and his 20 new lbs of man flesh can't penetrate. He's here on a short stint so let's take advantage while we can. He lives in the Land Of Fancy, a mythical world where prisons pop up at every corner and women with faces like frying pans gently knead his calves. In addition, he's brought something new this season and I like to call it the Schlemeel Schlemazel. More on that later.

The feeds turned on and one thing is more than apparent - pervy camera guy is back! Lydia and Jordan decided it would be great fun to dress themselves in bright girly lingerie for the Showtime crowd and pervy camera guy was determined to get his camera up Jordan's dress. It's impossible to do with a camera embedded in the wall, but gosh darn if pervy camera didn't try his damndest.

While we appreciate Jordan and Lydia getting dressed up, it was a little awkward and forced. They weren't performing a lavish show like Chelsia and Natalie did that one legendary night (you know the one I'm talking about). Instead they beautified themselves and then sat around doing nothing special. The other girls snickered and stared. Laura, Natalie, and Ronnie called them America's Favorite Sluts while Chima (pronounced She-ma) said they looked like ho's. I was confused and besotten. How banging is Lydia's body? She's tall, lithe, and has legs for days. At the same time she was fidgety and tugging at her outfit. Maybe it hit her that wearing silly lingerie without a plan wasn't the best of ideas.

While Jordan (who they unfortunately call 'Gucci') and Lydia walked delicately on high heels through the backyard, Russell was busy falling in love in the kitchen. Boy has never met a mirror he didn't like. All night he gazed at himself in every mirror he encountered. He'd turn his head this way and that, flexed his pecs, and looked himself up and down at his reflection as if he were eyeing a choice piece of meat. In actuality, he's a bald short man who added muscle because he couldn't add inches.

Russell only averted his gaze away from himself when Jessie floated down the stairs. You should have seen the glint in his eye! Dare I say, he sparkled? So now Laverne and Shirley are in the kitchen admiring each other's muscles gabbing away like Jonas Brother fans and asking each other, "What did you think me?" "I thought you were ripped. What did you think of me?" Mensa material clearly. It was almost beautiful watching the birth of this bromance.

In between the awkward lingerie show and the man love taking place in the kitchen, I discovered who our 2 HG's up for eviction are. It's Chima and Lydia. Really Jessie, really? I guess I'm not surprised he went with 2 women. Didn't he always target the women on his season as well? Women just don't appreciate his muscles like other men do I guess.

It turns out that during a food competition called 'Haves and Have Nots'. Chima threw a major hissy fit when she lost and was placed in the Have Nots. The Have Nots are on slop, have to take cold showers, and are forced to sleep in the dreaded Third Room. Apparently, she bitched and moaned telling the producers that this is not what she signed up for. Uh yeah bitch, this is what you signed up for!

OK so the house is clearly divided. On one side we have Natalie, Chima, Russell, Laura and Jessie. The other side is Jordan, Lydia, Jeff, Kevin and Casey. It's unclear where Michele and Ronnie really lie. Michele doesn't speak and Ronnie floats in between the two groups. Chima, Jessie and Natalie all have a problem with Jeff. They can't believe he'd vote against his clique. Jeff is doing his own thing and not following the crowd. Makes me like him all the more.

A word on Jeffy Pooh: Allison Grodner had it all wrong. Butter Face Braden is not eye candy at all. He's soft and flabby with the body of a woman 2 months pregnant. It's Jeff who's captured the ladies hearts in the live feeds. Girls were swooning all over the place over him. I don't get it at all. I find him perfectly ordinary, but who am I to argue with the majority?

Lydia, pissed at her nomination, is determined to win the POV and stay in the house. Until then, she and Kevin have launched Operation Sex Bomb. She's going to use her feminine wiles to stay in the game. She did say in her interview that she would hook up in order to further her game. A woman true to her word.

Her first victim was Russell. She slinked over to him in the kitchen, towering above him, and gripping him in a tight bear hug. He blushed and said she was so freaking tall. Next was Casey. He walked by and Lydia shouted, "Casey is there a moment where you don't look so good?" Casey grinned and flirted back saying it was Lydia who looked good. Then Natalie walks by and heads upstairs to take a bath in the HOH room. Lydia jokes that she wants Natalie to bathe naked. Lydia is working overtime like the rent is due tomorrow! She better be careful though. Operation Sex Bomb can blow up in her face if she's too obnoxious.

My most favorite seduction of the night was her attack on Jessie. She cooed, she touched, she batted her lashes, she hugged, she snuggled, she let a single tear drop down her face (hello Demi). Girl can cry on cue! Here's a little snippet of the almost 30 minute seduction that went on last night:







After Jessie, Lydia went to work on Ronnie. She told Ronnie that she wanted a "nice person" to win the game and she implied that Chima was not that person. Chima, in fact, is a bitch. She thinks Chima is mean and then plays off her meanness by pretending she's funny. I really can't tell if Ronnie was taking the bait. He was acting like he was, but, then again, he's also tight with Natalie and Laura. I can't get a read on the guy quite yet.



Let's touch on some of the other HG's and how they're not living up to my first impressions...



Jordan is way more outgoing than I gave her credit for. She's bitchy, flirty, and speaks up. Knowing that she's only really seen footage of the CBS shows makes me think that she's not hyper aware of the cameras yet. She's not privy to what acting like a fool will do to you on youtube and thank heaven for that! Laura, on the other hand, is very uptight. She's long-faced and sad, busy thinking all the time, making sure the cameras are getting her at her best angle. Thus far, she's a big boobed bore!



Natalie is scrappy, low maintenance, and tight with all the guys. She's young and it shows. She's rushed into alliances without thinking about how they can advance her game. I wouldn't be surprised if her Athletic clique turns on her in the future. And if Chima leaves this week, she's down a female ally which will hurt her in the end. For some reason, she's completely made herself at home in Jessie's HOH. She listens to his music, stays in his room while he showers, bathes in his tub. I'm not even really getting an impression that Jessie is all that tight with her, but Man Beast can't afford to make any enemies I guess so he lets her do what she wants.



Casey is annoying. Have you ever seen that movie Malibu's Most Wanted with Jaime Kennedy? Well, we have a new B-Rad in the house and thy name is Casey. DJ Jazzy Casey, when not talking about the game, is obnoxious, idiotic, and childish. When Casey Kasem starts gets serious though, I really really like him. He's got a lot going on upstairs as demonstrated in a convo he had with Kevin.



MC White does NOT trust Jeff. He's convinced Jeff threw the HOH competition insisting there's no way a guy that athletic could have fallen so quickly. He thinks floaters need to go ASAP - this may include Ronnie whom he thinks makes more money than he's letting on. He wants Natalie gone SPECIFICALLY for being 18 (I knew that lie was moronic and would backfire). He thinks Laura could be an ally because she's in desperate need of allies. His approach is to play the game week by week and reevaluate what his alliances are before moving forward. Smart. It's always bugged me when people would assume they'd win HOH or POV and then make elaborate plans around wins that hadn't even happened yet. It looks like, for now, he's leaning towards keeping Lydia in the game. Thank you Casey.

Late night after Showtime ended, the HG's decided to put on a little beauty pageant type show in the BY. Casey, shockingly funny, hosted and here's what went down:













Late in the night, Lydia worked a little more on Natalie and Michele. Natalie seemed to be taking the bait saying she felt bad that Lydia was so upset, but early this morning she told Jessie that she would not vote out Chima. Jessie doesn't think Chima needs the money, but, unfortunately, he's also leaning towards getting rid of Lydia.



Today is crucial. Lydia needs to stop being so fake and over the top and make some real alliances. She's definitely very close to going home if she loses POV tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see how Operation Sex Bomb evolves today.



So what did you guys think about last night? Who are you liking? Hating? How did your first impressions change? Spill it. I'm all ears.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Chenbot Reveals Twist On Craig Ferguson

Julie Chen was on Craig Ferguson last night and, in addition to revealing this year's twist, she revealed that she's going to be having a bouncing baby boy. Congratulations Chenbot!

I'm not going to mince words here. Chenbot really didn't reveal anything we already didn't know. She says there will be a mystery 13th Houseguest from a former season. This is what we've been told ALL ALONG! No new news here babe. The thing that pisses me off just a tad is how all these other BB sites have been reporting 16 HG's for the past week. Apparently, they all heard it from their super secret inside sources. What a crock!

The moral to this story is that the ONLY source die hard BB fans can count on and trust is the mysterious insider known as Corner Office. Corner Office is the only one who consistently reports accurate information. If you check out my last post in the spoilers section, you'll see all the crazy rumors that were going around yesterday. BBDish had CONFIRMED, set in stone, tattooed it on their ass that there were going to be 4 new HG's. Meanwhile, Steven (last night on BB Hour) AND Julie Chen flew in and unconfirmed that shit in one fell swoop.

Back to Ferguson... remember when Julie was on last year and Craig had a field day picking on Jessie? Well, the way she said that Craig will definitely remember the HG coming back makes me think it could very well be Jessie. Jessie with his rippling muscles and empty head has come squatting back into my heart. I love this boy and all his ridiculous metaphors. He gives me endless material for my daily posts. Mind you, I don't want him to win or anything. I merely want this strapping young buck to continue to be a moron so I can, in turn, retell it all here in order to entertain you good people with.

Here's the clip from last night. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Official Bitchy Welcome Complete With Spoilers

Greetings fellow Big Brother junkies! How antsy are you today? I don't know about you, but I'm having trouble keeping my mind focussed on anything not BB related. I went to Whole Foods to purchase supplies for my underground BB shelter and a strange thing happened while in the produce section. I squeezed a melon or two. Natalie. Tested the firmness of a zucchini. James. Bought a giant box of raisins. Jessie. Everywhere I turned I saw ghosts of BB past.

Those of you new to the Bitchy Big Brother Blog should know how this season will be going down...

I will be posting a recap blog everyday. Each blog will cover all the goings-on in the house of the prior 24 hour period. For example, a blog post on Friday will cover everything from Thursday day into Thursday late night. Saturday's blog will cover Friday and so on. Blogs will contain clips of the previous days juiciest moments. No fight, sexual dalliance, or sneaky scheming will go unnoticed by moi. They will all be posted here for your viewing pleasure and retold with my signature bitchy wit and charm.

I will send a tweet when a new blog is up. Please follow me on Twitter so you never miss a thing: http://twitter.com/ColetteLala

If you're not on Twitter, don't sweat it. The blog will be up probably between 12- 2 PM EST weekdays and a little earlier weekends. It coincides perfectly to when the HG's wake their lazy asses up California time.

Since I will be covering EVERYTHING in the house, this blog will contain SPOILERS. You'll have spoilers coming out your ass by the time I'm done with you. I'm warning you now: If you do not want to know who wins competitions or who gets nominated before the CBS show airs then this is not the place for you. Thank you for stopping by and have a lovely day.

For those of you who want and need to know everything, welcome! You can call me Lala and I will be your Cruise Director for Big Brother Season 11 2009. Please extinguish all cigarettes and return your seats and tray tables to their full upright position.

Let's get those pesky abbreviations out of the way, shall we? If you're not familiar with BB blogs, the following abbreviations will be used almost daily. Get to know them.

BB - Big Brother (duh)
HG - Houseguest
HOH - Head of Household
POV - Power Of Veto
DR - Diary Room
LD - Lockdown (when HG's are forbidden to go either inside or outside)
BY - Backyard
LR - Living Room
BR - Bedroom
BBT - Big Brother Time (Pacific Time)
FoTH - Flush of The House, this is the graphic we see when the feeds go down (during competitions, prepping for live show, whenever an HG sings or talks smack about someone in the real world)

With the increased popularity of Twitter it will no doubt (and already is!) be a HUGE part of BB11 (#BB11). I haven't decided yet if I'll tweet competition results. I wouldn't want to inadvertently tweet a spoiler to someone who doesn't want to be spoiled. I will, however, tweet MAJOR events as they're happening on the feeds. For example, "Huge fight between Laura & Lydia right now on Cam3!" That way if you're away from your feeds, you can drop everything and run wildly to your nearest computer.

If you are a live-feeder and frequent the chat rooms, go ahead and add me to your Friend List. I'm on Real Player as ColetteLala. My list is still intact from last season so if you've changed your name this season, please let me know.

Comment and comment frequently. Agree with me, disagree with me, lend me your insights... I love hearing what you guys have to say. I've changed my settings so Anonymous commenting is permitted. If you're a follower of my old blog, let me know who you are in the comments if you're commenting anonymously now.

Spread the word! This is my 4th season doing this blog and every year it gets bigger and better. This year the Bitchy Big Brother Blog is listed on several other BB sites as well as some cool blogs that might interest you (check out slackerchic listed on my blogroll). Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell the dude in the next cubicle, retweet my tweets, show me love people. If you have a blog (BB related or not) and would like to be listed on my blogroll, shoot me an email at colette_lala@yahoo.com. You list me, I'll list you.


Thank you for your continued support,
Colette Lala

P.S. The Chenbot will be on Craig Ferguson tonight. Apparently, she's revealing a secret pertaining to this season. Clip will be posted here tomorrow.

***SPECIAL INSIDER INFO***

***BB insiders are reporting that we have one hell of a diva(o) in the house already. Someone lost a competition and threw a major hissy fit. My money is on Laura, Russell, or Braden. Who do you think it could be?

*** Yesterday HG's performed Thriller in memory of Michael Jackson. Can't wait to see that footage!

*** Ronnie has only been in the house for 3 days, but he's convinced he's already lost 4 lbs.

*** Could Jen Johnson be the Mystery Houseguest? Some sources are saying it's been confirmed. The Bitchy Big Brother Blog loves that bitch!

*** The BBDish site is reporting that the following HG's are the Mystery Houseguests: Brian (Brains), Jesse (Jocks), Cowboy (Outcasts), and Jessica (Populars)

*** Steven just said on the BB Hour that he's 99% only ONE HG is returning.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Casey - DJ Poseur, MC Juice Man - Interview

Someone on youtube described Casey as having a little bit of "poseur" in him. Well, I couldn't agree more. The dropping of the hip happening lingo is way hokey. I think he's trying to act like the 5th graders in his class.

He claims he's from the hip-hop community. Hmmm. I, ummm, I don't know what to say to that. He's rendered me speechless.

Casey claims he has "juice". I'm seriously scared to even ask what the hell that means.

"Roofin'"? What's roofin'? I don't think he's talking about laying shingles down. Oh, he's exhausting! I give up.





Jeff from Chicaaaaaaago Interview

Jeff has an annoying Midwestern accent and says whiny people get on his nerves. Well, Jeffy Pooh, your voice gets on my nerves, don't ya know?

Oh Jeff is so blah. He bores me. Nothing about him is interesting. The most interesting thing about this interview is how Diane will NOT SHUT UP ABOUT LOSING HER SEASON DUE TO HER SHOWMANCE! I am so done with Diane right now. Seriously, girlfriend, you have issues. Go get yourself some therapy and get over that goddamn showmance that is still causing you so much grief.

A good thing about Jeff is he's willing to have a showmance. Good for you Jeffy Pooh! There's nothing wrong with a little onscreen lovin' that I can dissect and make fun of. Nothing wrong with it at all.

Another good thing about Jeff (hmmm maybe he's not so bad after all) is that he called out Diane about being so MAJORLY sensitive to her own pathetic loser-y showmance. Thank you Jeff! Finally, someone had the balls to say something to her.



Majorly Major Spoilers - 1st Day In The House

*** The following post contains info on who won the first HOH ***

Corner Office, a BB insider, has divulged what went down the first night of BB11.

“As with every first night of Big Brother it was a love fest.

Ronnie couldn’t hide his excitement.

During the “Getting to know you” in the living room, Laura and Braden sat in the “you got screwed chairs”.

Casey comes off as another Boogie, fedora and all.

Jeff wore the Chicago city flag on his shirt. He definitely has an accent.

Michele downplayed her personal info.

Jordan is the new Jessica and everyone will love her.

*Watch out for Russell. He’s very chill and smart.*

Lydia and Laura were the first to talk game.* It was very brief and they said it’s hard to team up when they don’t know what cliques they’ll be in. Then Jeff and Russell joined them up stairs to play chess.

When Casey was called into the DR the rest of the HG made fun of him a little.

Braden rapped as well as a white surfer from the OC can.

BB decided to divide the HG into their cliques after all. They found out when they entered the Back Yard for the HOH Comp.

The first comp was endurance.
The Athletes seemed to have the best grip on the game over all. Not just the physical aspect but also the mental. They’re there to play.

At 11:30 the house had an HOH. You first met him in BB10 and he is sure to add a lot of drama to not only the house but to his clique as well.”

Who is the BB10 alum who won HOH? Michelle from last year updated her facebook status. It now says that she's "rooting for Jessie". Can it be? Can the architect of his own imaginary prison really be back? He'd definitely add drama to the house and if he's in a clique with Russell the testosterone overload could have cataclysmic repercussions. Other BB websites are guessing Brian.

If the last BB spoiler update is accurate, then it wouldn't be so farfetched that BOTH Brian and Jessie are now in the house. If there are indeed 4 alumni coming back, could they be Brian, Jessie, Sheila and Jessica? I'll keep you posted if I hear anything new.

UPDATE: It has been confirmed that Sheila from BB9 will NOT be on Big Brother 11... and the choir of angels sang and rejoiced!

16 TOTAL Houseguests! Spoiler Alert!

From our friends at the bigbrothernetwork.com (click on their link in my Blogroll, Big Brother 11):

The Big Brother 11 houseguests entered their new home yesterday and the game has been underway ever since. As I hoped, we’ve already got our first Big Brother spoilers leaked out from RealityBBQ. The cliques have been rumorishly confirmed along with how previous HGs play into that 13th mystery spot.

If you’d rather keep it a surprise until Thursday, then just move to the next post. Otherwise, click “Continue Reading” to find out what happened overnight…

Okay, BB spoiler time. The HGs were split into groups again to enter the house and Russell, Ronnie, Laura, and Kevin went first. The cliques divided up almost as I had guessed. I was so close! Swap Chima into the “Brainiacs” and Casey into the “Off-Beats” and you’ve got the cliques:

Brainiacs: Ronnie, Michele, and Chima
Athletes: Natalie, Russell, and likely Jeff
Populars: Laura, Jordan, and Braden
Off-Beats: Lydia, Kevin, and Casey


Now for the 13th houseguest rumor. Supposedly, as many suspected, it’ll be a past Big Brother player, but there won’t be just one. Instead there will be 4 of them, one for each clique. The groups still don’t know who it’ll be, but the tipster says “One of them had a showmance. Another was almost an All Star.” And, most interesting of all is the tip that the first HoH will be a former HG. Shocka!

Great investigative journalism Matt!

Any guesses on who the Mystery HG's will be? I'm going to guess Sheila, Brian, Jessica and Remy. The Remy guess is a total shot in the dark.

Laura: I Need A Saddle For This Interview

The weirdest interview yet. Laura's face is REALLY disturbing. If she didn't fancy herself to be hot shit she wouldn't bug me, but she does so that makes her fair game. Oats. Ugly girls who think they're pretty are the absolute worst. You have to keep pushing them down with the palm of your hand. And they're tenacious little monkeys to boot. Canter. So many of them end up on reality shows. Maybe that's because the real world doesn't like them getting above their station in life and reality shows are their only milieu.

While I can't handle looking at her without brushing a My Little Pony's hair, I kind of like everything she's saying. She's brutally honest, doesn't take shit from anyone, and wants a girl to control the game... three things I typically admire in people. Wildfire. That face, nonexistent upper lip, is really going to be hard for me to get around though. Whoa Horsey! Very few ugly girls who think they're hot have redeeming personalities. If Laura pulls it off, I'll give her credit (and some cash for some collagen).



UPDATE: Here's Laura's interview with Diane

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Natalie Interview... *yawn*

I actually watched this interview second today, but it was so boring that I didn't post it at the time. Since I'm going ahead and posting all the interviews, I guess I'll tie up some loose ends now.

So um yeah... I was bored. She loves her dad and she does tae kwon do. Big deal. Why did I think she was spunky when I first saw her? Maybe it's her immaturity that's really coming through in this interview. She seems a little naive and willing to believe anything people tell her. If you tell her something with enough conviction, she'll probably completely fall for it. She'll be good to watch in physical competitions because she could be a great female threat, but other than that she's not doing much for me.



Ronnie: I Like Him Something Awful

Lovable dork Ronnie misses his wife "something awful". All together now... awwwwwwwwww.

You know what? I like him. I like him a lot. The other HG's may see him as an easy target, but I can easily see Ronnie rising up like a phoenix from the ash and crushing everyone in his path. He's a tap dancing, computer game playing West Virginia boy who's wicked smart and will lay low to further his game. He doesn't care for jocks (you're toast Russell) and let's logic and rational thinking pave his way in life. Hey, I even like his dorky laugh. It's genuine. He doesn't put on airs and he's a die hard fan.

Ronnie is my dark horse. Keep an eye on him. He's going to go far.




Jordan Will Let You Ring Her Southern Belles

Jordan. Southern Belle. Bless her heart. She doesn't have the internet and a 5 hour flight to the big bad city of L.A. is just sooooooooo long. Bitch, try flying to Thailand with a hangover, a broken bra strap, and an empty bottle of xanax!

Seriously though, this chick is wholeseome. I'm talking unicorns and rainbows wholesome. Wait a tic... isn't she the one with the boob job? Please tell me her parents got them for her because of Big Brother. I would love that! You know she got back from her initial interview where all the big plastic boobs of L.A. scared her yet intrigued her at the same time. She wondered what they felt like. She envisioned herself being able to survive a plane crash over the ocean because she'd be able to float. You know she didn't get those bubbies for sex. Hell no!

I wonder if Miss Jordan is a virgin... just a good ole gal from the trailer park... reminds me of Kirsten Dunst's character in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Amber Atkins. Pretty, innocent, trying to make something of her life. I will have SO much fun creating Jordan's back story. The possibilites are endless. I haven't decided if I'll turn her into a slut yet. Nah. I like her virginal. Virginal but OBSESSED with sex. The naughty virgin.

In a nutshell, this game is going to eat her alive. Someone will lie to her or use her and she'll lose all faith in the world. Bunnies won't make sense anymore and clowns will only frown. She's delightful in a way. I'll have a good time with her.



Super Fabulous Kevin Interview Gives Me Face

Faaaaabulous! Face. Face. Face. Give me face! (You'll only get that if you watched RuPaul's Drag Race) Where is Nina Flowers when you need her?

His lingo, his scarf, his fabulosity... I love him! Choo choo... I am officially on board Kevin's gay train of love. He describes himself as "super fabulous with a snap" or "ghetto fabulous". His parents are crazy religious and, as a result, he's allergic to jesus. I love that. I'm totally stealing that phrase from him. I could sit and listen to him talk for hours. Everything is drama and he's divine.

My fantasy: Lydia and Kevin become besties and control everyone like mad fabulous puppeteers.



Chima: This Bitch Will Bug Me... I think

Clowns. Barnum and Bailey. Oh please... don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing.



(Note: I was writing this as the interview was running. You'll notice how my opinion slowly begins to change as the interview goes on.)

Chima is going to bug me. This is a fact. If she proves me wrong, I'll be the first one to admit it, but until then... bitch bugs me. I can't even pinpoint why yet. Maybe she's phony? I don't know, but something about her is really rubbing me the wrong way... OR is it rubbing me the right way and I just don't want to admit it? She's definitely got an inner bitch. You can tell when she was talking about Jen Johnson, but it was her Jen Johnson comment that made me pause and scratch my head. Could I like her? Could I end up actually rooting for Bozo... er, I mean Chima?



She's strong. I can respect that. She says what's on her mind. You know I'm all about that. But... but... but... something isn't right.



OK, I think I know what it is. She's saying all the right things in this interview, but I'm REALLY wary as to whether or not I should trust her and take her at her word. That's it! Something about her is untrustworthy and I can't get onboard her bus yet.



I'm teetering in between hating her and liking her. She could win me over. Only time will tell.

Someone needs to tell Diane that she's gotta get over that showmance thing already. She's mentioned it in every interview she's done. Get over it!







Russell The Love Muscle Makes Me Vomit

Jessie part deux. Russell's one of those guys who's obsessed with his body because he can't think of anything else clever to discuss other than himself. I'll bet he's a face painter when he goes to sports games. He's got a lot of "buddies" and they like to drink beer and make misogynistic remarks. He wants to be a bad boy, but he's really just a generic wrestling tool. Don't you dare make any homosexual remarks about this guy! He's all man and he'll break your face in order to prove how straight he is. In other words, he's a dime a dozen. He's a stereotype. I'll be shocked if he has any redeeming qualities.

Maybe... just maybe a priest touched him when he was a child and this strong guy bravado is a defense mechanism? There's something about him that almost makes me think he could have a HUGE secret. Am I reaching here? Am I expecting too much from Russell The Love Muscle or is he really just a stereotypical jock with nothing more to offer the world? I'm almost willing to give him a chance if he has a deep dark secret. If he doesn't have a secret, then the hell with him.

At 4:57, did he call himself a "heartbreaker? I'm putting this out there right now. Evict him FIRST!





Michele's Geek Chic Interview

The female brainiac has arrived! She's geeky and a little awkward and kind of unsure of herself, but I'm finding her endearing. Michele is a genuinely nice person. She's one of those people who's happy more often than not (these people fascinate me since I'm terminally pissed off all the time). She says "you know" WAY too much, but I think she just might be nervous.

She's humble and sweet and will probably fly under the radar for a few weeks. I hate to say it, but I think her goodness will be her downfall. I really hope she has an inner bitch that she's willing to unleash. How great would it be to see her get all Jersey on someone? Fingers crossed. Otherwise, I can see her getting pretty far only to have her good girl image be a threat towards the end. I'm very curious to see who she teams up with in the house and if she'll be a follower or stand up for her own convictions.

Lydia's Interview - She Doesn't Suck!

The interview I've been waiting for!

Lydia is very familiar with the game and she's got a plan! She's all about girl power and I love her for it. Down to earth, will hook up to further her game (girl after my own heart), REALLY interested in why men seem to pull it off in the house easier than the girls, and definitely knows her BB trivia. There is nothing not to like about this girl. *wipes brow* Whew! She doesn't suck. I don't look like a fool for endorsing her.

I loved it when she revealed that BB was calling all her friends to find out what she's scared of. That behind the scenes crap always fascinates me. She doesn't get why HG's always vote with the majority rather than who they really want to vote for - me either Lydia! We are so simpatico.



Butter Face Braden Interview

Douche bag says what? Oh dear god this guy is brimming with cliches and he's gonna "rock the show and blow it up! Bring it on and keep it real!". *stabs myself in ear* Braden also says that, "Women are the root of all evil." Uh yeah, because I think you like dick dude. If you're gay, embrace it! Actually, I think he's a switch hitter. By the way, the most wonderful people on the planet play on both teams. ;)

The interviewer (Diane from season 2) asks him point blank if he's done porn and he says, "No, no porn." He respects his family too much to do porn (but obviously not enough to show his wang on a popular gay drama). Whatever brah. Own it! Obviously, Diane knows that Braden has dropped trou on tv. You can hear it in her voice. Why she didn't press him on it is beyond me.

Seriously, how much does Diane want Braden's ass already?



Ugh. I hate him. He was much more interesting when I hadn't heard him speak.

More interviews on the way!

Best of BB10: Land Of Fancy Revisited

Today is the day folks. Today beautiful downtown Burbank just got more beautiful. Today 12 seemingly innocent people marched dutifully into my dreams. The HG's are in the house bitches and 4 days from now the world will get to see how it all went down! To celebrate this momentus occasion I decided to repost one of my favorite blogs from last season. I can only pray that this season is sprinkled with all the panache, grace, and unsatisfying sexy time we were blessed with in BB10.

Without further ado, I give you BB10: The Land Of Fancy!







The Veto Ceremony came and went and Keesha is still clinging to her big fat gay "word" she keeps throwing around. I'm telling you this "word" of hers gets around more than Ollie's love juice. I could have sworn I saw the "word" dripping down April's legs, but then again that could have been my BB baby making a run for the hills. "Word" to your mother.

Keesha didn't change the nominations yet Jessie continues to bug everyone about being on the block. He seems to think the veto ceremony was merely a trial run because he's the great and wonderful Jessie and there's no way in hell he can STILL be on the block. Maybe if he pretends he was never nominated in the first place that big bad nomination will just go away and he can get back to doing tricep dips in the backyard. I move that the house perform another make-believe veto ceremony and maybe Jessie will get the hint and go cry into his big muscles back in his make-believe jail and get a make-believe prison bitch (Manchelle) and make some make believe sweet love (sans the condom of course) and make me another make-believe BB baby.

Despite Jessie being a major pain in the ass and CLEARLY planning on going after Keesha next week, he's still safe (as of right now)! I have a theory. All that chocolate Keesha got when she won HOH is obviously laced with copious amounts of PCP. I mean, what other reason could she possibly have for telling her minions to vote to keep a big angry hairless man-beast who wants her head on a spike? Her time hiding away in her ivory tower has clouded her judgment. If Manchelle or Jessie win HOH next week, Keesha is 100% going on the block.

Speaking of the 2 trannies, Jessie and Manchelle like to sneak away to the spa room and whisper like 2 sorority girls about their big plans if they win HOH. I, for one, am actually hoping one of them does win HOH next week. That nerd herd needs to broken up and I'm determined to see Keesha and April cry off their mascara as much as possible. I want deep slimy tracks of tears running down their faces making jagged lines into their thickly applied blush. As much as I dislike Jessie, I think it would be absolutely hysterical for him to win HOH and once again wreak havoc on the house.

Can you imagine how cocky Jessie will be if he wins HOH? I'm tingly with excitement just thinking about it. He can rub one out to more of his "shredded" bodybuilding pictures. He can lie lazily and shirtless on his big bed munching on beef jerky while Manchelle rubs his calves. He could hold court in his room while the nerd herd are forced to choke back their pride and make pleas for their safety. He'll make Keesha lie underneath his sweaty hairless (yes, I think they're hairless) balls as he does 800 squats on her face. She'll crinkle her brow and squeak out some more of her "word". Call me crazy, but Jessie in power just might be what this house needs right now.

Poor Angie. Poor hopeless useless uninteresting Angie. As much as I like her and would like to see her stay in the game, she does NOTHING to save herself. It was smart when Jessie was galavanting around for her to be quiet, but now she needs to strike. She needs to make a move. I was so excited yesterday when I saw Angie begin an elaborate ancient Korean war ritual. I thought, "This girl isn't going down without a fight! She's going to judo chop her way to safety!"




She removed herself from the hubbub of the living area and sought sanctuary in the big bathroom. Carefully she mixed a thick magic potion that was a deep teal color. She silently chanted Korean words of wisdom to herself and began to smear the thick potion all over her face. She was obviously summoning the power of her heroic fallen ancestors. She was receiving a burning fire of inspiration deep in her belly causing her to screech out an ancient tribal war cry. Right? I mean, this has to be what she was doing!







It turns out I, not unlike Jessie, am also living in the land of fancy. Angie was just waxing her face and those screeches I heard were just her ripping out her unibrow. She's not doing a damn thing to ensure her safety. She's given in and she's 99% going home on Thursday. She's waxing her face smooth for her interview with the Chenbot I guess. Nothing short of Jessie ripping Keesha in half with his big muscles can save Angie now.

Late night my girl Renny once again delighted us all with her ability to entertain. She raised everyone's spirits with her impersonations of HG's. This whole time I thought her silent observing was her collecting data on how to defeat the house. It turns out she was gathering information for her cabaret act.













The entertainment continued in the backyard with another puppet show. I've never been a fan of the puppet shows, but all you people seem to love them so here you go...
Memphis and Jessie summon up the ghost of Brian:







Back to Jessie... it always gets back to Jessie doesn't it? Earlier I thought Steven was the new Amber with his ignorant remarks about "that colored girl" and Muslims. Looks like Amber's spirit is never out of the house for long. Yesterday Jessie gave his opinion on Jews and money, "they're the ones with all the money, they're the ones that own the banks that they get the loans from them." Way to go Jessie! Your ignorance knows no bounds.

In honor of Jessie and his amazing talent to incessantly bitch, enjoy the following homage: