Vive La France!

Revolution. A forcible overthrow of a government or social order for a new system. A mob of angry Parisians did it on this very day back in 1789. Waving baguettes angrily over their heads, the French stormed the Bastille, a symbol of French authority, and began a revolution. Before it was a mob though, it was probably one man and a whisper. Over some smokes and a cafe au lait there was one tiny whisper. One simple utterance where one guy in a beret said to another guy in a beret, "Marcel, I dew nott lek zose pee-pell een zat Bastille." Marcel replied, "Oui, zey are bastards!" And that was that. They told some friends and those friends told some friends and then those friends told even more friends. It was very much like that shampoo commercial from the 80's - "And so on, and so on." Could the same thing happen in the Big Brother 14 house? "Danielle, I dew nott lek zose Coaches een zees game." "Oui Frank, zey are bastards!" Vive la revolution! Let's recap, shall we?

After a fitful night's sleep Houseguests begin their day early and with a bang. Britney immediately heads into the HOH to make sure that Willie is on the same page she is. With the POV hours away, she needs to make sure that Willie doesn't do something crazy to eff up their plans of total house domination. Britney wants to err on the side of the caution. She wants to wait and see who wins the POV and then proceed from there. Willie, however, already has the entire game mapped out in his head. First, he'll win POV. Then, he'll get Kara out. Next week he'll win HOH again, get rid of another person, win HOH again, get rid of another person and so on, and so on. Britney sighs and looks down into her coffee cup, "You know you can't compete every week, right? You never know how the others will vote." Willie replies, "But I can read people. I know what they're thinking." Britney inhales deeply and tries to explain to Willie how the game of Big Brother works. Willie isn't having it though. He has looked into everyone's eyes, those tiny ocular crystal balls, and now he knows all of their plans.

Britney soon realizes that when talking to Willie she needs take it one step at a time. Baby steps as opposed to the big picture. She tells Willie that she doesn't think he has the votes to get rid of Kara. Willie tells her that he looked into Frank's eyes and knows he is genuine. He promised to take care of Willie next week so... that's that! One thing Frank isn't sure of though is Janelle. *bites fist* He doesn't like how she's always around and wonders if perhaps she's setting herself up to get ahead in this game. Of course she's setting herself up to get ahead in the game! Isn't everyone?

Willie then drops a bombshell. Next week, when Frank wins HOH like he planned, he wants to get rid of Wil. Come again? Wil?!? Wil, my fairy godmother? Wil, the paron saint of glitter? Oh hell no. Britney seems to be as stunned as I am and replies frantically, "Why Wil?!?" Willie's reasoning is that he wants to split up the other groups and keep Britney's team strong, but I'm not buying it. Not for one second. There's been a lot of speculation (by Britney specifically) that the Coaches will at some point be allowed to reenter the game and compete. If this happens, Willie needs to not only concentrate on keeping his team strong, but he also needs to focus on weakening the Coaches as well. With Britney and Janelle's giant alliance of 8 or so people, Willie will need to slowly start chipping away at their numbers. Plus, remember how Willie said he wanted to upset everyone in the house? Is this step one? Turning Britney and Janelle against one another?

Janelle enters the HOH and the talk turns to Dan and how screwed he'll be if Kara goes home this week. Hey, you know me, I love the sound of that. As a matter of fact, if I were in the house, I'd get rid of Kara this week and then next week I'd go after Danielle. Buh bye Dan! Let's just get rid of Dan altogether and make him a Big Brother laughingstock. All he does is walk around the house looking for different things to lay on anyways. He's a lackluster broom handle.

Speaking of Dan, he screwed up big time. Did you know that at the start of the game he advised Kara to lay low and not socialize with people? And, did you know that it's because Kara didn't socialize with anyone that she's on the block? Oh yeah, that Dan is a wizard. Sensing that Kara is in trouble (ya think?!), Dan finally advises her to talk to Willie and make a deal.

Immediately Kara pulls Willie into the Have Not room and offers to make a deal. If he can keep her in the game, she won't go after him next week. Willie nods and tells her to win the veto. "I'll fight with everything inside of me," she replies. Kara adds that if Frank stays in the game he'll probably go after Willie next. Willie leans in and whispers that he's willing to work with Kara in an alliance, but she has to keep it secret from Dan. He doesn't want her telling Dan anything about this conversation they're having.

Willie continues and tells Kara, "We don't have to play with the Coaches." *whispers "Revolution"* "This isn't their game. It's our game." Kara nods in agreement. However, Willie is concerned about the friends Kara has that he doesn't have (Danielle?). He'd like to work with Kara because no one in the house would expect it. Again, he tells her that she can't tell any of this to Dan. He advises that they meet once a day so he can find out where her head is at and find out what she's thinking. But no telling Dan! It's Dan's fault she's on the block in the first place so she'd be wise to steer clear of him from now on. Is Willie genuine or hanging Kara out to dry? I don't know!

After her conversation with Willie, Kara reports to Danielle that she doesn't think Willie trusts her. She told him she's not going after him. In fact, she'll put up Ian and Joe next week if she won HOH - no questions asked.

Meanwhile, Ashley's back is still all wiggedy whack from sleeping on a slab on concrete in the Have Not room so Big Brother has brought a medic over to take a look at her. Shane, too, isn't doing so well from the sleeping conditions. 

The house then turns into pre-POV jitters. Frank sits in the lounge stretching his monster ham thighs while Willie, jonesing for a smoke, nervously does laps in the kitchen area. After what seems like an eternity, the feeds finally go down and it's POV time.

*plays Jeopardy! theme song*

And, we're back! Shane has won the POV in what sounds like some sort of Cancun foam party with slot machines. From what I can gather, the Houseguests had to find various denomination coins hidden in foam and get them into a slot. The person with the most money at the end wins.

Up in the HOH Britney, Janelle, Shane, Willie, Joe and JoJo are thrilled with how the POV went and even more thrilled at how mad Boogie was that Frank lost. Britney tells Shane, "You can't use the POV!" Shane is fine with that and I think Willie is too. One thing bothering them is how Danielle played the game. Apparently, she was hiding all of the big denomination coins in the foam rather than playing the game herself. Britney thinks Dan must have told her to do that because why else would she jeopardize her own game? She's convinced that Dan is playing sneaky. It sounds like Frank had an incredibly difficult time getting coins into the slots yet Shane won with small denominations.

Down in the Foot Room (that's what I'm naming the room with the shoes), Dan is annoyed that Janelle and Britney share a bed. He tells Kara that that was his first clue that the two girls were working together. Joe then enters suddenly, sits down on the bed, and talks to Kara. He says he just heard that Kara thinks he is after her. He's not! Joe is tight with Wil because they're both from Kentucky, but he's not coming after Kara at all. He's hardly talked to her (Dan's fault!) and has nothing against her at all. If Joe is angry with anyone, it's Boogie. Apparently Boogie waltzed into the HOH and demanded that Joe go on the block in Frank's place.

Joe tells Dan and Kara that he doesn't want Frank in this game anymore. Boogie pissed off Joe so anything to cripple Boogie sounds good to him. Joe then leans in a little bit and does what Dan should have done back on Day One. He tells Kara she needs to be more social. She needs to start talking to people and making friends. If people don't know who she is or think she's flippant about them, then people won't want to keep her around. And just like that, in a matter of 30 seconds, Joe has coached Kara more successfully than Dan ever has. Just look at that picture above - Dan is doing what Dan does best (imitate a mattress) and Joe is taking a vested interest in Kara's well being. Unbelievable.

So while Joe is downstairs concerned with Kara's nomination, Britney, Janelle and Wil are upstairs talking about more pressing matters - what to name their alliance. Britney and Janelle think Chill Town was such a dumb ass name back in the day yet Boogie still thinks it's so cool. Willie has already named this new alliance The Untouchables, but no one is really crazy about that one. Wil, on the other hand, suggests "The Box Of Wine Debutantes and the Keg Stand Bourgeoisie." As delicious as the juxtaposition of debs and box wine is, Britney and Janelle think it's way too long. Plus, Britney thinks that "box wine" makes them sound cheap. Wil insists that some of the finer wine companies are now using boxes because it keeps the wine fresh longer. He's right, but I'm not sure you can get a bottle of Chateau Lafite with a handle and a spout.

Meanwhile, Frank is bummed by how shitty he did in the POV competition. He had a lot of coins, but the slots he was aiming for were more difficult to reach and he just couldn't do it. Boogie, sitting next to Frank, says that Danielle was acting especially sneaky during the competition. He, too, thinks she was hiding and stacking the one dollar coins in the foam. Maybe Dan did advise her to sabotage the others???

Now, we know that Britney and Janelle are tight and we know that Danielle and Kara are tight, but did you know that there is another fabulous twosome to discuss? Meet Wil and Joe! Polar opposites yet two peas in a pod. Kentucky brought 'em together and pure bitchiness keeps them strong. I love these guys! Better yet, their goals in the game are strikingly similar. Neither care for JoJo (who has turned out to be a bit of a disappointment) and both think she is incredibly self-centered. Joe asks, "How much can one person talk about themselves?" Ian is another one on this quirky duos list. He's creepy, sneaky, socially awkward and carries a teddy bear stuffed with his own boogers. If Wil wins HOH next week, he's not going to do what his Coach tells him *whispers "Revolution."*, he's going after JoJo and Ian. Joe nods in agreement and tells Wil that he hopes they're in the final two together. Awww. Precious.

Speaking of Ian, Boogie is realizing that he needs to get this kid back on track pronto. He's been hearing some rumblings about the house and worries that Ian is a shoe-in to get nominated next week. While sitting in the Lounge, he advises Ian to step up his social game and start taking an interest in the other players. Start asking them about their families and social lives. Start caring about them so that they care about you. Ian fidgets awkwardly and mumbles something about not wanting to be fake. Boogie again tries to tell Ian what a big target he's become. Had Boogie not kept him safe this week as a result of the Coach's challenge (a challenge amongst Coach's where they can keep one player of their team safe), he would have definitely been on the block. Ian looks down at the ground and insists that he's trying.

Boogie is clearly not getting through to him by telling him he's a target so he switches up tactics. This time he tells Ian that Big Brother is a marathon, not a sprint, and there are $500,000 waiting for him if he pulls it off. Ian replies that he doesn't care about the money at all. All he wants is to see his name listed on Wikipedia as the winner of BB14. *looks around the room* Is this kid for real? He wants to be on Wikipedia? Boogie insists that he's just trying to help Ian reach whatever goals he has - no matter how asinine they are. The problem is that Ian is way too defensive.

Upstairs in the HOH, Janelle and Britney are discussing how awesome it is that Shane won the POV and how mad Boogie was that Frank lost. Janelle tells Willie that in the real world Boogie is a multimillionaire. Willie tells her that he already knows how to cripple Boogie. Next week he'll get rid of Ian and then he'll get rid of Jenn. Weird. Didn't he tell Britney earlier that he wanted Wil to go next week? No matter! Willie can't even be HOH next week. His highfalutin crazy talk is going to be his downfall, I'm telling you. He's playing way too hard and letting his arrogance get in the way of common sense. He needs to reel it in quickly. The more names he drops as targets, the more he risks those people finding out. I don't know if he is just telling Janelle what she wants to hear because she wants Boogie out of the game like yesterday, but I see big trouble for Willie down the road.

After dinner and into the night, the Houseguests are finally able to head outside and chill out. We discover that if you cheat on Willie, he'll brake your new boyfriend's face and go to jail for it. Stalker! I'm just going to say it right now - one day there will be a 48 Hours Mystery on how Willie murdered a girlfriend's coworker because he thought they were having an affair. I'm thinking he'll use a dog leash and maybe pliers. It'll be the dog leash that gives him away. The mark on the victim's neck will match the pattern in the dog leash and then there'll be a manhunt and Russell will hide him in the basement of one of his renovated houses. After a couple of weeks, they'll find Willie and he'll do 37 years. Russell will get a  nickel (That's prison talk for 5 years. I watch a lot of Lock
Up), but it'll be extended to 25 for beating up his cellmate who was a Boston Rob fan. Would that be an awesome 48 Hours Mystery or what?!

So while Willie is busy incriminating himself in more unsolved crimes, Frank and Kara are talking quietly on the hammock about being nominated. Frank tells her that he hope Shane will use the POV on him. Kara doesn't think Shane will end up using it. She's bothered by how other people in the house are moping when they're not even nominated. Frank, on the other hand, thinks everyone is giving each other "looks" behind his back. He's picking up a very strange vibe around the house and very few people want to be around him. Kara suddenly says she has to pee and heads inside.

Once inside, Kara runs to Danielle and explains how she had to escape from Frank. She doesn't want people seeing them together and thinking they're scheming. Danielle nods and says that Willie and Shane got mad at her earlier for talking to Frank. Kara is worried that Frank has already made a deal with someone. Danielle replies, "If only he'd wear some deodorant. He has the worst B.O. I've ever smelled." Umm eww. I was fine earlier with Frank staying, but... gross! There is no way I could live in a house with someone who stunk. Now his sheets will starts stinking and the couches he sits on will start stinking. Blech. This might be the first summer someone actually gets evicted because of smell.

So, I'm going to end this here because this weekend is a little crazy for me. There will NOT be a blog tomorrow, but I will be on the Big Brother Gossip Show tonight talking about the first week in the house. Keep an eye out on my Twitter and Facebook for links and whatnot. The blog will return on Monday.

I'm anticipating that Shane will not use the POV, but that the back and forth about Kara and Frank will flip flop several times before we get to Eviction Night. A lot can happen in 5 days. Is it more important to evict a competitor or cripple Dan? Is Willie playing too hard too fast? Do you smell a revolution coming or is it that just Frank? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Way Back In The Olden Timey Days...

(Britney grabbing the game by the balls)

Way back in the olden timey days before the motorcar, before the internet, before shoes, Houseguests had to walk 18 miles barefoot to the Big Brother house everyday. And they didn't have keys back then. They had giant slabs of limestone shaped like keys! Pandora, the real Pandora, would visit with her little wooden box, but that bitch would unleash "gifts" like pestilence and famine not chinny chin chin muscleheads! It was a different world back then, a crueler world, an unforgiving world. Who better to bring back to school the young wide-eyed neophytes than craggly old hardened veterans? Let's recap, shall we?

We've got a ton of catching up to do and a lot of pieces of the puzzle to put into place so let's get the easy stuff out of the way:

Boogie's team is: Frank, Ian and Jenn.
Britney's team is: Shane, Willie and JoJo.
Dan's team is: Kara, Danielle, and Jodi.
Janelle's team is: Wil, Joe, and Ashley.

Willie is HOH.

Frank and Kara have been nominated for eviction.

Ian, Ashley and Danielle are Have Nots.

The wild haired Sausage Fingers grunted to herself and then lazily leaned over to flip the switch. We are live Bitches! Big Brother 14 has officially started and already, in one night, it is infinitely more entertaining than BB13 ever was. Thank god! Right off the bat we notice a strange divide that I'm not sure we've ever seen before: men v. women. The women are getting along famously giggling, whispering, gossiping, and playing games. While the men are, for the most part, quiet and subdued. Britney and Janelle are clearly working together while Boogie is half assedly trying to keep his team safe. And I'm not entirely sure what the hell Dan is doing. He likes to lay around a lot, eyes darting here and there, while propping himself up by his elbows. Ugh. I can't stand him. As far as I'm concerned, he's enemy #1. The sooner he's out of the house, the happier I'll be.

OK so Frank is up for eviction and this is very inconvenient for Boogie. He needs to do everything in his power to make sure Frank either comes off the block or is safe when it comes time to vote. Boogie heads on up to HOH for a little chitchat with Willie to discuss the POV. To hear Willie tell it, he seems to like Frank and wouldn't mind keeping him around. Frank is a physical threat so as long as he is in the house, all eyes will not be on Willie. If Willie were to win POV, his plans are to keep the nominations the same. Here is where it gets a little confusing, Boogie agrees with Willie that Frank is a threat and compares to him to Janelle way back in yesteryear. She was also a threat so they kept her around to deflect the attention away from themselves - only, she almost won... TWICE! I'm not sure what point it is that Boogie is trying to make. If he's trying to keep Frank safe, he's not making a convincing argument by comparing him to Janelle.

One thing everyone in the house can agree on is Joe. Apparently he was very angry that his key was picked last during the nomination ceremony and even woke Boogie up in the middle of the night to complain about it. He has already cried over something or other and Britney is unimpressed by his cooking combinations: pasta with a side of macaroni cooked on a skillet. I wonder what's for dinner tomorrow night - a baked potato with a side of french fries? Boogie vows to Willie that Joe will be his main target next week if his team wins HOH. That way he gets rid of one of Janelle's mentees and cuts loose the overly sensitive weirdo chef.

Willie wonders aloud if perhaps he should throw the POV *smacks self in head* and let Frank win. Boogie replies by regaling Willie with more stories from his past. Did you know he's known as the most conniving player to play the game? Me neither. I had no idea. And did you also know that his reputation precedes him? *blinks and stares blankly* Uh ok. Eventually, Boogie nixes Willie's idea to throw the POV and advises him to try to win so he can keep the nominations the same. You'd think with Frank on the block Boogie would want to get him off the block. I can't exactly figure out the game Boogie is playing especially when, later in the Storage Room, he tells Frank to try to win POV so they can get Danielle on the block. Is Boogie smart enough to be setting up Willie to fail this early in the game? I'm not sure. Boogie appears to be a bit of an outcast with Britney and Janelle off being besties and Dan laying around staring at stuff. Without a confidant, it's hard to get a read on where his head is at.

Frank, from what I can tell, seems shattered and depressed by his nomination. It's clear he's not thrilled about the Coach twist and is even less thrilled by having half assed Boogie trying to give him advice. If anyone were to ditch their Coach and go into the game alone, it would probably be Frank. Over the course of the night both Janelle and Frank could be heard voicing how Boogie didn't seem to care about the game until the feeds turned on. Still, that doesn't stop Frank from sharing with Boogie how Shane came to him wanting an alliance. Frank is suspect wondering whether or not Shane is being genuine. It quickly becomes clear that there are two distinct games going on in the house: one between the newbies and one between the coaches. And you know what? The one between the Coaches is more prevalent.  Having to worry about where the Coaches are at mentally and who they're aligned with bothers Frank and it's evident all over his face. Always worrying about which Coach will target another Coach sucks for the newbies because then the game isn't even about them anymore. It's about Coaches settling old scores and sticking with their friends.

Meanwhile the girls are gabbing and talking about those evil boys. Janelle is clearly the ringleader with Britney as her trusted sidekick. And let me tell you, there is NO love lost between Janelle and Boogie. She very plainly announces to all of the girls how Boogie had not only had a nasty case of genital warts that he had removed by Dr. Will, but a scathing attack of the crabs... twice! *bites fist* Britney nods and comments, "Stay away from his crotch. Seriously, keep your head away from his crotch." Like, bumping skulls into crotches is a normal everyday thing. Ooops! Did I bump into your penis with my nose again? That's always happening!... Oh my god I can't believe I rammed my ear into your vagina again. That makes twice today!

Over in the Have Not room we have a very sad clown. Ashley doesn't feel pretty. She threw out her back, got her period, put on some sweatpants, and now she doesn't feel pretty. However! However, the Diary Room gave her muscle relaxants and quite possibly pain killers as well. I don't know about you, but give me a Soma Smoothie with a Vicodin chaser and I'm the prettiest girl in the world. I'll be so goddamn pretty I'll twirl in a field surrounded by butterflies with my hair cascading down my back feeling nothing but pretty. Pretty would be oozing out of my pores. Feeling not pretty makes Ashley whine a lot which is very hard to listen to, but everyone seems to forgive her for it and feel sympathetic rather than annoyed.

On the other hand, someone the house isn't forgiving of is Danielle. Horrible twangy Danielle. I didn't like her from the get go and I like her less today. Danielle is a freak. She's overly sensitive and plays weird "my childhood was worse than yours" games. Apparently, her father beat her when she was young because he was possessed by the devil. As completely awesome as that is, why would you say that in the Big Brother house?! From the very little I saw of Danielle (she kept hanging out with Dan and they'd just sit, mumble, and be really boring), she's not meshing with the other girls, she annoys everyone with her woe is me crap, she needs to constantly be talked off of the ledge, and her shelf life in this game is going to be very short. Hooray! Hey, I'd be thrilled if she went up this week and got sent home. Better yet, get rid of Kara next week and we'll be done with Dan. Sounds like a plan!

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Alcohol."
"Did someone say alcohol?!?" cries Janelle as she runs over everyone and flies into the Storage Room.

What happens next is very strange. The girls claim the alcohol for themselves and then scurry up to the HOH to play drinking games. Don't get me wrong, that's exactly what I'd do, but how did they manage to pull it off? How did the boys just shrug their shoulders and let them get away with it? There was some talk about the boys drinking the night before, but still... who lets someone else claim the alcohol and run off with it? Not me! That's for sure.

While Janelle proceeded to stuff the beers and wine up her shirt, Wil sneaks up to the HOH with a cup of coffee for some alone time. As Wil is everything delicious in the world, the gaggle of girls follow him up the stairs and shriek, "Wil! Where are you?!" Wil takes one look at the estrogen army and flies back out of that HOH. Something is amiss. Wil's glitter has a dull sheen and both the girls and myself are confused.

Later, we come to find out that the night before JoJo stole one of the Wil's beers, chugged it, and then giggled about it later to Shane. Oh hell no. Oh. Hell. No. You don't steal a girl's, I mean man's, beer! As a woman myself, there are a few rules I live by: Never leave the house without a pedicure, chill your glitter before dunking your breasts into it, and never, and I mean never, steal another bitch's alcohol - unless of course she's a dumb ass and she's not looking. If she's a dumb ass, steal away!

Like anyone bathed in glitter and key lights, Wil takes his alcohol very very seriously. So seriously that he wants that bitch JoJo gone as soon as possible. So while Wil is downstairs giving some serious face and captivating the boys with his charm and wit, upstairs it's a hoedown. Or a hodown. Either way, it's a lot of hos getting down. Dance Party USA! It's almost disturbing how well these ladies are getting along. They're forgiving and embracing of Ashley in her time of need, they applaud Jenn for being a gold star lesbian (she's never slept with a man), and they genuinely seem to enjoy each others' company. It's truly bizarre - especially in the Big Brother house. I'm thinking since Boogie is so creepy and Dan is about as exciting as a kitchen sink, the ladies have no choice but to come together and bond. The only girl not part of the group is squishy faced Danielle who was downstairs talking about exorcisms and whatnot. Seriously.

After a spirited game of I Never, the ladies disperse and we find Britney and Willie talking about this week's eviction. Willie tells Britney how he's leaning towards keeping Frank to which Britney is horrified. She accuses Willie of letting Boogie get to him and confides in him that she doesn't really care about Shane and JoJo. She's pulling for Willie to win the whole thing. Here's the thing about Britney, she is a phenomenal liar. Phenomenal. It's scary how naturally it comes to her. In all honesty, I wasn't thrilled by her return to the game, but she's playing that whole damn house telling everyone exactly what they want to hear. Better yet, her charm reels them all in and they believe it! If you'll remember, Willie didn't care for Britney at all before entering the game. To look at him now, you'd never know that. When he's around Britney he lights up, giggles like a schoolgirl, and randomly calls her pretty in the middle of a conversation.

By this point in time, Janelle is sloshed. Seriously, shlee's shlurring her words more than I do when taste testing a fresh batch of bathtub gin. It almost makes her likable. Like Britney, Janelle isn't someone I've ever really cared about, but I'm finding the Boogie trash talk and the early control of the newbies endearing and impressive.

Another person I was never too gaga over is Ian. And this morning, I'm still unimpressed. I know everyone wants to gobble him up over his nerdy underdog-ness, but not me. The girls in the house think Ian changed into a completely different person the second the feeds went live and even though I wasn't there, I'm going to go ahead and agree with them. Ian likes to talk to us via the cameras... a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. I hate that! I want to be a voyeur not watch the Ian Show. Happily, Wil agrees with me. "I want that motherfucker out!" he said to Britney and Janelle. *giggles* Awesome.

What is interesting is the flirtation between Ian and Ashley. She seems to be instigating it while Ian happily obliges. And even though we're all sick to death of BB romances, there could be some opportunity for multiple hook-ups this season. Ian and Ashley, JoJo and Jenn (JoJo very loudly declared that she makes out with girls for fun.), JoJo and Willie (JoJo doesn't want a romance with Willie. She just wants to make out with him.), Shane and Danielle, Frank and Danielle, etc. While some of the men might be attracted to Kara, she's way too uptight to hook up on camera. Plus, she's also painfully aware of her parents watching which makes her just as boring as her interviews. It's that voice. That unenthusiastic monotone voice! Something about it makes me spit nails. Rusty nails.

The night comes to a close with Britney, Janelle and Willie debating over whether or not to get rid of Kara or Frank. The girls are leaning towards Frank because she is just a boring model chick who poses no threat whereas Frank has giant thighs. Giant thighs = good competitor. The girls try to convince Willie that keeping Kara around will benefit them all in the long run. Meanwhile, back in the bedroom, Frank continues to be angry about the Coach twist. He's annoyed at how prominently they're featured in the game when really, they're just supposed to be there as advisers. Hey, I get it Frank. No offense to you newbies, but Janelle and Britney ruled those feeds last night. All of the Coaches (except Dan the Dud) have monopolized the game thus far. It's not newbies getting rid of newbies, it's Coaches outlasting other Coaches.

So, what did you guys think of our first glimpse into the house? Personally, I thought it was spectacular. There was SO much going on that my head was spinning. I often found myself debating which camera to focus on because there just wasn't a dull moment! While I'm encouraged by this, I'm also a little annoyed that the Coaches are monopolizing the game. Will Frank's aversion to the twist become contagious? He's already tried to convince JoJo that it's the Coaches that need the newbies not the other way around. Do we have a mutiny in our future? Who are your early favorites? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Early Bird Special Ends TODAY

This is it, bitches. The last day to get your Live Feeds before the Early Bird Special ends!

Leaks last night confirmed that our Big Brother 14 mentors are *drumroll* Not Rachel, Not Rachel, Not Rachel and Not Rachel. *glitter falls from the sky* OMG That's amazing! How excited are we?!? While their legal names are Not Rachel, Not Rachel, Not Rachel and Not Rachel, their street names are Boogie, Britney, Dan and Janelle.

Is that Janelle being a sad clown in the Have-Not Room? Does Willie look awfully cozy on the HOH bed or what?

Could Ian's teddy bear be filled with toe nails and dead skin?

And is that Jenn in Willie's bed? Como what?!?

Find out all of the answers on the Live Feeds and in this here little blog throughout the season. I've officially got the fever now, do you? NOT RACHEL, people, NOT. RACHEL.


(thanks to BigBrotherBuddy.com for catching those leaks!)

Big Brother Gossip Show!

Hey Bitches!

In case you missed it, I was on the Big Brother Gossip Show last night! We discussed all of the BB14 rumors including the twist, the new cast, thievery, cat ladies, social policy, that pesky war over in Afghanistan, the best way to make a fluffy souffle, and what to do if your lover makes noises like a donkey in bed. It's a very thorough show.

Anyhow, be sure to check it out and let me know what you think.

Big thanks to Scott, Mike, Ash and Karen for popping my cherry every so gently. I'm only a little bit sore today and the bruising is minimal.

You can find links to listen to the show HERE.