Friday, September 10, 2010

Coming To A Piggly Wiggly Near YOU

Big budget movies, reality shows, The Amazing Race, bar tours, concert gigs, commercials, websites, interviews, magazines, grocery store openings, time travel... the sky's the limit for the chuckleheads left in the house. Just ask them. According to Lane, there's a multi-million dollar 200 city/42 country bar tour awaiting him and Hayden when they leave the house. You think Bon Jovi or the Rolling Stones are the only people who can conquer Rio and Tokyo? Wrong! The Brigade is gonna tear this world up! Seriously, you guys, buy your tickets NOW before they sell out.

Now, I'm not exactly sure what Hayden and Lane will actually do on these tour dates, but it's bound to be fascinating, right? I mean, maybe they'll get on stage and work out or play pool. Fingers crossed I can see Hayden brush his bangs to and fro. Is Tiger Beat still around? Get Lane's mug on the cover of that bad boy because I so want to decorate my locker with it. And, if someone can finagle some sort of Burger King Hayden & Lane action figures or fountain cups, I'd be eternally grateful.

I'm sitting here watching last night's BBAD and wondering to myself what hallucinogenics Big Brother has been slipping into the water. I'm thinking it's potent, CIA created, and probably only legal in Amsterdam. An underground laboratory at Langley was definitely involved and perhaps input from the CDC as well. If whatever Lane and Hayden are ingesting gets out to the viewing public, that show The Colony won't simply be speculation anymore. It'll be fact. Anarchy will break out, I'll be forced to make a windmill out of shutters, and I may or may not have to create gasoline out of pig parts. Advanced delusion, like I'm witnessing right now in the BB house, is what killed the dinosaurs I think.

So, Lane has won Part 2 of the HOH and Enzo is pretty much done. Hooray! Hayden and Lane have vowed to take one another to the Final 2 as neither think they can beat Enzo in the end. Enzo knows what the dilly-o is so he's decided to sit in a corner by himself and pout all night long. He doesn't even want "Wifey" and the baby to come to the finale anymore. He prefers to sit in solitude with his thoughts and bitch and moan about how he fucked up his "golden opportunity" to win half a million dollars. He blew his one and only chance for his family to have a better life and the future is looking remarkably bleak right about now. His wife will have to continue to work in a sweltering factory where bathroom breaks are forbidden, Baby Gia will be forced to carry a kerchief on the end of a long stick and steal canned foods from passing trains, and Enzo will have to work 19 minimum wage jobs flipping burgers. It's all very very sad. Apparently losing Big Brother is the end of the road for Enzo. I have no idea how he managed to exist and survive before BB12 came along, but whatever worked for him before won't work anymore and now his life is over. *tear* Gia will probably end up addicted to the heroin and turning tricks in the back of blacked out vans - all because her daddy lost Big Brother.

While Enzo spent his evening with his head in the oven, Lane & Hayden sat outside in their misspelled Brigade t-shirts planning their futures. Exciting stuff, let me tell ya. Why anyone anywhere would pay anything to see these two idiots is beyond me. Do yourselves a favor and save your money. Take the money you'd spend on a Brigade t-shirt and get yourself a few months of NetFlix. Invest the money you'd spend on gas driving to Steamboat and treat yourself to a Blu-Ray DVD player. Hell, go ahead and buy an 8 track or some VHS tapes. Anything would be wiser than giving these two yahoos your cash.

Aaaaand, that's pretty much all I got for today. Nothing happened and nothing will happen from here on out. My weekend is jam packed (thank god!) so there won't be any blogs until at least Monday. So, what did you guys think of Part 2 last night? Did it shock you Enzo only stayed on that swing for 25 minutes in Part 1? Out of all the people in BB12, who do you think has the best chance of getting on The Amazing Race? How long do you suppose Rachel spends rehearsing one-liners? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!


  1. Countdown for Survivor begins in four...three...two...
    Who am I kidding? Countdown began weeks ago!

  2. You know, I wish I was as confident as you that Enzo STILL has no chance of winning, but I'm just not. The last competition is always those random-ass questions for the jury that really takes very little perception, skill or memory, so Lane has a very good chance of a fluke HOH win. I think someone could actually be trying to throw that competition and still end up winning it! So if Lane wins it, there's no way he's dumb enough to take Hayden, and when he takes Enzo... well who knows.

  3. Mzz Coco I don't think its too much for me to ask you to publish a magazine and send me 1 each week. Mmm mm.. nope in fact I think its time. I would pay my yearly subscription fees on time and you would rake in the $.
    I imagined Gia and Enzo as if they were Popeye and his baby. It was perfect.
    More please.. xoxo me

  4. I can't believe you actually watched BBAD. After the first 7 minutes of the cameras focusing on the purple and teal pumpkinnny decorations they focused on the flamingos. I guess the producers of after dark knew that this was more entertaining than listening to the guys talking in the Taj because they didn't get their mikes activated for a full minute after they cut to them. Absolute drivel. Miss Colette you are amazing. I still love your comment yesterday about Lane is somewhere in the house "breathing".

    You're just silly!

  5. Are you dissing Rachel again? Jeesh. You are as bad as RAGAN? Is he your cousin? Why didn't you write anything bitchy about Britney and the cry-a-thon she had after the revelation of the Brigade? Sometimes, I think you play favorites. I am a die hard Britney hate fan, so I kinda derived some joy out of her crying...but I didn't kinda feel bad too. I wish you were more equal opportunity with your bitchy comments. I am utterly disgusted that Britney is the front runner for winning America's favorite. If people heard the venomous things she'd say about people on feeds, I'm sure America would reconsider that vote. The world isn't fair sometimes :(

  6. Uh Vic, I'm not sure if you're familiar with my work, but I'm pretty sure "Playing Favorites" is my middle name.

  7. "While Enzo spent his evening with his head in the oven,..."
    That line made me lol for real. I immediately pictured him on the floor with his head in the oven. Good times....anyway..

    I must correct you on something, Enzo only stayed on the swing for 19 mins and some seconds, not 25. He dont need to be given any more credit that he dont deserve. I swear if he'd have lasted much longer Id have had to gouge my eardrums so I didnt have to listen him run his mouth any longer. He has become like nails on a chalkboard to me.

    The only reason Id go see any of them is to act all excited and say "Where's Britney!?" Then when they say she's not there, look disappointed, say "well that sucks", and walk out.

    And I dont know how long Rachel spends practicing her one liners, but she should extend it because once again, she got owned by Ragan IMO.

  8. I'm sick of people bitching because Brit is "venomous." They ALL talk smack about each other. One, it's human nature and two, they have nothing else to do. That is kind of the point. When your favorite talks smack about people, you rationalize that it is "deserved" or "provoked." But when one of the ones who didn't make your personal cut says or does something, they are the devil. Brit is just better at talking smack because she is creative, smart and funny. I love her BECAUSE of her awesome, smack-talking abilities. It doesn't make her a bad person or evil.

  9. If either of the remaining HG's pick Bozo to take to the final vote, they will probably lose.

    As for the BB12, you couldn't pay me enough to be anywhere near these losers, and any thought of purchasing the feeds in the future is gone, too. This season has been awful, why would I pay for feeds that are constantly turned off? if I want to watch bubbles, the nearest aquarium will do just fine.

    As for favorite HG, as long as Enzo and Ratress don't win it and then I'll be happy.

    The good news is Survivor starts next week.

  10. pleeeeeeease no BB12 contestants on TAR! TAR's casts overall are getting progressively worse from season to season, no need to make it even worse than it is!!!

  11. Well, thank goodness TAR is already cast so we won't be subjected to them. The only BB12 cast member I would be fine with seeing on there is Brit... at least she is funny. Too bad they aren't spending more time on Jury House antics; that would be more interesting.

    I'm definitely voting for Brit (actually I have MANY times already). I think it will be great when a non-brigade member wins and enzo is like "Yo... no way!" It was almost tempting to vote for Brendon to screw with all of them thinking they are soooo Awesome and Amazing!

    I've been thinking about this (no wonder I have headaches)... the Brigade concept WAS a good idea. Secret alliance with sub alliances... my problem is the people actually IN the Brigade sucked ass. AND on top of that, ruined the strategy for better players (like me next year... LOL). What do you think of an alliance name of Knocker Squad?

    The only one worth seeing on tour is Brit! I'm with Lori on "The only reason Id go see any of them is to act all excited and say "Where's Britney!?" Then when they say she's not there, look disappointed, say "well that sucks", and walk out."

    What a waste for my first year of getting live feeds! Thankfully Survivor, TAR and Dexter is coming VERY soon. Thanks again for sticking this horrible season out! Who knew that BB12 would be worse than BB11?

  12. Well Vic, your attitude just sealed my vote my America's Favorite. It'll be the most entertaining thing to happen this season watching the Brit haters' heads explode on Twitter. =]

  13. Vic, what would be the point of having a blog about BB if you didn't play favorites? That'd be one boring as blog. Just sayin'. Oh and Ragan rocks.

    CL, Rachel and Brendon will be on TAR. You know they will. And they're way smarter than J-squared so they may actually last all the way through the race. So prepare your ears for "Heh-heh-heh-heh!!" and "Nobody comes between me and my man!!" and thinly veiled, grammatically incorrect, homophobic slurs. It'll suck. But it will still be more interesting than BB is right now.

  14. Regan was great last night on BB in the Jury House. He's really the only one who knows how to stand up to Rachel and not get rattled. He was being kind but honest and she just blew up. LOL. She is the worst.

  15. Alli - Brendon and Vegas Red on TAR? I have my doubts they're talking to each other right now, much less after September 15. I know I'm not the only one who noticed that Brendon didn't defend Vegas during the jury house smackdown, or rush right out to console the Love of His Summer when she dramatically stalked out. I think he may be wising up. He may even realize that she cost him a half mil.

  16. they should just show the jury house from here on out. it would be much more entertaining. as much as i hate racheal, at least its entertaining. team brit and her venomous tounge!!! cant wait for survivor though...... Love You LaLa

  17. enzo's daughter getting the penguin doll was adorable. i like his family. how awful for them to have to witness the dreadful act of enzo feeding himself every day for the rest of their lives. oh horrible! most horrible!

  18. enzos head in the oven...totally cracked me up...and i too have been voting for britney...i really hope when they announce fan fav that skippy, the camera guy, has a split screen close up of rachel and enzo who both think they have fan fav in the bag...they both have taken delusional to a new level....their faces will be better than april's when keesha won...that was priceless (even if i didnt want keesha to win)...also, did anyone else notice that brendon just looked broken .... i think he is planning an escape route...
    again, as always...thanks for the great time, miss lala...u're the bestest!!!!!

  19. Alli, Rachel and Brendon are smarter than Jeff and Jordan? Did you read Rachel's HOH blog?? Did you watch Brendon on the live feeds? Rachel would embarass our country around the world. Can you imagine her ranting, crying, and screaming "Me Me Me Me" throughout the trip? Brendon "Mr. Faux-Know-It-All" would be telling the locals how they should be living, running the businesses, and doing xyz better. It would be good drama but it certainly would be squirm-worthy.

  20. Brit is the only one I can see on TAR, but have
    fantasized about a show with Real Housewives
    Kelly and Danielle, and Rachel..."Crazytown".
    Hope someone updates us on most
    curious about his future. The look on his face
    during the jury house convo with Rach and Ragan
    was priceless. And, yo poor is what it
    is. Merci Ms Lala. ;)

  21. I think Brenchel will totally fake it for a chance to be on tv again. I'm not saying they'll last - but even if they break up they'll still be on TAR. They put broken up couples on there all the time.

    And I know folks love Jeff and Jordan, but let's get real these two ain't the brightest bulbs in the pack. And Brendon's a tool, yes. But he's smarter than J&J by far. I agree Red's HOH blog shows she has no command of the English language, but still I have to say - smarter than J&J. But then again, it's not that high a bar really. *Runs to go hide from the wrath of J&J fans*

  22. I agree with anonymous that Brendum looked "Broken" why? he has spent the last 2 weeks in the JH with his ND inside big red, I think he has figured out what a colossal piss hole of a mistake he has made by deciding to deposit his man-seed in the chasm of redness, and therefore ruin his entire BB game. Every night after getting frisky with his hosehound, I bet he clearasils his sack - how else will he stop the transfer of zits.
    Although a complete tool, he would have made a very tough competitor without big red, oh well you stuck it in and now its stuck on you. Later....

  23. 9/10, 11:28 P.M. Now comes Lane, using the word fag..t several times. How many times will we find HGs that have nasty mouths and trash gays with that word?
    Strange, that it was Enzo that scolded Lane for using that word. Enzo stated he was taught not to use that wrd., or the 'N' wrd. Admirable, except for having no prob over-using the 'c' wrd for Brit. And having a potty mouth on a regular basis. Pot calling the kettle...

  24. LA-LA! You don't have to turn on that feed light.
    This season's over, you don't have to blog this garbage on your site.
    LA-LA! You don't have to post a blog tonight.
    Sell your blogs for money, you know I'd PayPal but money's tight.
    LA-LA! You don't have to turn on that feed light.
    LA-LA! You don't have to turn on that feed light.

    (In lieu of cash i'll just write you songs. I'm a broke musician, but i do appreciate you. You know i do.)

  25. CheapRobot, scrumptious song! Please write another.

    Oh and CheapRobot, if your male and single, have you thought about a reality career for yourself? It's a popular venue for aspiring actors, musicians, and for women, pharma sales reps!

  26. Has anyone commented as yet on Lane's revileing us w/stories of a "game" he plays w/women he plans on having his way with & how he lets his buddies know in advance so they can all gather in the rm. as Lane holds down the naked girl for 8 seconds after having sex. Thus the guys get to look at her from behind, and she has no say in this, nor does she know who is oogling her naked body. Feedsters are enraged by this sexual bullying, holding someone against their will.