Saturday, July 14, 2012

Vive La France!

Revolution. A forcible overthrow of a government or social order for a new system. A mob of angry Parisians did it on this very day back in 1789. Waving baguettes angrily over their heads, the French stormed the Bastille, a symbol of French authority, and began a revolution. Before it was a mob though, it was probably one man and a whisper. Over some smokes and a cafe au lait there was one tiny whisper. One simple utterance where one guy in a beret said to another guy in a beret, "Marcel, I dew nott lek zose pee-pell een zat Bastille." Marcel replied, "Oui, zey are bastards!" And that was that. They told some friends and those friends told some friends and then those friends told even more friends. It was very much like that shampoo commercial from the 80's - "And so on, and so on." Could the same thing happen in the Big Brother 14 house? "Danielle, I dew nott lek zose Coaches een zees game." "Oui Frank, zey are bastards!" Vive la revolution! Let's recap, shall we?

After a fitful night's sleep Houseguests begin their day early and with a bang. Britney immediately heads into the HOH to make sure that Willie is on the same page she is. With the POV hours away, she needs to make sure that Willie doesn't do something crazy to eff up their plans of total house domination. Britney wants to err on the side of the caution. She wants to wait and see who wins the POV and then proceed from there. Willie, however, already has the entire game mapped out in his head. First, he'll win POV. Then, he'll get Kara out. Next week he'll win HOH again, get rid of another person, win HOH again, get rid of another person and so on, and so on. Britney sighs and looks down into her coffee cup, "You know you can't compete every week, right? You never know how the others will vote." Willie replies, "But I can read people. I know what they're thinking." Britney inhales deeply and tries to explain to Willie how the game of Big Brother works. Willie isn't having it though. He has looked into everyone's eyes, those tiny ocular crystal balls, and now he knows all of their plans.

Britney soon realizes that when talking to Willie she needs take it one step at a time. Baby steps as opposed to the big picture. She tells Willie that she doesn't think he has the votes to get rid of Kara. Willie tells her that he looked into Frank's eyes and knows he is genuine. He promised to take care of Willie next week so... that's that! One thing Frank isn't sure of though is Janelle. *bites fist* He doesn't like how she's always around and wonders if perhaps she's setting herself up to get ahead in this game. Of course she's setting herself up to get ahead in the game! Isn't everyone?

Willie then drops a bombshell. Next week, when Frank wins HOH like he planned, he wants to get rid of Wil. Come again? Wil?!? Wil, my fairy godmother? Wil, the paron saint of glitter? Oh hell no. Britney seems to be as stunned as I am and replies frantically, "Why Wil?!?" Willie's reasoning is that he wants to split up the other groups and keep Britney's team strong, but I'm not buying it. Not for one second. There's been a lot of speculation (by Britney specifically) that the Coaches will at some point be allowed to reenter the game and compete. If this happens, Willie needs to not only concentrate on keeping his team strong, but he also needs to focus on weakening the Coaches as well. With Britney and Janelle's giant alliance of 8 or so people, Willie will need to slowly start chipping away at their numbers. Plus, remember how Willie said he wanted to upset everyone in the house? Is this step one? Turning Britney and Janelle against one another?

Janelle enters the HOH and the talk turns to Dan and how screwed he'll be if Kara goes home this week. Hey, you know me, I love the sound of that. As a matter of fact, if I were in the house, I'd get rid of Kara this week and then next week I'd go after Danielle. Buh bye Dan! Let's just get rid of Dan altogether and make him a Big Brother laughingstock. All he does is walk around the house looking for different things to lay on anyways. He's a lackluster broom handle.

Speaking of Dan, he screwed up big time. Did you know that at the start of the game he advised Kara to lay low and not socialize with people? And, did you know that it's because Kara didn't socialize with anyone that she's on the block? Oh yeah, that Dan is a wizard. Sensing that Kara is in trouble (ya think?!), Dan finally advises her to talk to Willie and make a deal.

Immediately Kara pulls Willie into the Have Not room and offers to make a deal. If he can keep her in the game, she won't go after him next week. Willie nods and tells her to win the veto. "I'll fight with everything inside of me," she replies. Kara adds that if Frank stays in the game he'll probably go after Willie next. Willie leans in and whispers that he's willing to work with Kara in an alliance, but she has to keep it secret from Dan. He doesn't want her telling Dan anything about this conversation they're having.

Willie continues and tells Kara, "We don't have to play with the Coaches." *whispers "Revolution"* "This isn't their game. It's our game." Kara nods in agreement. However, Willie is concerned about the friends Kara has that he doesn't have (Danielle?). He'd like to work with Kara because no one in the house would expect it. Again, he tells her that she can't tell any of this to Dan. He advises that they meet once a day so he can find out where her head is at and find out what she's thinking. But no telling Dan! It's Dan's fault she's on the block in the first place so she'd be wise to steer clear of him from now on. Is Willie genuine or hanging Kara out to dry? I don't know!

After her conversation with Willie, Kara reports to Danielle that she doesn't think Willie trusts her. She told him she's not going after him. In fact, she'll put up Ian and Joe next week if she won HOH - no questions asked.

Meanwhile, Ashley's back is still all wiggedy whack from sleeping on a slab on concrete in the Have Not room so Big Brother has brought a medic over to take a look at her. Shane, too, isn't doing so well from the sleeping conditions. 

The house then turns into pre-POV jitters. Frank sits in the lounge stretching his monster ham thighs while Willie, jonesing for a smoke, nervously does laps in the kitchen area. After what seems like an eternity, the feeds finally go down and it's POV time.

*plays Jeopardy! theme song*

And, we're back! Shane has won the POV in what sounds like some sort of Cancun foam party with slot machines. From what I can gather, the Houseguests had to find various denomination coins hidden in foam and get them into a slot. The person with the most money at the end wins.

Up in the HOH Britney, Janelle, Shane, Willie, Joe and JoJo are thrilled with how the POV went and even more thrilled at how mad Boogie was that Frank lost. Britney tells Shane, "You can't use the POV!" Shane is fine with that and I think Willie is too. One thing bothering them is how Danielle played the game. Apparently, she was hiding all of the big denomination coins in the foam rather than playing the game herself. Britney thinks Dan must have told her to do that because why else would she jeopardize her own game? She's convinced that Dan is playing sneaky. It sounds like Frank had an incredibly difficult time getting coins into the slots yet Shane won with small denominations.

Down in the Foot Room (that's what I'm naming the room with the shoes), Dan is annoyed that Janelle and Britney share a bed. He tells Kara that that was his first clue that the two girls were working together. Joe then enters suddenly, sits down on the bed, and talks to Kara. He says he just heard that Kara thinks he is after her. He's not! Joe is tight with Wil because they're both from Kentucky, but he's not coming after Kara at all. He's hardly talked to her (Dan's fault!) and has nothing against her at all. If Joe is angry with anyone, it's Boogie. Apparently Boogie waltzed into the HOH and demanded that Joe go on the block in Frank's place.

Joe tells Dan and Kara that he doesn't want Frank in this game anymore. Boogie pissed off Joe so anything to cripple Boogie sounds good to him. Joe then leans in a little bit and does what Dan should have done back on Day One. He tells Kara she needs to be more social. She needs to start talking to people and making friends. If people don't know who she is or think she's flippant about them, then people won't want to keep her around. And just like that, in a matter of 30 seconds, Joe has coached Kara more successfully than Dan ever has. Just look at that picture above - Dan is doing what Dan does best (imitate a mattress) and Joe is taking a vested interest in Kara's well being. Unbelievable.

So while Joe is downstairs concerned with Kara's nomination, Britney, Janelle and Wil are upstairs talking about more pressing matters - what to name their alliance. Britney and Janelle think Chill Town was such a dumb ass name back in the day yet Boogie still thinks it's so cool. Willie has already named this new alliance The Untouchables, but no one is really crazy about that one. Wil, on the other hand, suggests "The Box Of Wine Debutantes and the Keg Stand Bourgeoisie." As delicious as the juxtaposition of debs and box wine is, Britney and Janelle think it's way too long. Plus, Britney thinks that "box wine" makes them sound cheap. Wil insists that some of the finer wine companies are now using boxes because it keeps the wine fresh longer. He's right, but I'm not sure you can get a bottle of Chateau Lafite with a handle and a spout.

Meanwhile, Frank is bummed by how shitty he did in the POV competition. He had a lot of coins, but the slots he was aiming for were more difficult to reach and he just couldn't do it. Boogie, sitting next to Frank, says that Danielle was acting especially sneaky during the competition. He, too, thinks she was hiding and stacking the one dollar coins in the foam. Maybe Dan did advise her to sabotage the others???

Now, we know that Britney and Janelle are tight and we know that Danielle and Kara are tight, but did you know that there is another fabulous twosome to discuss? Meet Wil and Joe! Polar opposites yet two peas in a pod. Kentucky brought 'em together and pure bitchiness keeps them strong. I love these guys! Better yet, their goals in the game are strikingly similar. Neither care for JoJo (who has turned out to be a bit of a disappointment) and both think she is incredibly self-centered. Joe asks, "How much can one person talk about themselves?" Ian is another one on this quirky duos list. He's creepy, sneaky, socially awkward and carries a teddy bear stuffed with his own boogers. If Wil wins HOH next week, he's not going to do what his Coach tells him *whispers "Revolution."*, he's going after JoJo and Ian. Joe nods in agreement and tells Wil that he hopes they're in the final two together. Awww. Precious.

Speaking of Ian, Boogie is realizing that he needs to get this kid back on track pronto. He's been hearing some rumblings about the house and worries that Ian is a shoe-in to get nominated next week. While sitting in the Lounge, he advises Ian to step up his social game and start taking an interest in the other players. Start asking them about their families and social lives. Start caring about them so that they care about you. Ian fidgets awkwardly and mumbles something about not wanting to be fake. Boogie again tries to tell Ian what a big target he's become. Had Boogie not kept him safe this week as a result of the Coach's challenge (a challenge amongst Coach's where they can keep one player of their team safe), he would have definitely been on the block. Ian looks down at the ground and insists that he's trying.

Boogie is clearly not getting through to him by telling him he's a target so he switches up tactics. This time he tells Ian that Big Brother is a marathon, not a sprint, and there are $500,000 waiting for him if he pulls it off. Ian replies that he doesn't care about the money at all. All he wants is to see his name listed on Wikipedia as the winner of BB14. *looks around the room* Is this kid for real? He wants to be on Wikipedia? Boogie insists that he's just trying to help Ian reach whatever goals he has - no matter how asinine they are. The problem is that Ian is way too defensive.

Upstairs in the HOH, Janelle and Britney are discussing how awesome it is that Shane won the POV and how mad Boogie was that Frank lost. Janelle tells Willie that in the real world Boogie is a multimillionaire. Willie tells her that he already knows how to cripple Boogie. Next week he'll get rid of Ian and then he'll get rid of Jenn. Weird. Didn't he tell Britney earlier that he wanted Wil to go next week? No matter! Willie can't even be HOH next week. His highfalutin crazy talk is going to be his downfall, I'm telling you. He's playing way too hard and letting his arrogance get in the way of common sense. He needs to reel it in quickly. The more names he drops as targets, the more he risks those people finding out. I don't know if he is just telling Janelle what she wants to hear because she wants Boogie out of the game like yesterday, but I see big trouble for Willie down the road.

After dinner and into the night, the Houseguests are finally able to head outside and chill out. We discover that if you cheat on Willie, he'll brake your new boyfriend's face and go to jail for it. Stalker! I'm just going to say it right now - one day there will be a 48 Hours Mystery on how Willie murdered a girlfriend's coworker because he thought they were having an affair. I'm thinking he'll use a dog leash and maybe pliers. It'll be the dog leash that gives him away. The mark on the victim's neck will match the pattern in the dog leash and then there'll be a manhunt and Russell will hide him in the basement of one of his renovated houses. After a couple of weeks, they'll find Willie and he'll do 37 years. Russell will get a  nickel (That's prison talk for 5 years. I watch a lot of Lock
Up), but it'll be extended to 25 for beating up his cellmate who was a Boston Rob fan. Would that be an awesome 48 Hours Mystery or what?!

So while Willie is busy incriminating himself in more unsolved crimes, Frank and Kara are talking quietly on the hammock about being nominated. Frank tells her that he hope Shane will use the POV on him. Kara doesn't think Shane will end up using it. She's bothered by how other people in the house are moping when they're not even nominated. Frank, on the other hand, thinks everyone is giving each other "looks" behind his back. He's picking up a very strange vibe around the house and very few people want to be around him. Kara suddenly says she has to pee and heads inside.

Once inside, Kara runs to Danielle and explains how she had to escape from Frank. She doesn't want people seeing them together and thinking they're scheming. Danielle nods and says that Willie and Shane got mad at her earlier for talking to Frank. Kara is worried that Frank has already made a deal with someone. Danielle replies, "If only he'd wear some deodorant. He has the worst B.O. I've ever smelled." Umm eww. I was fine earlier with Frank staying, but... gross! There is no way I could live in a house with someone who stunk. Now his sheets will starts stinking and the couches he sits on will start stinking. Blech. This might be the first summer someone actually gets evicted because of smell.

So, I'm going to end this here because this weekend is a little crazy for me. There will NOT be a blog tomorrow, but I will be on the Big Brother Gossip Show tonight talking about the first week in the house. Keep an eye out on my Twitter and Facebook for links and whatnot. The blog will return on Monday.

I'm anticipating that Shane will not use the POV, but that the back and forth about Kara and Frank will flip flop several times before we get to Eviction Night. A lot can happen in 5 days. Is it more important to evict a competitor or cripple Dan? Is Willie playing too hard too fast? Do you smell a revolution coming or is it that just Frank? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Watch Big Brother 14 on SuperPass!


  1. Love your blog, & maybe it's just me, but I find the white writing on black background difficult to read. Please change it so I can read everyday without getting tired or eye strained!

    1. I find it very easy to read. If she changes it, it might hurt my eyes! :(

  2. Great blog today LaLa!

  3. Viva la Juicy!!!

  4. Britney, Janelle and wil=The blonde Trinity

  5. It was interesting to hear you on the podcast the other day and now I will be able to hear you in my head when I read your blogs something that always makes reading more enjoyable for me. I must agree that Daniele is a big disappointment, and for me at least, the Dixie Chick has turned into a Southern Belladona. Ian, another early fan "favorite" is too young and has no social graces. He had the chance to be the kid all the women wanted to mother and instead he has become the creepy little brother they all want to strangle. The only word other than creepy I can think of to describe Ian is gawkward (not a misspelling but a neologism.) After seeing Wil with his full mane flowing free this morning I can't help but think of him as The Lion Queen. Dan may be a good football coach(since he can't pick girls to play on his team), but it was insane to think that a playboy bunny could get by using the same strategy he employed in his season. Blonde buxom bunnies are EXPECTED to be social and not act like shy Catholic school boys. While I never bet on BB evictions it will take a major house shift to save Kara at this point. Folks in the chat rooms have been asking who is Boogie's baby mama. My personal theory is that there is no mother. Rather, he had Dr. Will put the genital wart that was removed into a petry dish from which they grew a clone. For my money one Boogie in the world is one too many. Did he have to wear a Miami Hurricanes cap today? Isn't the UM in enough trouble from hanging out with low lifes?? Joe is another one getting on my nerves never have I ever run across culinary tyranny before, so glad I'm not there to have to eat his concoctions. Willie is more likeable than his brother, but the way he walks around just makes me think of a chimpanzee, he ain't big enough to be an ape. All in all its looking to be a big improvement over last season, although I am not a fan of the Mentor twist, nor the expected corollary to it that will release the mentors into the game to compete against the newbies. They may love to say "Expect the unexpected," but with Grodner at the helm it is more often "Expect the worst."

  6. I'm so confused I'm having a hard time deciding for whom to root. I only know what I don't like. Boogie.

    But I love you and the rapid fire bloggery. Thanks and keep up the great work.


  7. Still rooting for Janelle. I know she's just a coach, but so far she's the only one I can find to root for. Enough about the birth process on BBAD, though. Sheesh. Could Britney ask any more questions?

    Loving the blog.

  8. Boogie's chin drives me insane, but I kinda like him. I think he's smart and manipulative, and I personally like that.

    Joe has totally screwed himself with the whole food thing (basically acting like they have a never-ending supply of food),

    LOATHE Danielle. Her accent drives me nuts; her behavior drives me nuts. The sooner she's out the better.

    I don't have a big opinion on Frank, but Kara is annoying. She can go back to the Playboy mansion.

    I totally agree that Willie is playing too hard, too fast- but I do think there is still hope for him. I think telling the others that he was a Hantz was a foolish move that will come back to bite him in the ass, though.