Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Do It For America
For years people have asked me why I don't go on Big Brother and my answer has always been the same, "Because I'd be the first one evicted!" While I might be charming, witty, agile, crafty and incredibly cute, I am also, to a fault, a horrible liar. If someone asked me, "Do you mind if I have some of your SmartFood White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn from your HOH basket?" My reply would be, "Yes, I mind! Get the hell out of here and shower the next time you think of lying on my pillows! My god, you're so rude." So imagine my surprise when I became a bona fide BB15 player yesterday. Better yet, so did you! It turns out all of us are unwilling members of Hell-en's (Helen) alliance. We had no say in the matter. We were never asked. Yet, here we all are as part of the Mom Squad. I don't know about you, but I'm aborting whatever baby Hell-en thinks I have and then promptly jumping off a cliff. Let's recap, shall we?
We begin the day with Hell-en frantically working on whomever she can to convince Aryan to put up Amanda as the replacement nominee instead of Spencer. First, she corners VaGina (GinaMarie) in the bathroom and tells her that you can't tell Andy anything because he's a traitor. VaGina replies, "You gots ta cawl him out yo!" Hell-en agrees and says she's going to call out Andy today for playing both sides. You see, it has come to Hell-en's attention that Andy's loyalty lies with Amanda and McCrae not Hell-en and Elvira (Elissa). The conversation comes to a close with VaGina cursing some more about how she hates muthafuckin' rats.
Hell-en then heads up to the HOH to make one final plea for Aryan to put Amanda on the block during the POV Ceremony. Hell-en tells Aryan that last night Andy said he was going to bed, but he really didn't. This makes Hell-en incredibly suspicious of Andy. Hell-en says, "If he's a rat, it's unreal." Aryan tells Hell-en that if she puts Amanda up on the block, Spencer has already said he won't be voting her out. Aryan tells Hell-en that Andy, Spencer, McCrae and Amanda are all working together. She tells Hell-en that she has a better chance of staying if Spencer goes up on the block.
Before I go on, I need to pause here and clear something up. If you listened to the Big Brother Gossip Show this weekend, then you've already heard this. If you haven't, what the hell are you waiting for?! OK, so there is a lot of talk about whether or not Aryan is telling the truth when she talks to Hell-en or tells people that she doesn't trust Amanda. The answer is yes and no. The things she tells Hell-en are often true, BUT Aryan's loyalty will always be with 3AM (Amanda, Andy, Aryan, McCrae). Combine the two together and she becomes a regular Sarah Bernhardt. She uses truth in the lies she tells which makes her incredibly convincing to both us and Hell-en. For example, when Aryan says something like, "Hell-en, Spencer will risk going on the block because he is confident he has the numbers to stay," she is really saying, "Hell-en, Spencer will risk going on the block because 3AM is protecting him in an effort to send you home." So, the next time you wonder to yourself where Aryan's true loyalty lies, it lies with 3AM. Her ability to mix the truth in with the lies is unparalleled. Everyday, fans and Houseguests wonder what she's really thinking. I, too, wonder sometimes. That's how good she is. Love or hate Aryan, this little tactic of hers could serve her well when it comes to Jury votes. She is HOH and she has put Hell-en on the block and will, come Thursday, get her out of the game. BUT, Hell-en will blame none of it on Aryan! And if Aryan manages to get to the final two, Hell-en could quite possibly vote for her to win. And before you start calling me a racist again for appreciating good game play, please notice that the color of ABSOLUTELY NO ONE'S skin was mentioned in the above paragraph.
OK so Hell-en is stunned that Spencer is so willing to go on the block this week. She's stunned and pissed off at Andy. She says over and over again, "I can't believe Andy." Aryan nods and agrees, "Andy keeps selling you out." (Ha! That's another one of those truth/lie things she does.) Hell-en says that she wants to talk to Spencer and make him realize that he can't be the pawn forever. She also wants to tell McCrae that he'll be made fun of for the rest of his life for letting Amanda run his game. Hell-en thinks it will really bother McCrae to tell him that Amanda has carried him through this game. (Keep those last two sentences in mind when, later, Hell-en rants about "good" people and "bad" people.) McCrae is such a huge fan of Big Brother that Hell-en thinks calling his game an embarrassment will really tick him off.
Hell-en, as always, circles back around to Andy again. She tells Aryan that Elvira will be floored when she hears about all of this. Yet Hell-en says that if she leaves the game, Elvira should play with Andy. Why Hell-en is so concerned about Elvira's welfare, I'll never know. She also thinks that she needs to tell Elvira that should play the game with Aryan and VaGina as well. Aryan tells Hell-en that she doesn't think Elvira cares all that much that Hell-en is leaving. Aryan says, "I feel like Elvira is just happy it isn't her that's going home." (Ha!)
Speaking of Elvira, it is now her turn to try to work on Aryan. Elvira sits across from Aryan and asks her who is she putting on the block today. Aryan tells her she will be putting up Spencer. Elvira responds, "It would be amazing for your game if you put up Amanda hnmm mnmm." Aryan then tells her the same thing she told Hell-en - that Spencer will vote to keep Amanda is Amanda goes on the block. Elvira replies that everyone in the house is playing Amanda's game. Elvira then says that McCrae is getting vicious and wants them all (the girls) to fight. Huh? McCrae getting vicious? VICIOUS? Riiiight.
So the POV Ceremony takes place and, as expected, Aryan has put Spencer on the block. Also, as expected, Hell-en is freaking out and having a hissy fit. She gathers everyone (except for Spencer, Amanda and McCrae) up in the HOH bathroom for a lecture. And, true to her word from earlier, Hell-en calls out Andy in front of everyone. She tells Andy that he is being so manipulated by Amanda & McCrae. She says that America is at home saying, "Andy, make the right choice." NO WE'RE NOT!!! Hell-en says that Andy will go down in flames if he stays with Amanda & McCrae and that later he'll regret not playing with the girls (Hell-en, Elvira, VaGina, Aryan). Andy, bless him, replies, "I don't like that you're questioning me. It's pissing me off." Hell-en burbles something about something and then hugs Andy. Andy tells Hell-en that, yes, he's aligned with Amanda & McCrae, but he knows exactly what's going on. He tells Hell-en, "I'm not stupid." Hell-en, who I think expected Andy to bow down and obey her with his tail between his legs, apologizes to Andy and tells him that she loves him.
Out of nowhere, VaGina interrupts to contribute some sage game talk, "Spencer is such a tampon! Fuckin' yo Nick an' I hate rats. Sta'en Island represent!" No one knows what the hell she's talking about so Hell-en ignores her and begins to bring me and you into her game. She tells everyone that America will be so happy if someone in that bathroom wins Big Brother. Then, she begins to talk directly to us, "Big Brother is about loyalty, trustworthiness and sportsmanship. It's not about manipulation and deceit. One of the good people WILL win this game!" Collectively, we all replied, "SHUT THE FUCK UP HELL-EN!"
Elvira then chimes in and says that Amanda & McCrae would never date in real life. Well, this sets off an Attack Amanda session. Everyone, save Andy, chimes in and says something nasty about Amanda. Wait a sec, I thought these were supposed to be the "good" people. Hell-en says that this, right here, this meeting of the minds in the HOH is Amanda's worst nightmare. Meanwhile, Amanda is downstairs sleeping soundly without a care in the world. Yeah Hell-en, Amanda sure is all bunged about it.
Hell-en then gets called to the Diary Room. When she leaves Aryan announces, "I didn't come here to win fourth place." OK, I'll admit, even then I had to scratch my head and wonder if Aryan was telling the truth. Even Andy sat silently not sure of where Aryan's loyalty was swaying. Aryan continues and says that she is annoyed how confident Spencer is that he's safe this week.
Elvira leaves the HOH and we are left with VaGina, Andy and Aryan. Aryan tells Andy that Elvira warned her to watch what she says to him. Andy sighs and tells Aryan that he is playing this game by trusting his instinct. He has been doing that since day one and, right now, his instinct is telling him not to trust Hell-en. He tells Aryan that he'll be voting Hell-en out this week. VaGina says that she'll vote however Aryan wants to vote, but she doesn't trust Spencer. Andy chimes in and says that he has no reason to doubt Amanda & McCrae. Andy cites how Hell-en keeps saying she wants the "good" people to win and not the bullies. He says that Hell-en has been bullying him the whole time. Aryan agrees with Andy about getting rid of Hell-en, but she feels bad about it.
Later we find Aryan and Spencer in the HOH room. Aryan is bitching to Spencer about how Amanda has deals with everyone in the house. Aryan says that the fight they had last night almost made her put Amanda up on the block. (Note: The fight wasn't even really a fight. Aryan was buzzed and bringing up Wine-Gate and Amanda couldn't keep her mouth shut about Aryan playing the victim. Amanda squashed it quickly and the two were BFF's again.) Aryan then switches gears and tells Spencer how scared she is of Elvira winning HOH. Aryan continues and says that Amanda & McCrae have made deals with everyone. Spencer says, "They haven't made a deal with me." Spencer tells Aryan that Amanda & McCrae keep him around as a vote to get other people out. He says once his usefulness is up, they'll get rid of him.
Aryan sighs and says that she is beginning to realize a lot of stuff Amanda is doing lately. Spencer tells Aryan that next week will be easy. Amanda's plan is, "Get rid of Elvira. Keep me safe." He says that Amanda's plan last week was, "Get Jessie out. Keep me safe." For two people who know exactly what's going on with Amanda & McCrae they seem to have no problem doing their bidding and keeping them in the game because Amanda & McCrae will always be a more appealing option than Hell-en and Elvira. This is an interesting point because, if you think about it, had Elvira been likable and not so freaking weird, the house would probably be more than happy to side with her over Amanda & McCrae. The problem is that Elvira is so standoffish, rude and manipulative that the house has no choice, but to choose Amanda & McCrae. Imagine how different the game would be had Elvira be easy going and fun-loving.
Later in the cockpit we get the meeting that everyone (but McCrae) has been waiting for. It's Hell-en and McCrae and Hell-en is wasting no time telling McCrae how Amanda is running his game. She tells him that America (ugh) is watching and we want him to play for himself. She says that relationships should be 50/50, but that McCrae is letting himself be bossed around by Amanda. Hell-en says if Amanda is running is game then why even be there? Why compete? Why vote? McCrae only answers with, "Ya. I have a lot to think about."
First off, Hell-en is a cunt. I'm sorry, but she is. Who the hell does she think she is to tell a man that his relationship is doomed? And I take issue with her using ME while she does it! She literally assaults McCrae with how even though she wears the pants in her marriage, McCrae should wear the pants in his. Need I remind you that Amanda & McCrae AREN'T REALLY MARRIED! She attacks the poor lad with relationship and marriage advice while telling him how embarrassed America is for him. I'm not saying she's wrong in what we/America think of McCrae. I, too, think he is pussy whipped. My problem with this whole thing is how she repeatedly says how she wants the "good" people to win over people who bully, manipulate and threaten. In this instance Hell-en is doing exactly what she says the "bad" people do! She's a hypocrite and it makes me insane. More so because she's dragged me and you into it.
Meanwhile, Andy is upstairs in the HOH telling Amanda that Hell-en is talking with McCrae right now. Andy tells her that Hell-en keeps calling her a bully when Hell-en is the one being the total bully. Andy says that he's sick of it and sick of being around Hell-en. Amanda wonders if maybe she should pop in and break up their meeting. Aryan tells her not to and to wait. Amanda says it's so annoying knowing that people are campaigning against her and she's not even on the block. Amanda regrets telling Hell-en so early that she wouldn't be voting for Hell-en to stay. Amanda admits that she makes mistakes in the game. She says that she's slowly learning how to conduct herself. She says that this week she learned that she should have waited longer to tell Hell-en how she'll be voting.
McCrae finally manages to escape from Hell-en and up in the HOH he tells everyone what Hell-en was saying to him. He tells Amanda that Hell-en said she was carrying him through the game. Amanda replies, "I'm carrying you? What am I, a fucking kangaroo?!" McCrae continues and says that Hell-en was talking about the "bad" guys. Amanda asks, "I'm a bad guy and who else?" Andy says, "Spencer!" Spencer asks, "Why am I a bad guy?!" Spencer sighs and snorts that Hell-en is just campaigning for votes.
McCrae then laughs to himself and tells the room how Hell-en told him that the Brenchel Army is waiting with bated breath to see how McCrae and Andy will vote. He says that Hell-en told him that America is backing the moms. McCrae says that every time Hell-en brought up the Brenchel Army it was making him crazy. He says that Hell-en was the one being a total bully and threatening him. Andy chimes in, "That's exactly what I was thinking." McCrae says that the one person America would never support is someone who threatens to walk from Jury (he's talking about how Elvira threatened to quit the game if she got evicted).
Amanda is visibly bothered by Hell-en calling her a bully. She asks McCrae if she bullies him around. McCrae says no and that if she ever wanted him to make a move that wasn't good for his game, he wouldn't do it. Amanda tells him that she'd never want him to make a move that would hurt him in the game. McCrae tells her that it really pissed him off when Elvira asked him, "Was getting rid of J-U-DD good for YOU?" McCrae says he wanted to tell her, "No motherfucker, it was good for you!" McCrae then tells Amanda that Hell-en thinks Amanda is the mastermind behind this week's nomination. Amanda says, "Apparently, I'm the mastermind behind every HOH." Amanda says she can't believe that Hell-en thought McCrae would actually keep secret everything she said to him.
Spencer then chimes in and says, "I guarantee you that Elvira is hated outside this house." Andy says that he is super worried about Elvira winning HOH this week. Andy says that he doesn't want to have to kiss her ass. Amanda agrees and says it makes her so nervous that her ears are burning. The room agrees to all hang on for dear life if it's an Endurance Competitions. Spencer says he'll try to get into Elvira's head by saying it's cold outside or something during the competition.
Amanda still can't seem to shake the bully moniker that Hell-en has given her. She asks the room if they think she's a bully. Spencer tells Amanda that she's brutally honest. Andy tells her that she's "assertive", but not a bully. Spencer says that he hates that word "bully" (so do I!). All the boys say how much J-U-DD hated that word too. Amanda comments that Hell-en is just pissed off that Amanda beat her at her own game. McCrae then says that Hell-en and Amanda are so similar. (LOL) Amanda doesn't like hearing this, but I have to agree with it. I said a few weeks ago on the Big Brother Gossip Show how both Hell-en and Amanda are great players and incredibly persuasive. McCrae continues and jokes that Amanda doesn't know what the word "threat" means. Andy comments that she's gotten much better about threatening people.
Spencer says that Amanda threatened him once by saying, "If you don't vote with us, we'll all come after you." The entire room cracks up in laughter, even Amanda. McCrae says, "That's not a threat." Amanda replies, "Yes it is!" The bully discussion comes to a close with everyone giggling. The room advises Amanda to work on Elvira later, but not right now because it would look suspicious. Amanda comments that maybe she should cry when talking to Elvira. She says, "Yeah, I'll break down and say that Hell-en is saying all these terrible things about me and how I've been protecting Elvira."
And there you have it! A bit of an exciting day for a Monday. I expect the rest of the week to continue in the same fashion. Hell-en will NOT go down without a fight and Amanda will NOT go down without letting Hell-en know exactly what she thinks of her (look for that on Thursday maybe).
So, what do you guys think of Hell-en going home? How nutball crazy will Elvira be without Hell-en in the game? How annoyed are you that Hell-en dragged you into her awful alliance? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!