Wednesday, August 21, 2013
You guys are so disgusting, hnmm mnmm. You like have no character to come here day after day and read about MY life experiences, unh. Go get your own life experiences. When I look at you, I see magnets. Wait, not magnets. If you were magnets then you would attract me. You're anti-magnets! Hnmm mnmm. You repel me. Sitting there with your poor character and nothing at all to offer the world, I simply can't be around you anymore. Like, I'm charitable and I have my ministry, hnmm mnmm, but you guys are horrible people. God doesn't like horrible people and neither do I, unh. God only likes proven commodities like me and Candice. We're like successful powerful women who know the value of dating men for their bank accounts, hnmm mnmm. Oh my god, I can't talk you guys anymore. You're so jealous of me, unh. Let's recap, shall we?
If you don't want to kill yourself after today's post, then I haven't done my job. It's as simple as that. What started out as an innocent Tuesday got raped and assaulted violently by hnmm mnmm's and moans. That's right. Elvira (Elissa) personality #666 is back and she's got some souls to crush.
Let's begin in the backyard with Hell-en (Helen) and Elvira drinking some coffee and engaging in some morning chitchat. Hell-en begins by saying that she thinks McCrae has been brainwashed, but there might be more to him than meets the eye. Hell-en tells Elvira that she's disappointed in McCrae as if he was her own son. Elvira then asks Hell-en if she thinks Andy, McCrae and Amanda are better character wise than VaGina (GinaMarie) and Aryan. It's a strange question that Elvira decides to answer herself. She says that Amanda is playing the game and says some really ridiculous things sometimes, but Aryan and VaGina aren't solid as people. They wouldn't know how to handle a crisis. Hell-en then says that Amanda is a phenomenal player. She says, "She's phenomenal. She's amazing. I would vote for her to win." Hell-en continues and says that she's rather go out of the game under Amanda's influence than say someone like Spencer. Hell-en says if she ever has to get something done in the world, she'd call Amanda and be like, "What the hell do I need to do?" In other words, Amanda is a go getter.
The conversation switches to Aryan and how Hell-en wants her and Elvira to work on both Aryan and VaGina. Elvira tells Hell-en that she doesn't trust Aryan and Aryan just says whatever Hell-en wants to hear. Elvira says that Aryan would just run to Amanda and tell her everything anyways. Hell-en sighs and tells Elvira that she has to put her trust in someone. Hell-en tells her that she really believes that Aryan was close to backdooring Amanda the other night (She was.).
#666 can't stay dormant any longer so she claws her way up Elvira's esophagus and spews pea soup everywhere. Elvira says that Aryan is a horrible person who has said some horrible things. Hell-en inhales sharply and you can tell she is desperate to calm Elvira down. Hell-en tells Elvira that Aryan has been trying to rebuild her reputation because she is concerned with how she was portrayed in the first half of the game. Elvira interrupts and says, "So now she's being fake on camera." Helen sighs and says, "No, like siding with me and siding with the moms." Elvira says, "Even though it's totally fake and she's running to Amanda." Elvira continues and tells Hell-en that she's happy she's trying to stay in the game, but that she (Elvira) will never change her ming on Aryan, "Aryan isn't a solid person and doesn't have good character."
Again, Hell-en takes a deep breath and tries to reason with Elvira. Hell-en says that she tries to see the good in people (like me!). Elvira replies, "Unh that's going to get you screwed over hnmm mnmm." Hell-en, fighting the good fight yet getting nowhere, says that she believes peoples life experiences shape who they are and we don't know if something may have happened to Aryan. Elvira's eyes turn black as she says that Aryan is a horrible influence on VaGina. VaGina had the opportunity to be saved and turned into a good person like Elvira or Hell-en, but she blew it by hanging out with Aryan.
Hell-en desperately wants to get the conversation back on track, but Elvira keeps turning it into an Aryan Bash-fest. You see, Hell-en is simply trying to give Elvira advice on how to stay in the game after she leaves. Let's face it, Elvira is not one for advice. She is already perfect!
Hell-en, not one to give up on fighting the good fight, tells Elvira that Aryan is incredibly ambitious for a 22 year old. Elvira snorts and says that if she and Hell-en were on Adderall when they were 22, they'd be ambitious too. Elvira says that Aryan couldn't decide whether or not to go on the Real World or Big Brother. Elvira claims that Aryan chose Big Brother for the possibility of winning money. Hell-en says there is nothing wrong with Aryan wanting to be famous. Elvira chortles about how Aryan once dating a pro hockey player, but that he might not have been a pro after all. Hell-en says quietly, "She got her heart broken [by him]." Elvira replies, "Well, she should have been a nicer person." *smacks self in head* Elvira says, "I'm like such a charitable person, hnmm mnmm. Aryan would steal your husband. If you have something she wants, she'll just take it."
The conversation was completely ridiculous. On the one hand, we have Hell-en being a good sport trying to help Elvira out in the game and give her advice. On the other hand, we have Elvira in the throes of a raging jealous obsession with Aryan. You heard me right - Elvira is OBSESSED with Aryan. Aryan has done nothing to Elvira this week, but try to be nice to her. True, Elvira was on the block, but she was never in danger of going anywhere. Instead, Aryan heeded everyone's advice and has been civil to Elvira. Elvira, however, is so wrapped up in her weirdo jealousy of Aryan that Aryan is all she can talk about. Elvira hated Aryan well before any of the race crap started and she has continued to hate her well after it ended. For someone who is so Christian and "good", you'd think she'd be more forgiving. I'm the farthest thing from a Christian and I hold grudges like you wouldn't believe, but even I have managed to forgive Aryan.
Finally, the conversation comes to a close and we all breathed a sigh of relief. I did some yoga, had a bite to eat, watched some Real Housewives and popped a pain pill. Innocently, I turned the feeds back on expecting to see the houseguests getting ready for the day. Oh Christ. Hell-en and Elvira are talking again. *grabs a crucifix* Wish me luck.
Once again the Mom Squad is outside chatting and once again Elvira is obsessed with Aryan. Elvira is telling Hell-en that she doesn't talk to Aryan or VaGina because she doesn't want to speak to them, not because she wants Hell-en to speak for her. Hell-en is simply (and weirdly) going to the ends of the earth to make sure Elvira is safe after Hell-en leaves the game. Before I continue, let's talk about this. Why why why is Hell-en more concerned about keeping Elvira safe than she is about playing her own game? Hell-en gives gives gives and Elvira takes takes takes. You know those people in life that you can't stand, but for some reason you find yourself doing nice things for them and worrying what they think about you? Those are psychic vampires. They suck the life out of you and use it for themselves. I would like to go on record saying that Elvira is a psychic vampire.
Hell-en, bless her, tries and tries to give Elvira the pep talk she needs to win the next HOH, but Elvira, damn her, keeps swinging the conversation back to Aryan. It went something like this:
"I can't wait to never ever ever, I mean EVER, speak to Aryan again."
"Now, I don't want you to worry or get nervous before the next HOH comp."
"Aryan is so spoiled. She hasn't had any life experiences, hnmm mnmm."
"You won at OTIV. You can win at anything!"
"Candice had great character. Candice is a proven commodity. Sorry you're not as successful as Candice, Aryan. Sorry!"
"When you put your mind to it, you can win at anything!"
"Candice was a professional cheerleader. Sorry you weren't Aryan, unh."
"You were a beast in POV this week. You were SO good at it!"
"Aryan is so gross, unh. I can't believe I have to stay here with these people."
"I love you. I do. I love you and I want you to win."
"Aryan is so much prettier than I am. I mean, she's gross. Really gross!"
The conversation ends with Hell-en crying about how she never felt beautiful until now. I shit you not. In the middle of Elvira raving like a lunatic, Hell-en had an emotional breakthrough. She tells Elvira that she never beautiful until she entered the Big Brother house. The two hug as Elvira coos, "Aryan has such poor character" into Hell-en's ear.
Finally, FINALLY, we can get away from Elvira and focus on Amanda who is finally awake. Amanda has been itching to talk to Hell-en about all the shit she's been saying about her and now is the time. The two sit in the cockpit and Hell-en begins, "If I go, I won't be a bitter Jury member. I know this is a game and I know when I've met my match." Amanda tells Hell-en that the reason she got so angry yesterday at Hell-en is because Hell-en's tactics have been personal. Hell-en nods and agrees with Amanda. Amanda says that she's not a bully and that she's probably the only person who has been honest to Hell-en (This is true. Instead of lying to Hell-en about her vote, she told her to her face she would vote to keep Spencer.). Hell-en then tells Amanda that she loves her and wants to have good times in the house. She says that Amanda is the one of the smartest people she's ever met and that she wants to leave the house on good terms. Hell-en apologizes for the things she said to McCrae yesterday. She tells Amanda that she didn't feel good about the conversation after it was over and that she knew it wasn't right. Amanda tells Hell-en that she felt like Hell-en was campaigning against her when she's not even on the block. Hell-en apologizes again.
Amanda then tells Hell-en that the only reason she came after Hell-en is because she heard that Hell-en was coming after her (Andy told Amanda that Hell-en was targeting her.). She tells Hell-en that she cares about her and loves her, but this is purely a game move. She says that Elvira was laughing at her yesterday and it made her feel uncomfortable. Hell-en tells Amanda that Elvira is playing for herself. Meanwhile, Elvira is outside the door eavesdropping.
Hell-en continues, "Elvira is Elvira. She will heed any advice I give her." Hell-en then begins to lay on the compliments super thick. She tells Amanda again how much she loves her, how smart she is, etc. Amanda thanks Hell-en and tells her that it upsets her when people say she bosses McCrae around. She tells Hell-en that it's McCrae that drives her to succeed in this game, not the money. She says she dreads getting evicted only because she doesn't want to be separated from McCrae. Hell-en is happy to hear this and tells her that she's happy she had a hand in getting Amanda and McCrae this far (WHAT?). Hell-en says that she wants someone she has worked with to win the game. The two hug it out and agree to enjoy Hell-en's last few days in the house... if they are her last.
Oh Christ. Hell-en and Elvira are outside again. Hell-en tells Elvira about her conversation with Amanda and how she told Amanda that she appreciates her. She tells Elvira that she wants to be able to comfortably spend time with Amanda & McCrae before she leaves the house. Elvira's reply is thus, "Unh, it's so ridiculous, hnmm mnmm. Aryan is so disgusting and repulsive. She 's the worst person I've ever met in my entire life. She's such a child. She has nothing to offer... EVER!" Umm ok. Keep in mind that Hell-en wasn't even talking about Aryan. She was talking about Amanda!
Hell-en tries to change the subject and tells Elvira to focus on the game. Here we go again...
"Oh my gosh. It's so horrible. I hate her. She is so jealous of me. In the game even. I haven't even won any HOH's and she's bitterly jealous of me."
"You need to focus and win HOH."
"She just wants to be the center of attention and if anyone take the attention off of her it makes her fiery mad."
"Look at my thigh. I'm losing so much weight."
"Aryan comparing herself to me is like me comparing myself to Poppy Montgomery or Oprah."
"In my heart of hearts I know Andy won't vote for me to stay."
"Unh, don't say that, hnmm mnmm. I hate Aryan!"
After another 8 hours of Elvira drooling over Aryan, Amanda and Elvira meet in the cockpit. If you'll remember yesterday, Amanda has been preparing for this meeting and planning what she wants to say. The conversation begins as soon as Elvira walks into the cockpit, "I can't deal with these people (i.e. Aryan)." Amanda tells Elvira that she heard about all the conversatino yesterday where she was being called a bully. Amanda says, "I've NEVER attacked you or Hell-en personally." Elvira replies, "You know who did that? You're little sidekick Aryan!" (UGH) Elvira continues, "Aryan is so disgusting." Amanda doesn't blink an eyelash and tells Elvira that she is one of the only people who has been honest with her this whole time. She says, "So many people in this house lie to your face. The only reason I'm going after Hell-en is because she's coming after me." Elvira says, "Aryan is going after you." (SHE DOESN'T STOP!) "Aryan is jealous of me and that's why she starts fights with me. She isn't even on my level." (WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?)
With Amanda the Aryan talk is one ear and out the other. Her main concern is getting Elvira to trust her so she tells Elvira how upset she is because she's always had Elvira's back and now Hell-en is turning Elvira against her. Amanda says she has never said a bad word about Elvira and Hell-en, but from a game perspective she feels she can trust Elvira more than Hell-en (LOL LIE). Amanda says that so many people are going after Elvira, but she and McCrae have been protecting her. Amanda then tells Elvira that Hell-en told her Elvira was going after her. Elvira gets pissy and says that she doesn't know why Hell-en is talking for her.
I could go on and on about this conversation and about how Elvira says everyone in the house is as dumb as a brick wall and how Candice is a proven commodity (SHE'S NOT EVEN THERE) and how Aryan makes her sick to her stomach and how everyone is so stupid and how Elvira will always be successful and how no one in the house should bother talking to you... *clicks rifle and shoots face off*
Meanwhile, up in the HOH, Aryan is pissed off that Amanda is even talking to Elvira. SHE'S DOING IT FOR YOU, YOU TWIT! Amanda is downstairs enduring hell to make sure Elvira doesn't go after 3AM, but Aryan doesn't see that. All Aryan sees is Amanda kissing up to Elvira. Naturally, this gets VaGina all wound up so she contributes some game talk as well, "Fuckin' muthafuckas. Rats! I love you Nick. My twat itches, yo!"
Immediately after the conversation with Elvira, what do you think Amanda does? She goes right upstairs to tell her alliance everything! Is Aryan happy that Amanda is going to the ends of the earth to save her ass? NO! Aryan is super pissy. Like, spoiled brat pissy. After Amanda tells her everything she said to Elvira, Aryan replies, "Great. You saved yourself. Thanks." Amanda sits quietly and everyone watching the feeds could see the wheels spinning in her head. She literally just spent over an hour making sure her alliance will be ok in the coming weeks and now her alliance is angry with her. The look on Amanda's face read as exasperated. You could see her saying to herself, "Why the hell am I going out on a limb for these people? They don't get it!" I was even saying these things to myself. I loved 3AM. I was excited by 3AM. I thought 3AM would make such an interesting final 4, but Aryan's attitude right now makes me want Amanda to kick her out and replace her with Spencer or something. That should tell you exactly how ungrateful Aryan was. I hate Spencer!
Amanda tries desperately to make everyone understand that she was working on their behalf, but the tension in the room is so thick that she can't help but comment on it. Amanda asks, "Am I acting shady right now because I'm trying to be honest?" Spencer says she is kind of acting shady but he understands what she was doing. VaGina, on the other hand, says, "I ain't gonna promise nobody nuthin'!" Amanda says, "I never promised anything." It was a sad scene. Really sad. You have the two twits not grasping anything that's going on and Spencer too afraid to piss off anyone.
So that's where I'll end this today. Should Amanda kick Aryan out of 3AM? Why is Elvira so obsessed with Aryan? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!