Thursday, August 7, 2014

Ride 'Em Cowboy!

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Just as I was about to pack it in for the season and leave Dullsville for good, a miracle has taken place. A lassoed ab rippling miracle moseyed into our lives and into our dreams. With his hands on his holster and his ass in chaps, he guzzled down 6 beers and started to make shit happen. Let's recap, shall we?

The HG's celebrated a Half Way Party where they were able to indulge in pizza and beer. When the feeds finally returned we find Caleb (inexplicably wearing cowboy boots with shorts) in the Hive with Frankie. Caleb has something on his mind and that something is GAME CHANGING. It turns out that our lovable Cowboy is bothered that someone told Nicole that he said that she doesn’t clean up around the house and now it's making him rethink the way they're voting this week. Oh he sure said it alright. The problem is that he can’t remember who he said it to, but he said it and somehow the information has gotten back to Nicole. Frankie interjects and says, “But that’s still not game talk.” Caleb says, “Still, they’re leaking information.” You see, little stuff like that bothers our Beast Mode Cowboy. If someone is gossiping about something as little as cleaning the house and that information is getting to the other side, who knows what that person is spreading when it comes to the game? 

Caleb says, what if someone on the other side wins HOH and Christine outs the boys alliance in order to keep herself safe. Frankie says it all comes down to trust and he trusts Christine. Caleb replies that if it came down to him and Nicole on the block, he thinks Christine will vote to save Nicole. At the end of the day, he thinks when it comes down to it, Christine will flip to save herself.

Frankie listens to all of this and decides to go get Derrick. 

Derrick joins them and Caleb expresses his concerns about Christine flipping to join Nicole’s side of the house. They'll lose not only Zach, but Christine and that means they'll lose their majority. He’s not necessarily saying to keep Zach, but when it comes down to it, they don’t have Jocasta’s vote down the road. So if Jocasta says and Christine flips, they lose the numbers they had. Even Victoria could start voting with the other side of the house if Christine blows up the guys alliance. Derrick says, “But if we vote out Jocasta, they’re gonna know (about a guy’s alliance). They’re gonna put two of us up together and one of us takes ourselves off, they’re gonna put another one of us up.” Caleb says, “Even if we vote to keep Jocasta, Jocasta is not a number for us.” Yes Caleb, yes! Thou speakest the truth.

Derrick leaves and goes back to the bathroom to continue his manscaping. Frankie tells Caleb that he’s worried about how Zach has been telling shit to everyone in the house. Caleb replies, “At the end of the day, Jocasta is not with any of us.” Good point! “She’s a vote against us.” Another good point! Why don't these other chuckleheads understand this?!

Meanwhile, in the bathroom where Derrick is perfecting that stupid line of hair along his jaw, he fills Cody in on what Caleb’s concerns are.

(Let us pause and briefly appreciate the genius of what Caleb is wearing right now.)

Back in the Hive, our little Cowboy is asking some serious questions, “Is it safer to keep Jocasta over Zach?” Frankie replies that he doesn’t know if it’s necessarily safer. He says that it’s not really more dangerous so, “Yes, it’s safer in my opinion cuz I don’t know what he’s going to do.” Caleb replies that they know exactly what Jocasta will do. She’ll lose comps and she’ll be a vote against them. 

Caleb says when it comes down to it, he’ll still vote out Zach if that’s what the alliance wants, but know that when Zach leaves he’s going to out all of their secrets and the other side will have the house majority. And this is where Caleb speaks the most profoundly. He says they started out with the most numbers, but then it went "Amber - GONE!, Devin - GONE!, And now if he [Zach] goes - GONE!" He says from here on out it’s a numbers game and so far all they’ve been doing is sending out their own people. Furthermore, Hayden isn't even really locked in as one of their alliance. He’s only there because Devin left which means he’s not entirely reliable. 

Caleb and Frankie leave the Hive, but the most uncomfortable room in the world isn't empty for long because here comes Derrick and Cody to further discuss Caleb's concerns. 

Funnily enough, Derrick says he has been thinking about all of this all day (I wouldn't doubt if the DR has had a generous helping hand here and has begun to plant doubt with all of the Bomb Squad). If they vote out Zach and then they vote out Christine (like they're planning to do), they’re fucked. The two start to compare notes about what Hayden has been telling them about who to target and who he’s solid with until the end. They conclude that Hayden is playing them and protecting Donny.

Frankie enters.

Derrick outlines that Caleb is worried about the numbers and if they all think about it, Caleb is right. YES! Derrick says that Zach may run his mouth and play his own game, but in the end he will never vote against their alliance. Derrick says that Caleb’s worries are indeed rational thoughts. “He’s no dummy,” he says. Derrick realizes that Christine may not flip at all (oh yes she will), but if she does, they’re completely screwed.

Derrick says that Caleb’s only concern is numbers and even though he knows Zach has created other alliances without him, when it comes down to it if Caleb is up on the block against Nicole, Nicole will stay because she has the votes. It’s all about numbers. It kills me that these guys are just figuring this out now. Dummies, dummies, dummies!

Frankie says that his issue is that his trust with Zach is broken now. For example, Zach is up in the HOH right now and on the inside Frankie is freaking out. He’s “nervous as fuck.” as to what Zach is up to. That level of mistrust is a problem for Frankie. Oh stick a cork in it, Frankie! That has nothing to do with the game! Your “level of trust”… oh give me a break! This isn’t a feeling circle. It’s Big Brother!

Frankie insists that Nicole is loyal to them which, obviously, is ridiculous. 

Christine enters and Frankie is excited to fill her in. He just can't wait to sing like a canary and guide Christine through her replies. Derrick and Cody look down and get quiet. You can tell that they’re nervous as to how much Frankie is about to tell her. Frankie’s retell is all about how his trust his gone and how Zach has a final 2 with everyone in the house. Christine doesn’t say much of anything. Instead Frankie TELLS her what to think like, “Isn’t Zach not trustworthy? Don’t we have Hayden and Nicole under control?” Christine dumbly nods. 

Caleb returns and Frankie says when it comes to do it I don’t trust Zach anymore. Cody chimes in and says that Zach has been saying too much stuff about him (Cody is such a paranoid priss). Caleb says, “Well, there you go. I’m with you guys 110%.” Cody says, “I think Hayden is good with us.” Frankie exclaims, “I agree!” Dummies. I've got to hand it to Caleb though. He may be many things awful, but one thing he isn't, is disloyal. Derrick and Caleb leave the Hive leaving Cody and Christine to gossip like 2 schoolgirls. 

A little later Cody and Derrick cross paths in the bathroom. Derrick wants to have a meeting with everyone in the alliance (Which one? I have no idea. Detonators, Bomb Squad, Douchebags... who knows.) to solidify how they’re voting. But young Cody is heated and he must talk now! The rapid fire whispering commences as Cody recaps how he was alone with Christine and said to her how 3 out of the last 4 weeks, they’ve sent home one of their original 8 alliance. Christine's reply was that she didn’t realize that. Cody thought she was full of shit and said, "Come on Christine, you really didn't notice?" Derrick replies, “Exactly! We have the numbers and we’re literally cannibalizing ourselves.” Derrick says they’ve been evening up the numbers for the other side this whole time and they’re going to look like fools (yup). Cody then asks the all important question, “Ok so we’re voting to keep Zach?” Derrick replies… wait for it… “I think we should.” Yeehaw! Ride me Cowboy! Oops I mean, Ride 'em Cowboy!

Derrick says they’ll tell Frankie that they know he wants to protect the other side, but that the other side wanted to backdoor him this week. They’ll tell Frankie that the other side of the house have been telling them everything he and Christine have been saying. Derrick says there is no way Frankie will keep wanting to work with them after that. They’ll meet later with all the others to tell them they’re keeping Zach. Oh my god you guys!

Cody can't wait until later. He's too jacked and in a hurry to get all the credit so he goes to tell Christine that everything Christine has been saying all week, the other side has been telling Cody and Derrick. He knows Christine said to put up him or Derrick as a replacement. He then says, “Do you know who they were going to backdoor if you used the Veto this week? Frankie!” Christine doesn’t say much other than, “This is unbelievable! This is un-believable!” She never really comments on what Cody is telling her. She simply reacts to it. This is Christine's tell. If she simply replies and doesn't bother to explain, she's lying. Cody reiterates how Nicole has been saying how all week Christine has wanted one of them up next to Zach. Christine replies, “OK interesting.”

Christine says, “Cody, we have to stick together.” Cody says that’s what I thought until I found out you said to put me up. Christine smiles and still doesn't say anything. Cody then tells Christine how she told Nicole that Victoria and Hayden hooked up. Christine scoffs loudly. Cody says he has now realized that they’ve all been played (by Nicole). Christine replies, “I’m amazed by their strategy right now.” She continues, “I’m so pissed off, but I’m so impressed!” She thanks Cody for coming to her and filling her in. 

Frankie enters and Cody wastes no time filling him in on everything that Nicole has been telling them [Derrick and Cody] all week. Frankie smiles weirdly to himself. Christine says, “Can you believe that?! They’re brilliant. They’re brilliant!” Cody says they were all going to vote out Zach to appease the other side, but actually if they vote out Zach, they’re playing right into their hands. Frankie asks, “So Zach’s staying?” 

Side Note: Cody was supposed to wait and deliver this news with Derrick. None of this was never Cody’s idea. If you'll remember, it was just an hour ago that Cody was whining about how Zach talks about him too much. This is ALL Caleb's doing. Derrick simply gave it his stamp of approval which then convinced Cody - who was vehemently AGAINST it - and now here he is taking all the credit and letting the others in on it. He even tells them at one point that HE told Derrick that something hasn’t been right all week long. Not true. If anything, Derrick has definitely been suspicious, but he was still on board with getting rid of Zach. Very smarmy move there, Cody. I guess you can’t blame him for trying to take all the credit, but let it be known that this was really Caleb’s doing.

Frankie then goes through the votes to keep Zach and finally says, “Let’s do it.” Like it was all up to him. Like everyone was waiting for his approval. Like it was his idea. Like he is the final decision maker of everything in the house. This is interesting because as we have seen in this scenario, both Cody and Frankie are actively after getting credit for these moves. Let’s hope this leads to a power struggle somewhere down the road. 

Derrick finally enters the Have-Not room and Cody quickly tells him that he's already filled Frankie and Christine in as to what's been going on. Derrick says, "Alright, are we done playing the games? Are we done? Are we done playing the games? Seriously. They were going to pick us off one by one. They told us EVERYTHING you guys said." It was an odd way to put it especially as he said it looking back and forth from Frankie to Christine. It was both accusatory and forgiving at the same time. It was sort of like, "Look, I know what you chuckleheads have been up to this whole time, but let's squash it. All is forgiven. From here on out, Detonators are a go." And to really bring the point home, Derrick points to Christine, "They wanted us to put YOU up." He then turns to Frankie, "And they wanted to backdoor YOU." Derrick then adds, "By the way, you're welcome [Frankie] because we're the reason you didn't go on the block." Then goofy ole minute late Cody chimes in that he still thinks that Donny is the mastermind behind all of this. Cody, my love, shush. Just sit quietly and let Derrick do all the talking. 

Finally, FINALLY, the man of the hour enters the room. He's shirtless now - obviously - and before anyone else can say anything, Frankie blurts out, "I love you! You were right all along! I love you!" Frankie and his "I love you's" just might deserve a Big Brother Gossip Show rant this weekend. I've been reading The Four Agreements and I think Frankie is wielding around the power of his word casting spells on everyone. It's a theory I'm workshopping. 

With Caleb in the room, Frankie immediately leaps on him while Derrick warns him not to say ANYTHING to Hayden. Hayden is NOT part of the Bombsquad. He is NOT with them. He is, in fact, actively working to get rid of their alliance. Victoria, however, will vote how they want her to vote so it's good to keep her close. Frankie and Caleb will break the good news to Zach later.

The End.

And THAT, my friends, is how a lonely Beast Mode Cowboy rode in on his magnificent steed and saved the day. "Shocked" doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now. Instead I'll go with "Proud." Yup, I'm proud of that lasso twirling narcissist. He was calm, he didn't panic, he said what was on his mind and the rest of the alliance did all the hard work for him. And the best part is that in response to his plan panning out all our resident cowboy was give a lazy thumbs up punctuated with a knowing wink. Glorious! 

So, what do we think of the house flipping in the final hour? Will Zach ever realize just how close he came to going home? Will Nicole catch wind of it before the votes? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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  1. Thank god for your blog! Tuned into BBAD last night and had no idea what was going on, thought maybe DR was worried about losing the only person anyone likes besides Donny (the mastermind lol).Know you love your Beast Mode Cowboy but find it hard to believe an innocuous comment by him could trigger this upheaval. Whatever the reason glad Zach has a chance at staying, he is the only one worth watching just for the crazy alone. Won't miss Jocasta's preaching and praying one bit! Does anyone else find Frankie as pervy and creepy as Spencer, pawing all over those poor guys and his sexual comments YUCK!! Glad your back, hope there's enough drama to keep you interested enough to blog, missed you.

    1. Yes, yes and yes! And as pervy as Frankie was, now that he has begun his nightly bathing ritual with bubble bath and his little sister's framed photographs, he has topped himself and entered a "No one will be able to compete with me everrrrr" land previously occupied by only Hannibal Lecter and Ed Gein. (Cody's eyes often slide into creepyland as well--wonder what he is hiding?)

  2. Am I the first comment? Yee Haw! I have been thinking about the fact that they were making a BIG mistake by voting out Zach and giving the numbers to the other side. My, how everything changes minute by minute. Zach's mom tweeted something the other day about there being no hope for Zach to stay and thanking everyone for being a Zach Attack fan. Like I said, sh*t changes minute by minute.

  3. I'm so glad that Beast Mode Cowboy finally did some thinking about the game & not about Amber. ** clap clap clap ** & now we can seem action in the house.

    If they were to vote out Hayden in tonight's DE, Nicole is going to flip a lid !! After that, maybe we can get some yumminess going on with this boring group of people.
    I also hope they spare Donny.

  4. It was delicious that watching them admit, begrudginglu, that BeastMode had said something logical. I think Derrick wanted to protect zach, but had lost popular support with cody and Christine being the cackling hens they are. Once our beautiful cowboy got wind of this last night, after talking with derrick about bashing zachs teeth in if he talking to his daughter like that, Caleb just couldn't process being unloyal. He seems to be the most loyal player to play this game especially in this house of fake alliances and backstabbing. If Zach does eventually go home, I'll be team beastmode douchebag till the end.

  5. Pussy and Dickless (which are kinda the same thing) just cut off their own balls. To show how far these people have gone down the rabbit hole, their listening to Caleb, I rest my case. Trusting Fakie and Ratine is a BIG mistake. Having said that YEAH Zach is staying!

  6. Sad to say, but Caleb had the right perspective. Unfortunately the ladies tend to think about the people in the house, and not about numbers, so I am pretty sure they won't stumble upon the plan I am about to outline here. Numbers is the only way that Nicole and Christine can save themselves now (they are now co-HOH). Unfortunately, they tend to talk about individuals and not look at the numbers. If they blow it, the game is set for at least 2 weeks until one of the jurors comes back in on 21 August.
    Here's the gist of it. If, after nominations today, they haven't nominated 4 "strong guys"... their game is over. They need to nominate 4 guys.. say Cody, Derrick, Zach and Caleb. Two of them will come off the block in the BOB. Then 1 more may come off in the POV. The remaining HOH has to put up Frankie. The 3 guys not on the block will vote to keep 1 friend and submarine the other. The HOH that was "dethroned" plus Donny and Victoria vote the other way (someone needs to explain this clearly to Victoria and Donny). (Or, heck, they could all vote the same way and the problem is over). But if it is a 3-3 tie, Nicole or Christine breaks the tie, and they have set themselves up to survive much longer. If it goes any other way, it's over for the two of them and Donny and Victoria. Today's nominations determine if this will be a bore-fest for the rest of the season, or get interesting. (Again - aside from what the juror coming back into the house in 2 weeks might do).

  7. Zach is back!!

  8. Although I detest tiny feet Caleb he did make a reasonable move.
    I am so upset about Hayden leaving and mad as hell I won't see him unless he comes back.
    Somebody please wake up bobbel head Nicole so she gets the wicked bb witch out before she eats Cody.

  9. R.I.P. Big Brother concept of yore. In comes Golden Cash Cow Frandy with his celeb sidekick The Beeebs! Influence, bribery of a meet-and-greet w/the rich & famous in Hollyweird has taken over. Add to that 1.5 followers on social media. Strike any chance of "America's Favorite" & 25k. Why the cry of Allison Grodner needs to go? Obvi. Can't take Frandy's smug glee any longer. Must pick up a good summer book to occupy my wee morning hrs.!

  10. Are you quiting the blog?
    I didn't start reading your blog until last season but I was so impressed by your hilarious recaps I was shocked to see you weren't snatched up by Entertainment Weekly or something along those lines. I was so entertained by your BB15 blogs that I read all your old ones. Needless to say I couldn't wait for this season. I'm so incredibly sad that you've given up. I remember that you hated HATED BB12 and BB13 and you still blogged totally trashing everyone. It was hilarious!
    I'm a full time nursing student with a full time job who barely has time to catch the CBS broadcast let alone watch the live feeds. I relay on super talented people like you to keep me updates on a show I love and literally grew up watching. Are you quiting the blog?
    I didn't start reading your blog until last season but I was so impressed by your hilarious recaps I was shocked to see you weren't snatched up by Entertainment Weekly or something along those lines. I was so entertained by your BB15 blogs that I read all your old ones. Needless to say I couldn't wait for this season. I'm so incredibly sad that you've given up. I remember that you hated HATED BB12 and BB13 and you stilled blogged totally trashing everyone.
    I'm a full time nursing student with a full time job who can't find the time to watch the CBS show half the time let alone the feeds. I need talented people like you to update me on a show I love and literally grew up with. I'm in love with the drama and I want these people held out for ridicule. I want them judged and held accountable for their bullshit. I want to see all the strategy and game play not just what CBS wants to show me.
    No one can do this like you. You have fans who don't want to see this end. I know you can make these idiots entertaining.
    Before you decide to quit think about your fans and why you blog BB.
    I want to be an ER nurse because I live for the drama. I can't just walk out on a slow day because I'm bored.
    We love you. Don't leave us.

  11. Honey, while I agree with your sentiments please check your posts before putting them out there, your repetition drove me crazy. Also, do the nursing profession a favor and learn how to spell. It's "rely" not "relay" and I don't even know what to make of "stilled blogged". I'm an ER nurse too and if you came in as a new hire, trust me, we'd make fun of you for sounding stupid. Otherwise, your points were valid, but if Lala decides there's nothing interesting to blog about, well, it is her blog and she can do as she pleases, even though it is disappointing.

  12. Cody-paid to go to parties to dance with older women.husbands tell him to stay away from their wives.when getting hired referred to as the pretty white boy.comfortable cuddling with unattractive women(Christine).underwear model?
    Pussy is really Deuce Bigelow-Man Whore

  13. I gave up on this season of Big Brother after the first week! The cast is way toooooo young and totally BORING!

  14. Looks like Lala has quit on this season too...oh well, with Zach now gone, it's going to remain boring!!

  15. I agree with all above...Lala is one of the best parts of the BB season and I hope it's just that this season is "Big Baby" not Big Brother like Nicole said!

  16. I keep coming back everyday hoping against all odds that you will have posted something new. I don't blame you for quitting this Season. I just wish I would have had the foresight that you did weeks ago and quit too. I feel like I wasted too much time on this disaster. I'm still holding out hope that perhaps you will leave an eulogy at the end. I miss your wit and you know the saying, misery loves company. I miss your company too. KimG

  17. Add my voice to everyone that misses Bitchy's blog posts! I do hope you'll reconsider as lately there has been much to bitch about in the house! From Frankie's lesbian comments, to his self centered attitude, to getting more stipend than the other houseguests and the obvious help in the DR...Then there is clueless Caleb and delusions and lies, Stupid Cody, Ignorant Veronica and the puppet master Derrick and the hubbub over his hoh photo that he took to the DR and MADE them take back (suspicion is it was Derrick in uniform or Derrick's partner in uniform holding Derrick's daughter...