Monday, July 25, 2011

Holding Out For A Hero


Through the vacuous wasteland that is Big Brother 13 a hero begins to emerge. A spindly crotchety exhaust pipe of a woman who speaks in bumper stickers and positive affirmations. She'll ride over the prairie with a rifle in her teeth and kill an antelope with one arm tied behind her back. She'll sell you the rights to hunt in the Congo, teach you how to fly-fish in Montana and, after all is said and done, she'll ride home, wash your linens, Swiffer your kitchen, freshen up the tile grout and cook you a hearty meal. She's not a supermodel and she's not a young whipper snipper, but she's got a Meg Ryan coif and a mean smokin' habit. It's Shelly! Shelly. She's been here all along yet we've sort of let her slip through our fingers. No more! I'm scooping her up and placing her on my mantel - bony knees and all. Husky words of wisdom have never done a girl wrong. Let's recap, shall we?

So apparently, over the weekend the proverbial shiteth hath hiteth the faneth. Adam & Dominic are on the block, Dominic is the target and Daniele is one very pissed off quitter's daughter. You see, Daniele claimed from the moment she got that first Golden Key that she'd be working the entire house in an effort to prepare her for the upcoming week we find ourselves facing. The fact of the matter is, she didn't really do that. Instead she slept a lot, made a boy band member for a friend and called everything and everyone "stupid". 3 weeks! This girl had 3 weeks to become everyone's best friend and what does she have to show for it? A 25 year old virgin. That's what. And now, at this most pivotal moment in time, that virgin of hers just might walk out the door. Dominic may be Rachel's target, but Daniele has another one in mind... Jeff.

My thoughts on this are eleventyfold. First, I think Daniele hates the fact that Jeff is loved by America. Oh sure, the idea that "Jeff could win America's Choice in the future" has come up, but I think it's much simpler than that. To the CBS show only viewing public, Daniele is a second rate spoiled brat while Jeff is the golden Sun God. Daniele's not stupid. She knows this. I think there's a touch of the resentment when it comes to one Mr. Jeff Schroeder. And, to be quite honest, I totally get it. I would be furious if I found myself competing against CBS's golden child. There's no way to emerge from his giant shadow - especially if you don't have a slow-witted sidekick of your own to boss around. Jealousy is primal. It's not all that easy to shake and it can make you do some dumb ass things - just look at Rachel. Secondly, Dominic is the only bitch Daniele has successfully wrangled. If she loses him at this stage of the game without a back-up bitch waiting in the wings, she's in serious trouble if the couples stay intact.

I've been for splitting up the couples since day one. They're ruining the game. They're hogging the air time. They're annoying to watch. And, let's face it, watching one of them ripped from the other's arms would be pretty funny. So, even though it's not going to happen, I would love for Rachel to backdoor Jeff. Jeff and Jordan made a huge mistake not splitting up Brenchel when they had the chance. Those are two people anyone should want out of the game as soon as is humanly possible. Not only because they're nauseating, but because they win... a lot.



So let's get to yesterday. The day began with an inflated ego. A douchey, incessant, spears for side burns ego. It's Brendon and he's bringing Adam back into the fold. Adam is a windy fart of a player. He blows wherever the power goes and then just hangs out and stinks. He does nothing, he says nothing, he contributes nothing and, in all honesty, I think the intensity of the game is far more than this superfan ever bargained for. He may be a student of the game, but he's an ineffective lump of a player. His alliances are nil. His strategy is nonexistent. All he does is sit around and loaf. He's a big hairy buttered loaf of bread is what he is. Anyhow, he wants back in with Brendon & Rachel. They're in power - why not?! Brendon is willing to take him back, but only if he promises eternal loyalty and trust. Apparently, loyalty and trust are the tenets by which Brendon plays the game and they're what make Brendon & Rachel "elegant" players as opposed to ratty everyday players. I shit you not. Brendon said that the way he and Rachel evict people is "elegant". Elegant! Yes, Cassi going home because your girlfriend is a hideous hosebeast just reeks of class. Whatevs. *makes a 'W' with fingers* Adam accepts the terms of the agreement, hands his bloodied doughy soul over to Brendon and then trots back to the corner from whence he came. An alliance, for the time being, is born. You and I both know that the second the other side of the house gains power, Adam is hoofing it back over there. That's just what he does.



This brings us to my new favorite person: Shelly. Shelly and Rachel are having a chat and Rachel wants to know if Shelly & Cassi tried to backdoor her and Brendon. Shelly tells her that, yes, Cassi did try, but only because she was trying to stay in the game. The conversation turns to Jeff & Jordan and here's where Shelly shines. She tells Rachel that Jordan is not all that different from her. They both try to protect their men and they're both feisty. Rachel giggles at the compliment and begins to feel her self confidence grow. Now that Shelly's got Rachel nice and happy, this is where she makes her move. She then tells Rachel that Lawon was thrilled that he wasn't picked to play POV and ran straight to Kalia to express how happy he was that they get to coast for another week. She goes from gaining Rachel's trust to planting seeds about other targets. That's how Shelly works. Watch her. It's not just ass kissing. I'm willing to argue that it's all premeditated. She knows all these young gals are insecure and she knows the way to make them feel tremendous is to thickly lay on the compliments. Her straight shooting, "tough as nails yet genuine" mom thing she's got going on works in her favor. Shelly is believable. She's not someone you'd instinctively doubt. She's someone you believe. She's your mom. She's your guidance counselor. She's your life coach. She's Shelly dammit and she's playing the best social game in the house. The difference between her and Jordan is that Jordan's social game isn't a plan. It isn't strategy. It's just a simpleton being a simpleton and it works for her. Shit, it got her $500,000, but it isn't game play. It's fortunate happenstance is all. On the other hand, Shelly is crafty. She's working for her money.



Brendon and Jeff head up to the HOH where Brendon is going to fill Jeff in on everything that's been going on for the past two days. Brendon flat out tells Jeff that Daniele wants him gone. She's been in their ear for several days now and has been planting seeds of doubt about Jeff & Jordan all weekend long. Brendon tells Jeff that Daniele wants to eliminate Jeff & Jordan and bring Dominic in with herself, Brendon and Rachel. Brenchel were never really comfortable with the plan because they always had this nagging feeling that Dominic would take them out the second he won HOH. The more Daniele talked to Brenchel about getting rid of Jeff & Jordan, the more Brendon began to wise up to what she's really up to. Her mission is to split up the couples now so it's easier for her to make it to the end later. Her only mistake was not anticipating that Brendon & Rachel and Jeff & Jordan would actually get together and exchange notes. She underestimated the flow of communication between the couples and the now she's in a heap of trouble.



Jeff appreciates the intel and confesses that he always thought it was weird how Daniele would automatically leave every room he entered. As soon as she sees Jeff, she scurries away as fast as she can. Brendon tells Jeff that Daniele probably does that out of guilt for what she's trying to do to him. I'm not sure I believe that. I think Daniele is a little too heartless to feel guilty about someone like Jeff. I think she's just trying to make herself unavailable. Out of sight, out of mind.



Rachel and her nipples enter and Brendon tells Jeff that he doesn't want to be offensive, but Jordan sometimes tends to let things slip out. They have another one of their caveman talks where the girls aren't allowed to talk game alone with anyone while Rachel sits idly by and picks the nits out of her hair. Rachel says that she just talked to Daniele at the pool where she agreed with everything Daniele was saying so as not to rouse suspicion. Rachel confims to Jeff that Daniele indeed wants to backdoor him. She also wants to get rid of Shelly next, but keep Jordan around for a while so she can be the pawn like she was in BB11. Jeff & Brendon say they should all take naps so they can stay up late and keep the late night crew (newbies + Daniele) from any further scheming.



Down in the Have-Not room, Daniele is trying to feel out and incriminate Shelly. She tries over and over again to get Shelly to say something bad about Brendon & Rachel, but Shelly doesn't fall for it. She says they play to win and she can't disrespect that. Daniele tells her that the Oldies aren't even there to play. She says they just want to have a fun summer and hang out. I have no idea what Daniele is talking about. The Oldies have been playing from day one whereas the Newbies have been floundering around aimlessly. Daniele switches gears and asks Shelly if she'd ever truly vote out Jeff & Jordan. Shelly says of course she would. They're wonderful people and she likes them a lot, but when push comes to shove she'll do what she needs to do. Shelly tells Daniele that she thinks Jeff & Jordan are just playing to get to Jury. She says that Daniele is set up perfectly to skate through to the end and then the bricklaying of the compliments begins. Daniele is a harder nut to crack though. She rolls her eyes and scoffs whenever someone says something nice to her. Shelly continues to weave her magical tapestry and the conversation ends with a tentative future alliance. They'll wait and see how this next week plays out and reconvene at a later date to see if a partnership would benefit them. Is Daniele preparing for the loss of Dominic? *shrugs shoulders* Possibly. Does Shelly already know what Daniele is up to? Absolutely.



Jeff then takes Jordan into the Storage Room and fills her in on Daniele's plan to get rid of him and keep Jordan around as a pawn. Jordan is shocked and stunned. She can't believe that Daniele would try to split up the couples up this early in the game and that everyone thinks she's so useless in the game. Jeff cautions Jordan not to let on to Daniele that she knows what's going on. In the meantime, she's to keep talking to Daniele like normal and continue to blame everything on Dominic like she's been doing. Jordan remarks that Daniele is so sneaky. "She's always been sneaky."




This brings us to about the time the CBS show was airing. Brendon was plucking his nose hairs while Daniele was realizing that all of her gum flapping has been in vain. While working out, Rachel tells Daniele that Brendon probably won't use the POV and that Dominic most likely doesn't have the votes to stay. Daniele tells Rachel she's furious. She tries to use the fact that Brendon & Rachel told her to be friends with Dominic as a way to make them feel guilty. She's trying to act like a martyr who's been doing Brenchel's bidding all along. The truth of the matter is, Daniele had Dominic way before Brenchel wanted her to get close to him. Daniele has been working Dominic since week one. It's not Brendon's fault and it's not Rachel's fault. It's Daniele's fault she wasted 3 weeks on one person who's about to go home. She should have known better than to pitch breaking up Jeff & Jordan as a way to keep Dominic. Had Daniele been wise, she would have tried to keep Cassi last week and pitched for a Brenchel backdoor. Cassi could've been an ally, but now she's bye bye. A lot of people have made a lot of mistakes in the game, but I think Daniele has made the most - which is sort of alarming considering she's been safe all along. She had a free ride and she blew it. She's going to need to build up an army and win this next, very crucial, HOH because the second another one of the Oldies wins, Daniele is history.



In the meantime, I'm keeping my eye on Shelly. I like what she's doing and I think she's far more crafty than people give her credit for. I'm dying to see how she does in an endurance comp. Until then, look for Brendon to not use the POV, the votes to possibly be 4-4 and Dominic to go home. Since hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, this Thursday should be insane in the membrane. Things are finally heating up and the Oldies are fractured. It's about freaking time! My apologies in advance, but there will not be a blog tomorrow. I'll be back on Wednesday. In the meantime, comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Watch Big Brother 13 on SuperPass!

23 comments:

  1. I loved the way you described Shelly in the first paragraph. Poetry. I'm not sure I can get behind her though. She's just so boring. They all are. I'm almost on the verge of rooting for Rachel (without Brendon) because she's the only one that seems to realize that she's playing a game on TELEVISION.

    *Deep breath* It's only the third week. A lot can change....

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  2. "Big, hairy buttered loaf of bread"-perfection. Can't stand Shelly though, she's one of those HGs that always end up spouting how much integrity they have. If Dani wins HOH she'll get back into the fold by letting BRJJ decide who they want to put up, then as soon as they get it themselves she's gone.

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  3. Shelly reminds me of the Welcome Wagon lady who stops by with a fruit basket and stays to fill you in on all the dirt in the neighborhood... too much information ... and I can't stand that kind of person.

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  4. When I figured out where Shelly worked, and read her CV, I knew I was backing the right gal.

    In my opinion, she is not a floater in the least. She's a slowly-circling shark amid a big ball of little bits of bait and I'm excited for the moment she finally strikes.

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  5. Man,... This is sure turnin' out to be a real bummer season! Somethin' needs to happen to shake things up, big-time!

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  6. I question whether Jeff is still "America's golden Sun God". IMO, that image was tarnished before his recent homophobic rant. The show covered it up, but it was all over the web. Brenchel's attempt to change their image has been amusing to watch. Last night, while Brendon was crying, Rachel had a "What the hell have I gotten myself into.?" look on her face. I give their marriage 6 months, if they even make it to the altar. I liked Cassi and was sorry to see her go. Not a fan of any of the remaining players.

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  7. I have always liked Shelly. You are right, it is just "simple talk" but with design, thought and a foundation. Love how she compliments those who thrive on that sort of thing and I think she is smart. She's good and I see her going a long ways. I also look forward to an endurance comp for her. Let's hope her age doesn't backdoor her. I would put her before Jeff in America's player/favorite although she did dirty her hands some with the first vote.
    Great blog as always and I too liked the hairy buttered loaf of bread. LOL too funny!

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  8. Not that I actually want to watch the BR show, but why was B crying?

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  9. Shelly watches Fox News only and agreed with Jeff's rant, IIRC. Can't get hind someone like that.

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  10. Shelly is doing fantastic. I wish the general public would give newbies like her a chance and stop praising the oldies for no good reason.

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  11. Can't stand Shelly. She started off really well, but now her game is crumbling just as fast as dani's. She runs her mouth too much, people are starting to pay attention to her empty compliments.

    She let Kalia and Rachel catch her listening to them in the storage room, when they really weren't talking about anything. Of course she went right back to Jordan to share the Non-news. It makes her look like a idiot.

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  12. Rachel needs to make up her pimple covered mind. She barks "I hate floaters" then wants to bitch about beady eyed.... cromagnon faced Dani. At least bitch is Playing the game. I love smelly the friendly neighborhood tyranny trucker,purely based on social game. Financialy I don't think she is really needy. Did anyone see her beige Mcmansion when they did intros? And her kid is in private school.

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  13. Thanks a lot for the great recap. I couldn't bring myself to read the updates after... you know who, won the HOH. So thanks for the detailed explanations. I didn't like Shelly at first. Voting out Keith, lying to Cassi, then feeling bad about it was annoying me. But who knows, maybe those tears were fake. Maybe Shelly never cared about Cassi. Maybe Shelly is as heartless as Dr. Will. Maybe she doesn't even have a kid or husband??? Either way, she's a great mind player, but she's too damn nice and no one will want her next to them at the end. I really don't think Dani could have gotten Jordan to backdoor Rachel and Brendon either. Jordan has it in her head it's way too early, which she might be saying even when there's 4 people left. It's funny once again Rachel proves she has no idea or cares what a floater is. Getting rid of Dom, a strong player and keeping Adam, an actual floater just proves she's is and always will be full of shit.

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  14. For the first time, I actually felt a kinship with Yugo. I too thought the celebrity guest would be Michael Jackson.

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  15. Oh shit. I didn't know Shelly only watches FOX news. Okay, that's a bitch. I would flip my eyes out of their sockets and shove them up next to my eardrums if I had to watch FOX "news".
    And I wonder if Brandon will be even a little embarrassed after he watches this season. Count the times he calls someone dumb or stupid and even a "rocket scientist" can't count that far.

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  16. While I may not agree with Shelly's political affiliation, I made the very conscious decision to leave it out of my evaluation of her game play. Politics are too divisive. It makes things messy.

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  17. Shelly---- oh Shelly! She is a very subtle manipulator that is using her business savvy in a very different way. If you are able to schmooze other cultures, then how difficult is BB? I think she does care about Cassie... but she is going for results. That is in her blood. I'm so impressed! She is adjusting to the house's personality in order to relate at THEIR level. The one concern I have is Shelly letting others realize just HOW smart she actually is. I think she is cleaning and doing stuff because she is bored and is a Type A personality that is used to getting business done. What else is there to do in BB to accomplish tasks other than to clean? I totally get her.

    Go Shelly!

    I hope that Cassie comes back in with "I'm back BITCH" and then the game is ON!!!!! (with Shelly too). Remember... never burn bridges! As much as Shelly smokes, she is careful to not light a fire (so to speak).

    Another note. Jeff and Jordan would have done well to get rid of Brenchel in a way (how often do you get the opportunity VS keeping a target in the house). However, Brenchel needs JeJo more and that would be stupid to act now. Dani... I'm so sad that she is failing by playing so HARD so fast. She was my front runner, but now she needs to watch herself.

    I'm verbose... and I'm outta here. Great blog as ALWAYS Colette!

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  18. I too most likely don't agree with Shelly's politics, but politics seems so far removed from the bb house. I'm sure each person in that house could single-handedly solve the debt crisis, but dammit, they have more important things to do. on the other hand, a rousing game of "big booty" might be just the ice-breaker our congress and administration need. see? we can all learn from each other if we keep an open mind.

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  19. Your a better person than I lala.

    Sorry for not commenting, tweeting you (i know that disappointing you the most) or posting on the network. I have to keep somewhat of a lower profile.

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  20. Without Daddy Dick holding her hand, Dani has been exposed as the lucky trollop she always was, and well.. Her luck is running out! Aside from any CBS shennanigans, I don't foresee any way Dani will make it to the finals now. She's burned her candle at both ends, and even though it is only week 3, I can't see even a masterful player being able to turn that boat around. It's funny that all signs point to Porche now having a better chance at final two than Dani! Wouldn't that just make you jump for joy Lala? Porche and Jordan in the finals? Jeff with America's favorite? Oh oh.. And how about Jesse as a pandora's box again? lol

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  21. My problem is that I find it hard to care about any of these people. Adam tells Brendon he hates people like Kalia and Lawon because "they haven't done anything" to stay in the house. As if Adam has. I don't find any of them interesting at all and as each day passes the vision of Big Red and Idiot boy staying in the house gets stronger because these people are just not using their heads and can not compete with the vets.

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  22. Yeah, Shelly's game is crumbling, everyone sees how she lurks around and then runs to the vets with her worthless tidbits. She's a weasel. Adam's Tori Spelling fixation is not cool and eccentric, it's stupid. Also, I know politics are divisive issues to discuss, but Shelly is an idiot if she gets her news from Fox. Not surprising though.

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  23. Shelly's political stance is one I can't get behind. I try to ignore that though, and respect her as a game player. Now that the numbers are starting to dwindle, she needs to watch who she talks to and what she says, or she's going to get herself in a shitload of trouble.

    I think without Dick, Dani is screwed. She's just not a good game player. She put all her eggs in one basket, and right now, Brenchel are ready to crush all the tiny baby chicks inside them. Rachel will probably eat them, bones and all, cuz that's what type of crazy, ruthless bitch she is.

    I haven't been able to stand to watch the feeds since Rachel won HOH again. Sigh. From what I hear, it sounds like Dom is screwed.

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