Monday, July 16, 2012

The Dance Of The Two Hankies

 The Dance Of The Seven Veils. A mystical interpretative expression of the tale of the execution of John The Baptist. In Salome, Rita Hayworth taunted us with her slow striptease version of the dance. In "Mandinka", Sinead O'Connor sang "I'm dancing the seven veils/Want you to pick up my scarf/See how the black moon fades/Soon I can give you my heart." Throughout history the seven veils have taunted and teased. Salome, the timeless symbol of dangerous female seductiveness, gave birth to the femme fatales we know and love today with her slithering pleading for the head of John. She writhed and tempted, flung sheets of silk hither and thither, but not even Salome could be prepared for the 2012 version: The Dance Of The Two Hankies. Herky jerky arm flails coupled with buoyant leaps as only Glitter Wil can perform. Let's recap, shall we?

It's the day of the POV ceremony and the house is filled with pre-ceremony jitters. Boogie stands alone in the filthy kitchen angry that his boy Frank is on the block, angry that he's probably not coming off, and angry at the ant colony that has taken over. He's had enough. Enough! Ian leaves his dishes everywhere like his mommy is going to come clean up after him. Britney makes cookies every night and leaves the pans lying around. Dishes, pans, bowls, caked cutlery... all invitations for the ant people to come and declare this kitchen as their own. Joe looks on in disdain. Hell, he might even nominate someone in the future based on cleanliness alone. Hang on there Chef Joe, wasn't it you I saw on the CBS show last night whipping up crazy concoctions and expecting the nonexistent busboys to clear it all away? Anyhow, Boogie is angry and looking for a fight. He's looking to get everyone riled up because he has nothing to lose. What's the house gonna do, evict him? They can't!

After Boogie throws his mini temper tantrum, Joe and Wil are in the Storage Room and Joe is about to flip the entire house upside down. He tells Wil that Jenn and Frank approached him last night wanting an alliance. They're gunning for Shane and Willie and want Joe to join forces with them. Apparently, Jenn also told him that Boogie is killing her game. It's clear that Britney and Janelle are after Boogie who is sort of a joke of a coach because he can't even control that spaz Ian. Wil marinates on this new development and tells Joe that they need to tell Willie everything. Joe agrees and says he doesn't want to get caught keeping secrets from his alliance.

Wil tells Joe that he thinks Frank and Willie have an agreement together. Joe agrees and worries that Frank is going to stab Willie in the back. He thinks they should go to Janelle before the POV ceremony starts. Wil replies, "We should just go tell Willie. It's not the Coaches' game." *whispers "Revolution"*

Let me interject here with this: no one, AND I MEAN NO ONE, can confirm whether or not what Joe is saying is true. There are rumors he fabricated the entire conversation with Frank and there are rumors he's only mildly exaggerating the conversation. I wasn't watching the feeds when the Frank/Jenn/Joe conversation took place and apparently the viewers that were around were gnawing on their brain matter at the time. So, it's a big mystery as to whether or not Joe is outright lying. If he is, good for him! I love it when players lie to mess with the others players' minds. If he's not making it up, then Willie could really screw up his game putting his faith in Frank.

Joe hurries up to the HOH room in search of Janelle. He finds her in the bathroom and regales with the tale of Frank's plans to get rid of Willie and Shane. Janelle is stunned. Stunned! She tells Joe that they need to tell Willie immediately. Then, the feeds go down for the POV Ceremony. Gah! Did Janelle reach Willie in time?

When the feeds return, we discover that Shane did not use the POV. The nominations remain the same and Frank and Kara are still on the block. 

Up in the HOH room, Willie is holding court with his bitches (Britney, JoJo, Shane, Janelle). Britney says that Boogie doesn't care about Frank at all. He just wants to get Dan out of the game. Britney and Janelle are adamant that Willie cannot trust Frank. Willie mulls all of this new information over and thinks he needs to sit down with Kara again to pick her brain. He needs to get rid of her at some point, but maybe he can work with her for the time being. Britney says that later on down the road it'll be easier to get rid of players like Kara and Danielle whereas Frank might be a little more difficult. Boogie could win the Coaches' Comp again and again and keep saving Frank.

Next week's HOH competition is incredibly important and it's making Willie nervous. Britney says she'll meet with Kara too and start building a friendship with her so she doesn't put up a member of her or Janelle's team were she to win HOH. Willie says that over the next 3 weeks Ian, Jenn, and Kara need to go. Danielle can stick around for a while because she's lame (No! I want Dan gone!). The group then discuss how cool Joe is and how he's definitely down for their cause. He has only their safety in mind which comforts Willie and his bitches.

Willie makes good on his promise to feel out Kara and the two meet in the HOH to discuss where they both stand. Kara assures Wilie that if she wins HOH next week she'll put Ian and Jenn on the block. Kara is especially scared of Ian. Willie is pleased to hear this and replies, "That would be excellent." Only he did it with a drawl and a giggle. Can we talk about Willie's laugh for a moment? How cute is it? Come on! It's like a high pitched tinkle on the wind. His little stocky body jiggles in tandem with his giggles and you just kind of put your arms up under your chin and sigh. Not in a "Willie is hot" kind of way, but in an "Awww I want to be his friend" kind of a way. When Willie laughs, the world laughs.

The conversation continues and Willie wants to know that if he ends up on the block next week, would Kara vote to save him? Kara says yes. Willie tells her that now it's looking pretty good for her to stay in the house this week. He leaves her with one warning though - "Don't go runnin' your mouth. Keep it low." Willie's biggest fear is all of the people he's confided in running wild around the house telling each other his secrets. Like I said on the last Big Brother Gossip Show, I'm worried for Willie when it comes to his mouth. He tells everyone who he's targeting and he's always dropping different names. All he needs is for someone to tell one of his targets about his plans and he's screwed. If anyone needs to start keeping it low, it's Willie.

Now, we never really see too much of Boogie advising Frank but we did catch a nauseating nugget yesterday. In a quick drive by meeting, Boogie tells Frank he needs to meet up with Willie and Shane to solidify, wait for it... The Brigade 2.0. *stabs face with a hot poker* Here's what's interesting though - Frank is one of those Revolution Resistance people who doesn't like his Coach. If it's true that he wants to go after Willie and Shane (which makes sense because after last night's show Willie totally stabbed Frank in the back), Boogie has no knowledge of it. Boogie is a lazy Coach who once in a while points in a direction and mumbles, "Yeah, go join them. Got any ointment?"

Speaking of Boogie, earlier in the day (or maybe the night before?) he asked Kara out on a date. Kara was grossed out by it and has no intentions of being alone anywhere with Boogie. As soon as Janelle hears the news, she begins another one of her Boogie obsessed tirades. I think Janelle would like us to think she's standing up for womankind, but I'm guessing she's secretly attracted to Boogie. Why else is she so obsessed with him? Someone in the house could say, "Boogie went outside to sit in the sun." and Janelle will reply with a two hour recap of his game play in season 7 which is exactly what happened yesterday. Kara brings up the date thing and Janelle goes on and on warning her that that is how Boogie operates. He finds a naive girl, sleeps in her bed with her, and then has her take him to the end. It's probably true, but Janelle is just so whiny about it. It's definitely a point of contention for her because she just won't let it go.

While talking with Kara and Danielle about Boogie, Danielle does what Danielle does best and turns the conversation around to focus on her. She mumbles, "I think Shane is cute." Kara and Janelle kind of ignore her and begin to discuss how Ian thinks he was cast as a villain. Kara thinks he's harmless, but Danielle saw him snap at Ashley the other day and think he's a festering pool of evil. Then, of course, she brings up Shane again. Here's the thing, Danielle pretty much came on Big Brother to find a husband. She's one of those nauseating home viewers enraptured by Jeff and Jordan and Brendon and Rachel. At home she spends night after night studying The Rules (remember that awful book from the 90's that told us all to stop sleeping around - horrifying!) and making wedding dioramas. She's already registered at Crate & Barrel just in case.

After Janelle manages to escape from Danielle she heads up to the HOH for a little meeting with Wil and Willie. Willie thinks it's weird that Boogie won't talk to him. Janelle tells him that he talks to Shane because he thinks he can recruit Shane, not Willie. Willie then declares that if anyone leaves their big alliance, they're done! It'll be a Big Brother suicide if they defect and join Boogie or Dan.

Janelle and Wil then start scheming about what would happen if Willie had to break a tie on Thursday. Janelle is insistent that Willie makes a big asshole speech before evicting Frank. She wants Boogie humiliated on live TV. Plus, she thinks he'll lose his shit and not be able to focus on pumping up his team for the next HOH competition. Janelle then leaps out of her chair and starts waving her arms all around, "It will make such good TV! You could say that since Frank was working with Booger, he has to go home. It will be such great TV!" At home I watched and wondered if she was drunk again. She was wild eyed and slurring her words. Unless she hid some beer cans in her bikini, I think it might have been a manic spurt coupled with her lip injections that made her crazed and incoherent. 

Meanwhile, downstairs, Danielle is positively gooey over Shane. She tells him how much she likes to flirt with him and at home we all kind of cringed and looked away. Danielle is worried that if her best good friend Kara goes home this week, the house will target her next so they can get rid of Dan. Shane tells her that if Dan goes home, Danielle can still play to win the $500,000. Errr, what? Methinks someone has been eating puka shells for breakfast. If Dan goes home, it means that Danielle went home too you dumb ass!

So Shane isn't attracted to Danielle at all. Maybe it's her pudding face or her screechy voice. I have no idea. You know who else doesn't care for Danielle? JoJo! Gold digging delicious JoJo. She hates Danielle. She hates her voice, she hates her face, she hates her body, she hates her boy legs, she hates everything about her! It's like she's reading my thoughts. In a sexy bubble bath with Janelle, JoJo muses that she might start flirting with Shane just to piss of Danielle. Yes! Oh my god, can you imagine? Danielle would go apeshit.

JoJo clarifies that she wouldn't necessarily hook up with Shane in the house but she'll totally do him at the BB after party. You listen to me JoJo - you WILL seduce Shane in the house and you'll do it so Danielle walks in and starts smashing the flatware. She'll claim the devil possessed her and it will be awesome.

(Janelle and her Peggy Hill feet)

The talk then turns to game. JoJo confides in Janelle that her two favorites in the house are Wil and Ashley. Janelle advises her to take Ashley to the final two because a woman has never won Big Brother going up against a man at the end.

This brings us to the time when the CBS show aired. I was trying to focus on the show, but there was a giant meeting going on in the HOH room. Since I had the feeds on mute, all I could see was the big alliance having a meeting and passing around a golden apple when it was their turn to talk. AbFab fans will note the talking stick episode entitled 'The End' when Edina tries to find herself in a new age retreat...
"You haven't got the stick."
"Well give me the stick. How much IS the stick? I'll buy my own stick. Give it to me!"
Since the big alliance was passing around a golden apple and "Big Alliance" is a dumb ass name, let's call them The Golden Apples.

So, The Golden Apples are up in the HOH and they make a monumental pact. The agreement is that none of them will vote each other out until the rest of the house is gone. Willie says he's never been playing this game for himself, he's always been playing for the apples and he'll beat that Abby Lee Miller come hell or high water. Janelle nods and tells them they all need to keep it together because poor stressed out Willie is falling apart. Willie shouts, "I am falling apart!" And then everyone giggled and climbed into a giant orgy. It's the day after and they still can't find that apple. Orifice check!

A couple of hours later we have a stupid dumb ass date between Ian and Ashley. Ian asked her out on a slop date and I loathe him even more now. Here's what, Ian is a show boater. Everything he does, all of his weirdo creepy slithering is to get more air time, more feed time, more coverage, etc. I hate that. I really do. Don't think that asking Ashley on a date for precisely when Showtime is airing After Dark was coincidence. He's a camera whore. Plain and simple.

So the two have a stupid date with Chef Joe preparing succulent slop creations. Ian talks about his chemistry studies and Ashley inquires about what exactly is organic chemistry. Is it like the organic fruit you get at the grocery store? No, organic chemistry is about carbon based chemistry. Ashley says when she thinks of carbon, she thinks of beds. (???) Ian tells her that carbon is everywhere - in our bodies, in graphite, etc. Ashley asks, "So are we made of graphite?" Yes Ashley, we are all graphite. When you write with a pencil, you are really WRITING WITH PEOPLE!!!

I fell asleep pretty early last night, but when I woke up at the butt crack of dawn I saw that JoJo had climbed into bed with Willie to talk a little game. She wants Kara to stay, but for some reason Willie is now eeking back over to keeping Frank. *throws hands up in the air* Willie! He wants Kara to go this week, Ian to go next week, and then Frank after that. After watching the CBS show last night, it's clear to me that Frank is going to target Willie. Willie went back on his word to Frank and why he can't realize that now is a mystery to me. Keeping Frank could be the worst move he makes in this game. I fully expect more flip flopping all the way up until the 11th hour on Thursday.

So, who do you think will end up going home on Thursday? Will JoJo drive Danielle into a homicidal rage? Does Shane understand how Big Brother works? Have you been writing with people all of your lives? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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  1. After 13 of these damn things, I'm thoroughly convinced that if my plane or boat crashed and I was stranded on a island with a bunch of folks, I'm be the first one kileld and eaten.

    These people are playing too hard and too dumb too early.

    You'd think married with children life, or in Boogie's case, baby daddy life, would have made the coaches smarter. Nope. I love Janelle. She and Will are my favorite players of all-time. But she's behaving like a fool.

    It's going to take me another week or two to figure out who I like and why. Thank the baby Jesus that Brenchel and dynamic dumbasses Jeff and Jordan aren't on this one.

  2. Somehow I feel that there will be multiple restraining orders post season...ahem..Ian
    Dude makes me want to take a shower with a shotgun in the corner just in case.
    Creeper deluxe!
    cheers, Sausage...

  3. Great Blog. I agree with almost all you said. I too have been thinking that the conversation between Joe, Jenn, and Frank could have actually happened. We hardly ever see Jenn on the feeds and only have 4 cameras, so it could be true. I would love it if Frank stays and gets out Russell-lite out before jury. Willie is sure to go by week 4 if he keeps it up.I would also love to see JoJo mess with Daniell'e head. Only thing I don't agree with is Dan. love Dan, he is one of my all time favs.I would like to see Kara go out this week, Ian next week, then Danielle goes out week 3. The time when Coaches are supposed to go in the game according to Jani and Brit. BUT, before Danielle and Dan walk out the door, Julie announces the twist, Dan stays and she goes. I would love to see Jani and Brit's faces.

  4. Great blog LaLa! I'm hoping Frank goes this week, ONLY because I completely expect Kara to be evicted. It would be a bold move, but I don't think these houseguests have it in them just yet....and then it will be too late.
    I adore Willie's laugh. Hearing it just puts me in a good mood.
    I really don't like Danielle. I think for all the reasons JoJo doesn't.....If I were in the house, I would do everything in my power to help Danielle lose her mind.

  5. "Janelle and her Peggy Hill feet" LMAO

  6. Ian is harmless. Weird, yes, but harmless. They need to keep him around and pick off stronger players. Then when the time is right, show him the door. Of course, I love Wil. I'm not impressed with the tatt'd chick (don't even know her name). I'm also not loving this Mentor stuff. But what'evs.

  7. Joe is not lying. i saw on the live feeds and that discussion where jenn, frank, and joe were chating in their bedroom and frank said he wanted to take out willie the first chance he got and this was right after willie had had a long talk with him (frank) about wanting to be his secret ally and not to tell anyone.

  8. I would be happy if they kept Chef Joe out of the diary room. His constant yelling makes my ears bleed.

    1. He doesn't scream on the feeds though. It's probably like how when I talk on my cell phone I talk louder than normal.

    2. Great blog today, Lala. As I've said before, I'm really lukewarm on Dan- he has been really friggin boring though. I agree with whoever said that Ian is weird but harmless. He does play it up for the cameras, which drives me crazy, but he won't hurt anyone.

      I think Jenn is lying low- when you have piercings and tats and such, you learn to do that b/c people often judge you right off and she probably doesn't want to give them another reason to dislike her. Unfortunately, I have found this to be true.

      Kara is boring as all hell, and as a viewer, I want Frank to stay- if they have half a brain, as players, they will get rid of him. He's more of a threat. Danielle can go the hell home too. I can't stand her.

      Boogie is a self-involved, manipulative douche- but that's why I like him.

  9. Lala, it seems to be common knowledge all over the internet that "Boogie " had Venereal Warts and that he also has Herpes which as far as I know stay with you forever, doesn't this put the whole household at risk and would CBS be culpable if any of the guests became infected? Dr Will is the person that on Doctor 90210 removed the warts and cautioned "Boogie " to slow down his promiscuous lifestyle and start using condoms to which " Boogie " supposedly said that he has earned the right to be promiscuous and has no intention of changing his ways. With only one bathroom it would appear that the risks can be pretty high, I think he should be removed immediately and the whole compound scrubbed down with Lysol.

    1. Is that true Lala? Does Mike have an std?

    2. I know he had genital warts because he had them removed on TV, but I have no idea about the herpes thing. I would think that anything contagious or dangerous wouldn't be allowed in the house. The HG's have a physical before going in.

  10. I want Frank to stay. I think the shit storm he'd unleash on the blonde and blonder-er alliance (with a glorious focus on willie) would be super amusing. Kara, though? I doubt she'd have a vindictive bone in her body over being nominated. She'd just be SO thankful to still be in the game, she wouldn't want to make a peep, lest she rattle any cages.

    However, Boogie is MUCH more annoying than Dan. I'd rather Boogie's ego get deflated a bit by losing his golden boy. So....which ever way will probably be fine. These idiots better produce some good content soon, 's'all I'm sayin.

    ~Elle Rose

  11. I would add that if I was a family member or friend of the HGs I would be calling CBS and demanding that "Boogie" be gone.

  12. Ian is harmless. He's not a threat to anyone, he's a fan. I hope he gets to stay a while longer.

  13. Leo's thoughts.

    -The blonde trinity has been thoroughly entertaining,especially will.I'm spelling it with two L's to be passive aggressive :-P

    - JoJo is a scrappy little thing(with a nice rack). She pisses me off but then redeems herself by psychologically abusing Danielle. Shes whiny little bitch.If I was stuck in a house with a person that dense I would fuck with em too.

    - Jenn is a total let down. she is practically invisible when I watch the feeds. I always find myself glancing at her and then switching to another feed. There is always something more interesting than her on the feeds.

    -Ian must have some kind of disorder like Aspergers. People like that can be book smart but have Sesame Street smarts.Hes not being a creeper on purpose.Also that tip toe walking, they are supposed to check that gross motor stuff in preschool for crying out loud.I'm also pretty sure his mother was a helicopter mom and did everything for him.

    Great post lala

    If anyone can point me to a good site with consistently up to date and accurate flashback times that would be awesome.( no BBdish doesn't count....)

    1. I'm definitely more creative than I am up to date so I always look to to fill in any of the blanks. Simon is a great guy too. Good guys over there.

  14. one small note on an absolutely brilliant post: both boogie and dan were told in the diary room to convince ian to ask ashley out on a date. they would talk about it, then fish, then it'd come back and they'd mention it...then fish. so, i think it's not so much ian's a camera whore in this specific instance, but that cbs is trying to force a beauty and the geek flashback. also, i think ian may have some type of autistic tendencies (when he rocks back and forth, the way he moves his hands around, the tiptoeing) like leochild said, asberger's would make sense.

  15. nice posting.. thanks for sharing.

  16. This is my third BB season, second reading blogs/updates, and first as a live feeder. But I've somehow just discovered your site. Thanks for writing great, funny stuff that even pulls references and metaphors from places far outside the BB house. It's what makes it possible for me to enjoy this little world, especially given the insanity that's currently going on. I've pretty much decided not to watch feeds anymore until after Thursday. I can't TAKE IT. But I'll be reading along! Thanks again.