Friday, July 31, 2015

A Dish Best Served Cold

William Shakespeare once said, "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?" Ole Billy Shakes knew his shit. He knew that the primal instinct to avenge one's honor is something that cannot be ignored or laid to rest. Self preservation lies deep within each and every one of us. So when someone lies to our faces and plunges a sword deep into our flesh, the only natural response is to pull out the sword, dust off one's trousers, and then plunge it back into the heart of our foe. Then again, the Big Brother house is full of plastic knives. Let's recap, shall we?

First things first, Jason slept for the past month so back to collecting pennies to win a date with Tad Hamilton he goes. While that is sad, the best news of the night is that I have successfully put a stop to the Battle Of The Block! You're welcome Big Brother fans. I am simply here to serve.

This brings us to the first solo HOH comp. And it was an Endurance Comp to boot! Perched on a wooden plank and attached to a tilting wall, the HG's suffered through rain, guano, and possessed eagles straight out of a Hitchcock film. Steve dropped first followed by Austin, Julia, Meg, Jackie and Liz.

With Becky, Clay, Shelli, James and Johnny Mac left in the game, I threw another virgin on the fire, disrobed, and chanted under the Blue Moon (If you are unaware of the importance of the Blue Moon, I suggest you listen to the last Big Brother Gossip Show - live Saturdays at 10 pm or available for free on iTunes!). My goal this week, and all weeks, is to see Shelli march herself and her numerous hair pieces out the front door. There are many reasons why I want Shelli out of the house - she eats popcorn with a spoon, she's always rubbing on her son, her make-up application takes precedence over game talk, the HOH letter from her dog - but the main reason is the smugness. The entitlement. The "I'm better than you" air she cloaks herself in. Plus, I think it'll be hysterical for her to leave before Jury where Clay will be left to his own devices (and Julia).

And so, with a finger prick of blood dripping into my cauldron, I closed my eyes and called upon the Goddess to bless us. And bless us she did! Falling like dominoes Clay and Becky dropped. Shortly thereafter we lost Johnny Mac leaving us with only Shelli and James. Shelli, worried about being HOH for a third time, quickly made a deal with James that she and Clay won't be backdoored this week. Then she dropped and JAMES IS OUR HOH.

If you've been watching the Live Feeds, then you know that Jason left behind some very explicit instructions for James, Jackie and Meg. He basically told them that Clay and Shelli are running the house and need to get the hell out of Dodge ASAP. Will James remember this advice? Probably not. James is a flighty flippant doofus if we're being honest here. BUT Jackie is not so flighty. Jackie wants revenge for last week. And if Meg can manage to stay awake for more than 15 minutes at a time, I'm sure she wants revenge for Jason too. Let's hope these two ladies can keep James on the straight and narrow.

Meanwhile, Julia is now in the game and tensions with Austin are at an all time high. Julia finds Austin disgusting and untrustworthy. Liz is just like, "I knoooowwww, but he's in our alliance-uh." While Liz is happy to have Julia in the game, she's also a bit concerned about it. For starters, Liz is less than thrilled with how Julia was acting during the HOH. She cheered too loudly or something and Liz thought she was annoying-uh. Paranoia has set in with Liz regarding nominations so she's being extra careful about laying low this week. You see, she knows that James tried to throw the Battle Of The Block last week. In her mind, this means that he is sure to go after her (and maybe her sister too) this week. Little does she know that James has bigger fish to fry.

Up in the HOH with his best good friends Meg and Jackie, James is wondering who to target this week. Becky is also up in the HOH, but I wouldn't count her as one of James' best good friends. She's up there because she's a floater who switches her loyalty to whomever is in power. If you'll remember feedsters, she's been up Shelli and Clay's ass all week long, but now here she is up in the HOH counting herself part of James' alliance. She repeatedly says "What WE need to do... this is what WE should do." Becky, you are not WE. You are train debris.

Meg tells the group that if Shelli had won HOH, she would have definitely backdoored Jackie. Jackie, surprised, asks why. Meg tells her that Shelli is afraid of her. Meg then tells James that if she were HOH she'd put up Austin and Steve. James replies that Steve is going up no matter what, "I knew that as soon as I fell off the plank." Meg continues and says that when POV happens, James should pull off Steve and then put up Shelli. Liz and Julia, along with Becky, Jackie, and Meg, would vote to keep Austin. Clay and Vanessa would vote to keep Shelli. Becky then says, "We have to keep in mind that James can't play in HOH next week." Bitch, what are you talking about? Better yet, why are you even talking? Why are you in the HOH? Why do you think you're part of this group? Was that not you tonguing Vanessa's, Clay's, Shelli's asses yesterday? It makes me scream that she thinks she's a part of this group, but if she votes out Shelli I guess I'll have to get over it.

With the group in the HOH all hyped up and determined to avenge the memory of Jason, Meg reiterates that Clay and Shelli are a power couple. Jackie nods excitedly and launches into a tirade of fucks. "Fuck Shelli! They fucking blew it last week! They fucking screwed us over! I don't fucking care about them! They need to fucking go!" Well, fuck yeah! James then replies, "Basically what they did to us last week, we're doing to them." And there you have it. Shelli is the target. Will James follow through? Will Becky tattle to Clay and Shelli? Will Austin ever be alone in a room with Liz again? So many questions! Isn't it exciting?

This week is going to be great! You don't want to miss the Austin v. Julia drama. Get your free trial now!

And if you have any shopping to do at Amazon, I ask that you please get there via any of the Amazon links on the right hand side of the page. Thanks bitches!


  1. Good to see you back, Ms Lala! Great post as usual! I LOVE seeing Austin pouting about and following Liz around like a little lost puppy, now that Julia's in! He shouldn't wish for things he can't control...

  2. Ahhhhhh, you're back and right on track with the hamsters in the house. Here's hoping the spells you cast work and not only see Shelli scampering out the door this week, we also see Jackie win HOH next week and keep that wheel turning.

  3. To add another wish to the list, I would also love to see Liz trapped with Austin in the jury house for the entiiiiiiiirrree seeeeeaaaaazzzzzuuunn! Now that would be just deserts!

  4. Hey I thought it was me canceling the live feeds because of the BOB that got rid of it. Shelli may be the first person they have to drag out the front door cause these peeons have no right to vote her out!

  5. Shelli and Clay chap my hide. I hope James puts them both up. I hope Shelli goes this week. Even her Cheshire Cat smile annoys me. Her teeth look weird. She's gotta go.

    Great blog as always, Bitch!

  6. "Train debris!" LOLOL Has to be the best cut ever for any jerk masquerading as a BB player. When the season started, I thought she might be in my top 3 or 4 players after Jason, Day, and Vanessa. Vanessa simply drove me batty with her hypocritical conceit and completely pointless lying. But Becky earned my hatred (BB hate--NOT hurting anyone or trying to get them fired. Just temporary all-consuming animosity.) She rarely plays the game, she thinks she's better than anyone else. All those Abercombie name drops do NOT impress me. The groveling when they put her at 9th in the Shellie/Vanessa alliance was nauseating. Finally, the mean girls noticed she's a disloyal bitch too? Blech. Go home, Becky. We BB fans don't respect floaters, traitors who sell-out for free, or you. Colorado is calling.

  7. Great blog, glad to see a new post. Can't wait for tonight's podcast. Thanks!

  8. So excited I have two blogs to catch up on; I love when you're inspired Lala! ;) 'You're train debris' was probably my favourite line because it's so accurate! lol

    I don't mind floaters at all in general (the true 'floater', the kind that is still playing the game, not the kind who is dragged along or the kind that thinks BB is summer camp where you can eat and sleep your summer away) but I don't like players like Becky. She's a tattle tale, and in a way that doesn't make sense to me. She has chosen to give her loyalties to an obvious couple, two people who would always choose each other over her, rather than to an alliance of individuals, where she could work to worm her way up the totem pole to be in top place. Blech, it's stupid game play and I HATE that.