How To Cheat And Alienate People

We were supposed to have the POV Ceremony yesterday but BB has pushed it to today. I wonder why. Are they scared that if Russell goes up he'll wreak havoc on the house? Are they manipulating Ronnie in the DR trying to get him to put a certain person up? Are the BB crew just insanely lazy and hungover from a big Saturday night spent at Saddle Ranch (that's actually NOT a Laura dig)? I have no idea, but there has to be a reason behind it.

So we're no closer to determining who Ronnie will be putting up in Jeff's place. He was flipping back and forth between Casey and Russell all day long again. I even started a drinking game on Twitter. You had to drink a shot whenever Ronnie flipped. I'm assuming there are a lot of twitter folks lying on their laptops right now dead from alcohol poisoning.

Very few noteworthy things happened yesterday, but one that made me laugh was when Jordan was telling Ronnie that she can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth anymore. She calls him out for playing both sides and lying to everyone. The entire time I was watching this I was thinking "Shut up Jordan." Sure, she's 100% correct, but we all know that Ronnie doesn't like to be confronted and, true to form, Ronnie threw a little bitch fit following this conversation. Jordan is dead to him now. She was never on his radar before, but now she's at the top of his list.





Ronnie basically spent the rest of the day convincing everyone else how hard being HOH is. He knows he up shit's creek without a paddle and he's trying to do some sort of damage control. Here he is retelling the Jordan convo as he sees it. You can tell Casey is tired of Ronnie's bullshit, but he's being cautious because, unlike Jordan, he KNOWS not to come at Ronnie with all guns blazing. Ronnie needs to be approached like a little boy whose feelings you don't want to hurt. Casey, the teacher, excels at this.

Late last night Ronnie suggested that the NBK cheat in the HOH competition if it happens to be a "majority rules" set up. As sleazy as this is, it's pretty damn clever. I don't think I ever remember HG's coming up with a plan to cheat at HOH. He tells the NBK that if it's a majority rules comp that they should all pick A. No matter what the question is, just pick A. It's not a particularly complicated cheating plan, and they'll definitely run into trouble when only they're left and they're all still picking A, but I kind of have to admire Ronnie's ingenuity. Maybe the best ideas come out of complete and utter paranoia. You know next week Ronnie is going to be shitting his pants. I wonder what else he's going to come up with in order to ease his insecurity for the coming week.

In short, it's looking like Team Jeff has given up. Whether Casey or Jordan goes up in Jeff's place, Laura will still be going home. Laura played too little too late. That blow up in Jessie's HOH instantly sealed her fate. I will not miss her in the least. You can only watch someone adjust their boobs so much you know.

Laura grew up in a small town in the hills of Georgia. Her ma and pa (when he was around) were friendly with the bottle so Laura had to learn on her own what it meant to be a woman. She was a scrawny kid with long stringy brown hair and a face that wasn't doing anybody any favors. That all changed the summer before she turned 12. Little painful buds of breasts began to push forth against her tattered tank tops. It was that summer that she began to always tug at her shirts. It's a habit she's never been able to shake.

That September when she went back to school, the boys began to look at her differently. Even the pretty rich girls who had MTV and Guess Jeans would stop and pause whenever Laura walked by. Laura's family's money all went to Scotch and Spam so even though her body was growing, her clothes did not. She was the only girl in her school to have breasts and she made it her mission to buy herself a pretty white lace bra with a little pink flower in the middle. It was then that she realized that her breasts could make her money. She'd go down to the abandoned gas station on the edge of town and charge the boys 50 cents to take a peek at her new bubbies. For $1.00 they could touch them.

After only a week of clumsy hands all over her breasts, she had made $50... enough to buy 3 bras and a giant bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Laura's mom, Nigella, was always too busy cooking up her meth and selling oxy to get her kids proper dental care so the hydrogen peroxide was how Laura kept her teeth clean. She had always wanted bright white pearly teeth like the girls who lived in Mulberry Estates had. Every night after Nigella lay passed out in front of Ricky Lake reruns, Laura would take her one and only clean Q-tip and rub the hydrogen peroxide over her teeth for 20 minutes every night. It's a ritual she's maintained her entire life.

In high school when the cruel reality hit Laura that her boobs would one day stop growing she'd clutch that string that was once her Q-tip and cry salty tears onto her stained pillow. All the girls had breasts now... some even bigger than hers. The boys never bothered to look in her direction now. Her face had gotten long and slightly manly. Nick Auerback, the cutest boy in school, would neigh and whinny whenever she walked by. She HAD to think of a way to show everyone she was special. She didn't want to be Horsey Laura, the daughter of the local meth dealer, anymore. She wanted to be famous and beautiful and have girls be jealous of her. I mean, isn't that what every girl wants?

A Horse Is A Horse Of Course Of Course

Do you know what CBS is doing right now? They're frantically editing and reediting all the game talk leading up to tonight's eviction. The HG's are cutting this vote very close and could quite possibly make tonight's eviction a doozy.

Here's what we know: Jordan and Jeff want Braden to stay in the game. 2 nights ago they got Laura on their side. Yesterday they got Michele to cross over as well. 2 more votes and they've got it locked up. This means that they have to convince Ronnie and Casey to join their crew in order to evict Chima.

Ronnie the Rat is still playing both sides. He has everyone convinced he's voting their way. Ronnie has pledged his allegiance to Jordan, but not so fast chicky. The Rat has other plans up his sleeve.

Most of the early evening was spent securing Casey's vote. Apparently, Russell doesn't care for Casey at all. He plans on getting rid of him in the near future. Well, the feeling is mutual buddy. Casey can't stand your galavanting and intimidations. Upon hearing Russell may take out Casey soon, Casey agrees to switch to Team Braden as long as they promise NOT to put Jessie on the block. Casey has a soft spot for Jessie (don't we all?) and wants to make absolutely sure that Team Braden won't put him up before he commits his vote 100%. Team Braden makes the deal and it's looking like they've got their 6 votes to keep Braden. When they share the news with Ronnie, he's overjoyed. Why? We'll get back to that later.

All this talk in the house and the sneaking in and out of rooms has Chima suspicious. She knows something is going on and she's a little worried. Natalie made it her mission to try to eavesdrop on everyone's conversation throughout the night. Team Braden knew what she was up to and tried not to say a word around her.

In the midst of all this game talk we have a new partnership on our hands. Laura and Jordan and their 4 ginormous boobs have breathed new life into the Popular Clique. They're super buddy buddy now. It looks like Laura has gotten over her initial jealousy of Jordan and has decided to actually play the game now and use her voice. Chatters are liking Laura now. They call her smart and the "one to watch". She's suspicious of Ronnie and isn't she a brainiac for figuring that out? No. Give me a fucking break. Russell knew Ronnie was up to something on like Day 3 and he's not impressing anyone. Why is it when Laura figures out what Russell knew all along she's suddenly a genius? Remember that Hypocradar I told you about? Well, it's beeping pretty loudly now.

Laura is a lot of talk. We've heard for hours on end how great a competitior she is, how smart she is, how strong she is, how much of a threat she is, how pretty she is, how big her boobs are, etc. Wax poetic if you ask me. I have yet to see her prove any one of those proclamations. Oh alright her boobs are big. I'll give you that. I'll keep my eye on her, but I'm not going to jump to conclusions simply because she's all nicey nicey to Jordan now.

In these next clips, Laura confronts the Athletes saying that she's voting for Braden to stay because he's on her team. She says that she doesn't want the Athletes to boss her around anymore. I have zero problem with Laura doing her own thing and voting her own conscience. More power to her. I even kind of like her for standing up for herself, but why in the world does she walk into the HOH and attack 5 people the night before a new HOH is crowned? She makes a big dramatic scene where she declares over and over again how smart she is. Who is she trying to convince by the way? Who goes around telling everyone how smart and pretty they are? LOL I'm sorry, but she's just so ridiculous to me.

There is ZERO strategy being played in storming into the HOH yelling at everyone telling them all how smart she is. Who does that in week 1? That's the least smart thing she's done thus far! If she has a problem with Jessie bossing her around, then she should have said something to Jessie several days ago instead of making a big scene in the HOH in front of a bunch of people the night before one of them could get the power. Jessie actually makes a good point when he tells Laura that all she's proven to everyone in that room is that she's a liar (in clip 3 or 4). She pledged she'd keep Chima and now she's gone back on her word. Actually, I want to thank Laura for her little outburst. All she's accomplished here is that she's moved the target from Jordan to herself. She's managed to turn Chima and Natalie against her when they really had no problem with her. Thank you Laura. I want Jordan to stay in the game for a while and you just did me a huge favor. Bless your heart.

An invisible line has been drawn in the house (and in the live feed chats) and it has to do with the house blondes. It's Lydia v. Jordan. All the homely women bored in their marriages at home are madly in love with Jeff and dreamy Jeff is tight with Jordan. Therefore, anyone siding with Jeff and Jordan is infallable, smart, and can do no wrong. Anyone siding with Lydia is disgusting, evil, and hideous. A pretty moronic way to look at the game if you ask me.

For the record, I can tolerate both Lydia and Jordan for the time being. The way they're playing is vastly different and I can appreciate them both for who they are as individuals. Having said that, there are also things I don't like about each one of them. I'm not going to like or hate someone simply because of who he/she is friends with in the house. It's way too soon to commit such loyalties to one side or another now anyways. I need to see what happens when the Athletes aren't in charge before I pledge my loyalties to one side over another.

OK so now Team Braden thinks they have the 6 votes to evict Chima, but do they? Remember I said Ronnie was thrilled to see that Casey had crossed the line? He has a reason to be thrilled. Ronnie has no intention whatsoever of evicting Chima. He wants Casey to vote to keep Bradon. The vote will go to a tie, Jessie will have all the power and he'll evict Bradon. After the vote shocks the hell out of the HG's, everyone will be wondering who didn't hold up their end of the bargain. Will it shake their concentration for the HOH comp tonight? Possibly. I think Ronnie's plans go deeper than that though. I think he wants to rat out Casey and make him enemy #1... or does he?

Later in the HOH Ronnie fills Jessie in on Team Braden's efforts to evict Chima. Ronnie claims that Russell is partly to blame because he insulted Laura earlier saying she needed a muzzle and was fucking dumb. LOL. Ronnie expresses his concern over Russell saying he's really rubbing the house the wrong way. Jessie explains that they need to stay in tight with Russell in the case that he wins HOH. Ronnie goes on to also express his concern for Lydia. Ronnie's seed planting knows no boundaries. Jessie assures him he doesn't need to worry about Lydia.

I see what Ronnie is doing here. He's planting seeds in everyone's brain making them all suspicious of one another. He's making himself into a "go to guy" of sorts. Ronnie wants everyone to trust him but distrust everyone else. Kind of a ballsy move. Yes, Ronnie is super annoying. Yes, he drives me crazy with his constant game play. Yes, he physically resembles a rat more and more as each day goes on. BUT if he successfully manages to put Russell and Jessie against one another, I might just have to shake his hand. I'm thinking a lot of his seed planting is meant to have more of a long term effect as opposed to an immediate "shake the house up next week" kind of thing. At least, for his sake, I hope that's what he's doing. If he ruffles too many feathers too soon, his plan will implode and he'll have the whole house after him (something I'm DYING to see!). In short, Ronnie is a rat, but he's creating drama.

I added a new poll to the blog and, as of this morning, 90% of you want Braden to stay in the house. I seriously haven't even voted in my own poll yet. I really don't know who I want to stay. It's a moral dilemma I'm facing I think. Braden turned me off so much during that Beaner Fight that I'm really finding it hard to reconcile wanting him to stay. On the other hand, I don't want Chima or Russell to get their way. Chima's laughing is wearing down my poor ear drums and she's contributed nothing to the entertainment factor in the house. So who do I root for? I hate them both.

One thing is for sure. This HOH is going to be a nail biter. I definitely do not want Ronnie, Laura, Chima, Natalie, or Russell to win. Anyone else will be ok I think. Tonight, after CBS, the house is going to be on fire and all the drama will be reported here tomorrow.

Laura: I Need A Saddle For This Interview

The weirdest interview yet. Laura's face is REALLY disturbing. If she didn't fancy herself to be hot shit she wouldn't bug me, but she does so that makes her fair game. Oats. Ugly girls who think they're pretty are the absolute worst. You have to keep pushing them down with the palm of your hand. And they're tenacious little monkeys to boot. Canter. So many of them end up on reality shows. Maybe that's because the real world doesn't like them getting above their station in life and reality shows are their only milieu.

While I can't handle looking at her without brushing a My Little Pony's hair, I kind of like everything she's saying. She's brutally honest, doesn't take shit from anyone, and wants a girl to control the game... three things I typically admire in people. Wildfire. That face, nonexistent upper lip, is really going to be hard for me to get around though. Whoa Horsey! Very few ugly girls who think they're hot have redeeming personalities. If Laura pulls it off, I'll give her credit (and some cash for some collagen).



UPDATE: Here's Laura's interview with Diane