Flip Flop, You Don't Stop

It is customary in Eastern cultures to bow before one's elders as a symbol of respect. With age comes wisdom. Wisdom you cannot learn in books or find on the interwebs. Wisdom that only experience and years of subjugation to this thing we call life can reward. In a society obsessed with youth, fillers, faces as pliable as marble and One Direction, it is refreshing to see 21 year old twits pay their dues now and again. And if those dues include a blindside that'll send a mentally imbalanced wide-eyed Texan gal to a padded cell, then all the better! Let's recap, shall we?

Let us pray. Actually, let's not and say we did, Father God. In Jesus name we pray that Howard will lose his Bible and turn to the horned goat demon for guidance.

After prayer time is over, Howard ventures outside to join Spencer and Jeremy on the couch. The game talk has already begun and the topic of the day is Bouffant (David). Spencer, still an active member of The Moving Company at this point, talks about how MC (McRae) might want to get rid of Bouffant this week instead of Elvira (Elissa) because Bouffant is a strong player. Jeremy, who is a member of The Moving Company and a member of the Lovers Alliance, nods and says that it might not be a bad idea. The only problem is he shot himself in the foot yesterday when he went off on Elvira over Gisele Bundchen. The boys decide that a daily morning meeting outside before everybody wakes up is a good idea from here on out.

The conversation then turns to love. Ah, young love! Or what Jeremy likes to call a "Mouth Hug", You see, Jeremy and Eyebrows (Kaitlin) did a little fumbling under the covers the night before and Spencer happened to hear the whole thing. Unfortunately for Jeremy, he went to bed without his Mouth Hug but with a large Man Meat instead. Eww.

After some good natured pats on the back and chuckles, Spencer grows serious again and suggests that they go after Amanda next week. Jeremy enthusiastically agrees and labels Amanda a "shit stirrer". Spencer adds that Nick wants her out too, but they need to be careful with Nick. Not only is he smart, but he's a schemer. The fact that he disappears for 3/4's of the day doing god knows what doesn't sit well with Spencer.

Eventually, Bouffant wipes the hair and sleep out of his eyes and joins the rest of the bros outside. The game conversation they were having switches to how shocked they are over Bouffant being the MVP's nomination. Bouffant replies, "I know, dudes. Someone must be conspiring against me." He looks his bros up and down with a suspicious glint in his eye. Spencer shakes his head and says, "I've never heard anyone talk about getting rid of you." Jeremy nods excitedly, "Me either brah."

Inside, tiny feather Helen is giving Elvira advice on how she should approach this next crucial week. It goes something like this... "Don't talk to ANYBODY. Don't say anything to anyone EVER again. Sleep for the next 5 days if at all possible. You need to lay low and not get on that crazy train again." Elvira nods and wonders why people think she's crazy. She begins to open her mouth to speak, but Helen simply puts one finger up to Elvira's lips and shakes her head. "No," Helen whispers.

Meanwhile, Bouffant is upstairs trying to getting a read on MC. He has a nagging feeling that the house is all working with Elvira and his hair, I mean head, could be on the chopping block this week. MC paces nervously and assures Bouffant, "Amanda hates Elvira. If she stays in this house after I nominated her, she'll put me up." MC then asks Bouffant if he'd rather MC takes Jessie off the block this week instead of Candice. Bouffant asks, "Why don't you just take me off?" Here is where things get interesting. MC tells Bouffant that if he takes down the MVP's nomination, then the MVP gets to name the replacement. That doesn't sound right to me at all. I'm 99% sure MC is lying.

And this brings us to yoga time! I've been both dreading and pining for this. Those of you familiar with this blog know that I am all about achieving my inner zen through asanas and gin. There is nothing I would love more than to watch a yoga professional delight me with vigorous Vinyasa day in and day out. Unfortunately for me, this yoga professional happens to be a Reilly. The inner moral conflict I feel inside is a little like that war in Bosnia. There is an awful lot of bloodshed and tears.

So, what do I think of Elvira's yoga? Personally, it's not my style, but I won't begrudge her her skill level. She knows what she is doing and it is evident that she has trained for several years, but she teaches like she is saying the same script over and over again. She's Sadie Nardini meets Jillian Michaels rather than Shiva Rea meets Clara Roberts-Oss. I did enjoy watching it though and I became very upset when my yoga cam would switch to another conversation. Dare I say I'd like to see more? Yoga is the most likable part of Elvira.

Back inside the house, the HG's have begun to play with the Photo Booth. At first I wasn't sure what purpose it would serve other than to drive the fans to CBS.com to see the photos. But then Jessie decided to have a secret meeting with Aaryn inside the booth and all hell all broke loose. Allow me to backtrack if you will...

Earlier, Bouffant told Jessie that MC is going to take Candice off the block. Naturally, this made Jessie flip out into a panic attack. She immediately goes to MC and tells him that Bouffant told her Candice was coming off the block. Bouffant then finds out that Jessie went to MC and promptly gets pissed off. So now Jessie is all freaked out that Bouffant is mad at her.

Frantic and in a tizzy, Jessie yanks Aaryn into the Photo Booth and confides in her that she thinks Bouffant is angry with her. THEN, Jeremy walks by and sees the two girls whispering to each other. Big bohunk Jeremy is immediately disturbed by seeing the two ladies talking so, naturally, he assumes that they've been life long friends. He immediately scurries to Bouffant to tell him his new theories on the game and how people must know each other outside the house. Bouffant, who can't keep a secret to save his life, then relays the information back to Aaryn. *exhale*

Whew! If you're still with me, you might want to grab yourself some Lithium because this brings us to yet another 18 hour conversation with Aaryn. All aboard the train to Crazy Town! Upon hearing that Jeremy thinks that Aaryn and Jessie are life long friends, Aaryn whirls and twirls into one long monotone sentence about how she can't trust Jeremy anymore. And if she can't trust Jeremy, then how can she trust Bouffant? Without trust, their relationship is merely a ruse. Why did Bouffant talk to Jeremy in the first place? Aaryn told him to stop talking and thinking yesterday. If he can't obey her simple instructions, then what hope do they have 35 years down the road? What hope does anyone have? Love, companionship, respect and all the rest of it will cease to exist as we know it. And Bouffant, do you know how stupid you'll look watching these episodes back at home? Do you even know how being on the block works? And why are you looking at me through vacant eyes? I told you not to think but I think you're thinking about other things and I need you to think about the game, but don't think about the game! Do you hear me?! Fine! FINE! I'LL PLAY BY MYSELF AND I WON'T HAVE ANYBODY. I COULD HAVE BEEN THE CUTE LOVABLE ONE AND YOU DESTROYED IT! DESTROYED!!!! ARE YOU THINKING AGAIN?! I TOLD YOU TO STOP! GAHHH!!!!! And then her head rolled off into the corner and got tangled up in Ginamarie's hair extensions.

Outside in the backyard, we find Spencer and Amanda in the hammock together. As an Amanda fan, I'm always wary of Spencer and a little nervous when Amanda speaks to him. Amanda has her good points, but she also likes to share information with too many people at the same time. After this morning's conversation amongst the boys, I'm nervous about Amanda telling Spencer too much. But, BUT, it appears as if Spencer has been doing some thinking throughout the day and he has had a change of heart. The two begin to discuss Elvira and they realize that they're both on the same page. They like the idea of getting rid of Bouffant, but they are incredibly wary of having Elvira in their orbit. On the other hand, if Elvira keeps winning MVP, it would serve them both well to have her on their side. Spencer pitches to Amanda that they nurture Elvira and keep her close. Amanda is up for it, but the "wild card" part of Elvira scares her a little bit. Honey, it scares us all.

And then it dawns on Amanda... what if they have an Old People alliance and the older people pick off Bieber Fever (the younger people) one by one? Together they wonder if they have the votes to get rid of Bouffant. Candice and J-U-DD are question marks at this point, but Spencer is confident he can bring Jazz Hands Andy into the fold. Apparently, Andy follows Spencer around all day long and is just itching to talk game with him. Spencer then asks Amanda what she thinks of Andy. Amanda likes him and thinks that he could be trustworthy. And there it is, a new plan! A plan that, for the most part, dissolves The Moving Company only no one in The Moving Company knows about it but Spencer.

Part 2 of the plan, obviously, is to let Elvira know that they're going to save her. One would think this would be an easy task. One would think all you'd have to say is, "You're safe" and Elvira would fall into line. Well, one hasn't tried to have a conversation with Elvira. She's a strange one, that Reilly. It's like there are a few wires crossed. She wants to be liked. She wants to be accepted, but at the same time she wants to stab everyone in the heart with a foam roller and do Downward Dogs in their blood and guts.

The conversation begins with Amanda telling Elvira that she thinks she has the votes to save her. She asks Elvira whom she would target were she to stay in the game. Elvira replies, "Ummm the stroonnng boyzzzz." She doesn't just say words, she molests them. Amanda then makes her pitch by telling Elvira that it appears as if all of her problems in the house stem from her interactions with the younger people. BUT, if Elvira sticks with the older people and promises not to go crazy anymore, then she has a really good chance of staying in the house for a while. Elvira nods not saying much which visibly bothers Amanda. Amanda then asks Elvira if she'll swear to be loyal to the Old People Alliance. Elvira replies, "I wonnnn't swearrrr to God or anythinnnnng, but yeahhhh. Okkkkkk." I have no idea what the hell that means and neither does Amanda. It is literally like pulling teeth to get this chick to agree to having more than half the house save her ass.

Elvira says she's willing to make week to week deals, but she wants Amanda to tell everyone how bad her game is. This is a repeat thing with Elvira - her talking about her "bad game". I almost wonder if a certain red-headed hosebeast gave her that as a catchphrase to use to seem nonthreatening, "Iiiii have a rrrrrreallllyyyy baaaaaad gammmmmme. And Iiiiiiii could beeeee an extraaaaa vooooote forrrr yooooouuu." Amanda sort of ignores whatever the hell it is Elvira is trying to communicate and just wants Elvira to agree to the new plan and let that be that. Amanda is also worried that this long conversation they're having out in the open is raising eyebrows amongst the rest of the HG's in the backyard. She suggests to Elvira that they fake a fight before Amanda gets up to walk away. After about 18 minutes of debating the merits of a fake fight, Amanda finally gets up and mumbles under her breath, "Sit with your fucking self." She marches over to the couch and tells the others how annoying Elvira is.

The eventful afternoon finally winds down to dinner, chitchat and general goofing around in the backyard - particularly one moment when Elvira flips Ginamare flat on her face. But upstairs in the HOH, Amanda and Spencer are working on reeling in their last few votes to evict Bouffant. It turns out that Andy is thrilled to be a member of any alliance that will have him. J-U-DD agrees to join in as well, but the problem with J-U-DD is that he is a bit of a space cadet. This one is definitely the house idiot and it makes Spencer incredibly nervous whenever J-U-DD is out and about matriculating in society.

For now, they are all going to keep Candice out of the loop. She is too loud and obnoxious for them to clue her in that she and Elvira are safe this week. The decision is made to let Spencer approach her at the 11th hour and make it seem like it is a last minute decision that will benefit her in the game.

Helen is also easily reeled in as she is the only one who has been in Elvira's corner since the beginning. Howard, too, is onboard as is MC. Nick, they all decide, is too weird and suspicious to bring in so they'll let him think The Moving Company still exists.

So, here's where that brings us to today. The Older People Alliance consists of Amanda, Spencer, MC, Elvira, Helen, Howard, J-U-DD and Andy with Candice being a last minute member. Bieber Fever consists of Jeremy, Eyebrows, Bouffant, Aaryn, Jessie, Ginamarie and possibly Nick. If everything stays according to plan (which it won't because today is only Saturday), the vote will be close and Elvira should be safe. Aaryn will go insane and Wednesday night feeds will be awesome. Woohoo!

So, what do you think of these new alliances? How do you feel about Elvira staying in the game this week? Will J-U-DD screw it all up and tip off Bouffant? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Mistress Of The Bark

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen passed away yesterday of self-inflicted stab wounds to her soul. The gruesome scene was discovered by her bohunk husband, Tom Brady, at their palatial estate in Sao Paolo. Gisele is survived by thongs, the Red Hot Fantasy Bra, Met Gala invitations, thigh high stockings and her two children, Benjamin and Vivian. An international icon, Gisele Bundchen was often considered one of the most beautiful woman in the world. It is understood that her publicist made an off the cuff remark about how one, Elvira Slater, alluded to the fact that Ms. Bundchen was her biological sister. Devastated and distraught by the news, Ms. Bundchen locked herself in her Mediterranean inspired Travertine bathroom and proceeded to stab her heart repeatedly with the underwires from her Miracle Bras. In lieu of flowers, the Bundchen-Brady family asks that you please stop voting Elvira for MVP. Let's recap, shall we?

Day 2 in the Big Brother house began with a whole lotta lies... lies, lies, tell me sweet little lies... and a whole lot of suspicion. That monstrosity Elvira (Elissa) started her morning "innocently" musing with tiny feather wisp Helen as to whether or not everyone in the house is a relative of a former Houseguest. They begin to ask anyone who enters their room if they are only children. J-U-DD thinks the question is odd and begins to pester Howard about how he thinks Elvira is Rachel Reilly's sister. Now, I'm not exactly sure how this little fact is still even a question in people's minds. Half the house pretty much knows already, the other half suspects, and then we have J-U-DD wandering around wondering if Aaryn if Hayden's sister. Slow southern drawls don't often necessarily mean the mind is slow as well - except in J-U-DD's case. Slow, slow, slow like molasses.

Off in another part of the house, we find Amanda, GM (Ginamarie) and Nick discussing the house outcast, Elvira. Seriously, this chick is like the plague. Not one person wants to be seen with her and all persons want to be rid of her. While talking about the Black Death, Amanda reveals that she played a large part in MC's (McRae) nominations this week. Initially he wanted to get rid of two strong males, but Amanda changed his mind and talked him into targeting Candice instead. Candice is another unpopular HG who has gotten under people's skin for some reason. I, personally, haven't seen all too much of her on the feeds, but what I have seen is often loud, screeching and pointless. The three continue talking about how Elvira is most likely gunning for Aaryn. They also worry as to where MC's loyalty lies. Will he follow through on the plan to backdoor Elvira?

Nick eventually leaves and the New Yorkers discuss how the votes could go this week. GM can't do all the adding in her head and there isn't an abacus nearby so she and Amanda hold up all their fingers while GM counts and assigns votes. Aaryn enters shortly thereafter and announces that it is harmful to her game to keep Elvira in this house. Apparently, the did have a spat pre-feeds and, from what I can tell, it was about Rachel Reilly. Ever since then, Elvira and Aaryn have been on the outs and began targeting one another. If for some reason, Elvira stays in the house, then Aaryn wants Jessie to stay too because Jessie is nice to her. The problem is that GM and Amanda are now rethinking their initial thoughts on Candice. Yes, she's annoying BUT she's not really a threat.

The three gals then get into a back and forth over keeping either Jessie or Candice. Aaryn won't budge on keeping Jessie and the others don't want to budge on keeping Candice. Finally, Amanda shuts everyone up and tells them that all this week one stressing out is ridiculous. All they need to do is get on the same page for these next two evictions and stop freaking out so much. In the end they agree that Elvira and Candice definitely need to go. BUT, in the event that the MVP puts Aaryn on the block, Aaryn is totally cool with dumping Jessie to save herself. So, to sum up, Plan A is Elvira. Plan B is Candice. They also agree that if anyone but Elvira ends up as the third person on the block, they'll assume that Elvira is MVP.

With the plans in place, Amanda decides that now is a good time to tell the girls that Elvira is indeed Rachel's sister. Hearing this, Aaryn panics and accuses Amanda of protecting Elvira. Amanda tells Aaryn there is no way in hell she's protecting Elvira. If anything, she was going to use that information against her in the future if she needed to. Here's what you need to know, Aaryn is a fucking nutjob. For such a pretty girl to be so insecure is an anomaly. An ex-boyfriend must have done a real number on this chick because she is batshit crazy. More on this later.

So all morning Elvira has been going around the house suggesting all sorts of different people for MVP. The majority of the house isn't buying it and thinks she's a major shit stirrer (true). But, who actually is MVP? Who really did win? Ugh. Elvira won MVP and in doing so I lost a very humiliating bet that you can all hear about tomorrow night at 10pm on the Big Brother Gossip Show. Let's just say that I might have to rethink my regular breast dunking into glitter habit.

Up in the HOH, Elvira can't keep her secret to herself any longer. She's busting to tell someone so she tells MC that she has won MVP. She's super flattered that America voted for her and the room fills with all sorts of horrifying duck lips. MC listens to it all and tells her that even though she won MVP, he's still going to backdoor her. Ha! He says if he doesn't the entire house will hate him and it will put his came into jeopardy. Elvira doesn't understand a word of this and proceeds to rape MC with a barrage of whines. "Buuuut whhhyyyyyy? You don't haaaaaave tooooo." Holy hell, she makes me want to stab my own eardrums with a fireplace poker.

The whine-fest continues for what seems like 18 hours. Elvira keeps asking whhhyyyyy and MC keeps telling her he'll piss of the house if he doesn't. MC tries to calm her down by telling her to nominate who she thinks she can beat in POV. Elvira thinks Bouffant (David) has the best chance of winning. MC, however, doesn't think that the POV will be a physical comp today. He thinks it will be more mental. He tells Elvira that Jeremy isn't very smart at all. Elvira has only one hour to decide who to nominate and she tells MC that if he backdoors her this week, then she's not working with him from here on out.

MC tries to turn into something strategic telling her that if he backdoors her, then the rest of the house will never suspect that they're working together. MC is wisely trying to cover all of his bases and I'm actually kind of impressed by how he's not letting Elvira pressure him into screwing up his own game. I'm still not a fan of the kid, but I can appreciate a good move when I see one.

Funnier still, MC advises Elvira to play up the "crazy angle" since everyone in the house already thinks she's crazy. Hearing this, Elvira contorts her face and whines, "Buuuut I don't waaaaant people to think I'm craaaaazy." Oh honey, too late. And then, AND THEN, MC tells her that she didn't use all that much tact earlier in the week in the Aaryn. Elvira replies, "So why wasn't I being tactful?" MC corrects her, "TactLESS." LOL

Elsewhere in the house, this MVP thing has everyone all riled especially the boys. At this point I was in my car on my way to the doctor listening on my iPad so I'm not exactly sure who was talking, but I think J-U-DD, Aaryn and possibly Bouffant thinks it's incredibly unfair for Elvira to win MVP. She has a built-in fan base coming into the game. One of the guys replies, "I wish I had an advantage too!"

So, what ends up happening with the big MVP? Well, Elvira nominates Bouffant for eviction. For some reason, MC tells Amanda that Elvira is MVP which totally pisses off Elvira but delights me. Amanda has a curious way of being bossy, a little pushy, but still incredibly trustworthy. She gets people to tell her what she wants to know and she's not exactly delicate about it. It's fascinating to watch and I'm still loving her. But for my own sanity, I'd like her to take it down just a notch so she doesn't put herself in danger down the line.

After the MVP announcement, some of the HG's make their way up to the HOH. It is this moment that drives Gisele Bundchen to her untimely death. For god knows what reason, Elvira thinks it is funny to tell people that Gisele is her sister. Well, Jeremy has had about enough of it. Firstly, he has no idea who the hell Gisele is and secondly, he doesn't think Elvira jokes are very funny. The conversation went something like this:

"I'm an angry alpha mala and I don't get yer jokes. Why'd you say you had a model fer a sister?"
"Shouldn't you be picking on guys and not girls? You're a bully!"
"You lied. You don't have no model for no sister."
"I can't believe you don't know who Gisele Bundchen is."
"Why would I know that? I'm an ignorant beefy dude."
"Do you know who Tom Brady is?"
"The quarterback? Yeah. He's got a hot wife."
"Then I have a hard time believing you don't know who Gisele is."
"Keep licking your drink. Does it taste good?"
"Yummy!"
"You watch me. I'm gonna take yer ass out of this game. Just watch."
"Bully!"
"Just watch. I'm a gonna kick yer ass."
Aaaannnd scene!

It was awesome! It made my nipples hard and my loins quiver. Jeremy is a dumb ass twit, but I'm totally digging how he doesn't give a shit what anything thinks of him. I tell you, I'm mighty encouraged by this display of anger. It warms the cockles of my heart.

Elsewhere Aaryn is sad that her coiffed boyfriend is now up for eviction. Aaryn is sad and Bouffant is angry. In fact, Bouffant thinks that the game is rigged since Elvira got picked to play in POV. Honey, join the club! We say this every season. They should show all the chips in the bag before everyone pulls names for veto. I don't see why this is even a question. It is not only ethical, but it would stop all the conspiracy theories. Anyhow, MC, Jessie, Candice, Bouffant, Howard and Elvira will be playing in POV.

In the kitchen Jeremy just can't let this Elvira thing go. He's a vessel of testosterone ready to burst. In addition, he's furious that he doesn't get to play in POV. He insists that he'll win HOH next week and put her ass on the block. He won't be a pussy and backdoor her like MC is doing. He'll put her ass up right next to Amanda whom he also doesn't trust. If anything, all this negative energy just makes Jeremy stronger. All of this might make Jeremy stronger, but it makes Eyebrows (Kaitlin) very worried. She doesn't like the idea of her not-really boyfriend being in the firing line.

In the Living Room, Bouffant has decided to talk things out with Elvira. Now, I think Bouffant knows Elvira is Rachel's sister, but he also had a head full of sand so who the hell knows. Basically, he's an extremely easy target for Elvira to work her manipulation on. She asks him if he really thinks that if she were MVP that she'd nominate him. Then she quickly changes the subjectsand tells him how all the girls are so mean to her. She wanted to be besties and play with them, but they bullied her and now she's all alone. She advises Bouffant to win POV and take himself off the block. I'm assuming she's full of it because her worst nightmare is going on the block herself which is exactly what will happen if someone else comes off. She likes to play mind games and lying for her is as natural as making duck lips and looking cuckoo for cocoa puffs. The conversation between them ends with her crying about how everyone is so mean to her. Oh shut up!

And now we venture off into the Storage Room. The Storage Room is where we keep our most severe cases. And wouldn't you know it, there's Aaryn and her Haldol has just worn off. This is a conversation that went on for about 26 hours, but I'm going to try to make it short and sweet. Aaryn is very mad at Bouffant for talking to Elvira. Bouffant is only supposed to talk to Aaryn and do exactly what she tells him to do. If he can't obey her like she wants him to, then how can she go on trusting him? Doesn't he realize that if he comes off the block then she might go up?! Doesn't he understand that ELVIRA IS COMING AFTER HER?!? HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO HER AFTER THEY'VE SPENT 5 DAYS TOGETHER?!? 5 PERFECT DAYS OF COMBING EACH OTHER'S HAIR AND HE GOES AND TALKS TO ELVIRA?!? GAHHHHH!!!!

I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU FOR NOT OBEYING ME! HOW CAN I EVER TRUST YOU AGAIN?! YOU'VE DESTROYED ME FOR EVERYONE ELSE!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

In the end, Bouffant did what all wise men should do. He nodded and smiled. "You're right. I was wrong. Can we make out now?" And they lived happily ever after.

I've got lots to do today so I'm going to wrap this up. The POV was a spelling competition with lots of mud and honey. Mudhoney! MC won AGAIN surprising even himself because apparently he's not a good speller. The plan is still to backdoor Elvira, but we all know the evil puppeteer in the sky with her sausage fingers will go to hell and back to prevent that from happening. So, it will indeed be interesting to see what happens during the POV ceremony. If my suspicions are correct, MC will be in the DR all day today getting brainwashed like in Clockwork Orange.

So, what do we think of Elvira winning MVP and telling MC about it? Should she have kept her mouth shut? Will Production find a way to keep her in the game? How many bodies does Aaryn have buried under her house? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!