Saturday, August 27, 2011

Abort, Abort!

Deep down we knew. We knew the fairness, the equality, and the tide turning wouldn't last. There's a giant curly haired wizard (not to be confused with the leathery goddess wizard) behind the Big Brother curtain and she's out for vengeance. With an 8X10 glossy of Jeff Schroeder stuffed down her enormous pants, Allison Grodner yanks on pulleys, presses random buttons on the smoke machine, and goes through bag after bag of pork rinds thinking of ways to save what she thinks is her ratings goldmine. Rules be damned! The evil puppet master can only grind herself against that glossy for so long. She wants the real thing. She needs golden boy (and his idiot sidekick) in the house so she can sit in her giant office with her Funyun fingers and fondle herself. What Ms. Grodner doesn't realize is that she's already sitting on a ratings bonanza. It starts with "De" and ends with "Mon". It's a demon child brewing in the oven and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why this hasn't been addressed and turned into a plot line. Let's recap, shall we?

It's a new day in this house of tears and overnight Jordan has morphed into a preteen girl who gives her parents the silent treatment when she doesn't get her way. It's morning and Shelly is in the kitchen. Jordan walks in and Shelly says, "Good morning Jordan." Jordan turns around and walks away in silence. A bastion of maturity she is! I wanted Shelly to slap her across the face in that moment and tell her to go to her room and not come out until she's prepared to act like an adult. I also wanted Shelly to smack her in the ass with a wooden spoon, but we can't all get what we want, can we?

Here's the thing: deep down Jordan knows that what Shelly did was indeed the best thing for her game. Jordan's phony bohunk boyfriend ruined any chance of getting Shelly's vote when he yelled and mocked her right before Thursday's live show. Jordan knows this. She's dumb, but she's not that dumb. If someone yelled at her and embarrassed her in front of the entire house, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't go and vote for that person to stay. Jeff fucked up and Jordan isn't smart enough or savvy enough to deal with the aftermath. So, like a petulant child without her binky, Jordan refuses to acknowledge the fact that Jeff screwed up and instead, she stomps around the house moping hoping someone somewhere will care.

Jordan goes to Rachel and tells her the only way they'll be able to stay in the game is if they get a special power. Hearing this I was angry that Jordan would so flagrantly want the game to bow down and kneel in her direction. Why should special powers be invented for the sole purpose of saving them? Where's the fairness in that? Where's the strategy and the purity? I should have known then that something was on the horizon. Instead, I ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and checked in on what Porsche was up to.

In the backyard, Shelly, Porsche, and Kalia are going over whether or not they should put Adam on the block. Porsche tells the others that they better not lose HOH next week. Shelly says that if Rachel or Jordan wins HOH next week, then she is the number one target. Kalia, not wanting a moment in time to pass without her voice molesting it, chimes in and says that she is the number one target because she put Jeff on the block. Shelly replies, "I guaranteed I'm the target." She's right. Jordan's ire is like a heat seeking missile and Shelly is like a nice and toasty campfire.

The conversation turns to whom Porsche should nominate. Porsche is trying to run the meeting, but Kalia is again raping the air with her voice. Over and over again, incessantly, Kalia just won't shut up! Porsche would say, "Here's what we should..." and then in jumps Kalia, "This is what we should do." Porsche would try to continue, "I'm thinking of nominating..." and then in pops Kalia, "This is who we should nominate." Since I think we can all agree that Kalia is the WORST HOH in Big Brother history (*ahem* Lawon *ahem*), I'd prefer Kalia was in a corner somewhere eating her feelings rather than trying to run Porsche's HOH. I realize her dopamine levels are back to normal this week, but I think I prefer self-sabotaging-face-first-into-a-bag-of-pita-chips Kalia rather than know-it-all Kalia.

So the big question is whether or not Porsche should just go ahead and nominate Jordan & Rachel right off the bat. The target this week is Rachel and Porsche is concerned that she could win POV and remove herelf from the block. Porsche's other option is to nominate Jordan & Adam. She (or whichever one of them wins POV) will remove Adam and put up Rachel in his place. They run the plan by Adam and, like me, his reaction is pretty much, "Hell no. What the fuck?!" It's way too risky to not nominate Jordan & Rachel from the get go. If you nominate Jordan & Adam and Rachel wins POV, she'll remove Jordan and then Shelly is definitely going home. The risk far outweighs the alternative - Rachel winning and removing herself meaning Jordan goes home. Who cares who goes home this week from the Oldies side just as long as one of them goes home!

Adam airs his concerns, but Kalia & Porsche are convinced that Rachel or Jordan won't win POV. They think Rachel will crumble under pressure and they're certain Jordan can't win anything without Jeff there to help her. Again, why take the risk if you don't have to? At this point in the game, Jordan is equally as threatening as Rachel is - if not more so. Let's all remember how Jordan won BB11 in the first place. She was perceived as a nonthreat and ended up getting carried right to the end. With a Jury stacked with Oldies, it's much too dangerous to let her linger in the house. I know Porsche thinks taking her to the end is a way to keep her from voting, but it's also a way to hand her the entire game yet again. It's frustrating to watch the Newbies go back and forth over what should be a no brainer.

Meanwhile back in the confines of the Starburst Room, Rachel is becoming more and more concerned that she's pregnant. She's felt this way since last week and I never brought it up because her math was off and it hadn't been 4 weeks yet since her last period. But, now, as more time passes and Rachel confirms that sex took place without birth control, what was once a stab in the dark (ha!) now holds a teeny tiny bit more weight. Apparently, Rachel asked the DR for a pregnancy test, but they won't give her one. Now you listen to me CBS. I've been wanting a Big Brother baby since this whole crappy show started. If I'm finally getting one (that will probably be named Damien and kill us all in our sleep), I want to know about it! There are plans that need to be made, underground bunkers to be built, and a giant steel fence to erect around my house. I know for a fact that baby will emerge with a full head of hair, pointy eyebrows, and sharp nails. It'll take it's first breath while twirling it's moustache and demanding pig's blood instead of Similac. This will be a child of the corn and according to my calculations his arrival next April gives it enough time to wipe us out by December 21, 2012 - the end of the world as we know it. If Rachel still hasn't gotten her period by next week, we go into panic mode my dear readers.

The morning continued peaceful enough, but one thing was amiss. Porsche was locked out of her HOH and rumors of a Pandora's Box were rampant. A Pandora's Box at this point in the game means only one thing: keep Jordan safe. Know-it-all Kalia doesn't think it's a Pandora's Box at all. She says they still have to do nominations today and there's simply no time for a Pandora's Box to take place. Since shutting up isn't an option, Kalia continues pontificating on what if it was a Pandora's Box. If Jeff or Brendon came back into the game, she doesn't think they'd be there to play. She says they could spend their enire time yelling at her for all she cares. As long as they have no impact on the game, she's fine with them coming back. Rrrrright. First off, Shelly is the one Jeff would yell at and, secondly, when people come back they absolutely have an effect on the game (i.e. Rachel's pretzel note). Kalia is just talking to talk. That what she does best. She kills with words. Forget about that demon child, Kalia might just beat him to the punch and suck all the oxygen out of the atmosphere.

Well, like everything else in her life, Kalia was wrong about Pandora's Box. It did happen and that knucklehead Isuzu (I change her name when I'm angry with her) went ahead and opened it. Apparently, there were bottles of champagne and a gold box for Hyundai to choose from. She thought she'd be locked into the secret room where she could chug two bottles of champagne all by herself. Instead, Datsun won $5000 for her and Kalia and the blasted duos are back. The new duos are Porsche/Kalia, Adam/Shelly, and Rachel/Jordan. Fuuuuuuuuuck. Kalia was angry Chevy opened Pandora's Box while Adam tried to stay positive saying this has no bearing on the game.

As Adam is the most useless player in the game, he could not be more wrong. This puts a giant monkey wrench in everything. Now, if Jordan/Rachel are nominated and they manage to save themselves (which, let's face it, the POV will be designed for precisely this to happen), Ford will be forced to nominate Adam/Shelly meaning Shelly will most definitely go home. No wonder Adam isn't concerned about it! He's safe no matter what happens. What infuriates me most about this is you KNOW Allison and her minions sat up all night thinking of ways to keep Jordan & Rachel in the game. This whole thing feels last minute and spontaneous. It reeks of meddling. It's no secret that BB has tried to influence the game in the past, but it's become a farce at this point. There's no sanctity anymore. The purity of the game no longer exists. CBS executives clearly have their favorites and what used to be subtle manipulation is now a flagrant joke. I'm disappointed because not even smarts and savvy are enough anymore. The direction of the game depends on whether or not a curly-haired puppet master has the hots for you. It's gross and fake and I hate it.

Immediately after opening Pandora's Box, Volvo regrets it. Shelly tries to tell her it's totally fine and that now she has $5000 she didn't have before. Subaru worries that she just took $5000 over $50 or $500K. At home I punched myself in the face and screamed, "Why, why, whyyyy?!" Why did Toyota open that damn box?!? She should have taken one look at it and then walked away. It's her own fault. She made a dumb ass mistake and now we're all paying for it. I hope I'm wrong. I hope Jordan or Rachel still goes home, but watching this game for as long as I have and knowing what I know, I am lacking in optimism at this point.

Conversely, Jordan & Rachel are thrilled - as they should be. Who wouldn't be thrilled knowing the game is bending to their every whim? Rachel excitedly tells Jordan that now they have a fighting chance. All they need to do is win POV. Meanwhile, Camry is worried that if Jordan/Rachel do win that Adam will flip again. It's the only thing he's good at. Flip flop, flip flop. She warns Adam that Jordan & Rachel will be working him hard. Adam tells her she has nothing to worry about. I, for one, don't believe him for one second. I think he'll flip in a heartbeat and I also think he'll cruise right into the final 3 - perhaps the final 2. It's nauseating to think that in an Adam/Shelly or Adam/Kalia final two, Adam would probably win. Scary, isn't it?

Skipping forward to BBAD, we find Jordan & Rachel in the HOH room with Porsche & Kalia trying to make a deal. Jordan initiated it all by saying something along the lines of, "I've never talked game with y'all before because I've never talked game in the past." What the hell is she talking about? "Wull, umm, uhh Jayeff, wull." Oh shut up you idiot. That twang drives me insane. Jordan continues and tries to make a treaty. She says the other side got rid of Brendon & Jeff and her side got rid of Dani so, in her mind, they're even. Now, I'm not a genius. I'm not a rocket scientist and I don't have a PhD on my wall, but correct me if I'm wrong here.... Brendon + Jeff = 2 people. Dani = 1 person. According to what I learned when I was about three years old, 2 and 1 are not equal values.

Rachel interrupts and goes on her floater rant. She thinks both Shelly & Adam are floaters and she wants them out sooner rather than later so that Jordan/Rachel/Porsche/Kalia can be in the final four. I take issue with anyone calling Shelly a floater. She hasn't won anything yet, but her social game has been pretty stellar. She got information from both sides of the house, managed to keep Rachel off the block when Kalia was HOH, and is the reason Jeff is sunning himself at the Jury House right now. She may not be likable to some and she may not side with your favorites, but I don't think anyone can say Shelly hasn't been playing since day one.

Jordan gets up to leave the HOH, but Rachel isn't ready to go yet. Jordan tries to shove Rachel out the door, but Rachel doesn't budge. She has more to say and it's basically a bunch of b.s. about how she's honest and will tell you straight to your face what she's thinking. Somewhere an angel plummeted to it's death in that moment. RIP sweet angel. The whole grody scenario ends with Kalia happy. She's always happy when she feels like the Oldies are somewhat on her side. This is what makes her such a shitty player. She lacks the cutthroatiness needed to make big moves. The Jeff eviction on her part was a fluke as far as I'm concerned. Had that been a week long HOH of hers, there's no telling what sort of cockamamie moves she would have made.

Alright, I'm going to end this here because some bitch named Irene is knocking on my door. In the event that my power goes out, there will not be a blog tomorrow. There won't be a blog because A) I won't have the power to watch the feeds, type, and post one and B) I'll have driven myself insane from having no TV and internet access. Godspeed those of you near the coastline. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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  1. You outlined the recent past BB house events accurately again as usual!

    I. too, hope that despite all evidence to the contrary, that Jordan or Rachel gets the boot,& Shelly manages to stay in the game.

    Totally agree with you that there be Allison shenanigans afoot. I couldn't watch that insipid Jordan spiel to Toyota & Kalia, anymore than I could stomach Kalia's motor-mouthed wrong "Worst-Case-Scenario-Game Strategies to Isuzu.

    I really hope despite the odds, one of the vets gets evicted.

    Best wishes to everyone with regards to Irene aftermath.

  2. Hey, back to nice bitchyness... Couldnt agree more about Allison and the rigged game... just like it was rigged for Dani... its rigged for both sides... Allison needs to be shit canned and get someone who knows how to interview people to get a better cast... This is THE worst season ever... Its disgusting.... it makes me sick the vileness that is going on... I thought last season sucked ass... This is far worse. BUT, I am glad 4 Pandora's box... un like u... I want all the newbies out... Let's have Rachel, who I hated last year win the whole damn thing!

  3. Wonderful blog! Batten down the hatches and stay safe.

  4. Awesome, as usual. If the POV competition is a blank stare contest or a who-can-dress-like-12-year-old-stripper competition, I won't be surprised.
    I am still not buying Rachel's pregnancy story. I think she is cooking it up to get air time. She isn't even due for her period yet, much less late (Flashback 7/28 2:03pm Cam 3). Obviously, given that several of their sex sessions were caught on tape and she admits/claims that they were unprotected, it is not out of the realm of possibility. I also can't imagine that the producers would deny her a pregnancy test. If she were pregnant and she told them that is was a possibility and they denied her a test and she turned out to be right, it could be a huge liability for BB and CBS if anything were to happen with the pregnancy that could be attributed to the competition.

  5. Since whoever wins has no bearing on my life whatsoever, I dont care who wins, I just want interesting tv. Which means I hope Rachel/Jordan STAY. The last thing I want in the final weeks is to have to watch Kalia eat, Shelly smoke and Pinto and Adam....what do they even do? So yeah, right now even though Id like to see Shelly win, Im all for Rachel/Jordan sticking around.

  6. I've seen people on Twitter saying the Pandora's Box and Duos thing is not CBS rigging things, that this was planned for final 6. I just can't buy that. It's too convenient. Just way too obvious. But then again, this is what they do. It shouldn't come as any big surprise anymore. I agree with what you said long as they keep doing shit like this, we'll never have another Dr. Will.

    Anyhoo, my question is, what would happen if someone refused to open Pandora's Box? Would they let them refuse it? Would they introduce that twist some other way? I can't see them setting all that up only to have Porsche say No Thank You, and being ok with it.

  7. I agree with you, like her or hate her, Shelly has played the game. I respect her game play and people have to remember this is BB. Jordan has ruined this game for me. I hated her in her season and I hate her more now. Why? because the bitch has never played this game. she goes in the house to get her feet wet. literally. She puts her feet in the pool or hot tub. She wanted to leave the other night, said she never wanted to come back in the house. Do me the favor and fucking leave. I do hope they do not win the POV (JR) but most likely they will and Shelly, the non-floater will go home. I just hope Jordan nor Adam make it to the end.

  8. Thank you Cee-LaLa for your beautiful creative bitchiness. I enjoy your vitriol even when I disagree with you, which is rare.

    CBS gets these people to sign a ridiculous stack of paperwork indemnifying them from any harm or repercussions following from their own actions, actions of other houseguests, actions of CBS staff or crew, or actions of anyone on the entire planet. This includes acquisition of STDs or becoming pregnant. CBS Legal doesn't give a sh!t about anyone except themselves and keeping their jobs. What I'm saying is, Rachel would have no legal case against CBS or Alli-G, in the end. Especially if there is deniability. That is, NO TEST RESULTS.

    If a pregnancy test came back positive, it would f^ck up Grodner's plan to have fireworks throughout the season and the promotion of the Vet-Newby farce. Rachel would be lost to Alli-G as a source of entertainment. They would have to deal with the issue on the show. It would derail Alli-G's plans. Focus would go where the Powers-That-Be wanted no spotlight shone. There is no net gain for Grodie.

    If Rachel turns out to be pregnant after the show is over, it can be turned into a winning turn-of-events. Rachel and her cro-magnon Brandon can appear on the Early Show and The Talk. Maybe there could be a reality special made of it.

    The key to this situation is to think like a sleazy reality tv producer.

  9. Ahhh! Another wonderfully wicked run down, my Gin-pickled, nipple-glittered Queen! Did you happen to see on the feeds today around 3ish p.m. est, Rachel running to the bathroom and them talking about being nautious and wanting to throw up? Guess now she knows what she does to us. I have one correction for you though... Damien's birth would not be in mid-April. Usually it is told that the birth of a demon is around the 6-month mark, so we are looking at the beginning of the end to be around late-January.

    Best wishes thru Irene. I'm batting down my gin bottle as well. Hope Irene doesn't blow the peacock blue glitter off my willy!

  10. SeeBS...seriously? This is too convenient. That twist was planned as much as America "voted" Brendon back in the house. Planned my [long string of expletives deleted]. Get ready for Jordan and Rachel to win POV, then HOH... I really don't want this to happen, but I'm not optimistic.

    I'm interested in how the POV will work. Will it feature the duos fighting together or as individuals? We've seen both iterations this season. Also, as Jordan requested, it won't be a puzzle.

    I know where dealing with the dumbest and most mentally weak cast of all-time, but how low can they set the bar? I would NEVER have opened that box while Rachel and Jordan were in the house...hell, if there were a chance they could be in the house again for ANY amount of time I'd decline. For the right price ::cough cough:: under the table, I might be inclined.

    It's amazing how hard Rachel took it when her, fiance, left the house, and when Jordan lost her "boyfriend". You have to be prepared for these things. I'd vote out my mom or girlfriend if they were messing up my game. Yes, I said it. 500K makes it easier to make an apology... or move on.

  11. I don't think Jordan is upset with Shelly over Jeff. I think she is upset that she spent 50+ days getting to know and really liking someone. Then she found out it Shelly wasn't the person she thought she was. I would be very angry with Shelly if I sacrificed a phone call from home for her and had to wear the humilitard for a week instead. But no one remembers that.

    Can't Jordan deal with her feelings the way she wants to? When Rachel asked Dani what was wrong with her on her birthday, everyone bitched about what a bitch Rachel was. But now that Shelly is doing pretty much the same thing and you advocate her slapping Jordan. Funny huh? I think Jordan should have taken the "Dick" approach and dumped a drink on Shelly's head. But I guess it's not in Jordan to behave that way.

    Not everyone is as entranced with Shelly as you are. My husband and some of his friends went to high school with her, (in the real world,) and none of them remember her as being interesting, popular or friendly.

    I hope Shelly disappears off into the sunset. She can take Kamoohla and Fiat with her too. I hope Adam wins it all. And I never thought I would ever want Adam to win, but there it is.

  12. I don't want Jordan any closer to 500 grand. Go to Adam and Shelly, tell them that Jordan is the target. Nominate teh gruesoem two some and be done with it.

    I have never disliked people as much as I have disliked Jordan and Rachel since the nerd herd of season 6. They're clueless and mean.

    Porsche is becoming one of my fav Big Brother players since Janelle. She's smarter than she looks, calmer than most Big Brother final sixers, and focused if when her partner (Kalia) is an idiot. I am cheering for her. She has at least two weeks of freedom - this and next, because Kalia is stupid.

    That being said, this is the worst season since 9, and the perfect example of why returning hosueguests is a really bad idea.

    good stuff Lala

  13. I'm on the East Coast too, good luck to everyone, especially you Lala! As for the game. I'd like to say it's being rigged even further, but Porsche was the one who opened Pandora's Box. Of course, from a girl who said after Jeff won his first money prize, she'd be okay to leave afterwards if she won the money, waving a few bills in her face probably was like Kalia and a cupcake. In any case, Shelly probably wont ever have the heart to vote out Jordan, Kalia is so delusional they'll be best buddies after the show, and Adam is a moron that Jordan pretty much has this season in the bag. The only hope is a Porsche, Adam, Jordan Final 3 and Porsche sends Jordan to Jury. I don't think Adam would win in the end since everyone would agree he didn't do jack shit throughout the whole season and was the worst floater in recent memory. Shelly isn't a floater because she was with JJ the whole game and turned on them at the right time. That's just being strategic. I just wish they'd let these fuckers play, but maybe CBS is just scared JJ Fans will ransack the place and put their heads on pikes. I wish they had MTV Real World rules, you get pregnant, you get disqualified! Rachel should be gone damn it! Oh well, stay safe everyone :P

  14. I don't get all the hate being dumped on Shelly for playing the game she needs to play to get the cash. And I'm not talking Jeff-Jordon-Rachel (Jeorchel?) hate; they at least have a reason...she'll be getting a check from Julie on Sept.15 instead of them (*crosses fingers*). I'd be pissed, too.

    But the way some of the fans have been reacting...come on, people! It's a TV show! Shelly didn't kill your kitty or drink your vodka. She's trying to win a game in which the winner gets a half million dollars. I'm a JeJo fan, but them's the breaks. The Shellster's outplaying everybody in the house, and has been all along. Yeah, yeah, she believes her own lies, but that's why everyone else believes her.

    And quit hoping Adam takes the prize. That's just wrong. Colonel Quackers has played a better game.

  15. Well I swore off BB and started up again, I am off for good. How can the world accept a child by Rachel? And whose is it?

  16. This fucking SUCKS. I am so pissed about the Pandora's Box bullshit. I think it is far too convenient for them to already have planned this, just like Brendon didn't win America's vote to go back in.

    I am so over this shit. Bring on Survivor!

  17. I agree with Barefoot Drunk. If Porshe hadn't opened the Pandora Box, CBS would have found another way to introduce the twist. Probably something from the Fortune Teller, which they haven't used yet. Watch for that if Rachel and Jordan are still floundering next week!


  18. did Julie warn that there was going to be an amazing twist? if not, they thought up that pandora's box shit this morning. why don't they just give the check to Rachel or Boston Rob or Jordan or whomever?

  19. Ducklips and bratty Downs baby won POV


    :::::rolls eyes:::::::

    Big brother is a shadow of its former self.

  20. Planned or not, Pandora's box had to be opened for the twist to be released. If Subaru over there had purchased brain implants instead of tits, perhaps the other newbies wouldn't be in this spot. People can piss off at CBS and Grod all day, but it took the dim-wit to make this happen. Hope the 5 g's were worth it. B*tch can't even buy a PORSCHE with that kind of money.

    I loved Shelly's game, but now I can't stand her. Own up to what you did, sugar! You lied, you back stabbed, you kicked a friend to the curb to (in a failed attempt) advance your own game. Cut the, "I'm so classy and dignified and loyal and bursting with gooey integrity" crap. Shelly is so obsessed with the fact that she is now in the same league as arch nemesis Rachel that she is suddenly on a hypocritical moral high ground. The difference? Rachel owns up to her flaws and lies and betrayals, and relishes in them. Shelly acts like they never happened, and that she is, in fact, Mary mother of Jebus. I'd LOVE it if she said, "Yeah, I was the ruin of a friend. DO somethin' about it." Real great players of the game make these big moves and aren't afraid. Shelly made the move and is still cowering, and blaming Jordan for feeling bad. Honey, Jordan has a right to be a weeeee bit peeved (did you honestly think she'd still want to be besties after that?), and its your own conscience making you feel bad. Get off the moral high horse and join the rest of the liars and connivers of the great BB players. There is no integrity in BB, and DEFINITELY none in you. Now ENJOY it!

  21. With each new season of BB we have seen the show drift from its original concept which most fans found to be interesting enough. The impetus on production was to come up with interesting people. That has been abandoned. Instead they rely on twists and new rules etc. The result is a big mess. This season is a benchmark for production heading in that direction. At this point, most fans know that the outcome is being steered, that HGs are coached, given lines, etc. This is really frustrating for the fans of the show that have been faithful watchers from the beginning. It is a shame in that I think many fans such as myself are rapidly losing interest and are just tired of being subjected to this nonsense. I think another production company or network can pick up the ball and return this show to its original idea because as it stands now, it is not just a shadow of its former self. It is just one big disappointing mish mosh of twists and too many fabricated elements to even follow .

  22. I'm as disgusted as everyone else, but can we please stop using Down syndrome as a derogatory term???

  23. I just wanted to bring up three things:
    1) I've been a BB fan since season one, and I just found this blog in time for BB13! *smacks self upside head* Where've you been all my BB life?! Adore. You. Lala.

    2) Rachel can't possibly be "late", since she was menstruating four weeks ago. Last week she said she was 3 wks. late, and this week she claims she's 2 wks. late. Either she's woefully confused about how her cycle works, or she's in some sort of wishful, delusional state; or she's running some kind of creepy angle to garner favor. Probably all three.

    3) To the poster who claimed Shelly wasn't interesting or popular during high school (like that means anything, but since you brought it up): She was crowned her university's Homecoming Queen. Google it.

  24. Maybe Shelly was supposed to kiss the Fortune Teller on the lips? Like with tongue? For it to give her something? Or did it already? I am getting opposing clues about this thing, but I did watch her on the Feeds for ever with nothin'. Thrn I popped a little ahead and then a little more then trees (!!!!) then, no, that meant nothing.... Ugh, damn it. Please somebody tell me she did get something, because the total deal with OBVIOUS CHEATING BY CBS is giving me a migraine and I have never had a migraine before. I would say that I would never watch CBS again, but I don't watch them AT ALL except Survivor and BB, so that's hardly a deal-breaker for them with me.
    Wait, I'm thinking a BB-induced Tourette's moment to CBS is coming on...
    Well, that's my two cents' worth.....

  25. I'm just waiting for BB to orchestrate returning Jeff to the house by announcing that there will be another America's Choice vote. Also predicting that they will find a way to include Jeff and Jordan in next year's BB as well -- I don't get it but their BB fan base is massive and I can't imagine Grodner willingly letting that go.

  26. Colette: I sincerely hope that story-telling is part of your paid career, because you do it so wonderfully and obviously enjoy it (or have an obsessive need?)

    I'm surprised that no one has commented on the sweet justice of Kalia being the one who evicted Jeff. After he told her that he was going to make her "dance for her dinner" and that "she needed to show him that she had come to play the game" she nominated his a$$ and then cast the deciding vote to kick it to the curb! How sweet is that! I was sorry to see Dani go, but I just can't stop smiling every time I think about Jeff in the jury house stewing over the fact that it was Kalia (Kalia!) who booted his behind! I'm a little modest for glitter, but I'll have a shot of gin for that.

  27. I went to sleep thinking "shit" and I woke up this morning thinking "Goddamned shit". I knew without a doubt this twist was constructed to keep Jordan safe. Why? For God's sakes Why??? What does she offer? Geeeeez!!!! Wasn't the backlash to her winning last time enough for CBS to keep them from trickery? Dani told Porche not to open that fuckin' box but she did. And she's going to lose Shelly because of it. If only K&P can convince R&J that Adam is more dangerous as there are quizzes on the horizon and keeping Shelly is better for their game (they can usually beat Shelly but probably won't beat Adam). That is the ONLY way my leather skinned chimney can be safe and I do love her. I hope she reads that there are some of us out here that respects her game play and are proud that she made a strategic move when she needed to vs. floating from power to power with each passing week. Adam absolutely sucks at this game. But, what the hell, he is still here so maybe he's the smart one. Geez, I can't believe I said that.
    Best 2 lines "raping the air with her voice" & "Kalia, not wanting a moment in time to pass without her voice molesting it," Oh god you are funny!
    BTW, why did I think you were a Pacific girl??? Stay safe!

  28. First of all - I hope ev1 is safe w/little or no damage. I am a So. Jersey shore evacuee, on my laptop, at my daughter's, hoping I can get the kids to turn Sponge Bob off long enough for me to watch BB tonite (can't go home 'til tomorrow.) I can't believe all the hate out there for Shelly. I heard there was a Facebook page where they were petitioning to take her child away. This game is getting crazy - ppl are taking it too seriously. I worry abt the people when they get out, seeing all the hate. It seems to get worse ev. year. It's just a game folks - lighten up!!!

  29. I agree, PatG- that's really fucked up.

  30. Can you please do the world a favor and write a book???? Or how about doing comedy shows!! You are SO funny and have so much creative talent!!

    Whenever I read your blog I have to make sure not to have any drinks or food on hand since I would (and have in the past) spit it out in a laughing fit over what you wrote!

    I'm serious here...the world needs more people like you to make them laugh and enjoy life! And I'm one of them :) Sooooo glad I stumbled on your blog.

  31. To the person who told me to Google how Shelly was crowned her university's Homecoming Queen:

    I stand by the fact that real people who knew her in HIGH school did not find her interesting, popular or friendly. I was simply imparting the impression she left on some of her fellow students.

    You must be one of those people who believe that being a Homecoming Queen AUTOMATICALLY makes you interesting, popular and friendly. I mean you took the time to Google Shelly, so you're the expert.

    I have to go now. The Blair Witch is in my yard. Later, I will be posting the details of my encounter with her online for Google to find. It's true. You can look it up.

    Lala: Love your Blog! I may not always agree, but you always make me laugh. Thank you.

  32. I just think its creepy that so many people know when Rachel has her periods.

  33. I hope Porsche enjoys her 5 grand because she just handed Jordan another 500.


    I want to like Porsche so much but everytime she steps one step forward she takes two back. Rachel wins veto which means she can take her and Jordan off. Shelly and Adam go up. Shelly's gone. Which makes her the dumbest player in recent memory. Just stupid.

    Kalia has to win HoH next week or she's gone. Porsche cant lose anything for the next 3 comps or she's gone.

    I think it's going to be Jordan and Adam or Jordan and Porsche in the final two. No one will vote for Adam or Porsche over Jordan except Dani and Kalia. Jordan wins two Big Borthers depsite being ignorant, entitled, cluesles, lame, and hateful to the game.

  34. I 100% agree with Rumpole. Only a weirdo would keep track of Rachel's periods.

  35. Actually, when the women in the house bitch about being on the rag NONSTOP, it's very easy to remember roughly when they last had it. I doubt someone is sitting somewhere keeping a log of the women's menstrual cycles. Actually, who knows? With the complete nutjob fanbase this year, that very well might be the case.

  36. Hell, I don't know Ms. Lala. I just have had to stop IMing on those chat sites on the live feeds. Holy shit those people are stupid. I can't take it and only get pissy with them so I just leave. There are people who actually should be on medication with regard to this stupid, rigged show.

  37. Just to ease everyone's mind, thank the good lord, or whoever, as of 1:20 this afternoon (Mon.) Rachel is not with (demon) child. She announced to Jordan on the live feed that she took a test and it was negative. Throws glitter in the air! Everyone can now sleep peacefully knowing that the retched pair has not reproduced at this time. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!