Shake, Rattle, and Roll

It began as a low rumbling. Garble garble rumble rumble. And then, the ground convulsed and the windows shook. Exciting and scary, loud and strange, confusing and thrilling. Was it Jordan creating a thought? Was it Adam saying something even remotely interesting? Was it Rachel angering the Baby Jesus with her Bible reading? The seismologists of the world say it was an earthquake - an east coast earthquake. Pshaw right! I think you and I both know it was the wrath of the Big Brother gods. Those bored bastards can't take it anymore so now they're beating on their drums all angry like and demanding the fresh blood of young virgins to keep this season afloat. Let's recap, shall we?


Admittedly, I didn't watch a whole lot of the feeds yesterday, but I'm sick of you people calling me a cunt whenever I don't post (Although I think there's a compliment buried in there somewhere. I mean, there has to be. Why else would you be so angry? Whatever.). I shall begin with a continuation of my love affair with Shelly - the only woman doing a damn thing in this game. Our leathery goddess, our scuffed briefcase, starts bright and early making yet another pitch to Adam to keep Daniele in the house. Shelly is itching to make a big move in the game and she needs Adam by her side to do it. Adam, however, thinks he'll get to the end by "winning competitions". Uh, come again? He's also scared that Jordan will nominate him if he sides with the Newbies. Ok, never in my life have I ever heard of anyone being scared of Jordan which proves my next point - ADAM IS A GIANT PUSSY.



Adam is indeed a giant pussy. He's weak. He's feeble. He likes being bossed around. He's scared of idiot blonde girls. And, he can't think for himself. I hate to say "I told you so" (not really), but I had this guy pegged from the get-go. All talk, no pizazz. No wow factor. Just a superfan who's a superdouche. He thinks his love of 90210 and penchant for girly drinks makes him quirky and lovable. Wrong! It makes you an insufferable nerd with nothing to offer the world but a nauseatingly scratchy voice. I said from the start that he was a waste of a good casting spot and I stand by it. How fucking hard is it to find someone interesting to place in the house? I mean, seriously? Robyn Kass should be kicked out of Hollywood for her complete and utter inability to cast reality shows in a successful manner (Hey, I saw Love In The Wild. That was also a giant sucky borefest.) I could go up the road to the local 7-11 and pick up a whole gaggle of interesting people. Sure, they'd be drunk with Slim Jim's hanging out of their noses, but they'd be interesting.

(I want this photo poster sized - beautious!)

So, Shelly is trying. God bless her, she's trying. She knows what the deal is. She knows she'll never win this game if she keeps protecting Jeff & Jordan. More importantly, she knows she needs to stop Rachel from taking home $50,000. So far, Adam hasn't ratted her out to Jeff & Jordan which, let's face it, is nothing short of a miracle. He shirks her suggestions and goes on and on about how scared he is of Daniele, but he still hasn't told Jeff & Jordan that Shelly is conspiring against them. It is because he hasn't ratted that I'm holding onto a tiny little frayed smidgen of hope. Hope that he's still weighing his options. Hope that he's noncommittal. Hope that he'll see the light before Thursday. I think it was Kalia who said the other day that she's annoyed how all the votes seem to linger on which way Adam will swing. I'm annoyed too. It's extremely frustrating when all the power lies in the hands of a useless lump.



Speaking of Kalia, she like literally, obviously, literally 100% point plank, period, won't shut up. Maybe she started the earthquake. Perhaps the bedrock and tectonic plates began to pucker and shift because she's using up all the earth's oxygen. I guess she has to try and save herself, but it's still annoying. She tells Adam that she's really not sleeping as much as people think she is. In fact, she's daydreaming about her boyfriend. Are we assholes because only an asshole would believe a line like that? Speaking of boyfriends, Kalia wonders why Rachel is with Brendon. Especially since she hates Los Angeles and can't get a job. Kalia thinks something very dark and twisty must have happened to Rachel when she was little to make her so dependent on someone else. Adam wonders why Rachel doesn't just commute back and forth to Vegas (it's 4 hours away!) and Kalia says she doesn't want to be away from Brendon at all during the week. It's a dumbass conversation that really has no bearing on the game, but I sat and listened so now you have to sit and read about it.


Out in the backyard, Rachel tells Shelly that she's nervous that Porsche and Adam will vote to keep Daniele. Shelly counters by saying that she wonders where they (she and Rachel) will fall in the alliance when it comes to the end. What a sly puss she is. Rachel shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, we'll need to win HOH's." *sigh* Stupid harlot. Rachel confesses that there are times when she and Jeff don't get along. She wonders aloud if maybe one day they'll nominate her, but then quickly poo-poo's the idea saying that she'd never nominate them. No way. No how. *Grrrr!* Shelly takes a long drag on her cigarette and agrees. What else can she do? Rachel is alone in the game at this point and her beefy bohunk boyfriend has instructed her to stick with Jeff & Jordan. Rachel would be one tough nut to crack even for a mindfucker like Shelly.

It's no secret that I want to Daniele to stay in the game, but I've gotta say that she's going about it all wrong. I don't know if it's slop brain or brattiness, but her ability to campaign yesterday was extremely weak. She begins by telling Adam that there's no way he'll make it to the end unless he starts winning competitions. Strange to insult the very guy whose vote you're trying to get. Daniele assures him she'll get the next HOH if she stays in the house. Adam flounders and says he's incredibly intimidated by Daniele in the game. Daniele is confused. She asks him how she's more of a threat that Jeff, Jordan, and Rachel. Adam says that he sees Rachel as more of a target than a threat. Daniele, in a very accusatory voice, says, "Are you kidding?" *sigh* Daniele, pumpkin, you can't act holier than thou when you're trying to reel someone in. I realize you're angry. I realize Adam is an idiot, but you really need to work on your people skills.

Here's what I would have done: I would have run down what is going to happen in the last final weeks. I'd ask Adam who he thinks would go on the block if only Jeff, Jordan, Shelly, and Rachel were left in the game. I'd reiterate over and over exactly just how low he is on that totem pole. Then, I'd go in for the kill. I'd offer him a final two deal. I'd tell him I'd nominate Shelly and Porsche before I'd ever nominate him. I'd tell that asshole anything and everything he wants to hear in order to get his vote. This bitchy bullshit that Daniele is pulling isn't savvy and it isn't smart. Adam is looking for a people pleaser. He's looking for protection. So, offer it to him! Point out how Jeff & Jordan can only protect him for maybe one more week. Offer him the world. Tell him he'll never win against J/J/R in a final two. Tell him anything! Tell him everything! Just, tell him! Sitting around eye rolling and making him feel like a dumbass won't win him over. It's actually shocking how poorly Daniele is trying to save herself. Shelly is better at saving Daniele than Daniele is at saving Daniele.



The conversation continues but it's flimsy and lackluster. Daniele tries to reiterate how much of a target she is. Adam responds by calling her a threat. Round and round it goes. The real cringeworthy moment was when Daniele said her dad would hate Adam for evicting her. Oy. Really? Adam just laughs it off and says Evel Dick already hates him. Shelly approaches and the conversation ends. No progress is made and, if anything, Daniele just hurt her case even more.

With Daniele doing such a shitty job trying to save herself and Adam being so stubborn, it seems like only a miracle could get Kalia out of the house this week. Could that miracle be Jeff himself? Much later on, Jeff tells Adam he knows about his secret alliance with Porsche. He's pissed off about it and he can't have that from him as they go forward in the game. That, right there, should have been a big giant flag to Humpty Dumpty that Jeff will turn on him lightening quick. In all honesty, I'm surprised Jeff even went there. One would think he'd simply kiss Adam's ass to get through this week and perhaps next week too should Adam win HOH. Thankfully, Jeff's short temper and arrogance makes it very hard for him to keep his trap shut. Still, regrettably, Adam doesn't flinch. In fact, he turns up the brown nosing. He kisses Jeff's ass even harder (if that's possible). That's the problems with men with no balls - they are utterly USELESS.







As it stands right now, Adam isn't budging on his vote to evict Daniele. Daniele did a shit job trying to save herself and Shelly can really only do so much. It looks like we'll be stuck with the delicious morsel above for at least another week. Hide yo' crackers. Hide yo' chips. I'm off tomorrow, but I'll be back on Thursday and hopefully I'll be writing about Porsche up in her HOH. I can't believe I'm rooting for Porsche now. Who would a' thunk it? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!