Friday, August 26, 2011

It's A Got Got Celebration!


I'd like to open today's blog with an exact reenactment of what I did last night. Please to enjoy:







Let's recap, shall we?

When all hope seemed lost, when the sadness overwhelmed us, when it appeared we had nothing left to live for... a miracle happened! A sexy little miracle wrapped up in velvet and tied tight with a giant ribbon bounced into our lives. The man who thought he had it all - the perfect fake relationship, the coaching from the Diary Room, scores of adoring menopausal women - is gone bitches! He got punched in the face with a jolt of reality and was sent packing. It's ok though. He'll be fine. Surrounded by past issues of Homophobic Monthly, he'll spend the rest of his summer shrouded in embarrassment and regret. It's a Festivus miracle! It's a Got Got celebration! Grab those bowls of glitter I told you to put on your windowsill at the beginning of the season and get ready to do some dippin' - some nipple dippin' that is.


Daniele is gone, Jeff is gone (woohoo!), and two very happy young ladies take an opportunity to celebrate. Giddy with excitement and bursting with joy, Kalia and Porsche are beside themselves with glee. Once again, Kalia dominated a question comp while Porsche finally sailed her way to a physical comp victory. As that POV competition was clearly designed with a Jeff victory in mind, Porsche nailed it while Jeff hurled one of the very shoes he was looking for right out of the box. Hahaha sucker!



Not everyone is happy though. There are two more little girls who are sad. Awww. Sad and weepy to be exact. *giggles* Jordan is furious things didn't go her way so now she's going to throw a gigantic tantrum and attack a woman who did only what was best for her game. You see, it's fine for Jeff, Jordan, and Rachel to play skillfully and tell lies. It's fine for Jeff to attack Shelly minutes before the live show, but somehow, in that tiny little raisin Jordan calls a brain, it's not fine for Shelly to defend herself and play strategically. Immediately after the live show ends, Jordan flies off the handle and accuses Shelly of mocking Jeff & Jordan in the DR throughout the entire game. Shelly tells Jordan she's not there to play Jeff's game. *Oh snap!* Shelly is there to play her own game. Jordan screams, "I gave you a fucking phone call!" and at home I poured a magnum of Cristal all over my naked chest. Sensing that Jordan was about to do or say something really stupid (which is pretty much par for the course), Rachel rushes in and escorts her to the Starburst Room where together they cry and lament over how their men did everything they could to protect them. *gag*

Jordan whines about how evil Daniele is, "She's such a dumb bitch. Wearing too much eye make-up!" Really Jordan? Really? You have nothing better to criticize about Daniele than her make-up? How very stoic and mature of you. Jordan continues burbling about how she should have never voted out Brendon. I suppose you could say Jordan feels like she "got got" by Shelly. *fireworks burst overhead* It's poetic really. It's all perfect and Aesop-y how everything that goes around comes around and people finally get what they deserve. I've always felt that stupidity and ignorance should never be rewarded. Jordan winning her season of Big Brother made me question the order of the universe and what the grand master flash plan was for all of humanity. Sure enough, she's spent thousands of her prize money on Jeff and now she has nothing to show for it, but a phony relationship and a disturbing complacency about it all.



Through the tears and the moans, Jordan finds one thing to be happy about. She's used her fingers to do some adding and she's realized that the Oldies control the votes in the Jury House. LOL so what Jordan? You're still going to have to vote for a Newbie to win. You're still going to have to reward that money to someone you feel doesn't deserve it. It's sort of like when you got the money your season, isn't it? Again, what goes around, comes around. Beauteous.



Meanwhile in the Tarot Card Room, Adam is busy doing his usual Thursday night flip. It's a weekly ritual he's become quite good at. It involves sucking the teat of the side of the house that's in power. It's gotten him this far. Why not try it again? Adam tells Kalia he voted the way he did against Daniele because Jeff, Jordan, and Rachel treated him well. Clearly, he missed out on all the convos that took place behind his back - the ones where Jeff mocked him and Jordan planned his eviction. Add another idiot onto the fire. If there was an "America's Favorite Floater" award, Adam would be the undisputed winner.



While all of this is going on, our leathery goddess is having herself a good cry as well. She feels bad about having to turn on Jeff & Jordan. She never meant to hurt them and we all know she's telling the truth. She went into this game looking up to them and defending them a little too much, but we all knew that eventually the glossy veneer would dull and she'd see those two assholes for who they really are - selfish and entitled. It's Jeff own fault really. Had he not been such a bullying dick to everyone, he'd probably still have Shelly in his back pocket. So now Shelly is sort of wiped out and exhausted. You know those cries you have when you're plum tuckured out? Your body is spent and you just want to curl up in bed and veg out to a My So-Called Life marathon or something. Well, that's where Shelly is right about now. She's spent.



Kalia tells Shelly that from here on out it's four against two. They just need to stick together and ride this thing out to the end. Shelly nods and sniffles about what a hypcrite Jeff is. She doesn't understand why it was ok for him to play his own game, but it was never ok for her to play her own game. Porsche tells her not to worry about. Jordan already won the $500K two years ago. She doesn't need or deserve to win it again. Shelly is thankful for her new sisters in the house and it's sort of sweet how Kalia & Porsche have rallied around her to buoy her spirits.



Back in the Starburst Room, a delicious festival of tears is taking place. Jordan is still yammering on and on about she controls the vote in the Jury House and Rachel wonders if perhaps one of them can still make it to the end. Jordan thinks it's a lost cause for both of them and Rachel says they should have all just gone out of the game in the first four weeks and collected their guaranteed stipend. In case you're wondering, the Oldies are getting paid twice what the Newbies are and it sounds like they were either guaranteed a spot in the Jury House (which would explain why Brendon came back into the game) or getting paid for the entire run of the season regardless of when they got out of the game.

As sniffling is only fun to Rachel when she has a sympathetic audience, she wipes her nose and wonders where her stuffed dog, Colonel Quackers, is. If those meanies out in the Living Room can send her and Jordan's doofus boyfriends home, then Rachel wants Colonel Quackers back and she wants him now. With a furl of her lip and a stomp, Rachel marches out of the Starburst Room and says to Shelly, "You took out my fiance. You took out Jeff. I want my stuffed dog back." Shelly replies, "I didn't take your dog sweetheart." Ha! Sweetheart! God, I love Shelly. Rachel puts her hands on her hips and says in a tough menacing voice, "Who hid Colonel Quackers?" *laughs* It's hard to be scary when you say the name "Colonel Quackers" you harlot. Rachel is insistent, but Shelly, Kalia, and Porsche swear they have no idea where it is. (Note: I am told that Shelly did indeed hide the stuffed dog which, of course, means my admiration for her grows exponentially.)



Frustrated and angry, Rachel stomps back into the Starburst Room where Jordan is still miserable and crying. *dumps an entire bowl of glitter over self* All I've wanted all season long is Jeff gone and Jordan crying about it. Jordan says herself she never wanted to come back to the Big Brother house in the first place and, to hardcore fans like all of us, it's incredibly infuriating to hear something like that. Watching her spend the entire summer hiding under the covers and sleeping is an insult to Big Brother fans. She took up a space that could have been occupied by Matt, Ragan, Ronnie or a slew of other people who'd be more than happy to play and play with a vengeance. I understand that people like and adore Jordan and to those people I ask... Doesn't it bother you that she never wanted to be there? Doesn't it rattle some sort of anger inside of you that she wants to get evicted next week and be done with the whole thing? We all invest so much time in this show and to see someone not give a shit about the opportunity they've been given is a slap in the face.







Before I can get any angrier about Jordan wasting my time, she very graciously gives me another precious gift. The tears begin to fall more rapidly and her face contorts into all sorts of glorious shapes. A fairy friend fluttered nearby and together we took tiny thimble shots of gin. I threw my top off and Bindweed Rainbowtree (that's my fairy's name) tried to take her top off too, but it got tangled in her drunken wings. Together we laughed and laughed. Her laugh is high and lilting while mine is more of an Anderson Cooper fit of giggles. Bindweed and I decided to take a shot everytime Jordan sniffled and then another shot everytime she wiped her eyes. By the end of the night we were both pantsless and face first into an empty bathtub. I've got a hell of a hangover and a crick in my neck, but it was all worth it. In fact, I've recorded a loop of Jordan crying and I plan on playing it whenever life decides to serve me lemons. A couple seconds of "Sniffle, sniffle, burble, burble, Jayeff..." and I'll be right as rain again. Thanks Jordan!



While the cryfest continues, Kalia's confidence grows into that motormouth thing she does whenever she wins something. She's telling story after story of inane crap that no one cares about while simultaneously wondering where her HOH basket is and if she can eat it yet. Porsche & Kalia discover the basket in the Storage Room and are both thrilled to find Nair inside. Kalia's letter is from her boyfriend and I don't think I'm the only one surprised he actually exists.





Let's check back into the Starburst Room, shall we? Awww would you look at that? Now both Rachel and Jordan are bawling their eyes out. Seriously ladies, you're spoiling me. Feel free to spread out your hiccup-y nonsense over the course of the next several days. There's no rush here. While instant gratification is nice and all, I'll also take little spurts here and there.

The feeds go down for a little while and when they come back, guess what happens? Porsche is our new HOH! *glitter falls from the sky* Can this week get any better? Of course it can. Check it out...



She's gone fetal! *fanfare* They both start bawling again over one of them going home and Jordan says that all the old HG's are probably cheering right now (yup). She admits that they all hate her (well, that's what happens when someone undeserving gets a prize and then alienates themself). Not one to be outdone, Rachel admits that they all hate her too. Actually, that's not true. Rachel has much more support from the old HG's than Jordan does. But who cares about all that? All I care about is that now these two sappy morons have to pack up Jeff's things for him. While they pack Jordan takes yet another opportunity to bash Daniele. She keeps saying Dani is trying to be like her dad which I don't understand at all. It's a flimsy argument that holds no weight. Daniele is nothing like her father and I think she's proved that she played her own game this season. Jordan is just so incredibly trite that the only things she can think to criticize Daniele for areher make-up and whatever the Zingbot said about her. Original thoughts aren't exactly Jordan's forte. Little snippy bursts of childlike petulance are more her speed.

The pouting continues throughout most of BBAD while Porshe dances around the house and talks to imaginary Jeff's in the mirror. "Sorry I had to beat you," she says. "I simply couldn't let you win the POV, could I?" Normally, something like this would annoy me, but I'm in a good mood tonight so let Porsche have her moment. Rock it out girl. You deserve it.

Finally, Porsche gets her HOH room. She nixed her plan to wear a bikini during the reveal and settled on her standard pink tracksuit instead. She scurries around the room pointing out who's who in all the photos while Shelly shouts, "Yay!" and Jordan chokes back tears. Rachel wanders from photo to photo with her arms crossed while Kalia scopes out the treats in Porsche's HOH basket. Porsche continues to scamper around whooping everytime she discovers something new. "My own bible, whoop!", "My bitch mints, whoop!", "That's my older brother, whoop!", "Whoop! I got a Ped Egg, yes!" She reads her letter from her little brother while Jordan is literally weeping to herself. It was a perfect ending to a perfect evening and I couldn't have asked for anything better. Thank you Big Brother gods for finally listening. I was running out of virgins to sacrifice.

The plan is to evict Rachel and, to be honest, I'd much rather they got rid of Jordan first. It scares me when people let her slither through the game, but, then again, maybe she'll fight with Shelly some more. We'll see. So, what did you guys think of last night? Did you dip your breasts in glitter (willy's for the men) or did you hurl your body off of the top of your nearest skyscraper? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!



Watch Big Brother 13 on SuperPass!

57 comments:

  1. LOLOLOL!!! I can't stop laughing! You've brought tears to my eyes! Especially the Stayin Alive Strut!

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  2. First time I'm reading your blog...and last.
    Wow! Could you be any more hateful & cruel?
    I truly hope you never find yourself being bad-mouthed to the degree you rail against others.
    While I love Big Brother, I didn't gloat either time Brendan was voted out, despite the fact I wasn't a big fan of his. I didn't gloat when Dani was evicted. I certainly didn't act like you have.
    I'm beyond disappointed to read words like yours. Have a heart for a fellow human being. Yes, these folks went on a reality show for money & as entertainment, but, you go a little too far.
    I'd say you should be ashamed, but I know you're far too proud to admit shame, even if you felt it. All I can hope is that you are never the brunt of someone else's "bitchy" blog post. Even you don't deserve to be mocked or bad-mouthed. No one does.

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  3. RIP Big Jeff, RIP.
    Your rugged good looks, Adonis-like body, and sexier then it has any right to be soul patch, will be missed. Those of us who truly understood you, appreciated you, and, well, yes, may have had a little man-crush on you, feel the pain of your loss deeply. The world is not a fair place and your untimely departure from BB proves this more then anything I can imagine. So, rest well my friend. Recharge, renew, and bang some tight groupie ass. I look forward to seeing you in some future CBS vehicle that I'm certain is already in development. Big Jeff, you left us too soon. We barely new thee...

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  4. Kalia with her nose in Porsche's HOH basket, at the same time Adam has his face in the HOH fridge!!

    Don't forget... Where is Rachel's stuffed dog?? Why, it is actually IN the very tissue box that Rachel herself takes into the starburst room so she and Jordon have tissues to cry with!

    The whole time she complains she can't find the dog and it's just 6 inches from her in the taped up tissue box on the night stand. LOL

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  5. As a devout fan of Jordeff and Rachel I will admit that as painful as last night was, this entry made me literally LOL. Well played, Lala!

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  6. I am beyond thrilled at the outcome last night. They only thing that would have been better was for Dani to stay and for Kalia to have gone, but I will take this.

    Is it possible for their (J/R) anguish to be transferred to me as joy? 'Cause i think it's happening.

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  7. Hey, anonymous/"First time reader." Next time just call Collete a cunt. She likes that ;)

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  8. I screamed so loud that I woke the neighbors. The more they cried the more I screamed. Justice has come to BB. Good by in advance Jordan and whats her face.

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  9. Looking for a large vat of glitter for myslef....
    Finally the king is dead and none too soon as far as I am concerned.
    What a couple of pampered assholes (JJ) I love your point about the other HG's not being able to play their own game, it's as if evryone was just there to get JJ to the end. I guess CBS has to scrap that pilot they shot for JJ and their alleged new tv show, just run a Dumb and Dumber marathon and all will be well.
    I know this is just a game and the hate is only temporary but I do hope that the GLAAD protesters are waiting outside for Big Jeff to make him and CBS answer to why a homophobic asshole was on BB twice.
    It's drinking time for me.
    Cheers, Sausage...

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  10. I'm reading that Porsche is contemplating taking Jordon to the end so the vets don't control the jury vote. *sigh*.

    Of course, she's contemplating this out loud to Kalia.

    Thought she said she didn't have to play dumb anymore?

    Nicely done, Lala. You never fail to disappoint.

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  11. Oh, and Anonymous First Timer (they're always anonymous, aren't they?)....what exactly did you expect a "bitchy blog" to be, anyway?

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  12. Hallelujah! The megalomaniacal, delusional, homophobic Jeff has left the building. "BB", always tried to hide Jeff's dark side by editing him favorably. Last night, we had a small glimpse of his arrogant ego. Hopefully, his nitwit faux girlfriend will follow ASAP. Hand me the glitter.

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  13. I just want to see Rachel's face finish its metamorphosis and become a full-on parrot.
    What a harlot!

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  14. Ha! It's a Festivus miracle!

    "Festivus For The Rest Of Us!!!"

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  15. Lady, you never fail to crack me up. I never miss a blog and am always amazed with your talent and story telling skills.

    For anonymous who tried to take you to task, go to twitter and check out the vile hate being spewed out by Jeff fans, even going so far as threatening to call CPS on Shelly because she has lied and backstabbed In a game of lying and backstabbing.

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  16. my wife (jeff/Jordan mega fan) and I spent an hour arguing and throwing stuff at the tv.

    I've always dug Porsche and Shelly. I'm glad my instincts were right about them.

    Jeff and Jordan acted so well (or at least were edited so well) on The Amazing Race. To watch act like a-holes this season was beyond disappointing.

    This sounds crazy, but I'me hoping Rachel survives this week and either Jordan or Adam go. They're worthless. Plus Jeff's rear end will be ready for kissing after 7 days.

    Go corvette err uhhhh Porsche Go

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  17. lala is an asshole and an insenseitive person!!!!!!!!

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  18. People, people, this is a satirical blog. It's kind of like a television or radio program you dislike -- change the channel. If you don't care for this blog -- then don't read it!

    As to the game: Shelly's getting more & more interesting. Bet Jordan is regretting giving her that phone call. Seems to have really perked up Shelly's game.

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  19. I too am a JJ fan, which is rather embarrassing but anyhoo, I can live with Jeff gone, what I cannot live with is to continue watching the live feeds where Kalia will yap yap eat yap...boring and annoying!

    I do love your blog no matter who you back, it is the best so thank you for that!
    Lea

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  20. lala doesn't have a heart and is mean I hope this happens to her someday!

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  21. lala and her significant other should go on big brother together and her significant other should be voted out! I bet she would be crying too something bad needs to happen to her!!! Jordan is a smart girl and is kind and sweet and was provoked!!! I think that needs to happen to LALA

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  22. Lol... you mean insensitive cunt! How dare you say something bitchy in a Bitchy Blog post? I hope you run out of glitter and gin at the same time! I hope you finally find your missing leprechaun and he's become a JeJo fan! You have no right to LIVE, you heartless wench!

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  23. I did not touch my glitter. Nope. I wanted Dani to stay and now I am hoping that some how some way Rachel wins the Veto.

    I do adore Jordon. I just do. I know all her faults but those pictures of her crying are like looking at a little lost puppy and that makes me sad.

    I'm fine with Jeff going home and I am o.k with Jordon going to the Jury house. I just can't stand the thought of Kalia or Adam winning this game.

    Shelly will not win. It's fine to play your own game. No judgment there...I just think she waited too long. She let it get too personal.

    Porsche...eh. Just eh. But i think out of that 4 she will get the Vets votes.

    I really wanted to see Dani take this but here I sit rooting for Rachel.

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  24. Love your writings.
    ArtMaggot

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  25. "Staying Alive" strut priceless !

    Can't we have a special eviction: Rachel and Jordan together?

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  26. Dear Lala haters,
    Please learn to fucking spell. Thank you.
    Love and kisses,
    Sug

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  27. Love your blog and the whinny bitches that always post anonymously on your blog.

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  28. This is hilarious! I was so glad to see Jeff gone. To those commenters saying how mean Lala is, uhh... that's way this is called the BITCHY Big Brother Blog. Sheesh.

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  29. For all the people that think Shelly has been a floater - she has been dead-loyal to Jeff and Jordan.

    Being savvy and enough of a 'people person' to get info out of EVERYONE in the house is not what defines a floater. Adam is a floater. He has flopped sides more than a fish out of water. More than a nursing sow. He's flipped more than hand-made pizza dough.

    Shelly, from her first vote ever in the house, picked a side and stuck with it until yesterday. She has flown in the face of opposition and numbers to stick with that side.

    That she's gathered intel isn't a negative of her game play but proof positive of how well she *has* played.

    She jumped ship before the numbers were even on her side but she jumped at exactly the right time.

    I would want Shelly on my side in a battle or in the boardroom. She doesn't have to be my New Best Friend and that isn't what playing BB is about. She can certainly convince someone she's their New Best Friend, but that's on the damn dummy who was looking for a friend on a reality television show.

    That Shelly played the "I'm a sweet Mama with a shoulder to lean on" card and all those umdumbs fell for it is on the umdumbs. Shelly is a smart executive-level business woman in a male-dominated industry. I expected nothing less than what she has delivered to-date.

    I'll bet dollars to donuts that were Shelly a guy, no one would be writing this stuff about her. Everyone (on paper) loves Jeff and that dicktard has made similar game play AND went on a homophobic rant to boot!

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  30. despised this rant.. despise the leather dude, the eating cow and the mac truck waitress .. and let me not forget the one whose toungue has been up so many posteriors..

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  31. Lala - you had me laughing hysterically at your thoughts on last night's double eviction. You said it all so much better than I could have - hitting the nail right on the head - it's always better when your side wins and Jordan and Rachel have a lot to learn and not much time to learn it. Rachel should remember how she treated Danielle last week - but, of course, she won't. Some people never learn. Will read everything you post from now on. Muchos Gracias!!

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  32. ajdury, couldn't agree with you more. You described Shelly and her game-play perfectly. Sheer genius!!! She has played each and every one of them to a tee. Outstanding!!! What a pleasure watching someone who has figured out this game and how to play it.

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  33. Brilliant, as usual, perhaps your best yet!
    All I have to say is that I scared the shit outta my cat clapping (shot out like a firework blew out her butt) firstly when Kalia won HOH and then, moments after my precious little Biko had only just settled again, when Porsche won the Veto!
    And I gotta admit, though I am actually a very caring person, mainly to other nice people, unlike JJ and Retch-el, I was really glad that Jordan was crying and moreso once they both were! When she keeps saying she is done, I yell at the screen, GO GO GO!! But she acts like she doesn't even hear me....
    My two cents' worth....

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  34. I'm tired of hearing how Jordan "gave" Shelly a phone call. She traded it for a POV, which is the exact thing they were playing for.

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  35. Your blogs are deliciously funny..but your heart is as smokey black as Shelly's and your liver is as crater-like as Rachels. I have been ray'in on Shelly's game for some time now..she is a total douche of a person. Glad that Jeff left..but the f'n Adam still sitting there annoys me to all hell. Girlsss..please vote that useless lump of bacon lard out!!!!!!!!

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  36. I guess my real question is, will the world come to an end of the whisker box is knocked up? I am genuinely surprised no one is talking about it yet. I would guess the pregnancy issue won't come up on live TV as that STD ridden skank would more likely rip it out with a hanger than ruin her Botox-free *wink wink nudge nudge* body. I'm glad that douche nozzle Jeff got his ass handed to him, and wish I could be there to see Dani fall to the floor in a fit of giggles when he pouts into the jury house. I wish I could be there to hear Dani tell Jeff to lick her balls, it would be worth every single second of torture this season has been to watch.

    I am filled with deep regret that I am now faced with choosing to stand behind the car (once a sleek two door vessel, now slowly expanding to more of a family van), or the leather faced cigarette pushing bull rider. Card dealer? Whatthefuckever. Note to the producers: do better next time or I’m done watching your show. Note to the anonymous jackass at the top: really? REALLY? I have a bumper sticker for you, “Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.” To the blog bitch: I will toss glitter in your name, I will vagazzle everything in my house, and I salute you for making my day, once again, with your humor and ability to spin a wonderful tale…

    L...

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  37. I love this blog more than my conversations with my therapist, I may have to think about where I focus my transference ...

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  38. Love your blog - HILARIOUS!
    Love the comments on this site! The "Anonymous" haters are always fun to try and understand. Wonderful post ADJURY :)

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  39. Cellulitus(Pinto's Greek name)August 26, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Lets recap: Production pulled every trick known to Vampires and Fairies to save the dark hearted dimwitted Witch Dani, to no avail, leather face had a chainsaw! Jeff is an bigoted Werewolf who hates Shifters because it's not natural. Production hates the Werewolf and cast no spells to help him. Anyone who thinks they did is a gin drenched glittered up brat just like the Witch.

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  40. These other anonymous posts are a testament to just how incredibly delusional and ridiculous j/j fans are. Just like Jeff himself, they are self-righteous, judging, ignorant people. If you don't like bitchy people, don't open a blog with bitchy in the title! That's like opening a Playboy and getting mad when there are boobies inside!

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  41. so its ok for shelly to cry but not jordan... man coletta, this is the 1st time i have ever gotten pissed. and its cool that porsche made jordan sick with mixing too much benifiber in the protein drinks, and its ok that shelly can take rachels stuffed animal but rachel gets sent to the dr for taking hers.... and today... freaking today, porsche is taking about a physical comp with a medicine ball and has a forced BB abortion... sorry. all time f'n low... this season and all they hypocrites make me sick... this double standard bullshit is off the chart...

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  42. ajdury- nicely stated.

    I REALLY wanted Dani to stay and win, but Jeff getting voted out right after her was the second best thing that could have happened.

    I agree with whomever said they'd like to see Dani/Jeff in the jury house. I REALLY hope they show Dani giggling like an 80's kid who got a My Little Pony for Christmas.

    I wish they'd get that Lard-chewing child, molesting-looking motherfucker out of the house though. Uncle Fester, indeed.

    The way the JeJo fans act are making me sick, and on every other site I got to, people are fucking psyched Dani got voted out. Fuck them all.

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  43. Hey " anonymous" JERK"!! Yeah YOU and we ALL know who u are!!!! Quit with the shit! Obviously, you must be someone close to J/J because Look At The Blog Name... Come on, we ALL have agreed that this season of BB13 SUCKS!!! It is a horrendous letdown!!! All year we have been waiting for the next BB because last season sucked BALLS! Then, to come into this? What a frakkin JOKE!!!! I have to say I'm quite Pissed about Pandora's Box BUT, thanks again to production, ( although the self-entitled VETS so so so so deserved what was dished out to them) most likely, the vets ( JR) will be in charge with the next HOH! Mark my words, I'm NOT a betting gal but... Come the Frak on at this point! How disappointing for us all who have been so loyal! Shame on you CBS

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  44. Screw U " anonymous ... It is SO Obvious U R with the Vet Team on a personal level... I agree most likely JJBR aren't Bad people in Real Life... K? But, it is so obvious they were promised something from production for coming back... ( in homage to my fellow Chicagoan Jeff) Dude, we have it in the bag dude..... We have Brendan/Rachael the most annoying HG of last season and then we have ED and his daughter Dani... We've been on ( now 3 no 4) CBS shows now and we Know we are considered America's Sweethearts" Lets just fake it that were still together ( no one will know... Dude look at ALL the feeds cuz your gig is up!) Sorry to be the one to tell you both! Love u both ( real life) We can screw Anyone we please But, g&d forbid someone does it first! Were we told that we are so entitled to " run the household" and if anyone tries to cross us then fungu? I have much more to say about each person left and yes I wish the " floaters" (drink... There is a drinking game u know) basically , this season SUCKED!

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  45. Cellulitus(Pinto's Greek name)August 27, 2011 at 3:40 AM

    So calling you a cunt is ok but a brat is to close to home!

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  46. It was a great night! I forgot to dunk my balls in glitter though. I was sad to see Dani go, but she played so bad it was her own damn vault. Seeing Jeff go right after, and him rant to Julie was the funniest thing of the season. If he ever comes back in the house, he should tell himself NEVER to win HOH... never seems to work out afterwards. I'm most surprised with Jordan saying she never wanted to come back since Jeff said in his post eviction interview how he was there because of Jordan. Is she lying? Is he? Most likely Jeff. He's 0 for 3 now in these Reality shows. He should stick with shows like Around the World for Free, where there's no competition involved. I'm annoyed Shelly was crying afterwards. I don't want her to feel bad! I want her to have a black heart. I want to find out she had Josie just so she could drink her young healthy blood. I want it to be late at night and on the feeds it can be read on her stomach "Help Me." I guess I have to root for Shelly now, and I'm okay with that. I love Porsche too, so S/P to Final 2! I agree with you Lala, they have to get out Jordan NOW. If not, she could very well be the winner again. Oh yeah, I didn't know about the stipend thing, that pisses me off a lot. So if Jeff wins America's Favorite again he'll probably have as much or more than the second place winner. Maybe he should stop bitching so much then huh?

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  47. @ the anonymous haters above, clearly, you've never read Lala's blog before, today's was rather tame, and she talked quite nicely about the various house guests. You really need to read one where she's really bitchy! Well, no, maybe not, it might make the top of your head blow off.

    But I'll pass on dipping my "willy" into the glitter bowl. Washing glitter off of nipples is a snap, out of "willies", well, not so much if you know what I mean. But, to quote the great mind of our time, Mike Tyson, my reaction to the departure of both Dani & Jeffy-po is I was ecstatic, and like him, I don't even know what that means.

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  48. Cellulitus(Pinto's Greek name)August 27, 2011 at 4:56 AM

    Lets recap: Production pulled every trick known to Vampires and Fairies to save the dark hearted dimwitted Witch Dani, to no avail, leather face had a chainsaw! Jeff is an bigoted Werewolf who hates Shifters because it's not natural. Production hates the Werewolf and cast no spells to help him. Anyone who thinks they did is a gin drenched glittered up brat just like the Witch.

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  49. Cellulitus(Pinto's Greek name)August 27, 2011 at 5:12 AM

    Lets recap: Production pulled every trick known to Vampires and Fairies to save the dark hearted dimwitted Witch Dani, to no avail, leather face had a chainsaw! Jeff is an bigoted Werewolf who hates Shifters because it's not natural. Production hates the Werewolf and cast no spells to help him. Anyone who thinks they did is a gin drenched glittered up brat just like the Witch.

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  50. Cellulitus(Pinto's Greek name)August 27, 2011 at 5:38 AM

    Do not fuck with me I'll start my own blog!

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  51. "lala doesn't have a heart and is mean...."

    LOL, and we love her for it. Best tour of Thursday night feeds on the net. Cheer... Cry...Cheer...Cry.......cry,cry,cry. I would throw glitter, but I don't have any. So I played a drinking game instead. LaLa, you are my hero, bitch. Rachel's transformation screen shot was classic. This was one of your best posts of the season.

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  52. Cellulitis, I can't accept comments when I'm sleeping. The second I'm awake and I read them, they're accepted. I'm not fucking with you. I was simply asleep.

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  53. LOL! You got a fighter on your hands Big Colette! How dare you sleep!
    I remember it being about this time last year that the haters started in on you although it certainly escalated as the season wound down. I guess the relatives just get invested and can't hold their tongues/fingers(?) anymore.
    I'm with the majority ~ hated to see Dani leave (hope she gets America's fav but probably pretty unlikely). I have wondered, after watching J&J's rants, if when they watch it back, will they realize how bullying and selfish their game play was or if they will float through life wondering why the stars didn't magically align signaling their win. Their entitlement (along with most of the vets) was sickening. How dare the Newbs play the game! How unfair is that?
    P & S for the final 2 and S for the win (although if P won I would be fine). You see, I don't want a floater to win and R is certainly one.

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  54. Allison G thought she had it all planned out for Jeffie-poo to win the clown comp. But in "Big/short" Jeff's frenzy, he tossed it O-U-T the side & never noticed. Possibly the best moment this season for game play. Thus, Porsche was able to wear her bikini top (retribution)with her sweatpants for her HOH reveal, AND bake cookies that night. ☺ ☻ ☺ ☻

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  55. Lala, I have loved reading your blog, I really have. I may not always agree, but I laugh! I may not like the players you back in this game, but to each their own! That said, I would LOVE to see you try to twist this lovely conversation into something that is "OK":

    (Talking about the veto comp and Rachel competing in it)
    Porsche - Maybe it's something that pregnant girls can't compete in.
    Adam - Give me a medicine ball, throw it at her stomach.
    Porsche - No, that's saving her $400.
    Adam - Wow. No, it's saving Brendon $400
    Porsche - Zing!

    You'll go off on someone you consider homophobic, that is cool because you believe strongly about it. But you never liked Jeff anyway, right, so it's easy to slam anything he does. Let's see if you let the folks on "your" side of the house get away with this disgusting conversation wishing a miscarriage/abortion on someone.. I would like to think you, of all bloggers, will NOT let this shizz slide. But maybe you will. I suspect some of your regular commenters will probably laugh and high five you if you agree with Porsche and Adam. I really hope you don't side with vile human beings Lala, I really really hope you don't.

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  56. Sorry I was drunk commenting and now I have a serious hangover!

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  57. LOL no problem Cellulitis. It's my mistake that I accidentally overlooked your first post. There was a fight on my Facebook wall and it got lost in the mountain of emails that was coming in. I accepted and posted your very first post this morning. Everything should be up now.

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