Friday, July 19, 2013

Ahummina Hummina

The Reign of Terror has come to a close. We can pack up the guillotine and roll Jeremy's head into the nearest ditch. Fare thee well cocksure dandy with the slicked back hair. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon karate chopped you out of the house (Was that racist? I can't tell anymore.) and in her place now sits an incoherent good ole country boy. With ears pressed firmly against speakers, we'll try to decipher his gibberish and make English out of it. We'll try to take "ahummina hummina" and form it into "My name is J-U-DD and I'll be your HOH this week." We may not always succeed, but we'll do our best. Let's recap, shall we?

So the big oily bohunk Asshat (Jeremy) is out of the house. In his wake, we find a soggy pair of eyebrows and her young Aryan friend. Eyebrows (Kaitlin) and Aryan, dressed like Venetian courtesans waiting for gondola to pick them up, commiserate and speculate on what this coming week means for them. Aryan is sure she will be a target while Eyebrows thinks the house might go after Howard instead. Speaking of Eyebrows, she's not all that broken up about Asshat leaving. In fact, she thinks she has a much better chance of getting farther in this game without him in there pissing everyone off. She thinks Asshat made the game too serious.

Elsewhere, Howard and Candice are busy whispering about what the new twist could be. Candice thinks someone could be voted back in. Hearing this, Howard tells her that they'll just vote whomever it is back out again. Little do they know that the twist is simply a surefire way to get Aryan on the block. Let's face it, after weeks of "this girl is a wicked racist" clips, there is no way she won't end up on the block. Unless of course you try to pull a trick like I did last night and tell everyone to vote Elvira (Elissa) for MVP. I figure the Elvira fans probably aren't all that intelligent and upon seeing the words and "Elissa" and "MVP" they'd start click, click, clicking away. If this whole MVP thing can't be fair, then it needs to go away once and for and all. Looking back over the weeks, doesn't it piss you off that Elvira has essentially handpicked each and every person who has been evicted? It's as if she scrunches up her face, points her finger at someone and says, "You! Hnmm mnmm. I don't like you. Go home. Hnmm mnmm." It's completely ridiculous!

Candice and Howard aren't the only ones speculating about the twist. Amanda and McCrae are also busy coming up with theories. Amanda wonders if maybe the last evicted person gets to pick an MVP since Elvira wins it all the time while McCrae thinks it might be a Coup D'etat. Elvira enters the Lounge Area and Amanda wastes no time pouncing on her. Amanda asks her who she would put up for MVP and Elvira says Aryan, Spencer or Howard. Amanda poo-poo's Aryan and Spencer and is insistent that they backdoor Howard this week. She says Howard has sworn on the Bible and lied, he has thrown competitions and is now using his race to win the game. That last part might tick some people off, but if you'll remember Howard's pre-season interviews, all he talked about was being the first African American to win the game. It is something extremely important to him and, with all the race scandal this season, I'm sure it's even more important than ever before.

Meanwhile, Jessie is busy whispering in J-U-DD's ear, "Eyebrows, Eyebrows, Eyebrows!" She hates that wicked bully Eyebrows and wants to her to go home this week. When making her case to J-U-DD, Jessie points out that they're running out of men in the game. She says they need to get rid of a girl this week. The idea of being stuck in the house with a gaggle of girls doesn't exactly appeal to Mr. J-U-DD. He likes having some boys around to bond with. On the other hand, he worries that putting up two girls will make the other girls in the house mad at him. What to do, what to do!

What to do, indeed! Well, here comes Amanda to tell you what to do. The plan is to backdoor Howard. She wants J-U-DD to put up a combo like Eyebrows and Spencer because then Elvira will nominate Aryan with her MVP (this could still happen if America votes how I think they will). It is too risky to put up VaGina immediately because she's not strong enough to win POV and remove herself from the block. J-U-DD listens to all this and replies "shjfdyudos husoafydoi hdoftjer." I believe that translates to, "I'll think about it. We have time." Well, this doesn't pacify Amanda in the least. She is incredibly worried about dumb ass mistakes being made this week that could keep Howard in the game. Not only does Howard have Candice and Spencer on his side, but he's been targeting Amanda for weeks now. She stresses how it is much more beneficial to the group to get rid of Howard instead of Aryan. Plus, Elvira screwed up the MVP last week by putting up Spencer so what doesn't say she'll screw it up again this week?

Speaking of Elvira, J-U-DD tells her that Amanda is worried she won't work with the alliance when choosing her MVP nominee. Elvira gnaws on a chunk of her hair and whines, "I'm like soooo nervous hnmm mnmm." Elvira is all freaked out that something will be unleashed on the house. J-U-DD tells her not to worry and that she's definitely not going on the block. Again, Elvira replies, "I'm sooo nervous." J-U-DD cocks his head and looks at her, "What are you not telling me?" Elvira stammers and the feeds cut. (A little side note here: I think Elvira knows about this week's twist. Late last night in the wee hours of the morn, many Houseguests made comments about how weird Elvira has been all day and how she always gets called into the DR right before the live show.) When the feeds come back we can hear Elvira say, "I'm excited. This is so much fun. I need to workout. I feel weird. Hnmm mnmm." Dude, don't feel weird. You are weird!

And this is where I fell asleep.

But! I woke up in time to catch a drunk J-U-DD. If you thought he was incoherent sober, then you haven't heard him drunk. Instead of mumbles, words get chewed. They get mashed and stuck in his cheeks. All that comes out is something like "svrmmmmmhu heh." Spencer thinks it's hysterical while Amanda keeps asking, "What? What was that?" J-U-DD walks in and out of rooms for most of the rest of the night. He flergles and klarps. He sheeshes and gorts.

What I'm able to gather from it all is that the plan is to nominate Eyebrows and VaGina. Elvira's target is Aryan. Jessie's target is Eyebrows. Amanda's target is Howard. Andy, Amanda and McCrae think Elvira is a robotic freak and Spencer likes Jessie's ass. What we don't know, because we haven't constructed a primer to decode it yet, is who J-U-DD's target is. We know for sure it's not Spencer. He's J-U-DD's best good friend and wants him to stick around.

So, what do you think of our new HOH? Can you understand a damn thing he says? Who do you think America will nominate? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Hurry up and get your live feeds! The season passes will be gone on Monday!

CBS Interactive Inc.


  1. I'm confused, how does Howard wanting to be the first African American to win the game translate to him using his race to stay in the game? Is he running around saying I'm black let me stay?

    I don't watch the feeds like you do so I'm just trying to get clarification. I know you like Amanda and all but she doesn't have to make comments like that. It should be enough for her to say that Howard is a threat and has targeted her from the beginning not that he's trying to use being discriminated against to his advantage

    1. Okay here's what's up: Howard and production are gunning for him to stay, and it is absolutely about race. Amanda knows what's up. She is not stupid, and this is Hollywood. It would look VERY bad for CBS if any minority went home anytime soon. As long as Aryan is in the house, Howard, Candice, Helen and Andy are safe. At least that's how I'm sure CBS will handle it.

    2. Don't listen to that last idiot. Howard has DONE NOTHING explicitly or implicitly himself as to using his race to have him stay. Amanda is JUST LYING. That was the first time I caught her in a lie and I don't like it. She's also saying that Howard is making "multiple alliances"--which is another lie.

    3. Howard has not played the race card. Additionally, he has no idea what is happening currently in popular culture. The house guests that have/are playing the race card: Aaryan, GM, and Amanda.

      The house guests that act as though they are "entitled" are Helen & Amanda.


    4. PushyTits (Amanda) hates Howard because he called her a slut, essentially. After PushyTits had her week 2 heart-to-cold, dead, heart with Aryan about "maybe you shouldn't be a racist bitch from Hell, some people don't like it", Aryan managed to convince herself this meant that Howard, Candice and Helen had formed a "minorities alliance" against her, and were spreading "lies" about her.

      Aryan told someone (Asshat?) that PushyTits had "warned" her about the "minorities alliance" and that someone told someone, and eventually it got back to Howard. He confronted PushyTits about making up the "minorities alliance" to put a target on him, she rightfully denied it, noting he'd had secret alliances without her having to make up any stories. And speaking of the Moved-Out Company, PushyTits knows they were only using McPizza, they'd never have even let him into the alliance if he hadn't been the first HoH! (True) To which Howard basically said, well, it's the same for PushyTits; she wouldn't have given McPizza any handjobs if he hadn't had that nice, comfy HoH bed. (Possibly true, but of course she wouldn't cop to *that*.)

      So now Howard hates PushyTits for "making up stories" about him, and PushyTits hates Howard for calling her a slut. And so he did that idiotic vote against Elissa (in Week 2) to try and pin it on her, but she's just obsessed about getting him out, flaring her nostrils when Elissa won't do exactly what PushyTits says. Her canned stand-up routines in the Diary Room may be funny, and it's not as if I didn't appreciate her giving the Implants a good airing out that one night, but enough, already. JMO.

    5. Let me clarify (I was first to reply in this thread, "that idiot," if you will), Howard is not using his race to further his game, however, CBS is. If you recall, Elissa revealed in a moment of "illegal" game talk that the DR was pressuring her not to put up Howard last week. It makes sense; with Aryan still in the house, it would look very bad to America if minorities started walking out the door before that ignorant twit.

    6. To clarify, as the guy that called you an IDIOT.
      What about all those previous season instances where minorities were taken out early.

      For example -
      Angie - season 10 (asian-american)
      Steven - Season 10 (gay guy)
      Jodi - Season 14 (African-American)
      Keith Season 13 (african-american)
      Dominic- season 13 (Hispanic/Asian-American)

      That was why I responded as I did. They never evict minorities early on right?

      And they leave people we hate till the end too:

      Will- Season 1/7
      Boogie - Season 1-7
      Danielle and Dick - season 8
      Dan - season 14 (ok that's a personal hatred. I hated his guts)
      Rachel?- Season 13 - Apparently they hated her but i liked her way more in 13 than in 12

      It you think it's rigged..seriously. It's always rigged.and if it is WHY WATCH. Stop complaining if you love a show that's rigged. ugh

  2. Well, I'm a little worried for our girl Amanda. She's pushing her luck by pushing too hard to get Howard out. It is obvious to many now that it is HER agenda she's working on, not the alliance's. And that worries me because I want her to stay. Also, on Online Big Brother, there is a poll that puts Amanda in 2nd place to be America's pick to go up on the block. You need to poll your people, and, just saying, maybe give them a choice! LOL

    1. Something about that poll yesterday did seem Amandaesque so I declined to participate in it. It seemed like would HAVE TO to agree with the fact that Amanda is the best. I wonder if Colette's last name is also Zuckerman. hmm

    2. Lol no. I've been blogging BB for 85 years. Seriously though, I've been a fan of hers since the beginning. Big Brother is more enjoyable for me when I have someone to root for. Plus, her family has been ridiculously cool to me. That helps. You catch more flies with gin than with vinegar.

  3. Hate to say it, but if you want a really interesting week and to stir up the house Amanda getting the MVP nom would be great.

  4. You know Julie Chen is wearing some drab ass clothes- she's the top dog's old lady-you'd think they'd spring for Rachel Zoe or something.I was really surprised at how well Jeremy comported himself in his interview. Why was'nt he confronted about the bullying? Is bullying so last year? He was a little too smooth-makes me think hired actor. Also, I hate the hat Howard wore last night. Your Venetian reference is perfect-

  5. I'm sorry girl, but Amanda is full of shit. I haven't heard Howard talk that much about race on the feeds - except when he was talking about Aryan's ridiculousness with the *rest of the house.* And OF COURSE the bs she's been slewing would affect the people of color in the house more. Come on now... beside that, I haven't heard him say a lick about race. In fact, it seems like he avoids talking about it (which is smart, imo).

    I don't fault her for gunning for him because he's a good liar and he was gunning for her. He also could actually win something (vs. Spencer who was also gunning for her but is a dud). But spreading a lie about the race thing is crap.

    I think it might be Aryan leaving this week - it's clear TPTB/AG have demonized her within an inch of her BB life and they are done with her.

  6. I'm blocking out everything else about BB lately & focusing solely on how much I detest Spencer & want him shunned, then evicted.

  7. Last week I voted for Helen to get the MVP, THIS week I voted for Helen to be MVP’ed….I have never gone so fast from loving a houseguest to hating one so much. How many times a day do we need to hear from Helen that she is a Mom (and that is the reason that she is being so controlling and manipulating in the house….).
    Between her making deals for other people, not being able to keep her mouth shut and crying all the time (any one else get pissed off when she said that she controls her kids by crying? As a Mother myself I would NEVER dream of controlling my Husband or 4 boys [32, 25, 21 and 19] by using tears!!!)

  8. Colette, How much money does each HG get for being on the show? For instance , how much will CBStotal pay Jeremy for his time in the house?

    1. I think about $750 a week. If they make it to Jury, you still get paid for the weeks you're there. This is why a lot of people say, "I just want to make it to Jury!"

    2. Spencer said something about "getting 13,000" and paying off his girlfriends car, buying her a ring and a vacation (a lot for 13,000 if you ask me). I thought maybe the increased the stipend to or something. I heard it was 750 for the last couple of years but maybe it's changed. Inflation...ya know.
      I wonder if it is considered "earned money" and they can get unemployment with that. Aryan and GM will probably need that!

  9. I am so sick n tired of all the soap box debates on racism at this point. Seriously people its a fucking tv show not an election. Can SOMEONE bring it back to insulting each others mothers or something? SpecialK

  10. I started watching the feeds last week and just had to make a comment because you've mentioned how often Andy pops up everywhere and I thought it might have been an exaggeration, but no. What is UP with that guy? Are we sure there aren't 4 Andy's in the house? I will watch one camera, he's in the kitchen chatting, so I change to HOH room....and he's there too....creepy.

  11. I liked Amanda in the beginning. And then something happened. She started bossing everybody around. She treated Helen's and now Judd's HOH as her own--telling them whom to put up and threatening what will happen if they don't do as she says (Isn't that the same behavior that got Jeremy evicted?) Now she's even taken over Judd's room while he's on "confinement".

    I voted for Amanda to be MVP'd this week just to show her that she doesn't have as much power as she thinks does. Now, I not only hope she's the replacement nominee--I'd love to see the HGs turn the tables on her and vote her lying butt out of the house.

  12. I think it would be funny if every single guy got voted out right after one another. I want Andy and his clones gone next!

  13. Judd = son of King of the Hill character Boomhauer (google, youtube, ask you geeky friends).

    Amanda's mood swings are harder to handle than Kaitlin's because she's also bossy and mackin' face with the pizza boy. I want to like her game, but she;s making it too difficult.

  14. Listening to the podcast. WOW! You are SO Pro Amanda its ALMOST disgusting. Reminds me of those crazy Rachel fans. You didn't say ONE bad thing about her, and your co-hosts were afraid to say anything bad about it too. And then went on a little rant about how it was Howard.
    How much are the Zuckerman's paying you? Seriously! Do you listen to yourself? You are so good at cutting people to pieces with your words and people analyzing, yet missing out on your pathetic servile behavior toward Amanda.

  15. Amanda is an aggressive, overbearing blow jobs in the bathroom and thinking she is running this game! NO, she will NOT win and she WILL be put up as the 3rd norm this week..and then she will get voted out! She is a disgusting whore, screwing on the feeds and just being 20 faced! the bitch needs to go....this week!