I like thiiiink that all of you are soooo disgusting. Hnmm mnmm. Whooores and sluuuts annnd... where did I put my granolaaa? Unh. Maybe laterrr I'll do some yogaaa, mnmm, or maybe I'll... you know, I don't appreciate the look you're giving me right nowww. Hnmm mnmm. I left my family to come here. My little boy is suuuch a treasure. Who made these cookiesss? I'm only going to have one, hnmm mnmm. *eats a dozen* I like think it's really ruuude that you left those cookiesss on the counter for me to eat. Pine cone. You should probably like apologize to me, mnmm. The fact that you're such a nonentity is so ruuude of you. Hnmm mnmm. Will youuu wrap my head in tin foilll? Uhn. Do it tiiighterrrr, mnmm, I feel liiiike... ceiling faaan unh... what are you doinnnng? Why did you wraaap me in tin foilll? I said duct taaaape. Hnmm mnmm. If you sayyy you're sorrry, I can for... maldehyde. That's what they put dead baaabies innn, unh . Or maybe you put some in your cookiessss. If you're goinnng to beeee aggressive with mee, fabric softener. Hnmm mnmm. Let's recap, unh, shall wweee? Hnmm mnmm.
If any of that made any sense to you, you are far better people than I. You also probably do a lot of drugs. Nevertheless! Nevertheless, we have another fun-filled day in the Big Brother house to tackle. Let's begin bright and early at 7am. This is not by choice, mind you. This is because Helen's prancercizing is keeping me from sleeping! *clomp clomp clomp... swish swish... clomp* Helen's 8pm curfew may bring us some much needed peace in the nighttime, but it also means she's bright-eyed and ready to go at the buttcrack of dawn. After endless clippety-clopping around the house, Helen ponies her way into Elvira's (Elissa) room, "Oh good, you're awake!" "I wasn't... hnmm mnmm. You're soooo louddd."
After another quick 15 jumping jacks, Helen scurries up on Elvira's bed for a whisper sesh. Helen sighs and can't believe that Elvira isn't able to play in the next POV. Elvira replies, "I just need to win HOH, uhn." And, you know what? Something tells me she will. Something in my groins or my guts is telling me that next week will be a grueling Ashtanga Yoga/Reilly Trivia Endurance Competition... "Are you ready, Houseguests? Surya Namaskara to Padangushthasana to Utthita Trikonasana to the Reilly Family Tree where you must identify Rachel's 2nd cousin once removed. Go!" Yeah, I have a feeling that Elvira unable to play in the next POV will be no problem at all for the lass.
Helen suggests to Elvira that maybe they should try to help Howard or Jessie win HOH so they'll get rid of Amanda while Helen and Elvira keep the blood of their hands. Speaking of Amanda, Elvira thinks Amanda is the MVP that nominated her. Now, you and I both know better than that. You and I know that we were the MVP. We also know that after last night's CBS edit, Amanda is most likely the third replacement nominee. It's either that or she's simply a tool in the "Let's make Howard look charming and untouchable so he wins it all" plan. Either way, I'm not happy about it.
Next Helen chasses over to Andy and without any hesitation whatsoever she launches into a lecture about how Amanda and McCrae wanted her to put up Howard last week. Earlier, Helen whispered under the door to J-U-DD and he told her that he was upset at how Amanda and McCrae are pressuring him to put up Howard this week. All along J-U-DD thought Aryan was the target. And, according to Helen, J-U-DD is frustrated and upset at how Amanda and McCrae appear to be running the show. I didn't see the conversation between Helen and J-U-DD myself, but Helen has a knack for exaggeration so take anything she says with a grain of salt.
Helen then tells Andy that she think Amanda will put her up if she wins HOH next week. Andy immediately shakes his head and disagrees. He tells her that that isn't true at all (and he's right). Helen again reiterates how angry J-U-DD is with Amanda. She warns Andy that they need to be extremely careful when dealing with Amanda and McCrae, "We have to be really careful. I trust McCrae, but we have to be really careful."
Elvira then enters the bathroom and tells Helen and Andy that she's been paying attention to who gets called into the Diary Room. She thinks this will reveal who the real MVP is. She also tells them that she doesn't particularly like talking to Howard because he always talks in circles and it bothers her, hnmm mnmm. Before leaving the bathroom, Elvira reiterates that Aryan is still the target this week.
As Elvira leaves, Jessie enters and is just itching to tell Helen and Andy all about McCrae's birthday party last night. Before Jessie can tell them about how rude Elvira was to Amanda, Elvira reenters the bathroom forcing Jessie to just talk about the party in general. Jessie says, "It was super scandalous." Elvira nods and agrees. First off, it wasn't the least bit scandalous. Everyone was involved in it. Everyone was cracking up. Basically, Amanda put on a one piece bathing suit and pretended she was a dominatrix. Spencer and Howard held McCrae captive as Amanda kissed McCrae's torso 24 times. She then spanked McCrae with a plastic spoon 24 times as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, counted very loudly from 1 to 24. The party was fantastic and everyone was laughing, giggling and having a great time. It was probably the happiest I've ever seen the house. McCrae even announced to everyone that it was his best birthday ever. No one's clothes came off. No sex acts were performed. It was just a group of people having a blast.
The problems came about because Elvira is a heinous bitch who can't stand not being the center of attention. After the spankings were over, someone in the room (I can't remember who, but it wasn't Amanda) suggested that Amanda put whipped cream between her breasts and let McCrae lick it off. Amanda laughs and then we hear it... from just off camera, "If you dooo thaaat, I'm going to vommmiiit. Hnmm mnmm. That's so disgusssting, unh." The entire mood of the room immediately shifted to an awkward silence. Amanda sat in the chair trying not to look hurt and says, "That was rude." But Elvira wasn't done. Oh no siree bob. Elvira then launched into a rant about how gross one piece bathing suits are and why would anyone anywhere in the world ever wear one. Amanda, sitting there IN A ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, mumbles an excuse about how she left something downstairs and she quickly leaves the HOH room. Once downstairs, she breaks down in tears.
Jessie's version of the story made the party sound like an Bacchanalian orgy full of hedonism. It wasn't! And, if I recall correctly, Jessie was clapping and singing and chanting along with everyone else. Hearing Jessie's version of the party, Helen shakes her head and says, "I'm so glad I wasn't there. I don't want my husband seeing that. He wouldn't approve." Bitch, shut up.
Jessie then tells Helen that when Amanda was downstairs crying, Aryan, Eyebrows (Kaitlin) and VaGina (GinaMarie) were the ones comforting her and talking shit about Elvira. Jessie says they need to be careful of Amanda now because the other side of the house is clearly trying to recruit her.
Outside, McCrae's birthday party is still a hot topic. With righteous Helen constantly jabbering on and on about how glad she is that she wasn't there because of her curfew, the others have no choice but to agree with her and tsk tsk tsk over Amanda's behavior. Spencer even shakes his head saying that he'd never be involved in something he wouldn't want his family to see. Oh really, Spencer? Is that why you were grinning ear to ear at the party? Is that why you were doing the white man's dance and cheering during the band-aid striptease last week? Is that why you leer creepily at Jessie's ass and make remarks about how you want to eat her tampon? You sure are a paradigm of pious behavior. Your girlfriend and family should be very proud about how you told J-U-DD to finger Jessie so you could smell his fingers. And wasn't it just last night you said, "I'm in a secret alliance with Jessie's nipples." Shut your trap, you hypocrite.
The puritanical bullshit party continues with Helen repeating, "I'm so glad I was in bed. I'm so glad I wasn't there. I'm so glad I went to sleep." Perhaps Jessie began to realize how much Helen was blowing everything out of proportion because she begins to change her tune and say how entertaining Amanda was. She says Amanda is so funny and outgoing that she reminds her of Chelsea Handler. Jessie says that Amanda's fun personality might help her with a career in comedy. Helen shrugs her shoulders while Spencer leered up Jessie's shorts from behind his sunglasses.
Inside, Candice and Elvira are in the Storage Room. Word has gotten back to Elvira that she made Amanda cry last night so she begins to push Candice for information. Candice tells Elvira that she hurt Amanda's feelings last night. She says perhaps the all the alcohol Elvira consumed was to blame. Elvira then says, "I wasn't drunk at all last night. I only had one glass of wine." Ha! Not. Elvira was flicking off the cameras, telling all the producer's to eff themselves and she even started talking about the wives of the crew. She better hope for her sake that she was drunk. Otherwise, she's truly psychotic. Andy then enters the room, "Heyyyy!" Elvira turns to Andy and asks him why Amanda was crying. Andy tells her the same thing Candice did, "Amanda's feelings were hurt."
Candice, now with a serious case of Helen-itis, heads outside to tell her version of the birthday party. She begins by telling Helen that what Amanda did wasn't the least bit scandalous. She says that Amanda was in a leotard and there was nothing distasteful going on at all. Candice continues and tells Helen how Elvira was calling Amanda a whore and saying she was disgusting. So far, Candice is being accurate and I felt a little proud of her for telling the truth. But then, she loses my pride and claims that Amanda ran downstairs crying and was being a total drama queen. She claims that Amanda was "acting". Ugh.
So I've watched the party a few times now and, like I said before, when Amanda got upset she left the room all alone. It was Aryan and Eyebrows who entered the bathroom and found out that Amanda was crying in the toilet. Aryan and Eyebrows consoled Amanda which then turned into all of them bitching about Elvira. Aryan was relieved that finally everyone could see what she's being saying all along about Elvira - Elvira is a mean girl.
The game of Telephone continues on and on with Candice stopping to chat with everyone about Amanda just like Helen did. Let's fast forward a bit to where Amanda is finally awake. She quickly discovers that this Elvira "whore" thing has become an issue. She tells Helen she is completely over it and doesn't want it to be a big deal today. Last night her feelings were hurt, but today she's not going to hold a grudge about it. Helen advises Amanda to talk it out with Elvira. Hearing this, McCrae nods and tells Amanda that they need Elvira's vote for the numbers.
Elvira eventually comes outside and sits on the couch next to Amanda. Amanda tells Elvira straight up that the comments about the whipped cream hurt Amanda's feelings. Amanda said that at the time she interpreted it as an attack on her weight. It also didn't help that Elvira mentioned the Spearmint Rhino (a strip club) when she was trash talking Amanda. Amanda tells Elvira that she's body conscious being bigger than the other girls and that Elvira's comments made her feel like her sexuality was disgusting. She also tells Elvira that alcohol was probably a factor in why things turned sour. Elvira says, "I only had one glass of wine." Amanda says, "We shared the bottle. You kept flicking off the cameras and calling out the producers." Elvira insists she wasn't drunk at all. Then she looks down at the plate on her lap and says, "I have an issue with food. I've never even been to a strip club." What? What does have to do with anything?
And this is where things became very creepy. Elvira shrugs her shoulders and says, "I had nothinnnng to doooo with the strippp showww, unh. I don't understaaaand why I was brought into ittt. Hnmm mnmm." Yo, home skillet, you were brought into it because YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WAS THERE TALKING SHIT!!! Amanda replies, "What do you mean?" Elvira says, "I don't think I said anythinnng offennnsive, mnmm." Amanda brings up the one piece bathing suit crap Elvira was saying and how she interpreted it as an attack on her weight. Amanda says, "You hurt my feelings." Elvira replies, "That offends me." Wait, como what? Baking Powder? This bitch is completely insane!
Realizing she's not going to get anywhere with Elvira, Amanda apologizes to Elvira for offending her. It was horrible and frustrating and I hated watching Amanda stoop to Elvira's level. But, as McCrae warned her earlier, they need Elvira's vote. So, instead of calling out Elvira and making her own up to her remarks, Amanda apologizes and the two hug it out. It was a mind boggling scene that you should Flashback if you haven't seen it. The ability Elvira has to turn herself into a victim is a fearsome thing to behold.
Later that evening, when VaGina approached Elvira for making fun of her for not having a college degree, the same thing happened again. VaGina ended up complimenting Elvira , chit chatting about hair extensions and apologizing to her. It was truly bizarre and horror movie scary.
So, that's that for yesterday. Elvira is completely insane, but she somehow gets away with it and makes people kiss her ass. Today we find out who goes up in her place on the block. While I hope it's not Amanda, the target for this week is still Aryan. Elvira is hellbent on getting Aryan out of the game as soon as possible. Will something happen between now and then to change things up? Probably.
So, what did you think of the birthday party? Were you grossed out watching Amanda apologize to Elvira? Who do you think will be the third replacement nominee? Is Elvira even human? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!