Friday, August 2, 2013
Did I win? Did I mutherfuckin' win? Yeah, baby! Sta'en Island, yo! New Yawk represent muthafuckas! Youse think Nick is proud of me? I'm sure he is. Me and that kid, we had a connection, man. When I wear his muthfuckin' hat, I get like his juices and smells in my head, yo. What's that cawled. that thing where you can tawk to people with your brains? Telemundo! Oh man, me and Nick we got that telemundo shit, yo. This is fuh you, Nick! Now I gots my hair dye and I can shave my fuckin' twat without standin' up. Damn, yo! This is gonna be a great week! And youse can totally have a honeymoon in my bed. Nick's dead skin cells are up and crawling around in our bed downstairs. We tawk awl night about shit, you know. That kid, man, I miss him. I'm telemundo-ing you my love right now, Nick. Peace! Let's recap muthafuckas, shall we?
Oh dear baby Jesus, save us all. VaGina (GinaMarie) has won HOH and now she's going all Tony Robbins on us and shit. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's take a peek back at the Endurance competition...
So, the feeds return and we see the Houseguest's trotting along on their giant rolling pin. The only audio we hear is Spencer going into cardiac arrest. Fat man on a rolling pin is a recipe for disaster especially when the rolling pin pauses and switches directions. Kaboom goes Spencer, Candice and Helen. Shortly thereafter, Elvira (Elissa) joins them and she is PISSED. Production must have promised her HOH and, well, it didn't quite pan out.
As we fast forward through time and space, we find ourselves left with the final 2 of McCrae and VaGina. VaGina begs and pleads with McCrae to let her have HOH. She needs her hair dye, yo! McCrae understands, but he wants to seduce his lady in the privacy of the HOH room. VaGina tells him he can sleep her bed because Nick's bed is just now giving off musky aromas and it's exciting and awl for her twat. McCrae says, "I really want pictures of my family though."
The two continue on their rolling pins until McCrae finally stumbles and takes a tumble. VaGina then looks around at the empty rolling pin, "Did I win? Did I win? Can I get off now?" Yes, VaGina you may step down. She immediately leaps off the apparatus, grabs her crotch and does a Michael Jackson spin. Sta'en Island, yo!
Her win is then followed by a myriad of Oscar acceptance speeches were she tells us over and over and over again how she's a competitor who won't give up. Plus, she really wanted her muthafuckin' hair dye. Also, during the competition... Candice won $5000, Spencer has to talk into a megaphone until the Nomination Ceremony and Helen won a barbecue party for 4 people.
For the barbecue party, Helen chose Elvira (that's her best good friend), Aryan (because she followed through with her end of the deal as HOH) and the last spot was supposed to go to VaGina. VaGina turned it down because with HOH comes a very annoying selflessness. So now there will be a contest for the last spot. This is all very diplomatic and lovely and all that crap, but one little girl, one little frustrated pony, isn't happy at all.
Amanda and McCrae are sitting in the cockpit when Jessie comes stomping in all huffing and puffing. She is furious that Aryan, of all people, gets to go to Helen's BBQ party. Amanda explains to her that Aryan held up her end of the deal with her nominations last week. Jessie whines, "It's not fair! She gets to have alcohol and I don't!" Andy then enters the cockpit just as Amanda is telling Jessie to go talk to Helen about it. Jessie zips her lips as soon as she sees Andy. Amanda tells her, "It's ok. You can tell Andy." Jessie moans, "But he'll go tell HER!" McCrae laughs and jokes, "Yeah, shut up Andy!"
Amanda calmly tries to explain to Jessie that Aryan basically made Helen HOH last week and was loyal. Helen is simply thanking her by giving her one of the BBQ spots. Andy butts in, "Are you mad about the BBQ party? I totally won't say anything to Helen." Jessie whines (all this bitch does is whine!), "What about my loyalty thing? Aryan gets to have alcohol and I don't!" Amanda again tries to tell her that it's really no big deal, but Jessie is having none of it. "It's a huge deal! A BBQ party with alcohol is a huge deal!" Amanda shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well then, go talk to Helen about it." Andy agrees that Jessie should totally go talk to Helen.
Jessie, with her arms crossed against her chest and the frustration bubbling up inside her, says, "No! I don't want to talk to Helen." Clearly, the girl is insanely jealous. She also doesn't care for the advice that Amanda and Andy are giving her. The bitching and moaning continues for what seems like an eternity when J-U-DD finally walks in.
J-U-DD: "How are you doing, ahummina hummina."
Jessie: "Oh, I'm just great! I came in third in the competition."
J-U-DD: "Well, hummina, I came in sixth."
Jessie: "Why do you always want me to be happy?!"
J-U-DD: "Because you're always in a terrible mood." (Ha!)
Jessie: "Maybe if I had some pills to take, I wouldn't be in such a shitty mood right now!"
Oh no, she di-in't! J-U-DD gets silent (he takes Xanax daily). Amanda (she takes Adderall daily) also doesn't say a word. But she did this...
... and I immediately knew that things were about to get AWESOME!
Amanda then, without a word, gets up to leave. We then get a Production error because even though we can't see her, we can still hear her. Amanda, out in the kitchen area, is overheard saying, "Jessie is having a shit fit." Still, with no visual, we can hear Amanda tell Jessie to calm down if she's so worried about her position in the house. She tells Jessie she needs to stop blowing up about these things (stupid shit like BBQ parties).
Finally, we get the two sitting together on a couch. Jessie is now all fired up and angry that a certain group of people are running the house. Amanda tells her that if it bugs her so much, then she should vote how she wants to vote. Amanda says, "If you're so fired up over people being fake, go up to their faces and tell them how you feel. Go up to Helen's face who didn't invite you to the fucking BBQ party maybe because you were contemplating flipping the house on them and you keep telling them they're in power. So don't sit there and be a little fucking girl and cry about not being invited to a fucking BBQ when you were contemplating flipping the house on the women who can give away a BBQ!" Oh snap! *giggles*
Jessie yells, "I wasn't contemplating flipping the house on Helen... or you! The plan was brought to me, Amanda." Amanda then tells Jessie to go cry in the corner and have a little shit fit under the sheets. LMAO
Jessie then stomps off. Amanda goes into the kitchen area and tells Helen, Elvira and Candice what just happened and why Jessie is mad about Aryan going to the BBQ. Helen says, "I invited Aryan because Aryan held up her end of the deal." Amanda tells her that Jessie is going around the house bitching to everyone about it.
Then, out of nowhere, Candice starts to cry about her precious "Howie" (ugh). Candice cries about how she wanted "her person" to stay and now she's at the bottom of the pecking order. Helen says, "We're not on the top!" Amanda then asks Candice why she wanted to keep a guy in the house who was so bad for her game. Amanda knows that Candice was trying to flip the house to get rid of Amanda. Candice continues to holler in that shrill voice of hers which causes Amanda to snap. Amanda yells, "Wanna know what Howard said to me the other day in the kitchen? He came right up to me..." And then we get FISH.
There is a scandal based on something Howard said ("I want to fuck the shit out you...") and, for some reason, Production is protecting the hell out of him. But don't you worry, bitches. Tomorrow night on the Big Brother Gossip Show we will have ALL the details and behind the scenes juicy nuggets. You won't want to miss it!
The feeds come back and Amanda is still shouting, "...so protect that fucking guy over these girls who have been loyal to you and trying to keep you in this fucking game the whole time! That's scheming??? Want to know why I didn't tell you that? Because I didn't want to hurt your feelings!" Candice replies, "That would not have hurt my feelings." Amanda says how she feels so stupid for defending Candice in the past now and then she storms out.
McCrae then enters and tells Candice that Spencer wanted Howard to stay in the house as well, but he was smart enough to stay out of it and keep his mouth shut. Everyone in the kitchen then tells Candice how they all wanted her to stay, but the bitch keeps crying. Amanda comes back into the kitchen and Candice says, "I didn't know the dude said that to you!" Amanda tells her that she didn't know what to do after he said it so she went into the DR for an hour because she was so freaked out. She tells Candice that the remark was irrelevant to the game and didn't think it was necessary for Candice to know about it. Amanda continues, "I don't understand why you would try to flip the house when Howard was never really that loyal to you in the first place." Amanda tells Candice how everyone kept telling her she was safe, but she refused to believe them.
Then, THEN!, Helen starts to cry. She tells Candice it broke her heart that Candice tried to flip the house and frame Elvira and Helen. Candice yells back that they're running HOH every week and are constantly upstairs. Helen replies, "Well then go upstairs and start making deals too."
Amanda and others begin to leave the kitchen leaving only Candice, VaGina and Andy behind. Candice tells VaGina about Howard's remark to Amanda. Andy then jumps in and says he saw the whole thing. He says he didn't hear exactly what Howard said because he was whispering really close to Amanda, but that Amanda's body language was really weird. Andy says, "It looked like there was some sort of odd encounter going on." Candice, still in denial, doesn't believe it. Again, don't jump to any conclusions on what you might think I believe in all of this. I have yet to state my opinion. However, I'm still being called a racist day in and day out. *sigh* Tomorrow night, folks. Tomorrow night on the Big Brother Gossip Show!
Apparently, more fighting continued throughout the night, but, for some reason. Production blocked a huge chunk of it. I've got to a shake a tail feather and hit the road, but I'll definitely be looking into it all later. Look for possibly Candice, Spencer or Jessie to be nominated for eviction today. And, to mix things up, I'm voting HELEN for MVP! Homegirl needs to be knocked down a peg.
So, what do you think of VaGina being HOH? Why is Jessie such a bratty little kid? How great is the Big Brother Gossip Show going to be tomorrow night? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!