Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Dead To Me



You guys, I'm sick. And when I get sick I get really really cranky. I also smell of garlic because I did what a tabloid article said to do and I just swallowed a ridiculous amount of raw garlic. But I don't want to leave you hanging another day. This will be quick, dirty and smell faintly of calzones. Let's recap, shall we?

Devin nominated Zach as Brittany's replacement because he's a giant douchebag. His reasoning for taking Brittany off the block is that she's a single mother and he has a single mother and a daughter. Did you know he had a daughter? I hate that brat. I really do. Yell at me all you want. I. Don't. Care. That kid is putting a damper on my summer and I'm hoping she wraps her belongings in a bandana, attaches it to the end of a stick and hops a train to South America. Buh bye daughter!

At the POV Ceremony, Zach went ape shit and started calling out all of his good buddies. Frankie, especially, was not happy.

In the meantime, Team America (fuck yeah!) is now complete. It consists of Donny, Frankie and Derrick. Derrick is interpreting the whole stupid thing as a secret gift message from America that those 3 chuckleheads should be working together when, in actuality, it was simply a popularity contest. Anyhow, Derrick is now putting ALL of his focus on making Team America (fuck yeah!) the most important alliance to his game.

This brings us to another problem - Frankie. How do you solve a problem like Frankie? Once good buddies with Zach, Frankie no longer trusts him and actually wants to vote him out this week. Since I have an ooey gooey soft spot for Zach, I NOW HATE FRANKIE! And, believe me, Frankie is working overtime to make Zach skedaddle. He's holding meetings, kissing ass, telling lies and being Devin's bitch boy. It's gross. Frankie is dead to me.

And then we have Amber. Useless Amber. She's a twit. Hayden hates her and is now his number one target. Dare I say I'm starting to like Hayden now?

What else? What else? Oh! SO Zach outed the entire Bomb Squad to Hayden right in front of Derrick and while Hayden wasn't entirely surprised, he was a little miffed that he was never asked to join. Derrick, Cody and Zach now want to pull Hayden into their Bro alliance. Speaking of Cody, he's got his panties in a twist because he thinks with the Bomb Squad completely exposed that the other side of the house (i.e. the dumb ass twit girls who couldn't open a bottle of ketchup if their life depended on it) will now target the strapping young lads and start picking them off one by one. Slow your roll, Cody. Go pop a Midol and you'll feel better in the morning.

For the most part, Caleb was pretty quiet and introspective. He is very angry that Devin decided to act personally instead of for what's best for the Bomb Squad. However, last I checked, he too wants Zach out.

SO, here's where we are - Frankie is hellbent on getting Zach out of the game and, from last I saw, he is close to pulling it off. BUT we have a small faction that may or may not consist of Cody, Hayden, Derrick and Brittany who would like to save Zach.

And there you have it. A million apologies for the quickness and crudeness of this post. You know how I hate putting out anything subpar, but I feel like Devin's daughter will when she grows up and realizes what a nightmare her father is. In other words, I want to die. On the plus, I smell a little like a delicious pizza right now. Comment it out bitches and have a great day! Definitely feel free to correct anything I left out or missed.

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50 comments:

  1. OMG girl, I was gettin worried you"d never post again! BB ain't worth watchin without your insight and I mean it! Please don't jump ship if your boy gets voted off. Please!

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  2. OMG ........this one had me snorting Dr. Pepper I laffed so hard. Maybe you should do more quick and dirty blogs...........your persona has no match in the blogfest world.

    Oh one more thing.....did you know Diva has a daughter? Hard to imagine anyone laying with that long enough to conceive.........**shudder**

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    Replies
    1. It probably wasn't a long lay heh heh heh

      -AJ

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  3. I'm commenting because I know you need them :) but I'm so confused as to the reason why devin did this, however, I do like the drama.

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    Replies
    1. Why does Devin the Diva do anything? Cuz he's eat up with the cray cray.

      Delete
  4. Not subpar. Never subpar. Keep your talent spewing. Lovin' it.

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  5. OK i will try this again. Glad you hate frankie as I am the only one in my chat room that feels the same as you! He is a Snake. Could you please post the radio blog you were on last year a few times? I cant find it this year. Thanks and keep up the good work. Hope your better soon.

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    Replies
    1. A few times? Babe, I'm on it weekly. All episodes are available for free download on iTunes. It's called the Big Brother Gossip Show. Or check out bigbrotherpodcast.com for additional streaming info.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha I have only listened to it a few times and I only remember YOU- Dont tell the other guys. Thanks for your blog - it is seriously the best one I have seen for years- very witty and insightful.

      Delete
  6. darkling - i'm thinking maybe baby mama had him roofied so she wouldn't have to hear his mouth run.

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  7. Hmm - i thought i posted this earlier but i guess not?

    How sad that Frank has shown himself to be a whining Diva bitch boy. =( and I liked him too. Oh well - anyone that kisses Diva's rear is not to be trusted. I like the short and sweet version. You said what needed to be said and it doesn't sound like you left anything out. Hope you feel better soon! And I cannot wait till tomorrow night. I just wish I could be watching the feeds.

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  8. Hope you feel better soon Colette. For those who are wondering why Diva saved Brittany after proclaiming often and to all he could corner that he wanted her gone, I'll just add that he did this after he came to the conclusion that he has a mad crush on the lady. Maybe he has been around Caleb too long, but for whatever reason this has now for me become the season of the dance of the delusional dragons. As to his daughter (you all know Devin has a daughter, right?) sources are reporting that the minute the courts opened this morning she filed a petition to become an emancipated minor. She is 17 (well OK she is only 17 months, but I'm thinking that any judge worth their salt will take pity on the lass and grant her petition.) Don't try to figure this dude out too much folks for you will risk getting caught up in his bi-polar vortex never to see the light of reason again. May the feeds be always on your screens.

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    Replies
    1. oh lord help that poor woman then!!! i swear they're going to be boiling rabbits and stabbing each other in the eyes before it's all over with. she better go on and get herself voted out now so he's got time to move on to someone else.

      Delete
  9. I agree with all you say, including "I HATE FRANKIE" and "Frank is dead to me". I can't stand anything about Devin especially his monotone way of speaking. I still can't believe Devin went from hating Brittany to having a big ass crush on her. (but hey, he has a daughter) hehe sorry Lala I just had to do that! Well I sure hope BB has a psych consult waiting in the wings for Devin, I feel like Devin is one of those that is going to snap (AKA Howard). I sure hope Zach finds a way to stay.
    Hope you feel better soon Lala, no more garlic for you young lady!!

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  10. I wish so much I could hate Frankie believe me I have tried. But he's just too funny and that house screams for anything funny. But have no fear there's still Derek aka the dick. And Caleb the air head stalker. Last but not least miss sugar won't melt in her mouth Amber. She has to be biggest phoney ever in bb history.
    Love love your quick and dirty! !!

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    Replies
    1. omg her "i'm so confused" BS acting when Joey was going to her with the all girl alliance made me want to punch her in the head. Confused about what you dingy ass broad? Confused about the fact that you're allowing six meat headed guys control your game? Confused about how the sky is blue in the middle of the day but pink or orange when it's dawn? Confused about how to make koolaid?

      And on that - Devin's rant at the other housemates about cleaning was hilarious. Dude it's a communal house. You cannot force 16 people to agree on a standard of cleanliness. Filthy to one is spotless to another. If you don't like the mess and can't live with it, clean it up or wait for them to clean up their own messes. CBS isn't going to let it get so bad that they get bugs before they start climbing up their asses to clean so take a chill pill. But watching him go all postal because he's a dad (you know he has a daughter right?) and has to clean was hilarious.

      Delete
  11. OMG! Devin has a daughter?!?

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  12. Get Well Soon,

    We Miss Your Snarky POV

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  13. Feel better Lala.

    I'm with you on Frankie. I'm over him.

    I still think Zach has a decent chance to survive this week. Cody and Hayden are leading the charge, it looks like he has Donny and Brittany, and Derrick wants to vote for him as well (though he won't do it unless he's sure the majority are going that way). I've got to believe Nicole will vote the same as Hayden, and today Christine said she's going that way also.

    HGs, namely Christine and Brittany, are figuring out they can't trust Frankie anymore. He's actually trying to get Zach to stay while voting against him so he doesn't cross Devin and Caleb.

    I like that the house is fighting back a bit against the power instead of playing scared. Too many of them I think assume Caleb is going to win HOH right back and there's a little fear of backlash.

    Sidenote: I also really like Derrick so far and I'm afraid this Team America (fuck yeah!) may derail his game a bit.

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  14. Someone needs to bitch slap that Devine dude. I don't exactly know what it is but that persona just screams " DOUCHBAG EXTRAORDINAIRE :

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  15. Seriously, since when did crushes become too much for grown men to handle?

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  16. First, get well soon, dear bitch. While the quick-and-dirty post was a decent snack (better than Slop cookies, certainly), I think I speak for all your followers when I say that we all need a hearty meal to get through the madness.
    Second, does it strike anyone else as really bizarre how homoerotic this group of male houseguests is? Frankie has snuggled with (and been snuggled by) Cody and Zach---who practically gave him a reacharound back when things were going swimmingly for him. I watched CalebMarie massage Donnie by the pool, and Devin and CalebMarie talked without overt irony about cuddling and holding each other. I'm not complaining at all, just asking what others have to say about it. Oh, and let's not forget Jo(yawn)casta's first-episode comment about how wild her life used to be (to paraphrase, she "did a lot of things and and a lot of people, both men and women"). Why, if I didn't know better, I'd think that Big Brother had bucked the trend of every other reality show and given us more than one token fa-LAY-ming queen per season.
    Third, while I want Diva to crash and burn, it shouldn't be right away. We have a long season ahead of us, and he's the one point of contention in the house right now. I hope he keeps up the crazy for many weeks; that way, his inevitable fall will be even sweeter to watch. I'd love to see Payola take him out.

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  17. Devin has a daughter?

    Get Well, Ms. Lala!

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  18. Fakie is a bigger rat than Andy and more annoying than Wil. I didn't think that was possible. The good thing is the HG's have figured it out.

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  19. I heard Frandy got out of being a HaveNot by claiming he has a "condition" that prevents him from bearing the cold in the H/N rm. is BB going to allow this?!?!?! Then send him DOR

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  20. Oh, dearest Lala, please feel better and come back soon! Seems like I'm checking this site 3x a day in hopes of a new update. Xxoo

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    Replies
    1. She bails earlier and earlier each season.

      Delete
    2. I didn't bail at all. I happen to have a lot going on personally right now. I write when I am able to or when something worth writing about happens. No offense, but I'm not going to waste my time writing about how 14 uninteresting people have spent their day sunbathing.

      Comments like yours and people like you don't necessarily make me eager to sacrifice my personal time. Next time, think before you post.

      Delete
  21. Hope you're feeling better Lala, maybe Donny can save you too.

    When you look up the word moron, there should just be a picture of Zach. He has a degree from the U of Florida? WTF U of F

    I heard Diva does have a Daughter but he doesn't like to talk about her.

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    Replies
    1. It just shows how U of F is a crappy college....Go Buckeyes!

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    2. I have always heard Florida is party central...no one goes there to study or learn, just to party, tan and have fun. Since the 70s...Florida, and then if you can't stay there for some reason, you transfer to Arizona.

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Nope. Just busy. I was going to blog today, but literally nothing went on in the house yesterday. I have to go to CA tomorrow for business, but I'll try to squeeze in a blog or 2 if I can.

      I haven't quit the blog. I will be back. I'm not dead.

      If you can kindly send subliminal messages to the HG's to be interesting, that would be a great help.

      Delete
  23. You don't find Icktoria or Lunesta interesting? I want you should write.

    Fakie's medical condition is that he's a lying little rat bitch.

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  24. I don't know who is more creepy to me now devia caleb or christene.
    And this thing about being too sickly to be have nots. Then they should not be on the show.

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    Replies
    1. I completely agree that being a have-not should apply to ALL.

      Delete
  25. Ok now I'm totally over that Frankie slug. He is just jumped from funny to just crude. Two faced piglet.
    And Zach omg what a dick. Girls get the dicks OUT! !

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  26. Ten days nothing? If you aren't dead you might as well be!!!

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    Replies
    1. I am in CA working this week. I've tweeted about it. I've Facebooked about it. I've even Instagramed about it. I don't understand why this is so hard for people to comprehend. I am WORKING and sitting around watching HG's do absolutely nothing is not my priority this week.

      The blog will return next week and I will be on the Big Brother Gossip Show podcast tomorrow night.

      Thanks for wishing me dead though. That was a completely rational and sane thought for one to have.

      Delete
  27. My dear Collette Lala, I look forward to your BB commentary every season even more than the show itself. I read and re-read your blog while laughing out loud. Please come back! I'm old, my dear. I don't belong to any social media sites and don't want to learn. Unless you post here and I can link directly to you I'll never find you and that makes me very very sad. Please, dear, breathe some life into these horrid house guests and brighten an old dog's day. I am faithfully yours.

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  28. Bwhaha. I'm just thrilled that being a have-not will be based on whoever has the least amount of activity on the tracker. Maybe that'll liven these slugs up and make BB more interesting. Can't wait.

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  29. 4 girls on the block and Amber, Britt and Lunesta can't figure out why! Weakest bunch of women ever. Nicatine are the only 2 who even know the game and they don’t have any guts

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  30. Eagerly awaiting your return.

    Miss you bunches you bitch you (said with much love of course)

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  31. Like Anonymous Previous, I don't follow social media, so this is the only channel for me to hear from you. I always look forward to your embroidered and embellished updates, which are far more interesting than the actual events themselves. Just sorry we didn't get to hear your delight in Diva's demise. Did you know he has a daughter? I wish you well and a speedy return to the BBBB.

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  32. I figured out who Donny reminds me of, Forrest Gump.

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    Replies
    1. Donny reminds me more of Homer Pyle...with a beard.

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    2. LOL @ spellcheck. I meant, "Gomer Pyle".

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  33. JUST miss you bunches!!
    First that freek tiny feet stalker Caleb needs to be locked in a padded cell.
    Second on list of total misfits has to be the wicked witch of the bb house christeneia. She is just lost without her broom.
    Last but not least is that frathouse freek Zach the sack if---- well u fill it in.
    Come back soon we all miss our bitchie girl.

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