Tuesday, February 2, 2010

An Open Letter To Michele Noonan


Dear Michele,

How are those new boobs treating you? Great, great... good to hear.

Umm so pumpkin, the reason I'm writing is I understand that you went on a radio show last night and openly accused me of creating Twitter accounts impersonating you and other Houseguests. Not a smart move honey as it's not me. From what I understand, it's illegal to impersonate people online and accusing someone in a very public forum of illegal activity hurts you more than it hurts me. If this whole Twitter thing really bothers you (and I have a feeling you secretly love it), then I encourage you to file subpeona's to Twitter and get the IP numbers of your impersonators. You will quickly find that it's not me, never has been me, and never will be me.

Firstly, I have two Twitter accounts. @ColetteLala is my personal Twitter and @Mr_OShaugnessy is the Twitter of my fictional leprechaun. Both are Private. I have never created any other Twitter accounts and have no intention of doing so. Hasn't your impersonator also mocked Ronnie and Lydia? Not only do I like both Ronnie and Lydia, but I've spoken to both of them in the past. As I tend to protect the people I care for, impersonating them is clearly out of the question.

You also insinuated that I "hate" you and have nothing else better to do but to sit around and think of ways of making your life miserable. I hate to break it to you precious (no, I don't), but... lean in so you can hear this... I'm not the only person who dislikes you. When you consistently put yourself out there in the public eye, you better believe that public ridicule is bound to follow. The fact that you're so insistent that you're not seeking fame is, quite frankly, just offensive. Why would you start a youtube or dailybooth account if it's not attention you're seeking? Why get fake boobs, hair extensions, and the wardrobe of a 13 year old girl who's mad at her mom if it's not to be in the public eye? In all honesty, I'm half convinced you have the movie THIRTEEN playing on a constant loop on your new plasma screen TV.

It must be hard knowing that Jeff and Jordan are about to dominate the BB spotlight in the next few weeks. Is all of this your way of staying relevant? Hey, I don't even care for them, but their fan base pretty much crushes yours - not unlike Godzilla did Tokyo. If going on a radio show to "set the record straight", not take any phone calls, and wildly point fingers at innocent people is what you need to do to feel better about yourself, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're delusional enough to think that people care. I'm sorry you've mistaken a few thousand fans for complete and utter world dominance. I'm sorry you consistently laugh at your own unfunny jokes.

As far as my message board is concerned, my Members talk about any and all Houseguests who either intrigue them or continually make asses of themselves. It just so happens you've dominated the latter category these past few months. Out of curiosity, do you know Tila Tequila? It's a theory I'm working on and you could save me a lot of time by just answering me straight away, but I digress. As a matter of fact, you are a teeny tiny percentage of what goes on over at the Bitchy Network as you yourself should know since you tried to become a member. We have over 20 Member Groups that dish on everything from LOST and Project Runway to coupon clipping in a difficult economy.

I would, however, like to thank you for mentioning my sites on the air. That sort of publicity is priceless and I'd love to send you a fruit basket. Do you prefer all bananas or would you like me to throw in some pineapples too? Let me know.

In closing, as long as you keep posting videos, photos, and updates on your life people are going to comment on it. Not everyone will like you. Repeat that to yourself for the next hour. Not. Everyone. Will. Like. You. Might I suggest you get your head out of your ass (no matter how good it may feel to you) and grow a fucking backbone? Aren't you trying to become a tv host or something like that? Well, Sugartits, you've got a long ways to go and learning to take criticism should be your first lesson.

Yours affectionately,
Colette Lala

26 comments:

  1. WOW...WTG LaLa...Speak your mind...and get the record straight!!!! I haven't had time to check out your forum...I barely have time to sleep...You are Awesome...

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  2. The coffee wasn't doing it for me this morning. I wondered why. Now I know. My brain needed this. My workday thanks you. And you too Michele Noonan, as I know you are reading.

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  4. You can't see it but I'm giving you a standing ovation...

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  5. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! NOONE could have said it better!

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  6. Mr. OShaugnessy is fictional?
    *sniff*

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  7. great blog! I am glad that I stumbled on to your blog and forum!

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  8. Damn Colette! I think you just split this bitch a new crack. She probably likes it though. This one's a few dozen beauty tricks shy of a career! She should have put her boob job money towards a new nose. No one looks @ an Ass Lickers tits just the ass. Probably wonderin' how many hours a day she wears her butt plug. She also seems to be a few chromosomes shy of realistic intelligence. Probably why she didn't win BB. Trying to get Jeff to notice you does not equal game play. She should stick to science. This ambidextrous brain shit isn't cuttin' it for ya. Go back to the lab & quit fuckin' with Lala beeoootttccchhh!!!

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  9. You just TKO'd that bitch. Bravo!

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  10. I do believe she DID pick the wrong bitch to pick on.

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  11. Damn girl that's why i fookin love ya, you said what thousands of BB11 viewers have known all along . I didn't like her goofy fake ass then and even dislike her more now. From one Bitch to anther !!!

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  12. Joanna says: Michele Noonan is an ass. Take responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming Lala. You put yourself EVERYWHERE and so yeah..that's going to annoy people. The fake twitter thing is the M.O of a 10 year old. Lala is clearly 10x the entertainer you are. She takes the lameass shit you do and makes it interesting to laugh at. You should be giving her royalties.

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  13. the wardrobe of a 13 year old girl who's mad at her mom if it's not to be in the public eye? Oh Geez Lala That is so freakin classic. I'm laughing so hard right now. You tell that loser (yes you asslicker) whats up.

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  14. Wow, I really wish your opening line would've been, "how's the new nose treating ya?" but no wait, we're still stuck looking at that pig snout. I think she's getting so many foreign substances in her, (LIP, BOOBS & who knows what other plastic items), that she's even more delusional than ever. I'd keep talking about her, but she leaves such a bad taste in my mouth, kinda like vomit.

    Loved the blog, Colette!

    See ya at the Bitchy Network, where bitchiness is alive and WELL, which reminds me.

    GET WELL SOON MICHELE!

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  15. For the basket, I'd suggest bananas, cucumbers, carrots, maybe a bottle of wine, biscotti and some candles...anything phallic for ease of anal insertion. Cuz we all know that's what's gonna happen to it.

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  16. Best blog yet. Thanks Colettelala for making my day. Glad you didnt sit by and let her accuse you of that crap.

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  17. Remind me never to openly accuse you of something on a radio show. Oh wait, I dont do that BS. I still cant believe she would come out and say that. Did she not think you would have a response? Let alone a more coherent one.

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  18. Oh my GAWD!! That is priceless. It isn't surprising that she would make these accusations in a format that she wouldn't be confronted by refusing phone calls. I hope Michelle reads this and understands that she is a complete rah-tard. Isn't this fame-whoring cutting into her dick sucking and salad tossing time? Stick to what you know, Michelle.

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  19. Colette, I listened to the radio broadcast and I'm not taking up for Noonan but it sounds like she is the victim of bad intel. I don't think she has the common sense ( she is very book smart) to figure that out on her own or constitute her own opinion on the subject. I think somebody put her up to it. It would be interesting to know who that person might be.

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  20. Wonderfully said, Colette.

    I'm sure glad you put this loser in her place.

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  21. ROFLMBO!!!! Go Lala! You have been wonderfully busy-keep it coming sweetie.

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  22. Maybe it's just me but this season of BB contestants think they have some ultra entitlement to fame. I don't think any of them watched their own season of Big Brother. They all seem to have fallen upon Ronnie's Dungeons and Dragons sword.

    Me, I'm holding on for summer 2010 so these past losers 15 minutes of fame can be over. Hurry summer hurry.

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  23. Way to Go LaLa...I sure hope I never get on your bad side! LOL

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  24. OMG! I cannot for the life of me imagine that Asslicker would even think she deserves another 15 minutes of fame... I went and looked on you tube... OHHH PUKE!

    You, as always... rock! Love your blog... Everything you say totally cracks me up!

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