BB12 contestant Ragan Fox isn't even in the house yet and he's already being labeled a "racist" by some overzealous BB fans. Fucking idiots. The guy is a poet who uses absurdist humor and sarcasm to illustrate a point. The "point" being that idiots, like the 2-dimensional BB fans rushing to put a label on everything, wouldn't know irony if it crawled up their ass, pitched a tent, lit a fire, and roasted marshmallows in there for eternity. I'll bet the same morons running around shouting "Racist!" probably think Sarah Silverman's comedy routine is racist or that Archie Bunker was meant to be taken seriously. Calm down. Grow the fuck up and stop trying to start a controversy where there is none.
Speaking of race related assholeness, can we please address the fact that just about every BB site out there is kissing Chima's ass? What the fuck is going on?!? Am I the only one who remembers what went down on the feeds? I mean, she retweets her own compliments for Chrissake! Keep in mind these are the same sites that called her a racist a year ago. Are memories being erased or is brown nosing now an infectious disease? I, on the other hand, didn't care for her in the house and liked her a lot less when she got out. You won't see me kissing her weave any time soon.
Even though he's in sequester, you can follow Ragan Fox on Twitter @RaganFox.
Better yet, you can follow me on Twitter too! @ColetteLala
Have you forgiven Chima? Do you think Ragan is racist? Comment it out Bitches!
How are those new boobs treating you? Great, great... good to hear.
Umm so pumpkin, the reason I'm writing is I understand that you went on a radio show last night and openly accused me of creating Twitter accounts impersonating you and other Houseguests. Not a smart move honey as it's not me. From what I understand, it's illegal to impersonate people online and accusing someone in a very public forum of illegal activity hurts you more than it hurts me. If this whole Twitter thing really bothers you (and I have a feeling you secretly love it), then I encourage you to file subpeona's to Twitter and get the IP numbers of your impersonators. You will quickly find that it's not me, never has been me, and never will be me.
Firstly, I have two Twitter accounts. @ColetteLala is my personal Twitter and @Mr_OShaugnessy is the Twitter of my fictional leprechaun. Both are Private. I have never created any other Twitter accounts and have no intention of doing so. Hasn't your impersonator also mocked Ronnie and Lydia? Not only do I like both Ronnie and Lydia, but I've spoken to both of them in the past. As I tend to protect the people I care for, impersonating them is clearly out of the question.
You also insinuated that I "hate" you and have nothing else better to do but to sit around and think of ways of making your life miserable. I hate to break it to you precious (no, I don't), but... lean in so you can hear this... I'm not the only person who dislikes you. When you consistently put yourself out there in the public eye, you better believe that public ridicule is bound to follow. The fact that you're so insistent that you're not seeking fame is, quite frankly, just offensive. Why would you start a youtube or dailybooth account if it's not attention you're seeking? Why get fake boobs, hair extensions, and the wardrobe of a 13 year old girl who's mad at her mom if it's not to be in the public eye? In all honesty, I'm half convinced you have the movie THIRTEEN playing on a constant loop on your new plasma screen TV.
It must be hard knowing that Jeff and Jordan are about to dominate the BB spotlight in the next few weeks. Is all of this your way of staying relevant? Hey, I don't even care for them, but their fan base pretty much crushes yours - not unlike Godzilla did Tokyo. If going on a radio show to "set the record straight", not take any phone calls, and wildly point fingers at innocent people is what you need to do to feel better about yourself, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're delusional enough to think that people care. I'm sorry you've mistaken a few thousand fans for complete and utter world dominance. I'm sorry you consistently laugh at your own unfunny jokes.
As far as my message board is concerned, my Members talk about any and all Houseguests who either intrigue them or continually make asses of themselves. It just so happens you've dominated the latter category these past few months. Out of curiosity, do you know Tila Tequila? It's a theory I'm working on and you could save me a lot of time by just answering me straight away, but I digress. As a matter of fact, you are a teeny tiny percentage of what goes on over at the Bitchy Network as you yourself should know since you tried to become a member. We have over 20 Member Groups that dish on everything from LOST and Project Runway to coupon clipping in a difficult economy.
I would, however, like to thank you for mentioning my sites on the air. That sort of publicity is priceless and I'd love to send you a fruit basket. Do you prefer all bananas or would you like me to throw in some pineapples too? Let me know.
In closing, as long as you keep posting videos, photos, and updates on your life people are going to comment on it. Not everyone will like you. Repeat that to yourself for the next hour. Not. Everyone. Will. Like. You. Might I suggest you get your head out of your ass (no matter how good it may feel to you) and grow a fucking backbone? Aren't you trying to become a tv host or something like that? Well, Sugartits, you've got a long ways to go and learning to take criticism should be your first lesson.
When Braden's Beaner fight got bleeped last night, I was so frustrated. Non live feeders on Twitter couldn't grasp what the big fight was all about. They were terribly confused. Then Chima swooped in like a rabid turkey vulture to straighten it all out by calling Butter Face Braden a bigot on national television. The sky parted, a choir of angels sang a Michael Jackson song, and all was right with the world. For those who missed it, Chima also revealed that Braden had called Julie Chen a whore. *bites knuckle dramatically* To make this even more delicious, Les Moonves (grand poobah of CBS and the Chenbot's husband) was there on the stage! I ask you, does it get any better than that? That topped Chelsia's speech by a mile.
So it looks like we have a new HOH bitches. How the hell did Ronnie pull that off? I don't think I can even be mad at the little rodent. Something about his win had divine providence written all over it. I thought I would have been livid, but instead I just laughed and laughed shaking my head muttering to myself, "Really? Did that just happen?"
Ronnie bugs me immensely. He's sneaky, he's duplicitous, he's annoying, he's manipulative and he just might be the greatest player to enter that house. As much I dislike him, I've really got to hand it to him. He pulled off the greatest first week ruse ever and has even managed to nab the HOH for a finale. I'll break down the beauty of what Ronnie achieved over the course of this post.
The live feeds turned on within 10 minutes of the live show ending and it turned on with a bang. Cat fight! All the bitches were fighting and clawing at each other's eyes and hair. No, not really, but Chima was hooting and hollering a piece. Her voice can cut glass so you can see how one could easily assume the girls were trying to kill each other. Chima is safe this week and she has no problem whatsoever calling out all the bitches who pissed her off last week. Bless her heart.
(It's come to my attention that Chima is dlisted.com's Slut Of The Day. Check it out! http://dlisted.com/node/32992)
Chima screamed at Michele for voting against her team. She attacked Laura for being a big fat lying horsey face. Natalie jumped in because, well, because she's Natalie and that's what Natalie's do. They jump into situations that have nothing to do with them and they kick and flail about making a lot of unnecessary noise.
Meanwhile Ronnie, all puffed up and walking around like he has an imaginary crown on his head, can't wipe the smirk of his face. Someone get a brillo pad because his gloating is eating away at the part of my brain that contains kindness and goodness. He's light as air blowing kisses to all his new subjects. The Athletes don't help the situation much with all their ass kissing. The next hour was filled with lots of, "We knew you could do it brah!", "You're the man Ronnie!", " Can I suck your dick after he does Ronnie?" Oh it was a regular love fest with Ronnie fanning the flames with an occasional and completely false, "I can't believe I did it!".
While that suck fest was going on, Mr. Ed was in the other room regretting every single ridiculous move she's ever made in the house. National Velvet has come to the realization that perhaps that outburst in the HOH last night wasn't a great idea after all. OK. I have to say it. I just have to. Allow me this one moment of joy... I TOLD YOU SO!!! You never, and I mean NEVER, waltz into a band of gypsies and threaten and gloat and taunt and whinny the night before an HOH competition. This is just common sense. How smart are you feeling today Laura? What's wrong Black Beauty... saddle on too tight?
Take a wild(fire) guess who is enemy #1 and is almost absolutely positively going on the block? I'll give you a hint: You don't have to be as smart as her to figure it out.
While Laura was trying to get her upper lip over her teeth, Natalie was busy throwing Casey under the bus. She wants Laura and Casey on the block. Unfortunately, Ronnie seems onboard with that idea. I like Casey. I don't want him on the block. I had a feeling that when he decided to vote out Chima that things were going to be an uphill battle for him from here on out.
Casey is more worried about the world thinking he's a racist right about now. Chima's speech saying that if you vote to keep Braden then you're a racist didn't sit well with Casey at all. He teaches at a school that's 80% black and he's extremely concerned that he's offended his students. Personally, I don't think Casey has anything to worry about. It would be ridiculous for anyone anywhere to assume he was a racist now.
Team Braden has finally come to the realization that they have a rat in their misdt. Really geniuses? The fact that the other side has known every move you were going to make didn't tip you off to that before? I like Jordan, Jeff and Casey but I sometimes have to wonder what game they're playing. Did I not say that Jordan telling Ronnie every single damn thing that's on her mind would come back and bite her in the ass? She just really isn't very bright at all. Last night she's finally realized that she's pretty much the reason Ronnie was able to infiltrate their world. She was so eager to nab Ronnie's vote that she didn't bother to question his loyalty. Ignorance is partly to blame, but her hasty game play has also completely fucked over Jeff and Casey.
In a rant in which the fourth wall was broken, Jordan told America that Jessie is disgusting. She insulted him and had a grand ole time trying to humiliate him to the Showtime viewing audience. That is, until she called him gay and a fag. I think it was "the fag of America" to be precise. Oh Jordan. *shakes head* Michele, who had previously come out as bisexual, told Jordan not to say "fag" and then she walked away in a huff. Jordan turned to her cohorts and said, "I think Michele is the rat."
Michele remembered a singular moment when she had been out with Debbie's gang. They were leaving an extremely friendly female establishment called Ruby Fruit's. Her hair wild from the heat of 300 women dancing cheek to cheek, Michele was giddy on mojitos and tripping over her black patent leather stilettos. Debbie's friends Sally, Babs, Lucky and Tweety had fawned over Michele in her canary yellow dress. She was high on compliments and unfamiliar wandering hands cupping her breasts while swaying to Ani DiFranco's 'Shy'. No one had made her feel as loved and as carefree as the Ruby Fruit gang. Michele had finally found her niche. Her head cloudy and a cheeky grin plastered on her face Michele felt on top of the world. She felt invincible... until some oily rednecks walked by and upon seeing Babs and Tweety, handsome robust women, holding hands shouted "Fag!". Ever since then she's always hated that word.
Michele goes inside to cool her jets and decides to confront Team Chima. Chima is fuming that Michele voted against her own teammate. Natalie is once again jumping in and shouting over and over again that Michele was never her target. Michele is tired, annoyed and coming to the realization that anything fun about being in Big Brother is about to disappear. One of the guys who complimented her is gone and it looks like another person who can tolerate her boring personality will also be leaving shortly.
That brings us to the big HOH reveal! Ronnie got his HOH room and it was filled with photos of his wife (Ronnie tried to awkwardly convince everyone that she looks like Denise Richards), play doh, candy, a bubble gun toy type of thing and a letter from home that moved Ronnie to tears. It was actually very sweet. My favorite part was when his wife said that she had been watching the feeds when Ronnie was in the pool and that he was looking good. Ronnie shouted "Yeah!" and high fived Russell and Jessie, his personal trainers, for whipping him into shape.
Thanks to Shea at Clipser for the clip!
Where does that leave us? Team Jeff knows Ronnie is a rat. Team Chima tried unsuccessfully to convince them that the rat was Casey, but said rat is in power and all teams have no choice but to kiss his ratty ass. Seabiscuit is foaming at the mouth and probably needs a salt lick. She's trying to convince herself that if she goes home at least she played with dignity. Whatever you need to tell yourself Rachel Alexander. Why don't you go ahead and tell yourself that you're smart and pretty again too? It's been about 10 minutes since your last reminder.
Ronnie sent out his first tweet in which he thanked his World Of Warcraft server. I have no idea what that means. I don't speak Geek.
Today is a big day. We have the Have/Have-Not's competition and the nomination ceremony. Be sure to check back tomorrow to find out how it all went down in glorious bitchy detail.
P.S. I have discovered that when you google Braden Bracha my blog comes up repeatedly on the first page. LOL I'm gonna have one pissed off douchey surfer poet after me.
Late last night I received an email from a dear friend. Here's what she said, "found out my cuz is a fan of BB. he went to your blog. said the name of your blog was an understatement. ha!". Unicorns and rainbows shot across the sky when I read that. And here I thought I was being too nice. Let the daily massacre begin!
Another lazy day in California began with nothing too remarkable to report. The HG's wiped the sleep from their eyes, stretched their tired limbs, and were ready to attack the day with their characteristic aplomb. The day's conversations quickly turned to Lydia and what a hypocritical hose beast she's being. Russell noted that ever since he took Lydia off the block she never talks to him anymore, never rubs his rippling deltoids, never hints at showers promising blow jobs. Braden joined in the Lydia gossip saying that everyone in the house needs to get her out sooner rather than later. He said, "she'll cut your heads off while you're sleeping." And with that the tone of the day was set.
Lydia has totally changed since she's been taken off the block. She's confident, bitchy, and a little too arrogant for her own good. She's turned on everyone who's tried to help her out and has aligned herself with the Athletes. Yet I'm still remaining middle of the road on Lydia for the time being. I have a theory that if she was never nominated this first week that she'd still be everyone's favorite and never would have turned into the Sybil she became. I'm giving her one more week before I let her have a piece of my mind. That's all you're getting Lydia. Rarely do I give second chances so use this week wisely.
Some of the HG's have been noticing that some of their clothing has gone missing. Does this have something to do with a future comp? I think so.
So it's hot and sunny and some of the HG's are lounging outside. Braden has an inkling he's up shit's creek so he's determined not to leave the house without sinking whoever stood in his way and retelling over and over again his less than impressive resume. He's taken to rattling off his accomplishments, as well as his sexual conquests, repeatedly to anyone who'll give him the time of day. Boy wants to be a star. That's what he came in for. Well, Braden you got your wish!
What happened next still puzzles me. Braden, Lydia and Kevin were sitting in the BY and Braden was telling Lydia what a hypocrite she's been and that she probably wouldn't have gone home had she stayed on the block. Now she's done for. She's sunk her own battleship and she's going to have one hell of a fight staying in this game from here on out. So far, Braden is right on the money... well, until he brought Kevin into it. Braden told Lydia to get another tattoo on her ass and then told Kevin to get one on his cock. That's all she wrote. Fit hit the shan.
Please to enjoy:
Braden, Braden, Braden... you ignorant fuck. For those of you not in the know, yours truly just happens to be a beaner herself. My mother is 100% Mexican, I was raised in Cali, my grandmother hardly spoke English and called me mija. Don't let the blonde hair and green eyes fool you. I identify as Mexican. I always have. As a Mexican, only my mother (or other relatives) can EVER call me a beaner (she used to call my brother and I "little beaners" when we'd love to eat my grandmother's Albondigas Soup). The beaner rule is the same as the N-word or F-word rule. You don't say it unless you are one.
Braden assuming Kevin is a Mexican is beyond ignorant. Just because he's brown and in California he's Mexican? How fucking moronic can you be? Judging people on the color of their skin or ethnicity is just wrong. When Braden said, "What are you? You're just a Mexican from San Diego." he meant that as an out and out racial insult. It astonishes me that some people in the chat rooms said, "Oh, he just said it out of anger." If I ever said to someone, "Oh your just a colored fella from Mississippi" I would be labeled a racist and rightly so! What is this, 1960? The fact that that's the first insult Braden could come up is a glaring insight into his character. He's obviously had those thoughts before. Don't fool yourselves into thinking this was a one time thing with him.
Oh and Braden saying, "I'm fucking white and American!" Seriously?!? Seriously, did he just say that? Someone get the KKK on the horn because I've got a bang up new member for them. Braden you are a racist idiotic piece of shit and I hope you will forever have to be looking over your shoulder in fear. You better pray a Mexican angrier than me didn't see your little performance yesterday. Amber got crucified in the press over her antisemitic remarks and I'm thrilled I was able to get your tasteless remarks highlighted on dlisted yesterday. (http://dlisted.com/node/32931)
After that outburst most of the house distanced themselves from Braden. Kevin and Lydia went a step further telling Jordan that if she ever talked to Braden or Jeff again that they'd never talk to her. While Kevin and Lydia have a point, they have no right to tell Jordan who she can or can't talk to. Jeff called Braden's remarks highly inappropriate and I genuinely believe that Jeff was mildly horrified by the things Braden's said. Jordan didn't witness the fight in the backyard so she'll need to make up her own mind as to whether she wants to associate with Braden from here on out.
When Kevin and Lydia were confronting Jordan, Jordan fought back. She screamed to Lydia that she's never done anything to her to warrant being attacked or talked about (and she's right). Kevin interjected calling Jordan "too sweet" and saying the game will eat her alive. I'm sorry Kevin, but since when did being sweet become an evil attribute? I'm really on the fence with Kevin here. Who the hell does he think he is criticizing someone for being too nice? It's laughably ridiculous. He's obviously threatened by her or else he wouldn't give two shits what Jordan does. Kevin, like Lydia, you are also on 1 week's probation with me. Straighten up or you're toast.
Witness all the mayhem for yourself:
So much drama. Ugly drama too. Thankfully, Michele in her canary yellow hooker dress was there to brighten my spirits. This off the shoulder ruffled number is Michele's favorite ensemble. She remembers the day she bought it. It was 1996, her first year of college and her first time away from home. Michele and her roommate Debbie had gone shopping at the Salvation Army one day. Debbie was a unique girl... shaved head, combat boots, and a pierced eyebrow. Debbie had told Michele that she was a lesbian and Michele smiled thinking "lesbian" was akin to being "diabetic". She assumed Debbie would just give herself a few shots everyday and her lesbian condition would be kept under control. Little did Michele know...
It was a sweaty day in early September. Michele was still trying to fit in and Debbie made it her personal mission to help Michele out. They scoured the racks at the Salvation Army for hours finding only a striped purple tube top with the bottom all stretched out and a vintage army jacket with sweat stains under the pits. The girls were getting tired and were ready to throw in the towel until Michele spotted it... just a tiny glimpse of bright yellow peeking out from under a ripped feathered silk robe. Michele held the dress up to the light on it's simple wire hanger, the sun already beginning to set outside shot magnificent rays of red and pink illuminating the yellow dress like it was the second coming of Christ.
Debbie gazed upon it's magnificence. The girls looks at one another and smiled. No words needed to be said. They had found what they were looking for...
First things first, let's talk about that CBS show last night. WOW. Lots of interesting tidbits I never would have gathered from the feeds. How cool was that "Have/Have-Not" comp? Very original CBS. Every season the comps get better and better so well done.
What a brat Chima was! She didn't exactly throw a fit as previously reported. Instead she just pouted and TOLD EVERYONE she's used to a lifestyle of luxury. Uh bitch, you don't go announcing to the whole house in the middle of a competition for a cash prize that you live the charmed life and won't put up with anything less than stellar. I hate you and your shiny face. Does all that clown work really pay that well? I mean, you must save money on wigs and prosthetic noses right?
Chima went up as a pawn? Who uses a pawn in the first nomination? Had Chima really done something heinous, keeping her in the house would have been a red flag that she was in an alliance with the Athletes. I'm annoyed Natalie even suggested the whole "pawn technique" in the first place. So unnecessary. I can't blame Ronnie for refusing to be the pawn either. Nobody is that stupid (well maybe Chima).
So Jessie has been lying by blaming Jeff for Lydia's nomination. Sneaky Man Beast. He fooled me. It looks like I have Russell to blame for the nomination (Lydia) that's changed the entire course of the game.
Sad sad horsey Laura. You know I actually think she really did find Jessie hot. I don't think she was lying about that at all. Laura's issue is an interesting one and it's one I saw coming a mile away. For those of you who read my blog commenting on her pre-show interview you'll remember how I pointed out that ugly girls who think they're hot are the worst. "You have to keep pushing them down with the palm of your hand because they're tenacious little monkeys." When she was sitting on the couch asking the group who the hottest guy was I totally thought she was setting herself up to get a compliment by asking the follow up question of who the hottest girl was. Didn't you guys think that? I figured she nixed the hot girl question idea because Jessie seemed nonplussed by the hot guy compliment.
Anyhow, Laura's problem is that she's realized she's not the hot girl at all (clearly Jordan is) and now she has no idea how to play the game. She was counting on her looks to be an important factor in her game play. Turns out, no one is impressed. What's a horsey big boobed girl to do? Sit around and be boring all day. That's what.
Jordan is by far the beauty of the house but she's also the house idiot. Yesterday she thought egg whites were the hard outer shell of an egg. LOL Deep down I don't think she's that moronic. I think she's probably played the dumb blonde in that hillbilly town of hers her entire life. It's become natural for her to act ditzy. It's gotten her far. It's gotten her those new bubbies of hers. I can picture her in her waitress uniform (similar to Sookie's in True Blood) in that truck stop restaurant she works in. Her legs long and tan, giant blue eyes, and new bubbies straining against the thin cotton of her t-shirt. The men, the regulars, probably smack her on her ass as she walks by. Her only response is to giggle. Giggling is what she does best. The sweaty fivers she gets for tips she keeps under her bed in a shoe box. She was saving up for a trip to Californ-I-A, but fate stepped in and flew her there for free. Now, she dreams, now she'll go to New York when she's done with Big Brother. She'll stand in Time Square, mouth open wide marvelling at all the tall buildings. A homeless person will ask her for a dollar. She'll give him a fiver. She knows what it's like to have to struggle...
(more on Jordan's adventures as the season progresses)
OK so yesterday was the big veto ceremony. Did Russell take down the nomination he tried so hard to make happen in the first place? You bet he did. Lydia is off the block, ladies and gentlemen. Butter Face Braden went up in her place. Early estimations don't look good for the poet surfer. It's looking like a 6-4 vote for Braden to leave. Lydia has crossed over to the dark side now and Kevin, that asshole, gave Chima his "word" that he wouldn't vote her out. Blog regulars know how I feel about people giving their "words". I hate it! Keesha's "word" kept Libra in the game all the way to the Jury House last season. I think promises have no place in BB. They only cause problems.
Apparently, the veto ceremony is a funny one. Braden said, "I got vetoed." or something and all the HG's cracked up.
So Braden is on the block and how did he react? He's goin' surfing bitches. That's how he reacted. He assumes he's leaving and, since he's given up his apartment, he has big plans to go to Australia and surf his troubles away. He's got a $1000 in his bank account, a bohemian heart, and Bonsai Beach in his sights. Wait a tic... hold up! $1000? 3/4 of that will be spent on airfare (a super cheap flight transporting livestock and kool-aid). Braden says he'll stay in hostels once in Oz. Correct me if I wrong, but I'm a bit of a seasoned traveller and you can't stay in hostels if you're over 26. Butter Face is 28. Alright so Braden's plan isn't perfect. The best laid plans rarely are.
As mentioned earlier, Lydia has officially crossed over to the dark side and I don't care for it one bit. She's all up in Jessie's junk now telling him whatever he wants to hear. She's now taken to badmouthing Braden. She doesn't like it that Braden calls her "Lyds". Only her mom can call her "Lyds". Braden doesn't know that! Just tell him you don't like that nickname and move on. My niece called me "PeePee" for a while so I locked her in the basement until she stopped. Problem solved. Lydia also claims that Braden tried to kiss her. Braden didn't try to kiss her in a romantic way. I think it was just a friendly surfer thing. Lydia is hating people based on the silliest nonsensical reasons. She should try hating them for their physical attributes like me. ;)
Not much else happened that's worth reporting. Braden made a soft pitch to Ronnie and Michele to stay in the game, but they just laughed at him as soon as he left their room. I'm warning you now: It may be boring until Thursday UNLESS Braden finds his balls and puts up a fight.
A word on Michele. I don't have a problem with her per se, but I do have a problem with her 99 cent hooker outfits she's been wearing every night. Every single night she puts on a hideous ill-fitting polyester get up of some kind and her plastic black hooker heels. She looks like she's ready to star in one of those Hookers At The Point documentaries they're always showing on HBO. I think it started because she wanted to dress up one night. The boys obviously lied when they complimented her on her outfit, but she took it as truth so now she's wearing a new hooker outfit every night. Maybe her husband forces her to wear sweats all the time. Late at night when he's asleep (passed out on Boone's Farm) she sneaks into her bathroom, pulls her hooker clothes out of the hiding spot above one of the squares in her ceiling, and poses in the mirror while painting her face with a paint-by-numbers set her husband got her one christmas. She has a fantasy of one night mustering up the courage to crawl out of her window and hitching down to the local honkey tonk. She wonders what it would be like to bump uglies with a man named Harlan...
No clips today... I think the youtube clips are preventing my posts from showing up at the Big Brother Network so I'm running a little experiment today.
A quick shout out to chazhu. Thanks for your kind words yesterday. It was good to see you in the chats.
Few things in life make me as happy as a complete and total Big Brother backyard breakdown. I knew it would happen. Everything I cited yesterday was a contributing factor. How did I get so brilliant? I was blessed. What can I say?
OK, so yesterday Russell was in the BY showboating for the ladies doing push-ups while in a handstand (that was not a joke.... he seriously was doing that). Jeff comes out and hops on their rickety Elliptical machine. Russell yells something about "technotronics" (This is the word Jeff misspelled in the POV comp. Remember how Russell and his cronies think Jeff threw the comp?). Technotronics was all Jeff needed to unleash.
Here's what ensued:
I know what you're thinking. Natalie is a fucking liar. Who is she kidding saying that she doesn't talk or lie? Girl is on crack. Oh and did she grab her crotch during that fight? As a fellow Latina, I understand her getting hot under the collar, but there's no need to grab your junk. There's no grabbing junk in Big Brother!
Jeff did call Russell a "faggot" which I have a big problem with. I hated it when Perez Hilton did it so I have to hate it when Jeff did it. Why do people always resort to gay slurs when they lose their temper? Is it that hard to think up an effective insult?
A lot of things were finally explained yesterday. It has been extremely difficult to figure out exactly why Chima and Lydia were ever nominated in the first place. Well, it turns out Jeff is, in a roundabout way, linked to it. Those first few days in the house were crucial in explaining how we got to where we are today. Hopefully, tonight's show will clear some more things up, but here's what I can gather:
Jessie won HOH. He asked everyone who they would nominate if they were HOH. Jeff said he would put up Chima because of that hissy fit she had over losing the food comp. He also said that he would consider putting up whoever dropped first or second in the HOH comp. Michele dropped first in that competition so Natalie, in turn, ran to Michele and told her that Jeff wanted her out of the house. Natalie is a little backstabbing snake for turning against someone in her own clique like that.
Jessie asked Jeff who he was tight with in the house that wasn't in their clique. Jeff said he was close to Jordan and Lydia. Jessie said, "Great! Let's make an alliance with them and we'll be 6 people strong." Jeff casually mentioned to Jordan that the athletes wanted to work with her and Lydia. Apparently, it was too casual because Jordan didn't ever remember it happening (until late last night) and Jeff never bothered to report back to Jessie with their answer. Jessie interpreted no response to mean that Jordan and Lydia weren't interested and, as a result, Lydia was on the block. Somewhere in there, Natalie thought Lydia was after her and all of Natalie's constant bitching definitely contributed to Lydia's nomination as well.
OK now why is Russell so pissed off at Jeff? That clash started well before the POV Technotronic incident I think. Here's a theory: Russell and Jeff both like Jordan! Jordan wants nothing to do with Russell thus hurting his ego and manhood. (To see Russell's manhood, click here, very NSFW: http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/7683/lovemuscle.jpg...) Russell, in turn, is a jealous little bitch and is taking it out on Jeff.
With all that pre-feed crap outta the way, we can move on to yesterday's complete mindfuck. As of yesterday morning, Russell was going to use the POV and remove Lydia from the block. Braden was going to go up in Lydia's place. (Natalie started some completely inaccurate rumor that Braden is the mastermind behind the opposing alliance) The plan was in motion. It was gonna happen... until Ronnie came to town.
Ronnie, the creepy chatty dork, ran to Jordan and told her about the plan to put up Braden. He wasn't supposed to do that! Jordan went and told Braden of the plan. Braden told Jeff and word spread like wildfire. It gets back to Russell that Braden knows he's going to be backdoored. Russell is LIVID. He knows Ronnie is responsible and he confronts Ronnie. Ronnie was shaking in his shoes. You could tell he was scared shitless. He lies to Russell, denies any wrongdoing, and promptly runs around the house to everyone telling them not to tell Russell that he told them about Braden going up.
This whole time Russell knows something isn't right with Ronnie. He's the first one in the house to suspect that Ronnie is a HUGE part of all the rumors circulating. No one before Russell ever suspected Ronnie so I've got to hand it to Russ for figuring it out. Russ talks to Jessie bitching about Ronnie's big mouth. Ronnie interrupts the convo and Chima comes with him. Chima starts blaming Lydia for spreading the Braden rumor and Russell begins to suspect that maybe it was Lydia all along, and not Ronnie, who has been spilling the beans. I HATE CHIMA! Dumb bitch ruins everything! If it wasn't for her, Ronnie would have been caught and manhandled in ways I can only imagine. Thanks to Chima, Ronnie is once again off the hook... for now.
Ronnie is working both sides of the house. As of late last night Jordan is still telling Ronnie all of her secrets and it kills me everytime. I find myself screaming at the screen, "Noooo Jordan! Don't tell him anything!" Sure enough EVERY SINGLE THING Jordan tells Ronnie gets retold to Jessie and his cohorts with whatever clever embellishments Ronnie feels like throwing in. Ronnie literally, spends the entire day running back and forth between alliances pressing everyone for info and then telling the opposing alliance everything he's learned. Russell almost caught him, but Chima fucked that up.
Remember how yesterday I recapped the conversation where Ronnie told Chima that she could throw HOH to him and he'll "get blood on his hands" for her? Well, you're not gonna believe this, he said the SAME EXACT THING to Jordan, Braden and Jeff! Clearly, Ronnie wants that next HOH. He's telling everyone in the house to throw the competition to him. Oh he makes me so angry. Fists clenched, lips pursed A-N-G-R-Y. I canNOT wait for Ronnie to be found out. Oh and it's going to happen, believe you me. He will get caught and it won't be pretty. He'll probably cry and I'll probably laugh. I'm counting the days.
Last night, Casey hinted that he's onto Ronnie as well. He said to Russ at one point as Ronnie walked by, "You need to watch out for him. I'd be very wary of anything he says. He scares me." Good on you Casey, as the Australians say, good on you!
It's at this point in the post where I have to eat my words. Like every other season before, my first impressions were completely off the mark. Casey, whom I thought would be annoying and intolerable, is impressing me immensely. He's playing the smartest game so far. He's not a floater because he has definite opinions yet he's coming across as if he hasn't committed to a side yet (and no one is threatened by it!). He sits back and observes everything that goes on, lets it sink in, twists it around in his mind, analyzes it, and then keeps his conclusions to himself. He doesn't react instinctually. He waits. He's calm. I can appreciate these traits because I'm the complete opposite. I'm hotheaded and jump to conclusions way too quick. I admire in other people the qualities I lack.
Braden is... *coughs* growing on me. There was a point last night when he was sitting with Jeff outside talking about how Michele is such a cool chick because she always has something to offer, is funny, smart, and so incredibly nice. It made me feel tingly all over hearing 2 guys appreciate the finer qualities in a woman. They made fun of Laura because they said she has nothing to contribute to a conversation other than comments about herself. I was captivated by the converstaion because I'd obviuosly given neither guy the credit they deserved. It's also surprising to see Braden not completely flip his lid after finding out he may be backdoored. He was cool as a cucumber not getting emotional at all until the nomination actually happens.
Here's some of that conversation last night:
Lydia, Lydia, Lydia... how do you solve a problem like Lydia? She's clearly doing ANYTHING she can to stay in the house and I'm not sure I can fault her for that. The problem is she's turning on her friends in the process. Last night Lydia, Jessie, Natalie and Jordan had a converstaion in the HOH room about Jeff. Lydia sided with Jessie and Natalie and tried to convince Jordan that Jeff is a bad seed and will not stick up for her in the long run. That's fine. Lydia can believe (incorrectly) what she wants. She's just trying to survive BUT as soon as Jordan left the room Lydia badmouthed her and that completely turned me off. Jordan is the only person who's been 100% loyal to Lydia and as soon as Lydia sees that turning on Jordan can possibly help her, she does it without a care in the world. I still want her to stay in the house over Chima, but if Braden still goes up I can't honestly say that I want Lydia to stay over him. At least Braden is loyal and doesn't float to where it's most convenient.
Oh one more thing! How could I forget the completely awkward possible romance budding between Natalie and Jessie? I shit you not. Jessie was in the HOH room trying to reveal something to Natalie. He got so weird and shy and then covered it up by telling her she had a good body. I think ever since he found out that Natalie is really 24, he's kind of digging her now. Sure they're awful wretched people, but I think it would be so entertaining to see a man beast romance happen. Truthiz321 in the chats has taken to calling Natalie, Manalie. LOL. Manalie and the Man Beast. I like it. That brings me to my whacky clip of the day:
So that's where we are. Alliances are crumbling. More answers are coming to light. New heroes are emerging. Romances are budding. It's a hell of a start to a new season. I don't think I can remember a BB season that was so insanely gossipy from the getgo. Figuring out the truth is like wading through a pool of shit trying to find a diamond. It takes work and it stinks!
I think a lot of questions will be answered during tonight's broadcast and we'll finally see who exactly is telling the truth. I have a feeling Natalie and Chima will come across as complete bitches tonight and I'm looking forward to it!
Who have you guys changed your opinions about? Anyone impressing you yet?
OK... WEIRDEST day EVER yesterday. The HG's picked who was playing in the POV really early in the day and the rest of the day was spent sitting around waiting for the POV to start.
Chima got HG's choice and picked Natalie. The other players are Jessie, Lydia, Chima, Russell, and Jeff. Is it just me or is it weird that the ENTIRE Athletes clique is playing? Hardly seems fair.
A quick word on Chima: I don't think I've touched on this here before, but this girls laugh is SO BLOODY ANNOYING and bitch laughs at EVERYTHING. It's phony, it's loud, it's shrill... it's driving me bat crazy.
Moving on... Ronnie, sweet innocent Ronnie, brainy dorky Ronnie, uncomplicated excited Ronnie is really the devil incarnate. He gossips more than all of the girls put together. He's the reason most of the HG's distrust one another. It's a good thing he has a photographic memory because it would be humanly impossible to keep all his lies straight. Ronnie, from this day forth I dub thee Shit Stirrer.
Shit Stirrer's new favorite phrase is "snake in the grass". I can't count how many times he called Lydia a "snake in the grass" yesterday. You can hear the Shit Stirrer calling the kettle black and gabbing like a sorority girl in the following clip. He expresses his hate for Braden, Casey, Jordan, and Jeff and then tells Chima that she should let him win the next HOH. Boy has balls.
I can't go on without touching on Natalie. Natalie NEVER SHUTS UP. She is CONSTANTLY playing and running back and forth whispering to Chima, whispering to Jessie, whispering whispering whispering. And why the hell has she pretty much moved into Jessie's HOH room? She eats all his food which I guess is OK because she burns all those calories by running her trap 24/7. Finally, she came clean with Jessie and revealed that she's indeed 24 and that she's a tae kwon do champ. I really hope that lie about her age comes back and bites her in the ass in the very near future. I want this little chatty Natty (why are all Natalie's on BB constant talkers?) to hit the road ASAP.
With the POV looming over the house, they had nothing but speculating to do all day. The original plan was that if Lydia won, Jordan would go up. If anyone else won, nominations would stay the same and Lydia would be sent home. This entire plan pretty much gets shot to hell by the end of the night.
BB gave the HG's a dictionary to read, study, or do whatever with because it had something to do with the POV comp. When asked if they'd studied the dictionary, one of the muscle twins (Laverne or Shirley) said, "Yeah I read a few chapters." LOL I wonder how they found the story of those few chapters to be. Did the aardvark actively alienate the beautifully buxom bystander? Idiots. Allison Grodner then sent out a tweet that the POV comp would "change the complexion of the house". I interpret that as the HG's will be getting something on their faces during the competition. Bukaki? Oh come on... you know you were thinking the same thing.
So the day trudged on and Jessie ate about 30 times, Lydia whimpered into her baby blanky, Chima laughed endlessly, Natalie never stopped talking, Ronnie ran back and forth spreading falsities, Russell gazed in all the mirrors, Laura refused to eat, Michele... Michele? Is she still in the house? What purpose does she serve? Someone needs to start a rumor about her to get her to come out of her shell. It worked with Laura.
Laura was content to be quiet and horsey while occasionally stuffing her ginormous breasts back into whatever teeny tiny top she was wearing. She planned on letting everyone else sink their own ships while she sailed unnoticed into the Final Four. Plannus Interuptus. Ronnie came along and fucked it all up. Shit Stirrer must have run out of people to talk about because he started telling everyone that he wanted Laura out and that Jessie wanted her out too. Laura, desperate for air time, approached Ronnie and confronts him. She tells him she doesn't have any alliances and that she's never said anything about anyone. Ronnie promptly runs and tells Jessie and then immediately runs back down to Laura never leaving her side even when she says she wants to talk to Russell in private. Ronnie was there memorizing everything and thinking of ways to twist his newfound knowledge into moronic gossip.
Boring. Exhausting. Everyone talking in circles. Literally, 6 hours of this passed before they got to the Veto Comp. They timed it so it would end right before After Dark started.
Bad news. Russell won the POV and from what I can tell Jeff threw the whole competition. He didn't want to win and make further enemies if he chose to take Lydia off the block. OK this bugs me. This bugs me big time. What a coward! He claims to be on Lydia's side, but he takes the cowards way out as soon as it's humanly possible? I'm so sick of these players pulling a Dr. Will and losing everything because they think it'll win them the game. Uh Jeffy Pooh, you're not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes. Jessie, Natalie, Chima, and Russell KNEW you threw the POV. They talked about it immediately after the competition was over. I'm pretty sure Lydia knew as well. And Casey was FURIOUS! Man up! Play to win. Pick a side. Put your neck out there for someone in your alliance you pansy.
Here's where the night took a turn down Yucky Lane. After the POV, the HG's that competed wanted to take showers. Lydia said she wanted to shower with Russell (he won the POV after all). Russell, in the HOH, told his alliance he might shower with her just to get a blow job out of her. Major fail Russell. You misogynistic pig. I know Lydia said she'd hook up with whomever to stay in the game, but now it's just a joke. I knew her over the top flirting would get her into trouble. No one takes her seriously now and the guys are beginning to take advantage of her with rude comments like Russell's.
After winning the POV and insulting women everywhere, Russell walked around with his chest puffed up thinking he was god's gift. Jeff was having none of it. He threw a major F-bomb rant in the pool room. My favorite part was when he said, "Go upstairs and fucking jerk off Jessie you homo.". How I would love to see him say that to Russell's face! It starts at about 3:00 in the next clip.
Funny little side note, the DR said something to Chima about her constantly shiny face. She wondered if they'd said something to the others. They hadn't. HAHA!
OK so one thing is really confusing me. Why is half the house so adamant in keeping Chima? She's a sore loser, she bitches about everything (now she's insisting that no one is washing her clothes properly), and she's not really supertight with anyone. I seriously don't get it. There is no advantage whatsoever to keeping Chima in the game.
Laura, for some reason , has become a point of contention for the Muscle Group. I'm thinking it leads back to Ronnie's shenanigans. There may have been some talk about taking Chima off the block and putting Laura on. I'm not sure, but she was in the HOH defending herself to Jessie. She kept saying how powerful she was and how she's one the 4 strongest people in the house and a fierce competitor. Did I miss something here? Laura has done nothing! She lost the HOH competition and she didn't even compete in the POV comp!
She started saying that she wanted to go to the Final Four with Jessie, but any mention of the Final Four Jessie just tunes out. He thinks it's silly to think that far in advance. His new strategy is to take everything day by day because previous experience has taught him that the house changes every hour. At least he's learned something from last time.
Back at the dining table, Lydia kept rubbing Russell's back and I was just horrified. It pisses me off to see her degrading herself like that. When she gets desperate she will resort to ANYTHING to stay in the house. Over the course of the night, she pretty much threw everyone under the bus. She claims that Casey makes fun of her, that she doesn't trust Kevin, and that Braden creeps her out. Ohhhh Lydia WHY? Talking trash about your alliance may keep you in the house another week, but that's just putting off your inevitable eviction. Only now, you'll have your friends coming after you and it'll hurt all the more.
I'm really disappointed in Lydia. I don't like the way she's playing the game. Instead of smart strategizing and building alliances, she's degrading herself and abandoning her friends. She's also crying an awful lot and people are beginning to call her Amber 2.0. If any of those people in her alliance (albeit "soft" alliance) finds out what she's said about them, it'll be a 9-1 vote (only Jordan would vote to keep her) to evict her. It's only Saturday and things change by the minute. I'm hoping Lydia will redeem herself before the POV ceremony.
Last I heard, Jessie was thinking of putting Braden on the block (with the help of Natalie in his ear constantly). I don't like Butter Face Braden, but he didn't really do anything to deserve going up either. I don't understand where Jessie's head is at. He should get rid of Ronnie or Laura and stop listening to Natalie. Natalie has switched loyalties too many times to count and she's going to screw Jessie's game up if he keeps listening to her.
Earlier in the night, Chima revealed something about herself that was shocking and jaw dropping. She was raped and almost killed by a serial killer known as the Bathtub Killer. Crazy, right? Here's a clip from an article online about the attack Chima spoke of:
"Three years later, in February of 1999, 22-year-old Chima Benson sleeps soundly in her sorority house when she wakes up to a masked man in her bedroom. The man brutally beats and rapes Chima, before fleeing into the night. At the hospital semen is collected. The sample is compared to the DNA from the 1996 murders at the Peartree apartment complex, and confirmed to be a match.
The serial killer is back, but now he has changed his methods. He is raping, but not killing. Arlington Detective Tommy Lenoir questions Benson, who tells him her attacker was a black male."
Chima apparently had to have 2 surgeries on her face as a result of the beating. Since then, the Bathtub Killer has been put to death by lethal injection.
Totally out of left field. Heartbreaking. Terrifying. Still, I can't help but wonder why Chima chose to tell this story now. She brought it up after Kevin talked about coming out to his parents. In Big Brother I'm suspicious of everything. Was this an attempt for Chima to stay in the house by getting sympathy votes? I honestly don't know.
Let's get our minds off that sad story and instead head to the gutter. Here's your whacky clips for the day. The HG's are having a talk about different sexual fetishes. Everything is fair game from anal to strap-ons. Send your kids out of the room if you choose to watch. This is very NSFW.
Joel McHale discusses Jessie again on The Soup. I knew he would! Hopefully, someone recorded it and it will be available on youtube later.
Did you hear that last night? The low gentle swell of Hallelujah's when the feeds turned on. You know you felt a tingle in your nether regions. You can't fool me.
Jessie is back in the house and personally I'm thrilled. Jessica, Cowboy or Brian would have been too boring. A gentle hairless man beast, on the other hand, always brings the drama.
Jessie Haters, get over yourselves! He's in the house for a limited amount of time. He will NOT win this show. The 12 new HG's have a common bond that even Jessie and his 20 new lbs of man flesh can't penetrate. He's here on a short stint so let's take advantage while we can. He lives in the Land Of Fancy, a mythical world where prisons pop up at every corner and women with faces like frying pans gently knead his calves. In addition, he's brought something new this season and I like to call it the Schlemeel Schlemazel. More on that later.
The feeds turned on and one thing is more than apparent - pervy camera guy is back! Lydia and Jordan decided it would be great fun to dress themselves in bright girly lingerie for the Showtime crowd and pervy camera guy was determined to get his camera up Jordan's dress. It's impossible to do with a camera embedded in the wall, but gosh darn if pervy camera didn't try his damndest.
While we appreciate Jordan and Lydia getting dressed up, it was a little awkward and forced. They weren't performing a lavish show like Chelsia and Natalie did that one legendary night (you know the one I'm talking about). Instead they beautified themselves and then sat around doing nothing special. The other girls snickered and stared. Laura, Natalie, and Ronnie called them America's Favorite Sluts while Chima (pronounced She-ma) said they looked like ho's. I was confused and besotten. How banging is Lydia's body? She's tall, lithe, and has legs for days. At the same time she was fidgety and tugging at her outfit. Maybe it hit her that wearing silly lingerie without a plan wasn't the best of ideas.
While Jordan (who they unfortunately call 'Gucci') and Lydia walked delicately on high heels through the backyard, Russell was busy falling in love in the kitchen. Boy has never met a mirror he didn't like. All night he gazed at himself in every mirror he encountered. He'd turn his head this way and that, flexed his pecs, and looked himself up and down at his reflection as if he were eyeing a choice piece of meat. In actuality, he's a bald short man who added muscle because he couldn't add inches.
Russell only averted his gaze away from himself when Jessie floated down the stairs. You should have seen the glint in his eye! Dare I say, he sparkled? So now Laverne and Shirley are in the kitchen admiring each other's muscles gabbing away like Jonas Brother fans and asking each other, "What did you think me?" "I thought you were ripped. What did you think of me?" Mensa material clearly. It was almost beautiful watching the birth of this bromance.
In between the awkward lingerie show and the man love taking place in the kitchen, I discovered who our 2 HG's up for eviction are. It's Chima and Lydia. Really Jessie, really? I guess I'm not surprised he went with 2 women. Didn't he always target the women on his season as well? Women just don't appreciate his muscles like other men do I guess.
It turns out that during a food competition called 'Haves and Have Nots'. Chima threw a major hissy fit when she lost and was placed in the Have Nots. The Have Nots are on slop, have to take cold showers, and are forced to sleep in the dreaded Third Room. Apparently, she bitched and moaned telling the producers that this is not what she signed up for. Uh yeah bitch, this is what you signed up for!
OK so the house is clearly divided. On one side we have Natalie, Chima, Russell, Laura and Jessie. The other side is Jordan, Lydia, Jeff, Kevin and Casey. It's unclear where Michele and Ronnie really lie. Michele doesn't speak and Ronnie floats in between the two groups. Chima, Jessie and Natalie all have a problem with Jeff. They can't believe he'd vote against his clique. Jeff is doing his own thing and not following the crowd. Makes me like him all the more.
A word on Jeffy Pooh: Allison Grodner had it all wrong. Butter Face Braden is not eye candy at all. He's soft and flabby with the body of a woman 2 months pregnant. It's Jeff who's captured the ladies hearts in the live feeds. Girls were swooning all over the place over him. I don't get it at all. I find him perfectly ordinary, but who am I to argue with the majority?
Lydia, pissed at her nomination, is determined to win the POV and stay in the house. Until then, she and Kevin have launched Operation Sex Bomb. She's going to use her feminine wiles to stay in the game. She did say in her interview that she would hook up in order to further her game. A woman true to her word.
Her first victim was Russell. She slinked over to him in the kitchen, towering above him, and gripping him in a tight bear hug. He blushed and said she was so freaking tall. Next was Casey. He walked by and Lydia shouted, "Casey is there a moment where you don't look so good?" Casey grinned and flirted back saying it was Lydia who looked good. Then Natalie walks by and heads upstairs to take a bath in the HOH room. Lydia jokes that she wants Natalie to bathe naked. Lydia is working overtime like the rent is due tomorrow! She better be careful though. Operation Sex Bomb can blow up in her face if she's too obnoxious.
My most favorite seduction of the night was her attack on Jessie. She cooed, she touched, she batted her lashes, she hugged, she snuggled, she let a single tear drop down her face (hello Demi). Girl can cry on cue! Here's a little snippet of the almost 30 minute seduction that went on last night:
After Jessie, Lydia went to work on Ronnie. She told Ronnie that she wanted a "nice person" to win the game and she implied that Chima was not that person. Chima, in fact, is a bitch. She thinks Chima is mean and then plays off her meanness by pretending she's funny. I really can't tell if Ronnie was taking the bait. He was acting like he was, but, then again, he's also tight with Natalie and Laura. I can't get a read on the guy quite yet.
Let's touch on some of the other HG's and how they're not living up to my first impressions...
Jordan is way more outgoing than I gave her credit for. She's bitchy, flirty, and speaks up. Knowing that she's only really seen footage of the CBS shows makes me think that she's not hyper aware of the cameras yet. She's not privy to what acting like a fool will do to you on youtube and thank heaven for that! Laura, on the other hand, is very uptight. She's long-faced and sad, busy thinking all the time, making sure the cameras are getting her at her best angle. Thus far, she's a big boobed bore!
Natalie is scrappy, low maintenance, and tight with all the guys. She's young and it shows. She's rushed into alliances without thinking about how they can advance her game. I wouldn't be surprised if her Athletic clique turns on her in the future. And if Chima leaves this week, she's down a female ally which will hurt her in the end. For some reason, she's completely made herself at home in Jessie's HOH. She listens to his music, stays in his room while he showers, bathes in his tub. I'm not even really getting an impression that Jessie is all that tight with her, but Man Beast can't afford to make any enemies I guess so he lets her do what she wants.
Casey is annoying. Have you ever seen that movie Malibu's Most Wanted with Jaime Kennedy? Well, we have a new B-Rad in the house and thy name is Casey. DJ Jazzy Casey, when not talking about the game, is obnoxious, idiotic, and childish. When Casey Kasem starts gets serious though, I really really like him. He's got a lot going on upstairs as demonstrated in a convo he had with Kevin.
MC White does NOT trust Jeff. He's convinced Jeff threw the HOH competition insisting there's no way a guy that athletic could have fallen so quickly. He thinks floaters need to go ASAP - this may include Ronnie whom he thinks makes more money than he's letting on. He wants Natalie gone SPECIFICALLY for being 18 (I knew that lie was moronic and would backfire). He thinks Laura could be an ally because she's in desperate need of allies. His approach is to play the game week by week and reevaluate what his alliances are before moving forward. Smart. It's always bugged me when people would assume they'd win HOH or POV and then make elaborate plans around wins that hadn't even happened yet. It looks like, for now, he's leaning towards keeping Lydia in the game. Thank you Casey.
Late night after Showtime ended, the HG's decided to put on a little beauty pageant type show in the BY. Casey, shockingly funny, hosted and here's what went down:
Late in the night, Lydia worked a little more on Natalie and Michele. Natalie seemed to be taking the bait saying she felt bad that Lydia was so upset, but early this morning she told Jessie that she would not vote out Chima. Jessie doesn't think Chima needs the money, but, unfortunately, he's also leaning towards getting rid of Lydia.
Today is crucial. Lydia needs to stop being so fake and over the top and make some real alliances. She's definitely very close to going home if she loses POV tomorrow. It'll be interesting to see how Operation Sex Bomb evolves today.
So what did you guys think about last night? Who are you liking? Hating? How did your first impressions change? Spill it. I'm all ears.
Julie Chen was on Craig Ferguson last night and, in addition to revealing this year's twist, she revealed that she's going to be having a bouncing baby boy. Congratulations Chenbot!
I'm not going to mince words here. Chenbot really didn't reveal anything we already didn't know. She says there will be a mystery 13th Houseguest from a former season. This is what we've been told ALL ALONG! No new news here babe. The thing that pisses me off just a tad is how all these other BB sites have been reporting 16 HG's for the past week. Apparently, they all heard it from their super secret inside sources. What a crock!
The moral to this story is that the ONLY source die hard BB fans can count on and trust is the mysterious insider known as Corner Office. Corner Office is the only one who consistently reports accurate information. If you check out my last post in the spoilers section, you'll see all the crazy rumors that were going around yesterday. BBDish had CONFIRMED, set in stone, tattooed it on their ass that there were going to be 4 new HG's. Meanwhile, Steven (last night on BB Hour) AND Julie Chen flew in and unconfirmed that shit in one fell swoop.
Back to Ferguson... remember when Julie was on last year and Craig had a field day picking on Jessie? Well, the way she said that Craig will definitely remember the HG coming back makes me think it could very well be Jessie. Jessie with his rippling muscles and empty head has come squatting back into my heart. I love this boy and all his ridiculous metaphors. He gives me endless material for my daily posts. Mind you, I don't want him to win or anything. I merely want this strapping young buck to continue to be a moron so I can, in turn, retell it all here in order to entertain you good people with.
Greetings fellow Big Brother junkies! How antsy are you today? I don't know about you, but I'm having trouble keeping my mind focussed on anything not BB related. I went to Whole Foods to purchase supplies for my underground BB shelter and a strange thing happened while in the produce section. I squeezed a melon or two. Natalie. Tested the firmness of a zucchini. James. Bought a giant box of raisins. Jessie. Everywhere I turned I saw ghosts of BB past.
Those of you new to the Bitchy Big Brother Blog should know how this season will be going down...
I will be posting a recap blog everyday. Each blog will cover all the goings-on in the house of the prior 24 hour period. For example, a blog post on Friday will cover everything from Thursday day into Thursday late night. Saturday's blog will cover Friday and so on. Blogs will contain clips of the previous days juiciest moments. No fight, sexual dalliance, or sneaky scheming will go unnoticed by moi. They will all be posted here for your viewing pleasure and retold with my signature bitchy wit and charm.
I will send a tweet when a new blog is up. Please follow me on Twitter so you never miss a thing: http://twitter.com/ColetteLala
If you're not on Twitter, don't sweat it. The blog will be up probably between 12- 2 PM EST weekdays and a little earlier weekends. It coincides perfectly to when the HG's wake their lazy asses up California time.
Since I will be covering EVERYTHING in the house, this blog will contain SPOILERS. You'll have spoilers coming out your ass by the time I'm done with you. I'm warning you now: If you do not want to know who wins competitions or who gets nominated before the CBS show airs then this is not the place for you. Thank you for stopping by and have a lovely day.
For those of you who want and need to know everything, welcome! You can call me Lala and I will be your Cruise Director for Big Brother Season 11 2009. Please extinguish all cigarettes and return your seats and tray tables to their full upright position.
Let's get those pesky abbreviations out of the way, shall we? If you're not familiar with BB blogs, the following abbreviations will be used almost daily. Get to know them.
BB - Big Brother (duh) HG - Houseguest HOH - Head of Household POV - Power Of Veto DR - Diary Room LD - Lockdown (when HG's are forbidden to go either inside or outside) BY - Backyard LR - Living Room BR - Bedroom BBT - Big Brother Time (Pacific Time) FoTH - Flush of The House, this is the graphic we see when the feeds go down (during competitions, prepping for live show, whenever an HG sings or talks smack about someone in the real world)
With the increased popularity of Twitter it will no doubt (and already is!) be a HUGE part of BB11 (#BB11). I haven't decided yet if I'll tweet competition results. I wouldn't want to inadvertently tweet a spoiler to someone who doesn't want to be spoiled. I will, however, tweet MAJOR events as they're happening on the feeds. For example, "Huge fight between Laura & Lydia right now on Cam3!" That way if you're away from your feeds, you can drop everything and run wildly to your nearest computer.
If you are a live-feeder and frequent the chat rooms, go ahead and add me to your Friend List. I'm on Real Player as ColetteLala. My list is still intact from last season so if you've changed your name this season, please let me know.
Comment and comment frequently. Agree with me, disagree with me, lend me your insights... I love hearing what you guys have to say. I've changed my settings so Anonymous commenting is permitted. If you're a follower of my old blog, let me know who you are in the comments if you're commenting anonymously now.
Spread the word! This is my 4th season doing this blog and every year it gets bigger and better. This year the Bitchy Big Brother Blog is listed on several other BB sites as well as some cool blogs that might interest you (check out slackerchic listed on my blogroll). Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell the dude in the next cubicle, retweet my tweets, show me love people. If you have a blog (BB related or not) and would like to be listed on my blogroll, shoot me an email at colette_lala@yahoo.com. You list me, I'll list you.
Thank you for your continued support, Colette Lala
P.S. The Chenbot will be on Craig Ferguson tonight. Apparently, she's revealing a secret pertaining to this season. Clip will be posted here tomorrow.
***SPECIAL INSIDER INFO***
***BB insiders are reporting that we have one hell of a diva(o) in the house already. Someone lost a competition and threw a major hissy fit. My money is on Laura, Russell, or Braden. Who do you think it could be?
*** Yesterday HG's performed Thriller in memory of Michael Jackson. Can't wait to see that footage!
*** Ronnie has only been in the house for 3 days, but he's convinced he's already lost 4 lbs.
*** Could Jen Johnson be the Mystery Houseguest? Some sources are saying it's been confirmed. The Bitchy Big Brother Blog loves that bitch!
*** The BBDish site is reporting that the following HG's are the Mystery Houseguests: Brian (Brains), Jesse (Jocks), Cowboy (Outcasts), and Jessica (Populars)
*** Steven just said on the BB Hour that he's 99% only ONE HG is returning.
Someone on youtube described Casey as having a little bit of "poseur" in him. Well, I couldn't agree more. The dropping of the hip happening lingo is way hokey. I think he's trying to act like the 5th graders in his class.
He claims he's from the hip-hop community. Hmmm. I, ummm, I don't know what to say to that. He's rendered me speechless.
Casey claims he has "juice". I'm seriously scared to even ask what the hell that means.
"Roofin'"? What's roofin'? I don't think he's talking about laying shingles down. Oh, he's exhausting! I give up.
Jeff has an annoying Midwestern accent and says whiny people get on his nerves. Well, Jeffy Pooh, your voice gets on my nerves, don't ya know?
Oh Jeff is so blah. He bores me. Nothing about him is interesting. The most interesting thing about this interview is how Diane will NOT SHUT UP ABOUT LOSING HER SEASON DUE TO HER SHOWMANCE! I am so done with Diane right now. Seriously, girlfriend, you have issues. Go get yourself some therapy and get over that goddamn showmance that is still causing you so much grief.
A good thing about Jeff is he's willing to have a showmance. Good for you Jeffy Pooh! There's nothing wrong with a little onscreen lovin' that I can dissect and make fun of. Nothing wrong with it at all.
Another good thing about Jeff (hmmm maybe he's not so bad after all) is that he called out Diane about being so MAJORLY sensitive to her own pathetic loser-y showmance. Thank you Jeff! Finally, someone had the balls to say something to her.
*** The following post contains info on who won the first HOH ***
Corner Office, a BB insider, has divulged what went down the first night of BB11.
“As with every first night of Big Brother it was a love fest.
Ronnie couldn’t hide his excitement.
During the “Getting to know you” in the living room, Laura and Braden sat in the “you got screwed chairs”.
Casey comes off as another Boogie, fedora and all.
Jeff wore the Chicago city flag on his shirt. He definitely has an accent.
Michele downplayed her personal info.
Jordan is the new Jessica and everyone will love her.
*Watch out for Russell. He’s very chill and smart.*
Lydia and Laura were the first to talk game.* It was very brief and they said it’s hard to team up when they don’t know what cliques they’ll be in. Then Jeff and Russell joined them up stairs to play chess.
When Casey was called into the DR the rest of the HG made fun of him a little.
Braden rapped as well as a white surfer from the OC can.
BB decided to divide the HG into their cliques after all. They found out when they entered the Back Yard for the HOH Comp.
The first comp was endurance. The Athletes seemed to have the best grip on the game over all. Not just the physical aspect but also the mental. They’re there to play.
At 11:30 the house had an HOH. You first met him in BB10 and he is sure to add a lot of drama to not only the house but to his clique as well.”
Who is the BB10 alum who won HOH? Michelle from last year updated her facebook status. It now says that she's "rooting for Jessie". Can it be? Can the architect of his own imaginary prison really be back? He'd definitely add drama to the house and if he's in a clique with Russell the testosterone overload could have cataclysmic repercussions. Other BB websites are guessing Brian.
If the last BB spoiler update is accurate, then it wouldn't be so farfetched that BOTH Brian and Jessie are now in the house. If there are indeed 4 alumni coming back, could they be Brian, Jessie, Sheila and Jessica? I'll keep you posted if I hear anything new.
UPDATE: It has been confirmed that Sheila from BB9 will NOT be on Big Brother 11... and the choir of angels sang and rejoiced!
I actually watched this interview second today, but it was so boring that I didn't post it at the time. Since I'm going ahead and posting all the interviews, I guess I'll tie up some loose ends now.
So um yeah... I was bored. She loves her dad and she does tae kwon do. Big deal. Why did I think she was spunky when I first saw her? Maybe it's her immaturity that's really coming through in this interview. She seems a little naive and willing to believe anything people tell her. If you tell her something with enough conviction, she'll probably completely fall for it. She'll be good to watch in physical competitions because she could be a great female threat, but other than that she's not doing much for me.
Lovable dork Ronnie misses his wife "something awful". All together now... awwwwwwwwww.
You know what? I like him. I like him a lot. The other HG's may see him as an easy target, but I can easily see Ronnie rising up like a phoenix from the ash and crushing everyone in his path. He's a tap dancing, computer game playing West Virginia boy who's wicked smart and will lay low to further his game. He doesn't care for jocks (you're toast Russell) and let's logic and rational thinking pave his way in life. Hey, I even like his dorky laugh. It's genuine. He doesn't put on airs and he's a die hard fan.
Ronnie is my dark horse. Keep an eye on him. He's going to go far.
Jordan. Southern Belle. Bless her heart. She doesn't have the internet and a 5 hour flight to the big bad city of L.A. is just sooooooooo long. Bitch, try flying to Thailand with a hangover, a broken bra strap, and an empty bottle of xanax!
Seriously though, this chick is wholeseome. I'm talking unicorns and rainbows wholesome. Wait a tic... isn't she the one with the boob job? Please tell me her parents got them for her because of Big Brother. I would love that! You know she got back from her initial interview where all the big plastic boobs of L.A. scared her yet intrigued her at the same time. She wondered what they felt like. She envisioned herself being able to survive a plane crash over the ocean because she'd be able to float. You know she didn't get those bubbies for sex. Hell no!
I wonder if Miss Jordan is a virgin... just a good ole gal from the trailer park... reminds me of Kirsten Dunst's character in Drop Dead Gorgeous. Amber Atkins. Pretty, innocent, trying to make something of her life. I will have SO much fun creating Jordan's back story. The possibilites are endless. I haven't decided if I'll turn her into a slut yet. Nah. I like her virginal. Virginal but OBSESSED with sex. The naughty virgin.
In a nutshell, this game is going to eat her alive. Someone will lie to her or use her and she'll lose all faith in the world. Bunnies won't make sense anymore and clowns will only frown. She's delightful in a way. I'll have a good time with her.
Faaaaabulous! Face. Face. Face. Give me face! (You'll only get that if you watched RuPaul's Drag Race) Where is Nina Flowers when you need her?
His lingo, his scarf, his fabulosity... I love him! Choo choo... I am officially on board Kevin's gay train of love. He describes himself as "super fabulous with a snap" or "ghetto fabulous". His parents are crazy religious and, as a result, he's allergic to jesus. I love that. I'm totally stealing that phrase from him. I could sit and listen to him talk for hours. Everything is drama and he's divine.
My fantasy: Lydia and Kevin become besties and control everyone like mad fabulous puppeteers.
Clowns. Barnum and Bailey. Oh please... don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing.
(Note: I was writing this as the interview was running. You'll notice how my opinion slowly begins to change as the interview goes on.)
Chima is going to bug me. This is a fact. If she proves me wrong, I'll be the first one to admit it, but until then... bitch bugs me. I can't even pinpoint why yet. Maybe she's phony? I don't know, but something about her is really rubbing me the wrong way... OR is it rubbing me the right way and I just don't want to admit it? She's definitely got an inner bitch. You can tell when she was talking about Jen Johnson, but it was her Jen Johnson comment that made me pause and scratch my head. Could I like her? Could I end up actually rooting for Bozo... er, I mean Chima?
She's strong. I can respect that. She says what's on her mind. You know I'm all about that. But... but... but... something isn't right.
OK, I think I know what it is. She's saying all the right things in this interview, but I'm REALLY wary as to whether or not I should trust her and take her at her word. That's it! Something about her is untrustworthy and I can't get onboard her bus yet.
I'm teetering in between hating her and liking her. She could win me over. Only time will tell.
Someone needs to tell Diane that she's gotta get over that showmance thing already. She's mentioned it in every interview she's done. Get over it!
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