Monday, July 13, 2009

Butter Face Braden Beachcombing In Bonsai With Bubkis

Good morning BB fans!

First things first, let's talk about that CBS show last night. WOW. Lots of interesting tidbits I never would have gathered from the feeds. How cool was that "Have/Have-Not" comp? Very original CBS. Every season the comps get better and better so well done.

What a brat Chima was! She didn't exactly throw a fit as previously reported. Instead she just pouted and TOLD EVERYONE she's used to a lifestyle of luxury. Uh bitch, you don't go announcing to the whole house in the middle of a competition for a cash prize that you live the charmed life and won't put up with anything less than stellar. I hate you and your shiny face. Does all that clown work really pay that well? I mean, you must save money on wigs and prosthetic noses right?

Chima went up as a pawn? Who uses a pawn in the first nomination? Had Chima really done something heinous, keeping her in the house would have been a red flag that she was in an alliance with the Athletes. I'm annoyed Natalie even suggested the whole "pawn technique" in the first place. So unnecessary. I can't blame Ronnie for refusing to be the pawn either. Nobody is that stupid (well maybe Chima).

So Jessie has been lying by blaming Jeff for Lydia's nomination. Sneaky Man Beast. He fooled me. It looks like I have Russell to blame for the nomination (Lydia) that's changed the entire course of the game.

Sad sad horsey Laura. You know I actually think she really did find Jessie hot. I don't think she was lying about that at all. Laura's issue is an interesting one and it's one I saw coming a mile away. For those of you who read my blog commenting on her pre-show interview you'll remember how I pointed out that ugly girls who think they're hot are the worst. "You have to keep pushing them down with the palm of your hand because they're tenacious little monkeys." When she was sitting on the couch asking the group who the hottest guy was I totally thought she was setting herself up to get a compliment by asking the follow up question of who the hottest girl was. Didn't you guys think that? I figured she nixed the hot girl question idea because Jessie seemed nonplussed by the hot guy compliment.

Anyhow, Laura's problem is that she's realized she's not the hot girl at all (clearly Jordan is) and now she has no idea how to play the game. She was counting on her looks to be an important factor in her game play. Turns out, no one is impressed. What's a horsey big boobed girl to do? Sit around and be boring all day. That's what.

Jordan is by far the beauty of the house but she's also the house idiot. Yesterday she thought egg whites were the hard outer shell of an egg. LOL Deep down I don't think she's that moronic. I think she's probably played the dumb blonde in that hillbilly town of hers her entire life. It's become natural for her to act ditzy. It's gotten her far. It's gotten her those new bubbies of hers. I can picture her in her waitress uniform (similar to Sookie's in True Blood) in that truck stop restaurant she works in. Her legs long and tan, giant blue eyes, and new bubbies straining against the thin cotton of her t-shirt. The men, the regulars, probably smack her on her ass as she walks by. Her only response is to giggle. Giggling is what she does best. The sweaty fivers she gets for tips she keeps under her bed in a shoe box. She was saving up for a trip to Californ-I-A, but fate stepped in and flew her there for free. Now, she dreams, now she'll go to New York when she's done with Big Brother. She'll stand in Time Square, mouth open wide marvelling at all the tall buildings. A homeless person will ask her for a dollar. She'll give him a fiver. She knows what it's like to have to struggle...

(more on Jordan's adventures as the season progresses)

OK so yesterday was the big veto ceremony. Did Russell take down the nomination he tried so hard to make happen in the first place? You bet he did. Lydia is off the block, ladies and gentlemen. Butter Face Braden went up in her place. Early estimations don't look good for the poet surfer. It's looking like a 6-4 vote for Braden to leave. Lydia has crossed over to the dark side now and Kevin, that asshole, gave Chima his "word" that he wouldn't vote her out. Blog regulars know how I feel about people giving their "words". I hate it! Keesha's "word" kept Libra in the game all the way to the Jury House last season. I think promises have no place in BB. They only cause problems.

Apparently, the veto ceremony is a funny one. Braden said, "I got vetoed." or something and all the HG's cracked up.

So Braden is on the block and how did he react? He's goin' surfing bitches. That's how he reacted. He assumes he's leaving and, since he's given up his apartment, he has big plans to go to Australia and surf his troubles away. He's got a $1000 in his bank account, a bohemian heart, and Bonsai Beach in his sights. Wait a tic... hold up! $1000? 3/4 of that will be spent on airfare (a super cheap flight transporting livestock and kool-aid). Braden says he'll stay in hostels once in Oz. Correct me if I wrong, but I'm a bit of a seasoned traveller and you can't stay in hostels if you're over 26. Butter Face is 28. Alright so Braden's plan isn't perfect. The best laid plans rarely are.

As mentioned earlier, Lydia has officially crossed over to the dark side and I don't care for it one bit. She's all up in Jessie's junk now telling him whatever he wants to hear. She's now taken to badmouthing Braden. She doesn't like it that Braden calls her "Lyds". Only her mom can call her "Lyds". Braden doesn't know that! Just tell him you don't like that nickname and move on. My niece called me "PeePee" for a while so I locked her in the basement until she stopped. Problem solved. Lydia also claims that Braden tried to kiss her. Braden didn't try to kiss her in a romantic way. I think it was just a friendly surfer thing. Lydia is hating people based on the silliest nonsensical reasons. She should try hating them for their physical attributes like me. ;)

Not much else happened that's worth reporting. Braden made a soft pitch to Ronnie and Michele to stay in the game, but they just laughed at him as soon as he left their room. I'm warning you now: It may be boring until Thursday UNLESS Braden finds his balls and puts up a fight.

A word on Michele. I don't have a problem with her per se, but I do have a problem with her 99 cent hooker outfits she's been wearing every night. Every single night she puts on a hideous ill-fitting polyester get up of some kind and her plastic black hooker heels. She looks like she's ready to star in one of those Hookers At The Point documentaries they're always showing on HBO. I think it started because she wanted to dress up one night. The boys obviously lied when they complimented her on her outfit, but she took it as truth so now she's wearing a new hooker outfit every night. Maybe her husband forces her to wear sweats all the time. Late at night when he's asleep (passed out on Boone's Farm) she sneaks into her bathroom, pulls her hooker clothes out of the hiding spot above one of the squares in her ceiling, and poses in the mirror while painting her face with a paint-by-numbers set her husband got her one christmas. She has a fantasy of one night mustering up the courage to crawl out of her window and hitching down to the local honkey tonk. She wonders what it would be like to bump uglies with a man named Harlan...

No clips today... I think the youtube clips are preventing my posts from showing up at the Big Brother Network so I'm running a little experiment today.

A quick shout out to chazhu. Thanks for your kind words yesterday. It was good to see you in the chats.


  1. I'm glad you addressed the "kiss" between Lyds and Braden. I think she is just looking for things to bad mouth people about. And Braden said he knows people all over the world and can stay with them at any time. He will just shoot them an email, give them a heads up and jump on a plane. He is well known around the world and has no need for a hostel.(sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm)

  2. Great blog, Lala. Very informative as always. I am missing so much live time this season. I was so hoping to like Lydia, I'm on the fence bout her now. WANT Chima out.. Poor Braden, surfers look so good, but definitely lack brain cells, I think it's all those wipe outs. But, alas, surfer that he is, too laid back to buck up. Aww, the women. Depending on you for that, like Michelle, Jorden, still HATE Natalie. Charliesyaya

  3. im so glad u mentioned her horrible outfits and worse shoes jeez the chatters freaked when i said her outfit was ugly and so were her shoes it must have been the ppl with free internet