Thursday, July 22, 2010

They Must Be Stopped!

There is a recurring nightmare I have that haunts my days and nights. Sometimes I'll be standing in line at the grocery store and all of a sudden I'll shout, "Oh god no!". Or I'll be driving in my car and suddenly I'll jerk my arms and swerve onto a median trembling and crying to myself. Why, just the other day I was chatting with friends when I inexplicably stood up and rammed my head as hard as I could into a wooden door. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, the vile and evil thoughts keep creeping into my brain and paralyzing me with fear. I think you all know what I'm talking about. I've seen some of you react in a similar manner. It's like we're all in an M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie or something. We never know when it will strike or who it will hurt. It terrifies us from within. It's turning our souls into black cavernous abysseses. It's pungent. It's gooey. It's got a life of it's own. It's almost unspeakable... what if, my god, WHAT IF BRENDON BECOMES HOH TONIGHT?!? *blood curdling scream* Let's recap, shall we?

I apoligize in advance, but today is gonna be that short blog I was talking about. Bitch has places to go and things to do. I'd much rather sit here and entertain you whores all day, but life beckons.

OK now that I've scared the bejesus out of everyone, I'm afraid there's not really much to say about what went on yesterday. Rachel got her camera and took lots of photos of herself. Actually, that's not really fair of me to say. She also took a photo of Enzo on the toilet. I'd be remiss if I neglected to mention that.

For about 24 hrs or so, the house has been on an indoor lockdown. You know what that means, right? ENDURANCE. Better yet, Kathy is licking in between her fingers trying to get to any residual nicotine left behind. She's also up and walking around a lot. It's almost unnerving. My world ceases to make sense when Dragon Lady isn't supine wrapping her veiny legs around a blanket. Maybe her nic fit is to blame for what she does later on in the night. I'll get to that shortly.

So the HG's are bored, you're bored, I'm bored. There's a lot of laying around and talking about past BB seasons as well as discussing the Real Housewives franchise. My recent decision to hate Ragan turns out to be well founded - he's a Bethenny fan. Enough said. Britney. for god knows what reason, thinks the OC version is the best one which kind of makes me worry for her sanity. NYC is clearly the best. She also doesn't care for Gretchen. Come on! Gretchen's the most sane one on that nightmare of a show. I could talk for days about the Real Housebitches. I tend to side with whoever makes the show the most interesting. I'm Teams Jill, Nene, Gretchen, and... wait for it... Danielle. I can't help it. Those Manzos makes my no-no pucker and make evil faces.

While the HG's were discussing this and that, Joe Public (you assholes) were talking about Matt's big lie on last night's show. Matt made up some disease called Massingillyitis or something that his "wife" (I happen to think she's really a he) suffers from and that's why he's in the BB12 house playing for the money. Personally, I have no problem with it. I've always been a big fan of thinking outside the box and coming up with clever ways to manipulate your opponents. Funnier still, the lie is actually kind of working on big ole boneheaded Brendon. Then again, I think if you told Brendon your cat had a fungus in between it's toes, he'd probably cry and stroke your hair.

The only part of Matt's lie that really bothered me is when he promised to give a donation to the foundation for the disease he picked to give his wife. Gimme a break. Stop trying to be so politically correct and just keep whatever money you win for yourself. Yeah, I said it. If I won $500,000 on a tv show or in the lottery I wouldn't give one cent of it to anyone but myself. Alright, maybe I'd take my niece to Chuck E. Cheese or something. Actually, scratch that. I'm convinced the bubonic plague is alive and well in that pit of colorful balls. I'll take her Disney World instead. See? I'm nice.... sometimes. The point I'm trying to make, if I have one, is that you're on a reality which means you're kind of an attention whore anyways and, as an attention whore, you should be true to yourself and roll around naked in your winnings like Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson did in Indecent Proposal. Yeah, I think that's what I'm trying to say.

This brings us to the only real turn of events that happened last night. All day Monet has been crying while pitifully packing her things. She's upset that Matt will essentially be rewarded for being a jerk to her if he stays in the house. She cries to Kathy and says she really wants to stay. She thinks it's unfair she's being targeted just because she won some money. Dragon Lady feels her pain and thinks she sees some flecks of tobacco in Monet's weave. They hug it out while Dragon Lady frantically licks Monet's head.

After Dragon Lady gets a taste of that good stuff, she marches upstairs to the HOH and tells Brendon and Rachel that she can't in good conscience give Matt her vote today. She feels she has a moral obligation to teach him a lesson by switching her vote to Monet. *sigh* I hate these assholes so much. I really do. I'm SO sick of everyone trying to do the "right" thing and play with honesty and integrity. I'm sorry, but honesty and integrity are fucking boring. I don't pay to watch people be nice to each other. I pay to watch people lie, backstab, and be evil. Kathy's vote probably won't even make a difference in whether or not Matt stays or goes, so the fact that she thinks it's the equivalent of a spanking for Matt being a bad boy nauseates me. Oh, and don't count on her winning HOH anytime soon. I'm thinking she'll be throwing every single HOH comp. She's too much of a pussy to nominate anyone and put her foot down. Instead she'll hide behind worthless votes and be the BB12 Mrs. Garrett.

As for Rachel and Brendon, I hope this week is the end of their time in paradise. I need someone who'll shake this house up from it's core to win the HOH tonight. I'm thinking it definitely can't be Andrew, Ragan, or Kristen. I want whoever will nominate Brendon and Rachel. I want this next week to be a living hell for them. They've tortured me endlessly with their talking and breathing and existing. I want Rachel crying. I want Brendon begging on his knees to whomever is in the HOH. I want them to be ripped from each other's arms. Let's get Rachel out first, then get Brendon out in time to make it to the Jury House. Those weeks apart from each other are exactly what they need. Maybe Kristen can get sent to the Jury House too where she'll make sweet love to Brendon and emerge with a bun in the oven. Rachel will go all postal, kill Brendon, and then herself. It'll be a very fitting ending to the pain and suffering they've caused me.

So, who do you want evicted tonight? Who do you want to win HOH? How will Dragon Lady react when she discovers there's another lockdown coming (to remove the contraption BB spent all this time building)? What do you guys think of all this "nice" game play going on? Comment it out bitches and have a great day. Again, sorry for how short this is. I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Please check for to catch up on anything you missed.


  1. I want Monet gone, as long as Matt keeps his word and puts up Rachel and Brenden. Your scenario for the Rachel and Brenden split is perfect. I don't want Rachel out 1st because if Brenden leaves, she will try to get evicted the next week to be with him (I'm putting a lot of faith that Brenden won't do this if she goes 1st). I want Brenden to get to the jury house so that B and R will have to be separated even longer. Even though I can't wait until they are both living in reality and break up.....that will be a precious day. If one of them doesn't leave soon, I'm going to have to stop watching BB-it is not good for my health......

    Thank you for taking the time to write this makes my day that someone has the same thoughts about these HG's that I write what I think so much better than I ever could....I would just say.....SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY THE GAME!


  2. I couldn't agree more that Rachel needs to go first, then Brendon. But I disagree with sending either one of them to the jury house. I want them both gone and I don't want to see them again until finale night, when they're sitting there in those little chairs off to the side reserved for the big losers who didn't make it past week 4. Julie will usually ask one or two of them a question, then move on. That's how I'd like to see it play out. Rachel gone this week, Brendon next. Although I do have a feeling he's not nearly so annoying without her.

    I do see where you're coming from though. It would be pretty sweet to see Rachel, first one at the jury house, waiting excitedly at the door every week for Brendon to come in, and have to keep watching everyone else come in first....Kathy, then Kristen, then Ragan, then Hayden....poor Rachel, sitting on the bed she's painstakingly laid out rose petals on in anticipation of Brendon's arrival, and he ends up making it to the final two. Oh she'd lose her mind. That would be awesome.

    But I don't want either one of them on the jury. They're too self-righteous and they really do seem to think they're better than the rest of them. And I DEFINITELY don't want either of them winning any money.

    I just hope, once they're gone, neither one of them comes back.....

  3. I'm actually wishing the opposite. I want Brendon out first, so that Rachel can spend a week crying and giggling at the same time (just imagine the horrorific sound..... ew.) But right now I don't give a rat's ass as long as one of them goes next week. I think they should put one of them only up along with a random MeowMeow tribe member, and whoever wins POV gets that cat off the block and puts the other princess on so we know that one of them is sure to leave. It's a perfect plan, but in the end all that matters is to know who will be the glorious HoH winner tonight, and I'm hoping that no loser will be all "I'll give up if you promise me I'm safe." Enough of that crap!!!

    Rachelina, enjoy the last few hours of your reign bitch. *evil laughs*

  4. Personally, I want to see Brenden sent home next week and Rach sent to the Jury house. I think it would be great for Rach to have to be locked up in Jury for all those weeks having to wait until the finale to see Brenden again. I want her to fear that Brenden my be "going on with his life" while she is locked up in Sequester. Ya, I really can't stand her that much that I want to see her miserable. Do I hate her like I hated Natalie last season? NO, but seeing her miserable will be pretty funny.

  5. Sorry, I still have disgust for Johnny Fairplay's diabolical plot, "killing off his granny for sympathy". Karma is a bitch. I can't stand Matt's attempt at support for his dr,'s bills on behalf of his wife. (Poor Ragan seems to have fallen for this line.)I would hope he gets found out before long. Reminds me of Baller, also; he promised part of his winnings to a charity. And look what he did w/his $$$!!!

  6. Im torn. I dont care for Monet or Matt so either way Im good. I cant stand people like Monet that are total bitches then cry and genuinely wonder why they are seen that way. I dont know if I can take much more of her crying or just knowing everyone is out to get her because she's so much hotter than the rest of them. Oh shut up! Although, it might be interesting if Matt goes. That would make the Brigade scramble and who knows, it my cause friction in the other showmance if they go after Kristan's friends B&R. And if you havent read Racheals blog..DONT! It will make your head explode.

  7. 1. I don't mind Matt's lie.

    2. The only problem with Julie's perfect plan is, what if Brendon OR Rachel goes up, then the other one that's NOT up wins POV...then they'd both be safe. I don't like the backdoor this week. If it were up to me, I'd just put them both up. They can't both be saved with the veto. At least one of them would definitely stay up and go home.

  8. I would love to see Brittany or Enzo win HOH tonite. I can't watch B/R for another week in HOH. I would like both B/R evicted before jury house. The powers that be (DR) though know people hate them so they'll pull out all the stops to try and keep them there

  9. Great blog as usual. I really want both of them gone. Rachel can't really be college educated, can she? Really? Hope you are somewhere kicking ass Lala.

  10. I think Matt's lie was brillant cuz it worked. You can't believe ANYBODY in BB. If you do, you have no one to blame but yourself for handing over half a million dollars. (Oh and WHY were Ragan and Matt dressed alike? That's just weird.)

    But I kinda want Monet to stay because she fuels the mean girl fire and that shit cracks me up.

    If Brendon wins HOH, it will suck big ole hairy balls. I'm so sick of Brenchel. I agree - send one to the jury house and the other home. Their misery would be SWEET.

  11. I know lying is part of the game.

    Lying about a loved one having an incurable disease is horrible. Really,'s just despicable. I can just imagine how hurtful it is for people who actually have that particular bone disorder, to hear some jackass on TV trivialize it.

    But, if you choose to lie...lie better than this! Come up with a valid disease! Talk to a doctor, or someone who has it! Get some facts and details...cause, Andrew there's heard of a lot of diseases...and, he doesn't know what Matt's talking about.

    As far as Brendon/Rachel...I don't care who goes first. My ears bleed every time she talks. My stomach turns every time he blinks. These are two delusional idiots, and I want the part of my summer back that they have ruined.

    She looks like a tranny, and he looks like a pussy...maybe they deserve each other.

  12. I want Rachel evicted this week. I cannot take it anymore. I bitch about her constantly. My boyfriend thinks I've lost my mind and he worries that I may go hunt her down. Everything about her is sooooo fucking fake and annoying.

    So ummm, yeah... I'd like to see her evicted tonight. lol. Don't really care who wins HoH. As long as it's not Brendon. Or Kathy. Or possibly Ragan, or Kristin. Sheesh.

    I don't really care who goes home. I don't have anything against any of them... but I don't really like them either. There's no one in the house that I am really pulling for. These people make it hard to root for them. I kind of like Lane. I think Britney is hysterical, sometimes. And that's about it.

  13. I agree with Creme Tangerine completely on both points.

    You know people are lying, that is the whole point of Big Brother, to lie good enough to not get caught. Which is why it pisses me off when Rachel acts all high and mighty like she won't lie to people. This is Big Brother, lie to everyone all the time, it makes the best television!

    I'm hoping Matt or Brit wins HOH. They are my favorites, followed closely by Enzo and Lane. They crack me up. I need some drama please..

  14. Okay I just have to say I wanted to stab my ear drums last night listening to Kathy say "You Know" "I Know" "You Know" Someone give the woman a cigarette!!!!!! I would love for Matt to go home but I think Monet will. I hope Britney wins HOH because I would love to have the house flip and I love her diary room sessions! Unfortunately I can't put her on my fantasy team because she cries constantly and I would put myself in the red! Is CBS EVER GOING TO SHOW HELMETSHIFTER??? really starting to piss me off!

    Housewives is a guilty pleasure for me, I have to agree with Britney about OC being the best, I love Gretchen! I hate Danielle from New Jersey, but without her the show would be lacking some serious drama! I also love Bethany and she has her baby tonight!

    Oh and I think Brendon and Andrew are the life long friends! Brendon gets so protective of him and upset when Rachel wanted to put him up!

  15. One in the jury house, one home would be sweet, Alli. I like your way of thinking as concerns B/R. Matt's deception being "brilliant" doesn't work for me, skeezy, yes.

  16. Calling people bitches is soooo 2009. BORING

  17. MONET needs to stay in the house for sure. shes the only sista in the house period (barely) and shes a strong competitor. I wish rachels dumbass would of out up andrew, because matt is the shit too. That lie he came up with prolly will save his ass. either way, ill be sad because both monet and matt are my favs. i jus cant wait for the outcome of the HOH comp....someone needs to get Rachel and Brendon the FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE, speaking of housewives, is anyone on here team NENE????? lol

  18. "Calling people bitches is soooo 2009. BORING"

    If you're gonna be a hater, at least own it. I hate it when people leave shit-talking comments as "Anonymous". It's almost as annoying as Brenchel. Almost.

  19. Well Misty you would know annoying wouldn't you? I mean, being married to that annoying troll ronnie and alll.....

  20. effing brilliant blog again, dah. Love your thought on Kristin preggers oh my, boobsie's head and other parts would explode. I want Monot out tonight, i kind of have a crying scale, more tears go home first please. But then there is Miss Britney. That girl curls my socks. Those tears, those red beady eyes, those cruel words of revenage, hot hot hot. Wanted her out most of all but then she won me over and i am all hers. Don't know how she will do it with her g-friend gone after tonight but she has to stay on and cry for me some more. And please Rachel go home soon, PLEASE>>>>>>>>> OMG she is annoying. And her PMS partner Brendong needs to follow asap. Well heres to Brit as HOH and let the games begin. Please put the showmance to bed for good.

  21. Trolling blogs and message boards anonymously just to start trouble is soooo 2000. Now THAT'S boring.

  22. My husband and I found your blog last night and we just love it! Keep on bitchin'!

  23. The only thing I care about is them figuring a way to get Brenchel split up...however that happens I don't really care! It needs to happen fast. I do agree it would be funny to have her in the sequester house waiting week after week for her "man"! Frothing at the mouth everytime Thursday night rolled around..."will it be tonight?" Sorry Bitch...DENIED!

    As for the life long friends...I agree it's got to be Andrew & Brenden. It dawned on me how jacked up he got when they were talking about Andrew.

  24. well said misty and creme....

    i just read the HOH blog and looked at the pictures...yikes...i now have 2 questions...

    #1...HOW can rachel be a "chemist"?...that implies advanced schooling, like beyond junior high..her blog is written like a 6th grade yearbook msg.

    #2...WHO ever told her that fishy face pucker is cute, sexy or attractive?....or anything but odd (unless you are 2 and doing 'fishy, fishy, fishy' with your mom)

    double yikes!

    as always lala..another fantabulous blog... best wishes for whatever is happening in ur 'real life'

  25. I have to defend the brilliance of Matt's lie. 1) the only one who figured it out is Andrew and he only figured it out cuz Matt mispronounced it. These other idiots bought his story hook, line, and sinker.

    And 2) Why would you EVER decide who wins BB based on who has the saddest story. If you want to vote for whoever's the most needy, you deserve to be played with a lie like this.

    Now all that being said, I'm too superstitious to ever advocate doing something like that -- speak it into being in all that jazz. But I do see the brillance of taking advantage of the dumb. If it wins you $500K - haaaa-eeeey!

  26. Fun recap as always. I agree, don't play nice. That's not what BB is supposed to be
    about. Nor is it entertaining.

    Danielle! Danielle! Honey, that's a whole lot of crazy wrapped up in a botoxed
    package. I could see being for Jill, Nene, Gretchen...they make things go. Even Kim a bit (though her life is getting too weird), but Danielle; she scares me.

    She even scared Dina enough to have her leave the show. Danielle lives in Danielle's world where the Manzos exist to get her. Danielle should try living on planet earth. Oh, and for me...I like Caroline & the Countess, dahling.

    OMG, just read Rachel's HOH blog. She writes like a 5th grade Valley Girl and she keeps
    writing and writing and writing. It's just like she talks. I have to assume there are
    3 or 4 hehehes after each paragraph.

  27. I'm married to Ronnie? Really? When did that happen? I slept throught the whole thing.

    His wife is MISCHA Dawn, dumbass. Or Michelle. Not Misty.

    If you don't like the damn blog... don't fucking read it. It's really that fucking simple.

    That is all.

  28. Lala, are you writing for I picked up that they are using "Salvatore" and call Rachel "Boy George".
    If not, they are totally paying you homage(as well they should;-)

    Love You!!!!