Sunday, July 22, 2012
Whoever Smelt It
I don't know if it was Justin Timberlake or Buddha who said it first, but the lovely little proverb What goes around, comes around is as timeless as earth or stone or infinity. When you fart into a fan, it's going to blow right back into your face. When you wipe a booger on your sheets, eventually you'll roll on top of it. This is what I've been reduced to people... farts and boogers, boogers and farts. The General preached about Revolution and change. He was political, robust, and stout. This new curly fop funking up the HOH with his bodily emissions is a pouty little princess. I've got to make this one quick today so let's recap, shall we?
Willie has left the building and after a tumultuous night of gloating and pontificating, the Houseguests lazily wipe the sleep from their eyes and wallow in their own worthlessness. However! However, it's the day of the big POV competition so at least we have some official business to tend to. Our POV players are Frank, Shane, JoJo, Ian, Ashley and Wil. Mr. Fauxhawk "Imma makin' creamed butter dijon encrusted beef tongue with a shallot puree for supper" Joe will host. Joe is awful. Just awful. Loud and awful and desperate.
Up until now Joe has been Frank's little bitch boy, but not anymore. Remember how yesterday I said loyalty was dead? Well, it's still true today. It took merely hours, but Joe is quite done with Frank thank you very much. In a little tete a tete with Wil, Joe whispers that they need to get rid of Frank sooner rather than later. If they can recruit Ian and Jenn, they might be able to pull it off. Wil listens and nods. He thinks Shane will win POV and take himself off the block. He's banking on Danielle going up as a replacement. Joe replies that they'll just have to get rid of both Danielle and Dan. Wil agrees and suggests that they get rid of Frank the second they have the chance. Plus, they really need to stop telling Janelle everything that goes on.
The POV comes and goes and Wil must be a puka whisperer because Shane has won the POV. It sounds like there was a memory aspect to the game in which Ian did OK, but not as well as expected. JoJo apparently kicked Frank's ass and shocked everyone while Wil was an all around disappointment and didn't do very well at all.
Up in the HOH Shane is the hot topic of conversation. Janelle thinks he'll be a beast to get rid of while Boogie thinks she is giving him much more credit than he deserves. Boogie doesn't think he's as smart as everyone says he is - even though he beat Ian in a memory based competition. However, Boogie was most taken aback by Wil. I'm not sure why but everyone assumed he'd be amazing at competitions.
Janelle sighs to herself and says it was dumb not to backdoor Shane when they had the chance. Given their options though, she thinks they should just get rid of Danielle this week. Jenn and Wil then enter the room and Jenn tells them all that Shane is downstairs saying that he thinks Ashley threw the competition (Personally, I wouldn't doubt that Ashley, Ian and Wil threw it). Janelle immediately shouts, "No she didn't!"
Meanwhile, Wil is grumbling to himself saying how much it sucks that people like Ashley get to continue in the game. Wait a tic, I thought he and Ashley were best good friends?! There's that anti-loyalty thing again... gross. The whole room nods in agreement and compares Ashley to Jordan. More on this later...
Wil wants to know what they should do now. Jenn replies, "It's obvious." Boogie doesn't exactly agree. He's still 50/50 as to whether or not they should get rid of JoJo or Danielle. Then Joe comes storming into the room, "You can't keep Dan in the game!" Boogie replies that Dan is only dangerous if he actually enters the game. Ashley then enters and immediately begins moaning about how well JoJo did in the competition. It looks as if not only Boogie is torn, but the entire room is as well.
Janelle says that getting rid of JoJo now takes Britney down to one player just like Dan. Wil then announces that even though he hates JoJo, he likes the idea of taking two people (Danielle and Dan) out this week as opposed to one.
At this point Frank trundles in with his soggy curls and he is pissed! He collapses on his bed and starts to yell at everyone for talking game this soon. How dare they! How dare they strategize! How dare they try to be interesting! Everyone in the room sort of stares at one another awkwardly while Boogie disapprovingly peers out of the corner of his eye and it begins to dawn on him that this douchebag is going to be a problem.
Janelle quickly changes the subject and starts talking about how Shane is such a power house in competitions and hasn't lost one yet. She muses, yet again, "He'll be a beast to get rid of." Hearing this, Joe blurts, "No he won't! We'll get him out." Oh shut up Joe. In fact, that should be our new mantra. Whenever Joe says something, anything, we'll all sigh exasperatingly and say, "Oh shut up Joe."
Saturated clown Frank is listening to all of this and stewing. He pouts, "I wanted to backdoor Shane, but no one else wanted to so SHUT UP." *bites fist* Is someone having a bad day Curly Top? Are things not going your way Good Ship Lollipop? Oh me, oh my, I'm so sad that I could cry...
Again, Boogie gives Frank the side eye (side boob would have been funnier though).
Britney then enters the room and homegirl is drunk on margaritas (apparently they were served on the POV sidelines). The only thing more annoying than regular ole sober Britney is drunk Britney. I'm fascinating, naked, and confrontational when I'm drunk, but Britney is one of those "I love you all!" people who slurs her words and breaks a heel while peeing on herself in a back alley. She collapses into a chair and shouts, to no one in particular, "F U Willie! I really hate that guy!" Wil, sneering in a corner, grumbles that they should stop talking about Willie so he doesn't get anymore press. Sounds like someone is realizing they're not quite as fascinating as they thought...
Dan enters the room and all of the non-Coach people (plus Janelle) are shooed out so Boogie, Dan, and Britney can have a meeting. Dan is, for the most part, in good spirits about his fate and I will admit that I'm impressed by how he's dealing with the week he has ahead of him. If it were Britney she'd be berating someone and throwing a barrage of pity parties for herself... one right after the other. The three Coaches discuss how they definitely think that one or all of them will be entering the game. If it's all of them, they like this current alliance they have... sans Janelle. Their first order of future business will be getting out Joe. They think he's the great organizer of the anti-Coach movement (ironic, huh?) with Wil as second in command.
Boogie then advises Dan to lay low this week and not freak everyone out by playing too hard.
Meanwhile downstairs, Frank is giving unsolicited advice to JoJo... "Stop talking game! It's too early! We have all week! No game talk! Wahh, wahh, wahh." What a psycho. Wasn't he the one that didn't like Willie telling people what to do? I'll have you know Willie loved game talk. He was always preplanning, planning, and replanning. Willie, come baaaaack.
Frank then heads back up to the HOH room and he feels like he has some 'splainin' to do. According to Frank's fantasy land, he didn't exert all that much effort into trying to win the POV because they weren't trying to backdoor Shane. In other words, Frank simply wasn't motivated enough to win. Had his plan to backdoor Shane been in place, he would have tried much harder and won. And we're supposed to believe this? Look dude, you lost. You did a crap job in the competition and JoJo kicked your ass. Deal with it. Sure, we're all laughing at you right now, but don't you fret none over it.
And then Frank got a whiff of one of his own farts.
They start to discuss Joe again and Dan doesn't think he'll last very long at all. He's doing too much shit around the house and there is no way he'll make it to the end. Dan says that he can totally see Ashley getting to the end of the game. She's nonthreatening and everyone likes her. Plus, no one will ever want to waste an HOH on her. Boogie agrees while Frank sits in silence. It's clear these Coaches know how to play the game long term while Frank is a buffoon trying to make it week to week. I'm sure he's bothered by what they have to say about Joe (they're kind of in cahoots - on Frank's side at least) and I'd bet it never crossed his mind to be wary of Ashley. He's very singular in his vision - strong people. out. now.
Admittedly I slacked off for the rest of the day (I needed time to pout some more about Willie) and then we had the podcast last night so, I'll end this with some photos I managed to grab.
Who does this remind you of? I'll give you a hint: yellow dress.
After the Big Brother Gossip Show I took a peek into the feeds and this is what I saw...
So that's where I'll end this today. It's back to house hunting for me! Bleh. Keeps your fingers crossed that I find something today. Otherwise I'll be crashing on one of your couches and guzzling from your liquor cabinets while you sleep. On second thought, that doesn't sound half bad! Partayyy!
So, what do you guys think of the house without Willie? Why is Frank getting so mad at people for playing the game? Will CBS engineer a way for Dan to stay? Raise your hand if you have a well stocked liquor cabinet. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
Posted by Colette Lala at 11:32 AM