Sunday, July 22, 2012

Whoever Smelt It

I don't know if it was Justin Timberlake or Buddha who said it first, but the lovely little proverb What goes around, comes around is as timeless as earth or stone or infinity. When you fart into a fan, it's going to blow right back into your face. When you wipe a booger on your sheets, eventually you'll roll on top of it. This is what I've been reduced to people... farts and boogers, boogers and farts. The General preached about Revolution and change. He was political, robust, and stout. This new curly fop funking up the HOH with his bodily emissions is a pouty little princess. I've got to make this one quick today so let's recap, shall we?

Willie has left the building and after a tumultuous night of gloating and pontificating, the Houseguests lazily wipe the sleep from their eyes and wallow in their own worthlessness. However! However, it's the day of the big POV competition so at least we have some official business to tend to. Our POV players are Frank, Shane, JoJo, Ian, Ashley and Wil. Mr. Fauxhawk "Imma makin' creamed butter dijon encrusted beef tongue with a shallot puree for supper" Joe will host. Joe is awful. Just awful. Loud and awful and desperate.

Up until now Joe has been Frank's little bitch boy, but not anymore. Remember how yesterday I said loyalty was dead? Well, it's still true today. It took merely hours, but Joe is quite done with Frank thank you very much. In a little tete a tete with Wil, Joe whispers that they need to get rid of Frank sooner rather than later. If they can recruit Ian and Jenn, they might be able to pull it off. Wil listens and nods. He thinks Shane will win POV and take himself off the block. He's banking on Danielle going up as a replacement. Joe replies that they'll just have to get rid of both Danielle and Dan. Wil agrees and suggests that they get rid of Frank the second they have the chance. Plus, they really need to stop telling Janelle everything that goes on.

The POV comes and goes and Wil must be a puka whisperer because Shane has won the POV. It sounds like there was a memory aspect to the game in which Ian did OK, but not as well as expected. JoJo apparently kicked Frank's ass and shocked everyone while Wil was an all around disappointment and didn't do very well at all.

Up in the HOH Shane is the hot topic of conversation. Janelle thinks he'll be a beast to get rid of while Boogie thinks she is giving him much more credit than he deserves. Boogie doesn't think he's as smart as everyone says he is - even though he beat Ian in a memory based competition. However, Boogie was most taken aback by Wil. I'm not sure why but everyone assumed he'd be amazing at competitions.

(Laura Ingalls meets Jacqueline Laurita)

Janelle sighs to herself and says it was dumb not to backdoor Shane when they had the chance. Given their options though, she thinks they should just get rid of Danielle this week. Jenn and Wil then enter the room and Jenn tells them all that Shane is downstairs saying that he thinks Ashley threw the competition (Personally, I wouldn't doubt that Ashley, Ian and Wil threw it). Janelle immediately shouts, "No she didn't!"

Meanwhile, Wil is grumbling to himself saying how much it sucks that people like Ashley get to continue in the game. Wait a tic, I thought he and Ashley were best good friends?! There's that anti-loyalty thing again... gross. The whole room nods in agreement and compares Ashley to Jordan. More on this later...

Wil wants to know what they should do now. Jenn replies, "It's obvious." Boogie doesn't exactly agree. He's still 50/50 as to whether or not they should get rid of JoJo or Danielle. Then Joe comes storming into the room, "You can't keep Dan in the game!" Boogie replies that Dan is only dangerous if he actually enters the game. Ashley then enters and immediately begins moaning about how well JoJo did in the competition. It looks as if not only Boogie is torn, but the entire room is as well.

Janelle says that getting rid of JoJo now takes Britney down to one player just like Dan. Wil then announces that even though he hates JoJo, he likes the idea of taking two people (Danielle and Dan) out this week as opposed to one.

At this point Frank trundles in with his soggy curls and he is pissed! He collapses on his bed and starts to yell at everyone for talking game this soon. How dare they! How dare they strategize! How dare they try to be interesting! Everyone in the room sort of stares at one another awkwardly while Boogie disapprovingly peers out of the corner of his eye and it begins to dawn on him that this douchebag is going to be a problem.

Janelle quickly changes the subject and starts talking about how Shane is such a power house in competitions and hasn't lost one yet. She muses, yet again, "He'll be a beast to get rid of." Hearing this, Joe blurts, "No he won't! We'll get him out." Oh shut up Joe. In fact, that should be our new mantra. Whenever Joe says something, anything, we'll all sigh exasperatingly and say, "Oh shut up Joe."

Saturated clown Frank is listening to all of this and stewing. He pouts, "I wanted to backdoor Shane, but no one else wanted to so SHUT UP." *bites fist* Is someone having a bad day Curly Top? Are things not going your way Good Ship Lollipop? Oh me, oh my, I'm so sad that I could cry...

Again, Boogie gives Frank the side eye (side boob would have been funnier though). 

Britney then enters the room and homegirl is drunk on margaritas (apparently they were served on the POV sidelines). The only thing more annoying than regular ole sober Britney is drunk Britney. I'm fascinating, naked, and confrontational when I'm drunk, but Britney is one of those "I love you all!" people who slurs her words and breaks a heel while peeing on herself in a back alley. She collapses into a chair and shouts, to no one in particular, "F U Willie! I really hate that guy!" Wil, sneering in a corner, grumbles that they should stop talking about Willie so he doesn't get anymore press. Sounds like someone is realizing they're not quite as fascinating as they thought...

Dan enters the room and all of the non-Coach people (plus Janelle) are shooed out so Boogie, Dan, and Britney can have a meeting. Dan is, for the most part, in good spirits about his fate and I will admit that I'm impressed by how he's dealing with the week he has ahead of him. If it were Britney she'd be berating someone and throwing a barrage of pity parties for herself... one right after the other. The three Coaches discuss how they definitely think that one or all of them will be entering the game. If it's all of them, they like this current alliance they have... sans Janelle. Their first order of future business will be getting out Joe. They think he's the great organizer of the anti-Coach movement (ironic, huh?) with Wil as second in command.

Boogie then advises Dan to lay low this week and not freak everyone out by playing too hard.

Meanwhile downstairs, Frank is giving unsolicited advice to JoJo... "Stop talking game! It's too early! We have all week! No game talk! Wahh, wahh, wahh." What a psycho. Wasn't he the one that didn't like Willie telling people what to do? I'll have you know Willie loved game talk. He was always preplanning, planning, and replanning. Willie, come baaaaack.

Frank then heads back up to the HOH room and he feels like he has some 'splainin' to do. According to Frank's fantasy land, he didn't exert all that much effort into trying to win the POV because they weren't trying to backdoor Shane. In other words, Frank simply wasn't motivated enough to win. Had his plan to backdoor Shane been in place, he would have tried much harder and won. And we're supposed to believe this? Look dude, you lost. You did a crap job in the competition and JoJo kicked your ass. Deal with it. Sure, we're all laughing at you right now, but don't you fret none over it.

And then Frank got a whiff of one of his own farts.

They start to discuss Joe again and Dan doesn't think he'll last very long at all. He's doing too much shit around the house and there is no way he'll make it to the end. Dan says that he can totally see Ashley getting to the end of the game. She's nonthreatening and everyone likes her. Plus, no one will ever want to waste an HOH on her. Boogie agrees while Frank sits in silence. It's clear these Coaches know how to play the game long term while Frank is a buffoon trying to make it week to week. I'm sure he's bothered by what they have to say about Joe (they're kind of in cahoots - on Frank's side at least) and I'd bet it never crossed his mind to be wary of Ashley. He's very singular in his vision - strong people. out. now.

Admittedly I slacked off for the rest of the day (I needed time to pout some more about Willie) and then we had the podcast last night so, I'll end this with some photos I managed to grab.

Who does this remind you of? I'll give you a hint: yellow dress.

After the Big Brother Gossip Show I took a peek into the feeds and this is what I saw...


So that's where I'll end this today. It's back to house hunting for me! Bleh. Keeps your fingers crossed that I find something today. Otherwise I'll be crashing on one of your couches and guzzling from your liquor cabinets while you sleep. On second thought, that doesn't sound half bad! Partayyy!

So, what do you guys think of the house without Willie? Why is Frank getting so mad at people for playing the game? Will CBS engineer a way for Dan to stay? Raise your hand if you have a well stocked liquor cabinet. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

Watch Big Brother 14 on SuperPass!


  1. I'm so happy they are all turning against each other so fast. I was expecting a week of boredom. I hope willie is watching now and laughing his ass off.

  2. So would will be laughing if another male house guest dressed up and acted like a flamboyant gay Guy?! Oh the hypocrisy.

  3. Please don't trifle with me - dangling the bright mother land that is one free of pigs like Joe. He is so obnoxious, red faced and that nervous laugh that you just know can stop on a dime and turn meaner than mean. He's probably got high blood pressure and a trip wire temper which is why he's so flushed all the time. He's also disgusting in never washing his hands after taking a leak. His cooking can't be good enough to overcome that fault; who wants a sprinkle of tinkle on their creamed spinach.

    He's such a pussy running around spreading rumors and ratting people out. He pushed Willie to the breaking point - did Joe really put up his dukes? - and pushed every button Willie had. I hate Joe for causing the explosion that got Willie expelled. Willie has enough of his own fault to carry around but why wouldn't they let him in the Diary Room when he was trying to get away to cool down before he blew? Dickhead Joe is deciding whether to sue CBS or not. I think BB has some blood on their hands not letting Willie in DR and subjecting the rest of the HG's exposed to his wrath. They sure as hell let Rachel in numerous times last yr on BB13. Someone fucked up in production.

    Nice write up. I watch the feeds but I like to see other takes on what goes on.

    1. I think it was Frank that pushed Willie initially. He's a whiny bitch and needs to go. I can't look at those cankles and clown hair any longer!

  4. I hope you find something soon. I love your blog more than the show. I find the remaining house guest to be unlikeable and I have a hard time listening to them. I am starting to like Shane and JoJo a little, very little.

    1. I'm with you on Shane and JoJo. They're definitely growing on me, but I think it's more that they're anti-Frank than anything else.

  5. Oh me...Oh my....that will be in my head all day now. HA! The one thing I liked that you did not mention was when Brit said ''I watched season 2, loved it. I watched season 7, loved it. I didn't come here to watch Boogie nap.''

    I have been thinking the same thing. Boogie is not someone i want to know in real life but i do like watching him play the game.

    I almost came off my bed last night watching the flashbacks and seeing Frank yell at everyone to stop talking game. WHAT???? Wow.

    Great blog as usual. My personal favorite. Good luck today!

  6. I think boogie has figured out he needs to get rid of frank if he is going to be able to join the game.

  7. I think hell has froze over with Gin. I agree with you! Whoda thunk it(my Willie impersonation)

  8. First off, I don't own a liquor cabinet but if you keep pumping out posts like this I'll invest in one if you decide you want to move to BFE Arkansas.

    Secondly, I cannot begin to express my pleasure at finding someone else who is as sick of Joe and Frank as I am. Frank is a pig. And Joe is a vile cretin that someone needs to squash like a roach. I am sick of his screaming DR sessions. The man can't say anything in a normal tone of voice. He's a melodramatic overactor.

  9. Just saw tonight's show and I was honestly surprised that CBS showed the almost fight between Willie and Joe. I only wish Joe had a fat black eye to show for it. At this point, the only one who is growing on me is strange little Ian. Everyone else is B.O.R.I.N.G. Go Ian, Go Ian, Go Go, Go Ian!

  10. I also love your blog more than the show. The Frank in feeds in different than the Frank on the CBS show. I'm coming around to your way of thinking.

    Britney and I are similar drunks. I'm a happy, love everyone, tells loud stories, sing, act a fool drunk. maybe we shouldn't drink together.

    I wish someone could make Jo Jo lose it for a five minutes fo Big Brother could kick her off.

  11. Another fantastic recap of what is shaping up to be the most boring season of a once-great show since...well, last season. Does anyone else remember that the first person ever voted out of the BB house was Will Mega, the most interesting person in the entire house at the time? Granted, back then, it was ostensibly the viewing public doing the evictions, but it set the stage for what has been the most irritating aspect of BB for me: the elimination of strong-minded and even stronger-willed characters in favor of dimbulbs, nitwits, himbos, and lickspittles. Willie was such a strong character, everyone else paled in comparison to him. Now that he's gone too soon, there is just nobody else worth rooting for. The only names I remember are Frank (pig), Joe (Foghorn Leghorn), JoJo (Real Housewife wannabe), Ian (Egad), and um...let's see...
    It's a bad sign when even Janelle is boring. How soon before Grodner pulls a Pandora's Box to spice things up? Maybe there's another Hantz brother waiting on the sidelines? One can only hope!

  12. tonights show was the worst edit in big brother history. They left out everything that boogie/frank/joe/janelle did and said before the fight. It was disgusting and Allison Grodner should be ashamed.

    1. What did they do? I didn't see it!

  13. I find it funny that most of the drama this past week was due to the assumption (great job Britney) that the coaches will enter the game at some point as regular players. Just what everyone needed, one more thing to feed the paranoia. One scenario no one seems to have thought of is that only a coach who has lost all their players and has been eliminated (looking at you Dan) will have the chance to enter as a regular player.


  14. Jeff, totally agree with your theory. My bet is Dan joins the game on Thursday when Danielle is evicited.