Valley Of The Dolls

The only hit that comes out of a Jessie Kowalski show is Jessie Kowalski, and that's ME, baby, remember? Nope. Never gonna happen. Try to plant your own tree, Jessie, but it sure as hell won't grow. Here in the Valley Of The Dolls, trudging through the Adderall and Xanax, one plain faced girl is desperate to make a name for herself. Love, success and friendship swirl and twirl all around taunting and teasing. So close yet so far. Sparkle Jessie, sparkle. Or just sit in a corner and pout. Back in your hometown you may have been above mediocre, but here in the big city, kid, you're a dime a dozen. Let's recap, shall we?

Since yesterday was a holiday and I spent most of the day poolside, this will be a short one today. We'll begin up in the HOH room with Asshat (Jeremy) telling Eyebrows (Kaitlin) and Aryan that Elvira (Elissa) must be jealous of how cute they are. The ladies giggle and coo until the camera swings around to that walnut Jessie... "I totally believe it. I came in here thinking all the girls would be jealous of me, but I met you guys and you made it so much easier for me." Como what? No one was talking to you, Nutter Butter! No one ever talks to you. The boys don't like you and the girls can't stand you. Give it up!

The talk then turns to whom Aryan should nominate this week. Going through the choices, Aryan makes an observation about Candice, "These girls are interchangeable... Candice, Monet, Libra. They all have the same personality." *pauses to pick jaw up off the floor* So, in Aryan's mind, all black girls are the same. Swap one out for the other and no one will ever notice the difference. Wow. You can call Aryan many things. "Inconsistent" is not one of them.

Time passes and the HG's spend some time by the pool bitching about how hot it is and then they go inside and bitch some more about how hot it is. Bitch, bitch, bitch - no one is ever satisfied.

Back up in the HOH room, Jessie enters desperate to be a part of something, anything, and says she caught Candice and Howard talking to one another. Howard told Jessie that Candice and Elvira were trying to recruit him so now Jessie is doing is her duty and relaying the information to her best good friends. Jeremy listens to all of this and is pissed off knowing that Candice, Elvira and Helen are working together. He decides that Candice isn't really all that much of a threat so it might be best to put Helen and Elvira on the block this week.

The conversation then swings around to Elvira - as it always does. (Side note: I NEVER see her ANYWHERE. I don't know if she's playing hide and seek with Nick or what, but she is rarely on the feeds so it is really weird how everyone is so obsessed with her.) Anyhow, Jeremy hates the fact that they all had to go through shit to get on the show but Elvira had her spot handed to her. And it infuriates him that she could keep winning MVP every week. Look, Jeremy is a douche nozzle, but he has a point. If I was in that house, I'd be pretty bitter over Elvira's advantage as well. It's not fair. And if Billy Jean taught me anything, it is that, "Fair is fair!" The HOH group also dreads the idea of having to be stuck in the Jury house with Elvira. If Jeremy has anything to say about it, Elvira will be going home this week.

Aryan then starts to bitch about how Elvira thinks she won the HOH competition because she's on Adderall. Then she whips out a plastic baggie at 5pm PST and pops another one. Personally, I thought it was weird to take an Adderall at 5pm, but Aryan claims she needs it or else she'll go crazy. Too late. Amanda, too, takes Adderall and sometimes Xanax to sleep which apparently pisses off Jessie. Jessie thinks it's unfair that Amanda can get a pharmaceutically induced night's sleep. Jessie thinks everything is unfair. She thinks it's unfair that girls are jealous of her - we're not. She thinks it's unfair that all the boys love her - they don't. And she thinks it's unfair that others get to pop pills and she can't.

The feeds then go down for a 4th of July party. When they come back up again, we find Amanda furious with Jessie. SO furious in fact that Amanda is crying to Aryan about her. Amanda isn't typically a crier and she usually doesn't let a flea like Jessie get to her so something pretty big must have happened to warrant this type of reaction. As it turns out, Jessie was flirting with McRae. *bites fist* Oh no she di-in't! She couldn't get Nick, Jeremy, Howard or J-U-DD to pay attention to her so now Jessie has turned her sights on McRae. Prostitution whore! She even told McRae that when Amanda leaves the house they can be in an alliance together and share the same bed. Who does this bitch she think she is?

One good thing did come out of Jessie's attempted philandering - a nice big target on her back. Amanda certainly can't stand her and, now, neither can Aryan and Eyebrows. The girls bitch that Jessie is the desperate unpopular girl trying to get in with the popular clique. Truer words have never been spoken.

So there we are. Jessie is a loser and Elvira is the target. Nominations are today so look for Helen and Elvira to go up on the block. We also might hear who won MVP. While I'll be upset if Elvira wins again, her nomination could be anyone from Jeremy to Eyebrows to Jessie which could be pretty funny. As wretched as those people are, I would rather a boring person went home this week. You know me, I need my entertainment and that usually comes in the form of a hot mess. If Helen or Elvira walk out the door, I'll be just fine.

So, who do you want to go home this week? Who do you think will win MVP? Who do you think the MVP will nominate? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!