Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Once Upon A Time...


In the wee wee hours of the morn, the local house shit stirrer, full of questions and shenanigans, made her way outside to engage in even more mischief making. Her robes cascading over the grass, scepter in hand, the scene begins...



Audrey: "Merry Meg, I think I'm going to go outside and give Jace a piece of my mind."
Meg: "Oh nooo, Queen Audrey, he's going home anyways. Why, why stir the cauldron?"
Audrey: "My bum has been on the burner!"
Meg: "But things will get icky!"
Audrey: "I'm going to do it and you cannot stop me. Come with me, Merry Meg!"
Meg: "Do I have to?"
Audrey: "YES! Sit with me and nod stupidly at everything I say."

The two then head out to the backyard...


Jace: "What's up bro?"
Audrey: "I just want to shit stir some more, do you mind?"
Jace: "Not at all. Bring it!"



Audrey: "I'm tired of taking the heat for everything. The whole house plotted your demise."
Jace: "Nu uh, bro. I think YOU'RE the reason and I'm gonna make everyone know about it."
Audrey: "Everyone knew about Five Alive!"
Jace: "You won't get away with this, Evil Queen!"
Audrey: "Everyone knew you were trying to backdoor Jason!"
Jace: "I was never trying to backdoor Jason. I don't swing that way."
Audrey: "You make everyone feel uncomfortable! That's why you're going home."
Jace: "Quit lying, bro! Quit trying to make me look like the bad guy."
Audrey: "You lack self awareness! We've all wanted you out for 85 days now."


Meanwhile, Jason thinks to himself, "Bitch, keep digging that grave. Dig, dig, dig!"


Jace: "I'm just curious, have I made you bros feel uncomfortable."
Day: "Chiiiiile, uh uh. You two talk. I'm just here gathering intel, boo."



Audrey: "You lack self awareness!"
Jace: "You're a master manipulator!"
Audrey: "Thank you. I mean, no I'm not! I haven't done a thing!"
Jace: "You're a liar liar pants on fire, bro."
Audrey: "You sound crazy!"
Jace: "No, you sound crazy!"
Audrey: "You need to get your head checked!"
Jace: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Audrey: "Huh?"
Jace: "Exactly! You can't save yourself now. You're the next one going home!"
Audrey: "Who's against me? I shall punish them to death with questions and hand gestures."
Jace: "Everyone is, dude!"
Audrey: "Now you're a liar lar pants on fire! I feel bad for you."
Jace: "Get outta here, stupid face. No one wants to talk to you."
Audrey: "You're not the boss of me!"

And everyone in the kingdom lived happily ever after.

The End.

Dudes, don't be left out. Witness the magic for yourselves.






10 comments:

  1. You Rock! (Mental note.. turn in rented morning coffee before reading blogs)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is the first time I've read your blog and that was priceless!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Need your opinion on what led up to this......it gets even better with Jeff running around the house telling everyone everything, essentially you would think ruining his game......yet somehow he doesn't. I think he was just trying to blow up Audrey and it worked.

    P.S. James needs to take some professional lying lessons. He looks like a deer in the headlights everytime he gets caught.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I didn't see it. Hence the succinctness of today's blog.

      Delete
    2. Jace was in Jeff's ear for some reason trying to get him to vote out Jackie. He was making some good points but no one thought Jeff would take anything seriously. Well, I don't think he got his vote but he definitely spread some info that started this chain of events. This led to Jeff talking to Clay and letting him in on a secret the alliance had been keeping from him because he seemed so far up Audrey's butt. This made Clay start to question why he was aligned with such a ticking time bomb. And then Jeff starts in with Jackie, Audrey goes and WAKES UP James from a nice little sleep to start this whole "I'm gonna tell Jace that everyone wants him out from day 1".
      Why? Who knows. She just keeps digging deeper and deeper. But basically everyone kept running around and things just got worse and worse for Audrey. She is definitely the target next week by just about anyone that could win. Steve was in the storage room hunting rats or something. No one knew where the kid was, nor was he involved in anything. I have a feeling he is very, very, very outside the loop. Which may be a good place to be for a couple weeks.

      Jace helped himself, just a little but probably not enough. Audrey is toast next week.

      Delete
  4. To bad the Jester's going home. He's annoying as hell but at least he's got some balls. I hope this isn't another season of House Votes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, too bad. Jace is annoying but he would be much more fun to watch than Jackie. His bible thing is annoying as heck. So fake and a very stupid strategy. Day called him out on it bad last night.

      Delete
  5. I love Audrey. MORE DRAMA PLEASE!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was fantastic, Dudette!

    ReplyDelete