Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Once Upon A Time...
In the wee wee hours of the morn, the local house shit stirrer, full of questions and shenanigans, made her way outside to engage in even more mischief making. Her robes cascading over the grass, scepter in hand, the scene begins...
Audrey: "Merry Meg, I think I'm going to go outside and give Jace a piece of my mind."
Meg: "Oh nooo, Queen Audrey, he's going home anyways. Why, why stir the cauldron?"
Audrey: "My bum has been on the burner!"
Meg: "But things will get icky!"
Audrey: "I'm going to do it and you cannot stop me. Come with me, Merry Meg!"
Meg: "Do I have to?"
Audrey: "YES! Sit with me and nod stupidly at everything I say."
The two then head out to the backyard...
Jace: "What's up bro?"
Audrey: "I just want to shit stir some more, do you mind?"
Jace: "Not at all. Bring it!"
Audrey: "I'm tired of taking the heat for everything. The whole house plotted your demise."
Jace: "Nu uh, bro. I think YOU'RE the reason and I'm gonna make everyone know about it."
Audrey: "Everyone knew about Five Alive!"
Jace: "You won't get away with this, Evil Queen!"
Audrey: "Everyone knew you were trying to backdoor Jason!"
Jace: "I was never trying to backdoor Jason. I don't swing that way."
Audrey: "You make everyone feel uncomfortable! That's why you're going home."
Jace: "Quit lying, bro! Quit trying to make me look like the bad guy."
Audrey: "You lack self awareness! We've all wanted you out for 85 days now."
Meanwhile, Jason thinks to himself, "Bitch, keep digging that grave. Dig, dig, dig!"
Jace: "I'm just curious, have I made you bros feel uncomfortable."
Day: "Chiiiiile, uh uh. You two talk. I'm just here gathering intel, boo."
Audrey: "You lack self awareness!"
Jace: "You're a master manipulator!"
Audrey: "Thank you. I mean, no I'm not! I haven't done a thing!"
Jace: "You're a liar liar pants on fire, bro."
Audrey: "You sound crazy!"
Jace: "No, you sound crazy!"
Audrey: "You need to get your head checked!"
Jace: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Jace: "Exactly! You can't save yourself now. You're the next one going home!"
Audrey: "Who's against me? I shall punish them to death with questions and hand gestures."
Jace: "Everyone is, dude!"
Audrey: "Now you're a liar lar pants on fire! I feel bad for you."
Jace: "Get outta here, stupid face. No one wants to talk to you."
Audrey: "You're not the boss of me!"
And everyone in the kingdom lived happily ever after.
Dudes, don't be left out. Witness the magic for yourselves.