Come Play With Us

Tia and Tamara, Mary Kate and Ashley, Matthew and Gunnar... since the beginning of time, twins have delighted and fascinated. Sometimes they speak secret languages. Other times they meet at sleep away camp and switch places. But whatever hijinks a set of identical twins find themselves embroiled in, it is guaranteed to be a laugh a minute romp. The same is true, here, in the Big Brother House. Production secretly plopped in the most fraternal looking of identical twins and the house has rebelled. It has become a united burping farting life force - like that house in Poltergeist - and it wants those twins out. OUT! Hold on to your shared placentas, bitches, it's time for a recap!

Before we get to all the overnight shenanigans, let's take care of some light housekeeping. Our HOH Shelli had nominated Johnny Mac and Day for eviction. Johnny Mac won the POV and removed himself from the block. Shelli has (thank god!) put Merry Meg up in his place. I am not a fan of thee faire Merry Meg. Her incessant smiles and constant need to be in a supine position are signs of weakness in my eyes. She has yet to do anything interesting in the house and, therefore, I think her time would be better spent at the bottom of a lake with large cement blocks tied around her ankles.

Day on the block has sent cries of injustice throughout the BB fan base. It's like April in Baltimore out there in the #BB17 hashtag. Fans wondered if perhaps the Kathy Griffin Last Laugh Twist could save her. Day herself turned the camera on numerous occasions begging for a Coup D'etat or for Haymitch to send her some ointment for her burns. Look, I want Day to stay too. I find her to be incredibly entertaining, but I don't want there to be any cheating! I hate it when Big Brother interferes. It is an insult to fans. Hello Clown Shoe?! What I do want is for Day to get off her ass and start playing the game. I want her to campaign for votes and make deals. She is most certainly not in an impossible position. With a little hard work and smooth talking anyone can find a way to save themselves, but it requires effort. Effort that Day doesn't seem all that willing to give.

This brings us to yesterday when the feeds when down for a spell in the middle of the afternoon. Was this it? Was this the Last Laugh? Yes, indeedy it was. We don't really know how it worked or exactly what went down, but we do know that Day got the 7th call which means that she gets to nix 3 votes. Day's victory made Clay think that the game is rigged. And, let's face it, it is a tad convenient that Day won, what sounded like to me, a game of chance. But you know me, I think everything is a conspiracy with Production's sticky syrup-y fingers all over it. Conspiracy Corner!

Nonetheless! Day won the Twist. Some fans think it'll save her. Others think it won't make a lick of difference because she still doesn't have the votes to stay. My opinion is somewhere in the middle I guess. The Twist victory certainly helps, but Day still needs 5 votes. I think they're perfectly feasible to get, but not unless she gets off her ass and starts campaigning.

And this brings us to yesterday afternoon when, all of a sudden, Day mentions that she thinks Liz is two people. Liz and Julia definitely switched places yesterday and Day has taken notice. She says that one of the twins is thicker than the other. One has a skinny face and the other one has a fat pie face. Day takes her theory to Jason who wholeheartedly agrees with her. Jason says that one of the Liz's talks to him and the other one doesn't. Plus, he's noticed that one doesn't fit into her jeans quite as well as the other one does. The two decide to question Liz on earlier conversations that have taken place in order to trip her up.

If we fast forward a bit into the night, Jason has now become obsessed with this twin thing. He is absolutely convinced that there is a Skinny Liz and Chunky Liz. Day had originally wanted to keep her discovery on the down low in case she could use it , but young Jason is the chatty type and the lad needs to gossip. He heads into the Have-Not and awakens Merry Meg from her 85th nap of the day. He tells her awl about Skinny Liz and Chunky Liz and how Chunky Liz is much nicer than Skinny Liz. Merry Meg widens her eyes at this information. Day then enters and confirms that two Liz's are running amok. Even their eye color is different. They tell Merry Meg to study Liz closely. Ok hold up! Of all the people to tell about Liz, why would you tell the other bitch on the block? I haven't the foggiest how this twin revelation can help Day stay in the game, but I feel like it was a little reckless to tell Merry Meg. If your ass is on the line, you should use any advantage you have to get votes to stay. Am I crazy?

Fast forwarding even more into the wee hours of the morn, the Twin Twist is still in the forefront of Day and Jason's mind. Especially Jason's. He just can't wait to squeal and spill the tea. Sitting in the backyard we have Jason, Day, Jeff, Merry Meg, James and Jackie. Jason begins by clapping his hands and jumping up and down. He starts, "Day came to me and said this bitch..." And then the feeds go down and go to Jerf. WHAT ARE YOU DOING PRODUCTION?! GODDAMN YOU!!!

Almost a full two minutes later, the feeds return. Jason is still kicking and screaming all over the place, "They-ah's two of 'em! They-ah's two of 'em!" James suddenly recalls a conversation he once had with Liz where she said she had a sister who looked like her. Jason chimes in, "I bet she does!" Doofus Jeff interrupts and asks, "Wait, are we just being conspiracy theorists?" Merry Meg replies, "No! We might be crazy, but we're not that crazy." She then tells a story about how one Liz didn't remember the details of a story once told to the other Liz. Day confirms they've tripped up Mystery Liz a bunch of times over inconsistencies in what she can recall. Listening to everyone compare stories, Jeff finally starts to believe them. Jason once again leaps up off the couch, "It's a fact! Look at awl the cam-rah's watchin' us!" Then Doofus Jeff asks, "Do you have a Sharpie? We can put a special mark on her." Everyone promptly laughs at the Doofus.

Day then takes it upon herself to describe in detail how the two Liz's are different. One has a more chunky face. The other has a more pointed nose. The Skinny One's eyes are... Jason then interrupts, "The Skinny One is he-ah tah-day. The fat one was he-ah yestah-day. They switched tah-day when they cawled her to the Diary Room. I am positive!" Day continues to try to explain the nuances of the Skinny vs. Chunky Liz differences, but Jason keeps interrupting her. He again jumps up and says that in Big Brother 5 if they made it 5 weeks, both twins get to come in and play the game. Listening to all of this James comes to a realization himself, "So that's why she's always sending me mixed signals." Dude, shut your hole! Neither Liz wants you! Neither Liz will ever want you.

They group continues to dissect Liz's memory skills. They tell Jeff how she couldn't remember who she played the night before on the podcast (the house does a fake podcast at night). They tried quizzing her and she couldn't remember until Jackie jumped in and gave her the answer. Apparently, in the last podcast Liz played a drunken Ellen. In tonight's podcast, Liz didn't participate at all. Jason says, "The fat one is funny. The skinny one is here to be in S.I. (Sports Illustrated)" Doofus Jeff says, "The fat one wants to get down." Jason immediately smacks him with a pillow, "We need to get these bitches out! This is the twist! No one wants to screw you!"

Merry Meg then chimes in that they should change the names from Fat Liz and Skinny Liz because those names are rude. Jason suggests Thighs Liz and No Thighs Liz.

The backyard conversation continues for another half hour, but let's leap ahead to where Doofus Jeff is in the HOH filling in Shelli and Clay on the Twin Twist. He tells them everything Day and Jason were saying out in the backyard about the differences between the two Liz's. Shelli says that every time the girls have a nail party, Liz always paints her nails the exact same color while the others switch up their colors. Shelli's voice begins to rise with her excitement, "This is so cool!" Shelli asks Jeff when he first began to notice all of this. Jeff says today because she wasn't as flirty as she usually use. Dude, you are a doofus! NO ONE IS FLIRTING WITH YOU. And let's not forget that Jeff thought this was all a conspiracy theory less than an hour ago. He's such a creeper.

So now that almost the entire house knows, they all meet at the Memory Wall to do some final investigating. It is unmistakable. There are TWO Liz's! The group giggles, high fives, jumps and whoops. Jason announces, "I'd bet my stipend on it!" It's a fun scene where the group is thinking up all sorts of funny ways to tell the Liz's apart. They could mark her, they could cut her hair, they could hide her shit, etc. If you haven't gotten your Live Feeds yet, today is the day to do it. The house is bubbling with excitement over how they'll trip up Liz. Each HG is taking weird ownership over the discovery and is determined to prove the multiple Liz's once and for all. It's going to be awesome!

Don't miss a Liz minute!



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Escar-go-to-hell

What do you get when you put a girl who lost her face to an oncoming train in power with a girl who doesn't know how to piece two words together? A whole lot of nothing! That's what you get. Houseguests, you've got to give me something to work with. That's my one rule. Entertain me and I will write about you. Bore me and the glitter queen gets a day off filled with frolicking, cavorting and, quite possibly, day drinking. Let's try to recap, shall we?

Alright, so Shelli ("Wait, is that my name? Can you ask me another question instead? I'm drawing a blank") and Becky ("Whoopsie daisy, my nose fell off again.") are our two HOH's. Shelli wants to target Day while Becky would prefer to go after Audrey. Not only are their targets different, but their plans are different as well. Shelli has decided to straight up nominate Johnny Mac and Day. She's hoping that Johnny Mac will throw the BOB which leaves Day on the block and susceptible to eviction. Becky, on the other hand, has decided to nominate Steve and Jason in the hopes of backdooring Audrey and sending her and the roots of her shady tree on out the door. More on that later.

Since Becky has decided to nominate Steve a-gain, she has some 'splaining to do. Firstly though, I need to tell you about The Elephant. Becky has mysteriously decided to refer to Audrey as "The Elephant." Out of all of the animals in the animal kingdom, why an elephant? An elephant is a symbol of loyalty, strength and patience. Did you know that baby elephants stay with their mothers for at least 16 years? They're slow moving, majestic and not necessarily Chatty Cathy Lizzie Borden's like our Evil Queen Audrey. I would think a parrot or maybe an owl would be a wiser choice, don't you? Both are incessant and have a tendency to ask the same questions over and over again just like our Audrey.

Anyhow, poor defenseless Steve is back on the block and he is as flummoxed about it as we are. Becky explains that he was seen in the same room as Audrey and that is as good as guilty as far as this house goes. Steve replies, "I was just, you know, being human and standing in a room. That's all." Becky insists that it wasn't her idea that Steve and Audrey are in some super secret standing in the same room alliance. She says it came from other people. Other people she will not name. But trust, they are out there. All around us. OTHER PEOPLE. Oh stick a sock in it, Becky. Nominate whoever the hell you want, but don't coat it in foam latex and face putty.

As for Shelli, if Day manages to get off the block, then she'd like to target Jason instead. Day and Jason together are bad new bears and need to be split up as soon as possible. Having said that, Shelli is also totally down with getting rid of Audrey. We all know Audrey to be annoying and deceitful, but did you know that she is balls out malicious as well? If you'll recall on 'Tally Me Banana', there was a rumor of an all girl's alliance going around the house. In order to show allegiance to one another (and their dark lord), the girls would dress all in black. Well, Audrey Of The Devil People decided to take that word "black" and turn it into a racist thing. This bitch went around the house suggesting that Becky had formed a pseudo Ku Klux Klan who dresses all in black in order to hide their Confederate Flag underwear.

This is so fucked up - to turn something completely innocuous and innocent (and not to mention untrue) into something most reviled and, moreover, to pin it on someone who has done nothing wrong.

You and I and everyone else knows that the worst thing you can be called on a TV show is "racist." People lose their jobs over such accusations - whether they're true or not. They're cast out of the community, deal with death threats, and pretty much have their lives ruined. But here comes Audrey taking something not even remotely racist and twisting it into an ugly and untrue accusation all in an effort to shift the heat from herself to an innocent person. What surprises me most about this is that it stems from a person who has probably dealt with her fair share of gross and unfounded lies about herself throughout a good part of her life. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for lying in Big Brother. I even support manipulation and deceit within the confines of the game. What I don't appreciate is the blatant malice behind the deed. To purposely malign Becky's character in such a way when you know, and believe me, you know, Audrey, that Becky did NOT form a racist girl's alliance.

And even the way Audrey suggested it was just so slimy. It was a few nights ago when Jace was looking for some help and votes. Audrey slithered her hands up to her neck as she is often wont to do and says, "Well, there is this thing I know about Becky, but..." And then her voice trailed off waiting for whomever she was talking with to ask, "What? What about Becky?" Blech! Ick! Flergle! It was so smarmy. On second thought, a good animal to compare Audrey to would be the simple snail. She leaves behind a trail of goo and hideousness wherever she goes. And when she's threatened or senses that all of her lies and manipulations are about to bounce back in her direction, she cowers in her bed/shell until the predators forget she's around. But she'll return. She'll return to leave her gelatinous pathways in her wake.

So as of right now, Becky is on the warpath to get rid of Audrey while Shelli is off canoodling in a bed somewhere with Clay trying to form sentences. Day and Jason are furious that they are up for nomination and can't believe that Audrey is getting another pass - especially after proving how heinous she is. It looks like, for the most part, Becky is keeping her plan to target Audrey under wraps. She has told Steve and Jason to kick ass and win the BOB. It's a little bit confusing because Shelli is also quite vocal about how sketchy Audrey was spreading that rumor about Becky yet she's still going full throttle on trying to get Day out of the house. The way I see it, both girls want things to go their way and there is a definite divide between them. Shelli and her band of merry idiots are gunning for Day while Becky and whoever else is left is on Mission Audrey.

Personally, I'm not ready to lose either lady yet. I despise Audrey with every fiber of my being but she's a troublemaker and I could do with a few more weeks of that. As far as Day, we definitely can't lose her this soon. I can see her crushing the BOB today, can't you? You know what else I can see? That Kathy Griffin telephone ringing for the 7th time just as Audrey is walking by it. Clown shoe, anyone?

BOB is going to be HUGE today. You definitely don't want to miss the aftermath! At just $5.99, you have zero excuses not to sign up. I predict a glorious weekend of insanity. And, don't forget, if you have any Amazon shopping needs for whatever products strike your fancy, please click to get there through my links on the right. Thanks bitches!

Tally Me Banana

Day-o, Dayyyyyy-o. Daylight come and me want to go home. Day, me say Day, me say Day, me say Day, me say Day, me say Day-o. Daylight come and me want to go home. You can't tally Audrey's banana anymore, but you sure can make her want to go home, Day. Let's recap, shall we?

If you'll remember, yesterday the Evil Queen Audrey got into it with Jace the Jester as members of the court (specifically Merry Meg, Jason and Day) looked on. It turns out that Audrey has been stewing and stewing over how none of her minions came to her defense or threw rotten meat at Jace's head. I mean, that's what any good alliance member would do, right?

In her chambers, Audrey dwelled upon the night before and decided that the best thing to do would be to confront Day and ask her why she didn't pop a cap in Jace's ass last night. In the Have-Not room, Day stares at Audrey all bored-like while Audrey moans about people in the house giving Jace power. Day don't know nothing 'bout that. She's voting his ass home and has told him that to his face.

However, since we're here getting all real and into it, Day would like to know if Audrey has said anything negative about her to other people in the house. Audrey does that thing where she flings her hands wildly and clutches at her nonexistent pearls, "Me? I would never say anything bad about you. We're ride or die!" Day harumphs to herself and replies, "So that's your story? That's wachu gonna tell me. You stickin' to that?" Audrey frantically grasps at those invisible pearls some more and clears her throat, "Yes. I haven't said a thing to anyone. Ever! I'm a simple girl with a dream and last night I was a victim." Day says, "Well, I dunno about that, but my name was being dragged in the mud and my job last night was to stay out of it!"

Audrey then regains her composure and decides she needs to question Day about what's being said around the house. But before Audrey can get one word out, Day shuts her down, "Uh huh, boo. I ain't answering nothin'. I'm just staying out of it." Audrey says, "But who..." Day says, "Bitch, I just done said I ain't telling you shit." (Slight paraphrasing is my artistic right)

Audrey, staring into her crystal ball, looks up and says, "When I get HOH and I'm in a position of power, I don't want that to be why you come and tell me things." Day replies, "Wachu talking about, Willis? I'll tell you whatever I want to tell you whenever I want to tell you. Ya got that, boo?" Audrey mumbles and sighs, "OK."

And then something magical happens. Vanessa enters the room - wiggedy whack hat and all. Sensing the uncomfortableness in the room, Vanessa removes her hat and turns to the two other ladies, "While I have you here, this is a good time to bring this up. I was crying A-GAIN this morning and it's about that rumor." Audrey asks, "What rumor? Which rumor? Who's rumor?" Vanessa replies, "Well, the one you were saying specifically about me and Day and how Day told you I was in an all girl's alliance." Day perks up, "You told her that? Oh hell no!" And then she laughed inappropriately and reached into her boot for her nine.

Audrey then explains how Day came outside and said there was an all girl's alliance because the girls were all wearing black and getting ready to dance around the May Pole. Day says, "You lyin, bitch!" Vanessa says, "And I wasn't even wearing black!"

Day interrupts and addresses Audrey, "Wait, hold up! You just got done telling me that you ain't never said nothin' bad about me and now here's Cry Baby telling me you be talking mad shit about me this whole time. Is that correct? Is that what I'm extrapolating from this here conversation?" Audrey mumbles, "Well, umm, I..." Day laughs to herself and rises to leave the room, but not before delivering one last message. She turns to glance at Audrey over her shoulder, "Game on!"

With Day out of the room, Vanessa stares through her sunglasses and repeats, "I'm just really hurt. I was really hurt. Hurt. Me. Feeling. I could cry again." Oh god, please don't.

Day, having gone through the house fuming, returns to the Have-Not Room. Vanessa meekly walks up to her, "Just tell me, were you lying about the dancing under the May Pole. It's ok if you did." Day replies, "Bitch, I ain't never lied to you about no Satan worshiping women." Day then turns to Audrey, "True or False. I did NOT tell nobody nothing about them girls." Audrey replies... wait for it... "FALSE." Oh snap! Hide yo wife! Hide yo kids! Day reiterates to Vanessa that the only thing she ever said about her was that she didn't know where she stood.

Day is now satisfied. She has caught Audrey in a lie, but Audrey isn't rolling over just yet. She says again, "That's not true. Day told me you were in a girls alliance, Vanessa." Day smiles, "No I did not. That's fine though. I'm not worried. I'm not worried at all." Audrey says smugly, "Well, at least we don't have to pretend to be friends anymore." Wow!

Day then leans in one more time, "So you never told nobody that I said Vanessa was the head of an all girl's alliance?" Audrey replies, "No. Uh uh." Day hops off the dentist chair, "OK let's rally the troops!" Audrey sneers to herself, "Go for it. Whatever."

Day then returns with just about everyone in the house I think. Audrey tries to control the meeting first by saying, "Ok so Day is saying..." Day interrupts her and says, "Nu uh. I'm gonna speak."

Day: "Did she or did she not rally up all of you and tell you guys that Vanessa was at the forefront of this alliance?
Merry Meg: "Huh? What? I don't understand."
Male Voice: "Yeah, she did."
Vanessa starts crying.
Day: "Who gonna check me now, boo?"
Audrey: "Didn't Day sit on the couch and say, "Look at all the Satan girls wearing black."
Jason: "No, YOU said that."
Audrey: "NO I DID NOT!"
Jason: "You were the first person to say that!"
Audrey: "You are pathological. You really are."
Jason: "YOU are pathological! If you notice, you're the only one saying anything different."
Audrey: "Like what?"
Jason: "We're awl corroborating stories and YOU'RE THE LIAR!"
Audrey: "Like what?"
Jason: "Awl the mistrust in this house has been planted by YOU!"

There was screaming and arms flailing. Clay hid under his cowboy hat while James didn't quite know what to do with himself. Jason pulled a top hat and cane out of his pocket and danced an interpretive dance of anger and chaos. It was beautiful. I was moved. Not quite moved to the point of tears as Vanessa has already used up our daily allowance, but nonetheless! The feeds came to life and Audrey is a pariah. It was a beautiful bunch o'ripe banana.

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Don't miss any more of the action!

Once Upon A Time...

In the wee wee hours of the morn, the local house shit stirrer, full of questions and shenanigans, made her way outside to engage in even more mischief making. Her robes cascading over the grass, scepter in hand, the scene begins...

Audrey: "Merry Meg, I think I'm going to go outside and give Jace a piece of my mind."
Meg: "Oh nooo, Queen Audrey, he's going home anyways. Why, why stir the cauldron?"
Audrey: "My bum has been on the burner!"
Meg: "But things will get icky!"
Audrey: "I'm going to do it and you cannot stop me. Come with me, Merry Meg!"
Meg: "Do I have to?"
Audrey: "YES! Sit with me and nod stupidly at everything I say."

The two then head out to the backyard...

Jace: "What's up bro?"
Audrey: "I just want to shit stir some more, do you mind?"
Jace: "Not at all. Bring it!"

Audrey: "I'm tired of taking the heat for everything. The whole house plotted your demise."
Jace: "Nu uh, bro. I think YOU'RE the reason and I'm gonna make everyone know about it."
Audrey: "Everyone knew about Five Alive!"
Jace: "You won't get away with this, Evil Queen!"
Audrey: "Everyone knew you were trying to backdoor Jason!"
Jace: "I was never trying to backdoor Jason. I don't swing that way."
Audrey: "You make everyone feel uncomfortable! That's why you're going home."
Jace: "Quit lying, bro! Quit trying to make me look like the bad guy."
Audrey: "You lack self awareness! We've all wanted you out for 85 days now."

Meanwhile, Jason thinks to himself, "Bitch, keep digging that grave. Dig, dig, dig!"

Jace: "I'm just curious, have I made you bros feel uncomfortable."
Day: "Chiiiiile, uh uh. You two talk. I'm just here gathering intel, boo."

Audrey: "You lack self awareness!"
Jace: "You're a master manipulator!"
Audrey: "Thank you. I mean, no I'm not! I haven't done a thing!"
Jace: "You're a liar liar pants on fire, bro."
Audrey: "You sound crazy!"
Jace: "No, you sound crazy!"
Audrey: "You need to get your head checked!"
Jace: "I know you are, but what am I?"
Audrey: "Huh?"
Jace: "Exactly! You can't save yourself now. You're the next one going home!"
Audrey: "Who's against me? I shall punish them to death with questions and hand gestures."
Jace: "Everyone is, dude!"
Audrey: "Now you're a liar lar pants on fire! I feel bad for you."
Jace: "Get outta here, stupid face. No one wants to talk to you."
Audrey: "You're not the boss of me!"

And everyone in the kingdom lived happily ever after.

The End.

Dudes, don't be left out. Witness the magic for yourselves.

Bust A Cap In Her Ass

From ancient Egypt to the reign of Napoleon, the humble bee has been a symbol of immortality and resurrection. But for our purposes, here in the Big Brother house, the busy bee will be a symbol of, "Bitch, slow your roll!" Buzzing this way and that, fluttering near your ankles, humming in your ear, the simple bee can be a real pain in the ass. Making zig zaggy pathways upstairs to downstairs back upstairs then back down again, the so-called Queen Bee of the house is destroying her game and getting on every person's last nerve. Let's recap, shall we?

The day began simply enough. Vanessa rose from a pile of ash just long enough to creep into the kitchen in search of a napkin or a coffee filter to nibble on before going back to bed. But slowly and surely the house did arise. Jace disappeared somewhere in the backyard probably trying to smoke the artificial turf blunt he made while the rest of the house flitted this way and that preparing for the day.

In the Have-Not Room, we found Liz and Austin having a conversation about how they need to recruit more people into their alliance. I like this twosome. Austin is actually normal when Jace isn't around and Liz isn't a dumb giggly girly girl like Meg, Shelli or Becky. Watching them talk and plan about maybe pulling Clay into the fold was exciting. Vanessa was another name mentioned. Sure, she's a crumpled kleenex, but she's also a vote.  They were being strategic. They were increasing their numbers. I had hope.

Then, Day (Da'Vonne) walks in to pick up some clothes or something. Out of nowhere she says to Liz and Austin, "Audrey is working this entire house." And then just like that, poof! She was gone. At home, I scratched my head and thought to myself, "Wait, I thought Day and Audrey were in a super tight secret alliance. Why would Day say such a thing? Is she bluffing? Is this a poker trick?" But then I started to remember how Day has been saying similar things to some other people as well. There is never a preamble or an epilogue, it's always just, "Audrey be talking some shit in this house yo." So maybe they are not the mighty duo I thought they were???

After that there was some yoga in the Living Room and then eventually the feeds went down for the big POV competition. And in that grand Big Brother tradition of never updating a Challenge EVER, it was the spelling comp. Remember, Jackie and Steve are on the block and the plan was supposed to be to throw the comp for Jackie to win. But out of nowhere, like a shot of Ritalin, Steve blows the competition to shreds (seriously, people were floored how he killed it) and wins with the word TROMBONISTS. Trombonists! Great fucking word. Good on you, Steve!

When the feeds finally return we find Audrey acting all weird and questioning everyone, "Who said that? Why are people talking like that? I didn't say that. Who is responsible?!" I looked around my Living Room at no one in particular and muttered, "What the hell is she talking about?" I turned to Twitter and asked, "What the hell is she talking about?" No one had answers. Neither my coffee table nor my Twitter confidants. But Audrey sure was fired up about something.

If any of what follows sounds confusing, just roll with it, because it is confusing and I still have no idea what the hell was going on, but it lasted for like 27 hours so we've got to try to work our way through it.

OK so Audrey grabs Jeff and pulls him into the Lounge. Audrey heard through the grapevine that Jeff said she was being sketchy. Jeff fidgets and is all like, "I didn't say that! Let's get Clay. He'll prove it." Then Clay comes in and Audrey asks, "Am I sketchy? Who's saying I'm sketchy? I'm not sketchy. Sometimes I like to draw portraits but that doesn't make me sketchy." Jeff and Clay were all, "We didn't say that. Jace and Austin did. Yeah, that's it. It was them!"


Look, here's what you need to know before we go on, everyone has been saying that Audrey is working the entire house. Everyone. She acts like the Queen Bee HOH and strategizes every second she's awake. She's playing too hard, too fast and, mark my words, it will bite her in the ass sooner rather than later.

So then Audrey, armed with this new info about Jace and Austin, runs back up to the HOH and is all like, "They said so-and-so said I was sketchy and why would they say it? Who started it? Sketch, sketch, sketch, can't I get some damn pastels already?" The flibberty gibbets up in the HOH are basically pussies so they're like, "Austin is up to no good. It's his fault!"

Then the Queen Bee buzzes back down to confront Austin. Austin was all like, "What the hell are you talking about? I didn't say shit." Audrey demands, "Get Liz in here!" Then Liz enters, "I didn't say shit, but you know what? Day was saying some smack earlier." Audrey shakes violently, "Day? Day?! Get Day in here!" Then Day enters and says, "I don't know what they're talking about, boo." And as quick as she entered, she disappeared. Audrey is relieved.

And then it literally just kept going like that - in weird circles - where Audrey questioned people and no one knew - especially me - what the hell was up her ass. And let's remember the most important thing - they just had the POV. Steve won and will remove himself from the block. Wouldn't you think that Audrey would slow her roll, keep HOH James happy, and ensure that Jace goes up and out? With a vacant seat on the block, the last thing I'd do is scurry hither and thither causing drama, but scurry she did.

Ok so then Day goes up to the HOH with Jason. She says something to the effect of, "This BITCH! Audrey!" Ohhh really? Ok then, so now we know. Day is not tight with Audrey. She's just playing her. Then Jason says something about Steve maybe being the start of all this and Day goes OFF. She says, "That nig... ummm, I mean, man." Yikes. She smacks her hand over her mouth and silently curses herself. Look, I don't care if Day wants to drop the n-bomb. I'm not uptight like that. She's black. She can say whatever the hell she wants. Plus, it was pretty damn funny at the time. What else it told us is that when Day gets hot, back the fuck away or you just might end up with a cap in your ass.

Eventually, James and Audrey start to trickle into the HOH and Day is still sitting there stewing. At one point she turns to Jason and asks him if it was really bad what she almost said. Jason assures her that she's fine. The conversation then turns to Jace and how it was probably his idea to spread a rumor that Jason would be backdoored. James then assures everyone that Jace will be going up on the block and that's that.

The drama starts to simmer down a bit with Audrey basically going room to room solidifying alliances with everyone she can get face time with. The funny thing is that the one alliance she holds dear - the one with Day - is the one that is blowing up her game. Day is stirring that cauldron. She's the troublemaker here, but what's kind of great about it is that no one realizes it's her! And when confronted, she just shakes her head and walks away.

I've got to end this here today. Lots to do, lots to do. Not to mention the Big Brother Gossip Show tonight where we will try to explain in detail everything you need to know from the past 2 days. Lawdy, lawdy. This house is a madhouse y'all and it's AWESOME!

If you haven't gotten your Live Feeds yet, now is the best time because when Jace goes up on the block... hide yo wife, hide yo kids!