All The World's A Stage

Is Jordan really a mad genius? Can Michele ever stop touching herself? Is Lydia getting suicidal? Has Casey lost his ever loving mind? The answers to these questions and more in today's daily dose of all things Big Brother.

We began our day with an outside meeting between Michele and Russell. The topic? The previous nights psycho fight fest. Russell apologizes for flying off the handle at Michele. She wasn't the target of his anger. Chima was. He's frustrated that he's ruined things with Jeff and Jordan and wonders if they'll ever forgive him. Russell also admits that he told Jessie that she was a doctor and he apologizes. They pretty much kiss and make up agreeing that Ronnie is an asshole.

Michele, not able to take her hands off her body throughout the entire conversation, mentions that the DR wanted her to confront Jessie about the things he's been saying. Come to think of it, yeah why didn't she ever approach the 2 people (Jessie and Natalie) who have been making up lies about her? Instead all she did was fumble awkwardly, mumble incessantly, and fidget uncontrollably. This girl is awkward personified. Never have I seen a player so socially inept. In this conversation she was having with Russell, she was not being blamed for anything, she wasn't righting any wrongs, she wasn't pleaing for her safety. She was just having a simple chat, yet I got the distinct impression that her heart was pounding, her mouth was dry, and her constant need to stroke herself were odd nervous ticks. You know how some people have the ability to walk into a room and put everyone at ease and make them smile? Michele has the ability to walk into a room and turn everyone into paranoid anxiety ridden fidgety nontrusting nervous wrecks. This girl is a fun killer plain and simple.

Anyhow, Michele does at least manage to address the big elephant in the room. She asks Russell why he winked at Chima the night before. Yesterday I noted how Jordan thought the fight between Russell and Chima was fake and how she thought she saw Russ winking at Chima. I immediately blasted Jordan calling her "fucking stupid" or something equally as charming. When rumors began last night on Twitter that perhaps just maybe the whole fight was indeed staged I immediately scoffed and then suddenly got very quiet. I keep some highlight notes throughout the day so I can remember everything that happens for when I actually sit down and write this blog. I completely forgot that I had in my notes, "Chima and Russell are planning to stage a fight." Doh! Could it be? Could that big ugly drama last night all have been preplanned? Were we all duped? Did Jordan actually think something smart?

Russell says he winked at Chima in an effort to egg her on and piss her off. Now, I didn't see the wink at all. I don't know if the cameras captured it BUT Jordan thought she saw it and Russell just confirmed it so the wink did happen. That much we know. We also know that Chima is a total fame whore who looks at Big Brother as her chance to be famous. A big fight like the one last night guarantees her air time. AND we know that Chima and Russell did talk about staging a fight. It was in my notes only my head was too far up my ass to read them properly. The only question I have now is, "Why?" Why in the world stage a fight that got so ugly and made them both look so bad to the entire house? And, if it was staged, then why is Russell moping around even when he's all alone? Wouldn't he loosen up, laugh, and gloat when he knew no one was watching? Knowing what I know of Russell, he loves to be seen as some genius mastermind and would, for sure, want to get some credit. Russell has been nothing but quiet, contemplative, distracted and concerned since all that shit went down last night. He came off as an asshole to the viewing public and, more importantly, the house. I just don't see any real benefits in staging a fight like that ESPECIALLY one they staged together. If Russell had wanted to incriminate Chima, like he did with that Jeff fight, then maybe I could understand, but if it was staged, then Chima was most likely in on it. I don't know guys. I can't come to a conclusion. What do you think? More importantly, could the girl who shaves her legs with a garden house be wiser than I give her credit for?

Later in the BY Ronnie, Natalie, Chima, and Lydia are rehashing the nights events. Lydia makes it known that she wants "a female who's not codependent on guys to win." Pot meet kettle. She asks Natalie why she keeps talking to Russell knowing how he feels about women. Natalie, still dirty and strange, says she can talk to whomever she wants to. She changes the subject saying her favorite phrase, "If I win HOH next week... " Natalie, you unkempt Ragamuffin, you will NEVER win HOH. You suck. Keep dreaming. "If I win HOH next week, I'm putting Michele up and a pawn. I want her ass out." If I wasn't so tired I'd do my "I told you so" dance. I knew Michele would be everyone's target now. Her swagger this week is simply a prelude to her demise. Bitch is going down and I don't mean in a sexual way which is something I think she'd prefer.

Oh wow... it just hit me. I just woke up from a crazy long nap and I realized I had dreamt I was in Big Brother. I had taken great care in not doing anything too crazy and was trying to lay low (a la Kevin), but then I got all freaky with another HG (who ended up being someone I knew in college) and I became the Lydia "character". People from BBUK were there as well as some of the idiots I encounter in the chats. And yes, they're all fat and gross. I knew it. I'm interpreting the dream to mean that if I was ever on Big Brother (which I would NEVER do because then I'd have to endure wretched bitches like me analyzing my every move) I'd be the Big Brother Slut and that all the heinous beasts (they know who they are - not any of my readers of course - my readers are all fabulous and gorge) I meet in the chat are as nasty physically as they are mentally. It's like I'm Nostradamus about things. I just know.

Back to the game... so yeah Chima is mad Jessie is tight with Russell and Lydia is annoyed Natalie is friends with him as well. "He's a misogynist!", cries Lydia. Chima reveals that she had asked the DR beforehand if she was allowed to throw water at Russell. Hmmm, that's a little suspicious isn't it? It's almost as if she was planning a fight. Whoever is keeping track of the evidence, put another tick in the "Yes it was staged" column. Ronnie reveals that there was a lot more to the Mongoose/Cobra speech. Russell also brought religion into it and Ronnie claims, "he insulted my god." Your god? Russell is Christian too. Most Lebanese are. Chima puts her two hateful cents in and says, "I am going to keep calling Russell a terrorist because America won't get mad cuz America hates Middle Easterners!" *shakes head disgusted* Nice Chima. Very nice. Never mind the fact that Lebanon is an ally. Someone remind me to nominate Chima to represent America at the next Racial Equality Summit.

Last night, to the surprise of Live Feeders everywhere, the HG's were once again given alcohol. You know after word spread about all the killer drama the night before BB didn't want to disappoint everyone tuning in last night. While the previous night was Fight Night, last night was clearly Mental Illness Night. Everyone in that house is losing their ever loving mind. First, Natalie goes completely nuts. Someone told me she snuck alcohol in the storage room and was drunk. I didn't see it and can't verify it at the moment, but let's assume she had been drinking because she was a complete nut job. First, she rips Michele's key out of the wall and smashes it on the ground chanting "Bad! Bad! Bad!" then she yells at Chima and Jessie telling them they're going on the block. She dropping F bombs everywhere and looks like a soiled little monkey gone awry. Ronnie eats it up with a spoon and just laughs and laughs. Meanwhile Jessie flips her over his shoulder (probably in an effort to get an ass grab) and this is what happened:

Had these 2 been good looking, the sexual tension would have been hot, but they're not. They're just a Manbeast and a Ragamuffin. If I ever saw Natalie doing sexy time, I'd probably hurl.

On the other side of the house, Lydia is crying and giving all bipolars a bad name. Apparently, she and Jessie had a playful wrestle match that ended with Jessie slamming her down and hurting her. He's a manbeast. That's what Manbeasts do. Lydia interpreted it as a symbol of him using her. He only wants her for blow jobs (Yes, she admitted to giving him one. He said her mouth was magical.). Oh dear. Lydia, I had no problem with you using sex as a game maneuver. In fact, I quite liked the ingenuity of it. The problem is you failed. You got sucked in and started to like the target. You can't do that! Don't you know anything? Keep all emotion out of it. You're weak... weak! Men use women for sex all the time. Why is it so hard for women to do the same thing? Pathetic. Just use them for what you want and move on. It'll save you a lot of heartache in the end.

(Excuse the Tweetdeck update in the photo. BB11 gets to be a hot topic at night.)

Lydia continues to moan and cry to Kevin saying, “I’m sick of him. I’m sick of Natalie. I’m sick of the whole situation. He’s supposed to be my best firend. He’s supposed to look out for me.” No Lydia. He's not your best friend and he's not supposed to look out for you. Remind me to never call you Mata Hari. You're too fragile for the sex game Lydia. I had expected more from you, but all I get is a weepy mess. Kevin tells her that the upcoming eviction votes will be very telling. If they find out that Jessie votes to evict her, then they'll know for sure how he feels. Oh christ. Get ready for a post eviction meltdown...

This clip is really really long, but you'll only need to watch a few minutes to get the gist of it. Please to enjoy:

Are you there BB gods, it's me, Lala? I beg of you to let Lydia win HOH this week. Please let her discover that Jessie has just been using her and wanted her evicted. Please let her be strong enough to nominate both Jessie and Natalie. Don't let either of one of them win POV and let them have a hellish week comprised of vicious fights and nasty backstabbing. Thank you. Amen.

The night, or rather crack of dawn, ended with Lydia getting some mojo back. She starts boxing and working out her frustrations. She's imagining she's punching Natalie and Jessie over and over again. Now, that's more like it! That's what I like to see. Get angry Lydia! Get furious! Fight back! Kick some ass! Go go go! Don't ever let a manbeast and a Ragamuffin make you feel like less of a woman. You fight back and you fight back hard. I still have a teeny tiny soft spot for you. I don't know why. I just do. Turn this shit around, grow a spine, and show them all who's boss.

It's like watching Rocky and Mickey isn't it? If Mickey were a flamboyant gay man, it would be the spitting image.

Mickey: You're a bum, Rock. You're a bum.

Rocky: I ain't no bum, Mick. I ain't no bum.

Cue Rocky theme song...

Before I end this, I'd like to direct your attention to something completely ridiculous. Casey already has a website up selling stupid Bananaman t-shirts. Typically, it takes a few weeks for BB memorabilia to end up on eBay, but this newest venture takes the cake. Maybe some of you will like it and will give this man your money, but I, for one, think it's lame. While the banana crap was mildly funny, it definitely doesn't warrant this: http://maninabananasuit.com/