Sunday, September 13, 2009

Urine In a Snake Carcass

Happy Sunday bitches! 2 days to go and it's all over. Well, not exactly. Even though BB will be over, the fun will still continue here... for a little while at least. I've been sitting on a certain announcement, but I figure now is as good a time as any to reveal it. I have secured an interview with a past HG and I can guarantee that it will be funny, shocking, and interesting all at the same time. I've already spoken to this person on the phone and not only is this person a fan of the blog, but they're very forthcoming and honest. You won't want to miss it. Who knows? Maybe it will lead to some other interviews as well (I'm dying to talk to Lydia - if anyone reading this knows her, tell her I found her to be immensely entertaining and rooted for her since Day 1.). Also, if any of the HG's make videos, pop up in the news, or do something stupid it'll be covered here as well. Keep checking back or follow me on Twitter so you don't miss a thing.

Lots of interesting comments in yesterday's post. Thank you everyone for sharing your 9/11 stories. It was so interesting reading how different generations and various locations reacted to the tragedy. I love hearing from new people who've been reading all along, but have never commented before. It tickles my no-no in much the same way that Mr. O'Shaugnessy is right now. A note to Aslan: I could be standing next to you at Le Grand Appetit or sipping margaritas at Rio Grande and you'd never know. ;)

Once again, not much happened yesterday in the house and I was much too busy getting my KICK ASS NEW PHONE to watch all these bitches sleep all day. Never go to the Verizon store on a Saturday by the way. The store was packed and the guy who was helping me had the softest voice and I had to keep saying, rather obnoxiously, "What?!? What did you say?!?" Funniest part of my experience was that they were playing Man V. Wild in the store. I was waiting for them to transfer all the contacts from my old phone to my new phone so I was sitting down watching the giant TV. Bear Grylles had gutted a snake and filled it with his own urine to drink later. I must have had quite a look on my face because a Verizon lady started pointing at me and laughing hysterically. Bitch. Who wouldn't be horrified by a crazy British man holding a snake carcass over his head emptying out his own urine into his mouth? I almost started gagging. The lady next to me covered her face while her boyfriend turned the other direction. A good time was had by all.

OK so in the house they slept all day again. When they finally woke up and started talking Ragmuffin began to discuss how she wants to get married immediately. Kevin tells her that's silly and that being engaged is the best part. He says if she rushes it people will think she's pregnant. Ragamuffin hints that she wants CBS to pay for her wedding and Jordan chimes in and says, "Yeah! Like Trista and Ryan!" They begin to talk about The Bachelor and Jordan thought the one who was a doctor was "fine". Jordan brings up Melissa Rycroft and how she did Dancing With The Stars after she got dumped last season. She tells the others that she'd love to do DWTS and Kevin tells her to tell someone she wants to do it. He thinks they'd totally let her be on the show. Jordan then says she'd never do it and that she's too embarrassed to dance in front of other people. WTF. Then why did she just say she wants to do DWTS if she has no intention of dancing in front of an audience? I will kick puppies if this bitch wins this show. Seriously, you don't want to see what the tantrum I will throw. I've already begun wrapping my fragile valuables in bubble wrap.

They all remark about how the house is like a ghost town now. Ragamuffin says that she doesn't miss having to do Diary Room sessions. Jordan and Kevin both say that they loved going to the DR and being able to say what's on their mind.

Conversation turns to past HG's and Jordan says how she didn't like Braden or Laura at all in the beginning. She says she liked Kevin because he was funny. She was intimidated by Casey and she thought Natalie would be young and sweet. She thought Chima was funny but had the potential to have a major attitude. Lydia totally stood out to her and she never really noticed Jeff at all. Michele or Ronnie didn't stand out to her either. Jordan tells Kevin she liked him immediately because he was gay. The gay men in her salon are funny so she automatically assumed that Kevin would be funny too. Kevin just laughs and chalks it up to southern ignorance.

It turns out that Jordan has never enjoyed Cup O'Noodles before entering the house. She thinks they're magically delicious and remarks that she'll definitely buy them when she gets back home. Kevin tells her how cheap they are and how college students live off of them. Ragamuffin says, "Yeah... that's what you live on!" Uh oh... the moment passed and no one caught Ragmuffin's little age faux pas. Jordan just keeps on talking about how she thought it was weird how healthy everyone was and how they all took vitamins. Well Mashed Potato Maisy, not everyone thinks cotton candy and marshmallows are food groups. I'm a total vitamin junky btw. I blame my mother and Suzanne Sommers. My mom was reading Suzanne's book about menopause or some shit like that and she freaked me out telling me how many diseases I could get if I don't take my vitamins. Now I order vitamins nonstop from Puritan's Pride and read by the neon light of my pee when the power goes out. Turns out Suzanne Sommers was on to something cuz I feel and look great and my mood has improved. Now I only give 5 people a day the finger instead of 10. Yay vitamins!

Ragamuffin asks Kevin if she can wear her blue hoody. Kevin tells her no and she snarls and growls saying that she doesn't know why she has to ask him whether or not she can wear her own hoody. It's not her hoody and I'm going to be livid if she gets it. Kevin better seriously hide that shit from her when he does his final packing because I would not put it past her to totally steal it.

Then Jordan says something which really pissed me off. She says she wants to go hunting but she doesn't want to eat what she kills. She just wants to go out and shoot things. Bad Jordan! I'm completely against hunting for sport and I'm actually surprised Jordan wants to go out and shoot things just for the sake of shooting. As if I needed another reason to hate her.

They all talk about how they're worried about their jobs when they leave the house... Kevin, especially. When he left his assistant took over his work and now he's worried that she'll have infiltrated her way into his job and completely taken over. By now she's probably gotten the hang of it and she's cheaper to employ so Kevin is a little bit concerned. Ragamuffin says that Blockbuster may not exist anymore so she might not have a job either. Jordan doesn't really care either way. Her job sucked before she went into the house and will still suck when she gets out of the house.

Then they talk about all things pop culture and Kevin confesses to loving New York from I Love New York. He says he can't help but cry from laughing so hard whenever he watches her show. Jordan says BB should have a spin off like VH-1 did with Charm School and Real Chance Of Love. They should compete for money or love or something. Natalie says she'd do it in a heartbeat. She'd even do another season of BB in a heartbeat. Kevin says he'd do another season, but he'd want a year break first. Jordan doesn't know if she'd do another season. The game was a lot harder than she thought and it's been really stressful for her. Kevin chimes in saying he thought it would be a little more relaxing and not constant stress all the time.

Convo turns to game play and they recap the Braden fight. Ragamuffin says she feels bad she said shit about Jordan behind her back, but she didn't really know her at all. Now that she knows her she thinks she's sweet. Bitch please. She's just kissing up to get taken to the Final 2. Kevin says he never really got to know Jordan either until Jeff left. Jordan says "Really?" They say yeah she was always around Jeff and they never got to know who she was as an individual.

Kevin confesses he never thought he'd bond with Lydia. He toally thought he and Chima would be "ghetto sisters". He had seen Chima in casting and took the IQ test at the same time she did. He says she was dressed in head to toe pink and didn't have her weave on. I would pay money to see a picture of that. He says she had a doo rag on her head and looked ghetto fabulous. Once in the house when Lydia told him she was bisexual and began to talk about all things pop culture he knew immediately they'd be besties. Jordan says how one night when she was sleeping Lydia was rubbing her arm. Jordan didn't tell her to stop because it felt so good. LOL Then Jordan confesses to making out with girls in clubs for various contests while drunk. Had Jordan made out with Lydia, I might have liked her some more.

Late last night during BBAD, BB kept focusing on various different design elements around the house especially the bikes and light bulbs in the green room. What was the point of those stupid bikes anyways? Hardly anyone rode them. The camera conitnued to focus on the different recycled bottles, plants, fruit, cameras, couches, everything. I don't know if it was a bored camera operator of if they were trying to give us a hint that the Final HOH component would be about counting. The damn conspiracy theorists have rubbed off on me and now I'm looking for meaning in every little thing.

OK I'm gonna end this here. Remember to keep voting for the BBTop50.

Let's do something different today. How about you guys tell me who you want to win BB11 in the comments. I'm interested to see who you guys are rooting for. Don't worry... if you're rooting for Jordan I'll try not to make fun of you too much.

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  1. I totally know who you're interviewing. I bet this person will be "WoWed" by the interview.

    And please don't cut me, but I'm rooting for Jordan. Everyone in the house = floaters, and Jordan just seems more appealing to me than others. Kevin did put up a good show with the Jeff eviction and everything, though.

  2. I kind of got the feeling that Natalie was trying to get Cup o' Noodles to sponsor her wedding with CBS. Or trying out for a job as their spokesmodel. "When I go to the store I buy this. It's good for a quick snack or a delicious meal..." Kevin must have to fight the urge to roll his eyes at the two of them every .25 seconds.

    Kevin for the win!!

  3. Kevin all the way! But I'll take Jordan over Nat if it comes down to that!

  4. I'm voting for Kevin to win!
    Shout out to Mr. O'Shaugnessy!

  5. I am also a vitamin junkie!! Each day I take 1 multi, 1 super B complex and 1 b-6 for an added kick. My pee is also super florescent!!

    Ok. Don't kill me. About winning: Who do I WANT to win? Well.. i want Jordan to win because I really think she needs the money the most and because I really think it will better her life. Who DESERVES to win? Ew..probably Natalie actually But i hate her SOOO much. I also want Jordan to win because she honestly has played this game like no one ever has before. She has just been herself completely, mostly honest, sweet etc.. She could prove that you don't need to lie cheat be a rat to win. I think manipulation and stuff is at times necesary, but I have never approved of purposely being the worst person you can be and then winning. Jordan winning would add a new element to how people play this game. I would also be totally happy if Kevin won. He's done good. BUT, and he would admit this, his strategy has been very similar to Jordan's: both floaters, trying to just be themselves or friendly and get by. They both won comps here and there, kevin maybe more, but there is no real difference. Except LML which honestly was Nat's doing. SO bottom line, Jordan or Kevin = Fine by me. Natalie = I come to your house and break all of your valuables.

  6. Kevin FTW. I don't know how Jordon could win a game she wasn't even playing. I wonder sometimes if she even knows where she is. But I hate HATE HATE Natalie. She makes me have seizures. She talks talks talks all the time about how she can do this and that and how awesome she is and she sucks. Her skills are so weak. Reading her HOH blog made me vomit a little in my mouth.

  7. Not liking what I heard about Jordan and wanting to go hunting!! She makes me sick! Come on Kevin or Natalie you have got to win.
    Can't stand the thought of dumbass Jordan winning!

  8. I must say, I didn't like any of the HGs. But I grew to like Kevin. He is the only remaining player that deserves to win. If it ends up being between gNat and Jordan, my vote goes for gNat. Jordan DOES NOT deserve to be in the house (like the line referee did not deserve to be on the tennis court). If not for Jeff she would have been history in chapter 2.

  9. I'm one of those people that have read your blog every day and never posted. You have made me laugh out loud at my puter and my husband thinks I'm just going nuts. You've made this season much more enjoyable. Thanks. FTW? Kevin. He's so fabulous. I've fallen for the scarfed one. Jordan has provided lots of laughs this season. Can anyone really be that studpid? Nat is just scary. I've never seen anyone that can brag so much about nothing. She's full of excuses for not winning anything and that proposal just made me hate her (like I needed any more reasons).If it's down to Nat and Jordan, I'd have to go with Jordan. I'll be following your Survivor and Amazing Race blogs. Thanks for the laughs!

  10. I got a new game for you! Let your devotees guess what BB11 guest will be subjecting themself to water boarding by Mistress Lala & her little four leaf clover?

    I have a sneaking suspicion I have figured it out. I only hope that you have been stealing away sharpening that wit & double edge tongue for HIS interview.

    Lets see if your Barbara WaWa ass can make him cry. I know what a purest you are and considering your subject is a counterfeit educator, debater, mensa member, strategist & his mouth writes checks his ass can't cash I can't wait to read this interview.

  11. I go back and forth regarding Jordan. There are times when I am convinced that she is just plain stupid, and other times, when I am thinking she might be just playing stupid as game play. There are also times when I think she is just SIMPLE, not stupid, but SIMPLE.

    As for the win, Kevin. Kevin has grown on me. I was "on the fence" about Kevin for most of the season but he won me over with his wit, mostly in the DR. If it comes down to Jordan and Natalie, Jordan by far. Natalie deserves NOTHING, zilch, NADA!! Being a rude, obnoxious, mean, cruel, lying, cheat should NEVER be rewarded, either in real life or in a game!!

  12. I hope Lil' Stanky Ragamuffin,... Just to see all the Jordan/Jeff hags freak-out, & watch Natalie herself turn into an even bigger-more-obnoxious-delusional-menace than she already is now!

  13. i've been reading your blog daily since i found it early int he season, but have never commented. thank you for doing what you do, and as another reader said, you made this season SO much more enjoyable. will definitely follow the amazing race blog, can't wait!

    oh yes...kevin, for sure!

  14. Kevin FTW and Jordan 2nd. Raganat is sooooooo annoying, and why is she always looking around like she's making sure she's on camera? Ugly biznatch! Guuugggghhh! I just punched myself in the throat. Bitch. Oh, and during the "proposal" you could totally tell she was so not into her boyfriend. She was thinking about "Jesse The Wad" the whole time and how could her bf propose after he saw her skankin' on "The Wadster" the whole time he was in the house. The bf should be slapped around too. I hope the next phase of HOH comp is a BB Bitch Slapdown. Kevin would win cause you know he could slap a bitch hard. Jordo didn't bother me too much, cause she's like a big 'ol cup o' sugar, until she said the shoot for fun comment. Myabe they could have Evil Dick shoot em in the head with paintballs and the one with the least welts wins the final HOH. Just for fun. Jordo wouldn't know what hit her. Literally, she wouldn't know. Duhrrrrrrrrr. Anywho, there's my 2 cents or is it 3 cents? What is it? 2 cents or 3 cents? Cause 2 cents is only 2 and 3 is one more. I don't get it. No, cause 2, or 3 is like one more than 2 right. . . Uggghhhhh!!!!! Excuse me I have to shoot my face off now.

    Sore Throat

  15. I want Jordan to win over Kevin. As long as nat loses I don't care.

  16. Long time readah, first time postah. I love, love your writing LaLa, very funny and witty.

    I want Kevin to win, not just for his game play, but cause I am also an ex-Jehovah. I would love for him to take this media opportunity to bring even more attention to the inhuman practices of this religious CULT. The media portray them as silly and benign, yet they destroy individuals and especially families. (stepping off soapbox before I trip)

    As far as second place, I guess I pick JOR-do. I'll pick stupid over obnoxious asshole anytime.

  17. I want Natalie to win because a lot of fans seem to hate her with so little reason and production has been against her for weeks.

    But I don't think she will win, she hasn't won enough comps. If she doesn't win, I want Jordan to. If Kevin is dumb enough to pick Jordan, break his word to Natalie, and lose Natalie's crucial 4th vote, I ESPECIALLY want Jordan to win. Kevin is a snake, I used to like him but not after he turned on Natalie!

  18. I love Jaye Bird's remarks on NastaLIE & adore the Sore Throat post.

    I am intrigued by a something Mr. Fung mentioned in his opening statement about his heroine NastaLIE.

    I won't be so presumptious to speak for BB fans collectively, however, I will say that his allegation that the Jeff/Jordan fans or BB Production have no or little grounds to loathe NastaLIE and "...have been against her for weeks..." is patently baseless. Because Mr. Fung, I would be delighted to sit down with you over a cold glass of iced tea from now until the season premiere of BB12 if you are interested and do a full inventory of her despicable, hypocritical, pathological lying & deviant behavior most of which is beyond what's necessary to win.

    In summary, I for one appreciate well planned & executed strategy, having said that I don't embrace the over zealousness of The Crips/The Bloods/or Bernie Madoff. Likewise I believe NastaLIE has overplayed her character flaws & underplayed or not played her strengths of character assuming she has one. It is my assumption it is the same folly she makes in her private life.

    Next time you are in Houston stop in for that glass of tea.

  19. LOL, I live in San Marcos so I'm only two and a half hours away from Houston so I may take up you on that, haha.

    Everybody lies. Kevin lied about not being behind the chess analogy, lied about LML, lied about trying in the early HoHs, lied about liking Jessie, and is lying about Final 2 to Jordan or Natalie.

    Natalie, however, was loyal to her friends when they were in the house - Ronnie, Chima, Jessie, Kevin. Jordan has also been loyal. Kevin has not.

    The Green Room lie was good strategy to cause confusiong put the target on Michele. LML was also good strategy. Neither was malicious.

    The 18 thing is just like Michele hiding her PhD -- pointless, backfiring, but not malicious. (Michele had malicious lies in other ways. Natalie, however, I maintain, does not.)

    As for the show being against her, coup d'crap was the first part of that, it continued through production urging Michele to put Chima up instead of Russell and then expelling Chima so Natalie would not have her jury vote, then lately there has been the constant "raping" of Kevin by production to get him to think that Natalie does not have his back and that he can't win against her.

  20. Kevin, ftw, of course. But I do not see that happening. I think Jordan has this game all wrapped up... and she did nothing but win Part II of the final hoh. Her first hoh was given to her by Jeff. Her veto win was won by her listening to Michele's footsteps on the stairs (she admitted that).

    If Kev wins and takes Jordough... She has Michele, Jeff, Natalie, and America.

    If Jordough somehow pulls a win out of her ass... I honestly think she will take Nat. And Jordough will have Michele, Jeff, America, Lydia and/or Kevin.

    The only way Kev can win is if he takes Nat, Or Jordough takes him. Don't think it will happen.

  21. I simply don't want nat to win.. so jordan/Kevin will be fine.. nat in 3rd place.. angels and fairies will sing and dance..

  22. I was all "Jordan Yay!" until I read your latest post. I and my family spend alot of money trying to save animals that other people hurt "for fun". I have turned on Jordan for her "Oh I just want to SHOOT them" - like I guess that is supposed to be some kind of FUN for her. People like that disgust the hell out of me.

    Kevin ftw!! I'm also voting for Nat, out of the Jordan/Nat scenario. But I want Kevin to win. He's played well, IMO. Nat, as much as it pains me to say this, has also played the game, as far as scheming and lying- which we know IS a big part of this game whether we agree with that or not.

    Jordan- I wanted her to win because she was sweet and endearing and needs the money. But Jeff carried her far, even gave her a HOH. I must say she's stepped up some later, but Jeff carried her most of the way. Jeff deserves to be there over her. And now, with this "I just want to go out and kill animals"... no way sweetie. My votes now go to Kevin and Nat.

  23. I'm rooting for IQ, so out of the three it has to be Kevin as my choice to win. Second place should go to Jordan, just because I can't stand Natalie (why does BB love to put annoying people with the name Natalie in the house) and I'd like the $25k to go to Crazy James again (my all time fav HG) or me.

    Susan in FL

  24. Mr. Fung! The Hill Country! I was just there kicking up my heels looking for Lala & that little leprechan at every turn as I navigated my favorite sport your upscale outlet mall on Labor Day.

    We go to God's country every couple of months so next time we're there, if your calendar permits, we'll meet you and your family at The Salt Lick BBQ Resturant & buy you that iced tea I promised.

    But fair warning, with that irresistable offer comes discussion of these issues ad nauseaum, The Bitchy Survivor Blog, The Bitchy Amazing Race Blog & all things Lala & Mr. O'Shaunessey over that iced tea if you are so inclined!

    Lala, it'd be great if you and the wee one would join us it's always more fun to talk about someone in their presence...

    Tweet at you soon

  25. Watching this Big Brother Sunday night filler/so-called-season-highlights show reminded me of exactly how utterly stupid Ragamuffin, Lydia & Chima were crying & making totally asinine comments as to how "good" meat-headed Jessie was! Talkin' 'bout like he was the Cardinal or something. That was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen on TV!

  26. I cannot believe Kevin just told Nat he was not taking her to F2. He cannot beat Jordan in the f2. Gahhhhhhhh.

  27. Did she really say she wanted to kill animals? I missed that, but I certainly believe it. Did anyone hear the story of when she was little, she would get those bags of goldfish and stick a pin in it just to watch them die. And people call Natalie a sociopath? People really have drunk the Jordan kool aid. I hope for this bitch's sake she never runs into me. She reminds me of one of Sarah Palin's kids. Ignorant slut!
    Kev and Nat final two.

  28. I want Kevin to win =) Oh and damn you Lala *shakes fist* I am addicted to Gossip Girl now and I totally blame you LOL I even got my husband addicted to it. @.@


  30. I definitely want Kevin to win. He's the one houseguest I have liked the entire time and I feel he played a good game. He won when he needed to win and stuck his neck out on ocassion as well.

    If it's between Natalie and Jordan - I'd pick Natalie b/c she has played a smarter game. Jordan rode Jeff's coat tails and got lucky. She did good in that one competition, but I don't think it's enough to deserve to win.

  31. Yes, Jim Fung, Everbody lies, including Kevin. But NO ONE lies as viciously and as often as NASTALIE does. The Green Room Lie was a LIE and all her doing. The LML lie was a lie and ALL her doing. She is the one who thought of all these lies and Kevin put them into action. He didnt make them up. NastaLIE is a SKANK, get over it!!

  32. I'm a vitamin/mineral person, too. Tons each day.

    Ratalie and the Hoodys: a new group. Woman, take your stipend and buy your own!

    I thought the cameras focused on different things b/c the hg were saying things they shouldn't. I figured they decided to do that instead of FoTH.