Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Swear On Arkansas

After she went down to the creek to fetch her water for the day, Kathy Faye would then begin to do the washing up. Everyday she has to bury her bucket of feces downwind of the tiny cabin that often looked like a small breeze could knock it off it's mountaintop perch. The wooden porch may as well have been put together with toothpicks. It was her granddaddy who built the cabin back at the turn of the century. It was intended as a place for the moonshiners to stay when they were out working late at night in the hollow and solid longlasting contstruction wasn't really his forte or his intention. He was a grumpy man with a scruffy beard who shuffled around with one suspender and a screw top jar full of the 'shine in his front pocket. Kathy Faye had only known him briefly as a child and even though he was scary and gruff, she knew the formula for how much sugar and yeast to use would always get her out of a jam if she was desperate. And Pappy Faye's 'shine did exactly that... how do you think she paid for all them oncology tests? Well, let's just say it wasn't the HMO down at the Sheriff's office. It was long nights swatting at the 'skitos', clutching the double barrel in her lap, and smoking cig after cig making sure Sheriff Dobkins didn't swing by at the end of his night down at the honky tonk. Yup, Kathy Faye was a tough broad who's been to this side of hell and back. She's expects the worst to happen now. It's just easier that way. Expect it and you'll never be surprised. Let's recap, shall we?

It's POV Ceremony day and the whole house is still confused as to whom to vote out and who to keep. Kathy Faye has been avidly working Kristen over by telling her about Brenchel's hate for her and Hayden while Andrew has pretty much kept to himself planning his jars of baby food for the day. Yesterday, dear friends, that all changed. The morning began with Kathy Faye and Kristen dreading the pending POV Ceremony. Kristen sighed languidly wondering why both Brendon and Rachel had to play in the POV. This would all be so much easier if they'd just backdoored Brendon and been done with it. I like Kristen. I always have. When I see people on Twitter gets all bitchy and nasty over some silly socks she's wearing I can't help but think how petty and childish it all is. I don't know. If you dislike someone make it for something more than her fucking socks.

OK so everyone is whispering and chitchatting over the big POV Ceremony. I sat home and wondered why. We all know Brendon's not going to use the damn POV. The noms will stay the same. What could possibly happen to shake things up? Lane sits and wonders if there's actually a way they can convince Brendon to use the POV after all. Maybe tempt him into getting out another strong male in the house? Look, unless Brendon is met with an untimely accident where he slips on the kitchen floor and half his brain oozes out of his ear, there's no way in hell he's using that POV. While Lane is busy making wishful thinking plans, Enzo tells the other Badda-bing members, "I'm telling you man, I say we get rid of fucking Andrew." Enzo has always thought that Andrew was a bit of a shady character. For one, he's creepy. B) He keeps to himself so who the hell knows what he's thinking. Thirdly, he seems to have a lot of acquaintances in the house ready to jump to his defense. You add it all up and he's too much of a wild card.

Hayden and Lane head up to the HOH to wait for Matt and have a Badda-bing meeting of the minds. While they wait, they run through various scenarios of who Brenchel would put on the block if they won HOH next week. They're thinking two members of Badda-bing could end up on the block and this freaks them out. Eventually, Matt makes his way upstairs but hot on his heels is Ragan. I swear that guy can smell a meeting about to go down from a mile away. Homeowners meetings, AA meetings, Girl Scout meetings... you name it, Ragan will find it.

Lane and Hayden decide, for Ragan's benefit, to ask Matt how he thinks the votes will go. Matt thinks the house is split right now. Lane tells the group that Andrew hasn't approached him at all yet Kathy has approached him twice already. Both nominees leave such a question mark in Lane's mind that he decides he'll vote for George Clooney to stay instead. He's a popular guy. Besides he's got that house on Lake Como and maybe he'll invite the HG's to visit one day. All of a sudden, BB comes over the loud speaker and calls Ragan to the DR. Feedsters were thrilled and Lane says, "Good job DR!". With Ragan safely out of the way, the meeting resumes and all guys confess to being really confused at to exactly what the house is thinking. Matt thinks Kristen is a great resource as she's close to both nominees. She'd be the best person to find out what Andrew is really thinking. Matt lies and says over and over that he really doesn't care who goes home. He claims he has no loyalties either way. It seems to me that Matt has loyalties to everyone but Badda-bing! He's loyal to Andrew, he's loyal to Ragan... this asshole even wants Brenchel to win HOH next week! I understand he's playing for himself and that's fine, but doesn't he realize that as soon as the house puts two and two together his ass is gonna be alone with nary a vote to help him? He's lucky Badda-bing was built on loyalty and trust. It's a brotherhood that wouldn't even consider to question betrayal from within. That's their one downfall. They believe too much in themselves.

Matt laughs and jokes that whatever they decide as a group will probably will wrong anyways. Lane secretly hopes they can piss someone off so much that a fight will break out and someone will be removed saving poor Lane from having to vote. Hayden muses aloud that he remembers Brendon boasting back in week one how he's "got Andrew". Instead of all this guessing and conjecture, I can't help but wonder why one of them doesn't just make a deal or something. Badda-bing is entirely too complacent. Lane and Hayden are beginning to step up and question moves, but it's all happening a little too slow for me. If I had things my way, Badda-bing would recruit Britney and Kristen, figure out Matt is double crossing them, systematically take out the entire house, then at the end turn on each other and duke it out for Final 3. I've written my wishes in blood by candlelight on some really old parchment paper (in fact, I think it was Egyptian papyrus) while chanting in the all powerful Ancient Enochian so I'm pretty sure the powers that be got my message and will make it so.

Britney enters the meeting and again makes the point that Andrew is a strong player and she'd much rather have to compete against Kathy than him. This is where Matt comes up with his new "target" tactic. He tells Britney that keeping Andrew in the house essentially keeps another target around that the house will go after. It's moronic and makes very little sense. He'll continue to pitch it throughout the day to other HG's. No one really buys it and Matt is forced to rip up the "target plan" index card he pulled out of his shorts that day.

A bunch of other pre-POV Ceremony speculating goes on, but it's all pretty much the same old same old. Where does Brenchel really lie? Is Andrew with them? How will Kathy vote next week? Why is Matt's hand always down his pants? Is he digging for gold? Yadda yadd yadda fast forward to right after the POV Ceremony...

The Feeds return and we find the house stunned. I clutched my pearls and prayed that Brendon used the POV. It turns out Andrew, the dreidel meister himself, made a hell of a speech that may or may not have involved Rachel snorting fire through her nose. It's all very confusing so I leaned in close hoping I could piece together the mystery. Here's what I came up with...

Andrew gave a speech that specifically named Brendon and Rachel in some capacity. I think he said he was gunning for them and, upon hearing this, Rachel began to huff and puff and rock back and forth while making fists with her hands. Her reaction was so over the top and phony that it made the entire house question whether or not it was all a big set-up and that all along Andrew has been secretly working with Brenchel. It may not sound like that big of a deal, but, seriously, it must have been a doozy because right after all was said and done not only had Kristen firmly cemented her decision to boot Andrew, but so has Ragan! That's HUGE. If you remember, Ragan has been dead set against Kathy because she lacked a certain fire in her belly that he deems necessary to stay in the game. Ragan and all his highfalutin talk of integrity and mumbo jumbo was completely turned off by what Andrew and Rachel did in that meeting.

Conversely, Kathy gave a heartfelt and emotional speech that was authentic and genuine. She's been a fighter all her life and she's gonna continue to fight to stay in this game. She sits with Ragan in the HOH and finally we hear the real story of why she needs to stay in the Big Brother house. She's scared she might get sick again and she wants to make sure her son and mom are provided for. Apparently, the type of chemo they gave her makes her a strong candidate to now contract Leukemia. Up until right before the Molasses Have-Not competition she was still getting medicine intravenously which is why she was so bruised up. She just happened to mention in passing that her bruises had finally gone away and it was this statement alone that lit a teeny tiny ember in Ragan's heart. He wants Kathy to approach everyone and mention that no one has been more beat up in these challenges than her. He wants her to explain to everyone what a true fighter she is. All along he thought she just really didn't want to be there when, in actuality, she might want to be there more than anyone else.

OK I realize I'm getting my charming Kathy Faye all mixed up with the real Dragon Lady and that's my perogative. What I refuse to understand though is how Feedsters who so vehemently supported Matt's "My wife has a disease" lie are the same Feedsters blasting Kathy for using her own very real disease to garner sympathy votes. Uh... hypocrite much? You can't be in favor of Matt using a disease to get votes and not be in favor of Kathy doing the exact same thing! The premise is the same. One just happens to be a lie while the other is a truth. Look, make fun of Kathy all you want for smoking and drinking soda. That's fine, but don't tell me she's being weak for doing the exact same thing your precious Matt is doing. If sympathy works, use it! You use whatever you can to stay in the game. It's overwhelming the hypocrisy I see amongst fans and it really pisses me off.

While I'm good and mad, let's talk about fans calling Rachel a whore. From the behavior I've seen in the house thus far from Rachel, she is not a whore. Sure, she's annoying, repugnant, and makes me wants to strangle kittens on a daily basis, but a whore that does not make. It drives me crazy when women rush to call other women a whore just because they're hooking up and you're not. I said the same thing last year with Lydia. Sure, Jessie was gross and whatnot, but it doesn't make her a whore if she wants to hook up with him. What is it about Big Brother that turns it's fans into a bunch of puritanical radicals better suited for 1692 Salem, Massachusetts rather than the liberated 2010 we're now living in? It happens every season. Cat ladies and chat hags alike get on their moral high horses and blast young girls just trying to having fun. Look, I HATE Rachel with a burning passion that sets my loins ablaze, but I'm not gonna go and call her a whore just because she's hooking up with a guy she genuinely likes. If she gets naked and fucks Brendon violently while winking to the camera, then we'll talk, but until then you might wanna lay off the whore accusations. It only makes you look uptight and jealous.

Alright, where were we? OK so Andrew gave a moronic speech implicating Brendon and Rachel and afterwards Brendon goes around the house and still pledges to keep Andrew in the game. Uh, hello red flag! Brenchel, by reputation, are uber paranoid of anyone who might give a whisper of a hint of being after them. All of a sudden they're named loud and clear in a speech and they're suddenly alright with it? Nuh uh. Not ok. It turns out, and grab your glitter for this one, that Rachel wasn't in the know when it came to Andrew and Brendon secretly working together. *bites fist* She had no idea that it was a plan designed to throw off the other HG's. In the middle of Brendon begging Rachel for forgiveness with baby talk, he says that Andrew threw the POV competition so Brendon would win. Um, exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Andrew, while being on the block, THREW the POV comp?! Oh hell no.

Rachel clenches her teeth and purses her lips. She's furious Brendon actually thought for himself before consulting her. She tells him that she can't in good conscience vote to keep Andrew now. She's already told people she was pissed at him! Brendon grabs her hand and nuzzles her neck, "Don't doubt your man. Gosh you're so feisty." Rachel shrieks, "Feisty?!? What the hell do you mean by that?!" Brendon replies, "No baby, I meant it's cute. You're amazing. You're so great. Don't be mad." Rachel crosses her arms across her chest and pouts.

I took the break in the conversation as an opportunity to retrieve my new torture device. I ordered it online and it just arrived yesterday. I'm very excited about this one. It dates back all the way to Medieval Pillars Of The Earth times so it must be cool. What it is is a giant burlap sack filled with really pissed off rats who haven't eaten for days. I simply insert my leg into one of the holes and let the rats do their thing. It's the most effective way I could think of for not only Sepsus and Typhoid to infect me, but also the Bubonic Plague and a good healthy dose of Meningitis. From now on, anytime Brendon whines or Rachel cackles I just very simply slip an appendage inside the sack and I'm good to go.

After Andrew's stunning speech, the rest of the house is obviously in turmoil. Ragan and Kristen have vowed to save Kathy, but how are Badda-bing reacting? Well, Matt, their tiny leader, attempts to coach Andrew on how to stay in the house. He advises Captain Kosher to approach everyone and even offers up his HOH as a place to do it in. Andrew really had no plans to campaign until Tuesday or Wednesday because he thought Monday was way too early. Andrew's big gripe is that he doesn't want to be controlled. He tells Matt that he sees Kathy being controlled and he doesn't want that to happen to him. Matt corrects him and tells him that Kathy isn't being controlled at all. It's exactly the opposite. She's doing her own thing which, in essence, makes her more of a liability. Matt still very much wants Andrew to stay, but Andrew's shenanigans are making it harder and harder for Matt to legitimately defend him. Andrew's going to have to pull something stunning out of his ass to help switch the house back to his favor.

The rest of Badda-bing is leaning is towards Kathy - especially Hayden and Enzo. Lane is still running scenarios and flip flopping, but he'll most likely vote how his alliance votes. So, for the time being, it looks like Kathy will stay. However, if Andrew manages to work some magic and convince Badda-bing he's the better choice, it can all flip again. With Matt helping Andrew out, anything can happen at this point.

So, who do you guys want to stay now? Andrew with buddy boy Brendon in his corner or Kathy the chain smoking cancer survivor? Will Rachel vote with Brendon or will she vote her own conscience? Are you surprised Ragan flipped and can he flip again at this point? Would you like to reserve my rats in a sack for the next time Brenchel gets HOH? I'm taking reservations as we speak. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!


  1. Okay so I did not know about Kathy still being on meds that put her in a weaker state before entering the house. As someone with a cronic disease on constant medication I sympathize with Kathy and even respect her more for just now coming out about it. I mean I was the first to criticize when she lay motionless in the pool of carmel, had I known her circumstances I would have thought very differently. I have ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT for Matt. Making up something like that is awful and the fact that his wife went along with it is unbelievable.
    I liked Dr. Will, he told people from the start, I don't like any of you and I will lie cheat and steal to win. Now that is respectable.
    I don't think Rachel is a whore, I think she likes attention and most women feel threatend by someone living their life so loudly and getting what they want. I think Brendon would be way better off if Rachel was not there and I think she would already be gone if it was not for Brendon. They are not the next Jeff and Jordan (ahh! the days of a showmance I loved!) But I do love a good showmance and I'm happy this season has two, sadly I wish there was some good Chima Drama. (couldn't stand her, but she made for some good drama!
    Andrew will need to work some serious magic to stay! Can't wait for Wednesday's Episode!
    Am I the only one that hates how all the HGs continuously make reference to themselves as "the season" "our season" "our cast" AAAHHHHHH!!!! I don't know why it gets under my skin but it really does!

  2. I dislike matt for lying.. I dislike the way Kathy carries herself around. Its like she lost all hope to live! - with those CANCER STICKS.. Nope!

    And the statement about Rachel Maeg Made...

  3. Okay... I'm gonna get pulverized for this... but oh well.

    I cannot stand Kathy and Kristen. I don't give a shit about Kristen's socks or her fugly ass hair. I can't stand her because all she does is lay around with Kathy discussing how morally superior they are and how this game will not change them, how they can't stand catty girls. How they CANNOT be fake. They are who they are... BLAH BLAH BLAH. When Rachel was HoH, these were the 2 fuckers up her ass the most. But now that the rest of the house isn't afraid to say that B&R are the main targets... how quickly things change. I understand why Kathy flipped... she will do what she has to to stay. But it's still catty. Pot meet kettle.

    I don't give a shit about Matt or Kathy's 'illness' issues either. I won't say much about the lie as Matt's game play. Do what ya can to win. But as a person... he's a bit gross. As for Kathy... this is a game, not a charity. People gave the money to Jordan because she's a poor porker. I killed 6 bunnies that week.

    Now, if those first 2 things didn't piss you off, this surely will... I do not like Rachel or Brendon. Top be quite honest, I don't really like any of them, yet. I'm hoping that changes soon. But we'll see... Anyway... I hope Rachel or Brendon win HoH. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT THAT? Because... I'd like to see some actual drama up in this bitch. Kathy or Andrew may go home this week. OH NO. Who the hell cares. I want Brendon to win HoH. I want him to put Kristen and Lane on the block and I want Hayden to win the PoV. Kristen and Lane would actually have to play the game... Hayden would have to choose between his girlfriend and his boyfriends... and I would actually look forward to wacthing it. I don't like people. I like drama. The end.

  4. You know, I really wanted to see Rachel evicted next week, so that we don't have to keep seeing her in the jury house. But they seem intent on taking Brendon out first, so in trying to come to terms with that, I think I've become sold on the idea of Brendon leaving next week and Rachel going to sequester. She'll take the first train to Crazytown, and it'll be too delicious watching her waiting by the door every week for Brendon. I just hope no one fucks up this week and lets either of them win HOH, OR nominates the wrong people. (Lookin' at you, Matt.)

  5. Oh, and one more thing....anyone who deliberately throws a POV competition while they're on the block is a complete moron and should be wearing a helmet.

  6. Here's the deal - Andrew has to go! He's got olive trees in Israel to plant and prayers to learn. He's weird, fanatical and he's a wild card. All Matt's hemming and hawing is highly suspicious and illogical. For a self-described Mensa member he is a moron. I'm beginning to like Britany and Enzo. Hayden and Kristen are coming around too. We need to rid the house of Brandon and Rachel at the next possible moment and we'll regroup after that.

  7. Just found your blog and LOVE IT! I hate that Matt lies about his wife having an illness. Karma baby.

  8. i love the thought of kathy faye as both a bootlegger and a deputy sheriff. i was trying to think of her arch nemesis, and realized she's her own arch nemesis.

  9. Kathy is so terribly annoying in a clawing way, she doesnt let up, she doesnt trust the one person who has had her back the whole time (Rachel), and she is weak and whiny. Her sob stories to Ragan, Kristen, and Britney, then coming back to them multiple times is beyond annoying. Get rid of her now or we'll be stuck with her till F3 like Sheila or Jerry.

    Andrew has tons of drama potential. Keep him in there being strange. Even if he does side w/Brenchel. He is such a different type of HG than has ever bee cast, so keep him in there a few more weeks. But he needs to start working. And stop the theatrics.

    So, for what little hope have for drama and comeuppance for the likes of Matt, Kathy, Ragan, and Kristin who espouse for hours and hours about how much better they are than everyone (except when Rachel was HOH, they were BFFs then), I want t see Brendon win hoh or maybe even Andew... if he stays. Something has got to stir these assholes up, someone has got to figure out Ragan and Matt and Kathy are playing EVERYONE. Otherwise this season will just get more and more dull.

  10. THANK YOU for the comment about Rachel being called a whore. Imma need folks to look up the definition of whore, slut, etc. She's not a whore. AND while we're on that kick why is it the girl that's the whore? If the guy is participating, why don't we call him a whore too? Just sayin'

    And if Kathy is still getting chemo -- in the friggin' house mind you-- why is she sucking on cancer sticks. I don't want to be judgmental but come on. Put the ciggies down.

    It saddens me that even the drama bores me a little this season. I'm hoping we're starting to see cracks in the Brenchel alliance. It would make my day to watch that crash and burn.

    Oh and please tell me Britney and Rachel aren't really friends. I don't want the fabulous DR sessions to end!

    Great blog - as always.

  11. I must vehemently disagree with comparing Matt and Kathy's illness stories...and here's why:

    Kathy's cancer is an actual real thing. Talking about a real event in your life is natural. Talking about having and getting treatment for cancer, to a group of people you are living with, is normal.

    I know if I was in that situation, I would be talking about my daughter, and cystic fibrosis, and I wouldn't feel like I was asking for sympathy. It is a big deal in my life, and I generally talk about it often.

    Matt's lie offends me for one simple reason...it is a lie. And, I've gone back and watched that episode in the diary room, and it just came across to me that he was gleefully laughing about the lie and the disease. It is just offensive to take someone else's tragedy as your own, and be happy about it.

  12. Ideal scenario for Andrew would be for him to go to Hayden and Kristen (since he's the only one that is 100% certain of their showmance) and tell them "either vote for me to stay and convince your friends to do the same or on the way out, I tell everyone about you guys and put a huge target on your backs".

    That's what I'd do anyways. Win-win... either Andrew stays or he stirs up BIG drama on the way out! LOL

  13. I am having a real hard time finding anyone that I really like in this cast. So many of them are lack luster. It seems to me that they are more concerned with how they look to America and what, if any fame they will get as a result of being on BB12. The baddabing have no game, and most no personality. I have to say the only one who makes me laugh is Britney and occasionally Enzo, but I find that I am laughing at him and not with him... The B/R shomance is a bit disturbing.. I am amazed that R still can't get why they are targets.. Surely being in the house and veiing the house guests are totally different. ( I know I could never do this..) but I wonder if AG is quetioning this seasons casting.. maybe it's the planetary aligment of the up coming 2012 that is affecting the house guests ;) lol... and yet I am mobidly fascinated by them and can't stop watching..
    Thanks for a great blog.. makes my day.. still waiting on news from Mr. O'S.. has he returned with your goodies? Could help out with your Pillers of the Earth.. coz' you will me using it alot!

  14. I never pictured Ragan as one to switch positions. Personally i can only see him sticking to one...

  15. You defending Rachel was sooooo weird. That's kinda why I like her, because she is the underdog type. EVERYONE hates her...so i tend to like people people hate...especially when their is no real reason to hate them...
    EVERYONE is annoying in that house in some way...even Ragan is annoying me. And i'm liking Britney more!
    I loved that Brendon and Rachel fight...he is SUCH a Pussy. I hope you talk about that one!

  16. Great blog Lala, hope all is well.

    I wrote the sermon Sunday about "morality" so obviously I loved your "whore" comments. Americans are so pious and morally uptight they can't even enjoy their guilty summer pleasures without moralizing about it...take the summer off Christians!

    Discover the pleasures of Meth and sodomy like Reverend Haggard...or just enjoy Big Brother and shut up about who's a whore.


  17. I wasn't defending Rachel at all. Just wait for today's blog. Bitch is going down.

  18. So in other words Ragan is a bottom. He's not VERSATILE. I wonder if ya'all get that one lol