Here's Squirrelly!

As long as she continues to breathe, I continue to be pissed off. Every time her mouth opens the poor frightened wildlife run for cover and the eco system suffers. We've already talked about how the butterflies sizzle, but have we discussed how the squirrel population has turned deadly? Prior to BB12 the California Ground Squirrel's scariest enemy was the rattlesnake. Mr. Squirrel would be skittering about gathering his nuts, stealing bird seed, and whatnot when Mr. Rattlesnake would slither up and chomp on that squirrel's ass like the Ragamuffin chomps on toffee. It's not pretty. It's sad and miserable to watch. Ever since that thing Rachel landed in California the squirrel now has a new enemy. She doesn't outright bite or chew on squirrelly innards. No, what she does is much more evil. She opens her mouth and speaks. Mr. Squirrel hears it, cocks his head to the side, and marches back to his tree with a score to settle. His little furry squirrel family is all excited to see him when he returns. They chirp and cluck or make whatever noise it is a squirrel makes. Mr. Squirrel smiles at his loving family and then... oh god it's horrible... and then he bites off all their heads. It's like The Shining for rodents. Very disturbing. *sigh* That's the power she has though. Rachel Reilly has the "gift" to incite a murderous rage in all who hear her voice. Personally, I'm thinking about never leaving my house for the next 6 weeks. It's not safe out there. I'm not safe. Let's recap, shall we?

The day began with Kristen, bless her heart, continuing her fearless efforts to say in the Big Brother house. She's trapped in a hot horrifying wig yet she marches on. She thinks she's beginning to sway people and if it weren't for that damn useless Brigade her efforts might actually be fruitful. One person she's kind of managed to sway is Ragan. Ragan's not stupid (sure, he's annoying and has diarrhea of the mouth, but I wouldn't call him stupid). He sees the guys and Britney hanging out all the time. He sees that they never mingle with the rest of the house. They're certainly not up in the HOH chatting with the devil twins so clearly, they must be in an alliance. The idea of 4 strong men in an alliance makes our little Ragan a tad nervous and rightly so. They have the numbers to vote him out when that day arrives when he's finally on the block. In an effort to thwart the Brigade using it's power in the future, Ragan decides to go to Rachel *shiver* and tries to get her to see what's right before her eyes.

Ragan is in the HOH telling Rachel that all she needs to do is go outside and take a look around. All of the house alliances will pretty much reveal themselves if she just does that one simple thing. He cautions that she should really think about all that sees before she decides who should stay in this game: Hayden or Kristen. He also warns by asking her, "Who's poised to win HOH next week?" Chances are it'll be someone new, someone physically fit, and someone strong. He's all but drawing a flow chart with giant Brigade heads and arrows pointing at them saying "These guys are TOGETHER. They WILL vote you out!".

How does Rachel react to this remarkably accurate information? She summons her Bitch Boy and tells him that he thinks Ragan and Matt will vote Kristen to stay just to fuck with her game. Everything is "me, me, me" with this ugly bitch. She's so jealous of Kristen that she can't even see what's right before her eyes: a house that hates her with a burning passion. Rachel decided then and there that she cannot trust Ragan anymore. God, she's an idiot. All the guy was doing was trying to warn her and give her some good advice, but fucking duck lipped Rachel can't handle the fact that Kristen is better than her in every way. How do you think Rachel decides to deal with the cornucopia of secrets that Ragan has given her? She decides to tell Hayden that Kristen is campaigning against him with a fierce vengeance. She wants Hayden to think that Kristen doesn't really care for him at all. No, you fucking moron. They care for each other. They're just not emotional wet mops like you and your herpified slave.

So some time passes and the HG's are laying out, working out, etc. Rachel falls asleep outside and Kristen sees this as her chance to finally talk to Brendon. She makes her way upstairs to the HOH and begins her pitch. She begins by telling Brendon that he needs to think for himself in this game. The time will come when Rachel isn't there and he needs to have a back-up plan ready to go. She tells him that keeping Hayden in the game is a huge risk on Brendon's part because Hayden has a built-in alliance with 4 strong guys. On the other hand, the only person Kristen really has is Kathy. Between the two, Hayden and his band of brothers are far more threatening than Kathy the Marlboro queen. It ends with Kristen promising she won't go after Brendon. Instead of absorbing this information and really thinking about it, Brendon dons some silk eye shades, sucks his thumb, and settles in for a cozy little nap. You're so hardcore Brendon.

After her talk with Brendon, Kristen once again meets with Ragan. She tells him she thinks the votes will be much closer than 6-1. She thinks they could be as close as 4-3. Ragan isn't so sure and asks her who she has already. Kristen says she has Kathy, Ragan, Britney and possibly Lane, Matt, or Brendon. Ragan tells her not to count on Lane at all. He hints to her about the Brigade yet again. In response, Kristen just doesn't understand how the house would vote to keep 4 strong men together. I don't either Kristen. I don't either.

Later, up in the HOH Brendon is recapping his meeting with Kristen to Rachel. Rachel is furious that Kristen went up to the HOH to talk with Bitch Boy alone. She's shrieking and shouting about Kristen being unbelievable when all Brendon is trying to do is get a word in edgewise. It was the single most insane conversation I've ever heard. Hyena simply refused to hear anything Brendon was trying to tell her. The conversation went something like this:

Bitch Boy: Kristen was up here talking to me.

Hyena Fuckface: She was trying to blow you?!?

B.B.: Nooooo *sucks thumb* she wanted to talk to me.

H.F.: She touched your winky?!?

B.B.: Noooo. She said that keeping Hayden is risky because he has a big strong man alliance.

H.F.: She called you a big strong man and wanted to dance?!? I'll kill her!!!

B.B.: *sigh* Nooooo. She said that all she has in the house is Kathy.

H.F.: She asked you to have a menage a trois with Kathy?!? I'm gonna poke her eyes out with scissors!!!

B.B.: She told me to play this game for me. *begins to braid Hyena Fuckface's hair*

H.F.: She told you masturbate in front of her?!? I swear to god I'm gonna rip her limb from limb!!!

B.B.: And then she sat on the bed...

H.F.: SHE DID WHAT?!? *head begins to spin around*

B.B.: *giggles* I'm just kidding. *guffaws*

H.F.: *whines* Brendooooooooooon

B.B: You're so feisty.

H.F.: I'm NOT jealous! *fangs hang out and drool drips down her face*

B.B. You're my feisty redhead. *coos*

H.F.: I TOLD YOU I'M NOT JEALOUS!!!!!! *spits on the wall*

B.B.: You're so cute.

H.F.: Brendoooooooooon

Then they fall on the bed and make out. It was really gross. I puked three times.

Well, I'm gonna have to end it here for today kids. Sorry this is so short, but I wanted to get something up. I've got some shit to do and the faster I get the hell that is my life in order, the faster I can blog like a normal person.

So, how do you think the votes will go? Will Britney vote to keep Kristen? Will Rachel ever wash her hair? Can the poor California Ground Squirrel survive the summer? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!