Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hey HEY Heeeyyy!!!


What I'm about to do is the bravest thing anyone anywhere has ever done. I may not return from where I'm about to go or I may return slightly disshevelled and with a half a brain. I do not know. What I do know is that I do this for you, my lovely readers. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I'm nauseous, but I feel like this must be done. If I don't make it back, I thank you all. I thank you for visiting everyday. I thank you for commenting. I thank you for donating. I thank you for yelling at me and telling me to get a life. Thank you. *takes a deep breath* Now, it's time. Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to step into the alcohol and red dye saturated mind of one Miss Rachel Reilly. *plugs nose and jumps in* Let's recap, shall we?

Hey HEY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!!! OMG you guys! VEGAS won Her seCOND HOH!!! It's SO CRaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaZY!!! I didn't think I was gonna win Y'all, but I pulled thru and did it for me and my man. That BITCH Kristen kept coming after me and I was like, "Uh whatever! Step off on Vegas beeeyotch!" LULZ No one comes between me and my man! YAY for meeeee!!! I'm soOOO Vegas!!


THis HOH was SO diffrent for me. I decided to make it all about POWER MOVES and sex. YAY! Whenever I drink I looooooooooove to have sex. Brendooooon gets on top of me and for like 3 WHOLE minutes we make some beautiful love y'all. Afterwards he cries and its' like SO cute. He keeeeeeeeeps me SO happy. Sometimes he says things that like make me mad and when he does that i like just stare at him because I no that if i say something i'm gonna bite off his head. He's learnign tho. He nose that you CAN'T STOP VEGAS y'all!!! Wut wut! Ohmigod are there like posters of me up in Las vegas now? they'll be changing there slogan to "Whatever happens in Rachel STAYS in Rachel" HAHA!


imma gonna get rid of ALL the floaters. GRAB YOUR LIFEVESTS - I made that up NOT janelle - cuz I'm coming after y'all! That bitch Kristen with her perfect body and perfect skin makes me SOoo crazy inside. I neeeeed to get her out of this house because I waNT to BE the LAST girl. I voted Annie out. I got rid of Monet and I'm now I'm sending that bitch Kristen home. DId you no she came up to MY room and tried to talk to MY man? Who the HELL does she think she is? Like my man woudl EVER want to be with HER! She doesn't have the oozy red suckers that I have on my hoo ha. Thats how we roll in Vegas y'all.





This week was all about me being SO feisty & fierce. My booboo Brendon told me that's what I am. Did you no that my man Brendon can make the most beautiful macaroni art? He MADE one of me getting mad at that BITCH Kristen and it was like sSO amazing. I put it up in the bathroom so I can look at it all the time cuz that's like where I am for like 5 hours a day. Big brotha shoudl relly get me some gas-x up in this hizzy yall. it's not liek i'm on slop or anything. maybe its the olive oil my man brendon uses to cook with. He's SUCH a good cook. Just yesterday he made stuffed peppers filled with taco meat and i don't no why but no one wanted to eat them. Theyre just jealous that my man brendon is SO creative. Maybe one day he'll paint using his own tears. Ther's like enuff of them to paint a ceiling or something. YAY!




SO hayden & kristen tried to make a deal with me and my man but I dont TRUST that BITCH so she's like going home tonite and it like totally sucks she cant even play good enuff to get to the jury house. i dont no why Hayden lieks her. Shes not even a good strong player like me and my man. So anyways they tried to make a deal with me and my man cuz there butts were on the line and their was KNOW WAY i was gonna take it. Im KNOW dummy. I no that their was know way theyd put up there friends and backstab Enzo or Lane. i tolled Hayden to make a deal with Britney and like HE DID. YIKES its scary how easy he can be controlled. I'm SO glad my man brendon isn't like that. So like Britney didn't use the veto - YAY - so now that BITCH kirsten is like campaigning against Hayden and she really needs to reread the BB manual or soemthing cuz like she literally sucks. How can you even go against someone you like in this game? my man brendon LOVES me. he's NEVER go against me or try to get me out. OBVI!!!


(Image via onlinebigbrother.com)


Britney is like relly smart. She does everything i say and last night we took a bath together and it was SO awesome. We were talking about that BITCH kristen. We did mud masks and evrything! I didn't tell Britney they were made out of my poo. I had too much and I coudlnt' hide it in the toilets anymore so I had my man brendon whip up some poo, coffee, chocolate and mud and make me a mask. I dont' think he new we were gonna put the masks on our faces cuz as soon as he saw us he squealed. It was like SO cute. Just the other day he made a shirt out of tassles and pipe cleaners and it was like SO european. i'm sure europe is gonna call my man brendon and ask him to make shirts for them.



You no who else i relly don't like? Matt. I don't trust him. I tolled Britney that my man brendon is gonna put him on the block cuz he wouldn't make another deal with us and thats like shady. i thought he might be an alli for us but i'm pretty sure he's in an ALLIANCE with Ragan. I also don't like how Ragan wanted me to keep that bitch Kristen. You're either with me or against me. I just made that up yall. I'm SO vegas! I just no america is like "Go Vegas! We luv yOU!" LULZ I love you two you guys. It's like seriously literally SO hard in here. I'm like playing four you all and I can't wait to meat my fans HAHA.


This game is only gonna get harder and my man brendon and I r gonna like have to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. I really hope britney isn't like playing us like everyone else is in this game. Shes a good person to get infomation out of. she spies four us and tells us what those floaters lane and enzo are up to. i just really don't like floaters. If they don't swim their gonna like totally sink. i have the BEST one liners y'all! HAHA! I'm sure that like CBS is SO obsessed with me and my man Brendon.

(Image via onlinebigbrother.com)


Yesterday I got my HOH camera and RAgan was like SO funny. I tolled him to put my extensions on cuz I want everyone in this house to no what it feels like to be ME - AWESOME!!! So he put on my extensions and it was like hilarious. I don't know why he was laughing all crazy and talkign weird tho. I'm like so not like that. LULZ!! I took videos of him too but it used up all the memory in the camera and I couldn't take any more pitchers. Oh well... I really don't care. Everyone else in this house is like totally after me and my man brendon so i don't want their faces in MY camera anyways. Oh my GOD you no what i love too do? I LOVE making kissy faces at the camera! HAHA! I really do it cuz my lips are kinda like a deformed big bird but i squench them up they look like SO sexy. HAHA


So the plan for this weeks is for my man Brendon to win the HOH. I'm gonna cheer for him SO much today. I say things like "Go Brendoooooooon! YOu can do it!!!". I think he likes it. He better like it. Then when he wins we're gonna nominate Matt and maybe kathy or ragan. i don't know yet. I really don't like the floaters like ragan and kathy, but i REALLY don't trust matt. basically the only person that'll be safe is Britney and maybe Enzo. My man brendon is becoming really good firends with Enzo. they sit outside and brendon talks to him for like hours. enzo closes his eyes and put his hat over his head when he's talking to brendon. I think he totally does it to really concentrate on what brendon is saying.


Soooo that's like literally all that's going on. I'm totally playing this game SO hard and FIGHTING every minute of every day. i don't even have time to take a shower or wash my hair cuz I'm ALWAYS fighting. If I stop to clean myself up then like people could start beating us or something. I think my poo mud mask and strategy baths with Britney are enuff to keep me fresh. Brendon doesn't care. He LOVES me. I totally know we're the next Jeff & Jordan. WuT! Wut! See ya'll on the Amazing Race!!! And I have to thank my family like SO much for sending me all the letters I wrote to myself before I left for Big Brother. I no i'm making you proud by having drunk sex with my BOYFRIEND every night. I'm SO blessed to be here and I really APPRICIATE your support - even my haters. HAHA!


So who do you guys think will win HOH tonight? Will you watch if Brendon wins? Do I have to watch if Brendon wins? Will you cry with me when Kristen leaves tonight? Will Strunk & White ever forgive me for what I've just done? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

30 comments:

  1. *Breathes heavily* Am I out? Is it over? It's like I could feel the bitch clawing at my very soul. I can still hear her cackling at me, reminding me that she is never far away if I'm watching CBS. Go away you screeching harlot! I just don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. Maybe never again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LaLa, I can't express how fortunate I feel to be able to read this blog. And knowing one day perhaps H.F will read it, makes me tear up with joy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't know it was possible to channel someone who is still alive. I bow to your brilliance.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am already preparing myself for a Brendon victory. That way, if he wins, I'll expect it. If he loses, I'll celebrate.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Spooky! It's as if you crawled inside her head. You poor poor girl. It must have been dark and windy in there. A lot of Rachel memorabilia and a seething swamp of dislike for the fair Kristen.
    Ava

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow. Talk about lazy. I can't believe you copied and pasted Rachel's actual HoH blog.

    Seriously, without exaggeration, reading her "writing" makes my head hurt. I mean I can only imagine that all that vital Chemistry info that she's using in her cocktail waitress/escort career took up too much room in her head to be able to keep straight things like there/their/they're and than/then. If someone besides Brendon wins HoH tonight, and she's not gone this week.....well, honestly it would be even more boring, but at least her ego would stop getting fed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. How much gin and pharmaceuticals did you have to consume in order to do this and will you ever be the same again? I will cast some spells for your recovery and for anyone but Brenda to win hoh tonight.

    Becca

    ReplyDelete
  8. That was some scary stuff there!

    And yes, it's okay if you don't watch if Brendon wins b/c I won't either. Actually, scratch that - you do need to watch b/c then my only source for updates will be this blog. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ok, so I read you brilliant blog first, then read the REaL blog. You were kind.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Seriously, if Brendon, the moron, wins HOH tonight I am going to slit my wrists.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Best. Blog. Ever.

    How does this girl fancy herself to be a genius chemist when she is unable to grasp the simple concept of homophones and homonyms?

    My hope for tonight is that we get an HOH who will put Brenchel on the block. As much as the sound of Rachel's voice makes me want to gouge out my eardrums with a butter knife, I would love to see Brendon sent home so that I can watch that twat-waffle fall apart, after he walks out the door.

    I am preparing myself for tonight's eviction, when I am sure, once again, Rachel's goodbye message will include her catchphrase "you thought you could come between me and my man, you are WRONG.".

    Now I am going to go pray to the magic ping pong ball that Hayden gets the HOH and Brenden and Rachel can feel the burn....aside from the burn they feel when they pee.

    ReplyDelete
  12. The sad thing is, that's disturbingly accurate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am so indifferent about this season and everyone on it... now I just kinda wanna see Brendon win HoH tonite just because...well A.) Rachel will be safe and ya know I'm liking her... and B.) I love the blog so much more when you are pissed as shit. Sorry if your head actually DOES wind up exploding...but how lame would a happy bitchy blog be?
    Mwahahahaaa!!
    Jo (Pretty Plain)

    ReplyDelete
  14. WOW...
    Girl, you are truly unique!!!
    Love ya and your blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I happen to like Brandon and Rachel. I hope they make it to the end.I think Kristen will go tonight, but I wish it would be Hayden. I want to break up that "Brigade",because once they get a hold on the HOH, they are going to take out everyone.GO Brandon... win that HOH!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Holy Shite, I weep for the country. You mean to tell me that that red-headed tramp has a proper college degree? Somewhere in North Carolina a professor has red stains on his balls!!!
    Cheers, Sausage.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Obvi, we all love this blog...it's just so, well ritten.

    I had to use my old sped redding classes just to make it thru.

    Is clown-headed Vegas ho's stupidity catching??? Like herpes, or clamidia?

    Lala...stop now!!! You'll be ok, I just know you can recover...take a deep breath, drink some gin, it'll all get better soon!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Brill yet again Col. Words cannot describe the depth and breadth of the hate I have for this red headed mess. The only good thing I can say about her is that one day, she will die.
    If Brenda wins HOH, I will need to be medicated...or shot.
    Love ya,
    Herd

    ReplyDelete
  19. jAyMEs BoDn xxxxooooAugust 5, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    You should do all of the HoH blogs, Lala. At east yours are intentionally funny and not painful to read.

    ReplyDelete
  20. OMG! You are hilarious ... and again Dead ON! I didn't know you had channeling ability!!

    I'll be crying with you when Kristen goes ... maybe CBS will throw a twist in and save her ... let me dream a little ...

    Great Blog ... I check here everyday. You really are a fantastic writer!!

    Mizz Laveau (I didn't get the eye of newt in time ...LOL!)

    ReplyDelete
  21. PS - Only just notice the "reaction buttons" at the bottom of the posts. That's awesome!
    prettyplainjo

    ReplyDelete
  22. BRENDON WILL NOT BE HOH!!! HE FELL OFF!

    ReplyDelete
  23. You, my darling Lala, have missed your calling. Imagine what you could do if you used your powers for good catching serial killers for the FBI.

    Delving into the darkest recesses of animals who hack little children to pieces would be a welcome relief to having channel Rachel.

    I hope the abyss didn't swallow you, because I would miss you way too much.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Disturbingly accurate.

    God. I can't stand that girl. THANK GOD Brendon didn't win. The gremlin better redeem himself this week.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love your blogs Lala! This is the second season I've been reading and they just keep getting better and better. However, when I read today's entry I thought it was only semi funny...that is until I actually read Rachel's HOH blog. Well wait, scratch that, I only got through the first two paragraphs before I just couldn't take it anymore. (She really truly is a self obsessed ignorant bimbo.) So after reading THAT gibberish that constitutes the inner workings of HF's pea sized brain *shudder* your blogs really are absolute genius and I can't get enough. I am sorry for jumping the gun and doubting your brilliance. Please continue being your fabulous bitchy self. Here's to hoping Rachel starts leaking toxic red dye from her implants and has to be forcefully removed from BB *crosses fingers*
    -Mandi, Reno NV

    ReplyDelete
  26. FUCK!!!!! Brit just called Kathy the crazycatlady. My name is meant to be entirely ironic, just so you know.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Prediction: Rachael believes Brendon is leaving before her, so she is laying the seeds to get rid of him. I think she is going to break it off with him soon. Hopefully, she goes this week.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Geez my head is still hurting from that one, but againg hit the nail on the head. Great Job.

    ReplyDelete
  29. you should be arrested for plagorizing rachel's blog.....teeheee

    ....rachel is pathetic...did anyone else notice how she sat all quiet in the hoh waiting for julie to speak to her, then once she KNEW the camera was on (live)...she got all animated and giggly....she needs to go away, if for nothing else to help my ears to stop bleeding...when she called julie "hey, girlfriend" i started banging my head on the table....and her goodbye msg to kristen, ughhhhh....
    ...anyway, matt having hoh does not thrill me, but i do hope he changes his target from brenden to rachel....let's just hope he follows thru ...he is an idiotic not diabolical genius...so its a toss up..... as for the pandora's box, i dont think matt will take it, UNLESS he is strong-armed by the dr.....let's hope for a shake up/melt down of chima proportions...rachel on the block with her man just might do it....fingers crossed!
    ...as always, thanks for the laughs, ur the best!

    ReplyDelete