Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Beef Stew

The sun's gone dim,
And the moon's gone black
For I loved [her],
And [she] didn't love back.
- Dorothy Parker

Unrequited love. Life's greatest disappointment. Life's one-sided melodrama that consumes your days and nights. You stew in it, wallow in it. You get your hands all pruney from it. Eventually, there you are, wrinkled and alone. Confused. Battered. Bruised. It'll beat you up, this longing. It'll turn your life upside down without even laying a finger on you. When you've gone through all the pining and the scratching, when you're a sad and lonely jumbled mess, the only thing left to do is pick yourself up, brush yourself up and seek the only thing that will ease your broken heart... REVENGE. Callous and twisted bloodthirsty revenge. How sweet it is! Let's recap, shall we?

We begin the day bright and early with Frankie and Christine in the bathroom wiping the sleep from their eyes and preparing to endure another day in this house of horrors. Before the others wake and start their day, Frankie whispers to Christine that someone (it's very hard to hear) said that Diva (Devin) is more Amber's type than Caleb's. Christine gasps and covers her mouth before the both of them double over and burst into a fit of giggles. Others HG's begin to trickle into the bathroom so the duo in red head outside to continue their conversation.

Frankie tells Christine that this Amber drama is so insane that Caleb now wants a smaller alliance WITHOUT Diva and Amber in it. Again, the two double over, grab their sides, and giggle. Through the laughter, Christine says, "This is working out so beautifully!" Frankie giggles and says that all of the dumb jocks in the house have basically given both him and Christine all the info they need to destroy each and every one of them.

Frankie continues and tells Christine how Diva was the one who told Caleb about Amber liking him more. After Caleb told Frankie all about it, Frankie asked Caleb, "Don't you think it's weird that Diva told you all of this after nominations?" Christine then asks Frankie what Caleb says and Frankie, in his best southern drawl, replies, "He was like, 'Dayummm!'" The two burst into giggles again and I have to admit, I was chuckling a great deal too.

Frankie then tells Christine that he's doing his best to make sure that Caleb doesn't blow up yet. He says that Diva, too, is hard at work on damage control. Frankie then pauses and shakes his head. He says he can't believe Diva even told Caleb in the first place. He wonders aloud what could have possibly possessed him to share that information. Christine replies, "It's because he's so prideful." Frankie says that is exactly what it is. Frankie then tells Christine that Diva said he probably wouldn't even date Amber anyways because she's not a white girl. Christine replies, "What a dick!"

The subject then turns to Brittany who is quickly becoming the next target in the house. Frankie says that Brittany showed all of her cards last night and that she is incredibly good at manipulating people. He says that he let her manipulate him as well so he could find out what she was up to. It turns out that she is still on the Diva rampage which is good for Frankie and Christine because Caleb is too!

Caleb's new smaller alliance consists of Caleb, Frankie, Derrick, Hayden and Christine. Christine wonders where the hell Hayden came from to be included, but is also stunned to hear that she's even a part of it. Frankie tells her that he got her in. She then thanks Frankie and tells him that he's the best person on the planet.

Armed with all of this new information, Christine really wants to win HOH this week. She didn't want to before because she was scared to step on Caleb's toes and go against him or anger him. But now, she can totally win, put up Diva, and Caleb will be fine with it. Frankie agrees and says that it's totally cool for anyone to win HOH now because everyone hates Diva. Both of them then agree that they don't want Diva anywhere near the Jury House. Frankie doesn't like the idea of Diva speaking for him in any way, shape or form. Frankie then mentions how Brittany, apparently, wants to go home before Jury so she can see her babies, but that Caleb doesn't want to send her home yet because of Amber (I have no idea what this means). Neither Frankie or Christine have any info on Jocasta, but they decide that it might be fun to have her be the one to get rid of Diva. She can tell him, "You gots to go because you... is a lunatic!"

The rest of the morning crawls on which not much going on at all. Caleb gets his HOH camera and the house takes pictures that I have no idea who actually goes and looks at, but whatever.

Later we find Caleb and Nicole sitting together. Caleb is doing what Caleb does best and that would be - obsessing about Amber. Ever since Diva said what he did last night, Caleb has been stewing and stewing all day long. Caleb tells Nicole that he heard that Amber has been making comments about how she wishes people would stop talking about her and Caleb because she doesn't like him like that. He tells Nicole how Amber was saying that Caleb is all about himself and not anyone else. Nicole replies that it could all be hearsay and that he needs to be careful trusting people, especially Diva. Caleb tells her that everyone has been saying it so it must be true. Caleb then says that he doesn't think he's all about himself. He says that Amber just hasn't taken the time to know him. It is at this point where Nicole has lost total interest in the Amber drama and turns her attention to the camera across the yard. She starts shouting to whomever has the camera saying she wants a picture of her taken. Caleb is visibly annoyed that all of Nicole's attention isn't on him and that she's not as traumatized by Amber as he is. This will be a recurring thing... wait for it.

Frankie then goes over to where Caleb and Nicole are sitting and starts to take selfies with Nicole. Eventually, Nicole leaves with the camera and now Frankie is trapped. Caleb mumbles how every time he looks at Amber he gets pissed off. He says he can't stand people talking about him especially when he can't do anything about it. Frankie gently suggests that maybe Caleb should go talk to Amber, but Caleb says he has no desire to speak to her. It should also be known that even though Caleb is relatively calm, his foot keeps jostling and his abs are so tense that you know, you just know, that he is constantly fighting against that urge to go ape shit on everyone.

Caleb then wonders if maybe Amber's period is messing with her mood. Frankie then tells Caleb that he has to take everything he hears in the house with a grain of salt. Frankie says that the only think Caleb can trust is his gut. Frankie asks, "What is your gut telling you?" Caleb replies, "You don't want to know what my gut is saying." *bites fist* And even though Caleb advises against sharing what his gut is saying, he does it anyways. He tells Frankie that his gut says to get up, go over to everyone and asks them to raise their hand if they think Caleb is full of himself. When Amber doesn't raise her hand, he'll asks her why not since she's been telling the house the exact opposite. (It's a little nuts, but Caleb is more upset over people thinking he's a narcissistic asshole than he is over Amber not loving him)

Caleb's feet continue to shake and his entire body tenses up as he says it infuriates him that he can't do anything about Amber because she's in his alliance. He can't believe that she's using him to take her to the end. Caleb says that he has been nothing but nice to that girl and all he got out of it was a date to a fake prom. He says that from now on he's not going to do anything nice for her anymore. He vows never to make her ice cream again!

Perhaps too hot from the midday sun or maybe exhausted from listening to Caleb go on and on about Amber, Frankie seeks refuge inside where he runs into Cody. Immediately, he starts waving his hands this way and that telling Cody that things are totally falling apart now because of what Diva did to Caleb. Cody, the innocent clueless lad, is stunned to hear about the Caleb/Diva convo from last night. He is especially shocked because Caleb has been acting like everything is cool around him. Cody then decides that Caleb must be putting up a front by making things look better than they are in an effort to protect his ego. Frankie sighs and asks out loud, why can't they just be calm, cool, and collected?! The two agree that Caleb is not good at all right now. He is 100% not OK.

Fast forwarding to a little bit later, we find Caleb, Zach and Christine in the Hive. The three are talking about keeping Payola (Paola) because she's so weak and will never win HOH. And then it happens. Caleb changes the subject and says, "I'm not going to name any names, but there's a girl in this house and..." And then, right at that perfect moment, right when Caleb is about to once again spill his ooey gooey guts about Amber, a psychotic new HG named Alex (Joey dressed up like a homeless person) enters the room and starts screaming at the top of her lungs how she should stay in the house. Honestly, I didn't give two shits about Joey/Alex, I was more focused on the frustration on Caleb's face at being interrupted yet again. No once cares about his Amber stories and it's pretty funny.

BUT as soon as Joey/Alex leaves the room, Caleb doesn't miss a beat and picks up right where he left off. He says he hates it when this "anonymous girl" says, "I'll take you to the end if you take me to the end." What in the sam hell is he talking about? It's like with every repetition of the story, new plot points pop up out of nowhere. Christine and Zach listen to all of this and politely nod. Caleb repeats how he can't stand it when people use him to get to the end. Caleb then says that their alliance needs to tighten up. And just as he's about to say how he wants Diva and Amber out of the alliance, Joey/Alex starts screaming so loud that the conversation is once again abruptly interrupted. *doubles over laughing*

Zach uses the chaos as an opportunity to escape so he heads outside for an important meeting with Derrick. OK so Zach and Derrick have a secret 5 person alliance and they can't let anybody know about it at all. Zach and Derrick agree that they both need to lay low and appear not to be making any moves at all. They'll let everyone else self destruct just like Joey is doing right now. Zach then says that he hopes Diva goes home next. He says he can't stand the guy, but he's been sucking his dick everyday and telling him he's the man. That Zach definitely has a way with words.

Zach and Derrick say that they will do whatever they need to do to keep the targets off of their backs. They say that if Caleb wants to know who is the one doing all the talking and stirring shit up, they'll let him know that it's Frankie. Zach then gets excited over the fact that he can't wait to tell Donny about how it was all Diva's plan to get rid of him. Both Zach and Derrick like Donny and are looking forward to outing that jerk Diva to him.

Then Cody joins them on the hammock and starts swinging and swinging back and forth like a child who's missed his Ritalin dose. As Cody ties his shoes to work out, Zach and Derrick quickly fill him in on all the Amber developments and how Caleb is now saying that Amber is using him. Zach says that when they were in the Hive just now, Christine had walked in and said point blank, "I hear the plan is to get rid of Diva now." Zach says Christine almost blew up the whole alliance and screwed everything up. I'm a little confused about this, but I think Christine isn't supposed to know she's in the new alliance yet. I know, I know, it doesn't make any sense. Zach continues and says that Caleb stared straight at Christine and Christine's face went completely white. She tried to cover it up, but Zach can't believe what a dumb ass she was.

Derrick then chimes in and says that the 3 of them need to be en pointe all the time. None of them have any reason to open their mouths unless they're playing pool or something. Cody mumbles something about it being just them 3 - I kind of think Cody is the ditz of the group who just says stuff that he thinks sounds right. Derrick and Zach continue and say that if Frankie wants to talk, let him talk. Derrick is pretty sure that Frankie is getting ready to jump ship anyways. Interesting.

Alright so this is where I've got to end this today. Everyone expected Caleb to lose his shit yesterday, but he never did. He's close though. He is very very close. Tomorrow is my blogging day off, but if he shoots up the house or takes Amber hostage, I'll definitely pop in and do an update. Fingers crossed!

Count on Joey going home this week and everyone fighting to win HOH. You know that tricky trickster Big Brother would love nothing more than to have Diva win HOH - and screw things up! - so I wouldn't be surprised if the HOH comp is baseball themed.

I'll be back Friday the 4th of July with an update of Thursday night's shenanigans. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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  1. Funny stuff Lala

    Some of the guys (CalebMarie, Diva, Flunkie and Zachy Zach) have had some pretty harsh things to say about the girls or split tails as there known in CalebMarie's time. This year's misogyny is so much more attractive than last year's racism and by far more socially acceptable. CalebMarie is going to pull a Willie and hopefully nothing worse.

    I saw Christine smell her armpits and yell SUPERSTAR!

  2. Love you long time Miss Lala! Thanks for the giggles and waiting patiently for the glitter. I am thinking this may be the best season we have seen in years and since I gave up the live feeds years ago, you are my salvation. Strong work my friend, strong work.

    Hugs from the artist formerly known as froglady!

  3. This is GREAT!! I've been watching Big Brother for years and tuning into Big Brother Gossip for a few years, and I'm so sorry I've not found you sooner!! Your descriptions are incredibly colorful and I am hooked!!! Can't wait to see what you have to say on Friday!! Happy 4th!!!

  4. Finally indulged in the feeds (through yours truly of course!) this year, but due to crazy commitments have not yet really been able to do any quality live feed watching. Your blog and the podcast have been my saving grace. Thanks muchly for keeping me in the loop regarding our poor Romeo who pines so piteously for his errant Juliet!