Sunday, July 19, 2009

Flip-Flop, Pit Stop, Truck Stop, Stupid Fop

Once again the feeds went down for several hours for the POV competition and once again people were foaming at the mouth at not being able to see anything. If you can't afford $10 a month for Big Brother and you complain that you want a refund everytime we can't see something, then perhaps you shouldn't be sitting around watching the live feeds all day. With the way people talk I'm imagining burly mountain men and women watching Big Brother in a rickety old shack on a side of a mountain with skinned rabbits hanging from tree branches, shoeless children chasing each other around, and no running water. We NEVER see competitions (unless it's an HOH endurance comp) and I'm glad for it. It makes the CBS shows much more exciting not knowing exactly what's going down.

Now that that's off my chest we can get to what everyone has been talking about. Yes, Jeffy Pooh has won the veto and the patron saints of bored homely women everywhere broke out into song. It looks like Jeff has finally decided to join the land of living and play a little game we all call Big Brother. Good for you Jeff. It's about bloody time. What took you so long?

So Jeff won and sad horsey Laura went to her meager quarters to wrap herself in an itchy blanket and neigh... er, I mean, cry. What can she do but cry? It's not like this game changes oh, I don't know, every couple of hours. It's not like the biggest upsets come when a POV is won. It's not like Russell has been pissing off his crew since late last night as WITNESSED BY YOU LAURA!!! Get off your ass and start making some deals. For someone who fancies herself as a smart girl, you sure do play stupid well.

The big question now, of course, is who will Ronnie put up in Jeff's place? If he puts up Jordan, he'll anger Jeff and Jordan, but Laura is almost a certainty to go home. If he puts up Russell, he'll have to put up with Russell's wrath for the next 4 days and risk Laura coming after him as soon as is humanly possible. If he puts up Casey, he'll confuse everyone and possibly still manage to send Laura home. So what's a dork to do?

A dork is going to spend the next several hours flip-flopping and pissing me off. Here's what I want to happen: I want Jordan or Casey to go on the block and Laura to go home. If Ronnie wastes this opportunity to get rid of Laura he's a bona fide idiot. She's made it clear to EVERYONE that she wants to get Ronnie out of the game. She's going to go after Ronnie with all snouts steaming. What Laura should have done immediately after the POV was approach Ronnie and promise not to go after him if he backdoored Russell. If she's as smart as she says she is, she would have noticed the crack in that alliance last night and she would have acted on it as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Right now the only thing Ronnie is concerned about is Ronnie. Assure him his safety and Laura can play a long and fruitful game if she wants.

Instead Jeff and Jordan went up to the HOH and an incomprehensible meeting went down. I say "incomprehensible" because I have no idea what Jeff's point was. Jeff obviously doesn't want Jordan on the block so he chose to belittle, insult, and threaten Ronnie into not putting her up. Sure some of the things Jeff said were true, but Ronnie doesn't take kindly to threats at all. As soon as you threaten him you become enemy #1. Why do you think Laura is in the block on the first place? I'm kind of astounded at how little finesse these players have. Some people crumble when approached by anger (BB8) and some people retaliate and fight back (BB11). If there's one thing this season has proved in it's very short life, it's that anger and outbursts get punished and sent home. Jeff should know this and act accordingly.

What everyone in the house can agree on is that they don't want Jordan going home. Jordan is the least threatening person in this house. She's so adorably clueless that it will be cake getting her out a little later. Let her sit on the back burner for a while. Jordan has one advantage over every single person in this house and that is stupidity. Not one person in that house thinks this girl is smart. Let's face it, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but that doesn't have to be her problem. It could be her advantage. She needs to continue acting dumb while simultaneously taking in everything that's going on around her. Slowly, very slowly, she's realizing that this is a game that is ALWAYS played. I'd like to see her take that information and keep it to her herself. I'd like her to play even more stupid and gather as much info as possible so she can get her ass to week 8 and blow everyone away. I know I'm reaching for the stars here, but I like Jordan. Her innocence is endearing.

At one point last night Jordan was actually sitting in the HOH room while Team Chima told her straight to her face that she's not playing a good game. Jordan had no clue what they meant. She literally had no idea that she should be playing all the time. Typically, I wouldn't let anyone get away with something as moronic as this, but Jordan was recruited. She didn't try to get on Big Brother. Big Brother found her.

Jordan was walking home late one night from the Pit Stop Truck Stop. She liked to listened to the insects of the night singing their opera to the stars. It was a good night at the Pit Stop. She narrowly escaped bruise free and that older fella that had been watching her all night left her a $10 tip. Only $100 more and she could buy her aeroplane ticket to Californ-I-A. As she made her way to her trailer she envisioned all the things she was going to do when she got to Hollywood. She was going to stick her toes in the Pacific Ocean for the first time. She wanted to go the Reg Bev Wil where Pretty Woman worked. But her biggest plan was to go to the Hollywood sign and rest her hand lightly on the 'H'. She'd close her eyes and pray. She'd pray really really hard and really really long that someone would discover her and turn her into the next Reese Witherspoon. It was in the middle of this nightly fantasy that she heard a horn honking. She looked over and peered into the car. It was the old man who had given her the $10 tip. He rolled down his window and revealed a large curly haired woman in the back seat. She leaned over, stuck her hand out the window and said, "Are you Jordan? Hi, I'm Alison Grodner. How'd you like to go to California?"

Ronnie's other option is to put up Russell. Thanks to Natalie's inaccurate eavesdropping she's got all the NBK crew (Natural Born Killers - the "natural"/no plastic surgery HG's - Chima, Lydia, Kevin, Jessie, Natalie) believing that Russell is in cahoots with Team Jeff. When Natalie gets an idea in her mind she has to run with it. Jessie is cautious though. He thinks it too early to get rid of Russell. Russell is an Athlete and if he wins HOH Jessie and Natalie are safe for another week. Excellent point Jessie. It behooves Natalie to keep Russell in, but she just can't grasp that idea. Russ spoke to Jordan - a crime against man - he must be punished now.

Ronnie, during BBAD, decided to backdoor Russell. He told Jordan to act like she was going on the block. If she blew her cover and Russell found out, then Jordan would go on the block herself. It was like an assignment and one that Jordan was excited to pull off. The only problem was that as Jordan was downstairs playacting like she was going on the block, Ronnie was once again changing his mind. Jessie was peeved that Ronnie would ever make a deal with Jordan so early in the night. He insists that Jordan will NEVER win HOH. She's the last person anyone needs to be making deals with. She's a waste of time. You make deals with people of power. Jessie learned this rule the hard way.

While Jessie is an obnoxious meathead, he actually does bring a lot of wisdom to the game. He's been here before. That's a HUGE advantage. You don't unnecessarily ruffle any feathers, you don't make promises you can't keep, and you don't make alliances with people who can't play the damn game. No one understands these simple rules. Chima is too busy being anti anyone who pisses her off. Natalie it too busy fabricating imaginary alliances. Lydia is too busy getting her feelings hurt. Kevin is too busy trying to lay low. And Ronnie is too busy acting like he's the King of all things Big Brother. What's the one thing they have in common? They're all playing personal. You don't play personal in BB. You play strategic. Not one of them is thinking with their heads, they're all thinking with their hearts.

Ronnie then flips again. Ideally, Jeff shouldn't use the veto at all, but they all know that's never going to happen. He'll put up Casey (since he promised to protect Jordan) and Laura will go home and that will be that. He shares the info with Jeff and Jordan, but at this point Jeff is beyond ever believing anything Ronnie has to say anymore. Boy has flipped 18 times and he'll flip 18 more before they night is through. Hell, he'll flip before the conversation is through. Jordan told Ronnie that Russell called him fat and, once again, voila... Russell is now going back on the block.

Ronnie runs back up to HOH and shares his decision. Jessie is pissed. You don't nominate someone because they call you fat. What the hell kind of game play is that? In the midst of Ronnie's flipping, everyone else begins flopping like a fish out of water as well. Over the course of the night, Natalie goes from wanting Russell up to wanting Laura to go to home. Lydia goes from being scared of Russell to being scared of Laura. It's like an ADD nightmare in that damn house. I have a mind to fly over and throw some adderrall out of a plane with a note that says, "Make up your fucking minds already bitches!"

Laura, in the meantime, is clueless and threatening to eat. If she'd only get her head out of her ass and take a look around her she could see that all hell is breaking loose in the house. Why she doesn't march up to the HOH and cut a deal with Ronnie is beyond me.

Later (typing this is as exhausting as watching this was) Ronnie pulls Laura into the HOH. He's going to pitch his plan, but he doesn't want to be interrupted. Jordan is supposed to make sure Natalie or Jessie don't come up the stairs. What do you think happens then? Natalie comes bouncing up the stairs. Mental note, when you want a mission done do NOT put Jordan on it! Laura runs and hides in the bathroom. Natalie says she'll vote how Ronnie wants her to and then she leaves. Ronnie explains the Backdoor Russell Plan to Laura and tells her to keep it a secret.

I'm running out of steam folks... Laura is given new life. Jessie is frustrated. Jordan is dying to tell the secret. Jeff tells Jordan to stop being stupid. Natalie is saying she'll tell people whatever they want to hear, but she'll vote how she wants to. It's terrible exhausting and annoying.

The long and short of it is this. Russell may be going on the block, but there's no way in hell I'm going to predict he's definitely going home. The way this crew is flipping, it wouldn't surprise me if Laura ends up going home after all. Actually, I hope she does and I hope Russell gets infuriated and comes after Ronnie like gangbusters. No matter what happens next week one thing is for sure. Ronnie is fucked. His bullshit last night was his dumbest move ever. He should have had a plan, stuck to the plan, and not cared what anyone else said. Now he's wishy-washy, even more untrustworthy, and a complete liabilty to everyone. The only prediction I'm willing to make is that Ronnie is going home much sooner than later. He's lost all my respect at this point after last night's shenanigans and I'm really looking forward to seeing him cry sometime soon.
Here's your whacky video of the day. It's a Braden's best bits set to the tune of Wipeout. LOL

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  1. Ooo, Lala, I'm so surprised my head is still on today, thought sure it would have fallen off as many times as it flopped around last night. And the main character, Russ, slept thru it all. Love the Jordan story, such a sweet lass in a house of man-eating sharks, (and 1 horse). Poor Jeff is doing his damnest to protect her, but she doesn't even know where she's at, much less what she's doing, and CANNOT shut up. I do believe those 'How to Get Along' classes BB sent Jess to are paying off. Either way, you're right, Ronnie is gone, gone, gone. Unless he puts up Kevin or chima, his game is over. Fantastic blog! CharliesYaya

  2. "How to get along classes"... LMAO. That is genius. I might have to use that one day.

  3. Hey LaLa
    I'm new to your blog, but I love it. I came here by the way of Well, man I was so confused last night also. I left for like a couple of hours and its like who is leaving now? What? Why? Oh God.

  4. Hey Monie. Welcome! I'm so glad to hear you found me from dlisted. I love that site. So hysterical.

    You wouldn't believe what's going on today. He's flipped again! Unbelievable.