Monday, August 17, 2009

The Great Lie Between The Sheets


Throughout history there have been many things we've decided to call "Great". Great wall of China. Great white shark. Great depression. Great Gatsby. Great Debaters. Great Space Coaster. Great Dane. Great Lakes. Great Falls. The GREAT outdoors... the list goes on and on. But none of these can measure up to what is now known as the Great Lie. The Great Lie was initiated, activated, and launched into the universe yesterday. Did it work? Read on to find out.

For those of you who are still reading this (Boy, did I piss a lot of you off yesterday!), welcome back. Thanks for playing along. It is just a game after all. I've written to the Vatican. Ragamuffin and Crazy Town will be canonized as soon as is humanly possible. The wheels are in motion.

It was a pretty mellow day in the BB house yesterday. Jordan fretted over having to memorize her dialogue for the POV competition. Jordan, precious, you can't be any worse than Michele. She's the most horrifing host I've ever seen. She.... talks... like... this... when... she... presents... something... and... she... makes... me... want... to... stick... a... rusty... spike... in... my... ear. That food competition last night was a joke. Dae Yum Yum could have hosted better than Michele did. Dae Yum Yum may be mute, but he doesn't chew his face and stick everything on the planet up his ass. Did you know there were 2 extra casseroles in that competition? There were, but we didn't get to see them because Michele had already shoved them up her nether regions. She's lightening quick that ass licker. Never invite her to your house because your collectible figurines and DVD collections will end up where the sun don't shine. Before the season started, I had Michele over for some tea and ding-dongs and we started to work on my car together. Needless to say, it didn't go so well...

Ragamuffin and Crazy Town are now besties (probably secret frenemies) and they spent the day bonding and touching each other. Lydia is braiding Natalie's neverending hair into teeny tiny little corn rows. Considering Lydia's mental state of mind, I'm SHOCKED she had the patience to commit herself to such a task. She must have had some Ritalin and Adderall shoved into her morning "Vitamin" pack. You'd have to pour ground up Focalin down my throat (or if I was Michele - up my ass) to get me to have the patience to do anything that time consuming. She may be a pink haired super hero teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown, but bitch can focus when she needs to. If only she had channeled her ability to concentrate to a greater good like winning challenges and acting sane.

My man Kevin played a HUGE role in everything that went down yesterday and I was giving him snaps all say long. I'm sorry, but how GREAT were his DR's last night? He never fails me in the DR - never! He always delivers and he makes me fall in love with him all over again everytime CBS airs a show. The Scarfed One was the topic of everyone's conversations yesterday. Jordan told him he was safe and that he will not be going on the block. Russell, on the other hand, has been working overtime throwing Kevin and his colorful pedal pushers under the bus. How dare you Russell! Leave Kevin and his fringed fabulousness alone! Russell told Michele that if Kevin makes it to the Final 2, he will win the game. My question is, what's so wrong with that? That's a delicious outcome... one I could get behind and fondle.

Jeff and Jordan, denying each other any sexual release, spent some time in the HOH discussing this weeks nominations. Jordan is worried about Russell. She knows she can't trust him and wonders when is the best time to get rid of him. If she keeps him this week, he could win HOH next week and put her and Jeff up. If she gets rid of him this week, she could lose some numbers needed for next week. What a dilemma Jordo! What's a precious little pony filled with pixie sticks supposed to do? Let's see what Jeff has to say.

Jeff is extremely unthrilled with Russell. He's furious Russ had the nerve to vote to keep Jessie after Jeff went out on a limb to save Russell's ass last week. Had Kevin not voted Jessie out, Jessie would still be in the house and Jeff's technotronic world would have been tainted with all things Manbeast. He also thinks Russell is a scumbag for kissing Michele's ass this week when he was picking fights with her last week. Jordan tells Jeff she wants to bring Kevin into their alliance and get rid of Russell. Hmmm interesting. I could get behind something like that (and fondle it all night). A final 2 with Jeff and Kevin is very appealing to me because I think the votes would be frighteningly close and it could be a nail biter of a finale. I like them both and I wouldn't go into a screaming kicking tantrum if either of them won. I'd start strangling kittens if Michele or Jordan won. The feline community needs to seek sanctuary if that happens.

Kevin voting Jessie out is the BEST move he could have made. That singular vote has secured his safety for the next 2 weeks. In one fell swoop he's proved his loyalty to Jeff and Jordan and he's put Russell in a very precarious position. That vote saved Kevin's ass. Jeff is REALLY furious over Russell's vote and he won't shut up about it to Jordan. Regarding Russell he says, "He's a fucking liar. He lies about everything. First he said he had a roommate then he said he had a studio apartment." Russell's lying about stupid shit will get him into more trouble than his lying in the game. Jordan chimes in and says that she thinks Russell has money in real life. He wears Dolce & Gabbana and Nordstrom brand clothing. OK this bugs me. Who cares Jordan? Personal wealth is NOT a factor in Big Brother. It's a game for crying out loud NOT a charity. I don't care if someone is a billionaire in the game, if they play well then they deserve to win. I hate it when people hold someone's background over them in BB. The best player should win not who has the most pathetic backstory.

This brings me to operation Great Lie. Kevin has been chosen to deliver the Great Lie to Jeff. For those of you new to the last day's events, the Great Lie is something Ragamuffin came up with. She wants Jeff to think that Russell and Michele are conspiring together to get Jeff and Jordan out. This will, in turn, make Jeff and Jordan target Russell this week as opposed to Natalie or Lydia. It's a deliciously evil plan that never ceases to shock me knowing it came from the mind of a rabid Ragamuffin. So Kevin is totally chill and calm as he starts to talk to Jeff. They're in the BY and Kevin tells Jeff that he wants to form a relationship with him and open up the lines of communication between them. Jeff is very open to Kevin's offer and looks at his vote to evict Jessie as a reason to trust him.

Kevin tells Jeff that he's been completely loyal to him throughout the game and his Jessie vote is proof. He's slow, he's measured, he's taking his time and it's working. He works up to telling Jeff that he had seen Michele and Russell in the Green Room together and that when he told the girls (Ragamuffin and Crazy Town) they were alone together the girls went to eavesdrop on them. Clever of him to not say he was the one who overheard it all. This clears him of any inconsistencies. He tells Jeff that the girls heard Russell and Michele confrming a final 2 deal and saying something about having to split up a "couple" (obviously Jeff and Jordan). Kevin says the girls didn't want to tell Jeff the information because they wanted the satisfaction of being able to tell him "I told you so" when Russ and Michele finally sent him to the Jury House. *giggles* That's such a great addition to the lie. It's so random yet so believable.

Jeff immediately perks up. He tells Kevin it's so funny he's mentioning this now because he was just upstairs talking about Russell with Jordan. Kevin's timing could not have been more perfect. Kevin tells Jeff that the girls aren't after him or Jordan at all. They hate Michele and will do anything to get her out. Kevin tells Jeff, "I figure since you looked out for me I'd do the same for you." He then utters the most beautiful phrase ever, "I swear I've never lied during this game." AHAHAHA! Keep in mind he says this WHILE telling the Great Lie. *throws roses at Kevin's feet* They continue to bond over Jessie leaving and this is where everyone in the chat rooms goes ballistic. They're freaked out Jeff is falling for it and are screaming "No Jeff! Don't listen to him!" like Jeff can hear what the hell they're saying. Some of them, the open-minded ones not blinded by Jeffy Pooh's biceps ,even gave some props to Natalie. I told you. She's an evil stinky smelly drooling evil genius of sorts. I've been so busy hating her that I neglected to actually see what a great manipulator she is. She's annoyed us all to no end and she's very easy to make fun of, but homegirl is playing hardcore. You can't deny that.

Kevin goes on to tell Jeff that if he wins HOH Jeff and Jordan are safe. And then it happens... do you hear that? The angels? They're singing... I think it's 'Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough' this time. Farrah is waving at me. Hi Farrah! Jeff believes the lie and my no-no is tingling over time. Mr. O'Shaugnessy (my personal leprechaun) is dancing a jig and my fairy godmother just turned some radishes into a gorgeous pair of wrist cuffs for me. They'll go perfect with my Wonder Woman outfit I keep in the closet for celebratory occasions such as this. Jeff tells Kevin he wants to backdoor Russell THIS week and get rid of him once and for all. They'll nominate Natalie and Lydia, but will backdoor Russell after the POV. Jeff tells Kevin to tell the girls to fight hard for the POV. It's best if they can remove themselves from the block. Worse comes to worse and Jeff or Jordan win it, they'll also use it to remove one of the girls and put Russell up.

Kevin has Jeff under his spell and Jeff's dam of secrets bursts forth as a result. He tells Kevin how Russell has been petitioning for Jordan to put Kevin on the block this whole time. Kevin is shocked and grateful for the information. Jeff tells Kevin that he thinks Russell and Natalie have a secret Final 2 deal. Well, this gets Kevin's wheels moving as you can imagine. He may have planted a seed with Jeff, but Jeff has inadvertently planted a seed in Kevin as well. Kevin says he's wanted Russell out all along. First Russell was a physical threat, then he became a mean emotional threat, and now that's he's campaigning against Kevin he's an immediate threat. It serves both Kevin and Jeff to get rid of Russell sooner rather than later.

Witness the Great Lie being activated for yourselves. Please to enjoy:

Afterwards Kevin goes to share the news with Ragamuffin and Crazy Town. Please to enjoy:

Kevin recaps his talk with Jeff to Lydia & Natalie
by whitebobcat

As soon as Jeff is able to get a moment alone with Jordan (Russell is so paranoid he keeps following them everywhere), he shares the conversation he had with Kevin with her. They're both shocked Kevin brought it up right after they were talking about Russell themselves. Then Jeff almost makes me swoon (and I'm not even a menopausal hag!)... he tells Jordan that he thinks Michele is playing both of them and that they should slowly back away from her. Yes Jeff yes! Slowly back away from the Ass Licker. Jordan, slowly turning into a chocolate chip from all the cookie dough she's inhaled, thinks they still need Michele. No Jordan! Bad Jordan! Someone stick a Twinke in her mouth and shut her up. Jordan is worried that getting rid of Russell now will ruin their numbers. Jeff says they may not ever this chance again. They have to do it now before Russell gets a chance to retaliate.

Miracle of miracles, Jordan blabs all to Michele and Michele is actually on board with Operation Boot Russell. They use Teddy Grahams to work out every scenario possible and discuss what the future competitions could be. Oh... I forgot to mention that apparently Jeff threw the HOH to Jordan. Ha! I knew it. I knew the Cookie Monster couldn't win a competition on her own. She sat in her room all day yesterday complaining about how tight her clothes were and how she needs to stop eating so much while simultaneouly shovelling Milk Duds and Ben & Jerry's in her mouth. Sometimes I wish Big Brother would come on the loud speaker and say, "Jordan, please stop eating!" She's such a pretty girl, but she has to stop eating everything in her path or she's gonna pork up real quick.

This brings me to something that will probably piss off all you Jeff fans. Hell, when does a day go by when I don't piss you guys off anyways? Seriously, who do I think I'm fooling? Anyhow, Natalie and Lydia are in bed in the Red Room and Natalie asks Lydia how many times she's hooked up with Jessie. Lydia pauses to think, but then tells Natalie everything. Jeff's secret is no longer a secret. Sorry ladies. Natalie claims to already know everything that went on between Lydia and Jessie. She tells Lydia that Jessie told her everything (no he didn't). Lydia tells her they made a tent in the HOH and that they hooked up 3 times in the HOH and 2 times in the Red Room. Natalie wants all the details... like she really wants all the details. A girl after my own heart. Dirty details is my middle name I think. Kevin says, "P in V?" Lydia says no. Kevin asks, "P in A?" AHAHAHA!!!! Lydia says no. Natalie keeps pushing for details and thinks Lydia and Jessie hooked up twice as much as she's admitting to. Lydia says, "Natalie, trust me, you do very well at cockblocking." Kevin chimes in and wants to know if Jessie has a pretty ding-dong. LOL Lydia claims not to have seen it, but admits he has a nice ass.

Natalie asks Lydia if any oral went on. She calls it "kissing" and Kevin and Lydia burst into a fit of giggles. Lydia doesn't answer, but asks Natalie if she wanted to hook up with Jessie herself. Natalie totally lies and says, "Ewwww no." She's not attracted to guys with big muscles. Jessie was just a good friend. She didn't think he was good looking at all. Oh Ragamuffin, your lies know no bounds. You know you loved him and wanted him to use his magic fingers on you. Kevin asks Natalie if she's ever done "kissing" and Natalie refuses to answer. Lydia says, "If you assume there was "kissing", who do you think was doing it to whom?" Natalie says that was her next question. Then Lydia says the funniest thing ever. She says, "What happened to your sweatshirt was not my fault." Russell can be heard cracking up in the next room and Lydia gets hysterical laughing while Natalie says it's disgusting.

Ok seriously... I'm listening to this conversation right now and I'm in tears from laughing so hard. Russell's cackling in the next room is fucking hysterical. Lydia says through laughter, "The funniest thing is that you and I hated each other and you made me dress like you..." She's dying from laughing so hard and says that Jessie must have had the most awkward conversation trying to explain how he jizzed on her sweatshirt. Natalie wonders why Lydia chose Jessie out of all the cute boys in the house. Lydia says Russell was taken by Chima and we hear Russell burst into a fit of giggles in the other room. LOL

Kevin admits to knowing about the sweatshirt all along and Natalie says, "You never told me? Thanks Kevin." Natalie tells Lydia that Jessie told her everything. Lydia thinks there is one incident Natalie may not know about. Natalie says, "No Lydia. I know everything." If I get a clip of this conversation I'll post it here as soon as possible. It's very funny and worth listening to.

So that's it. Great Lie is in motion and the POV is crucial. Personally, I hope Kevin, Lydia, or Natalie win it. I know it's a long shot, but a girl can dream. I'm not ready for Natalie to go home yet. I know you're all burning your Lala puppets right now in protest, but she's intrigued me and I want to see how far she will go in the game and in her lies. Russell is doing nothing for me anymore so I could care less if he ends up leaving this week. It's nice to see Jeff finally playing the game though. That Coup D'Etat was his ticket back into my good graces and it's interesting watching what we believes and who he trusts.

Take care everyone and have a great day!

UPDATE: The best clip girl in the world, Shea, came through and here is the clip you guys asked for! Natalie questions Lydia about hooking up with Jessie. Please to enjoy:

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  1. Awesome blog yet again :) Hope you can find a clip of the RR convo!

  2. Please find that clip if you can! I love your blogs and usually agree with you. And even when I don't, you crack me up so keep on blogging!!

  3. Hilarious! And I totally agree. I want Russ to go and Nat to stay. I think the Nat/Lyd relationship is far more fun to watch than the Russ/Ass Licker one. Great blog. I'm bookmarking it now.


  4. I love your blog. So tacky, yet delicious at the same time. I have a, suggestion, however. I GET IT! Michele is an ass-licker and likes to shove things up her pooper. You can make a point, or you can beat it to death with a dildo. I think you have accomplished the latter. IMO, it's no longer funny. As in all things rectal, a little goes a long way. LOL

  5. HI---totally love you and all your writings...and as samsmama said even when i dont agree, i am usually laughing too hard to get annoyed! ...and as LJ said, I get it about michele and all things butt related, but i need to find the conversation on clipster or something where she talks about her "freaky" side...I never heard it and the way you go on and on about it...i need to hear this stuff for myself....any help with the video is very much appreciated! keep 'em coming...cant wait to read what you have to say about all thing BB!thanks!

  6. Like Kevin would say: "OH EM GEE!"
    Why have I never read your blogs before!? This was seriously the best read about the show Ive found (yes, you beat the hell out of Julie Chen's blogs and the yakkiti whatever's too!)

    I cannot wait to see what will happen tomorrow and Thursday. A lot of shit is brewing and man do I love it! Im happy to know that the "loser team" is still able to defend their asses instead of just admitting defeat. Kevin wins a lot of votes in my heart right now and Im with you when you say that a Jeff/Kevin finale would be terrific!!!

    Keep bloggin dude! This was perfect!!! =D

  7. Lala,
    Had you ever left form, (And let's face it, you never have) this would be a great return to it. Kevin's fabulousness never ceases to amaze. He told the Great Lie with poise and a vunlerablity that the actors of this world should study. He has officially become my favorite. Yes, it was Natalie's lie, but Kevin played it masterfully. One side Lala, I need Kevin-fondling room. Now if he can just keep dirt off his name, and Natalie and Lydia focus on splitting Jeff and Jordan, he'll be in the best position.

  8. Hi Lala...I hope you know my post yesterday wasn't meant as an insult, just that I disagreed with you. I don't always see things the way you do (e.g. Michele) but that's what makes the world go 'round. We agree to disagree. I still LOVE your blog and will read it everyday and whenever I get the chance I always tell my chat buddies and BB buddies about it. That longgggg blog that you deleted yesterday was after my post to you so I was thinking maybe I had offended you, although I don't think much could!! LOL. Take care and keep the great posts/blog writings coming!! I love them!

  9. I also agree with LJ about Michele and the butt stuff....I GET IT, but feel enough is enough. It's like beating a dead horse..over and over and over again.

  10. Michelle cock blocking/Russell cock blocking, etc., etc... Damn! then the last thing I remember was Jeff getting between the sheets and BOOOOM!!! Spontaneous Combustion!

  11. Jaye Bird, no I wasn't insulted at all. I hesitated for a minute wondering if people thought I was rooting for Lydia and Natalie and that I genuinely liked them as good people, but then common sense kicked me in the ass and I decided not to care again. LOL No worries.

    So I'm beating the butt pleasures thing like a dead horse? Oh people... you should have known better than to tell me something like that because now you know tomorrow I'll double up on the ass play and overdose on all things rectal. Shame on you!

    OK I'm writing to my clip girl now and hopefully I'll have the clip for you guys soon.

  12. More ass please, maam? Thank You.

  13. I'm still recovering from the wake held in Jessie's honor. Loved it when the delusional Lydiot said, with tears streaming down her cheeks, "Jessie prayed for us every night". Instead of making his hilarious comments in the DR, Kevin should have given them a reality check while they were in mourning. I never liked Gnat, and was surprised that she did not flip out over the Lydiot/Jessie sexcapades.

  14. I hate to ruin the "Kevin and Natalie are geniuses" party, but Michelle already told the Great Lie before Natalie even came up with it. The day before, Michelle went to Jordan and said that Russell was planning a Final Two with her and that he was targeting Jeff. Jordan then went and told Jeff and the three decided to target Russell long before Natalie had even come up with her lie.

    What is intriguing is that Michelle has begun to come up with more elaborate stories, that Russell has always hated Jeff and is jealous of him (all to the rhythm of Jordan's head bobbing furiously) and that Jordan is dumb. Of course, all of this is nonsense. In fact, all evidence is that Russell believes the OPPOSITE. I know you hate Michelle, but Kevin and Natalie's big scheme is just icing on the Michelle scheming cake. She's been after Russell and defending Kevin ever since Jordan got HoH.

    At first Jeff was bugging out but he came back from the DR with the errant hair of a thought that Kevin is lying and Michelle is full of crap. In fact, he said if he wins the POV himself he'll confront Russell and trust what he says. If he doesn't get the POV, he'll assume Russell is on the up-and-up and that Kevin and Michelle are playing them.

  15. Hey LaLa...I want to add in a little game analysis about this: You and EVERYONE are giving this lie WAAAY too much credit. You for thinking its so genius and other for crying about how Jeff and Jordan fell for it. Here's how I am seeing it and if I'm crazy feel free to tell me: This so called "lie" actually happened. All Kevin accomplished was confirming what Jeff already knew. Jeff and Jordan now know Russell is going to backstab them, WHICH they already knew WHICH we already knew WHICH is completely factual. Jeff and Jordan are in really bad positions right now no matter what they do...with Jeff being in a worse position. Honestly if this lie did ANYTHING, it HELPED Jeff and Jordan b/c Russell would definately go for them next week whereas Natalie and Lydia might actually target Michele instead of Jeff. The only thing Jeff can do at this point is win HoH on thursday. Other than that he is screwed. What do you think? Let me know. And bitchy :)

  16. ...oh and please let me add that I am currently hoping Michele gets evicted just so I don't have to hear about her shoving things up her ass anymore. I have never had anything up my ass before and you are starting to make me curious....

  17. "The best player should win not who has the most pathetic back-story."


  18. Gnatalie kills me with her mock disgust over the idea of sleeping with her main homie, Jessie. She knows that once she got the crash course in sex-ed from Jordan (seriously?) about the difference between her fuck hole & her pee pee hole (Lala's words, not mine :) ), she was completely occupied with thoughts of some roided up penis on roided up penis action between her & Jessie. Bitch, puhleeze....

  19. :) comments? just found these at bottom of blog. still LMAO at your twisted hysterical take on things! thanx