The poor Ragamuffin is really just laughable in competitions at this point. She kept losing her cup, falling on her ass, and shuffling down her lane. All of her energy went into cheering Kevin on that I had to wonder if maybe she didn't really care anymore after she saw how well Kevin was doing. She was running her mouth the whole damn time reminding Kevin of how if he wins that he'll get to see his Boyf and he'll get Hamburger Helper in his basket. Kevin, at one point, had to tell her to shut up cuz she was so damn distracting. According to my tally she lost her cup 4 times including the time she dropped it in the giant vat of hot chocolate and had to almost climb in to get it out. Here are some photos of the Ragamuffin's comp failure:
The more the comp went on, the sadder Jeffy Pooh became. At one point he says to Jordan, "Kevin's focused. Jordan needs to get focused." Well, that didn't help the human trash compactor and she just fell a lot (to which Jeff, Mr. Sentimental, said, "You all right? You pop a boob?") while Jeff looked on concerned and defeated.
Meanwhile over in Winners Lane, Kevin was kicking some major ass. For someone who never works out he ran that 4 miles like a champ. He was consistent and focused with thoughts of his Boyf swirling like fabulous fringed scarves dancing in his head. Witness the face of a champion:
The feeds went down not long after that photo was taken and we were forbidden from seeing the big finish. Fuck you CBS. I'm getting a little pissed off at being blocked from the HOH comps. This is the second week in a row you've done this and I'm not happy about it. You give me all the build up and then deny me the release. Do you have any idea what that's like for a woman? You thought Jeff was bad backed up? Ha! You have NO idea how cranky a woman can become. Even though we were denied the money shot, I went ahead and announced Kevin as the winner over on Twitter.
Eventually, the feeds came back and the HG's were showering and cleaning themselves up. Michele and Kevin were in the shower at one point and Ass Licker is wasting NO time kissing some ass. She tells Kevin how he "floated" down the lane. Kevin replied, "I always look like I float!." and I hearted him even more. Meanwhile, Jordan was asking Jeff if she made a fool of herself because she yelled at Russell yesterday. She's way paranoid that CBS didn't portray her in a positive light and she needs some reassurance. Dumpster Truck Sally marches into the shower area to ask Kevin and Michele if she looked like a psycho when she yelled at Russell. They assure her she did not and she waddles off to eat a fistful of Cheez Whiz.
A little later Kevin is sitting and thinking. He's wondering if his HOH will have photos of his parents. Awwww. My heart broke a little when he said that. As most of you know Kevin's parents are hardcore Jehovah's Witnesses and he hasn't seen or heard from them ever since he came out of the closet. It's a story that's all too familiar nowadays and it completely breaks my heart. I will NEVER understand how a parent can shun their own child for being gay. Hell, if I ever had a kid I'd be delighted to discover he/she was gay. Remember that one episode of Absolutely Fabulous when Edina begs Saffie to be a lesbian? That's totally me. So Kevin wonders if CBS contacted his parents and whether or not they signed releases. I'm pretty sure at that point everyone at home crossed their fingers and hoped that Kevin would get to see his family. I know I did. Kevin, always graceful and mature, says that it's ok if he doesn't see them. He's really not expecting to. My rusty heart strings tugged a little more at my tear ducts. The Ragamuffin had a moment of tenderness and tells Kevin that his parents are probably watching him and are very proud. Kleenex please.
While Kevin is making us all want to hug our closest gay, Michele is in the Green Room losing her ever loving mind. The most exquisite display of a mental breakdown graced our screens and I immediately perked up and went screenshot happy. I completely infuriated the chat hags who say they don't read this blog yet they flawlessly quote it everyday... nice try bitches. I can tell who visits here. Keep lying if it makes you feel better. I'm all about the numbers so hate me if you want but keep giving me those hits. I roll around naked covered in your IP numbers. Anyways, yeah, Michele is crying and I'm loving every single fucking second of it. I asked my Twitter followers if someone moved up Christmas this year and didn't tell me. I poured myself a glass of gin (just gin, nothing else... I was feeling very Dorothy Parker yesterday) and settled in to enjoy the madness. Oh my god! I totally forgot to mention that Michele was having her breakdown while wearing The Yellow Dress! Are you dying from the perfection?
Michele sought sanctuary in the Green Room and clutched a pillow while she came to the realization that she's all alone in this house. Her stupid ass licking stories and awkward giggles have finally caught up with her and now she has nothing to show for it, but bad hair, ugly clothes, and a few lost pounds. She muttered to herself and wallowed in her own unworthiness. Paging Neely O'Hara... paging Neely O'Hara. Look, I don't feel sorry for Michele at all. She sauntered around that house with that smug stupid smile on her face for weeks thinking she was some kind of competition genius. You are no Janelle Michele. Almost every competition she won was because of someone else's mistakes. That doesn't take talent. That's luck. If there's one thing that can be said about luck it's that it eventually always runs out.
She shook and jittered and tried to quiet the voices in her head while someone yelled at me in the chats for confusing bipolar disorder with schozophrenia. Oh go die in your DSM IV. I make jokes. I'm a laugh maker. If this was Natalie crying her eyes out people would be laughing and skipping through dewy meadows holding hands and wearing crowns made of flowers. Hypocradar beeping loud and clear.
While you're waiting for my second masterpiece, go to the BBTop50 and Vote! We're neck in neck with that awful site that censors it's visitors. Click on the link at the top right hand side of the blog and click click click!