Who "Got Got" Now Bitches?

No one is allowed to leave their houses today. If you live in a city, I advise you to stay away from any and all skyscrapers. If you live out in the suburbs, be very careful as you drive along your peaceful roads. Bodies will be flying off the the highest buildings and suburban moms will be hurling themselves in front of automobiles. I, on the other hand, am throwing an opium party with a naked leprechaun as the guest of honor. Ladies and Gentlemen, the duo that is Jeff and Jordan is no more! You've only got 5 more days to bask in their idiocy and mediocrity so I suggest you suck it up and enjoy it while you can. How did we get to this pivotal moment in BB11 history? Let me walk you through it.

The day began with Jordan foaming at the mouth over a luxury competition. Bitch wants to win something and she wants to win it now. Well BB, loving all things Jordan, gave into her demands and we got the Pandora's Box Luxury Competition. From what I can gather, Kevin went behind the door of secret delights and was given the option to keep a prize for himself or share it with the whole house. He chose to share it with the house and subsequently stuck his hand in a box where something grabbed him and handcuffed him. While he was trapped he was able to see on a tv screen that money began to rain down in the backyard. He yelled for someone to come save him. Everyone was outside trying to gather money and only Ragamuffin wondered where Kevin was.

Ragamuffin ran upstairs and to find Kevin and he told her that she had to find a key to rescue him. She ran downstairs to look for the key and ran into Jeff. Jeff asked her what was upstairs and she lied to him telling him that the door was locked. Ragamuffin was under the impression that the key was something magical and she wanted it for herself. Jeff didn't believe her and went upstairs anyways. He found Kevin trapped and Kevin told him to find a key. Jeff and Ragamuffin scoured the house for a key and Jeff found it behind a pillow (in the DR I think). He released Kevin and Kevin was able to partake in the money free for all. Keep in mind we didn't see any of this. This is what I think happened from the HG's descriptions.

After it was all said and done the speculations ran rampant. Jeff wanted to know why Natalie lied to him. Jordan wondered if she got to keep her money. And Kevin acted like there was more to come. Apparently, it was $10,000 that rained down from heaven above, but Natalie, knowing everything about everything, insisted that there was NO WAY that was $10,000. Jordan agrees with her and begins to hypothesize that they can trade in their money for safety. Jeff is insistant that the key was worth more than just saving Kevin. It was very annoying and very confusing listening to these bitches guess and speculate all day long.

Jeff kept bugging everyone wanting to know what Pandora is and what her box meant. For the record, from Mythica, "In Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus, the god of craftsmanship, to create her and he did, using water and earth. The gods endowed her with many talents; Aphrodite gave her beauty, Apollo music, Hermes persuasion, and so forth. Hence her name: Pandora, "all-gifted".

When Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Epimetheus, Prometheus' brother. With her, Pandora had a jar which she was not to open under any circumstance. Impelled by her natural curiosity, Pandora opened the jar, and all evil contained escaped and spread over the earth. She hastened to close the lid, but the whole contents of the jar had escaped, except for one thing which lay at the bottom, and that was Hope."

Personally, I don't think the key Jeff found means squat. I think it was meant to give the HG's the option to take time out of money grabbing to rescue Kevin. Kevin chose to "unleash" the money onto the house and, for him, it was bad because he was locked up. I don't know. That's just my guess. Although I will say that knowing what I know now about how the POV went I wouldn't be surprised at all if suddenly that key Jeff found came with a super special power. More on this later.

After all the Pandora mayhem died down the HG's were gathered in the kitchen. Kevin talks to Michele about what she would do next week if she won HOH. He’s feeling her out in front of everyone and I can't help but think it's planned to make her look foolish. You know I'm all about that so I lit some candles and loaded up my pipe.
Natalie instigates a convo with Michele where she discusses the possibilty of Michele going on the block. Eventually Jeff and Jordan walk in and I become more certain that it's all for show. It went something like this:
Natalie, “Just beause you go up doesn’t mean you’re going home.”
Natalie straight up tells Michele she doesn’t trust her.
Natalie says, "I know 100% you would put up me and Kevin and if you say otherwise you’re lying." She then brings up how Michele went back on her word to Chima.
She mentions how Michele told everyone in the HOH, “If anyone believes what I say you’re stupid.”
Keep in mind she's doing this all in front of Jeff and Jordan. She's lulling them into a peaceful state of perceived safety with her evil Ragamuffin hypnotic powers.
Natalie continues, “You put me and Chima up when you swore on your husband that you wouldn’t do that. You broke your word so how can I believe anything?”
Natalie, “Kevin is my friend and I’m looking out for him”
Michele, “If I go home this week I go home. I lost”
Natalie, "My opinion, in front of the whole house, is you go on the block”
Natalie, “You said if I win I’m putting Kevin and Natalie up right?”
Michele, “Yeah”
Natalie turns to Kevin, “Well then, beat her to the punch!”
Natalie, “It’s not a secret. Everyone knows what I want, but I’m not HOH”
Kevin, “I do want to hear your thoughts Michele before nominations. I don’t know where your head is at. “
Michele, “I fully expected to be on the block. That’s why I didn’t eat or sleep last night”

Oh shut up Ass Licker. I hate you. You didn't eat or sleep last night because you were busy sending me evil death stares while you sobbed and felt sorry for yourself.

Jordan jumps in out of nowhere and asks to talk to Kevin upstairs. Jordan says she knows she's going up, but she wants to have a one on one with Kevin.

Jordan and Kevin are in the HOH and Jordan says, "You’re acting funny I think. You seem nervous.” She says she assumes she’s going up with Michele because Kevin made a deal with Jeff. Kevin says, “You do know that you are not my target?” He goes on to tell Jordan that this week most likely the HOH will end up deciding who goes home. He thinks the vote will be tied and he'll be the ultimate decision maker. Jordan keeps bringing up the deal he made with Jeff and I begin to wonder who she's playing this game for: herself or Jeff? Would she really risk losing $500,000 for some dude she's known for 6 weeks? I wouldn't do that for someone I've known for 6 years, but ,then again, I'm a heartless bitch who smacks around a drunken little person.

Kevin says, “I know that you and Jeff have a tight bond, but I want you to know that I treat you two as two different people.” He says that with POV Natalie could definitely still be going home (If he were to nom Jeff and Michele and Jordan won POV, Nat could go home) and his mind is on that right now. He says, “If I put you and Jeff on the block and the veto is a brain thing I would fuck myself because Michele would win.” Jeff walks in and sits down.

Kevin says “Anything I do is not personal. I’m making a very conscious effort not to make a personal decision. Michele came to see me and, by the way, she threw you under the bus.”
Jeff replies, “That just shows what type of person she is.”
Kevin asked Michele who she’d put up and she said she’d put up Kevin and Jeff. She's such an idiot. She should know better than to tell someone to their face that she'll put them up. She needs to learn the art of telling someone what they want to hear.
Jordan puts down the brick of cream cheese she's gnawing on and says how Michele said they should fight for veto together.
Kevin, says, “I do think that she is a very real threat in this game.”

Kevin says Michele was a genius as a child and put into special classes when she was a kid. He makes note about how she got her PhD at the age of 26. I was one of those genius kids too, but look at me now. I take pictures and make up leprechaun stories. Skipping two grades as a kid will fuck a kid up. Do you have any idea what it was like being the last chick in her class to get her license? It was great! I was never the designated driver and I spent many a night drunkenly fumbling in the backseat of other people's cars with boys from the prep school. Good times.

Jeff chimes in saying, "Yeah that’s a reason to send her home. I don’t trust her at all. I don’t tell her anything ever since the Russell thing.”
Kevin says that he firmly believes that Michele was onboard with Russ to get J/J out. He also thinks Michele thinks J/J are dumb and she can beat them in the end.
Jordan, “I know if she wins next week, she wants you out. She thinks me and Natalie are dumb.”
Kevin says he still wants to talk to her because he can’t figure her out.
Kevin says he’ll have to go off what she says and she says some pretty salacious stuff. Jordan sits and wonders what "salacious" means.

Kevin tells Jeff he is 100% safe, "Natalie has promised me that she will not evict you... The bad news is you’re going to be nominated.” Kevin tells him that he’s not going to essentially give his power to Jeff this week and let him dictate what Kevin does. Oh I love that! Kevin says the heart of the deal they made was to keep Jeff safe. Kevin says, "What I’m doing is keeping you safe and keeping my control." I smacked Mr. O'Shaugnessy on the ass and stroked my unicorns horn.

Jeff gets all pissy and says, “How can I trust you now? Well I’m gonna play for the veto.” Jeff basically throws a little boy tantrum and gets pissed saying he can’t believe Kevin is going back on his word. Kevin says it would be incredibly stupid for him to hand Jeff all the power. Jeff says he had a free ride to the final 4 and now he regrets taking Kevin off the block. Jeff wants to know what Natalie will do if she wins the veto. Kevin says she’ll keep noms the same and so will he. Jeff will be safe. Kevin is honoring the meat of their deal which was to keep Jeff safe. Jeff stomps his foot and pouts that he "got got". Kevin says he’s not going to be stupid like Marcellas. He won’t go out that way.

OK Jeffy Pooh why don't you acknowledge that Kevin made a good play? I mean, isn't that what you demanded Russell do? Let's call a spade a spade here and cut the bullshit. Jeffy Pooh, YOU GOT GOT! AHAHAHA!!!

The nomination cermony takes place and Michele and Jeff are on the block.

I forgot to mention that Natalie is back to being in Super Ragamuffin Mode. She's running all over the house drooling and snarling spreading her lies. She talks nonstop and is working overtime. I've noticed a pattern with her. When Natalie is safe and in power is when she goes into Super Ragamuffin Mode. I prefer Natalie when she's threatened and has to fight for herself. I'm rooting her on at this point, but when she spends all day yammering and cramming chips into her mouth I must admit I get a little annoyed. Power suits some people (like me!) but it does not suit the Ragamuffin.

Natalie is in full on pestering mode and she tells Kevin that Michele already told Jordan she’s going after Natalie and Kevin next week. All day Natalie has been hinting that they should get rid of Michele. Strategically, it's not a bad move, but getting rid of Jeff would be better. As much as it pains me to say it, I think I want Michele to stay this week. I know, I know, what the hell am I talking about? Look at this from my perspective... Michele is blog gold. I can make fun of her forever. Jeffy Pooh is boring and trying my last nerve, but Michele and her breakdowns are pure comedy.

You guys have got to see the BEST screenshot I've ever captured in the history of screenshots. I should get a big award for how genius this is. This has not been manipulated in any way. This is what I saw on my screen. Now tell me that doesn't remind you of Maryane from True Blood:

Kevin disagrees with Natalie and says, “The more and more I think about it Jeff has to go.” Uh oh... a chubby menopausal woman just landed on my front door step. She jumped out of a plane I think. Can someone come over and please remove her? She's starting to smell.

All day long BB was building something outside. Natalie thinks it can’t be dates or a memory wall since they’re building something. I HATE it when the HG's try to guess what's going on and make up crazy explanations as to why they feel the way they do. Jordan is the queen of this. You'll see later how she comes to the most random conclusion about competitions.

Natalie tells Kevin that Michele is going after them no matter what. She says if Jeff wins he’ll go after them too. Kevin is getting too confused and he shouts, “Fuck! Now you just made me flop to Michele.”
Natalie says, “Jeff is coming after us too, but Michele is dumb enough to vocalize it.” Jesus Ragamuffin. Who the hell do you want out? Jeff or Michele. Make up your mind cuz you can't have both.
Natalie is insistant that HOH next week means nothing and that it’s all POV. This is probably just her way of excusing herself if she loses again.

Kevin and Natalie turn their conversation into all things lighthearted and proceed to laugh about how they were the architects of Russell’s eviction. It's true. They were. Even Jeff said that he told Julie he put Russ up because of what other people were saying. Kevin says, "Jeff’s biggest mistake was winning HOH last week." He should have let Kevin win last week, then Jeff would win this week, and then he could easily get rid of Natalie or Kevin. What Kevin says is true. Jeff fucked up. That Coupy Dee Tatty power went to his head and he got power hungry. His megalomaniac ways really shocked me and it's not surprising they completely fucked up his game. Many of you may have thought he was pretty to look at, but his appeal ends there. He played like a moron and he believed the wrong people. I can only applaud the manipulators and point and laugh and that one who "got got".

The Terribly Terrific Twosome discuss all the scenarios for who would go up depending on who wins HOH. Nat comes to the conclusion that HOH next week is indeed important. She has to win it to ensure they are both safe. Well, good luck with that Ragamuffin. Personally, I'd love to see her win and finally shut up all the people who mock her for losing all the time. Sure she's lost, but she's still here isn't she? Russell won a lot and Jeff won a lot... look where they are now.

Kevin goes on to say, “He [Jeff] honestly thought I was going to give him another HOH and let him control me.” LOL Jeff's ego played tricks with his mind. That episode of CHARMED was right. Pride is most difficult evil to get rid of. Kevin concludes “We lulled him into thinking we would be stupid enough to do that. That was awesome of us.” Awww come here Mr. O'Shaugnessy. Give me some sugar. He loves to stick his face in between "the girls". Motorboat away my precious.

Well, I'm in a good mood now. It turns out BB was in a good mood too. One of my favorite BB past times is when the BB crew scares the HG's. I fucking love it! The all time best scare was Josh from BB9. Who can forget when Big Brother scared the bejesus out of him in his undies. Please to enjoy:

The merriment has made it's way into BB11. This time BB dressed up like aliens and tried to scare Jordan over and over again. Unfortunately, the feedsters never really got a close look of the aliens, but the HG's had fun trying to catch them and here are some photos of the silliness:

While everyone was having fun trying to find aliens, Michele, the ultimate buzzkill, was preparing for another breakdown. Mr. O'Shaugnessy I need you! Bring me my opium and get your little ass under the desk. OK is everyone ready? I know I am. Let's begin.

Michele overheard Jeff and the others joking around about Pandora's Box. Jeff was calling everyone liars including Michele while he speculated that Kevin knew more than he was letting on. Michele heard the "liar" part and that was all she needed. The voices went to work. She began to shuffle about the house talking to herself and making faces. A little faster Mr. O'Shaugnessy!

She went into her pseudo padded room and proceeded to initiate the waterworks. It's got bubble wrap on the wall so I think it totally counts. She begins to mutter, "I have to win the veto. I have to win the veto."

I began to feel the immense pleasure that only a leprechaun could give me and then it happened. Dear god... it happened.

*kicks Mr. O'Shaugnessy where it counts, throws the opium pipe at the window, and flees behind the couch* What in the name of all that is holy is she looking at?!? Make her stop. Please god make her stop.

Gah! Where did I put my holy water? *tears through my box of potions and notions* Where did I put that damn holy water I stole from church? Her head is gonna to start spinning at any minute and the power of Christ is compelling me to take action.

Oh no... nothing good can come out of a face like that. Nothing good at all. She's plotting something. My death perhaps?

OK I'm just going to block those terrible images out of my mind and get on to what you all want to know about.... the midnight POV. Yes, last night there was a POV competition and it was the infamous morphing comp. The cameraman clued feedsters in on it early by focusing and refocusing on the memory wall. Kevin and Natalie actually studied the wall beforehand and cleverly put playing cards over parts of the HG's faces in order to study their features. Michele had studied the wall in the past and she spent her pre POV time taunting me and counting things. Jeff and Jordan, on the other hand, layed in bed scratching each other and talking about how they hope they get to keep their money. You dumb fucking twits!

Lo and behold, Michele wins POV. I don't know whether to be happy or not at this point. Jeff or Jordan will definitely be going home this week and that's party worthy, but Michele will be smug and that's hot poker worthy. So yeah, Ass Licker is a winner and she gloats and makes fun of Jeff for not studying the memory wall. Natalie and Kevin feign happiness and congratulate Michele. I have a feeling they're feeling much the same I am. They're happy to split up Jeff and Jordan, but they're pissed Michele gets to gloat. Natalie and Kevin want some gloating time too so they tell Michele that it was their plan all along to get rid of Jeff. Smart kiddies. Set yourself up to be in her good graces next week.

This may surprise everyone, but Natalie actually almost won. She beat Jordan by 6 seconds. I think it's better she didn't win. Let Michele do the dirty work of removing herself. If Natalie had won and didn't remove Jeff, then everyone would just be pissed off at her and that wouldn't serve her well in the future. So bask in your loss Ragamuffin. It's the best possible outcome for you.

Jordan, wallowing in sadness and idiocy, tells Jeff she'll tell everyone to vote her out so Jeff can stay. What a stupid cunt. What the hell is she doing in this game? She's going to risk a half a million dollars for a guy she won't even fuck. Poppycock! Jeff tells her to stop being ridiculous and try to win the damn game so she can buy her mom a house. He tells her to study and study hard and to make a deal with Natalie and get her ass into the Final 3.

Jeff knows he got got, but will he admit it? Will he go out with grace and dignity and admit that Natalie and Kevin made a good move? I'm not sure. He's pretty bitter right now and rightly so, but after a week of preaching to Russell over how it's all just a game I wonder if he'll be setting off my hypocradar this week.

In addition, is Allison Grodner thinking up new powers to give to Jeff? Is she scrambling to keep him in the game? I hope not. He got got and now he's got to go home.

My only hope for this week is that Jordan gives Jeff a sympathy fuck. That would please me immensely. It's her only way of redeeming herself to me at this point. Actually, I'd also like to see Jeff and Jordan campaign against each other. That would be fun I think. I doubt it'll happen, but a girl can dream.

So that's where we're at? Are you guys all freaking out Jeffy Pooh is going?. Are you taking your anger out on me? What the hell was up with my blogs getting only 1 comment each yesterday? You made Mr. O'Shaugnessy cry. I get thousands of hits here everyday and only a handful of you ever make comments. Well, that is coming to an end today. Anyone can leave a comment and they can leave it anonymously (it's always been this way). I want every single one of you to apologize to Mr. O'Shaugnessy and tell him something complimentary. He's punching himself in the face right now - he learned it from Michele - and it's breaking my heart. He needs love people. Please don't let him down.

Keep voting for BBTop50! We're back in the #1 spot thanks to all those hormonal baby makers I think, but that doesn't mean you should stop voting. The other evil sites get all pissed off that a foul mouthed leprechaun owner is at the top so I'm sure they're rallying their troops right now.