I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning. Wanna know why? I had a dream last night where I made Michele cry. HAHA! It was beautiful. I had won tickets to an indoor baseball game (I hate baseball btw) and I was with all these women who smoked and dressed really bad. Basically, it was like the cast of My Antonio. So we're there at the baseball game and I went to find a bar. Typical. I talked to the bartender and managed to get our tickets upgraded to VIP seats at a Bon Jovi concert (don't ask me why... haven't seen them in ages... haven't listened to them in years). Obviously, the ladies were pleased and we went to our hotel rooms to get ready for the concert. I left the ladies because, quite frankly, they were annoying and I hated them all. Instead, I snuck backstage and started talking/flirting with Richie Sambora (ewww I find him repulsive, Jon is much cuter). As you can imagine, the other ladies were jealous beyond belief so they went to find their seats without me. By the time I got back to hotel room everyone was gone and the place was trashed. I fixed my hair, touched up my lipstick, and went down to the concert venue. Those bitches had stolen my ticket so I couldn't get in. I pretended I was part of a large group of kids and I snuck in with them. When I got to the VIP seats this bitch with dishwater reddish hair was trying to sell my ticket. I grabbed her by the shoulder, spun her around, and discovered it was Michele. I started to yell at her and she started stuttering and stammering. I screamed, "You thought you could sell my fucking ticket behind my back?!? Who the hell do you think you are?!?" She started to cry and begged me to forgive her. I snatched my ticket out of her hand and she really started to weep saying she didn't mean to do it and that she was sorry. I got a security guards attention and he came over and took the psycho bitch away. Yay! Lala saves the day and there is one less neurotic bitch at the Bon Jovi concert. I win. OK psychology students... analyze that one.
Let me tell ya, my dream was way more exciting than the stinky house was. The HG's literally slept all day long. They woke up to eat a carbalicious meal and then Jordan, doing the Bizarro World Atkins Diet, went to bed to lie down and let all those carbs afix themselves to her ever growing ass.
Earlier in the afternoon the HG's were told about tonight's Live Eviction. They were ALL instructed to pack (even Kevin) and I managed to get another freaky screenshot of Sybil... er I mean Michele. It hasn't been photoshopped at all, but it features 2 Michele's packing. One is ghost like and the other is pixellated beyond recognition. The word SHALLOW is prophetically prominent.
Ok so this brings me to a funny little anecdote. Some chat hags were discussing how sad it is to see Michele pack. Fooey! It's not sad, it's funny. Someone actually said that Michele exhibited grace and class throughout her BB experience. Come again. GRACE and CLASS? Since when is it graceful to eat your food with your mouth open while you smack your lips and swallow loud enough for people in the next room to hear you? How classy is it to announce how you like to shove things up your ass while having a penchant for licking other people's rectums? Grace and class are Jackie Kennedy, Grace Kelly, Ava Gardner, Gil Harbord (Tell me who Gil Harbord is in the comments and you're a winner!). Michele "Ass Licker" Noonan is the farthest thing EVER from anything graceful or classy. I'll say that Michele has played this game nicer and kinder than some others, but no way in hell has she played it with grace and class. To say that is just stupid. Once again I'm reminded of a Seinfeld episode. Here's a little quiz today for all my readers: Which Seinfeld episode does the "grace and class" remark remind me of? Post your guesses in the comments.
What prompted the grace and class remark I think was the fact that Michele was looking for her gloves. You know the ones... the ones the Ragamuffin took and hid away from her. Personally, I think it's funny. Mr. O'Shaugnessy is always hiding my keys and money. He never wants me to leave him so he hides my car keys any chance he gets. The only problem is he always hides them in the same place... down his pants. Ba dum bum! He's so precious. So yeah Michele can't find her gloves and I think it's funny. Ragamuffin is indeed repulsive and getting on my last nerve, but she's entertaining and she gives me something to write about so I'll thank her for the material and go about my business. If Michele was smart she would have squished Kevin and Natalie's Play Doh calendar into one big ball when she had the chance. That's what I would have done.
Literally, zero happened yesterday, but last night we had one juicy convo in the HOH. Ragmuffin and Kevin are discussing taking Michele out and it gets a little heated. It began simply enough. Kevin was filling Ragmuffin in on a discussion he had earlier with Jordan and Michele. Jordan told Kevin that if he wanted her to drop in Part 1 in the HOH competition all he has to do is wink at her. Wow. Kevin totally lucked out. He laughed retelling this to Ragamuffin saying he didn't even have to ask Jordan to do anything like that. She just came right out and offered. Ragamuffin says, "Perfect!" and Kevin says, "I know. Mission Accomplished." The only caveat is that Ragamuffin has to fall first. If the Ragamuffin falls, then Jordan will too. Ragamuffin tells Kevin, "I'm not falling before her because I don't trust her."
Kevin goes on to tell Ragamuffin how Jordan told him she's just going along with Natalie making her feel like they're a team so that, in the end, Natalie may feel some sympathy for Jordan. The look on Ragamuffin's face was not one of joy. It was one of a mild realization that, in a way, she got got. Remember how Natalie and Jordan have a Final 2 deal. I'm thinking Ragamuffin does not like hearing that Jordan may have been playing her. Kevin tells Ragamuffin how Jordan said she's been nice to Natalie so she'll hopefully fall before Jordan in the HOH. As funny as this is, I'm kind of pisssed that Kevin is telling this to Ragamuffin. The only reasoning I can see behind this is if Kevin is deliberately trying to drive a wedge in between Natalie and Jordan. If he's doing that, then I can forgive him. I'll always give Kevin the benefit of the doubt.
Kevin continues to tell Ragamuffin how Jordan's plan all along was to go to Final 2 with Michele. She wanted Michele to stay so that they could take Natalie out together. Jordan never wanted to go to Final 2 with Natalie because Natalie would beat her in the end. Jordan apparently ended the conversation telling Kevin she wanted a Final 2 with him because she's feels like it would be 50/50 in the jury vote. At that point in Kevin's convo with Jordan Michele came in and told Kevin that if he got Natalie out she'd only have 2 days to wreak havoc on the Jury House. Kevin corrected her telling her that she would have 5 days, not 2. Ragamuffin is listening to all of this and she's getting pissed. I can tell. The wheels in her brain were starting to steam and work overtime. Jordan and Michele were trying to convince Kevin that he couldn't win against Natalie. Michele said that she knows she can only win 2nd place and that, at this point, she wants to play for the $50,000.
Ragamuffin asks Kevin again about Jordan. Kevin says the DR pretty much raped him and told him to keep Michele this week. Wha... wha... what?!? Then we got fish. I knew it. I fucking knew they wanted Michele to win. Look, I don't particularly want the Ragamuffin to win either but Big Brother should NOT be interfering like that. It's completely unfair and manipulative and it's really pissing me off. The feeds come back and he's telling Ragamuffin that if he keeps Jordan he has a chance o win $50,000, but if he keeps Michele he actually has a chance at winning the $500,000. Ragamuffin says, "If Michele stays, I'm not throwing HOH to you. I'm not. I've done these competitions before and I won't lose." What the fuck is she talking about? They've had 2 endurance comps and she completely fucked them up and LOST. She then tells Kevin, "If you screw me you lose me as a friend and you definitely won't have my jury vote." Kevin says, "Right." Ragamuffin adds, "And you won't have Jessie's vote." Oh who the fuck is she kidding? Jessie may be a total douche bag, but he's not going to let Natalie tell him how to vote. We've already seen how Jessie plans to vote purely on the best game play. He's been getting the poontang from Lydia all this time. Natalie has zero power over him anymore. I firmly believe that.
Kevin tries to tell Ragamuffin more of what the DR told him and we get fish again. Dammit! BB really doesn't want us to hear how they're totally manipulating this game. Feeds come back and Ragmuffin is all heated going over how the votes will go depending on who Kevin keeps. She tells him that if he keeps Michele she'll get Natalie's vote, Jeff's vote, Jordan's vote, and Jessie's vote GUARANTEED. She'll have 4 votes guaranteed. She lays it out for if he takes Jordan too. If he takes Jordan, she'll also have 4 votes. Basically, she's threatening Kevin saying that if he doen't take her to Final 2 she'll never vote for him and she'll get Jessie to not for him too. Here's my problem with this... it's completely PERSONAL! The 2 biggest meatheads on the planet (Russ and Jessie) aren't even planning on voting personal. The Ragamuffin, on the other hand, holds grudges. I really wonder if she'd vote to give Michele $500,000 though. I mean, she loathes Michele. Would she really vote to give her half a million out of spite or are these simply threats so Kevin will keep her? Ragamuffin tells Kevin, "With ME you have a 50/50 shot." She says, "The best shot we have is against each other... and PRODUCTION needs to stay out of it." Then we immediately get fish. LOL
When the feeds come back Ragamuffin has an evil look on her face. I'm scared. Kevin says, "I'm not supposed to lose sleep. Those bitches are supposed to lose sleep." Ragamuffin says, "Why are you losing sleep? I didn't lose sleep over Jeff!" Kevin says the DR fucked with his head and he doesn't know what to think now. He wonders if he's being stupid by evicting Michele. Ragamuffin says half jokingly, "Keep Michele and watch what I do!" Kevin laughs and sighs. He says, "Do they fuck with everybody as much..." Then we get fish. WTF! Feeds come back and Ragamuffin says, "Kevin, it pisses me off that you're even considering the thought though. The fact that you're even considering it means that it's ok for you to betray me." Kevin says, "No no no no, time out." Ragamuffin won't shut up. She says how she never even considered it. She never even considered keeping Jeff no matter what the DR told her. Then guess what happens. Yup. We get fish.
Feeds come back for maybe 5 seconds and Ragamuffin is still yelling at Kevin. Kevin is saying, "Wait a minute... whoa whoa whoa. I said they're [the DR] making me consider it." Grrrr... fish again. Feeds come back and Kevin is telling her how he's had many times to get rid of her and he never has. Ragamuffin, not to be outdone, says she's saved him too. She says, "I could have never gotten this far without you and you could have never gotten this far without me." Kevin asks, "Then why are you tripping? Why are you tripping?" They hoot and holler a little bit more saying the same shit over and over again and Kevin wonders if Memphis and Dan went through this too. Ragamuffin continues, "I mean, this is bullshit... I swear if you keep her..." Kevin laughs and says, "You're going crazy. Seriously, stop! I just got raped in a DR session. I need some support." Ragamuffin says, "I'm gonna rape you!" Then, yes, fish.
Feeds come back to Kevin saying, "Nothing's changing. Stop tripping." Ragamuffin says, "Bitch is going home tomorrow." Kevin says, "Michele will be going home tomorrow and Operation Delete The Middle Row will be a success." Kevin asks her if she's entertaining thoughts the DR are giving her and she says, "No! I shut them down immediately!" Fish. Feeds come back to Ragamuffin saying how vengeful she is. She wants Kevin to go wake up Michele right now and tell her he's made a decision. He says he'll do it in the morning. He'll ask Jordan if she's ready for Final 2 status meaning that she needs to be ready to throw the HOH tomorrow if he needs her to. Ragamuffin licks her paws and says, "Now that it's crunch time you all will see why I got chosen as an athlete. I'm serious!" Kevin says nothing and chuckles to himself. Ragamuffin continues, "I will knock somebody out. I will cut a bitch. I will bite a ear off." Kevin just giggles and puts his head down into one of his fabulous scarves. He says, "See? That's what scares me! I'm on your team and you're talking like that." Ragamuffin tells him he'll have no problems as long as he doesn't keep Michele.
Convo turns to HOH comp and Kevin wants to be sure that Ragamuffin will fall if Jordan falls. Ragamuffin says that she's gonna hold on for a little bit more and Kevin wants her to promise him that she'll fall. She said she'll give Kevin the competition but she wants it to be realistic so she won't fall immediately. Kevin says he'll give her a warning by saying, "Natalie girl, I have one minute left." Then they argue some more about who should throw which part of the HOH. They're both just getting paranoid pre HOH jitters. Ragamuffin claims she knows she can win the endurance. No one can beat her if she wants to win. LOL "Me throwing endurance is HUGE!"
The paranoia continues and they keep talking in circles. Here's what I want to happen. I want Ragmuffin to fall first, Kevin to win endurance. I'd like Jordan to win Part 2 just to piss off the Ragamuffin. Then I want Kevin to win Part 3. That way the end would be a nail biter and Kevin would have a tough decision to make.
I totally made a mistake yesterday when I mentioned the contest. The Big Bitchy Contest is still going on until today at 5 PM EST. Finalists will be announced tomorrow.
Tonight is going to be a great CBS show. I will be tweeting updates throughout the endurance HOH. I hope it's a long one. Have a great day everyone!