Where's The Lust?

Now I'm not an overly sappy romantic kind of gal. I loathe couples who dress alike especially if it's in head to toe denim. Flowers delivered don't get my panties in a twist. And phrases like "make love" seem ridiculous to me. On the other hand, I love movies like Gone With The Wind, Something's Gotta Give, 9 1/2 Weeks, Practical Magic, The Libertine, etc. all for the romance. I realize 9 1/2 Weeks and The Libertine (one of my favorite movies) aren't technically "romantic" films, but there was some hot unbridled sexy lust going on and that's pretty effing romantic in my twisted little world. I mean, come on, when Lizzie Barry is covering her eyes when the Lord Rochester is working her over because she doesn't want him to see how much pleasure he giving her. Now, that's hot. Johnny Depp giving anyone sexy time is hot, but I digress. While I'm not googly eyes romantic I can appreciate a good sexy moment. Yes, that's the point I'm trying to make here. What transpired last night on the Big Brother program had to be the most unromantic marriage proposal in the history of marriage proposals. Let's discuss.

As it turns out the Ragamuffin was telling the truth after all. I had a feeling she was. The Jessie conspiracy theories were getting too outta control. I swore I'd never make fun of an HG's family members or friends so I'll just say this, Ragamuffin's boyfriend seemed nervous, uncomfortable, and completely void of emotion that I have to wonder if CBS didn't push for that proposal. I mean, he dropped to his knee immediately. There was zero build up, zero anticipation, and zero pay off. Ragamuffin said, "Are you serious?" and then made him get up. Poor guy had no idea she was saying yes and had to ask her for clarification. It was yucky to watch - even from my giant martini glass filled with glitter. I had to make Mr. O'Shaugnessy go sit in the corner for a while by himself because I was so completely turned off. Speaking of Mr. O'Shaugnessy, he didn't care for that little person dressed as a cat at all. He began spitting at the tv screen and screaming Celtic curses. Oh and that episode of Charmed where Rose McGowan befriends a leprechaun... forget about it. My Baccarat crystal ends up smashed on the floor and all the strings on my thongs get snipped off. Mr. O'Shaugnessy is one very jealous leprechaun.

Another thing to discuss about that show last night is Kevin. I heart him so much for not falling for the Ragamuffin's bullshit. I'm extremely pleased to see that he really doesn't care for her. He's consistently giving me good DR and I'm wearing a long fair isle fringed number in his honor today. Oh before I forget, Michele's poses during that Luxury Comp made me want to douse myself in holy water and start speaking in tongues. I hate her. I loathe her. I highly disdain her.(Hi Cole!) Having said that, I'm still undecided as to whether or not she should go this week. More on that later.

So anyways the house yesterday was soooooo slow. After all the eating and sleeping was done, there wasn't much time for anything else. Yesterday afternoon Jordan was going through all her clothes and she decided to declutter a little bit. Hot Fudge Bertha can't fit into many of her clothes anymore so she decided to give them to Michele. I was forced to watch Michele giggle and pose as she tried on Jordan's throwaways. This time I decided to puncture a kidney with my hot poker. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It felt warm and almost calm. Anyhow, Jordan is giving Michele all her clothes and the chat hags decided Jordan was ready for sainthood. "She's so selfless!", "She has such a good heart.", "Jordan is so sweet!" Oh give me a fucking break. Who hasn't done a little deluttering and given away a bunch of crap they no longer want. If shit doesn't fit you anymore or it's gone out of style, you get rid of it. Furthermore, I'll go as far as to say that maybe Jordan was sucking up to Michele to get her vote in the Final 2. If you're gonna kiss some ass in Big Brother, now's the time to do it. Oh and after Michele tried on all the new clothes, she went right back to wearing her stinky pit stained ugly green shirt she wears everyday. Vomit.

Then Jordan and Michele went out in the BY and played with those question card things again. You remember the ones. They have thought provoking questions on them and it's supposed to be fun. Well, I knew Jordan and Michele wouldn't be entertaining so I pitched to the chat room that we answer the questions that were being asked as well. It was interesting. I think I was the only one who thought art was more important than science. Most everyone would want to travel more before they die. Sex was a very popular answer to the question of what's most important in a marriage. We all look for loyalty when it comes to friendships and just about everyone would throw a huge party on a yacht or a beach if they had the means. The Renaissance came up as a time period someone would want to travel back to. I said 1920's Paris. I mean , come on... salons, Gertrude Stein, Hemmingway, Ezra Pound, Picasso, Matisse, F. Scott Fitzgerald... angst and expression all rolled up in a divine pretentious package. Fabulous.

When the game first started Jordan answered almost every question with a food product. I'm so not kidding. Any question where sex was a possible answer Michele would refuse to answer. NOW she's afraid of hurting her husband by talking about sex. She was never afraid before, but NOW it makes her uncomfortable. I'm gonna bet $100 that Michele and her hubby are swingers. Something about her just gives me that swinger vibe and, after seeing her husband, I'll bet he's game too. Eventually Kevin wakes up and wanders into the backyard to join the girls. They play for a little longer and then end it when Jordan decides she hasn't had her 5000 calorie intake for the day.

Kevin and Michele move to the hammock and they begin to talk game. The topic of conversation is the Ragamuffin. Kevin is appearing to Michele like he's seriously considering keeping her so they can go after Natalie together. After seeing last night's CBS show I think he might be serious. He really doesn't trust her anymore. Kevin thinks he can't win against Natalie in the Final 2 and that with Michele he has a better chance. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I really want the Ass Licker gone, but I also really want Kevin to win. I think Natalie would 100% turn on Kevin if she won the Final HOH. She'd take Jordan with her to the end over Kevin. As long as Kevin wins BB11 I don't care who he takes with him to the end. Yes, that includes Michele. I suppose I could let her stay around for another week as long as Kevin wins in the end. I could make fun of her some more and that always makes me feel good.

The Ragamuffin awakes from her hibernation, shuffles outside, and demands Kevin go over to her to play pool. He goes, even though you can tell he didn't want to, and Ragamuffin begins pushing him for info. Kevin tells her what he talked about with Michele and how Michele told him that if she goes home this week he won't have her vote in the Final 2. She also tells Natalie that Michele told him how Natalie was after him. Ragamuffin digs her claws in the pool table and says, "How would Michele know what I think? I never talk to her." It's clear Ragamuffin is getting defensive and Kevin just continues to tell her what she wants to hear. I can't tell if he's lying to her or just appeasing her. He's very internal and I never really know his true feelings until I see his DR's.

Later, Kevin spends some time alone thinking in the BY and I'm dying to hear his inner monologue. While I hope it was, "I can't trust that biznatch Natalie. I might have to cut a bitch." I can't help but wonder if it was simply, "Will that new yellow scarf go with my aqua pedal pushers?" I guess we'll find out tomorrow night what he's up to.

Ragamuffin eventually goes outside and she's really pushing for them to drive a wedge in between Jordan and Michele. Kevin begins to wonder what's the point and Natalie says that Michele will teach Jordan all the dates and important events for the final memory competition. The conversation turns to all things Satanic and by that, I mean, Michele. Ragamuffin says how she's the devil and how she can't believe she's trying to make a deal with Kevin. Ragamuffin keeps telling Kevin how Michele talked about getting him out as soon as possible and Ragamuffin assures him that he can't trust anything Michele says. Kevin tells her he knows what Michele is up to and that he's simply trying to figure out how to get a jury vote out of her.

Then they go over their plans for the Final HOH competition. The plan is to take Jordan to Final 3. Kevin will win the endurance part. Natalie has agreed to throw it to him so he only has to beat Jordan. Kevin is now worried that Jordan will beat Natalie in Part 2. Natalie scoffs and bares her fangs. No way in hell would Jordan beat her! She's going to play like her life depends on it. She'll blow Jordan out of the water. Blah blah blah. You can tell Kevin totally wants to roll his eyes. He tells Ragamuffin that Jordan has beat her or almost beat her in every comp so far. Ragamuffin begins to drool and scratch behind her ears claiming that she didn't really "try" and that she'll blow Jordan away in anything mental.

Later in the evening Kevin, Ragmuffin, and Jelly Bean Jane are sitting around the hot tub. Kevin gets up and goes inside. Immediately, Jordan begins fretting over whether or not Kevin will keep her. She thinks he's leaning towards keeping Michele and Ragmuffin tells her that Kevin will do whatever she says. She advises Jordan to tell Kevin that he can beat Jordan in the Final 2 even though their (Natalie and Jordan) plan is to go to the Final 2 together. Then the Ragamuffin, perhaps rejuventated by the full moon, says something even I thought she'd never say. She tells Jordan she'll throw the HOH endurance comp, but that Jordan has to win it. She tells Jordan she can totally beat Kevin in the second part and that Jordan needs to win the first part. *throws hands up in the air* OK I have NO idea what Natalie is doing. I'm under her spell again. Is she lying to Kevin or is she lying to Jordan? I have no fucking clue.

That's about it for yesterday. Pretty slow day. It will continue to be slow from here on out. The next BIG thing to look forward to is Part 1 of the HOH. It's usually pretty good. Let's just hope it's nothing like the one in BB9. That was horrible. I think it was over before the feeds came back up. BB8 was the greatest of course. That shit lasted hours and hours and hours and we saw it all. I'm kind of hoping for something like that this time around. Something tells me we won't be getting anything anywhere near that if it's too physically challenging.

Tomorrow is your last chance to enter the Big Bitchy Contest so make sure to get your entries in by 5:00 PM EST Tuesday. Go ahead and post them in yesterdays contest blog. I'll be going over them tomorrow and should have the finalists announced by tomorrow evening. You'll be able to vote for your favorites and I'll let you guys pick the winner so it's totally fair. Have a great Labor Day everyone!