Monday, September 7, 2009

Where's The Lust?

Now I'm not an overly sappy romantic kind of gal. I loathe couples who dress alike especially if it's in head to toe denim. Flowers delivered don't get my panties in a twist. And phrases like "make love" seem ridiculous to me. On the other hand, I love movies like Gone With The Wind, Something's Gotta Give, 9 1/2 Weeks, Practical Magic, The Libertine, etc. all for the romance. I realize 9 1/2 Weeks and The Libertine (one of my favorite movies) aren't technically "romantic" films, but there was some hot unbridled sexy lust going on and that's pretty effing romantic in my twisted little world. I mean, come on, when Lizzie Barry is covering her eyes when the Lord Rochester is working her over because she doesn't want him to see how much pleasure he giving her. Now, that's hot. Johnny Depp giving anyone sexy time is hot, but I digress. While I'm not googly eyes romantic I can appreciate a good sexy moment. Yes, that's the point I'm trying to make here. What transpired last night on the Big Brother program had to be the most unromantic marriage proposal in the history of marriage proposals. Let's discuss.

As it turns out the Ragamuffin was telling the truth after all. I had a feeling she was. The Jessie conspiracy theories were getting too outta control. I swore I'd never make fun of an HG's family members or friends so I'll just say this, Ragamuffin's boyfriend seemed nervous, uncomfortable, and completely void of emotion that I have to wonder if CBS didn't push for that proposal. I mean, he dropped to his knee immediately. There was zero build up, zero anticipation, and zero pay off. Ragamuffin said, "Are you serious?" and then made him get up. Poor guy had no idea she was saying yes and had to ask her for clarification. It was yucky to watch - even from my giant martini glass filled with glitter. I had to make Mr. O'Shaugnessy go sit in the corner for a while by himself because I was so completely turned off. Speaking of Mr. O'Shaugnessy, he didn't care for that little person dressed as a cat at all. He began spitting at the tv screen and screaming Celtic curses. Oh and that episode of Charmed where Rose McGowan befriends a leprechaun... forget about it. My Baccarat crystal ends up smashed on the floor and all the strings on my thongs get snipped off. Mr. O'Shaugnessy is one very jealous leprechaun.

Another thing to discuss about that show last night is Kevin. I heart him so much for not falling for the Ragamuffin's bullshit. I'm extremely pleased to see that he really doesn't care for her. He's consistently giving me good DR and I'm wearing a long fair isle fringed number in his honor today. Oh before I forget, Michele's poses during that Luxury Comp made me want to douse myself in holy water and start speaking in tongues. I hate her. I loathe her. I highly disdain her.(Hi Cole!) Having said that, I'm still undecided as to whether or not she should go this week. More on that later.

So anyways the house yesterday was soooooo slow. After all the eating and sleeping was done, there wasn't much time for anything else. Yesterday afternoon Jordan was going through all her clothes and she decided to declutter a little bit. Hot Fudge Bertha can't fit into many of her clothes anymore so she decided to give them to Michele. I was forced to watch Michele giggle and pose as she tried on Jordan's throwaways. This time I decided to puncture a kidney with my hot poker. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. It felt warm and almost calm. Anyhow, Jordan is giving Michele all her clothes and the chat hags decided Jordan was ready for sainthood. "She's so selfless!", "She has such a good heart.", "Jordan is so sweet!" Oh give me a fucking break. Who hasn't done a little deluttering and given away a bunch of crap they no longer want. If shit doesn't fit you anymore or it's gone out of style, you get rid of it. Furthermore, I'll go as far as to say that maybe Jordan was sucking up to Michele to get her vote in the Final 2. If you're gonna kiss some ass in Big Brother, now's the time to do it. Oh and after Michele tried on all the new clothes, she went right back to wearing her stinky pit stained ugly green shirt she wears everyday. Vomit.

Then Jordan and Michele went out in the BY and played with those question card things again. You remember the ones. They have thought provoking questions on them and it's supposed to be fun. Well, I knew Jordan and Michele wouldn't be entertaining so I pitched to the chat room that we answer the questions that were being asked as well. It was interesting. I think I was the only one who thought art was more important than science. Most everyone would want to travel more before they die. Sex was a very popular answer to the question of what's most important in a marriage. We all look for loyalty when it comes to friendships and just about everyone would throw a huge party on a yacht or a beach if they had the means. The Renaissance came up as a time period someone would want to travel back to. I said 1920's Paris. I mean , come on... salons, Gertrude Stein, Hemmingway, Ezra Pound, Picasso, Matisse, F. Scott Fitzgerald... angst and expression all rolled up in a divine pretentious package. Fabulous.

When the game first started Jordan answered almost every question with a food product. I'm so not kidding. Any question where sex was a possible answer Michele would refuse to answer. NOW she's afraid of hurting her husband by talking about sex. She was never afraid before, but NOW it makes her uncomfortable. I'm gonna bet $100 that Michele and her hubby are swingers. Something about her just gives me that swinger vibe and, after seeing her husband, I'll bet he's game too. Eventually Kevin wakes up and wanders into the backyard to join the girls. They play for a little longer and then end it when Jordan decides she hasn't had her 5000 calorie intake for the day.

Kevin and Michele move to the hammock and they begin to talk game. The topic of conversation is the Ragamuffin. Kevin is appearing to Michele like he's seriously considering keeping her so they can go after Natalie together. After seeing last night's CBS show I think he might be serious. He really doesn't trust her anymore. Kevin thinks he can't win against Natalie in the Final 2 and that with Michele he has a better chance. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I really want the Ass Licker gone, but I also really want Kevin to win. I think Natalie would 100% turn on Kevin if she won the Final HOH. She'd take Jordan with her to the end over Kevin. As long as Kevin wins BB11 I don't care who he takes with him to the end. Yes, that includes Michele. I suppose I could let her stay around for another week as long as Kevin wins in the end. I could make fun of her some more and that always makes me feel good.

The Ragamuffin awakes from her hibernation, shuffles outside, and demands Kevin go over to her to play pool. He goes, even though you can tell he didn't want to, and Ragamuffin begins pushing him for info. Kevin tells her what he talked about with Michele and how Michele told him that if she goes home this week he won't have her vote in the Final 2. She also tells Natalie that Michele told him how Natalie was after him. Ragamuffin digs her claws in the pool table and says, "How would Michele know what I think? I never talk to her." It's clear Ragamuffin is getting defensive and Kevin just continues to tell her what she wants to hear. I can't tell if he's lying to her or just appeasing her. He's very internal and I never really know his true feelings until I see his DR's.

Later, Kevin spends some time alone thinking in the BY and I'm dying to hear his inner monologue. While I hope it was, "I can't trust that biznatch Natalie. I might have to cut a bitch." I can't help but wonder if it was simply, "Will that new yellow scarf go with my aqua pedal pushers?" I guess we'll find out tomorrow night what he's up to.

Ragamuffin eventually goes outside and she's really pushing for them to drive a wedge in between Jordan and Michele. Kevin begins to wonder what's the point and Natalie says that Michele will teach Jordan all the dates and important events for the final memory competition. The conversation turns to all things Satanic and by that, I mean, Michele. Ragamuffin says how she's the devil and how she can't believe she's trying to make a deal with Kevin. Ragamuffin keeps telling Kevin how Michele talked about getting him out as soon as possible and Ragamuffin assures him that he can't trust anything Michele says. Kevin tells her he knows what Michele is up to and that he's simply trying to figure out how to get a jury vote out of her.

Then they go over their plans for the Final HOH competition. The plan is to take Jordan to Final 3. Kevin will win the endurance part. Natalie has agreed to throw it to him so he only has to beat Jordan. Kevin is now worried that Jordan will beat Natalie in Part 2. Natalie scoffs and bares her fangs. No way in hell would Jordan beat her! She's going to play like her life depends on it. She'll blow Jordan out of the water. Blah blah blah. You can tell Kevin totally wants to roll his eyes. He tells Ragamuffin that Jordan has beat her or almost beat her in every comp so far. Ragamuffin begins to drool and scratch behind her ears claiming that she didn't really "try" and that she'll blow Jordan away in anything mental.

Later in the evening Kevin, Ragmuffin, and Jelly Bean Jane are sitting around the hot tub. Kevin gets up and goes inside. Immediately, Jordan begins fretting over whether or not Kevin will keep her. She thinks he's leaning towards keeping Michele and Ragmuffin tells her that Kevin will do whatever she says. She advises Jordan to tell Kevin that he can beat Jordan in the Final 2 even though their (Natalie and Jordan) plan is to go to the Final 2 together. Then the Ragamuffin, perhaps rejuventated by the full moon, says something even I thought she'd never say. She tells Jordan she'll throw the HOH endurance comp, but that Jordan has to win it. She tells Jordan she can totally beat Kevin in the second part and that Jordan needs to win the first part. *throws hands up in the air* OK I have NO idea what Natalie is doing. I'm under her spell again. Is she lying to Kevin or is she lying to Jordan? I have no fucking clue.

That's about it for yesterday. Pretty slow day. It will continue to be slow from here on out. The next BIG thing to look forward to is Part 1 of the HOH. It's usually pretty good. Let's just hope it's nothing like the one in BB9. That was horrible. I think it was over before the feeds came back up. BB8 was the greatest of course. That shit lasted hours and hours and hours and we saw it all. I'm kind of hoping for something like that this time around. Something tells me we won't be getting anything anywhere near that if it's too physically challenging.

Tomorrow is your last chance to enter the Big Bitchy Contest so make sure to get your entries in by 5:00 PM EST Tuesday. Go ahead and post them in yesterdays contest blog. I'll be going over them tomorrow and should have the finalists announced by tomorrow evening. You'll be able to vote for your favorites and I'll let you guys pick the winner so it's totally fair. Have a great Labor Day everyone!

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  1. That marriage proposal was so horrible!!! I don't think he was even planning on asking her to marry him UNTIL he saw how close she is to winning the 500K and now that he is almost 100% certain (in his mind) that she IS going to win it, now he wants to marry her!! As much as I don't like the Ragamuffin, shame on him!! Shame on anyone who uses a person for anything!!! The ONLY reason he wants her is for her money!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  2. Maybe the proposal was so awkward because Natalie's in love with Jesse and had every intention of ditching her BF on the outside... so she just went through the motions, rather than make herself look bad (or even worse than she already does) to America...

  3. I think Nat is lying to everyone. But if she takes Jordan to f2, I think Jordan would win. Jordan would have Jeff/Mich/America/ and Lyd or Kev. Or both of them.

    If Kevin goes against Nat in f2 I think he will lose. Jeff holds grudges, he will vote for Nat, and so will Jordan because she has no mind of her own. Russ and Jess would most likely vote for her, too.

    I don't even know if Kev can win the game at this point. Who could he actually beat in final 2? I really think going against Jordan or Michele would be his best shot. But then he would need Nat's vote... and if he gets rid of her... that will probably never happen.

  4. At this point, I don't care who wins,.. just entertain me!

  5. I think Kevin will dump NataLIE if he wins the right to choose who he takes. He will tell her he gave her the chance to save herself, just like he was given the chance to save himself when she bailed on the POV. No hard feelings, right? He should keep Michele and say he couldn't take a chance on losing her vote in the jury. NataLIE will never vote for Michele or pick her for final 2.

    And about Michele...she and her husband are swingers. She said so late one night while talking about sex stuff. I think she was drunk and regrets saying anything so now she mums up at the mere mention of sex. Your instincts were dead on.

  6. First, I think it goes without saying that Nat's bf/fiance is using her/ only proposed b/c she'd on this show and doing well. I thought that was just obvious. and also, Kevin's best shot of winning is if he goes F2 with Michele. Why doesn't he see this?

  7. Aww, Natalie's boyfriend was sweet. He asked her dad for her hand in marriage on premiere night and stuck by her watching the show and live feeds even when Jessie was crushing on her for weeks in the early weeks, so no, I think the proposal was 100% genuine and nothing to do with the money. I thought it was romantic.

    As for who would turn on who, I think ultimately Kevin and Natalie will not turn on each other if either wins the final HoH as that would be a guaranteed lost jury vote from the cut person and Jordan or Michele also have a guaranteed America's vote. And judging from the DRs, Natalie's real final 2 in her mind is Kevin Kevin Kevin. She's lying to Jordan.

  8. So Hot Fudge Burtha has just made my "Top 10 List Of Lala's Sexy Houseguests Names", right up there with Sybil and Fabulicious.

    In an interview before entering the house (the one all houseguests did with former HG Diane) Natalie said her BF and her were 'on-and-off again'. I think BB may have pushed for this proposal.

    And what the hell, I'm jumping on the Fabulicious bandwagon. After seeing he's considering backstabbing Natalie for a final 2 with Michele, ontop of calling Bullshit on all of Natalie's lies, bitch has got some damn fine brains.

    On another note, I look forward to your reading your blogs everyday, they're always good for a chuckle, or seven. Keep up your lovely humor, and don't ever lose it. People who don't find it amusing are either uptight douchebags, or Comumnists. :)

  9. I'll jump on Kevin's wagon only if he dumps the Rag and takes my beloved Michele. ;)

    (oops, I think I just got ousted from your blog).

  10. jelly bean jane...??? it was just so random i busted out laughing. nevermind that im at work and not a single thing funny has happened here and now i have to come up with a lie to explain why i was laughing so hard i had to wipe tears from my eyes. anyway i love love love your blog. keep up the good work


  11. I thought the proposal was incredibly awkward and stilted but for different reasons. I thought her BF was totally overcome with emotions and was even tearing up. On the other hand Natalie would hardly kiss him. He kept reaching to stroke her hair etc. Natalie on the other hand instantly started deciding how to spin the situation for game play. She is so irritating but she is running the game right now. Go Kevin!!!

  12. I had to vote for Jordon for the $25k. My hope is she'll go back to school with it. Or travel the world, or something....

    Kevin keeps ragging on Natalie in the DR, yet he keeps going along with her. Will he dump her for Jordan in the final 2?

  13. I'm on the fence about who Kevin should take (as if he's asking me). On one hand, Michelle is a power house in the comps and she might be hard to beat. But on the other hand, I truly believe Nat is committed to Jordon, and vice versa so he'd have to win to make it to the final 2. I think he has a better chance of getting to the F2 if he picks Michelle this week. NO WAY Nat would take Michelle. Bitch is VINDICTIVE as she demonstrated when she voted to evict Jeff because of Jesse. She's still pissed about Chima. I think Michelle hates Natalie and strategically Kevin is a better choice for her in the F2. I think Kevin's best shot may just be Michelle.

  14. Hello!

    You made my morning, I'm not going to lie.

  15. Just another in a long list of forgettable BB seasons. Unless the format is changed, and the producers alter the HG enlistment from "who will win us this demographic" to "who are the most entertaining" the show is destined to repeat this bullshit ending, filled with boring uncharismatic fuckheads. So far, imo, the score is : BB fun: 4 BB Shit: 7

  16. The whole "Natalie propasal" event, to me, screams of an attempt by CBS to salvage or conjure some type of entertainment from a season that, for the last 2 weeks has been as far from entertaining as a show can get. Of all the HG's to focus on they choose Nat. Wow. You know there's issues when the most unpleasant, repulsive human being on TV is the last ditch effort by CBS to garner ratings.