Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Ding Dong The Bitch Is Gone

Do you hear that? It's very faint, but it's there. It's beautiful. It's majestic. It's the sound of a Michele free BB house! The clouds have parted, a rainbow has shot across across the sky, Mr. O'Shaugnessy and his friends are busy putting out pots of gold, and the choir of angels are singing "Smooth Criminal". They're really into it this time. They're totally grabbing their crotches and shouting, "Shamon!". Awwww... Mr. O'Shaugnessy is doing the moonwalk! It's precious. He had a very busy night last night and he's all about celebrating today. My little man has a Twitter account now and the little bastard got over 20 followers faster than I ever did. While I'm not exactly thrilled he's tweeting Martha Stewart, it's nice to know he's so well liked. If you'd like to hear the innermost thoughts of an angry horny leprechaun you can follow him at @Mr_OShaugnessy (

OK so let's talk about that live show last night. Michele sucks. The end. Seriously though, she's so bloody awkward and those stupid devil horns were just moronic. She's not charismatic enough to pull off humor during a broadcast. While I know I said I wouldn't mind if she stayed simply to give me something to write about, I'm thrilled the bitch is gone. How funny was it when the Ragamuffin said Michele played a dirty game? AHAHAHA!!! My hypocradar was beeping loud and clear, but it was still funny as hell. The Ragamuffin has no shame and while I'm not surprised she insulted Michele in her goodbye message; I thought it was a bad move on her part. Kevin's goodbye message was good. He complimented Michele by saying how strong she was, but he was also honest when he said he didn't know whether or not he could trust her. It was classy, funny, and smart. If I were giving a goodbye speech to a juror, I'd do exactly what Kevin did not what Natalie did.

I actually liked that POV comp. How funny is the idiot music they always play for Jordan now? She truly is a moron. I don't want anyone anywhere ever telling me she's smart. I'll throw a rotten tomato in your face and kick you in your shins if you say that shit to me. Chili Cheese Fries Chelsea has already used up all of her brain power for the summer. She's got none left and what we're left with is a doughy sticky chocolatey blonde shell of a woman. Someone in the chats yesterday mentioned that she'll procreate eventually. I pray she marries a genius and those children are sent away to proper boarding schools. Those kids will need intensive expensive private tutoring - something offered by rigid Swiss nuns with a ruler or a switch in their hands.

Moving on... I'll be honest I didn't expect the HOH to go on very long at all, but those bitches surprised me and ended up going for almost 5 hours. The concept was simple: Stay on the log and don't let go of your key. Everyone was happy and smiley when it started and once again the Ragamuffin ran her mouth. The bitch would not shut up as she yammered on and on about the most inane things. She tells Kevin how Julie asked her about loyalty in her interview and you could tell Kevin just wanted her to shut up so he could focus and concentrate. Then Ragamuffin brings up how this endurance is much better than the Graduation Day one. She talks about how everyone was vomitting during the last comp and, I'll be honest, I had to mute her for a little bit.

Occasionally, leaves would start blowing and rain would start falling. I thought they'd slip on that log for sure, but they were all troopers and they kept on going. Jordan suggested they all sing 1000 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall. Oh shut the fuck up Jordan! You've only been in the house for ohhhh I don't know... 9 weeks now and you're still not aware of the 'No Singing' rule? Fucking idiot. So yeah the feeds went down and BB had to yell at her. When the feeds came back Fried Rice Fanny announced she was hungry and began to talk about pizza.

Ragamuffin kept on running her mouth only this time she was talking about Jeff. She told Jordan how happy Michele must be now that she's going to have him all to herself. AHAHAHA!!! I'm sorry, but that's hysterical. It's funny because, in a way, she's 100% right, but, at the same time, she's fucking evil. Jordan kind of scoffs at her and Ragamuffin continues, "Michele was so jealous of you Jordan." Jordan calls her a little instigator and laughs. Ragamuffin says Michele will probably try to kiss Jeff now and I just sat back and laughed and laughed. Ragamuffin is on a roll at this point and she begins to talk about how Michele is lucky Julie didn't ask Ragamuffin to make a speech about the new nominee. Ragamuffin says she probably would have gone off on her, but she's not sure. Michele was kind of decent to her last night so maybe Ragamuffin wouldn't have humiliated her after all.

All of a sudden the log comes to a complete stop and they all almost fall. Up until this point it had been constantly moving. Kevin jokes, "Please tell me the bitch broke." LOL

The log wasn't broken at all. This time it started moving backwards. All the HG's were soaking wet at this point and their pants were all sagging - especially Jordan's. All of the chat hags began screaming for Jordan to pull her pants up... like she can hear them. Then a cheerleader faction emerged and they kept typing "Go Jordan!" over and over again. Typically, I find cheerleaders entertaining (come on, you know you love the ESPN competitions too), but a bunch of menopausal women popping correctol and estrogen cheering Jordan on to a win is just annoying.

Ragamuffin started flapping her gums again saying, "This is a Russell competition right here... and Jeff. This is a Russell and Jeff." Jordan chimes in and says that if Russell and Jeff were there she'd just quit. Well, that's annoying isn't it? It kind of turned me off of Jordan even more. Up until now I'd been impressed with her determination in this HOH comp, but it bugs me to no end how she says if anyone strong was around, she wouldn't even bother trying.

After that Natalie began sneezing constantly. It must have been contagious because Kevin started sneezing shortly thereafter.

Ragamuffin's hands began to bother her and she kept shaking them out trying to get the blood circulating.

Then the fun really began. Sleet and snow began blowing right into their faces! Ragmuffin says, "This is easier than Graduation Day!" and Mr. O'Shaugnessy punched himself in the face. He REALLY can't stand her and last night she was particularly annoying.

After the sleet and snow, the lightening kicked in. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get that screenshot? How beautiful is that? It was timed perfectly. The lightening was super bright and the HG's had to close their eyes. I would love to be the person running the effects button during this comp. I'd be blinding them constanly, blowing snow and hail in their faces, and making the log go super fast just to see what happened. Someone may die, but who cares? It's all in good fun.

Someone must have been reading my mind because the log started to spin faster. It would go forward, stop quick, go back, stop quick... forward, back, forward, back, stop, go, back, forward. It was really cool actually to watch their feet. Ragamuffin was literally hopping and skipping every time the log would go backwards fast. I totally thought BB wanted someone to fall before BBAD started, but no dice. Those bitches kept hanging on.

Ragmuffin tried to psych everyone out by telling them they might as well fall because she'll be up there all night. Kevin told her he'll be there until the sun came up. He even had a protein bar in his pocket. He ate half and said he'll save the other half for breakfast. They remained on the logs without incident for another 90 minutes. Then it happened... the log started without warning...

Jordan became the first casualty. The fall didn't hurt her at all and Ragamuffin advised her to get some towels. Thanks Einstein. Ragamuffin tried really hard not to burst into a huge smile and Kevin says, "It's down to you and me now wench!" Jordan headed inside and Kevin says, "There better not be pizza up in that bitch."

Jordan goes inside and Ragamuffin and Kevin begin to talk. Ragamuffin says she'll wait 5 more minutes if Kevin swears on his life he'll take her to Final 2. He tells her if he wanted to get rid of her he would have kept Michele. Ragamuffin says, "Alright. 5 minutes." Then she says tomorrow is a crap shoot and Jordan could win it. Kevin says, "Bitch can't win anything!" Again, Kevin swears on everything including his man. Ragamuffin says she'll wait 15 minutes. Kevin tells her to make it 10 because his testicles have shrivelled up into his abdomen. Ragamuffin keeps whining, "If you burn me dude.... this is mine to win... who knows what tomorrow will be... I trust you... this is proving to you my loyalty... blah blah blah." Kevin says, "Bitch don't make me go over there and karate chop you!" They agree Ragmuffin needs to fall before Jordan comes back out.

The snow starts up again and, for some reason, the feeds go down. They come back and it's lightening and raining with both HG's still holding on. Eventually, it all dies down and the log stops. Jordan goes back inside and Ragamuffin turns to Kevin and says, "Final 2?" He says yes and she jumps down. I'm a little stunned she kept her word. I'm not sure how to deal with an honest Ragamuffin.

Kevin gingerly walks off the log and Ragamuffin keeps yelling, "Just jump off! Don't be a pansy!" He gets down and they embrace in victory. The night ends with showers and food.

So there you have it. Kevin won Part 1. Today we'll have Part 2 and tomorrow will be Part 3 during the live show.

A good friend of the blog, Grimace, has asked me to ask all of you good people to vote for him in a little contest he's involved in. Click on this link and type the name 'Grimace' at the bottom. He's told me to tell you all "A vote for Grimace is a vote for Leprechaun induced orgasms EVERYWHERE." How can you deny him victory?

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  1. Lala...what do you think the jury will do? give the supreme last nerve worker or Kevin the $500K?

    Voted for Grimace. What is the voting window just today?

  2. So,
    This morning, the clouds parted, the birds chirped, and I was highly suspicious. I had to make sure no one was in my place about to kill me because mornings don't just start that well for me. Who wants to put money on the notion that by the end of the day, Michele will try to put her hand down Jeff's boxer briefs? No cameras means that no pesky husband watching and she'll have a nice alternative to $500,000. And Jeff, make no mistake, is just the douche to take a blowjob from her if he thought no one would know. You know, how jocks usually treat nerd girls they talk bad about in front of their friends.

    Kevin played the goodbye message really well. I think this could turn into a sweep for Kevin if he takes Natalie to the finale. There is always a chance. I was especially proud to see Jordan go as long as she did in the endurance, but it was Kevin's to win. Natalie dropped because she wasn't going to be able to hang on for much longer.

    What is annoying me about the BB fandom is this notion of good vs. evil. My FWB we previously discussed called Kevin and Natalie evil this morning (I explained that Mr. O'Shaugnessy helped me through a cold night and she got her thoughts together and came over.). I offended her again by telling her that hey, this is a game for $500,000 and there is ONE person in this I would take a dive for, and I came into this world through her vag. I kind of owe her. I'd stab my father in the back to win this game. Strategy, not evil, wins the day and if strategy isn't good to your favorite houseguest, then that's how the game is played. They didn't consider every move or kiss the right ass. The word evil should be reserved for Genocide, Disney stars, and Bitchy Bloggers when they torture Leprechauns.


  3. Watch The Ragamuffin get back stabbed if Chili Cheese Fries Chelsea wins the 2nd HOH comp. By the way, "Chili Cheese Fries Chelsea" is classic, LaLa! Right up there with all your other hilarious nicknames for Fem Blutto!

  4. Remember that old Blondie song, "Rip Her To Shreds"? You on Coo Coo McGoo all the way! Hilarious! Mr. O'Shaugnessy should play that as the blog theme song on his great Irish warpipes!

  5. Anyone care to comment on the newest controversy over the HOH comp? Looks as though Wears-a-rag-a-muffin was holding on to her ROPE, not her key last night before being corrected by BB and being allowed to remain in the comp. It's lighting up the boards across BB viewers' land. Also, they believe Kevin cheated by looking at the gears and not fully facing forward. They can all suck it! He won and he can fly his scarf high as far as I'm concerned!

  6. Most people in the chat room that I was in was saying that Kevin was cheating last night because he was sideways, but, I staunchly told them that the others could have turned that way if they had chosen to also so, in fact, he was NOT cheating! I didn't see that Natalie was holding onto the rope and didnt have her hand fully on the key, not meaning that that couldn't be true, just that I didn't see it. No matter what some of these houseguests do, there is ALWAYS someone saying someone is cheating in some way, especially if it's a houseguest a person doesn't want to win or that they don't like. NASTY-LIE, was, and IS, a total evil moron who deserves a log up her butt!! I know Lala will come back and say something to the effect that MICHELE would have been the one to like that, but I'd much rather see NASTY-LIE at the end of the huge popsicle stick!!! I don't hate anyone, but I've NEVER disliked anyone more!! It's a shame that this wench is going to win ANYTHING!!! I am rooting for Kevin for the 500K, I just wish he didn't have to bring this arrogant, little she-man wench with him!!!

  7. Jaye Bird, I concur with everything you said. If I could post a picture, I would show you NataLIE not holding the key. I took a screen shot of it. No matter....if BB thought she was out of bounds they would have booted her from the comp for good TV. Kevin would have won anyway. No way Cookie Nookie would have beat him. She fell as soon as he started eating his power bar. LOL It was pure evil genius when Natalie started passing Mentos and food to him. They really have her pegged!

  8. I was so proud of Jordough, you know she burned off almost half a tub of cookie dough? I am a little torn though, I can't decide if Kevin should toss out the unwashed one. I am fearful that she might have some votes in the jury house whereas if he takes Processed Food Patty other than Jeff and Michelle she has no votes. Natalie reminds me of the dick who sold me my first car and ten days later I had to put a new transmission in it, I just can't trust that bitch.

  9. I think you and Natalie are sisters separated at birth--you both have the same over the top nasty meanness about you.

  10. LetsJustdance_1 from twitter is that you? It sounds like you. In any case, you have no power here. Begone! Before somebody drops a house on you.

  11. Loved all the blogs Lala. I would have voted for Grim if I had known he was interested, but I had already voted. Next year maybe.

  12. <3 Kevin. He's adorable.

  13. "I think you and Natalie are sisters separated at birth--you both have the same over the top nasty meanness about you."

    Really? You mean it? Thank you! That's the nicest thing you could have ever said. I shall glow in fabulosity for the rest of the day.