It was just your average regular day in sunny California yesterday. The palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze, people in thongs rollerbladed on a pier, Ass Licker took some more ridonkulous pictures of herself. All was peaceful. All was typical. Until... *drum roll please* Mr. Salvatore struck again!!! Dun dun DUN!
Mr. Salvatore is the name I've given to the Saboteur since the nitwits in the house have no idea how to pronounce the word "saboteur". I'm thinking he's tall, lean, has green eyes, strokes his goatee a lot, and wears a cape. His footwear is impeccable, he doesn't care for lima beans, and he may or may not have a foot fetish.
OK so yesterday at roughly 1:30 pm the HG's were summoned to the Living Room to receive a message from the sexy faceless man I've invented. Feeds went down, but using my powers of intuition and random flights of fancy I was able to deduce that Mr. Salvatore told the HG's a twosome in the house exists. This twosome are lifelong friends and may have a Big Brother alliance. Well, smack my bare ass and call me Sally! I like it! Naturally, the house went nuts with all sorts of speculating. Some people on Twitter were calling bullshit while others claimed that Kathy and Britney are mother and daughter. Some smartypants overthinkers raised one eyebrow and sneered saying that there's no way a twosome could exist without us knowing about it. Surely, we would have seen them talking by now. Yeah, ok, I buy that but what if BB told them that under no circumstances were they able to have little pow-wows? I don't know. When people tell me things, people like Big Brother or men in capes, I'm inclined to believe them. I guess I like the idea that there's a secret that even Live Feeders have no knowledge of. I mean, you should have seen the chats and Twitter yesterday. Everyone sat up a little straighter, got excited, started speculating, touched themselves (I mean, I did, didn't you?), and typed madly posting all sorts of theories.
Enzo, like Joe Public, also wonders if Kathy and Britney are related. Some chatters considered that maybe Lane was Britney's boyfriend. How do you suppose Brendon and Rachel reacted? Well, they went into a bedroom to make out. I mean, wouldn't you? Yeah right. I'd be sitting in the corner talking to myself running pairs through my head. I'd be a cross between Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man and that dude from Shine. I like Rachel and I don't think she deserves the crap she gets from Britney and Monet, but bitch needs to get her head in the game! I almost think she's too nice for the BB house. She's too busy having a crush and giving massages to bother with something as pesky as, oh I don't know, Big Brother! Purely to piss off the Plastics (Britney & Monet) do I want her to stay in the game. I'd like to see what she can do if, say, Brendon were to leave before her. She's not Jordan ditzy or anything, but I think she has her priorities out of whack.
So anyhow, Brendon and Rachel are hooking up and Brendon whispers, "This isn't just a showmance." Rachel coos and says, "I can't control myself." Brendon grunts, "I can barely control myself." It's not an Adrian Lyne film or anything, but I'm thinking my dream of a BB baby could finally happen. Fingers crossed for penetration.
Back in the Dining Room, Annie is sitting having a chitchat with Ragan. She wonders why it's so wrong for her to socialize and get to know everyone. She says "everyone has a story" and I'm guessing she wants to know what those stories are. I don't know. I can't figure Annie out. Again, I don't think she necessarily deserves the crap she gets, but something is off with her. Maybe she is playing parts. Maybe her personality just isn't gelling with everyone elses. I wonder if she makes friends easily in real life. Perhaps it's just a social skills thing. I'm stumped. She was so charming and confident in her interviews. I can't figure out why she's such an outcast so early.
She tells Ragan that she thinks Britney will stab her in the back in a heartbeat. Ya think? Britney would stab a puppy if it wasn't cute enough. That bitch is evil. Annie goes on to say that she's upset about the possibility of going on the block and she denies an alliance with Brendon. She finishes by telling Ragan that she thinks Enzo is playing everyone in the house and he should be watched carefully. So far, she's right on the money. She's reading everyone accurately. Maybe that's why people don't like her. I just don't know.
During this whole conversation Jewy Jewboy was up on the 2nd floor landing sitting against a wall. I couldn't figure out what he was doing up there. Was he spying, praying, playing with a dreidel? It turns out he was kinda spying. No way could he hear a word of what Annie and Ragan were saying as they were kind of whispering, but Tevya went and caused drama anyways. In a convo with Kristen he said that Annie and Ragan were talking for a WHOLE 30 minutes and they must know each other in real life. He also said over and over that he's not Mr. Salvatore. He's full of it. I really don't think Annie and Ragan know each other. It wasn't all that familiar of a conversation. It was Annie explaining herself and Ragan doing a lot of nodding. Jewy was just starting shit.
A little later Annie has a one on one with Brendon where she expresses her concerns about going on the block. Brendon promises her that he'll talk to Hayden and do what he can to keep her in the game. Brendon's such a cocky bastard that he sincerely thinks he can influence Hayden's decision. Hayden's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but if anyone has influence over him it's more likely to be someone from Badda-bing rather than Brendon. They go on to discuss how they want Jewy to win HOH next week. They think it'd be some sort of divine justice or something. Weird. I thought Annie couldn't stand Jewy because of the whole pap smear thing? I guess she's putting game play before emotion. Excellent, but is it too late?
Outside Brendon gets his convo with Hayden. The two beefy bucks are lying in the sun talking out of the sides of their mouths trying not to attract too much attention. Hayden, who kind of can't keep a secret to save his life, is once again hinting that Annie is the one he'll nominate in order to save Rachel. If you remember yesterday Hayden was under specific instructions not to say ANYTHING alluding to the fact that Annie is the replacement. Badda-bing didn't want her running around getting inside people's heads and fucking up her eviction. So yeah Hayden is all but saying that Annie is the replacement. Brendon immediately figures out who Hayden is talking about and he suggests maybe they should bring Annie into the fold and use her to their advantage. Hayden gets all wiggy and freaked that Brendon knows it's Annie he's talking about. Dumbass shouldn't have said anything in the first place!
The convo turns from Annie to two douchebags sucking each other's dicks. Brendon tells Hayden that they're both huge targets because of their "size and appearance".*grabs a hot poker and plunges it deep into my spleen* Gross. Brendon's the worst. He's basically saying that they're big strong handsome fearsome things to behold. Gimme a break. One's a loser who's obsessed with himself and the other has a helmet for a head. They moon over each other for a little longer and the convo ends with Brendon promising not to put Hayden on the block if he wins HOH next week. Brendon conveniently neglects to tell Hayden that he might throw HOH to Jewy and that Jewy will, in turn, probably put Hayden's freaky hair on the block. Oh the drama!
This brings us to the biggest mindfuck of the day. Hayden pulls Kristen, the fleeting shapeshifter, into the HOH and they very heatedly start rambling about how Andrew knows they're together. Well, feedsters freaked, tweets were sent out, and we all sighed happily knowing we'd solved the twosome mystery. Not so fast Sparky. In what had to be the weirdest conversation of the day, Hayden and Kristen excitedly discuss having to cover something up and not two seconds later they're speculating who the twosome could be. Hold up! Are they the twosome or aren't they? Several hours later I still have no clue. One thing I do know is that Hayden and Kristen are awfully close, extremely familiar, and appear to be good friends. They were having a back and forth like they'd known each other for years. This wouldn't be so strange save the fact that Kristen is NEVER around. Sometimes she's a window, sometimes she's a bottle of water, and sometimes she's a dragonfly. Rarely is she ever in her human form. So to see her in her human form shooting the shit with a dude we never see her hang out is VERY VERY odd.
A word on Kristen: She may like to pop pimples and she may double as a couch or a coffee table, but I really dig her. She's funny, cute, personable, very smart, and I love that she's shrouded in a bit of mystery. So, here and now, I am declaring Kristen as my new favorite. Sorry Annie. You're just a little too weird. If you stick around another week, I'll reconsider, but for now, I'm hanging with Kristen.
OK so back to Hayden and the Shapeshifter. They're still in the HOH talking about everything from the twosome to Andrew to Matt to Mr. Salvatore when Hayden says that he's pretty sure that Annie is Mr. Salvatore because the DR is trying to convince him not to put her on the block. *bites fist* Ohhhh really? I was itching to hear more of course, but those BB bastards cut the feeds in addition to reprimanding Hayden for talking about his DR sessions. Seriously though, how fucked would CBS be if Mr. Salvatore ends up going home the first week? The more I think about it the more I think Mr. Salvatore was a last minute idea that wasn't thoroughly thought through. They should have waited a week to announce his existence. I don't know. It just seems very poorly fleshed out.
The two talk some more and Kristen expresses her disappointment in Monet. She claims that Monet's head isn't in the game and that she seems unconcerned she could go on the block. Kristen says that if there was any chance that she'd personally go on the block she'd do whatever she could to stay off. She wouldn't kiss ass, but she'd scheme and play... hard. I love that. There's nothing I hate more than when a player accepts their fate and refuses to fight.
Later in the night the HG's were goofing off and turning cartwheels in the backyard. Annie ends up telling Kristen about Jen, her girlfriend. Annie, like me, digs Kristen and feels like she can trust her. If Annie manages to stay I think I'd be open to an Annie/Kristen alliance. There hasn't been a really smart, really tough chick alliance in BB in a while. As I hate most of the girls this season and Rachel is preoccupied with Brendon's tongue, Annie and Kristen are my only hope.
Before the HG's went to bed, Britney was bitching about something or other, but she nauseates me so much I kind of tend to tune her out. All I know is I really want her to keep running her mouth. I'm predicting she may not last that long if she keeps being such a catty bitch.
That's it for now. What did you guys think about Mr. Salvatore's announcement? Does Annie have a chance to stay in the house? How does Hayden get his hair not to move? Are you digging Kristen too... when she's in her human form? How do you feel about the Plastics? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!
Shout out to JoCaPa! Thanks bitch!