BIG show tonight, right? It's looking like we will be having our first edurance competition of the season. I love the endurance comps. I really do. Either the HG's are being hurled into a wall, tangled up in painful pretzel poses, holding on to a key for dear life, being covered in a runny vile substance... I ask you, what's not to love? Anything that tortures HG's is OK by me. The endurance competition coupled with the fact that there's a mysterious "huge announcement" makes tonight very exciting and here's where I climb on top of my soap box...
I am so sick of people saying how boring the house is, how awful the cast is, "Bring back Dr. Will!", Bring back Evel Dick!"... Oh just shut the fuck up. It makes me want to scream when all I see is constant bitching. If you don't like it, cancel your feeds, stop watching CBS, stop following 18 Big Brother blogs, just STOP everything. I don't want old people back. I say when your season is up, it's up. You can come back for All Stars and to host an occasional POV, but other than that I don't want to hear from you again. We are in week 3 people... WEEK 3! In almost 21 days I think we've had maybe 2 1/2 boring days (1 of which was yesterday). Quit your bitching, take a chill pill, and live in the now. Thank you.
So yes, yesterday was very low key. The HG's have finally learned not to push too many buttons the day before an HOH competition. Jessie got his HOH camera and took photos, Michele talked some more about her freaky sexual preferences, and Lydia totally pulled a Project Runway and made Natalie a suit out of trash bags. In anticipation of an endurance competition, Natalie is abnormally obsessed with getting wet. Who does she think she is, Chima? Is she the Wicked Witch Of The West? Will she melt if water touches her skin (insert Natalie shower joke here)? I have no idea why Natalie thinks keeping dry will give her an advantage. I hope it is a wet competition and that the water makes her suit of trash so slippery that she's the first one eliminated.
Lydia spent hours on that trashbag suit. It was actually really creative and kind of cool that she pulled it off. She made drawstrings into the jacket and a hood and everything. All Natalie did after trying it on was bitch about how a drop of water could get her face wet. She demanded Lydia put in more drawstrings and then she strutted around flashing gang symbols everywhere and sparring with no one. Natalie you are a tool. I guarantee if she loses HOH, she'll somehow blame Lydia.
One more thing about Natalie before we move on, late last night in the HOH room Jessie mentions something about when he was 22. Natalie immediately chimes in and says, "Yeah I used to think the same way when I was 22 too." Uh oh. She then quickly says, "Oh wait I haven't turned 22 yet." She's such an idiot. Bitch can't keep her mouth closed long enough to keep up with the lie about her age. Women lie about their ages all the time. Why is Natalie finding it so damn difficult? (Insert joke about how Natalie isn't a woman here)
Earlier I mentioned a conversation where Michele once again delighted men in the live feed chats. Some of the HG's were talking about orgasms and kegel exercises. Jordan, no surprises here, had NO idea what a kegel was. Isn't this just common knowledge? Well, anyhow, Michele used to do them obsessively and now a ride in a bumpy car makes her orgasm. As funny as this is, I'm really doubting the legitimacy of it. Kegels affect an area nowhere near the clitoris. Instead, I think Michele has a long ass freaky clit that she plays with too much and is constantly daydreaming about sex thus making her more susceptible to a car ride climax.
Chima spent half the night all up on Russell's jock. She's so into him and really wants to hook up, but she's too paranoid about her grandparents seeing her doing anything. I hate that. How boring. She questioned Russ about his favorite sexual positions and how many women he's slept with. Russell refuses to divulge a number and says that men have the ability to completely detach emotion from sex so the number of their sexual partners is always really high compared to a woman's. (Lala glances over at HoodedWarrior) Russell is right. I mean, he's not saying anything we all don't already know, but he is blissfully unaware that women, too, have the ability to detach emotion. Keep that to yourselves girls because as soon as men figure out we're not always in love with them their worlds will start to crumble and ESPN will no longer makes sense.
Expect to see Casey go home tonight. He was funny and likable, but his naivete about the game was his ultimate downfall. He trusted people and that was his mistake. Getting mad at people for lying in Big Brother is like getting mad at Michele wanting to lick your naughty place during sex. Big Brother is made of lies and Michele was made for ass licking. There's no separating the two.
I'm going to actually end this early today. Real life is intervening for a little bit and I've got to motor. I'll make it up to everyone tomorrow with a thrilling recap and clips of the HOH competition.
I leave you with my picks for who I want to win HOH tonight: Lydia, Kevin or Jordan. Jeff can win only if the cliques are dissolved. I essentially want some Athletes asses on the block this week, particularly Jessie and Natalie. It's about time we see them sweat a little.
Goo goo. Ga Ga. Queen once came out with a song called "Radio Ga Ga" and I hated it. To me, it was like a rock band doing baby talk. I know the song was a commentary on the power of TV over radio, but it still sucked. I understand Lady CaCa (as Michael K. affectionately calls her) got her name from that wretched song. Sure, she's got some catchy tunes, but I'm so sick of her big ole bag of "look at me" bullshit. The point I'm trying to make here, and yes I do have one, is that baby talk should never ever ever be spoken by anyone over the age of 3.
Baby talk makes my ears bleed and my brain hurt. It's like nails on a chalkboard and I don't think I'm alone in thinking that. Live Feeders were treated to an inordinate amount of baby talk caca yesterday afternoon. Lydia had baby talk diarrhea of the mouth. She was cooing and teasing and questioning and pouting and oh my god I wanted to take a rusty spike and jam it in my ear. When Jessie joined in I threw up in my mouth a little bit. This brings me to my first public service announcement ever...
Ladies I implore you, never talk baby talk to another grown human ever. It's a crime against all that is good and holy. Angels in heaven will never get their wings if you talk baby talk. In fact, they'll plummet to earth leaving their angel intestines all over the place and that's not good for anyone. So if you don't want me pummeling you with a crow bar, DO NOT EVER TALK BABY TALK. Thank you and have a lovely day.
Yesterday and last night was basically spent with the HG's losing their ever loving minds. Casey is one angry banana and he's not shy about letting everyone know about it. It was funny until he took it to an ugly place. He said some very rude things about Ronnie's wife which, in turn, instigated a twitter war. People are actually taking the time to send her hateful and insulting tweets. She's not in the house. Ronnie is. If you get mad at anyone, get mad at Ronnie. Sending people tweets calling them fat and ugly is simply repugnant. If I see anyone sending someone who's NOT even in the game insulting tweets, you will be blocked. I don't care if it's Casey's sons, Jordan's brothers, Ronnie's wife, Jeff's grandma, Natalie's father... these people are off limits. Plain and simple. I'm not a Ronnie fan at all. I still think Michelle Talbott is a lovely woman. Ronnie is indeed running his mouth again and saying some things in the house I don't agree with, but I'll express my anger with that by commenting on HIM here and holding HIM accountable. Leave his wife out of it. Am I nuts here in thinking this is common sense? Someone please tell me if I'm not thinking rationally in believing that family members should be off limits.
Moving on...
So yes, Casey is pissed. He went up as Michele's replacement and he's one sore loser. He's not making deals. He's not campaigning to stay. Instead, he sings angry banana songs, "I'm a man in a banana suit... man in a banana suit, Banana suit at night, Banana suit all day..." His anger eventually turned to utter lunacy which was very entertaining to all watching.
Here are some Casey Banana Gems:
“I was a happy banana a couple days ago. I thought you were all my friends... until I found out different.”
“It’s all good, it’s all good, kind of …. Not really”
Casey also delighted us with some Renny inspired imitations of everyone. He imitated Chima's cackle when she laughs at her own jokes, claimed Lydia was a different person everyday, strutted around like Russell with his elbows sticking out, and said he didn't own a shirt small enough to be able to impersonate Jessie. LOL When Casey is funny I really like him. He's hysterical to watch and his one liners are great, but when he's faced with anything that's remotely challenging, he morphs into an angry yellow bitter banana. It's unbecoming and makes me forget all the humor he's brought to the house.
The HG's seem convinced that the next HOH competition will be endurance. In preparation, they're working out. Even Jordan managed to put down her sandwich long enough to hop on the elliptical. On the other side of the yard, Ronnie joined Russell and Jessie's "Who's cock is bigger" show. The boys were doing pull ups and showing off and poor Ronnie tried to lift an empty barbell and failed. Ronnie claims he'll kick ass in an endurance competition even shitting his pants if he has too. While that's admirable of Ronnie (ewww), I think he'll be one of the first to crumble in an endurance comp. If he proves me wrong, more power to him, but I really think he has no chance in hell of pulling out an endurance victory.
Later, perhaps exhausted by his thousands of pull-ups, Jessie passed out on the couch outside and Lydia, bless her jealous heart, thought it would be a hoot to paint his toenails.
Jessie never stirred once and she managed to do both feet. Way to go Lydia! I was cheering you on from home. Here's what the finished product looked like:
Let's move on to a houseguest I haven't spoken too much about yet... Natalie. It's getting harder and harder for Natalie to keep her lies straight. When talking about the election Natalie said she didn't vote because she didn't know enough about politics. No, Natalie. You didn't vote because you were supposedly 17 at the time. She also effed up when she said she met Obama at the graduation at her school. Lydia caught her and Natalie stumbled saying that she was thinking about going to a graduation that Obama was at. And later she told Jessie that if alcohol came, he should steal some and hide it away for her.
Oh Natalie. You walk like a duck and you dress like a boy, but that's not why I can't stand you. I can't stand you because you act like you are running that house (and according to Kevin you are), your lies make no sense (and will end up costing you the game because no one wants an 18 year old to win), and you are insanely jealous of Lydia (if you want Jessie for yourself just hook up with him and get it over with). For the record, I do not think Natalie is gay. I've been asked this many times by several people and after careful analysis Natalie is NOT a Sapphic sister. She's a tomboy who happens to be straight. I hate to crush any stereotypes out there (not!), but a tomboy does not a lesbian make.
Little Natalie, known as Gnat in her neighborhood, was tiny, spunky, and a trouble maker. Her father had spoiled her rotten giving her everything her heart desired... Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joes, Hot Wheels, Tonka Trucks... and, as a result, Natalie was bossy and hated by all the other girls in her town. She delighted in decapitating Barbies and stabbing My Little Ponies (somewhere Laura is crying over this) and never thought twice about delivering a knuckle sandwhich or 2 to the pretty girls with long blonde ringlets. Her father enrolled her in a martial arts class as a creative way for her to channel her anger. Tae Kwon Do fit Natalie like a glove. She thrived in being given permission to kick someone's ass.
She'd kick anything that would sit still long enough... the family dog (Poor Susie later ran away and joined a travelling dog circus. A dog can take being carried around by her tail for only so long you know.), table legs, the side of houses, potted plants, fence posts, etc. The whole neighborhood began to look like a giant dented can of beans. Families would wake up to find their mailboxes kicked in and they'd think to themselves, "Little Gnat must have had Tae Kwon Do class last night". Her poor father was forever apologizing and making trips to the hardware store.
One day when Natalie had her first Tae Kwon Do match with the little out of state martial arts studio her life changed forever. Her father had pressed her uniform and braided her hair even putting little tiny bows on the ends. Natalie had grumbled over the bows a litte. All she wanted to do was kick some ass and not get into trouble for it. The whole town came out that day to see what the Little Gnat could do. Bets were placed in a hope to earn back some of the money spent replacing yard gnomes and Barbecue grills toppled over by the Gnat's fierce feet. Her first match was over in seconds. Natalie owned that little rodent and almost got disqualified for spitting in his ear when she had him pinned down. She cruised through her second and third matches as well. Her coach had learned to run in and carry Natalie off before she could spit in anymore facial orifices.
It was her final match. Her braids were falling out, her eyes were wild and maniacal, and her feet couldn't sit still. It was as if an invisible pair of The Red Shoes adorned her tiny deadly toes. This was the moment Natalie was waiting for. Her head was swimming with the lyrics of her favorite song, "You're the best around, Nothing's gonna ever keep you down, You're the best around, Nothing's gonna ever keep you dooooown!" Her opponent came out and stood on the other side of the mat. He was small and scrawny and came from a hick town somewhere in Iowa. Natalie knew this kid was toast. They met halfway in the center of the mat, shook hands, and that's when it happened. Natalie met eyes with the most beautiful boy she's ever met. He had a quirky out of control cowlick, a smug sideways grin, and piercing hazel eyes. His chin was a little weak, but Natalie could forgive him that. As they shook hands, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Could you please let me win? My brothers are here and they'll kill me if I lose." Natalie pulled away and looked into his pleading eyes. Then she glanced at the name embroidered with care on his uniform. JESSIE. Natalie looked up at Jessie and said, "Yeah. I'll let you win."
Once in a while a day comes along that changes EVERYTHING in the game. Yesterday, my lovely readers, was one of those days. No dilly dallying, lots to discuss.
We start our day with Chima and Jessie lying in the HOH. They're talking about how Lydia and Kevin could vote to keep in Casey. Jessie notes that Lydia "has no enemies. She's sitting pretty." First off, he totally stole my line. Secondly, he's almost correct. Sure, Lydia has no real enemies, but she's extremely vulnerable. Her position is definitely not one of power. More on that later.
So yesterday was Chima's birthday and I could really give a rat's ass to be honest with you. Big Brother gave the HG's decorations and cake so they could surprise Chima with a little party. Ronnie's mission was to keep Chima occupied in the HOH while the other HG's put streamers everywhere and got into the party spirit. Ronnie and Chima's conversation quickly turned to game and all things unsavory. Chima instantly begins dogging Casey for pretending to be black. She calls him an "ignorant buffoon" and says things about him being a role model for his students. Ronnie, a teacher himself, begins to say that Casey should lose his job for the way he's acted in the house. This instantly rubbed chatters the wrong way. Casey has a family and Ronnie hasn't exactly been the epitome of a moral compass either in the house. I think that when you're in the house, all bets are off. Be as wretched as you want as long as you don't bring race, personal backstories, and anything physically harmful into the game. Braden's Beaner Fight is a perfect example of something that does NOT belong in the house. Ronnie lying to everyone, on the other hand, is fine. If that is how he wants to play his game, I don't care just leave Casey's personal life out of it.
The BB house is decorated with streamers and it's all very festive. Big Brother has even given the Brains permission to eat party food for exactly one hour. The HG's are excited that Chima will get to eat cake. They're insistent she'll be thrilled. Not so fast buttercups. This is Chima we're talking about here.
Natalie goes to get Chima and Ronnie in the HOH, but Chima declares she has to poop. It's like pulling teeth trying to get her down the stairs. She sees the streamers and says, "What is this?" Uhhh, what do you think it is bitch? She takes a look around sees the cupcakes and instantly gets pissed. How DARE you throw her a birthday party when she's not cute, when's she's not told in advanced, when she's been sleeping all day, when she has to poop, when she hasn't given you the royal decree that a birthday party is ok in the first place! Oh. My. God. I wanted to slap her so hard. What an ungrateful cunt! Way to be a buzzkill Chima. Never has a surprise party gotten so ugly so fast. After that it was just depressing and sad. Chima read a letter from her grandmother, but you know deep inside she was thinking, "I can't believe they didn't let me fix my hair." Bitch.
This brings us to the best and most perceptive moment in this game so far. Anyone anywhere still saying that Kevin isn't playing this game is completely, without a shadow of doubt, 100% wrong. Lydia and Kevin are sitting outside on the couches and they begin to discuss their positions in the game. They feel like Jessie can turn on them at any moment and begin to discuss aligning with Jeff and Jordan. Kevin, smart as a whip, has it all figured out. He says that Big Brother is a human chess game and right now Natalie is the Queen and Jessie is the King. That's exactly how I feel! When friends of mine comment on my obsession with the game, I always say BB is a human chess game filled with complicated strategy and moves. That's why I watch. That's why for 10 weeks out of the year I become obsessed with it. It's all about completing complicated maneuvers and how one goes about achieving those goals.
In chess, each chess piece has it's own style of moving. Some pieces are more limited than others only able to move in a restricted fashion. The King and Queen have the most options available moving wherever they like and manipulating the rest of the pieces to their advantage. Kevin has realized that he and Lydia are very restricted at this moment in time. Lydia has the power of a Bishop or Rook while Kevin is more like a pawn. He's fine with that because a pawn in nonthreatening and no one goes out of their way to destroy a pawn.
The Athletes have basically cornered Lydia and Kevin. If Ronnie was to win HOH, he won't nominate an Athlete and he can't nominate anyone on his own team. Who does that leave? Right! Kevin and/or Lydia. Saving Ronnie this week makes them extremely vulnerable next week. Lydia wants to make a move to get Chima on her side. Kevin thinks it's futile. Chima is already too close to the Athletes. Lydia wants a fight to happen amongst the Athletes. It's all a numbers game and the Athletes numbers need to be broken up as soon as possible.
Kevin wants to create alliances with people who will look after him. Right now the people he's aligned with would stab him in the back the first chance they got. Kevin insists the Athletes are playing 3 moves ahead in this human chess game. Lydia and Kevin are playing only one move ahead. Chess strategy consists of setting and achieving long term goals while staying steady and focussed on the immediate game in front of you. Balancing the long term with the immediate is the key to success in Chess. It's also the key to success in Big Brother.
They come to the conclusion that they need Jeff and Jordan. Kevin thinks he can also get Michele onboard. He warns Lydia that Jessie will turn on her at any moment and put her on the block. He thinks it's fucked up and, unless the cliques change, Kevin and Lydia are in serious trouble. They also want to play on Russell's paranoia and try to turn him against Jessie. Jessie and Ronnie play like computers. They only have their eye on the prize. Lydia, Chima, Kevin have been playing emotionally. It's turned them into pawns and therefore easily expendable. It's a facinating conversation that cannot be missed. Thanks to Bloodydove and BB11_Unleashed for the tip and thanks to Shea at Clipser for the clip.
What happens next sets the ball rolling for the rest of the day. Lydia tells Jordan that Jessie is thinking of putting up Casey rather than Ronnie. In true Jordan fashion, she immediately runs and tells Jeffy Pooh. After a sadly pathetic Margarita Party, complete with sombreros and pinatas, Jeff tells Casey of the Athletes new plan. Casey is honestly stunned. I was honestly stunned. I thought Casey had an inkling that this could happen. He's been in such a wretched mood ever since Thursday... long before he got that banana suit. Was it really his lack of cigarettes that put him in such a funk? I really thought he knew something was up. Turns out, he didn't have the foggiest. Casey immediately goes up to the HOH to have a talk to Jessie.
This whole time Russell, Jordan and Lydia have been in the HOH delighting Showtime viewers with a very candid sex talk. It always gets back to sex, doesn't it? The discussion centers around favorite sexual positions and brings me to the quote of the night. Lydia says she likes doggie style and Jordan replies, "I don't like doggie style. Doesn't it make you queef a lot?". LOL Russell, in a fit of hysterics, falls over trying to contain his laughter. He then declares that he prefers Reverse Cowgirl. Now you know Jordan has no idea whatsoever what the hell that means so Lydia and Russell demonstrate it for her. Russell also likes to lift a girl up with her legs over his forearms. Be careful there Russelll. You keep talking like that and I might start seeing rainbows fly out your butt everytime you leave a room.
Casey finally gets his meeting with Jessie and, I'm sorry, but it's all just so ridiculous trying to have a man to man with a guy who looks like this:
The Banana Man has lost his a-peel so to speak. Jessie informs him that the "right man is going home" and that he heard Casey making a stink over the Athletes winning everything. Casey doesn't understand why in the world he would go on the block. He thought they still had their week 1 alliance. He actually believed that Algonquin Round Table bullshit that took place the other night. He insists he never meant to stir up any "anti-Athlete momentum". Michelle Talbott was hysterical on Twitter last night. She tweeted, "Don't fall for it Jessie!" LOL
Manbeast Jessie is cock sure and annoying revelling in the power he has over everyone. He sits and listens with a stupid look on his stupid face with his stupid fake chin in one of his stupid muscle shirts... ugh! He's infuriating. I'm not even mad at him for wanting Casey out per se. His attitude though has finally pushed me over the edge. I gave him a second chance this season. I thought he was playing smarter and even gave him credit for it, but his FACE just drives me crazy. I hate that smug bullshit on anyone - especially Jessie. Jessie, my dear, I am done with you. Prepare for my wrath over the next few days. All I have to say Jessie is you're lucky I have a lot of game to cover today.
Casey goes on to throw Lydia under the bus saying she hates Natalie. Pretty lame attempt there Casey. Jessie knows the 2 are fighting over his wedding tackle. He eats that shit up with a spoon. In the end, the Banana Man splits (did you see what I did there? ) and goes outside to violently smoke cigarette after endless cigarette. He keeps saying over and over again, "I'm a grown man. I'm not a kid." No Casey, you're a giant yellow banana who trusted the wrong bunch. Buck up cowboy, don't be so blue, banana. It's only a game.
Jessie, high on power and protein, turns his gloating towards Michele. He belittles her for wanting Ronnie out and, in general, acts like a condescending ass. Michele came across weak, easily manipulated and incredibly untrustworthy. Guarantee she's next on their radar. She should have just told Jessie what he wanted to hear and gone about her day. Spending too much with Jessie in any capacity only leads to your demise. It sucks that he's in the power position he's in, but players need to recognize it and act appropriately. We all know what happened to Laura. It might just happen to Michele next.
Possibly boosted by adrenalin and beef jerky, Jessie goes after his next victim. Lydia is in his bed waiting for him to finish stuffing his face when Jessie decides to have a little fun. He semi seriously suggests that Lydia could go on the block. It's Lydia's nightmare come true. I don't mind Lydia when she's not on the block, but you utter the word "nomimation" in her presence and she completely falls apart and morphs into some psychotic emotional bag of unwellness. She completely loses the plot. Sure, Jessie was totally fucking with her by abusing his power, but her reaction was a little over the top. She hid under a blanket and began to cry a little which made Jessie laugh and grow an even bigger ego.
The conversation ended with Jessie assuring Lydia that she wouldn't go up on the block. He began to get a little tender and I was primed for a total hook up until... Until the cock block to end all cock blocks was initiated. That little brat Natalie comes charging in precisely at the point when a little loving was about to go down. This girl is unparalleled in the art of cock blocking. She must have an inner sonar radar not unlike something a dolphin would have. Any hint of any sexy time anywhere sends off a tiny impulse to her brain. The impulse directs her to the exact positioning of said sexy time and BAM! Cock block intiated and successful.
I really hope that Jessie goes on the block next week. Viewers and players alike would respect the divine providence that would be Jessie going home again in Week 4. Can you imagine if Lydia was actually the one to put him on the block? Would all of you Lydia haters finally come around and show her a little respect? I think I'd fashion a monument in her honor made out of beef jerky and protein bars. My monument would be a fountain, a baby Jessie, that spewed Muscle Milk from it's tiny pee pee. The possibilty brings tears to my eyes. I end this (neverending) post hopeful and steadfast...
BUT first, one more thing, do you guys remember my story about Jordan dreaming of going to Hollywood and all the ridiculous things she was going to do when she got there? BB11_Unleashed informed me that yesterday Jordan had a conversation where she talked about wanting to go see where Pretty Woman was filmed. HA! That was in my story! Is Jordan reading my blog or am I just the smartest person on the planet? I think it's the latter...
The word surreal doesn't even begin to describe the day we had in the Big Brother house yesterday. What you thought was true ended up to be false. The unimaginable suddenly became the imaginable. Up was down. Down was up.
Let's not waste anymore time, shall we? Lots to discuss.
The day began innocently enough. Casey and Jeff were up early talking and working out. Nothing seemed amiss. Michele arose soon thereafter and after stabbing and eating her breakfast in the bathroom (this should have tipped me off) expressed her concern to Jeff saying that some people in the house may want to keep Ronnie. OK Nostradamus, what else do you have up your magic sleeve? Jeff immediately negated the idea and Michele promptly stole one of Ronnie's most favorite lines, "Actions speak louder than words." Jeff walked away, Michele muttered, "Fuck you Jeff" under her breath, and the tone of the day was set.
Michele and Jeff continued their odd little conversation in the backyard. Michele doesn't think she wants to throw the HOH competition now. She knows people have been talking about her and she doesn't think she can trust anyone. Jeff shrugs it off as paranoia and relays all information to Casey.
Casey, the white guy who thinks he's black, the master DJ spinner, has emerged as the ring leader in the Ronnie hate fest. He's the one who wants everyone to throw the HOH competition. He's made it his personal mission to get Ronnie out of the house and, the once formerly quiet and pensive man, has now become the house loudmouth on everyone's radar.
Not much went on for the next few hours... people waking up and greeting the day. It was here that I decided to hop on my treadmill. I don't know why, but something inside me told me to set my laptop up so I can continue to watch the house. There I am running and walking, walking and running, feeling pretty good about myself when all of a sudden I glance at my laptop. I see Russell running up the stairs to the HOH, frantically knocking on the door, begging to be let in. Needless to say I almost broke my ankle leaping off the treadmill so fast. I ran to the computer and here's what I saw:
And with that the entire face of the game has been altered. Only one (slightly nutty) live feeder had an inkling that something like this would happen. The incredibly astute and persistantly cynical Jediaces predicted something like this would go down. Everyone else, including myself, was COMPLETELY fooled. I've seen every season (even watch other BB's from around the world) and have analyzed and written about BB for 4 years now and I was completely snowed. Props to Russell (and Jedi). He consistently continues to surprise me and I NEVER know what he's up to. He could be the most exciting player I've ever seen. He definitely keeps things interesting.
Later in the day the HG's were given a catapult like contraption that may play a role in tonight's HOH. It was delivered to the backyard with instructions for them to practice. All HG's had to report to the BY for a lockdown and we all held out breaths wondering what would happen to Ronnie. He simply sat quietly, kept to himself, and didn't take part in the practicing (he can't play in HOH). As soon as he was able to, he ran back upstairs to read his bible. Personally, I think he's reading his bible because it's the only reading material available. I don't think he's overly religious at all. Very few people rooted in intelligencia are.
The HG's are practicing and Casey starts foaming at the mouth about Michele. I really wish he'd shut up. I liked him a lot more when he was simply an observer offering nothing more than funny witticisms. BB fever has taken over Casey and he's got game on his mind CONSTANTLY. The only problem is that he's very loud about it and he's drawing attention to himself. As a result, Russell, Ronnie, Natalie, Lydia, Kevin and Jessie want him gone. I predict a troublesome week ahead for him if he doesn't win HOH.
Jessie was inside discussing the catapult thing and the fact that Casey canNOT win HOH with Russ and Natalie. He thinks that they may have to launch the balls into baskets representing the HG's. Maybe when a ball lands in their basket, they are eliminated from HOH. Pretty insightful coming from Jessie if you ask me. I'm finding that I just don't have the hatred for Jessie that I had last season. He has a large alliance, he's not creating too many waves, and he's way more entertaining than someone like Michele. As far as game play goes, Jessie has really done nothing to upset me. I'd much rather someone like Chima be evicted before Jessie. Chima is hateful, whiny, loud, and a complete and total bitch. The day she's gone is a day of celebration.
The 2 nominees aren't campaigning, aren't mingling, aren't worried at all. Laura spends her days sleeping and dreaming about even bigger boobs and long lazy days of playing horseshoes (thanks Grimace). She's also probably hallucinating at this point due to malnutrition. The slop diet has turned Laura into the spitting image of a frail 90 year old woman with spindly legs and arms. Jordan, on the other hand, is puffy, poopy (she has constant diarrhea), and a little dirty. She's stopped washing her hair and has taken to dressing sloppy. Her stories make even less sense now (something I thought impossible) and are so embarrassing to the point that they're even making Jeff uncomfortable. I'm finding it very very hard to continue liking her. The dumb southern blonde thing used to be cute and endearing, but now it's becoming exhausting and sad. She's so dumb and she's so oblivious to what's going on around her that I almost feel pity for her. I think it was the baby talk thing that pushed me over the edge. Her accent gets thicker and she lays on the baby talk whenever she tells Jeff one of her inane childhood stories. And before anyone starts shouting "Hypocradar!" at me, I hate it when Lydia does it too. Women who talk baby talk should be collected and shipped off to a remote island in the South Pacific. They should be forced to build shelter, kill their food, and endure infinite insect and rat bites. That'll knock the baby talk right outta them.
This brings us to our second Russell/Ronnie encounter and to what is quite possibly the funniest clip of the week. Russell, anxious to keep Ronnie informed of the day's developments, risks a very dangerous visit to the HOH. At what was not the most opportune time of the day, Russell runs upstairs and hides in the HOH. He's scared shitless. EVERYONE is milling about the house. His eyes are glued to the spy screen as he makes some more plans with Ronnie. Ronnie informs him that Lydia and Kevin shot him looks of sympathy and understanding when he was sitting outside. Russell wonders who's after him, Laura or Casey, just as Casey himself enters the kitchen and appears to be looking for someone. Can it be? Can Casey be searching for Russell?
Casey's eyes dart here and there. He knows something stinks in Burbank but he can't quite figure out what it is. He starts going room to room quietly wondering to himself where Russell could be. He tries the storage room, the bathroom, and even the diary room. Meanwhile Russell is upstairs (WITH THE ENEMY!) frantically pounding spy screen buttons and realizing he's trapped. He has no way of getting downstairs unnoticed. People in the chats were screaming for Casey to go upstairs. I was screaming, "No no! Hell no!" This Ronnie/Russell alliance is the most exciting thing I've seen in any Week 2 of BB. Why would anyone want to put the kybosh on it now? Don't you guys want to see how this all plays out? I know I do.
Eventually, Ronnie decides to leave the HOH to get some food and create a distraction. They agree to talk again at 4 am. Russell gets his Jason Bourne on and crawls on his stomach out of the HOH. He's hiding not only from Casey but from everyone else in the house as well. It was hysterical! You have no idea how close Russell came to getting caught. In the end, he pretended that he was stalking Ronnie and ended up falling asleep on the upstairs couches. I think it's fooled Casey for the time being. You can tell he's getting paranoid and that he knows something isn't right, but he hasn't pinpointed exactly what it is yet.
Later Natalie and Lydia, having NO idea that Russell and Ronnie are really working together, agree that keeping Ronnie in the house is a good idea. They think that as long as Ronnie is in the house, they can keep the target off their back.
Chima, wild and psychotic, gets a whiff that something isn't right with the HOH tomorrow. She was under the impression that the Brains would throw it and that she'd be completely untouchable. Michele hints that she has no intention of throwing anything. In typical Chima fashion, she blows up and starts accusing everyone of trying to set her up. She wants to know why no one told her that they were no longer going to throw HOH. Casey intervenes suggesting that he's not the architect of any HOH plans (lie) and that they should all decide together what the plan will be for tonight's competition.
Everyone, save Ronnie, gathers at the dining room table and discusses how this week will be played. They all agree that the mission is to get Ronnie out (keep in mind that Russ, Jessie, Natalie, Lydia, and possibly Kevin are completely lying) and that the best way to do it is to backdoor him. Russell brings up the possibility that if people throw HOH and the POV turns out to be a competition for prizes or money (which HOH automatically plays in) that whoever threw the HOH would be pissed off at missing out on prizes. Russell doesn't want that on his hands. The last thing he wants is Chima bitching for a week over losing a chance to win some money. Jeff agrees that if a prize competition is in the near future that everyone should have a chance to play. Casey chimes in saying that everything changes in the house so quickly that you never know if a little fight will suddenly make you more hated than Ronnie. Throwing HOH could put someone, who's innocent this week, in jeopardy next week. It's a unanimous decision. The house agrees that NO ONE will throw HOH.
Duh. Get Mensa in here right now. That meeting was such a big ole bag of bullshit. You know without a shadow of a doubt that everyone was going to try for that HOH anyways. No one wants to be vulnerable. It's too risky in that nuthouse. They change their game plan just about every 3 hours in there. Anyone throwing that competition would have ended up taking it in the ass. The whole meeting was just for show.
Naturally, everyone went outside and immediately started catapulting balls all over the place. Michele is horrifyingly bad at it. Casey looks like he's training for the Olympics. Paranoia has officially set in.
Tonight is going to be exciting. You thought last weeks HOH was a big deal? You have NO idea how important tonight is. Personally, I want an Athlete to win it I think. That way Jeff, Russ, and Jessie are safe and Michele & Chima are not. I'm done with Michele and Chima. They are at the top of my shit list. This doesn't mean I want an Athlete to win the $500K, I just don't want them vulnerable this week. I need to see what happens with the Russell/Ronnie alliance. I really really really want to see how that plays out and how Ronnie's game changes as a result. I love all the secret alliance stuff and watching it blow up next week is going to be perfectly delicious. I like the drama and the intense strategizing. That's what gets me off when it comes to BB (not some guy from the midwest in his black boxer briefs). Right now only Russell and Ronnie are giving me that.
As far as tonight's eviction goes, I'm predicting Laura goes home with a vote of 7-2 . She's infinitely more threatening than pea brain Jordan and she made her bed with that idiotic tantrum she threw in the HOH. I've heard rumblings of some talk on Twitter this morning that some people in the house are now thinking of voting Jordan out, but I really don't think that will amount to anything. Jessie will get his girls in line and make sure Laura goes home.
I bid you adieu Seabiscuit. It's good you left when you did. I'm plum out of horse references. Had to borrow from the Canadia lad known as Grimace to make it through today. I never liked you but I wish you and your ridiculous breasts well. Now go. Trot off into the distance and stop whitening your teeth already.
A special hi there and hello to Ronnie's wife, Michelle, and sassysara.
Someone on youtube described Casey as having a little bit of "poseur" in him. Well, I couldn't agree more. The dropping of the hip happening lingo is way hokey. I think he's trying to act like the 5th graders in his class.
He claims he's from the hip-hop community. Hmmm. I, ummm, I don't know what to say to that. He's rendered me speechless.
Casey claims he has "juice". I'm seriously scared to even ask what the hell that means.
"Roofin'"? What's roofin'? I don't think he's talking about laying shingles down. Oh, he's exhausting! I give up.
