Finally... RECOGNITION!

I absolutely did not expect to be doing a post today, but I'm thrilled to share a new clip with you guys.

Yesterday I mentioned how Ronnie was supposed to give my little blog a shout out on the CBS show for the "Square Root Of All Evil" shirt. I heard from Ronnie yesterday and CBS (those bastards!) had forbid him from saying anything. He told me he was allowed to mention it in the backyard interviews and, I've got to hand it to Ronnie, he kept his word.

You can see the interview in it's entirety on Real Player (where the feeds are) under Hot Clips, but thanks to the super duper awesome Kerry Runner I can sit and watch my mention over and over again for years to come. I put a request out on Facebook (yes, I broke down and joined - Colette Lala) saying that anyone who could cut and embed my clip on youtube for me would be my new best friend. Kerry did it and she totally rocks!

Please to enjoy:



Add me on Facebook bitches.

Basically The Biggest Loser Won

Warning: This is not going to be the least bit polite.

Well wasn't that the biggest load of fuckery you've ever seen last night? Stupidity and ignorance just won a half a million dollars. Congratulations Jordan. You are now officially the dumbest person ever to win Big Brother. What are you going to do with your winnings? Might I suggest you invest in some books and a treadmill? It's just a thought. The only comfort I have that let's me sleep peacefully is knowing that Jordan will discover all of her naked pictures posted all over the internet and be mortified. At least I have that.

Kevin, wherever you are Scarfed One, you should have won. You were the best game player and the most deserving. Likability and strategy all rolled up into one fabulicious pedal pusher wearing mass of awesomeness. I hope wonderful things come your way and that you and your Boyf are one day able to marry legally.

Now I must discuss Ronnie. For those of you who don't know, this blog coined the phrase "Ronnie Is The Square Root Of All Evil". Michelle Talbott told CBS people in a phone interview that I had referred to Ronnie as that and they used it in one of the shows. Ronnie contacted me a couple weeks ago and asked my permission to wear a "Square Root Of All Evil" t-shirt on the show. I told him he could absolutely wear the shirt under one teeny tiny stipulation. If Julie asked him about his shirt he was supposed to work in a shout out to me and my blog. Ronnie agreed and said it would be no problem. Well, he wore the shirt and Julie asked him about it. Did I get my shout out? No, I did not. I was OK with it last night, but today I'm PMS'd so I'm a little ticked off. I'm not sure if Ronnie mentioned me in an exit interview later on last night - that would be ok as well - because I only saw the Dick interviews, but I can't help but feel a little angry. Had Julie not specifically asked about the shirt, I wouldn't care, but she did ask about it and all Ronnie did was laugh. I'll wait until I hear from him to get the whole story before I go off.

My only criticism of last night's show, besides not being mentioned, is that not enough time was spent on the reunion portion. I wanted more drama amongst all the HG's and for people to confront each other and call each other out. Instead we got about 15 minutes of crap we all already knew. I thought the point of the 2 hour finale was to have more of a reunion style format like Survivor's finale. Major fail CBS.

Congratulations to KevinFTW! You are the proud winner of an AUTHENTIC Mr. O'Shaugnessy Mug. Please email me at colette_lala@yahoo.com with your mailing address and I'll put the fabulosity in the mail ASAP.

Speaking of Mr. O'Shaugnessy, he ran away last night. His last tweet was that he was on I95 looking for someone to pick him up. I'm worried about my little guy. My anger has subsided and I'd like him to return home safely now. If you're out there pumpkin, I'm waiting for you. *hides the hot poker in the linen closet*

OK so I stayed up super late last night watching Dick's exit interviews. The stream was horrible and choppy and it was difficult to sit through, but I did it because I suffer for my art. ;) Let me preface this by saying I'm not really a Dick fan. After his season ended, he was such a jack ass in all the press he did that I grew to really dislike him. I thought he was obnoxious and smug and I just wished he'd go away. Last night Dick won me over. He's back into my good graces now and the exit interviews might just explain why.

The stream starts and we can hear Dick telling someone about some stupid tv show he wants to get produced. He tells us that Jen Johnson is there interviewing for MSN and that Diane Henry is there interviewing for CBS2. He referred to this season as "The Season Of The Nonplayer" and said the Final 3 were the worst Final 3 in BB history.

Dick goes on to say that had Ronnie stuck around, he would have been the most diabolical player in BB history and would have been very exciting to watch. This strikes me as hysterical because all I've ever heard from Day 1 from the chat hags was that Dick would tear Ronnie a new one and give him a piece of his mind. Well, chat hags, like everything else you've ever uttered YOU ARE WRONG! They also insisted Dick would hate Lydia, Natalie, and Kevin. You'll see in the interviews just how wrong the chat hags were.

OK let's recap the interviews:

Casey: Super boring and uninteresting. Casey said if he had to do it all over again he'd play up the DJ angle instead of the educator angle. What the hell does that even mean? Idiot.

Russell: Russell completely kissed Dick's ass saying he was his inspiration for wanting to be the villain. He says the wrong person won and how he couldn't believe that being lazy actually got rewarded. Russ says that Natalie played from Day 1 and should have won. Dick agrees with him and jokes that Russ is trying to make an alliance already for the next All Stars. I guess that means that Dick will be back to play again. Russell tells Dick that he was recruited for the show when he was out drunk with his boys one night in a bar.

This whole time during the interview Braden is pacing in the background hoping someone will notice him. LOL

Dick asks Russ about the Chima showmance and Russ says he tried to flirt with all the girls because it's better to have the ladies on his side than against him. Dick says it's especially handy when they're all on their periods to have them on your side. Dick tells Russell his game play was good, but often times appeared to be out of control. Dick tells Russell it's his fault that Jessie was back in the house and that he (and production) would have preferred if Brian had come back. The interview ends with Russell muttering, "The wrong person... the wrong person..." He is of course referring to Jordan.

Braden stands with Dick for a millisecond and then gets booted for Michele. LMAO

Michele: Awkard and stupid. Dick tells her he wanted to cry with her when she was having her meltdowns. Are you fucking kidding me? Those meltdowns were comedy gold. He picks on her for not being able to remember anything and ends the interview telling her she was painful to watch. LMAO Ok now that was funny.

Ronnie: This may surprise you, but Dick is a Ronnie fan. He wanted Ronnie to stay in the game and be the most evil player ever. He told Ronnie he played too hard too fast and lied about silly things that didn't matter. Dick says that Ronnie let his HOH go to his head and that was his downfall. He says it was Jeff's downfall too. Ronnie says the high point of the entire game was when he got to enter the house first. He's such an uber fan that that meant the most to him. He mentions how when he got home he had 800 emails saying he was robbed and should have lasted longer. Ronnie says the most difficult part of the game was seeing the photo of his wife and cat. He wasn't prepared for the emotion he would feel and it hurt his game play. Dick agrees with Ronnie and says the photos in his HOH fucked with his head too.

Laura: Her teeth have totally grown. Laura makes no sense in her interview. She says her biggest mistake was not winning the first HOH and then she says winning the first HOH is a silly move. I have no idea what the hell she's talking about and I begin to get a craving for oats just watching her.

Dick reveals he took Krazy James to Amsterdam and they had a wild time.

Braden: He finally gets his wish and gets some air time. The stream is super choppy and hard to follow. Braden actually says he was happy he got evicted when he did because he was able to be with his mom on her birthday. Dick just kind of gives him a look that says, "Are you fucking serious?" Braden says he's been surfing everyday and traveling the world. Uhhh no he hasn't. He hasn't traveled the world. He's been in his friend's basement posting stupid videos on youtube. I've seen them. He tells Dick he's producing a photo shoot in Las Vegas and need 5 supermodels. Dick counters telling him that the owner of the Bunny Ranch invited him to his birthday party. Names begin dropping like flies.

Dick reveals he hasn't spoken to Daniele since December. He says, "She's a tough one."

Lydia: Thank god for Lydia. Lydia says Kevin should have won and the only reason the other 2 made it to the final was because hell froze over. Lydia had told everyone to get Jordan out earlier in the game. She feared that Jordan would skate to the end and that's exactly what she did. Dick tells Lydia he loves her attitude and he tries to get dirt on Jessie. Dick then says what I've been saying all along. Relationships accelerate in the house because you're with the other person ALL THE TIME. 1 week in the house is like 1 month on the outside. Dick tells Lydia he loved it when she went crazy and dumped out all of Michele's beer (I loved it too!) . Dick and Lydia are totally hitting it off and chatting like they're old friends. Dick begins to flirt with her and he tells her he'll tie her to a bedpost when they're in Vegas and find out if she really has her ass tattooed. LMAO Again, the chat hags used to insist that Dick would loathe Lydia and, again, they're 100% wrong.

Dick says he never would have agreed to have been 1 of the 4 who got the chance to come back. He says you have to take care of your house payments, car payments, etc for 3 months and it's too much work to do for a 1 in 4 chance. We also discover that Lydia was recruited for the show.

Jessie: Dick asks Jessie why he didn't try to make a deal with Jeff if he knew Jeff had the Coup D'Etat. Dick tells Jessie he admired how he changed his game play up this time around. Jessie is stunned that Dick is being nice to him and says this wasn't the interview he expected. Apparently, there was some bad blood between these two over come comments made about House Calls. Jessie is seriously shocked that Dick is being compimentary and cool. Dick tells Jessie he's gonig to laugh so hard when he sees the "Widows crying" footage.

Here is something that shocks the hell out of me: Dick says that he thought it was unfair that BB let America have a hand in the Coup D'Etat. He thinks BB simply set up Jessie to fail. I'm inclined to agree. BB had to know Jeff would have won and who he'd get rid of.

Dick mentions to Jessie how he used to throw Dustin's clothes over the wall, but BB yelled at him because they were hitting people's cars. OK here is where my Hypocradar starts beeping. The chat hags were so up in arms over Natalie stealing Michele's gloves saying she should be kicked out for messing with someone's personal property. These are the same women who like Dick and have no problem with what Dick did to Dustin's clothes. What fucking hypocrites! What Dick did is much worse than what Natalie ever did.

Jeff: Dick calls Jeff America's Sweetheart and Jeff immediately gets into loser interview mode. He's talking about his game, but it sounds like he's just reiterating whatever he just said in all of his other interviews. Dick tells Jeff how he never understood why Jessie didn't try to make a deal with him. He also tells Jeff his head got way too big when he was HOH and that was his downfall. Jeff says, "Really?".

Dick then says the funniest thing I heard all night. He tells Jeff that him playing with Jordan was like dragging around a dead body. LMAO Jeff says he got so frustrated with Jordan and had a lot of trouble trying to get through to her.

We overhear Jordan in a interview saying she has to get back to work. Dick turns to Jeff and says, "Is she drunk? Does she not know her whole life is about to change?" Dick tells Jeff that Jordan has no idea what's in store for her.

There is some small off camera interaction with Jen Johnson and we find out that her and Nick broke up about a week into the current season. Dick and Jen are civil to each other and everyone viewing was shocked.

Dick tells Jeff that Natalie's experience outside the house will be completely different from his and Jordan's. Dick then begins talking about his own fame and he won't let Jeff get a word in edgewise which is actually fine with me at this point.

Kevin: Kevin reveals that everyone in the jury just told him that he would have won no matter who he took to the end with him. Grrrrrr! Why didn't he win that Part 3? Dammit! Dick tells Kevin that his lie (the LML) was one of the best and biggest moves in the game. Dick really likes Kevin and respects his game play. He tells Kevin how Jeff said the house was his when he was HOH and Kevin says, "Oh no he di'in't!" Dick tells Kevin that his lie was as big and as huge as the Coup D'Etat. You can tell Dick really respects Kevin and I feel warm and fuzzy all over.

Jordan: She's wearing some stupid tie sweater thing and she looks ENORMOUS when she stands sideways. I know she's not fat, but that sweater is so bulky and huge that she seriously looked like she could be on the Biggest Loser. Of course I feel all warm and tingly inside knowing that she looks lumpy and wretched. Bitch should not have won. Dick tells Jordan how popular she is and how her and Jeff's showmance is probably the most popular in the history of the show. Jordan looks at him and says, "Reallly?" Jordan says getting rid of Kevin was her best move because she wouldn't have won otherwise. That's right bitch. You most definitely wouldn't have won. Dick tells her she has no idea what's in store for her and she's waddles off to go take some pictures.

Natalie: Dick tells Natalie that he thought she was going to win. Natalie says, "I did too Dick." He says that Jordan had zero game play and that he respected how Natalie played the whole entire time she was in the house. He tells her she has A LOT of haters, but that she should try not to give a shit. Natalie says for every hater there are 2 people that love her. LMAO No Natalie, you are wrong. Everyone hates you.

Dick tells Natalie that lying about her age was a stupid move and that he hated it when Daniele did it too. He says you shouldn't lie about little things that make no difference to the game. Natalie tells him she firmly believes her lie got her to the end. Natalie says she was always running the house even way before she ever got HOH. She says the only reason she cried over Jessie was because she was drinking wine. She actually thinks Jessie didn't vote for her simply because she didn't return his affection.

Natalie tried for 2 years to get on the show. The first time she didn't even get a call back. She says she's loves the attention she's getting and wants it to continue. She'd go back in the house in a heartbeat and wants to talk to Allison about giving her a Big Brother wedding. LMAO That would never happen in a million years because no one would ever tune in.

I have to say that I pretty much agree with everything Dick was saying. I've always respected the game players and loathed the people who did nothing or played moronically. I liked Lydia purely for the entertainment and so did Dick. The wrong person most definitely won and the real players all picked each other off too early in the game.

Overall I really did enjoy this season. It had great drama, scandals, and fights. It's a shame it all had to come to an end with such a lousy winner. I look forward to BB12 where we get to do this all over again. Thank you so much to all of my readers for their continued support over the past 10 weeks. I will continue to post here when there is breaking BB news or cast interviews. If you've enjoyed what I've done here this summer, please click on my donate button and show me some love.

Survivor fans please check out the Bitchy Survivor Blog. All of the cast videos have been posted for your viewing pleasure.

Amazing Race fans please check out the Bitchy Amazing Race Blog. Cast videos will be going up over the next week.

Follow me on Twitter for blog updates and all sorts of fabulous commentary: @ColetteLala

You can also follow Mr. O'Shaugnessy on Twitter for all things leprechaun: @Mr_OShaugnessy

Thanks again to everyone who has made this blog part of their daily ritual! You guys have been awesome this summer and I've enjoyed every day of it.

BIG BIG BIG shouts out to Simon over at onlinebigbrother.com, BB11_Unleashed, all the baby makers over at that Baby Website, and everyone who's commented here and sent me tweets over the past several weeks. I love hearing what all of you guys have had to say and I really appreciate all of your continued support. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Kisses and margaritas for everyone!

We Hear He Is A Wonderful Wizard

Trust. Honesty. Loyalty. Purity. Oooops. I forgot. I'm writing about Big Brother.

Self-inflicted pain. Lies. Duplicity. Traitors. Vengefulness. Backstabbing. Filth. That's more like it. Now I'm in the zone.

The Big Brother house is filled with all sorts of mythical fairytale creatures this year. We have a Wizard, a Manbeast, a Ragamuffin, a Cutter, a Queen, an Ass Licker, an Airhead, a Rat, a Love Muscle, a maniacal head of lips and hair with a body attached to it. The protagonists in this twisted tale struggle with reason and wrestle with their own sanity... much like the characters of an H.P. Lovecraft novel. This isn't horror fiction though. This is Big Brother.

So the big question is, Is Jeff the Wizard? Yes, I think so. Yesterday was the first day in this entire season where I saw a confident, shrewd, no bullshit talking Jeff. It was like he was a completely different player. Boy is the Wizard. No doubt about it. The Wizard was a bit of a point of contention yesterday. It's not due to the fact that Jeff got his power. It's due to the fact that others didn't. As the day progressed and the HG's (save Jeff) began to realize one by one that they were not the Wizard, everything slowly began to unravel and we experienced Mental Illness Day Part Deux (thanks HoodedWarrior!).

Russell began his day with a Michele confrontation. It's time to pull teeth. Apparently, last night Michele told Chima something about erectile dysfunction and it's relation to Russell. At least I think that's what was said. Who the hell can tell anymore when Ms. Mumbles gets going? All I know is erectile dysfunction was brought up, Russell got pissed, and Ass Licker began backpedalling. Russell tells Michele he doesn't appreciate her talking about sexual dysfunction in relation to his name. Michele says Chima was mad at her for talking to Russell and made her feel uncomfortable. A giant rainbow of goodness and truth then darted across the sky as Michele said, "I'm not a good on-the-spot repsonder". UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR! Michele mumbles a whole lot more, actually asks, "Do I mumble?", manages to squeak out that it was all a joke, and then she began to eat her face or something.

While Michele was left outside to contemplate her complete and utter uselessness to the world, Russell was inside making a big stink to Jessie and Natalie about just how useless Michele really is. How dare anyone criticize his Love Muscle! He has hard and fast proof now that the mythical conversation in the green room did happen (no it didn't) and that Jessie and Natalie have been telling him the truth all along (no they're not). Russell tells them they need to nominate Michele next week if they win HOH and then he goes out to pace back and forth in the kitchen. I wonder why Michele's erectile dysfunction comment made Russ so mad. Did she actually touch on something that may have some truth in it? Is the Love Muscle not all it's cracked up to be?

Meanwhile Kevin is realizing that if the Wizard Power is the Coup D'Etat then he could be in real trouble. If Ronnie wins it, Kevin is toast. He's done for. He spends the morning securing votes to keep himself in the house if it turns the Wizard ends up putting him on the block.

A half hour later Russell is still pacing, steam coming out of his ears now. He goes to Ronnie and tells him that Michele is really a PhD and that he's sorry he nominated Ronnie. He should have nominated Michele instead. Wha... Wha... What?!? Did that seriously just happen? You bet your ass (licker) it did.

Natalie, never one to miss a fight or an opportunity to start a fight, convinces Russ to have a house meeting. Groan. We all know how these Algonquin Round Table discussions end. Where's Dorothy Parker and Peter Benchley when you need them? Instead we get a dirty Ragamuffin and a mumbling Ass Licker. It hardly seems fair. So Russell has his little meeting and he's throwing Michele under the bus in front of everyone. He calls her out as a liar and publicly apologizes to Ronnie and Chima. Michele, clad only in a bathing suit, sits fidgeting struggling to form a sentence. She says Chima bullied her and made her comfortable. She says she never went into the green room with Jessie and Natalie. I'm going to be honest here. All I could think was, "Cry cry cry cry cry... come on Michele, cry!" The devil made me do it.

My favorite part is when Chima asks Michele what side she's on. Michele says, "I'm on yours." Chima replies, "And Russell's side too?". Ragamuffin, probably smacked in the face with the stench of her own filth, explodes on Michele screaming, "You're the rat! You're the rat! You're the rat!" Jessie is literally pulling her back by her grody unwashed yellow sweatshirt. Michele, desperate with insecurity and failure, turns to Jeff for a helping hand. Jeff screams, "Don't say my name!" (This was when I knew for certain Jeff was the Wizard by the way. He never would have reacted that way before.) Michele turns to Ronnie, "Congratulations Ronnie." Ronnie, smug with rattiness, says, "You're the most stupid and most ignorant person in this house!" *giggles* It's too delicious for words, isn't it?

Here's the whole debacle in it's entirety. Please to enjoy...

Jessie and Natalie pumped up with success (I still can't believe they managed to pull this all off), begin an attack on Kevin. They are trying to convince him that Lydia threw him under the bus. They saw their opening to turn the house upside down and they took it. Look, I hate Ragamuffin and Manbeast, but they are certainly playing this shit hardcore. They never give up and will resort to any form of manipulation to get their way. I kind of have to admire their acumen and tenacity. Two days ago I would have thought it a lost cause to fight for Ronnie to stay in the house, but yesterday it came frighteningly close to them pulling it off. Kevin, fabulous and gey, trying to defend himself to the Terrible Two pauses midfight to adjust his scarf. This makes me love him all over again. A girl has to look fabulous. 2 more snaps and a twist for you Kevin. You go girl.

Ronnie is in the bathroom trying to work on Jeff and Jordan for their vote. They blow him off and Jeff goes in to listen to the Kevin/Lydia drama. He stops everyone from arguing and asks the room to once and for all clarify the green room rumor. Did Michele or did she not have a conversation in the green room with Jessie and Natalie? Michele says no. Natalie says yes. Jeff says, "Well one of you is lying". The Wizard was at work my friends... he was at work.

Lydia gets summoned to the DR and when she emerges something is definitely amiss. She's despondent, quiet, tunnel-visioned, and obviously trying to quiet the voices in her head. I think the DR may have been passing out their Xanax flavored lollipops again because she was positively weird. She asks Jeff for a cigarette and goes outside to smoke away her anxiety. Oh, Chima also mumbled something about Lydia being on meds and how that must mean she has AIDS. I think we can now add the terminally ill to Chima's long list of groups to hate.

Kevin follows Lydia outside and tells her that Jessie, Natalie and Chima were trying to convince him that Lydia was a traitor. Lydia wants to confront Chima immediately and get it all out in the open. Kevin begs her not to and says she's not in the right frame of mind to confront anyone. Lydia moans, "They're trying to split me from the one friend I have in this house." Kevin replies, "Let's let them think we're strained, but we're really stronger than ever." Lydia has Kevin write the word PERSPECTIVE on her arm in lipstick so she can remember where to keep her head in the game.

After that Lydia goes completely off the deep end. First she goes into her room to sleep. I figured the Xanies had kicked in and she needed to sleep it off. Shortly thereafter, Jessie enters the same room and tries to go to sleep as well. THEN it's the attack of the Ragamuffin. Natalie marches in all loud and obnoxious preventing anyone anywhere from falling asleep. She's so evil. She's rubbing salt in Lydia's wounds. Lydia gets up and goes to the splash room to pack. My first instinct was, "She's quitting. Natalie has finally pushed her over the edge." Jordan and Michele enter to see if she's alright and Lydia mumbles that she's leaving. She says Jessie's treatment of her last night made her want to hurt herself. It appears as if Lydia has cutting in her past.

For those of you not in the know, cutting is very serious. It has nothing to do with suicide, but it is very dangerous. A person will cut trying to relieve themselves from the pain that's going on inside their heads. It's not something to joke about and I was a bit appalled by the Twitter reaction to Lydia's confession. It sounds like Lydia had some very difficult years in her past. An egotistical Manbeast could definitely trigger her to revert to old ways. Yes, she probably was seeking attention, but that's part of being a cutter. Cutters will try to keep things private but secretly they want to get a reaction out of people. The cutting is basically a cry for help and I don't find it funny at all.

So Lydia mentions how Jessie's mistreatment of her (throwing her around and bruising her) triggered something in her to want to cut again and then we got fish. Everytime Lydia mentioned cutting again throughout the night we got fish. Jordan and Michele eventually leave Lydia and she continues to pack. Natalie, ruthless and evil and persistant, enters the splash room for no reason at all! She's just there fiddling with a blanket refusing to leave Lydia alone. That girl has some balls. She is truly relentless.

Lydia finishes packing and goes and gets something to eat. She had planned to eat in the spa room, but when she entered the room Jessie has infiltrated it lying lazily on all the pillows. Lydia is not deterred. She sits down and very loudly begins to chomp potato chips. She's determined not to let Jessie have a moments peace. She claps over and over again trying to disturb him and even smears peanut butter on his face.

What transpired was truly disturbing. Lydia tells Jessie he makes her want to hurt herself and he rolls his eyes and sighs, "I know". All she wants is for him to acknowledge that he's treated her like shit. Manbeast won't even give her that tiny bit of respect. He's self absorbed moaning about how Lydia has been nothing but a problem for him. Talk about kicking someone when she's down. It was ugly. Very ugly. Yes, Lydia was annoying. I'll admit that, but Jessie was just plain cruel. He really hasn't an ounce of sympathy in his grotesque muscle-y body. People who go out of their way to bring others down get no sypmathy from me. Malice is truly the ugliest thing in the world.





After all the drama and the hate, we actually manage to get a very funny conversation. Men, cover your ears. I'm about to talk all things period-related. Natalie doesn't know how to use a tampon. Yes, she's on the rag and yes, she's not showering. Jordan tries to explain to her how a tampon works. They get confused over the fact that your pee hole is indeed different from your fuck hole (Sorry, I couldn't think of a better way to describe it). Jordan was trying to explain to Natalie that you can pee when you have a tampon in. She says, "The pee just goes down the string." Natalie asks if you reuse tampons. Jessie chimes in and says, "No! Even I know that." Natalie says, "So when you take your tampon out, it's full of pee?" Jordan says, "No, it's full of blood." I know. I know. Too much information, but I can't even believe that conversation took place with someone over the age of 16. Jordan finishes the conversation telling Natalie she will teach her how to use a tampon.

Natalie, confused over fuck holes and pee holes, is really fuming inside. She's livid that Jessie has been in the spa room with Lydia for over an hour. She tells Chima she's done with him. She specifically told him not to talk to Lydia again and he disobeyed. Oh go take a shower you filthy cunt rag. Cunt rag is my new favorite phrase. And shower she did. Her Have-Not punishment ended and a week's worth of grime was washed off her tiny evil body.

The night ended with messages from viewers being played into the house. Ok quick question: Why did everyone who called in sound like they live in a remote mountain cabin with no running water and rampant tooth decay? Every single message they played was tinged with a back woods mountains of West Virginey accent. Now I love West Virgina. I visit it often so I don't want to hear any attacks, but the people who were calling in sounded like they haven't been to school since the age of 14 and the messages were all moronic.

The messages ranged from begging the HG's for a car (I'm looking at you Mark from Hartford, CT) to singing them annoying songs over and over again. I got excited when I first heard the messages being played in every 10-15 minutes. I thought this will be funny, but then the same messages were just repeated over and over again. It was so fey. Chima told everyone who watches the live feeds to get a life and Ronnie obsessed over someone calling him out over picking his belly button while reading the bible. Natalie was offended by them all taking them personally and Russ and Jeff think they were all so mean. Ronnie announced, "It's official. America hates us." You got that right ratface.

Please to enjoy...

Russell wrote his HOH blog yesterday and never has an HG been more off the mark. Read for yourself how Russ has completely misjudged everyone in the house: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/big_brother/interact/hoh_blog/

So tonight is big. I'm very much looking forward to seeing Jeff get his power. If he doesn't use it tonight, I can say with absolute certainty that Ronnie is going home. HOH is going to be a nail biter... no doubt about it. I'd like Kevin, Lydia, Jeff or Jordan to win. I hope this coming week is when we finally see Natalie and Jessie on the block. Those two are due for some retribution.

Finally, I'd like to thank you all again for coming back everyday to read my little rinky dink blog. I went from having 3 readers to having several thousand in the span of a week. Your kind words of support and your spreading the word has made this blog reach more people than I ever imagined. Thank you for the retweets and the compliments. I really really really appreciate it. It's been a ton of fun and I'm thinking of doing a weekly Bitchy Survivor Blog as a result. Is that something you guys would be into? Let me know in the comments.

Fight Night. It's As Simple As That.

Once every 5000 years or so a miraculous astronomical event takes place. The planets align in such a way that causes people to lose control of all their impulses. Women fornicate with satyrs in the fertile woods. Men pounce on wild beasts to drink their blood. And Big Brother houseguests go absolutely ape shit throwing any sense of caution to the wind. This beautiful once in a lifetime event occurred last night my dear readers. Oh how lucky we are!

The day began with no surprises. Michele didn't use the veto and Ronnie and Lydia remain on the block. The plan is still to get Ronnie out and it looks like it's going happen ever since Michele changed loyalties again.

In the early afternoon, Natalie did the unthinkable. She confessed to Chima that she is indeed 24 and has graduated from college with a Bachelor's degree. Considering she's working at Blockbuster now homegirl wasted thousands of dollars of her parents money but that's neither here nor there. She said she made the decision to lie about her age when she was in sequester prior to entering the house. Chima's first response was, "I'll bet Jessie was happy to hear that!" Natalie tells Chima that the first question Jessie asked her after finding out she's 24 was, "So do you really have a boyfriend?" Natalie tells Chima that her boyfriend isn't really her boyfriend yet. They're working through some things (like a hairless manbeast?) at the moment. Apparently, they were broken up a long time and were trying to reconcile right before she entered the BB house.

Spilling secrets must have been contagious yesterday because Michele divulged to Jeff and Jordan the same secret she told Russell - that she is indeed a doctor. Speaking of the Ass Licker, Russell confronts her regarding the big preplanned lie Natalie and Jessie told him yesterday. She's so damn awkward and fidgety that even though she tells Russell that absolute truth, it reads like a big fat stinking lie. Russell isn't buying a word she's saying (and neither was I) and the Ass Licker was telling the truth! Only a seriously disturbed (or talented) girl can manage to make the truth turn into a lie. It's almost magical. She's terribly unconvincing and her storytelling skills are wretched at best. She confuses everyone with him with her pronoun placement and he has to ask her several follow up questions and it's just one big hot mess. Russell is unconvinced and this gets the ball rolling for what ensues later.

Chima, meanwhile, is still bitchy and scorned not shutting up over what an asshole Russell is. She pulls out a bible and starts finding quotes about a perverse man. One reads something like, "He devises evil continually, winks with his eyes, points fingers at other people, a proud look, a lion tongue, hands that sheds innocent blood.". She looks up at Natalie and Jessie and proclaims, "Oh my god that is so Russell. They put the fucking devil in here." Jessie eggs her on proclaiming that Ronnie is the "innocent blood" the quote speaks of. *rolls eyes*

Chima must have uttered the "phrase that pays" because afterwards, everything started going haywire. We get our first DR leak of the season and it was a doozy. It was broadcast over the loud speaker into the whole house. Way to go Big Brother!

In a meeting in the HOH room between Jessie and Russell, the power once again shifts. Hang on to your valuable display china because the whole house just tilted again. Jessie has managed to win back Russell. Michele's awkward fumbling failed explanation of the "truth" I spoke of earlier absolutely 100% did not convince Russell. He thinks Michele is using him and will come after him as soon as she can. He tells Jessie that she's really a doctor and how the DR tried to convince him to go after Jessie this week instead of Ronnie. Yikes. Looks like BB is sticking their nose in it again. The last time I can remember the DR trying to influence things was with Eric in BB8. Russell and Jessie promise each other they will go to the Final 2 together, but will still pretend to be mad at each other to others in the house. Jessie pleads, "Don't throw me too far under the bus!"

Russell is a misogynistic pig. There. I said it. After he kisses and makes up with Jessie, he launches into a tirade about how Chima wants it to be all girls at the end and how a woman will never win BB this season. He says Michele is "strapping on her dildo" and strutting around like she runs everything. Word to all the men reading this: Get over yourselves. A women doesn't need a penis, real or fake, to wield some power in the world. Russell is just pissed off that Michele has fooled him (well, she didn't really, but that's what the idiot thinks) and so now he has to criticize all women everywhere with his love buddy Jessie. I've got to hand it to Jessie. His lie was so stupid, so weak, so not thought out at all, and so unconvincingly delivered BUT he actually fooled Russell. He actually pulled this shit off. Had you told me 2 days ago he would have succeeded I would have thought you were off your rockers, but he did it. Natalie and Jessie actually fucking did it.

So Russell, angry at everyone with ovaries, pulls Chima into the HOH and they begin to discuss why there is so much animosity. The truth is Chima is a jealous bitch who was rejected by Russell and that Russell feels like he was used and abused by Chima and every other woman in the world (I'd love to meet the woman who worked over Russell cuz you know he was humiliated by one at some point in his life. I'd like to take her to Dairy Queen and buy her a Blizzard.). Things quickly get heated and Michele is dragged into it. Russell thinks Michele and Chima are working together and he wants some answers. Russell explodes on Michele and Michele is thisclose to crying. Chima gets all uppity and declares to Russell, "Your ass is going home next week!". The clouds parted, that choir of angels peeked their heads out, and they broke out into a chorus of Michael Jackson's 'Beat It'. My no-no tingled and I knew it was going to be a magical night.

Russell points at Michele and calls her a liar. Michele stammers and mumbles, "Someone is making lies up about me." Chima, wild and unbrushed, chimes in, "This makes me think that you're the one lying Russell!" And it's on bitches. Glass started to shatter (no, not really but I'll bet Chima's voice could do it if she really really tried), dogs started to howl, and I sat up with a huge grin on my face. There's nothing I love more than a truly delicious shouting match.

Chima gets right into Russell's face and they do that fast talking fight thing that always makes me think about bad breath. When someone is up in your face screaming at you like that, the odor can't be pleasant. I'm just saying...

Natalie, never one to be left out of anything, starts foaming at the mouth telling Russell that Michele used him. She's LOVING the fighting (probably even more than I was) and is setting Russell up to be pubic enemy #1 next week. Anything she can do to fan the flames, she'll do. She's the reason all this is happening in the first place. It was her and Jessie's little innocent lie that has led up to this. I may not like her, but thank you Natalie. Thank you for being such an obnoxious little cunt rag.

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Immediately after the Chima/Russell/Michele fight, Lydia starts ragging on Jessie in the bathroom. She says how he's really on Russell's side and how he said he wanted to punch Michele. I don't know what the hell she's going on about, but it was making good drama so you go girl. Chima says she wants to punch Russell. Lydia, bless her heart, says Russell said Chima was mad because he ignored her advances. LOL. Never kick a jilted woman when she's down. That's all I have to say.

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Natalie enters, of course, and Chima screams, "Why are you being his (Russell's) motherfucking friend?" Natalie drags Ronnie into it, perhaps seeing an opportunity to help his fight to stay in the house, saying that she just wants Ronnie to stay and that he's been nothing but nice to her. Chima is convinced that Ronnie and Russell were winking at each other earlier in the day and now she's saying they're secretly working together. Bitch is paranoid!

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Kevin jumps in agreeing with Chima and the fit hit the shan. Ronnie screams, "I'm not with Russell! I'm going home this week!" Chima says, "Well then we have to get Russell out." Natalie butts in, again, and says whoever has the Wizard Power should evict Russ's ass. She's quickly reminded that Russell is HOH and is safe from Wizard Power evction. Kevin, all hot and bothered, calls Ronnie out and gets in his face. Ronnie declares, "That's assertive behavior!"

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Please to enjoy. It's fucking awesome. Ronnie is caught lying right then and there. Love it.

I said this on Twitter and I'm saying it again. 2 snaps and a twist for Kevin! You go girl! Oh, I almost forgot, Ronnie said earlier in the day that he admired Hitler. Oh, yes he did. He said he admired Hitler's public speaking skills and his abiltity to mobilize large groups of people. *shakes head* Why, Ronnie, why? Why do these idiots always stick their foot in it? Jews of the world, you have my permission to hate this guy.

Chima stuck her foot in it too. She called Russell a terrorist simply because he's Lebanese. Chima, the patron saint of all things having to do with racial equality, accuses a Middle Eastern man of being a terrorist and thinks it's funny. *shakes head again* It's narrow minded thinking like that that is the problem with society today. Sterotypes are bad news people. They lead to hate crimes. Not all gays want to fuck you, not all tomboys are lesbians, not all Middle Eastern people are terrorists, and not all dorks are soft and sweet on the inside. Hate begets hate begets hate. Fuck you Chima. You're an ignorant bitch. I'm putting a psychic fatwa on your ass. I'm so done with you.

I'm often asked if I admire Chima for overcoming everything she's gone through in her life and for sticking up for herself. Yes, it's admirable she's a survivor and fought back a man who was raping her and trying to kill her, but that still doesn't give her any right to spread hate. I just can't, in good conscience, condone that kind of behavior. She's incredibly strong for coming through her horrible ordeal, but she's also an incredible cunt from hell who thinks her shit doesn't stink and that she's better than everyone else. Keep in mind all this bullshit she's pissed about is simply because a guy didn't want to get freaky with her. She's angry, bitter, and jealous.

This brings us to the NEXT big fight - my favorite fight of the night. Turn off your cell phones, grab a beer, mute the television... this is SO deliciously fabulous. Chima, still bitter and destroyed that Russell doesn't want to give her his love muscle, just can't get over the fact that she's been rejected. She's a total insitgator people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Russell tries to ignore her, tries to avoid a fight, but Chima just will not let it go. He tries to play pool and she shouts, "Fucker!" and throws water in his face. She proceeds to call Russell a "tiny dick motherfucker" (if only she knew it's not the least bit tiny - I've seen the photos http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/7683/lovemuscle.jpg) and making nonsensical asinine remarks. It makes her look like a spoiled brat quite frankly. At one point during this fight she chest bumps Russell and puts her hands on him. Russell smacks her hands away and everyone in Twitterverse got all pissy saying Russell pushed her. No, Chima put her hands on him first. What was he supposed to do? Just sit there and take it. He didn't hurt her. He was trying to get away from her before he could hurt her. I think Chima wanted to get hit. That's my opinion. I think she wanted Russ to hit her and get evicted. She's an evil conniving bitch and Russ, once again, just didn't give her what she wanted.

Please to enjoy:

You're not going to believe this, but while all that Russell/Chima shit was going down ANOTHER fight was brewing in the DR. Ronnie is livid that Kevin got into his face. He starts bitching about it and crying... yes, crying. He cries saying Kevin assaulted him and that Big Brother should watch the feeds over again and evict Kevin. I know what he's doing here. He's doing exactly what Chima did by trying to get Russell to hit her. He's trying to get Kevin evicted for physical assault. Pathetic. Kevin did NOT assault him and Ronnie is just basically resorting to any means necessary to stay in that house. A grown man crying on tv because a gay man yelled at him is just laughable. Kevin stood his ground. Ronnie didn't expect it. And now Ronnie is pissed off Kevin made him look like an idiot.

Ronnie, come here, I've got a secret for you. You admire Hitler, you cry when someone confronts you, and your ass is going home. Buh bye. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. Your evil sneaky dulplicitous ways are no longer welcome.

Please to enjoy:



Where was Jordan during all this you ask? Princess was playing with her hair remarking how comfy the couch is and thinking that Chima and Russell staged everything. I'm dead fucking serious. Now Jordan thinks she saw Chima and Russell winking at each other during the fight too. Jordan, precious, wake the fuck up! Read some books, go back to school, and get out of your rainbow filled peppermint patty world. It's astonishing how stupid you are. Yes, you're adorable and very likable but your stupidity is beginning to really piss me off. I fear for your future. You're such an easy mark to be taken advantage of. Please be careful when you do anything in life. I feel like you need to have yellow police tape around you warning all evil doers to keep away. Orange cones need to be taped to your ass because someone like you is just an accident or misjudgment away from disaster.

And that's the fat. That's the skinny. You like? I love. These psycho bitches this season are such good drama. From the bottom of my heart I thank them. The DR called them all in one by one telling them to calm down and to try to stay 3 feet away from each other. LOL Good luck with that Big Brother.

I haven't the foggiest what will go down today, but if it's half as good as what happened last night, I'm ready!

A super special thank you to Shea and Alexis, the best clip girls in the world. You guys rock!

The Cheese Stands Alone

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." Lily Tomlin

The power has shifted. Keebler elves are busy in their trees cooking up a batch of deliciousness. Wood nymphs dance seductively to the sounds of birds chirping and squirrels scurrying. Babies born today greet their first look at the world with a smile rather than a cry. Bustling city traffic has suddenly gone quiet because there's no longer a reason to honk horns. The whole big blue ball of a planet we sit upon can finally exhale and breathe a sigh of relief. All is well. We are safe. How did we arrive here? What precipitated the perfection that is today? Let's recap, shall we?

Yesterday was the POV competition. Russell, Ronnie, Lydia, Jessie, Kevin, and Natalie were the players and I'm wondering if Bacchus was the name of the game. The POV had something to do with wine and togas and may or may not have included several live rats. Jessie, perhaps in a state of Week 4 paranoia, asks Russell to throw the competition to him if they are the last two standing. Russell tells him that he doesn't want Lydia, Kevin, or Ronnie to win. If one of them do win, Jordan will go up as a replacement nominee. I'm not sure if Russell is telling the truth or not, but it's music to Jessie's ears. In the end, Michele won the veto and no angels sang and no fairies danced. In fact, all the fairytale creatures just kind of looked at each other and shrugged.

Michele winning the veto does nothing for me whatsoever. I don't like the girl at all. I never have. I don't care how kinky she gets when she drinks, she does zero for me in this game. To make matters worse, whenever she wins something she gets smug and starts to gloat and wear ill fitting clothes and... ugh. I hate her.

Michele showers and then puts on what I'd like to call a blue potato sack. She struts around the house (sans plastic heels this time) and begins to feel very powerful. She goes outside to Jeff and Jordan and begins to share with them just how powerful she imagines herself to be. Power in Big Brother, to me, is the ability to get other people to do your bidding. MICHELE HAS ZERO POWER. Even with that POV hot in her hand, she has, and I repeat, ZERO POWER. The only thing Michele does have is a target on her back. Winning 2 POV's in a row and hanging on til the Final Four in the HOH has not gone unnoticed. Believe you me, Michele is more in trouble now than she ever was before and I'll explain why.

So Michele makes a pitch to Jeff and Jordan in the BY. She tells them she won't use the veto at all and she will jump alliances and vote to evict Ronnie. I think she expected Jeff and Jordan to do backflips or something, but instead they just sat there and nodded. Michele began her lackluster pitch by saying that she thinks Russell threw the POV and how she doesn't trust him at all. Remember folks, Jeff is in an alliance with Russell. Michele doesn't know this at all so she fancies herself to be some sort of great groundbreaker and game changer. All she's doing now is making herself disliked by 2 alliances instead of 1. She says, "Having won the POV this week gives me the power to game change and if I go next week, I go." What power, bitch? You're not using it! She goes on to say that everyone is threatened by her. OK, that might be a little true only because she's winning things now, but she's not a threat as far as persuading people to vote a certain way. She's only a threat when it comes to challenges.

Michele goes on to say that Kevin will be walking out that door if she has anything to do about it. Again, Jeff and Jordan are ALSO in an alliance with Lydia and Kevin. For some reason, Michele thinks that voting Ronnie out this week is some big huge power play. Michele voting Ronnie out this week makes her public enemy #1 with her old alliance (Jessie, Natalie, Chima) and places her in a very soft alliance with Jeff and Jordan. She will have effectively made enemies with the entire house after this week. Her old alliance will be pissed, she's said openly she doesn't trust Russell, and she's completely turned on Kevin and Lydia. That only leaves Jeff and Jordan. Jeff and Jordan having Michele on their side isn't something to brag about it. Her vote could come in handy or it could put them in a very precarious position.

I watched Twitter land light up with people foaming at the mouth over how great Michele is and how she's tipped the balance blah blah blah. I must be watching a very different game because all I see is Michele positioning herself to be more alone than ever before. Maybe Michele thinks that Jeff or Jordan will get the Wizard power (that's what the house is calling the Coup D'Etat). I'm not sure if that's her motivation for abandoning her own alliance. Sure, her old alliance was wretched and we all hate that group, but I'm trying to analyze from a purely strategic point of view right now. Jeff and Jordan may be the publics second coming of holy bliss, but they have other loyalties in the house that precede this new loyalty to Michele. For a second, I thought maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe all the chatters and Twitter people are actually right and Michele is a lot smarter than I give her credit for. I was clearly flying solo in my analysis of this when it came to the social networks, but then something beautiful happened. A lovely blonde angel named Jordan confirmed all of my innermost thoughts and turned to Jeff (right after Michele left them) saying, "Watch what you say to her." Thank you Jordan! Bless your little bloated naive heart. Michele is nothing more than a girl who's all alone in this game because she refused to commit and she's burned too many bridges. She's turned on every alliance she's had and has proved herself to be nothing more than untrustworthy.

Here's the Jeff/Jordan/Michele conversation for you to analyze yourself. Let me know in the comments if I'm completely nuts or the most astute person on the planet:

I forgot to mention yesterday that indeed everyone is referring to the Coup D'Etat as the "Wizard Power". Anytime anyone gets called the Diary Room they shout, "Wizard!" The consensus in the house seems to be that either Jeff, Jordan, Lydia or Ronnie could get the power. It all depends on what kind of edit CBS is giving them. They've pretty accurately determined what the power is - something that will override the HOH and allow them to evict someone. Unfortunately for Ronnie, this power is looking to be only chance of staying in the house.

This brings me to another little controversial gem. Yesterday BigBrotherLeak sent out a tweet that someone went to a tech geek site requesting the code to create a bot that will allow an infinite number of votes to be cast for Ronnie. I went to the site myself and checked out what all the fuss is about. It looks like a Ronnie fan was indeed trying to cheat for him. The screenname of the fan was nondescript and pointed to no one in particular. It's absolutely impossible to even begin to guess who made the request. There are millions of people who watch Big Brother and it's likely that a good many of them are Ronnie fans (keep in mind a very small percentage get the live feeds and Ronnie has been getting a sort of evil mastermind underdog kind of edit from CBS)As twitter is often wont to do, everyone began to jump to conclusions and point fingers. Naturally, people started blaming Michelle Talbott. Being the investigative journalist I am (not!), I went to Michelle and asked her to comment on it. This was her reply: "Yeah. I have no idea what they are talking about. What's wrong with ppl? First they say he won't win and now that he's cheating?!" There you have it. Cheating is wrong and no one should do it, but pointing fingers with zero proof is also wrong. I kind of have the feeling that if the bot was generated to create Jeff votes, that a big deal wouldn't have been made at all. In fact, I think people would be spreading it around to give to others thinking it was funny. The whole thing set my Hypocradar off and you know when it goes off I can't ignore it.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, Jeff and Jordan were enjoying the quiet late California afternoon by themselves out in the backyard. They began to ask each other about their lives, dreams, wishes, etc. The Jeff and Jordan fans bathed in Sprite and farted bubbles of love and goodness while cynics like me just sat and stared dumbfounded at what was being said.

In response to what animal would you be, Jordan said she wouldn't want to be a shark because "they are stupid". Oh, it gets better. She also said she wants to visit Fiji, but she doesn't want to leave the United States because she's seen Locked Up Abroad (best show ever by the way... I highly recommend it). Out of every celebrity in the world, she'd want a date with Brody Jenner (all I have to say is, what the fuck?). She'd like to hang out with Tom Brady because he's cute and that must mean he's funny too. If she could take a weekend vacation with someone famous, it would be Justin Timberlake. She thinks she might like to live in California because "it's neat" and her absolute dream job would be a dental hygienist because she likes teeth and they make a good living. Jeff and I both immediately said, "A dental hygienist?" That's so random. I would have respected the answer "I want to be a mermaid" more than "I want to be a dental hygenist". What planet is this girl living on?

Jeff, on the other hand, might like to be a whale or a dolphin because they're just chill. He'd like to live overseas near the water because he likes the lifestyle. If he could eat anything right at this moment it would be crab legs. He'd like to date a Victoria's Secret model and he'd like to hang out with Rob Dyrdek because he thinks it would be fun and crazy. His dream job would be to have a travel show where he gets to go all around the world. Now we're talking! I've always said that Anthony Bourdain has the best job in the world. Jeff also said he's typically attracted to brunettes. That made Jordan get very quiet and the beautiful tiny pixie that was sitting on my laptop fell over dead. You can't say things like that Jeffy Pooh. There are ramificiations that affect all sorts of mythical creatures outside of your newspaper boy capped head.

Someone tell me I'm not the only one who thought a stage production revival of The Newsies was in order:

Come on, you know you were thinking it too.

Last night the HG's were given a little alcohol and most spent the evening outside chit chatting. Ronnie stayed inside and read his bible. Natalie at one point peeked in on him and told him not to ask Michele to use the POV because it was a waste of time. She told him to try to win her over instead and that her crew will also try to win her over. Ronnie already has votes from Chima, Natalie, and Jessie to stay in the house. They just need to work on Michele.

Ronnie must have interpreted, "win her over" to mean "go into full rat mode, humiliate yourself, and then piss people off even more" because that's exactly what he did. First he went up to the HOH and confronted Russell. He tries to convince Russell of his loyalty saying he's never gone against their alliance. His voice is cracking, he's shaking, and he begins to cry whenever he mentions how much he wants to stay in the game. He assures Russell that the only people he wants out of the house are Jeff and Jordan. He says he has no problem getting blood on his hands and taking one for the team like he did when he voted to keep Chima or when he put Jordan on the block. He goes on to tell Russell that his speech absolutely did not offend him (it had something to do with religion I think) and that he and Russell are actually very similar in a lot of way. They both like to "take the bull by the horns".

Ronnie confides in Russell that something horrible happened to him when he was 18. He lost a lot of friends and had to move 3 hours away from where he lived. He doesn't go into any more detail than that, but says that when he was in the HOH all alone all of those feelings from his past came up again. I began to get a very different view of Ronnie the more I saw him in action yesterday. It probably didn't help that I watched his audition tape for Solitary 3.0 as well (clip is at the end of this post). He's extremely vengeful and duplicitous and I have no doubt that this has caused him great problems in his personal life. He really had a chance to go far in this game, but his underlying need to make himself feel better by backstabbing others will be his ultimate downfall... not just in Big Brother, but in life as well. I think he's probably very insecure and his bravado is nothing more than a defense mechanism. Russell ends the meeting in the HOH telling Ronnie he'll "marinate on it".

Ronnie then approaches Michele in a fucked up effort to win her over. Michele tells him she will not use the veto and Ronnie lies and says that's the best choice. He goes on to tell her that he's always been loyal to his alliance and that "actions speak louder than words". He never listens to all the talk in the house because he knows most people are lying. He prefers to judge them on their actions rather than their words. This is actually a very smart way to approach the game. The problem is Ronnie doesn't abide by his own rules. He's absolutely paid attention to all the gossip. He's the one who spreads more than half of it. Anyhow, he tells Michele that if he goes home she'll have turned against her alliance and they'll go after her. She will have no one on her side. He says, "The cheese stands alone."

Michele says that if she chose to keep Ronnie in this game at this point that Ronnie will surely go after her the first chance he got. She only won the veto to ensure her own safety. She tells Ronnie that she knows he suggested Russell put her on the block (I said this yesterday, but Ronnie actually did NOT suggest that. He wanted both Lydia and Kevin on the block. All he said about Michele was that she wasn't trustworthy). Ronnie says, "No I never said that. I told Russell I didn't trust you." For once, he's telling the truth, but not for long. Ronnie then tells Michele that he's talked to Russell about staying in the house and that Russell told him he's marinating on it (truth). He also says that Russell is beginning to think that putting Ronnie on the block was a bad idea in the first place (lie). Oh Ronnie. What a stupid thing to lie about! If that gets back to Russell, he's going to make your life in there a living hell. Have you learned nothing?!?

Seeing that Michele is not going to budge, Ronnie's panic sets in and his evil side begins to show. Michele tells him, "Strategically, I don’t think it’s in my best interest to have you still around”. Ronnie replies, “Strategically, it actually weakens you. Now you have no true alliance.” He continues, "It may not be next week. It may not be the week after that, but you will be evicted if I leave that door. You will not make it to the final 2 and even if you do, you’re playing for second place.” Why do men always do that? The second they don't get their way they immediately insult you. Women do it too I suppose, but it's always uglier when it comes out of a man. To me, it immediately reads as misogynistic and cowardly. I think it's safe to say that Ronnie has failed in his attempt to win over Michele.

So that's where we are. It looks like Ronnie's ship has sailed and he needs a miracle to stay in that house. Will it be in the form of a Coup D'Etat? I have no idea. He needs to play nicey nicey instead of bitter bitter with everyone in the house. I think Michele using the veto is a lost cause. It's not going to happen, but can Ronnie convince more people to vote against Lydia? You can guarantee he's going to crucify her to Jeff and Jordan in the very near future. Will the Coup D'Etat holder choose to do something crazy and awesome like evict Jessie at the last minute? I can only hope. I still refuse to give up on my dream of having Jessie evicted AGAIN in Week 4.

Here's a blonde Ronnie trying to get on Solitary 3.0:

HOH Executive Offices Are Open For Business

It looks like we've got ourselves a real honest to goodness HOH. The boardroom is open and we've got a lot to discuss. Lets get to it.

For the first time this season, Russell has set up the HOH Executive Offices. He held meetings all day long with each and every HG trying to get a read on where their heads at and, more importantly, comparing all their stories. That conversation the other day - the one where Casey and Russell eavesdropped on Kevin, Lydia, and Ronnie plays a HUGE roll in who Russell decides to nominate. Personally, I'm not sure why he places so much importance on one of thousands of conversations, but he does and, as a result, old alliances are broken and new ones are made.

The magical moment chatters are excited about is the birth of a partnership. Jeff and Russell have joined forces. These boys want to work together from here on out. They see one another as kindred souls who can take out the evil nuisances in the house. Jeff describes his relationship with Russell like this, "I think we have a lot of similarities. We both try super hard. We both push the envelope. And more important than any of that we both come from the same Catholic families." Apparently, Russell's letter from home (the one I noted yesterday as being very cool) really touched a chord with Jeffy Pooh. It rubbed him the right way in his happy place and now he feels satisfied with his decision to let Russell have HOH. They end their conversation with a few pats on the back, an ass grab (ok I made that up), and a hot tongue kiss (ok so I made that up too). My imagination, for some reason, tends to turn everyone into slap happy gay nymphomaniacs.

Next up is the man most of you affectionately refer to as The Rat. Ronnie marches in and he's not wasting any time. He sees a bus coming down the road a piece at 80 miles an hour and it needs some victims as far as he's concerned. He launches into an attack on Kevin claiming he threw the HOH and told everyone he could have hung on longer. He says Jordan told him Russell was talking shit about him. He claims Michele is trying to mend bridges with him and probably can't be trusted. He likes Chima and thinks she's solid (he's only saying that because he sees how tight Chima and Russ have become) - "Chima embodies the consummate survivor." Ronnie likes Jessie and Natalie and his allegiance will always be with them and Russell. He likes Lydia on a personal level, but says she sucks up to whoever is HOH. In the end, he wants Lydia and Kevin on the block. They both won prizes (Kevin - $5000, Lydia - 42" Plasma TV), absolutely cannot be trusted, and they spearheaded the campaign to backdoor Russell. Lydia changes week to week and is unpredictable throwing things out of proportion (when Russell accidentally hit her in the head with the ball) while Kevin is more logical. Both are a threat and they need to be evicted. Ronnie says he'll vote however Russ wants him to.

Michele is up next and right away Russell tells her that Ronnie threw her under the bus. Clever Russell. Ronnie actually didn't throw Michele under the bus all that much at all, but Russell is on a mission to get as much dirt on Ronnie as possible. Russell's main gripe with Ronnie is such a weird one. He is very nervous to have Ronnie in the Jury House. He thinks that Ronnie will NEVER stop playing the game and will campaign actively to make sure that Kevin, Russell, Jeff or Michele absolutely do not win Big Brother in the end. This line of reasoning kind of bothers me. First, you have to get to the Final 2. That's not easy to accomplish. Someone like Ronnie is a zero threat physically and if it came down to Russell and Ronnie in the final 2, Russell would clearly win. Instead of trying to get rid of Ronnie, it might be wiser to keep the most hated person in the game by your side.

Russell is basing his whole mission to oust Ronnie totally and completely on that conversation he eavesdropped on. My issue with that is this: It's a known fact that Ronnie is a liar. Who's to say that he wasn't lying to Lydia and Kevin in that conversation? If Ronnie really wanted Russ out of the game, he would have backdoored him when he had the chance. I think Ronnie likes having the jock types looking after him. It's the people that can't protect him physically that he really has issue with. Maybe he sees himself as being smarter than the jocks and mental threats are more concerning to him than physical ones. Why else does he hate Michele so much? She's never done anything to him, but he REALLY dislikes her. Or Lydia. Lydia was someone who wanted to keep him in the game. Clearly, Ronnie has a plan for whom he wants out of the game and the order in which he'd like them to leave. I have no idea what his logic is. He lies too much for me to get a read on him.

Kevin, sweating like a whore in church, is the next one in the boardroom. He's nervous, he's fidgety, he's inarticulate, he's stumbling, he's stammering... what the fuck? Where's the Kevin I know and love? He's nervous and awkward and not making any sense whatsoever. He pulls it together a little bit when he tells Russell about his experience in high school. Kevin says he was feminine, thin, and weak, but he surrounded himself with strong people so no one would mess with him. He says he did the exact same thing when he entered the BB house. He'd never turn on Russ and Jessie because he respects their strength and feels safe with them. Russell begins to quiz him on the conversation he overheard and Kevin's answers match up with what Russ heard. That's the magic ticket Kevin. You are now safe. Whew!

Russell tells Kevin that Ronnie made a good case for him to go on the block. Ummm I just relistened to that whole conversation and Russell, my man, you are one hell of a liar. In each of these mini meetings he's having, he's basically turning everyone against each other and in the process creating little pseudo mini alliances with each and every house member. If the HG's ever compare notes, I really don't think they'd bother to confront Russ on it. His temper has them all a little uneasy and no one wants to get the treatment Ronnie got last week.

Kevin swears on his life that he's never talked game with Ronnie. He says he's even too scared to talk Star Wars with Ronnie because he knows even that conversation won't end well. Russell laughs and Kevin is back in the game! His charm and his wit are his strongest attributes. It disarms people and makes him seem nonthreatening and likable. He just can't take so long to get himself warmed up next time. His nervous energy seriously almost sunk him with Russell. They conclude the conversation agreeing not to put one another up from here on out.

Jordan, paunchy and overfed, gets her turn next. Seriously, homegirl needs to put down the food. She can't fit into her jeans anymore and she's beginning to waddle when she walks. She's fiercely loyal to Jeff and tells Russell that Jeff hasn't filled her in on the deal that they made during the HOH. Russell assures her that she's safe and that he and Jeff want the same person out of the house. Once Ronnie leaves, the house atmosphere will change. The lies and backstabbing will stop. Dream on Russell.

Lydia is next and she knows she's a possibility to go up. She tells Russell that if she's on the block, then Russell won't have her vote to evict Ronnie. Keeping her off the block assures Russell that he gets one more definite vote to evict Ronnie. This doesn't bother Russ at all. He's going to use Kevin for that guaranteed vote. Kevin won't vote out Lydia if she's up against Ronnie. Lydia starts ratting out everyone saying that Chima wants to go to final 2 with Natalie, Ronnie lurks everywhere and could win the game, and that Jordan may not be as naive as she portrays herself to be. She doesn't bad mouth Kevin at all which makes me happy. She calls Kevin level headed and observant. She tells Russ that she's adores Kevin and would never say anything bad about him. She jokes a little about Russ and Chima and Russ insists he'll never do anything sexual while he in the house. He's a commercial real estate broker and hooking up could affect his career. Wait a tic... I thought he was a professional fighter. Maybe this is why no one can ever find any info on him in a professional fight. He's too busy appraising industrial properties and changing lock boxes to beat some ass.

After all this negotiating and making pitches, Russell nominates Ronnie and Lydia. Apparently, the speech he makes is a good one and very anti-Ronnie. His goal is to get Ronnie out, but already there's some dissension in the ranks. Natalie and Chima want Lydia gone while they have the chance. Chima tells Russell she'll vote how he wants, but right now I'm not really sure I believe her. Once Natalie gets in her ear, there's no telling what she'll ultimately do. Natalie has already been working on Jessie to get Lydia out demanding that he never talk to her anymore.

Now yesterday I claimed that Russell was after Jessie. I would have been right had Russell not stuck his head up his ass over that ridiculous conversation he overheard. Had that conversation never happened, Jessie would be on his way out. Ronnie ruins everything! Sure, Russell could still have it in the back of his mind to get out Jessie. He plays with his cards close to his chest so he could still surprise us all.

Although, last night, Jessie expressed some deep concern regarding getting rid of Ronnie at this juncture. He has Ronnie wrapped around his finger and it behooves him to keep Ronnie in this game a little longer. If Jessie continues to bitch and the slop continues to wreak havoc on his precious body, then I could still be right about my "way out" prediction. I'm not throwing in the towel on that just yet. Anything could happen between now and Monday. My only hope is that Kevin or Lydia wins the veto and Jessie starts throwing tantrums. Someone somewhere, perhaps Lydia, will turn on Jessie and report his grumblings about evicting Ronnie to Russell.

Already Jessie, Natalie, and Chima are planning to put up Russell and Jeff next week. Russell needs to know this information pronto. I don't care who tells him - Ronnie, Michele, Lydia, or Kevin - but someone needs to get him this information before the POV ceremony. If I end up being right about the whole Jessie going home this week, then I want some massive props, tweets, and glowing reviews of my intellect plastered all over the internet. If I'm wrong, I'll blame it on Bloodydove, Grimace, Hoodedwarrior, and Jediaces. When in doubt, blame a man. ;)

I'm in somewhat a good mood today so here's something for all of you Jeff and Jordan fans. BB11_Unleashed says watching Jeff and Jordan is like showering in Sprite. So refreshing! That made me laugh so here is your "refreshing" clip of the day. Turn off your television, pause your ipods, put away your knitting, get your hand out of your pants... oh wait cancel that last one. Ignore the tiny fluttering fairies that will very shortly adorn your personal area because here are Jeff and Jordan briefly kissing. You hear that? It's a choir of angels. Actually, Jeff is a total pussy and can't really seal the deal and Jordan is too busy dreaming about cookie dough to fully commit, but here it is anyways so enjoy:

A Day That Would Make Salvador Dali Jealous

Image via Dona Bogart (Thanks!)

The word surreal doesn't even begin to describe the day we had in the Big Brother house yesterday. What you thought was true ended up to be false. The unimaginable suddenly became the imaginable. Up was down. Down was up.

Let's not waste anymore time, shall we? Lots to discuss.

The day began innocently enough. Casey and Jeff were up early talking and working out. Nothing seemed amiss. Michele arose soon thereafter and after stabbing and eating her breakfast in the bathroom (this should have tipped me off) expressed her concern to Jeff saying that some people in the house may want to keep Ronnie. OK Nostradamus, what else do you have up your magic sleeve? Jeff immediately negated the idea and Michele promptly stole one of Ronnie's most favorite lines, "Actions speak louder than words." Jeff walked away, Michele muttered, "Fuck you Jeff" under her breath, and the tone of the day was set.

Michele and Jeff continued their odd little conversation in the backyard. Michele doesn't think she wants to throw the HOH competition now. She knows people have been talking about her and she doesn't think she can trust anyone. Jeff shrugs it off as paranoia and relays all information to Casey.

Casey, the white guy who thinks he's black, the master DJ spinner, has emerged as the ring leader in the Ronnie hate fest. He's the one who wants everyone to throw the HOH competition. He's made it his personal mission to get Ronnie out of the house and, the once formerly quiet and pensive man, has now become the house loudmouth on everyone's radar.

Not much went on for the next few hours... people waking up and greeting the day. It was here that I decided to hop on my treadmill. I don't know why, but something inside me told me to set my laptop up so I can continue to watch the house. There I am running and walking, walking and running, feeling pretty good about myself when all of a sudden I glance at my laptop. I see Russell running up the stairs to the HOH, frantically knocking on the door, begging to be let in. Needless to say I almost broke my ankle leaping off the treadmill so fast. I ran to the computer and here's what I saw:




And with that the entire face of the game has been altered. Only one (slightly nutty) live feeder had an inkling that something like this would happen. The incredibly astute and persistantly cynical Jediaces predicted something like this would go down. Everyone else, including myself, was COMPLETELY fooled. I've seen every season (even watch other BB's from around the world) and have analyzed and written about BB for 4 years now and I was completely snowed. Props to Russell (and Jedi). He consistently continues to surprise me and I NEVER know what he's up to. He could be the most exciting player I've ever seen. He definitely keeps things interesting.

Later in the day the HG's were given a catapult like contraption that may play a role in tonight's HOH. It was delivered to the backyard with instructions for them to practice. All HG's had to report to the BY for a lockdown and we all held out breaths wondering what would happen to Ronnie. He simply sat quietly, kept to himself, and didn't take part in the practicing (he can't play in HOH). As soon as he was able to, he ran back upstairs to read his bible. Personally, I think he's reading his bible because it's the only reading material available. I don't think he's overly religious at all. Very few people rooted in intelligencia are.

The HG's are practicing and Casey starts foaming at the mouth about Michele. I really wish he'd shut up. I liked him a lot more when he was simply an observer offering nothing more than funny witticisms. BB fever has taken over Casey and he's got game on his mind CONSTANTLY. The only problem is that he's very loud about it and he's drawing attention to himself. As a result, Russell, Ronnie, Natalie, Lydia, Kevin and Jessie want him gone. I predict a troublesome week ahead for him if he doesn't win HOH.

Jessie was inside discussing the catapult thing and the fact that Casey canNOT win HOH with Russ and Natalie. He thinks that they may have to launch the balls into baskets representing the HG's. Maybe when a ball lands in their basket, they are eliminated from HOH. Pretty insightful coming from Jessie if you ask me. I'm finding that I just don't have the hatred for Jessie that I had last season. He has a large alliance, he's not creating too many waves, and he's way more entertaining than someone like Michele. As far as game play goes, Jessie has really done nothing to upset me. I'd much rather someone like Chima be evicted before Jessie. Chima is hateful, whiny, loud, and a complete and total bitch. The day she's gone is a day of celebration.

The 2 nominees aren't campaigning, aren't mingling, aren't worried at all. Laura spends her days sleeping and dreaming about even bigger boobs and long lazy days of playing horseshoes (thanks Grimace). She's also probably hallucinating at this point due to malnutrition. The slop diet has turned Laura into the spitting image of a frail 90 year old woman with spindly legs and arms. Jordan, on the other hand, is puffy, poopy (she has constant diarrhea), and a little dirty. She's stopped washing her hair and has taken to dressing sloppy. Her stories make even less sense now (something I thought impossible) and are so embarrassing to the point that they're even making Jeff uncomfortable. I'm finding it very very hard to continue liking her. The dumb southern blonde thing used to be cute and endearing, but now it's becoming exhausting and sad. She's so dumb and she's so oblivious to what's going on around her that I almost feel pity for her. I think it was the baby talk thing that pushed me over the edge. Her accent gets thicker and she lays on the baby talk whenever she tells Jeff one of her inane childhood stories. And before anyone starts shouting "Hypocradar!" at me, I hate it when Lydia does it too. Women who talk baby talk should be collected and shipped off to a remote island in the South Pacific. They should be forced to build shelter, kill their food, and endure infinite insect and rat bites. That'll knock the baby talk right outta them.

This brings us to our second Russell/Ronnie encounter and to what is quite possibly the funniest clip of the week. Russell, anxious to keep Ronnie informed of the day's developments, risks a very dangerous visit to the HOH. At what was not the most opportune time of the day, Russell runs upstairs and hides in the HOH. He's scared shitless. EVERYONE is milling about the house. His eyes are glued to the spy screen as he makes some more plans with Ronnie. Ronnie informs him that Lydia and Kevin shot him looks of sympathy and understanding when he was sitting outside. Russell wonders who's after him, Laura or Casey, just as Casey himself enters the kitchen and appears to be looking for someone. Can it be? Can Casey be searching for Russell?

Casey's eyes dart here and there. He knows something stinks in Burbank but he can't quite figure out what it is. He starts going room to room quietly wondering to himself where Russell could be. He tries the storage room, the bathroom, and even the diary room. Meanwhile Russell is upstairs (WITH THE ENEMY!) frantically pounding spy screen buttons and realizing he's trapped. He has no way of getting downstairs unnoticed. People in the chats were screaming for Casey to go upstairs. I was screaming, "No no! Hell no!" This Ronnie/Russell alliance is the most exciting thing I've seen in any Week 2 of BB. Why would anyone want to put the kybosh on it now? Don't you guys want to see how this all plays out? I know I do.

Eventually, Ronnie decides to leave the HOH to get some food and create a distraction. They agree to talk again at 4 am. Russell gets his Jason Bourne on and crawls on his stomach out of the HOH. He's hiding not only from Casey but from everyone else in the house as well. It was hysterical! You have no idea how close Russell came to getting caught. In the end, he pretended that he was stalking Ronnie and ended up falling asleep on the upstairs couches. I think it's fooled Casey for the time being. You can tell he's getting paranoid and that he knows something isn't right, but he hasn't pinpointed exactly what it is yet.

Later Natalie and Lydia, having NO idea that Russell and Ronnie are really working together, agree that keeping Ronnie in the house is a good idea. They think that as long as Ronnie is in the house, they can keep the target off their back.

Chima, wild and psychotic, gets a whiff that something isn't right with the HOH tomorrow. She was under the impression that the Brains would throw it and that she'd be completely untouchable. Michele hints that she has no intention of throwing anything. In typical Chima fashion, she blows up and starts accusing everyone of trying to set her up. She wants to know why no one told her that they were no longer going to throw HOH. Casey intervenes suggesting that he's not the architect of any HOH plans (lie) and that they should all decide together what the plan will be for tonight's competition.

Everyone, save Ronnie, gathers at the dining room table and discusses how this week will be played. They all agree that the mission is to get Ronnie out (keep in mind that Russ, Jessie, Natalie, Lydia, and possibly Kevin are completely lying) and that the best way to do it is to backdoor him. Russell brings up the possibility that if people throw HOH and the POV turns out to be a competition for prizes or money (which HOH automatically plays in) that whoever threw the HOH would be pissed off at missing out on prizes. Russell doesn't want that on his hands. The last thing he wants is Chima bitching for a week over losing a chance to win some money. Jeff agrees that if a prize competition is in the near future that everyone should have a chance to play. Casey chimes in saying that everything changes in the house so quickly that you never know if a little fight will suddenly make you more hated than Ronnie. Throwing HOH could put someone, who's innocent this week, in jeopardy next week. It's a unanimous decision. The house agrees that NO ONE will throw HOH.

Duh. Get Mensa in here right now. That meeting was such a big ole bag of bullshit. You know without a shadow of a doubt that everyone was going to try for that HOH anyways. No one wants to be vulnerable. It's too risky in that nuthouse. They change their game plan just about every 3 hours in there. Anyone throwing that competition would have ended up taking it in the ass. The whole meeting was just for show.

Naturally, everyone went outside and immediately started catapulting balls all over the place. Michele is horrifyingly bad at it. Casey looks like he's training for the Olympics. Paranoia has officially set in.

Tonight is going to be exciting. You thought last weeks HOH was a big deal? You have NO idea how important tonight is. Personally, I want an Athlete to win it I think. That way Jeff, Russ, and Jessie are safe and Michele & Chima are not. I'm done with Michele and Chima. They are at the top of my shit list. This doesn't mean I want an Athlete to win the $500K, I just don't want them vulnerable this week. I need to see what happens with the Russell/Ronnie alliance. I really really really want to see how that plays out and how Ronnie's game changes as a result. I love all the secret alliance stuff and watching it blow up next week is going to be perfectly delicious. I like the drama and the intense strategizing. That's what gets me off when it comes to BB (not some guy from the midwest in his black boxer briefs). Right now only Russell and Ronnie are giving me that.

As far as tonight's eviction goes, I'm predicting Laura goes home with a vote of 7-2 . She's infinitely more threatening than pea brain Jordan and she made her bed with that idiotic tantrum she threw in the HOH. I've heard rumblings of some talk on Twitter this morning that some people in the house are now thinking of voting Jordan out, but I really don't think that will amount to anything. Jessie will get his girls in line and make sure Laura goes home.

I bid you adieu Seabiscuit. It's good you left when you did. I'm plum out of horse references. Had to borrow from the Canadia lad known as Grimace to make it through today. I never liked you but I wish you and your ridiculous breasts well. Now go. Trot off into the distance and stop whitening your teeth already.

A special hi there and hello to Ronnie's wife, Michelle, and sassysara.