Greetings bitches!
It's that time of year again. The time of year when the sun perches itself high up in the sky and 13 or 14 questionably sane people choose to live under the glare of my piercing green eyes. I've spent the past year laboriously preparing for this moment. My bathtub gin is almost ready. I've got glitter on retainer at the craft store and Mr. O'Shaugnessy gets back from Malaysia any day now. I will indeed be blogging BB12 daily. Keep an eye on this site in the first week of July where I'll dissect and unfairly criticize the new cast. Fun!
It's been one hell of a year in the world of Big Brother. Never before has a cast sought to cling on to their fame more than the cast of BB11. Thanks to Twitter and Facebook we've been able to follow the rapid decline and embarrassment of one Miss Michele Noonan (Did I call this train wreck or did I call this train wreck?). Bless her heart. She got new boobs, new teeth, lost all her friends, and paid for a crap hosting video. Just because it's BB12 time doesn't mean you're off the hook Precious (yes, like the movie). You fucked up when you accused me of creating those fake Twitter accounts. You knew I didn't do it yet you slandered my name anyways. Not smart. Until you publicly admit I didn't start those Twitter accounts, you're still under my watchful eye.
We saw Jeff and Jordan stumble and hiccup their way through South America and Europe on The Amazing Race. "Let's dance!" became the phrase du jour and the tortilla industry in Chile will never be the same (not from the earthquake... from Jordan). Thankfully, Jeff will be out of the country this summer to torture a whole slew of foreign innocents while, back in America, I breathe a sigh of relief and menopausal hags everywhere stare wide-eyed at Twitter waiting for an update - any update - of Jeff's whereabouts. Bon voyage Jeffy Pooh! Please don't come back.
Ronnie and the Ragamuffin pretty much kept to themselves staying out of all the post BB drama. Braden attached himself to Jeff's star and is trying to be a manager or something. I don't even know what Laura and Casey are up to and I think Jessie is in the midwest somewhere kissing his biceps. *shrugs shoulders* I stopped following Russell on Twitter because all he talked about was steak and Chima... well, I really don't care what she's doing.
That leaves my two little sparkly bitches, Lydia and Kevin - the duo that should have been on TAR - the two HG's who brought flair, sass, and colorful phrases to an otherwise vanilla house. Lydia's gone through more hairstyles than I can count and The Scarfed One has kept us laughing on Twitter and Facebook. When these two eccentric beauties get together my no-no tingles and I see nothing but magic. So imagine my utter delight when I discovered we'll be able to watch these two all summer long with their new Pop Talk! Web Show. They'll be talking about BB, pop culture, and all sorts of reality show nonsense. I, for one, can't wait.
Paging Michele Noonan... this is how you host a show. No classes. Just charisma.
Please to enjoy:
It's cute, right?
Well, that's it for now. I'll be posting as BB12 news comes in. In the meantime, feel free to join the Bitchy Network where we talk about everything from the Real Housewives to books to sports.
See ya soon bitches!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
An Open Letter To Michele Noonan
.gif)
Dear Michele,
How are those new boobs treating you? Great, great... good to hear.
Umm so pumpkin, the reason I'm writing is I understand that you went on a radio show last night and openly accused me of creating Twitter accounts impersonating you and other Houseguests. Not a smart move honey as it's not me. From what I understand, it's illegal to impersonate people online and accusing someone in a very public forum of illegal activity hurts you more than it hurts me. If this whole Twitter thing really bothers you (and I have a feeling you secretly love it), then I encourage you to file subpeona's to Twitter and get the IP numbers of your impersonators. You will quickly find that it's not me, never has been me, and never will be me.
Firstly, I have two Twitter accounts. @ColetteLala is my personal Twitter and @Mr_OShaugnessy is the Twitter of my fictional leprechaun. Both are Private. I have never created any other Twitter accounts and have no intention of doing so. Hasn't your impersonator also mocked Ronnie and Lydia? Not only do I like both Ronnie and Lydia, but I've spoken to both of them in the past. As I tend to protect the people I care for, impersonating them is clearly out of the question.
You also insinuated that I "hate" you and have nothing else better to do but to sit around and think of ways of making your life miserable. I hate to break it to you precious (no, I don't), but... lean in so you can hear this... I'm not the only person who dislikes you. When you consistently put yourself out there in the public eye, you better believe that public ridicule is bound to follow. The fact that you're so insistent that you're not seeking fame is, quite frankly, just offensive. Why would you start a youtube or dailybooth account if it's not attention you're seeking? Why get fake boobs, hair extensions, and the wardrobe of a 13 year old girl who's mad at her mom if it's not to be in the public eye? In all honesty, I'm half convinced you have the movie THIRTEEN playing on a constant loop on your new plasma screen TV.
It must be hard knowing that Jeff and Jordan are about to dominate the BB spotlight in the next few weeks. Is all of this your way of staying relevant? Hey, I don't even care for them, but their fan base pretty much crushes yours - not unlike Godzilla did Tokyo. If going on a radio show to "set the record straight", not take any phone calls, and wildly point fingers at innocent people is what you need to do to feel better about yourself, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're delusional enough to think that people care. I'm sorry you've mistaken a few thousand fans for complete and utter world dominance. I'm sorry you consistently laugh at your own unfunny jokes.
As far as my message board is concerned, my Members talk about any and all Houseguests who either intrigue them or continually make asses of themselves. It just so happens you've dominated the latter category these past few months. Out of curiosity, do you know Tila Tequila? It's a theory I'm working on and you could save me a lot of time by just answering me straight away, but I digress. As a matter of fact, you are a teeny tiny percentage of what goes on over at the Bitchy Network as you yourself should know since you tried to become a member. We have over 20 Member Groups that dish on everything from LOST and Project Runway to coupon clipping in a difficult economy.
I would, however, like to thank you for mentioning my sites on the air. That sort of publicity is priceless and I'd love to send you a fruit basket. Do you prefer all bananas or would you like me to throw in some pineapples too? Let me know.
In closing, as long as you keep posting videos, photos, and updates on your life people are going to comment on it. Not everyone will like you. Repeat that to yourself for the next hour. Not. Everyone. Will. Like. You. Might I suggest you get your head out of your ass (no matter how good it may feel to you) and grow a fucking backbone? Aren't you trying to become a tv host or something like that? Well, Sugartits, you've got a long ways to go and learning to take criticism should be your first lesson.
Yours affectionately,
Colette Lala
How are those new boobs treating you? Great, great... good to hear.
Umm so pumpkin, the reason I'm writing is I understand that you went on a radio show last night and openly accused me of creating Twitter accounts impersonating you and other Houseguests. Not a smart move honey as it's not me. From what I understand, it's illegal to impersonate people online and accusing someone in a very public forum of illegal activity hurts you more than it hurts me. If this whole Twitter thing really bothers you (and I have a feeling you secretly love it), then I encourage you to file subpeona's to Twitter and get the IP numbers of your impersonators. You will quickly find that it's not me, never has been me, and never will be me.
Firstly, I have two Twitter accounts. @ColetteLala is my personal Twitter and @Mr_OShaugnessy is the Twitter of my fictional leprechaun. Both are Private. I have never created any other Twitter accounts and have no intention of doing so. Hasn't your impersonator also mocked Ronnie and Lydia? Not only do I like both Ronnie and Lydia, but I've spoken to both of them in the past. As I tend to protect the people I care for, impersonating them is clearly out of the question.
You also insinuated that I "hate" you and have nothing else better to do but to sit around and think of ways of making your life miserable. I hate to break it to you precious (no, I don't), but... lean in so you can hear this... I'm not the only person who dislikes you. When you consistently put yourself out there in the public eye, you better believe that public ridicule is bound to follow. The fact that you're so insistent that you're not seeking fame is, quite frankly, just offensive. Why would you start a youtube or dailybooth account if it's not attention you're seeking? Why get fake boobs, hair extensions, and the wardrobe of a 13 year old girl who's mad at her mom if it's not to be in the public eye? In all honesty, I'm half convinced you have the movie THIRTEEN playing on a constant loop on your new plasma screen TV.
It must be hard knowing that Jeff and Jordan are about to dominate the BB spotlight in the next few weeks. Is all of this your way of staying relevant? Hey, I don't even care for them, but their fan base pretty much crushes yours - not unlike Godzilla did Tokyo. If going on a radio show to "set the record straight", not take any phone calls, and wildly point fingers at innocent people is what you need to do to feel better about yourself, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're delusional enough to think that people care. I'm sorry you've mistaken a few thousand fans for complete and utter world dominance. I'm sorry you consistently laugh at your own unfunny jokes.
As far as my message board is concerned, my Members talk about any and all Houseguests who either intrigue them or continually make asses of themselves. It just so happens you've dominated the latter category these past few months. Out of curiosity, do you know Tila Tequila? It's a theory I'm working on and you could save me a lot of time by just answering me straight away, but I digress. As a matter of fact, you are a teeny tiny percentage of what goes on over at the Bitchy Network as you yourself should know since you tried to become a member. We have over 20 Member Groups that dish on everything from LOST and Project Runway to coupon clipping in a difficult economy.
I would, however, like to thank you for mentioning my sites on the air. That sort of publicity is priceless and I'd love to send you a fruit basket. Do you prefer all bananas or would you like me to throw in some pineapples too? Let me know.
In closing, as long as you keep posting videos, photos, and updates on your life people are going to comment on it. Not everyone will like you. Repeat that to yourself for the next hour. Not. Everyone. Will. Like. You. Might I suggest you get your head out of your ass (no matter how good it may feel to you) and grow a fucking backbone? Aren't you trying to become a tv host or something like that? Well, Sugartits, you've got a long ways to go and learning to take criticism should be your first lesson.
Yours affectionately,
Colette Lala
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)