Friday, August 16, 2013

Bitter Quitter

Billy Ocean once said, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Not true, Mr. Ocean. Not true! When the going gets tough, the tough go home. They pack up their strapless terry cloth onesie rompers and their caterpillar eyelashes and they hightail it off the CBS backlot. When you have a perfect little treasure waiting for you back at home with one of your former clients (husband) and more CBS shows to assault in the future, you throw your hnmm mnmm's into a sack and hitchhike to the nearest five star hotel. And once your wedges are happily clip clopping across the marble foyer, you can settle into your penthouse suite, pour yourself a glass of champagne and cheerfully tell the chamber maids to stop flattering themselves. What a relief! Maybe this summer can be saved after all. Let's recap, shall we?

After a semi ho-hum week where a waddler couldn't decide what personality she was going to try on, the live feeds turned on with that characteristic Thursday night drama and we all sighed in relief. Aryan has once again won HOH and Amanda is once again disappointed in herself. As I'm sure you know, McCrae threw his round to Amanda so she could once and for all win HOH and get that letter from her family. The problem arose when Amanda found herself in the final two with that challenge beast, Aryan. Aryan ended up with another victory under her belt and McCrae ended up with a giant case of the sads.

In the cockpit we find Amanda and McCrae pouting about the competition. McCrae mumbles that he could have easily won. Amanda sighs and openly admits that she sucks under pressure. She asks McCrae if it looked like she threw the comp to Aryan. McCrae tells her that he doesn't know, but he knew the answer to that final question right away. You can visibly see that McCrae regrets throwing his round to Amanda. And now, strangely, he is worried that Aryan will put him on the block. He tells Amanda that he doesn't trust Aryan which immediately pisses off Amanda. Amanda has said day in and day out that as long as 3AM (Amanda, Aryan, Andy, McCrae) sticks together, they will make it to the final four. So, hearing that her own boyfriend is someone who doubts the four, angers Amanda.

McCrae then finally verbalizes that, yes, he did indeed throw his round in the HOH to Amanda. Amanda replies heatedly, "I had no idea that's what you were doing!" She continues and says again how much she sucks at comps. Instead of consoling her, McCrae remains quiet and stuck in his own thoughts. Amanda begins to cry and says, "I'm sorry you got stuck with someone who sucks at the game!" She then storms out of the room and tells McCrae that he's rubbing it in her face that she sucks at comps.

Amanda then heads to the Storage Room to cry behind the recycling bin. You laughed and, yes, I laughed too. I'm a hardcore Amanda fan, but even I can see the humor of a garbage can sniffling.

Back in the cockpit, Elvira (Elissa) enters. She says to McCrae, "Hnmm mnmm, I think I'm going to be put up." McCrae nods and says, "Me too." OK, hang on a sec, what the hell is McCrae talking about?! He has no reason whatsoever to doubt Aryan's loyalty to 3AM. I can see why Amanda was so pissed off at him. Instead of saying an encouraging word, he's busy crafting weirdo nonsensical game scenarios in his shaggy head.

Meanwhile, in one of the bedrooms, VaGina (GinaMarie) and Aryan are packing up Aryan's clothes for her HOH week, but something is amiss. Aryan is angry - oh so very angry. She is throwing her off the shoulder tops on the bed and violently folding her daisy duke's with an uncharacteristic fervor. It turns out that during the filming of the CBS broadcast, Elvira refused to sit on the same couch as VaGina and Aryan. She called them "disgusting" and said that they were beneath her. VaGina asks Aryan if she thinks Elvira said the comment because VaGina doesn't have any money. Aryan tells her, "No, it's because we're not P.C."

*marching band plays outside the bedroom door* Rah, rah, rah! 2-4-6-8 Who do we appreciate? Aryan! Aryan! Yayyyyy Aryan! Oh Christ, it's Hell-en (Helen). She's dressed like a figure skater and ready to give her weekly congratulatory cheer to the new HOH. And, looking at my watch, she's right on time. You see, this is a weekly ritual for Hell-en. Right after the feeds turn back on, she grabs her pom-pom's and attacks the new HOH with compliments and high kicks. After she completes her 28th toe-touch, Hell-en shouts to Aryan, "Turn your frown upside down! You're so bright! You amaze me!" Aryan glares at Hell-en out of the corner of her eye and mumbles a thank you. 

Amanda, who is now done crying to the trash bin, enters the bedroom. Aryan tells her that Elvira legitimately hurt her with her comments during the show. Aryan also wants to know why Julie keeps asking her questions about confrontations in the house. She wonders if she's being portrayed as the bitch who confronts people. Amanda tells Aryan that the Elvira drama makes her nominations super easy this week. Aryan replies, "Yeah it does!" (YES!)

Amanda then happily and jokingly bitches about how bad she is at competitions. She seems to be over her sadness and back to being fun and self-deprecating. She laments how it's especially bad since that HOH in particular was probably designed for her to win since it was a Broadway theme. She tells Aryan that her brain just doesn't work well under pressure. She's trying to put on a brave face, but it doesn't work. Amanda starts to cry again when she talks about how much she wants to see pictures of her family - especially her nieces and nephew (FYI, her black Autistic nephew). Amanda calls herself a baby for crying so much over this, but it makes her sad knowing she'll leave the house without winning anything. Aryan tells her that she may not be good at competitions, but she's the mastermind of the entire house. (TRUE!)

Back in the cockpit, Hell-en is telling Elvira and Spencer that in her real life she is good at everything she does, but for some reason she's not very good at Big Brother competitions. Elvira then whines about having a bad day and not being able to see a photo of her perfect little treasure son. She sighs that now she's stuck with these wretched people until September. She's going to miss PLT's (Perfect Little Treasure) first day of 3rd grade. Spencer then kisses Elvira's ass and tells her what a good mom she is. Elvira replies, "Hnmm mnmm" and Spencer leaves. Elvira then turns to Hell-en and tells her she is worried that Aryan will nominate her this week. Hell-en assures her that Aryan won't. (HA!)

Over in the Have-Not Room, we find Amanda and McCrae discussing Aryan. Amanda is worried that Aryan will win the entire game now. Amanda says that Aryan is doing all the moves that Amanda concocted for her plus she's winning competitions. McCrae, still deep in his own thoughts, ignores Amanda and says that he is worried about his safety this week. He wonders if everyone in the house knew her threw that competition. Amanda tells him that the others won't care. McCrae says they will. 

Amanda quickly turns the conversation to Aryan's HOH. She says she wants Aryan to put up Hell-en and Elvira, but the target will be Hell-en. Amanda thinks that maybe it's ok that Elvira saw her crying earlier. Maybe that will make Elvira think that Amanda isn't working with Aryan after all. 

The night continues with dinner and Aryan getting her HOH room. Up in the HOH the consensus amongst 3AM, VaGina and Spencer is that Hell-en and Elvira are going on the block. Aryan thinks the target is Elvira, but Amanda, McCrae and Spencer are really targeting Hell-en. 

Meanwhile, Hell-en and Elvira are in the Storage Room discussing Aryan. Hell-en comments about how good Aryan is at competitions. Elvira sneers that it's because Aryan takes Adderall. Hell-en quickly tells Elvira to stop staying that because it upsets Aryan and she might nominate Elvira if she hears it. Elvira tells Hell-en that she's probably going on the block anyways. Hell-en then does some cartwheels and tells Elvira not to get down in the dumps. 

Later, Hell-en goes up to the HOH to do some Elvira damage control. She tells Aryan she knows that Elvira's comments hurt her, but Elvira was simply having a bad day. When she called Aryan disgusting it was because Elvira was nervous about the competition. *eyeroll* Aryan doesn't buy it for one second and can't figure out what she did to piss off Elvira again. They've been cordial to each other for about 2 weeks now. Hell-en quickly tries to apologize for Elvira, but Aryan whines that she can't believe how rude Elvira is especially after she's kept her safe all these weeks. 

Hell-en, armed with information, leaves the HOH and runs to tell Elvira that she's probably going up for nomination. Elvira purses her ridiculous lips and says that if she gets sent to Jury, she'll quit and go home instead because that's what good sports do! They quit. They don't get their way so they run back home to Sugar Daddy. 

Hell-en, armed with even newer information, runs back up to the HOH and begins to cry. She tells the room that after all this time of protecting Elvira, Elvira says she'll quit the game if she gets evicted. Instead of feeling sympathy for Hell-en's tears, the room sits in stony silence. Not getting the reaction she's wanting, Hell-en begins to cry even harder. She tells them that Elvira was her only vote in the Jury to win and now she's going to quit. Waaah waah. Again, her tears are met with silence. 

Later, when Hell-en finally leaves, the HOH room is PISSED. Amanda can't believe that Elvira would quit the game when so many of them had to fight so hard just to get on the show. McCrae is equally angry saying it's a an insult to them all. Looking on the bright side of things, Amanda says that if Elvira quits, she can't win the $25,000 Fan Favorite. She says someone who actually wants to be there deserves it over Elvira.

So, with nominations today, look for Hell-en and Elvira to go on the block. Hell-en will feign sympathy for Elvira all the while throwing her under the bus. Aryan and VaGina think the real target is Elvira so if they catch wind that Hell-en is who the house is planning on voting out, there could be some fireworks. We'll just have to wait and see.

So, what did you think of last night's show? Will Elvira turn psycho again after nominations? How many tears will Hell-en cry today? Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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