Saturday, August 20, 2011

Open Post

Ok so this is what is called an Open Post. I fucking hate this show, I hate the cast, I hate the lack of drama, I hate listening to them talk about fishing and curtains and fiances. I HATE IT.

So, in protest, this bitch refuses to blog today. I'll let you guys do it. Show me what you got in the comments. Here's what you have to work with:

Jeff has nominated Kalia and Porsche for eviction.

Jeff assigned Daniele, Kalia, and Porsche to be Have-Not's for the week. Kalia cried.

America (assholes) voted to give the Have-Nots hard-boiled eggs and jalapenos. Kalia cried. She can't eat jalapenos. Shelly laughed wickedly in the backyard.

Big Brother denied Daniele a birthday party in favor of celebrating Jordan shedding her Humilitard.

Jordan danced like an insipid fool in the backyard with Adam.

Rachel pouted over god knows what.

The plan is to vote out Daniele. If that doesn't work out, they'll target Kalia.

To Jeff's surprise, Jordan wants to get rid of Adam before Porsche. Jordan has a feeling that Adam could slide through and win (kind of like she did in BB11?).

I have to take off for a quick jaunt so I will be back on Tuesday. I'm going to be honest though - I'm losing steam very very quickly. I may shave back the posts to only a couple of times a week. We'll see. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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Friday, August 19, 2011

Big Jeff, Tiny Bubbles

The big ole rusty pendulum of life has swung back in the other direction and now a bunch of insufferable maggots are in power again. Three weeks of promise are gone and all we have to show for it is one lurching penis skyper nestled cozily in a mansion somewhere. So many mistakes have been made. So many opportunities passed by. *sigh* Now I have no choice but to spend the rest of the week referring to myself in the third person. Big Colette is angry about how things went last night. Big Colette shakes her head with disdain while polishing her rifle. Big Colette can't remember where she put her bullets, but, once she finds them, Big Colette plans on shooting her face off. Let's recap, shall we?

The HOH gets off to a decent start with everyone keeping pace and shuffling their little hearts out. Straight away we knew the pretzels, hot dogs, pound cake, fish sticks, pork tendorloin, and sides of beef couldn't have been doing Kalia any favors jostling around in her stomach like that so it was pretty safe for Big Colette to assume that Kalia wouldn't even come close to winning. Besides Big Jeff, Porsche was the break out star with Jordan right behind her, but could they keep up? Only time would tell.

Shelly, the wonderful wizard of leather, was a speed demon. With her Meg Ryan hair matted to her face she raced back and forth, back and forth, on her bony legs keeping a decent pace for a smoke-filled ole broad. The only problem was she kept spilling half her bounty before making it to her giant gumball tank. It was an error she had no idea she was making and one that she'd never recover from. Thankfully, her animated fish faces kept Big Colette giggling and clapping with delight. It was somewhat comforting to know that when Shelly concentrates her tongue takes on a life of it's own and peforms a little dance for passersby. I can just imagine Shelly on a fly fishing adventure in Montana with one of her big money clients. The fish would leap out and latch onto her tongue instead of the bait. Everyone would guffaw and laugh while Shelly, cheerfully posing with both hands on hips, beamed proudly with a ten pound trout hanging off her tongue. I'm sure there are lots of stories about Shelly and her tongue. Lots of softball locker room stories.

The suds kept building and the rain kept falling. Since an injury was the only way Big Jeff would slow down and give Porsche a shot at winning, Big Colette crafted a quick and rudimentary "Break an ankle, Jeff" spell. No matter who many virgins Big Colette sacrificed or how far Big Colette sprinkled her hemlock, Big Jeff just wouldn't slow down and fall. Briefly, he choked on some suds and Big Colette takes full credit for that, but it wasn't enough to effect the outcome.

And so it is with great sadness and regret that Big Colette tells you that Big Jeff is our new HOH.

It takes Rachel about 2.3 seconds to morph from Depressed Rachel right back into Bitch Rachel. With Big Jeff in charge, Rachel is safe and she knows it. Shelly, however, isn't amused. She hates Rachel when she's sad. She hates Rachel when she's mad. She hates Rachel in a car. She hates Rachel in a bar. Shelly hates Rachel. It's a delicious hate Big Colette loves to wrap myself in. Shelly is the one person who isn't intimidated by Rachel and she won't hesitate to let Rachel know exactly how she feels about her, but more on that later.

So Big Jeff is in charge and Kalia & Porsche know they're in a little bit of trouble this week. Kalia beaches herself on her bed and says, "Oh well. If one of us goes home this week, then the stress will be over." Como what? Kalia is ready to give up that quickly? Porsche disagrees and says that she doesn't want to leave the game without winning at least one HOH. Kalia sighs in response and fingers a tub of frosting underneath the covers. If Big Colette heard Kalia was ready to give up so easily, Big Colette would've hightailed it right up to Big Jeff and told him what Kalia said. Big Colette would do what those bitches on America's Next Top Model do. Whenever they hear that someone really doesn't want to be there, they march up to Tyra and tattle. Since Tyra hates a defeatist attitude, she sends home the bitch who doesn't appreciate the opportunity she's been given. As a result, the negative energy is gone and the smizing can continue. Problem solved.

Big Jeff gets his HOH room and everyone does that sappy girly, "Awwwww!". It's not just a normal, "Awwww!" It's one of those, "Awwww's!" that go up a few decibels at the end. Like when girls see a litter of puppies... "AwwWWWW!" Annoying.

Anyhow, Jeff gets a letter from his brother, some chapstick, a t-shirt, beef jerky (which Adam tries to shove down his pants), cereal (which Jordan immediately confiscates), a cheese platter and corn nuts. Now, Big Colette takes issue with the corn nuts. Watching and listening Big Jeff pop them one by one into his giant trap was about as appetizing as listening to BB11 Natalie gnaw on a log of taffy. Excruciating!

After the initial merriment dies down, you can tell Jeff & Jordan just want to be left alone. Jeff has no desire to talk game and Jordan has her face half into a bowl of Lucky Charms. The problem is that Shelly & Rachel have no intention of leaving. They both want to get a little face time with Jeff as soon as possible. A week of sucking off Brendon has loosened Rachel's lips and she's in full on smooching mode. She says to Jeff, "Aren't you so excited?! Thank god!" She tells him how well he did in the competition and wonders where his head is at as far as nominations go.

Meanwhile, Shelly is waiting on Jordan hand and foot and is in the kitchen getting the princess some iced tea. She bitches to Daniele and Kalia about how annoyed she is with Rachel. She says that since she's off the block this week, she'll lay down the law to Rachel and tell her to cut out all of her antics. Big Colette was surprised at how open Shelly was in admitting she's safe this week, but couldn't wait to see Shelly lay into Rachel.

Big Colette wouldn't have to wait long because as soon as Shelly delivered the iced tea to Princess Jordan, she turned to Rachel and said they needed to talk. Shelly says she's sick of all the devil looks Rachel is giving her. They're on the same team and they should be supporting each rather than talking about one another behind each other's backs. Shelly says it's not her fault she was on the block against Brendon and won. *bites fist* Shelly tells Rachel that it's because of all of her hard work that Rachel has remained safe for this long. Shelly takes all the credit for keeping Rachel in the house during Kalia's HOH (as she should). Rachel sits in stony silence and doesn't say a word.

Seeing that Rachel has no intention of speaking, Jeff & Jordan jump in and say that they agree with Shelly. They want to start this week off with a clean slate. It's important they all support each other and work as a team. Shelly interrupts and says that when she hears others in the house talking about the private conversations she's had with Rachel, it makes her angry. Shelly expected a thank you from Rachel and all she got was devil looks and squinty eyes. Again, Rachel says nothing. Jeff begins popping corn nuts in his mouth and Big Colette starts to go a little mad.

Shelly eventually leaves the room and Rachel laughs, "Oooook." Jeff stops her before she can anything bad about Shelly and reiterates how they need to support each other. Rachel drops the Shelly issue for the moment and turns the conversation back to nominations. The one question on everyone's mind is whether or not they should just go ahead and nominate Daniele or backdoor her. Daniele has the Veto Ticket so she'll play in the POV regardless. Jeff worries that if they try to backdoor Daniele and she wins the POV, she'll take Porsche or Kalia off the block and Jeff will be forced to put up one of his own alliance. He asks Rachel if he were to put up Shelly, would Rachel hold a grudge and use it as an opportunity to get her out of the game? Rachel assures him that she'll vote however he wants. The goal is to get one of the three girls (Daniele, Kalia, or Porsche) out of the game. Rachel seems to be pushing for Porsche to go. She says Porsche is good in physical competitions, but we all know it's because Porsche isn't her lap dog anymore.

So, that's where we stand. Jeff is targeting the three girls, but wonders about how to nominate Daniele. If one of the three have to go home this week, Big Colette hopes it'll be Kalia. What do you guys think? Comment it out bitches and have a great day! Also, be sure to make all comments in the third person. Please preface your names with the word "Big". Thank you.

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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Slap Heard Around The World

Alcohol. Nectar of the gods. Bacchanalian delight. It makes your inhibitions fall to the wayside and your secrets bubble to the surface. Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "Wine is bottled poetry." Well, that's all fine and good Bobby, but I would argue that wine, in the Big Brother house, is bottled asshole-ishness. It doesn't quite roll off the tongue like that poetry line, but it'll work for now. In the Big Brother house wine is not only your unzipping, but it is your undoing. One sip of the good stuff sloshing around inside your mouth and your lips gets loose, your tongue goes wagging, and those gums, they go a'flapping. Stone-faced players turn into bowls of transparent Jell-O. Wicked hosebeasts turn into even wickeder hosebeasts. And, naturally, I'd like the entire backyard turned into a vineyard as soon as is humanly possible. Let's recap, shall we?

Not much happened during the day yesterday at all. It was basically a bunch of useless people being useless by the pool. Shelly smoked (her skin) and Jordan paddled around in the water. Apparently, Kalia got a warning from the DR about her singing. If she keeps it up, not only will they give her a penalty nomination, but they'll dock her stipend. Finally! If you don't watch the feeds, you should know that Houseguests are not allowed to sing in the house and everytime they do sing, the feeds go down until they shut their giant traps. Kalia sings ALL THE TIME. Therefore, the feeds go down ALL THE TIME. It's been going on since week one and I'm not sure who or what made CBS finally threaten her, but I'd like to write that person a thank you note. Actually, I think it was a Michael Jackson song that finally pushed CBS over the edge. Can you imagine the price of having to pay for the rights to use an MJ song? Astronomical, I would think. I would also think that Kalia's measly stipend wouldn't even cover 1/10th of it. So, thank you Michael. Shamon.

I'm going to fast forward right to BBAD where we find Shelly furiously cleaning and Daniele dipping into her HOH wine. The HG's are preparing for the big hot dog eating contest between Adam and Brendon. Giant glasses of water are poured and a huge plastic bowl of weiners is delivered. Jeff splits open all the buns while Adam plans his attack. Each bun is carefully placed over a napkin lining the counter while Shelly sneaks outside for a quick smoke. Somehow a raw egg became a bonus round and Kalia stood by somewhere and drooled.

Finally, the contest is ready to begin. Brendon ninja kicks the air. Adam adjusts his bandana. Kalia hides under the counter waiting to catch any crumbs and Jeff banishes Rachel from the contest area. On your mark, get set, go!

Adam uses the separating method and immediately sends 5 weiners to his belly. Brendon daintily nibbles on a hot dog while Adam furiously shoves buns into glasses of water. Brendon whips out a knife and fork and chops his dogs into tiny little ladylike pieces. Rachel stands on the sidelines and fans her man with a towel. Meanwhile, the entire crowd is cheering for Adam. "You got this Adam! Take your time Adam! Go Adam!" Rachel jumped up and down banging on an inflated trash bag. "Bren-don! Bren-don! Bren-don!" I took my rifle out from underneath my bed and shot her right between the eyes. Try saying "Bren-don" now, bitch. *blows on the end of the barrell*

Adam finishes his 10th dog, cracks an egg into a glass and guzzles it down. With a primal metal scream and a string of belches, Kalia, I mean Adam, is the winner.

While the dogs settle and burps subside, Rachel sneaks upstairs to make her final pitch to Daniele about keeping Brendon in the game. She begins the conversation with, "Isn't Brendon so fun?" Daniele rolls her eyes and says, "Oh my god, that's really how you're going to pitch this to me?" Daniele quickly assures Rachel that she'll work on Porsche for her vote to keep Brendon. Rachel thinks it's a waste of time and wonders what the chances are of getting Kalia to flip. Daniele thinks that in the end Kalia will do what she wants to do. Rachel asks Daniele how she'll vote in the event of a tie. Daniele asks her who she thinks the 3 will be to keep Brendon. Rachel says herself, Jeff and Jordan. Daniele confesses that if the vote comes to a tie, it puts her in a really bad spot. Rachel understands, but tells Daniele that she needs to think about who will help her get to the end. Is Shelly really that person?

Rachel wants to talk to Kalia with Brendon and pitch a deal. Daniele tells Rachel that all Kalia cares about is people in the house liking her. This little fun fact goes in one of Rachel's ears and out the other. Actually, Daniele is pretty astute in her assessment of Kalia. I said last week that Kalia was insecure and self-sabotaging. She destroyed her own HOH out of a need to please others. Rachel would do well to pay attention to these little tidbits as they could be used to reel Kalia in at a later date. The conversation continues and I'll admit that I'm a little lost. Daniele swears she'll help Rachel try to keep Brendon and all I can think is, "Wait. What? Really? How come?" Usually Daniele is pretty straightforward about not wanting to keep certain people in the game so I have to scratch my head and wonder why the hell she wants Brendon to stick around.

Daniele tells Rachel that she told Brendon that if he leaves, she has Rachel's back. Now, I'm really confused. Daniele assures Rachel that they are in a secret alliance that she will keep from Kalia. If Rachel ever tells anyone about their secret alliance, then Daniele will deny it to her death and go back on it. But, for now, Daniele wants to work with Rachel. *sigh* Really? Come on! I hope she's lying, but, to steal a phrase from Shelly, Daniele has always been a "striaght shooter" when it comes to telling Rachel where her head is at. If she didn't trust Rachel, she'd tell her to her face. She's done it in the past so I'd assume, if she felt the same way, she'd do it again now. But, she's not doing it again now. She's Team Rachel now. *throws hands in the air* I don't get it. If I missed something, let me know in the comments. I asked people last night on Twitter about this and no one else seems to know what's going on either. I welcome any explanations.

Now, let's move on to what had Twitter all a'twitter last night... the big Rachel & Brendon fight. It was probably the biggest one we've seen yet and, if I do say so myself, it was awesome. The fights are what I live for. Salty, delicious, crumbly fights. Rachel leaves the HOH and Brendon immediately pounces on her saying that by the look on her face, it didn't go well with Dani. Au contraire mon frere! It went swimmingly. Rachel is in a secret alliance and has her ass covered in the event that you leave. We all wondered if Rachel would spill her new deal to her bohunk boyfriend, but, to everyone's delight, she kept her mouth shut. All Rachel tells Brendon is that their only hope is Kalia and that if they can't get Kalia, Daniele probably wouldn't save him in the event of a tie. She shrugs her shoulders and acts defeated. But, BUT, really, deep down inside she knows she's ok. Her silence is impressive. Too bad the rest of her isn't.

Brendon lurches into the kitchen to make some coffee and Rachel approaches shortly after. They whisper to each other some more with Rachel firmly strapping a "sad face" on. Suddenly, she mopes over to the fridge, leans in, takes out a beer, snaps it open, smiles with daggers in her eyes and then closes the fridge again. Brendon says, "What the hell are you doing?! That was Porsche's beer, wasn't it?" Rachel giggles in response and that was all it took. The opening of a beer can. So innocent and so evil all at the same time. Brendon says, "Stop it! You're fucking pissing me off now!" He summons his harlot into the Have-Not room and here we go...

Rachel tells him to please not yell at her, but her request falls on deaf ears. That's what they're here for - for Brendon to yell at her. He immediately launches into a tirade about how he's worked so hard for her to stay in the game and then she goes and does something stupid like opening Porsche's beer. On this point, Brendon is right. He sacrificed himself for her and she very flippantly does stupid little shit that could destroy her (and his) credibility in the game. I get it. I completely understand where he's coming from. Brendon wonders why he's killing himself to keep her in this game and Rachel says, "I don't know. You shouldn't have come back. Basically." *bites fist* Ahaha!

Brendon sighs and then paces around the room beating on his own chest like an angry gorilla. He asks why she's giving up so easy. Is it so she can hang out with him in the Jury House? Rachel says yes and explains that she'll never make it to the final two. Now, I don't know what Brendon did in sequester (Skype), but it seems like he really doesn't want Rachel around him in Jury. Is it because he wants her to win or is it because she's a vile exhausting hag? *shrugs shoulders* Who knows? He's mad she's giving up so easily. Rachel whines that she's not giving up. And around and around we go.

The frustration builds and Brendon begins to wave his arms more than usual. Rachel perches herself on a dresser while Brendon continues wearing the floorboards thin. Rachel insists she'll fight as hard as she can and with one quick "Shh!", Brendon tells her through clenched teeth to keep her mouth shut and lower her voice. He can yell as loud as he wants, but she's not allowed to speak. I realize her voice is annoying, but does he have scientific proof that it carries much further than his own voice? Does he have a marble journal of scientific data back in his studio apartment at UCLA? In this situation, Brendon is being an asshole, but why Rachel doesn't ignore him and tell him to keep his own voice down, I don't know. If I could reach through the tv and strangle some sense into her, I would. It's incredibly frustrating to watch someone sit glassy-eyed and not respond how you want them to.

For some reason, Brendon becomes very angry with Rachel sitting on the dresser. I think it's because he wants to sit on the bed and, like the Dalai Lama, no one else can sit higher than he does. That's the only explanation I can come up with because the second he insists she gets down from the dresser, he sits down on the bed. Once they're on the bed, Brendon becomes very angry with the mattress and begins to punch it. I don't know what the mattress ever did to him, but it's going to suffer for it... Ohhh, it'll suffer! The best part about the matress punch is how Twitter blew up in response. "If he can punch the bed, he'll punch her next!", "Oh my god, he's abusing her!", "@CBS should remove him from the house for beating her!" Lots of ridiculous ranting from some really uptight people who don't see the promise of what could be.

Let me lay it out for you, I want Brendon to punch Rachel. Before you get all angry, hear me out. Can you imagine the backlash that would come from Brendon smacking Rachel on the feeds? Ho.Ly. Shit! He would be removed from the house, he'd probably get kicked out of school, his future would be over, his reputation done and the world would hate him. I don't know about you, but that sounds fantastic to me. Am I the only one who has the foresight to see Brendon splashed all over the tabloids with the headline, "The Slap Heard Around The World!" We can all see how bad this relationship is for Rachel. Clearly, the girl needs a wake up call before she ruins her life for this kid. I don't like Rachel at all, but I also don't want to see any woman in a suffocatingly abusive relationship. Better to get it all over with with one solid punch and then move on. Besides, the show could use the ratings boost. It's a win-win for everyone. He's a sadistic asshole. Let's let him suffer a bit. I mean, why not?

Apparently, in the wee hours of the morning, Daniele got drunk and had two game changing conversations: one with Shelly and one with Jeff & Jordan. I haven't seen them yet and it'll take me a while to Flashback so I'll let you guys leave your thoughts on it in the comments. From what I can gather, Daniele may have spilled everything to Jeff & Jordan while at the same time begging them to take her back. It sounds messy and fascinating all at the same time, but, then again, that's what wine does to you. One second you're the life of the party and the next you're searching for your panties on the floor of some random person's apartment. Bottled poetry indeed! Comment it out bitches and have a great day! Tomorrow is my day off so I'll see you on Friday.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Shut Your Pie Hole

Yesterday on Battlestar Suckalotica, a bunch of boring people did boring things and we all sat around bored with our thumbs in our asses. Isn't that what bored people do? Sit around sticking appendages into orifices? *shrugs shoulders* I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know about this house anymore. I don't know about America anymore. I don't know about anything anymore. I'm in that slump I get in around Week 8 or 9 - which is strange and unusual considering it's only like Week 5! There's no energy in the house. There's no life. All we're left with are 8 lumps of sad sadness with nothing to say and no one to say it to. Occasionally, someone burbles and we're all thankful for it, but, other than that, there's not a whole lot going on. I long for school kids with new backpacks scurrying to the bus stop. I long for the leaves changing and the nights turning chilly. I long for this madness to end already! Let's recap, shall we?

I'd like to start off today addressing you, America. You voted Brendon back into the house and now I want to know if you're pleased with yourself. Are you happy returning things to status quo? Does it give you pleasure to see hours upon hours of dysfuctional love? Has Brendon brought you the grand payoff you were hoping for? I worry about you, America. I worry about where your head is at. I worry about your garage meth labs, the syringes strewn across your floors and the half empty bongs sitting in your windowsills. Naturally, I must assume you are on drugs for voting Brendon back into the house, America. What other reason could there be? Oh wait, I know - STUPIDITY. That's a good reason I guess. Stupid people doing stupid things. Stupid Americans. *sigh* You screwed up America. You got behind a worthless cause and now we're all suffering because of it. Why the masochism? Why the needless suffering? You didn't give us any interesting game play. You didn't give us anything. Now go sit in the corner and repent for what you've done. You can come back out when Dancing With The Z-Listers starts up again and you're needed to vote for another worthless cause. Until then, shut your pie hole and hang your head in shame.

So Daniele nominated Adam & Shelly, Adam won the veto and now Daniele needs to put up a replacement nomination. After a valiant effort of turning on their own alliance, Brenchel sat with toes crossed and hoped for the best. Sadly, the vile duo were not to get their own way again as Daniele has nominated Brendon. Grrrreat. That means a week of Rachel crying and then another week of Rachel talking about how her fiance was ripped from her loins. Good job America! Good job Daniele! As much as I loathe the gruesome twosome, I was kind of hoping that Daniele would nominate Jeff instead. This house needs to be shaken, not stirred. We need a little drama up in the hizzy. Watching Jeff lose his shit is drama. Watching Jordan finally get out of bed is drama (I guess). Watching Brendon & Rachel relive what we saw nary a week ago is not drama. It's deja vu. It's Marty McFly going back in time. It's a rewind-y replay that'll once again leave a soggy parrot-faced red-headed harlot in it's wake. *yawn*

Rachel is sad and now it's Brendon's turn to console her. He leans over his wench and whispers all sorts of words of encouragement into her ear: "Stop being emotional! Stop being depressed! Stop depending on me for everything!" Now, I don't know about you, but I'm getting a vibe that Brendon is sort of over his crimson-haired trollop. In the past, he'd sit and cry with her and they'd talk about their future together - sure, it was full of cancer cures, millions of dollars and a gaggle of badly dressed poorly behaved children, but it was a future and it was theirs. It was gross and nauseating, but, like Tommy and Gina, they never back dowwwwn. Nothing could stand in the way of their love. Yesterday he was more like, "Oh shut up already. I wonder what movies they have in the Jury House. I hope the pool is big. They better have a webcam." I just didn't get the feeling that Brendon cared all that much that he's about to be voted out again. He seemed more annoyed than devastated. It was a fly in his soup - an inconvenience, but not a tragedy.

Meanwhile, Rachel snotted all over the blankets and complained about how mean Shelly is. Shelly? My Shelly? Innocent cowhide Shelly? Surely, you jest! Apparently, Shelly is pleased with Brendon as the replacement nomination and to hear Rachel tell it, you'd think The Wizard sat through that veto ceremony twirling her moustache and gently fingering a black lacquer violin. If only! I have a feeling it was nothing more than Shelly's leathery exterior contorted into something that resembled a smile and that, in turn, made Rachel angry. Oh woe is Rachel. Woe is the stick I want to beat her with. Whoa woe.

So that happened. What else, what else? Oh, up in the HOH Daniele suggested that they go after Jeff next week instead of Rachel. Kalia beached herself on the couch and grunted some sort of reply. Daniele thinks Porsche will be onboard as well if she were to win HOH next week. Put me down in the "Yes" column too Dani. I am 100% all for getting Jeff out of the game. I still think it should have happened this week when the backdoor was opened, but I won't be too picky. I'll take it next week.

Outside there was some talk about Daniele's speech during the Veto Cermony. Adam tells her what she said could have been interpreted as rude, but Shelly thinks it was hysterical and that America will get a kick out of it. You know what I get a kick out of? I get a kick out of you, Shelly. The cowboy saunter, the briefcase skin, the ciggy half hanging out... I love it all. I love the lies she tells and the complicated tapestries of sins she weaves. Shelly is the closest thing I've got to a villain so I shall embrace her. It'll be a smoky coffee-scented embrace, but it'll be an embrace nonetheless. I hope she was smug during that veto ceremony. I pray she made Rachel cry. Shelly's shenanigans are keeping this house afloat as far as I'm concerned. When she trashes people, rainbows dart across the sky and somewhere a baby is born with horns growing out of it's head. If only I could shake her loose of her blind allegiance to Jeff & Jordan.

This is sort of where the story ends. From early afternoon until the wee hours of the morning literally nothing happened. Brendon & Rachel would pop up into various rooms and try to make out in front of people. Whoever was in the room before they arrived would quickly get up and leave which was funny. There was about an hour of feed time where it looked like a Tom & Jerry cartoon. Brenchel went into the Starburst room and Jeff & Jordan would quickly scurry out. Brenchel slid into the corner of the pool and Porsche & Daniele ran inside to cover their eyes. Brenchel canoodled on the couch and Shelly gathered up her lasso and sauntered away. It's a miracle Brendon & Rachel never picked up on it. Well, I guess love is blind. It's blind to reality. It's blind to good taste. It's just fucking blind.

As it stands now, it looks like Brendon will be going home. Brenchel may try to get Porsche's vote again, but I think the Datsun ship has already sailed. Isuzu seems happy where she is for the time being. Adam continues to float from side to side and Kalia is still devouring everything under the sun. I don't anticipate much drama between now and Thursday. Shelly will lay low until she's sure she's safe and Brenchel will continue to stain every sheet in the house. Gross. Comment it out bitches and have a great day!

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