(For today's recap, please go to the post before this one)
This is the thread to post your Big Bitchy Contest entries for today. For rules and prize information please check out The Big Bitchy Contest.
Remember to put your name down if you're entering anonymously.
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THE REUNION PARTY
It was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of (1) LIQUID and trays of (2) FOOD ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a (3) OBJECT with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of (4) NOUN. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said (5) FUNNY QUOTE. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil (6) PLURAL NOUN in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s (7) BODY PART and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy (8) VERB Jeff’s (9) BODY PART. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, (10) JORDAN-ISM and Jeff replied (11) JEFF-ISM.
Michele was decked out in a (12) ADJECTIVE dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a (13) NOUN up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt (14) EMOTION.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing (15) MUSICIAN/BAND and comparing their (16) PLURAL NOUN.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her (17) NOUN and he shook his (18) PLURAL NOUN. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his (19) NOUN kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best (20) GARMENT. It was (21) COLOR and smattered with (22) PLURAL NOUN. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the (23) THINGS he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the (24) ADJECTIVE voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting (25) CHIMA-ISM, you motherfuckers!
The End
Enjoy!
ReplyDelete1. Propofol
2. ant-infested slop
3. giant tub of lubricant
4. Julie Chen
5. "I heart Ronnie!"
6. ASU sweatshirts
7. greasy moustache
8. chest bumping
9. arm pits
10. "no booger!"
11. "coup de who?"
12. maternity
13. jeff
14. bi polar
15. Hannah Montana
16. churros
17. saddle
18. last brain cell
19. other personality
20. petal pushers
21. taupe
22. chima's weave
23. therapy
24. whiny
25. suck this big brother!
they call me fiesta mama
Attempt #2:
ReplyDelete1) Gorden's Space
2) Pez
3) leather-clad midget on a leash
4) Barbara Walters
5) "I love Me some Me"
6) waves of lust
7) testicles (c'mon, we know she has them....)
8) picking
9) nose
10) "fancy peaches with no fuzz on them!"
11) "Dude, we met Jeremy Piven. That was so awesome! I hated being in that house with all those yo-yos, but that part was cool. Hey, is he here tonight? Do you think he wants to be my friend and build shit together with legos and stuff?"
12) bridesmaid's
13) porcupine
14) total enlightenment
15) Boomtown Rats
16) Horoscopes
17) new, improved, quadruple-D sized breasts
18) pet armadillo
19) complete lack of rhythm
20) (still a) SCARF
21) International Klein Blue
22) pixie dust
23) Ricky Martin posters
24) cackeling
25) "I AM beautiful, I WILL be America's next top hypocrite...er...model, then I will consume you all with my gigantic mouth and LAUGH, you motherfuckers!"
-Vito in Calagry
1. Muscle Milk
ReplyDelete2. cabbage and squid
3. crown
4. The "LEGEND"
5. The man, the myth, the JERK
6. chess pieces
7. filthy ass
8. scratching
9. hairy back
10. learning how to QUEEF
11. Finding a dumb blonde
12. slutty
13. banana
14. like she was in rectal heaven
15 I can't get no Satisfaction
16. big cauliflower ears
17. new money makers
18. gay pride
19 big ego
20. diamond-studded scarf
21. "brilliant"
22. loads of diamonds
23. sex toys
24. shrill
25. "This gamie is fixed, you motherfuckas!!"
THE REUNION PARTY by itsmedave (the slightly cleaner version)
ReplyDeleteIt was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of Jordan's bathwater and trays of Jeff's boogers ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around Ronnie's bubblewand ( with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of a knife cutting her wrists. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said "I'll be back in season 12". They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil sandwiches in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s spiky tail and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy making out with Jeff’s peach/nectarine pit. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, "Not having to sleep with my mother" and Jeff replied that he would like to sing his answer.
Michele was decked out in am assless cocktail dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove Mr O'shaunessey up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt a pot of gold at the end of her rainbow.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing pin the tail on the asshole and comparing their "Ronnie's naked" fantasies.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her still growing front teeth and he shook his new Chima-quality hair weave. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his 300 pound wife/beard kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best tye dyed hoodie skirt. It was polka dotted and smattered with dueces. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the chess sets he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the racist voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting I was raped, so you have to give me the money , you motherfuckers!
The End
1.air freshener
ReplyDelete2.deoderant(I know I know not food, but it fits)
3.noseplug
4.her new mantra "I am beautiful and deserve to be loved."
5.brought to you by the makers of Massengil
6.tool repellent
7.oil soaked hair
8.rolling in
9.body odor
10.shavin' my legs in the yard, I am gonna do that at home y'all
11.It sure wasn't getting laid, bro
12.pit-stained
13.bar of soap
14.momentarily clean
15."Don't want no short short man"
16.STDs
17.freshly washed ass
18.freshly washed up ass
19.Ronnie-ness
20.Vera Wang pantsuit
21.chartreuse
22.NOH8 buttons
23.California Politicians
24.defeated
25.it's not a weave, it's my real hair
Kristin Barnes
kdb112@hotmail.com
THE REUNION PARTY
ReplyDeleteIt was Friday night at the new hot club in downtown L.A. It was the night of the Big Brother 11 cast reunion party! There were bottles of Rat Poison and trays of Ants ready to be enjoyed by all. The host for the evening was none other than Allison Grodner herself. She carried around a Huge Pink Dildo with her all night and looked very dignified.
Lydia and Jessie arrived hand in hand and Lydia delighted in showing everyone her new tattoo of a Tent. Jessie wore pink muscle pants and a t-shirt that said “Future BB All-Star Winner”. They kept their distance from Natalie because she was with her boyfriend who spent the evening shooting evil Grins in Jessie’s direction. He also had a hand on the Ragamuffin’s Dirty Head and she found it very difficult to move freely.
Jeff and Jordan, the couple everyone hotly anticipated, arrived late because Jordan was busy Sniffing Jeff’s Bottom. They smiled sweetly for the cameras and when asked what their favorite part of being in Big Brother was, Jordan said, Dahh I Donno, Ummm, Meeting My New BFF?” and Jeff replied “F- It, They All Lied!.
Michele was decked out in An Invisible dress and kept whispering for her husband to shove a Hot Pretzel up her ass. He was a little taken aback at her public request but obliged her and Michele felt All Giggly and Giddy.
Russell and Casey, new besties, spent all of their time in the DJ booth playing Harry Belafonte and comparing their Bananas.
On the dance floor was where Laura and Braden shined. She swayed her Horse Face and he shook his Bare Ass. Ronnie tried to dance and join in the fun but his Horns kept getting in the way.
The winner, Kevin, made a grand entrance decked out in his best Silk Scarf. It was White and smattered with The Blood Of All His Victims. His boyfriend gazed upon him adoringly and thought about all the Toys he could now buy with the prize money.
The merriment lasted for hours and everyone had a blast. The night was a success! Off in the distance, if you listened closely, you could hear the Desperate, Senseless Ranting voice of an expelled Houseguest shouting I Hope You All Get Raped In Prison, you Terrorist motherfuckers!
The End
qui_la@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: I am by no means as creative and whitty as I KNOW you are. I only hope that I can bring a little giggle to you and myabe, just maybe, make Mr. O'Shaugnessy do a lil jig!!
ReplyDeleteAnd before there are any haters.....I AM NOT kissing that cute one's ass...NOT kissing the other one either! ;)
Well here goes nothing...I have 2 versions..one shall we say, a little less void of SEX. And two, naturally screams SEX!! So in my book that makes it waaayyy better. LOL And since BB has went outta their way picking a cute as pie, little dumpling from SC that won’t put out. The bitch is craaaazzzzy. So since J/J didn't give us ANY action and BB & Ragamuffin cockblocked what little there was. So we had to throw out some SEX talk every chance we got! When is that NOT a GREAT topic!!lol
The cleaner version
1) Muscle Milk (in Plastic Champagne glasses, cheap asses)
2) Creative Slop Hour devours
3) A magical wand with “a wizard power button:” When the button was pushed by good ole AG herself, she heard in her voice “No need to sit. Just go out that way!
4) Jessie Yum Yum (doodle, has anyone at all noticed her tats make her look like a human doodle pad you keep by your phone. There’s no design to her placement. Hell for all we know that could be 1 of her “secret” jobs…”I have a conference call at 10:00am Lydia. Please be desk-side @ 9:45. Thank You.”
5) Front of shirt: I LOVE ME!!!!!!
Back of shirt: I STILL LOVE ME!!
And in very fine print under that reads....
If I could fuck myself I would..oops already did.Lost BB two years in a row.
6) Big, slaping lips, mouth
7) skank ass bootie *praying she doesn't have her period again so he doesn't have to feel the mattress pad between her legs*!!!
8) Sniffing & inhaling
9) Freshly shaven, women's scented deoderant armpits!!
10) Being "GUCCIE" on TV
11) EVERYTHING, as long as I was in control. But hey, I still "apprech" this great experience.
12) Her favorite lime green, Goodwill 90's style, taffeta prom-like dress she bought for just $3.00. You go girl!!
13) her Big Brother key (i don't think she's picky in this area) LMAO
14) face-chewing pleasure
15) Heidi Pratt
16) ”microphones”
17) reign attached to her Pro-Craft Copper Mouth Bit
18) ass in a pair of jeans that used to belong to Justin Timberlake (after all he knows so many celebs)
19) rat tail
20) Hoodie (tucked behind his ears, naturally)
21) White
22) Rainbows galore!!
23) Hamburger Helper
24) nauseating
25) Suck it
Well I tried. One more to come. And I have deliberately not read other entries. I wanted to be able to write anything without worrying about changing it cuz someone else has aldready said it....IMP Great/Good minds think alike!!
And to Lala...thank you sooooo much for all your time & dedication to all of us, your fans. I will tell you again, althought I only found your site this year and never had a desire to find another one....As sad as it is the first thing I do is check my twitter for my tweet from you...NEW BLOG UP...You totally rock and are one helluva writer!!
xoxoxo
Sheila
pssst give Mr. O a lil smooch from me, afterall I am part Irish. LMAO does that count?
If there are ever awards for bloggers...you've got them all by the asses Lala....just like u like, huh?
Much BB Love
Sheila the crazy Mountaineer
Okay, I know I enjoy this one so much more. Don’t hate me cuz of my pervy sexual comments…As I previously stated, I’m by no means an artist at this writing…gimme a paint brush and it’s a different story. Anywhoo, here goes my second attempt. Hope ya’ll enjoy. If not then don’t read it again LMAO. Totally being a smartass.
ReplyDeleteThe Reunion
The Sex Crazed as much as possible version.
At least I can say I gave it a shot! (interpret as you wish)
1) KY Jelly
2) Edible Panties (plz Lala with fairy dust sprinkle everywhere, let these count as food
just this once…I mean some do eat them)
3) AGP Vibrator (Always Guaranteed Pleasure)
4) “lil” Jessie
5) Front: “What’s this white shit on my yellow muscle shirt?” (wanted to put on my
ASU hoodie soooo bad, like Jessie would dare cover his *gagging*
muscles up )lmao
Back: “Did I mention that I Heart Me So Much”
6) jizz squirts
7) waist (actually holding the string in the boy shorts, Jessie’s of course, she’s wearing)
8) sniffing & inhaling
9) freshly shaved armpits smothered in women’s deodorant
10) shaving my legs with the garden hose in the Big Brother backyard yee haw
11) mean-muggin these yo-yo’s and totally “apprech” being afforded this opportunity of
a lifetime, thanks dude! *Puffy Piddy interrupts & sez “oh yeah and the cookie
dough, how could I forget the cookie dough*
12) major dominatrix S & M
13) AG’s Vibrator (hell like she even cares it could be AG’s fist for that matter… Mich:
“so anything’s fine honey”)
14) hornier (is that even possible…personally I’ll bet she’s thinking ORGY with all
people BB)
15) Vanilla Ice
16) Bananas
17) implants Serial Number: BB11-2-DAMN-BIG-NEIGHHH
18) ass in Matthew McConaughey’s board shorts (again he knows so many celebs)
hmmmm just a thought…Braden boy why not ask one of em to help a friend out c if
u can sleep on a throw rug in the garage, your bomber jacket will keep you warm)
19) Trekkie jumpsuit
20) FAB-U-LOUS, finger- snapping scarf
21) Purple
22) sequins and multi-colored metallic thread…you work it girl!!
23) accessories galore
24) gut wrenching, nails on a chalkboard, (hell if it’s her, it’s annoying as a MOFO)
just saying
25) better call the FCC (if by chance AG is close by you know she’s saying “better call
911 & tell them we have an unbeweaveable crazy bitch, she’ll love riding in the car
with all those purty lights. She’ll actually beweave it’s all in her honor. Sorry officer,
this chick is certifiable)
~Sheila~
Well my fellow Bitchy Big Brother Followers and of course the QUEEN behind the Bitchy Big Brother Blog that’s the versions I’ve come up with. I know I repeated a couple, but hell some are a given to me. I mean how can I NOT put anything about Hoardo Jordo sniffing pits for God’s sake. Another lilt tid bit…did anyone notice how she was CONSTANTLY rubbing her boobies with & without lotion (maybe surgery related) and she was always pushing on them on the side with her fists…oh hell, who gets that girl about anything! LOL
With my two versions I also think it was/is fun to interchange certain ones cuz, in my eyes, some of this shit is funny….so feel free to mix mine up and read them in any order…probably drunk would be better, then you might not realize how writing is so not my thing. But on that note, I also believe on this GREAT site any normal person would definitely feel inferior when asked to write something by someone who is so wonderful at her gift!
Forgive any typos and grammatical errors please…in the end it’s fun!!!
(and fingers crossed for an original Mr. O mug-but hell no matter what I WILL get one of those cute little fuckers to drink my tea from)
hope it takes..guess i was too long fingered LOL just realized while that sounds great i was referencing long winded
To B Cont.
Sheila
Lala, so EXCITED, I could sleep talk (not really)lmao…., I CANNOT wait for the BITCHY SURVIVOR BLOG (bookmarked; check) and you’re going to be doing an AMAZING RACE one also??? OMG I might just have THE BIG O (no not your little fellow, but reach under there & give him a little head rub love). If I’m gonna be honest I’m gonna do 100% honest and nothing less. I am on disability (for Crohn’s Disease), I don’t get out much now that my baby (he’s 21 & would kill me for calling him my baby…well tough shit I gave birth to him, gave him life I’ll call him anything I want. LMAO) is outta the house. I raised him by myself, loved every single minute. But damn shit can get lonely too damn quick. We used to watch our reality shows together, especially SURVIVOR even trying to come up with meals that were native to the area each season. I really was starting to think, what the hell am I gonna do now when I wake up and BITCHY BLOG is no more.
ReplyDeleteWell, you’ve kept the smile on my face Lala. I’ve also already made it known to the few people I talk to follow you on twitter but most importantly I tell them READ HER BLOGS!!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Sheila and I’m a reality TV addict!!! (ALL NOW: Hello Sheila)LMAO….lil note on my health & personally I think if more people thought the following it would help…it’s nothing genius but it is definitely a fact…..THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF THEN YOU, ME OR ANYBODY!! Laughter is the best medicine!! So Dr. Lala just put my bill in the mail to:
SHEILA IMA BROKE
0069 Winding Gravel Holler
Backwoods Poor, West by God Virginia 12345
It’s so fun to make fun of where I’m from, cuz it beats someone else to it. LOL Stereotyping, hypocrites and the likes make me wanna bitch slap me somebody. It’s so wrong on so many levels. Get a life and grow the hell up it’s almost 2010, you morons!!
(That does make one feel good, huh Lala?) OK OK
Hell you’re probably starting to think I belong in the crazy house with the face chewing sleep talker.
Now I can’t wait to read the other entries posted….like I said I just wanted to be able to do mine free of influence and to not get disappointed if someone thought the same thing as me…I mean, of course some are just too easy that would could list 20 adjectives, things etc….the things for Michele to shove up her ass, thanks mostly to Lala’s creativity, are endless…
I hope everyone who participates in THE BIG BITCHY CONTEST has as much fun as I did. Have fun with it peeps, I know I did. Do it for fun. Do it for laughs. But just DO IT (don’t do it with the only mindset being “I just have to win that gift”) That generous gift from her is just a bonus, she could’ve just done it for fun. I still would’ve attempted creative writing, regardless .Thanks again Lala and (gotta find her name…found) PrettyPlainJo for such a great & fun idea. Not to mention the time I KNOW this must have taken. Great job you two!!! Thanks also for involving your readers in your blog, your contests and more; you make me/us feel so special. You’re a gem!! A rare one at that!!!
Sorry so long, but “Sometimes in life you just gotta say “Fuck It!”…*fingers crossed hoping I didn’t misquote one of my fav quotes from a movie* don’t wanna let Lala that special someone Lala down who loves all things movies/music Lala… LOL
And just one more time for the record….I simply took part in a GREAT & FUN CONTEST!!! So please don’t read into shit that’s not there!! (i.e. ass kissing I just have a gut feeling someone will say that…I KNOW someone will THINK it. I think, lol)
~Sheila~